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I wish this never happened

Can someone just read this? I'm starting to get really afraid this is true. This whole thing is terrible like hell. What scares me even more is I learned some tricks to decrease the thoughts and they have worked but the groinal response is still there and it's terrible. Last night I was watching TV despite the anxiety and tried not responding to the thoughts anxiety or the response. Leading up to the terrible response I was thinking of a attractive woman about 5 seconds before it happened. Then a close-up of a fellow male popped up on a commercial. A little blood went down there. Not enough to even change its size but it scared the shit out of me. Was it me thinking about that woman? Increased blood flow from Anxiety? I turned off the TV and my hands started shaking, shaking has been a recent product of this. The thought of being with a man especially sex is still revolting to me through the entirety of this. ( If I offended anyone I didn't mean too ). I've been in relationships with women and loved it, I have always enjoyed sex with women. But what's up with the groinal response bullshit? All I've ever wanted is a wife and kids and I feel it's being ripped from me. I really hope this is OCD. People here have gone over 15 years with this and I can't take five months? I can barely take this anymore. I want to be myself again. Is that too much to ask God?

i can’t even focus for one second while having sex with my boyfriend now. it’s like intrusive thoughts are just on a loud speaker the entire time. this is getting worse

I am not sure if listening to Podcasts about Late blooming lesbians is a good exposure or if it works like a compulsion... yesterday I struggled a little more than I used to with SO-OCD and now I wonder if I should resume listening to them again to practice "more" ERP... but I also feel like this would give me more control over the thoughts and feelings and relief to know I did a tough Exposure.. so maybe it would be a better way to just accept and acknowledge the presence of the thoughts without trying to reduce them by listening to an Episode ?

I looked up sexual images of women to test myself and I got aroused and I feel like such an idiot for even thinking that was a good idea. It wasn’t even the bodies that were a turn on it was just the sexual connotation. But maybe it was their bodies? I feel like I find sexy pictures of men to just remind me of like gay men (which is weird I know) and I associate sexy images of women more with men being aroused and viewing those images for sex. Or - this is all rumination and denial and I’m slowly going insane. If you made it this far, congratulations on not ruining your day with google like me

has anyone tried CBD or weed for their anxiety associated with OCD? I really don’t want to take these benzos that my doctor gave me 😩 I’ve been trying so hard to keep it natural

Hey guys, gather around. Let's share our stories on how you came to know about OCD and how you realized you had it. For me: Somewhere earlier the year 2020, I watched this series called La Casa De Lapel aka The Money Heist. I was so obsessed with the series especially how smart the main character known as The Professor who lead a heist against the Royal Mint of Spain, so I begun to do a research about the him and how smart he was in the movie, fortunately I found out that he portrayed traits such as taking his tasks or the plan of the heist so important that he barely attend to his own personal needs of humanity needs as a person, perfectionism and a lot more of someone who is likely to have OCD which I realised I also have in common with him in the series. By then I never knew what OCD was so I googled it and learnt more about it then i begun to realize i was actually having it.

my pocd is really bad right now :( i’ve been going on discord a lot lately just to talk to ppl and socialize because it helps me take my mind off the ocd and i just think it’s fun overall. So i talked to this guy on there and we had a nice convo and he said he was 17 and i was like ok that’s cool since i’m 18. However while talking to him i did doubt that he was lying cause his voice sounded a bit too high pitched for a 17 year old and some of his jokes were a bit immature so i asked him again to make sure and he promised that he was 17, i ended up texting a bit with him and then i spoke to him again on the phone. Today i found out that he actually was lying and he’s 14 :/ i blocked him right away and told him it’s not cool to lie about your age. I feel really horrible because he was being borderline flirty with me and said he liked my voice and my accent and stuff like that and i didn’t mind because i thought he was 17, i feel stupid for not realizing he was lying earlier and not blocking him right away when i had my doubts. I feel so anxious and guilty i don’t know what to do, i’ll never be that careless and naive again ever again. I feel like a horrible person i just need some guidance what do you guys think of this? am i terrible for not blocking him right away

I know I HAVE ocd, but I am so convinced this is not like my regular ocd and maybe part of it is ocd, but it’s not all ocd and it’s never going to get better. I feel anxious sometimes, but most of the time I just feel a severe urge to immediately get better. Nothing interests me and if something does interest me it’s immediately tainted in my brain and I can’t enjoy it anymore, I genuinely can’t see a future for myself unless I think of what it would be like if my ocd were true and I don’t want that future. I’m super restless, because I can’t enjoy anything and I can’t keep my attention on anything. I keep thinking what’s the point, and the whole day I’m on edge waiting to be able to go to sleep again. I feel like the only reasons I’m holding on are my family and my friends, which are good reasons, but it’s like I’m gone. My family and my friends are the most important to me, but if I’m gone what is there to give what is the point? And if my obsessions are true, going to come true, etc, then I don’t want that future anyways.

How do I know if this is ocd or not? Not diagnosed but I don’t want to waste anyone’s time :/ I’ve been having intrusive thoughts about my gender since September and about my sexuality since much longer. I haven’t had a single day where these thoughts haven’t been in the back of my mind. And when it’s not thoughts it’s the lingering feeling of being off, being fake, or that need to see if the thoughts are true and that I have to inspect them to figure it out. I came out as a lesbian to myself once and gave it a few days but the anxiety just skyrocketed. I felt relief in the moment but it only lasted a day or two before I started wondering why I did that. I have constant headaches and body aches. It’s been so long of this that idek what the truth is anymore. I’ve always been attracted to men and have had crushes on them too and thinking about them felt natural but now it feels so forced. It started off as thoughts of ‘what if I’m a lesbian?’ after a really bad trigger for my trauma, and that plagued me for months. Now when I talk to my friends, my brain starts imagining kissing them or them becoming my girlfriend and it confuses the heck out of me bc I’ve always loved them but not like that but it feels like I want it even though I feel so uncomfortable with it. I’ve never thought about girls THIS MUCH my entire life, and I thought I was bi for a few years (I think I’m just aro, which feels nice to me). It’s constant, the thoughts are just hanging around and I feel like I need to address them but when I do I can’t even figure out where to begin or where I need to end up because it’s just so confusing and anxiety inducing and I can’t hold onto an answer long enough (other than aro) for it to make sense. I keep feeling like I’m in denial bc I try to avoid the thoughts as much as possible since they bring on so much anxiety. I don’t even have any strong feelings against lesbians but this feels so ridiculously forced and wrong for me that idk how to even go about it. Part of me is afraid of confronting the thoughts bc if they’re true I’m going to have to put myself in relationships and situations I’m just not comfortable with but idk!!! I keep feeling like maybe I’m just not giving myself the chance for it to feel good which stresses me out too.

Does hocd make you think of men in general and make you think of scenarios in your head like i keep picturing myself with a man. I cant even think of women anymore. But when i see them out and about i go shes nice. But then my mind is like your forceing it 😞

Anyone else a Christian here find it very hard/distrrssing the coand to forgive our enemies and those who hurt us? I have scrupolsity and moral OCD, so even the thought of 'but how do I truly know that I have fully forgiven someone in my heart? What if deep deep down somewhere I haven't forgiven them and God knows it.' is super upsetting for me because I just want to do the right thing for God.. 😔 Doing the right thing for God in all situations is basically a big essence of my ocd. Thanks guys, I always appreciate people who help me.

Hi everyone. I tried to stay of this app lately because it‘ one of my major compulsions. However I‘m spiraling so bad atm and I just need someone to talk to. Hocd is my main theme. I‘ve been googeling nonstop and now I just feel empty and numb. I feel like my whole live was a lie and like I just faked my attraction towards men. I feel like I have to leave my bf and it breaks my heart. I just don‘t know what to do I‘m just so in pain. Please help me 😔

Im so done with this. So ive got up this morning. Crying into my pilllow saying i dont want to be gay. But i keep saying sneaky things in my head like i want to be with a man im excited for the future. When in reality im not. I feel like im getting worse 😥

On video call now with my LDR partner, feeling more disconnected than ever. I can't seem to snap out of it even when I practice some erp. We aint talking I'm just writing on here feeling this really isn't gonna work. Any tips? So lost.

Hey it’s been awhile since I’ve been on this app but here we are lol So I’m terrified to take Zoloft. I was just prescribed 25 mg of it, and I’m actually SO SCARED. Lately depression has been at the forefront and I’ve been feeling depressed for months so my doctor thought it was a good idea to try it out. And now my head is going through all the possible worst case scenarios after reading all the side effects I’m officially freaked out. Help?? Does anyone have experience with this drug?

has anyone gotten medication for their ocd? and if so what has been working (ik it differs person to person)

I need advice...So both of my parents know what's going on with me, they don't know every thought and every detail but they also don't believe it's ocd. They think that's I'm just putting myself through this and only I can control it but unfortunately I can't all by myself. My dad thinks I need therapy but my mom doesn't believe in therapy and that I'm self diagnosing when I truly believe it's OCD. I really hope so because I'm scared to death of what goes on in my head it makes it really hard to focus or function. I ask for reassurance from my parents all the time and they are getting tired of me. Well when one obsessive thought goes away, I start obsessing about something else and I can't seem to stop. Like today I've been worried about a mistake I made in the past that to me was the worst thing I've ever done and I hate myself for it, I told both my parents about it and they both told me to let it go but it's really hard to. I have anxiety because of it, guilt, shame, and I can't get it out of my head because I don't believe I deserve to be forgiven (I am Christian so I believe God forgives me but I don't forgive myself).. Well I mentioned it again to my dad and he told me that I'm being too stubborn about it because I won't let it go. Why is it so hard for me to just let it go? Am I really making it worse than it really is? If I have OCD could it be that making it worse? I'm so tired of all of this I could scream. I want to go back to normal 😭

I keep getting the urge to look at a man’s crotch, and then I’ll actually do it. Every time I do it, it feels like I’m coming closer to being bi, and it feels as though I actually like it. When I was younger, I went through hocd (before it went away and came back), and I used to look at women’s bodies the same way, although I did actually like it, and I later came out as gay. I feel like this might turn out the same way, but I don’t want it to. Every where I turn I see bisexual related content, and my mind always goes “you won’t be alone even if you are bi, there’ll be plenty of other people to share that title with you. It’ll be ok.” BUT I DONT WANT IT TO BE OK! I’m ok being a lesbian, but honestly I don’t know if that’s what I am anymore. I hate this so much...

Does anyone else get freaked out by memories from childhood? Like I used to look at woman’s bodies in photos and movies when I was goi g through puberty, but I never thought of it as an attraction thing you know? Like I knew that I liked boys. Honestly I think that was my way of learning what was going to happen to my own body... but now that I have hocd those memories are so scary. I wish I could be like when I was a kid and I knew that I was only attracted to men and felt so secure in it