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So im at the stage where this is telling me what i want. And im starting to believe this. I just dont know whats reality anymore. I feel like im just going to live in pain and misery for the rest of my life 😥

I’m trying to fantasize about women and me being romantic with women but I get intrusive thoughts of men and women with male body parts. I feel like I’m losing it.

Not really an OCD thing but I would love some advice on this (Long). So lately things have been intense in my household surrounding my dad. My relationship with him has been rocky for years. For some brief backstory: he used to drive cross-county as a truck driver a lot so he was rarely home when I was a kid. He eventually started working local and being home more when I was heading into my teen years and that’s when I finally started seeing how he was like. It seemed like for almost everything we butted heads. He’s the type that says he hates when people are easily offended and can’t take a joke, when he is literally the most easily offended person I have ever met. He used to get upset for the dumbest things (not having the right cheese in the fridge for a sandwich, etc). I was resenting him more and more as the years went on. He never stayed in the same job for more than a few months because he was bored or wanted thing else so he proved to be unstable at times which worried my mom. I would become so furious with him that I’d tell my mom she should leave him and many other horrible things. I truly felt like that before - I did NOT like this man. I wished I had someone better as a father many times. At some point, when my OCD started to appear and my anxiety grew worse, I decided to forgive him and start anew. That lifted a whole ton of weight off my conscience and it was instead replaced with love for him. I was so happy to be with him. Thought I would let things slide, won’t hold it against him. Now here we are about a year and a half later and that resentment is starting to build up again. I tried so very hard not to but he has been a main source of us feeling overwhelmed and angry. For one, he is extremely passionate about his political views and won’t stop talking to us about it despite us expressing that we didn’t want to speak on the subject. If it’s anything against him, then you apparently don’t know anything and attacks you on what’s personal to you. In my example, he would go after my faith, which I hate when anyone does that. Another cause lately has been surrounding the pandemic. Since it has started my family and I, besides him, have been taking precautions, such as wearing a mask every time we go out, washing hands, staying home when we can. He has gone out almost every day doing who knows what, eating in at restaurants, visiting and taking my grandma out, and not wearing a mask. He’s extremely back and forth about it. He has told us he has been wearing a mask the entire time, but when we actually go out with him, he never puts it on. Recently he said he was gonna take it seriously (and starts lecturing us about it??) to wear a mask. Then a couple days later he’s out with my cousin and that cousin later confides in me that he not only didn’t wear a mask, but questioned my cousin for wearing one as well, claiming he doesn’t even own one. So he’s consistently lying to us, putting us at risk, while we try to take care of ourselves. There’s so much more, but overall I’m very exhausted, sad, and frustrated with the whole situation. I constantly feel like I’m on the verge of tears. It’s hard for me to sit down and explain this to him because 1.) I’m the type of person who immediately starts crying when the conversation is serious/I get overwhelmed quick and 2.) fear of him getting offended and ruining the environment in the house for the next x amount of days. I really don’t know what to do anymore. I talked to my mom and brother about this frequently and they agree as well, but they know it’s hard to talk to him too. Of course this added negativity and stress in the house has been messing with my OCD. Any advice or tips please? Sorry for how long this post is.

I left my partner 3 days ago please help me feel better he’s DEVASTATED and ringing constantly but it was toxic and he didn’t realise he was still emotionally abusing me despite cutting alcohol consumption down (he’s an alcoholic) I feel relieved and sad because what do I do now? I was with him all the time, now what? My ocd isn’t helping either I’m like “OMG what if he gets better and treats a new girl like gold ALL of the time not just in cycles? Why couldn’t he for me?”

Tips for daydreaming? I love daydreaming and it’s a use of meditation for me but it’s been taken away because of intrusive thoughts it feels like they’re unwanted guests so they overlap and get in the way unfortunately I don’t bother daydreaming often

Hi! I am having the worst flare up of OCD I’ve had in the last 20 years. I am 28 years old and I have gone through numerous different “themes” of OCD. I have gone from hand washing, to more mental rituals like canceling out (if I got a B on a test in college instead of an A I would purposely get another B to “cancel it out” as punishment) to many other pure mental obsessions/compulsions. After realizing that living in “reality” was my only way to be happy a few months ago I decided to live in reality from that day forward. Of course, the second I made that decision I felt a sense of negativity attached to it which spiraled out and led me to believe that the only way I could ever be happy and if I ever wanted to think my past memories were real instead of false reality I would have to complete this list that included sitting in my office for 24 hours straight. It’s been 7 months since the incident and I still feel awful. I am questioning the best way to be happy again and feel like by not doing the 24 hour rule I’m being lazy.

Has anybody had much luck with somatic ocd? I feel like that's a pretty tough nut to crack.

I have yet to find someone who relates to my HOCD struggles. I know we all are unique and this shouldn’t worry me, but the lack of someone else who has experienced some things that I view to be very real evidence has completely upended me. I look for strength and I’ve yet to find it. I stopped erp because of a life altering event during Covid and know I’m lost again. This feels more real (not to discourage or discount anyone else’s struggles!!) than what other people worry about with their HOCD. I feel so alone.

I wanna post about how I feel but then I feel sad and guilty that no one responds.

I genuinely believe people on here think I’m a lesbian. I think I’m driving myself insane but if people don’t answer my comments but like answer or ask someone else about HOCD I think it’s because they don’t believe I have it

Hi I'm new to this app. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder and OCD about 5 years ago. Following a very recent break up, coping with being a frontline healthcare worker in the current pandemic, moving house amongst other things I'm really struggling... Looking for some support really as I don't know who to turn to right now

TW Suicidal thoughts I don't think I can do this anymore. These thoughts and false feelings, false attraction are getting the best of me. I feel so sick and guilty. I don't want to go any longer. I have no way of getting help. I can't afford it. My parents don't understand me and won't help. I just don't know if I can take it anymore. I feel like I deserve to die. I've never been diagnosed so I don't know what's real and what isn't. I just want to be normal

Can someone with hocd please give me there thoughts and images they have ?

Anyone else have obsessive thoughts about getting murdered? My 8 year old son is experiencing this and is very scared if he’s not close enough to see me in the house. We did ERP for scary images but he says he’s now more scared, not less, because the images used in erp gave him new things to be scared about. Ugh. Anyone else have these types of obsessive thoughts and found relief with erp? He doesn’t have any physical compulsions by the way, just continually seeking reassurance.

I genuinely can’t tell what’s the truth anymore. I’m so anxious by everything that my brain thinks about regarding attraction that it’s like the person before this was just a fake. I want to go back to innocently liking men because I just did. Now I look at a guy and wonder if I’m a lesbian in disguise or if I would like it better as a guy. I can’t look at celebrities I find attractive because I’m afraid I’m a lesbian who’s trying to look normal. I can’t do ANYTHING without worrying that it’s what a lesbian would do to tell herself she likes men. I never questioned this before. But reassuring myself sounds so much like denial and that scares me so much. The thought of being a lesbian doesn’t come naturally to me, it feels so forced and just bad in general but my brain tells me it’s because I haven’t accepted myself yet and that’s why. I want to scream.

What do you do if an ocd specialist doesn’t think it’s ocd? I’m in the midst of booking an appointment but I’m scared that I’m just making myself feel like this. I don’t think liking girls is bad at all, but all of my primary attractions have been towards men my entire life. I don’t even care if I’m bi, I just don’t want to lose my attraction to men altogether.

I was sitting with my wonderful boyfriend, watching a Christmas movie. Everything was fine, nothing was bothering me. Then suddenly out of no where, I thought “I’ll never be happy with men, I find women attractive. I don’t find men attractive. I have to leave my boyfriend, and be with women because that will make me happy.” I felt this sort of “pain” in my chest, and my heart has been beating fact for about 40 minutes. I can’t calm down. Recently, my intrusive thoughts have been about my past p*rn use. I would watch lesbian porn, trans porn, and gay porn. My hocd latches on to the fact that I used to do that. I also masturbated to a picture of lesbians together, and women twerking. I don’t know why I did this, and I was about 11 when I started watching/masturbating to these things. I stopped watching it when I was 15. I’m afraid this means I’m a lesbian and in denial. Sometimes my relationship feels forced, because of all the thoughts I have. I didn’t even start feeling bad about my porn usage until this summer. My hocd started in August. I feel like a lesbian. I don’t want to be a lesbian. I want to have a husband and kids, and I loved boys when I was little. I had crushes and dreams and fantasies about them. Yet I still watched lesbian porn. Why???? I feel like I’m in denial. Like I’m masking my real self with hocd. Like I’m trying to get out of the closet and I’m “limiting” myself. I don’t want to lose my boyfriend. I’m still young, but this is the person I want to be with. :( it feels forced because I constantly feel like I “don’t love him,” and that “we’re not meant to be.” I’m freaking out. I used to feel like this 24/7. It went away for a while, now it’s back. I used to always want to sleep, I never wanted to be awake. These thoughts were there 24/7. I don’t want it to go back to that. I don’t want to be in denial. Ugh :(

NSFW Scared it’s not ocd because it started when I was 12 initially and wondered why I was turned on by like the porn my dad had and female porn but I was boy crazy and had a boyfriend. That freaked me out and then I started obsessing about liking girls. It went away and came back when I had my first serious boyfriend who I was crazy about. Then I was scared we couldn’t be together bc I was gay. It just feels so real every day. And now I can’t stop wondering if I’m turned on by girls from my school and it’s disgusting me because I feel afraid I am - not that being gay is disgusting it’s just these intense thoughts

This is a reupload of this post since it appears people need someone to relate to in some way. I still could use help and advice though. Hello, I am Nathan Longmuir from MA USA and I'm 16 years old. This is my first time trying this so if I can't find a way to reply to people or thank people I am not being rude to anyone. If I ramble or repeat something I apologize. This will be long BUT PLEASE stay with me! I need help and advice. I don't know how to start, so I chose to make an account because I have been suffering from terrible HOCD with what you would call groinal response and hyper awareness of my groin area. After looking into my life far it seems I've always had OCD and OCD behaviors. Like constantly asking my mom if a toy is broken a hundred times and constantly scanning every inch of it constantly. It seemed like my OCD was always in the background when I was very young but stopped around fourth grade. Fourth grade was also the only time it was even close to as bad as it is now. I accidently said “I swear to god” in my head once when lying so I was convinced I was going to go to hell, I constantly asked my mom if I would throughout the day and I was constantly crying. I started praying at least once every 10 minutes and my life was like, well hell. Then it magically stopped. I've tried to analyze that time period asking myself, “How did I beat this last time?” and I can't find anything. Anyway after that I had almost no OCD behavior or excessive intrusive thoughts until now, in 10th grade 6 years later. It seems a lot of things led up to this, like being in my house 24/7 with a bad stressful school schedule due to covid, and no change of scenery whatsoever. I live in the remote woods too. I had a few little OCD obsessions that lasted around a week each before this one, one obsession was created by me saying a German WW2 plane looked cool. So my brain called me a N@ZI for awhile. Another was I was scared I'd hurt my family. It was started because someone my age killed their family, so the OCD said things like “I want to kill my family” and “I'm a murderer”. I had what seems to be POCD for a week before the HOCD, that obsession was created because someone said online my name sounds like a great name for a Pedo. I constantly said I'd never do something like that to a child and I would rather die. Then it was replaced by the HOCD. Thanks for reading this far. I've been having these HOCD thoughts and obsessions for somewhere between 70-85 days and it's the worst thing I have ever experienced. It constantly calls me gay and says things I dont agree with whatsoever. I have always liked women only, I remember liking girls since first grade! The thing I want the most in this world is a beautiful wife who loves and cares about me and to be a father. I had a beautiful girlfriend last year who I deeply cared about and we dated for about 6 months, then something very sad happened. When I was with her I was very happy and confident and in love and I miss her very much. I AM LOSING MY MIND. I have held a knife to my jugular twice with full intent to push it in, the only reason why I didn't was I didn't want to devastate my family. I want it to stop no matter the cost. I almost decided to get high off medicine, but I knew that it would put me down another dark path. I almost decided to overdose on medicine as well, since it would be a much more clean death and more peaceful. I have gone from an A and high B student to one B, four C’s, a D, and a F this term. My room looks disgusting and messy. I now have ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE ANXIETY about anything related to the HOCD. I now have HORRIBLE DEPRESSION. I apologise if it sounds nasty, but I can't masturbate anymore because the HOCD thoughts get worse while doing it. I still get aroused by women but slower than before. The worst thing about the HOCD is the groinal response and hyperawareness, I accidently started it when a HOCD thought popped up and I said something along the lines of, “What you say isn't true, I'm not aroused by this and never will. I'm not hard either” so I started to say that whenever they came up. So by doing that I screwed myself over because by me focusing my attention on my penis area I started to feel a uncomfortable feeling and a little movement whenever a HOCD thought shows up or if anything reminds me of it so the HOCD basically says,”WHAT I SAID WAS TRUE”. I never get erections or anything like that, I just wanted to clear that up. SInce it started I avoid members of the same sex a bit, but I realize it makes the OCD worse so I have almost stopped that. I hardly watch TV or play video games because it gives me anxiety now. I've been trying to stop avoiding “triggers” because it reinforces the OCD and I have seen a bit of improvement but I'm far from better. You are probably asking yourself, “If it's this bad, why hasn't he gotten help? Medication? Seen a therapist? Hes considering suicide for gods sake!” Well since I've been 4 Ive always wanted to join the United States Marines, a military branch so I can defend my country and its people. They don't let you join with a history of anxiety especially OCD. If I go to a therapist, talk to a doctor, or get medication it goes on my record and I'm instantly disqualified for military service…. Forever. That's why I have not seeked help, or even told my parents about it. I am suffering in silence to protect my dream. I've always looked up to our armed forces and I have an autographed picture of Audie Murphy, the most decorated american soldier from WW2 in my room. I took it down because I don't want the OCD to contaminate my thinking of him. I am in tears as I had to type that. So the only help I can ask for is on here, I need advice on how to ignore the OCD and the groinal response. Please. I'd like words of encouragement as well. I want to be myself again. Please help me all of you.

does not being boy crazy mean im gay or bisexual ?