Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Ocd is such a crazy disorder. It has so many things that come along with it. False memories, low self esteem, depression, immense amounts of guilt, ticks, and so much more. It’s like constantly fighting a battle with yourself within the 4 walls of your brain. I’m quite literally living in fear and guilt. I’m scared I’ll be like this forever. I want to be happy and normal. Why me? Why us? No one understands how this affects us except for us. I know my friends and family try to be understanding, but they just don’t get it. It’s not as easy as just “chilling out”. I cannot control this bullshit. I am so uncertain about what my future looks like. This life feels fake. It feels like I’m just existing. Covering up the awfulness I feel. Just burying it because I really can’t think my way through it. Ocd has taken so fucking much from me. It’s taken my relationship, my sanity, some of my freedom, some of my personality, my physical body, and so much more. I can’t even do or watch some things now in fear of me being triggered. Progress is happening slowly but I am not patient. I’m sorry this is so long. I just need to rant. This disorder is so fucking hard to handle. I want to live again, but a lot of me is just so fucking tired of fighting. Part of me wants to just give in to the OCD and let it consume me. Just lay in bed all day and be guilt ridden and upset. Because that seems easier than constantly being at war with yourself. I am also just so fucking angry. Why me!!! Why??? I don’t understand. I’m glad my mindset has changed, but is this really what the fuck it would take for me to change? And now that I’m a changed person, can my past fucking STOP haunting me??? My ocd is such a liar. It tells me shit that’s not even true but yet I still believe it. I’m honestly just at the point where I need this shit gone. It’s been entirely too long of just simply existing.

There’s quite a few of LGBTQ+ people on this app- so if I may have some advice from those people 🥰 Does anyone know how to overcome internalized homophobia? It settled in right after I recovered from OCD, and it’s driven me to really low mental health. Any advice is appreciated- thanks so much 💚✨

does anyone’s intrusive thoughts ever manifest and not being able to get rid of a certain word? Sometimes when I walk past a black person my brain just repeats the n word over and over and it’s really distressing because it’s the last thing I’d ever want to say

Sometimes I am so overwhelmed that I look forward to this all ending and wishing Jesus would call me home to Heaven. Where there is no suffering, no pain, no tears. I feel no peace or ability to cope on days like this. And to think I have to continue life with suffering is so hard, but that I have to do it, it is an overwhelming thought 😢😢😢.. I just want to go sometimes so that the suffering will end.

Hello NOCD family! My name is Danielle... but my peeps call me Dani! Let me start by introducing myself. I am a 40-year-old Christian mother of three and wife of a wonderfully understanding husband. I have OCD and my themes have been ROCD, Sexual Orientation OCD and POCD. This year in early March I started having unwanted and intrusive thoughts that would continuously interrupt everything that I wanted to do in life. Shortly after I found the NOCD app and the program. I immediately sought out ERP and therapy. With the help of my NOCD therapist Tanya, medication (in my case) and ERP I can truly say that I’m living a better quality of life and each day is getting better. It is a very hard and sometimes tedious road. But if I can do it. I know you can too! I’m here for you all whenever you want to talk, rant, cry or just tell OCD to kick rocks!

Wife’s undiagnosed ocd turned into phycosis paranoia. Makes her angry and unbearable. Life is difficult because she’s refusing treatment as of now. Any experience helpful thanks

I have had really really tough days behind me. The ocd is really bad right now. The voices in my head seem to have no mercy. I’m struggling, and I have to keep my compulsions out of that. They do more harm than they help, but the guilt seems to eat me alive.

I'm so scared of being a narcist. How can I know if I have narcistic personality disorder? I know I have some traits. I'm constantly looking for admiration and sometimes attention. I sometimes dream about being successful and so on. I do have very low self esteem. I don't think I'm better than people, I never have. But the admiration trait makes me think I'm a narcist. Could anyone please help me

For the past few days now I’ve felt in a weird place. It’s not been bad but at the same time I don’t trust it too much. It’s been a place of carelessness to the thoughts. Thoughts have come it and I’ve brushed them off. I know that’s good but also it feels like I’m in a rut again because I just don’t care anymore and I didn’t decide to not care, my ocd did. Last night I had a wank which I know is a bad thing but hey can’t stop old habits. Everything was going fine until this guy popped into my head and I got scared. Luckily I was able to get him out of my mind but the damage was done. My mind didn’t panic at all and I felt a sense of happiness almost. I hated it. I want to cry and scream and be furious but I’m not. My mind is muddled with carelessness, gay thoughts and confusion.

I’m afraid that I have committed the unforgivable sin. I mocked god. I have been a Christian the majority of my life. I’m really worried that I will go to hell now. What do I do?

I feel like there’s legitimate proof as to why I could be a lesbian? I never thought about any of these things before. Once my friend came over to study at my house after I finally got my own room and I remember having butterflies that she was going to come over ??? I can’t remember if I’ve gotten those before. I don’t really like inviting people over to my house and tbh I’ve never had friends I wanted to invite over but what if that was because I secretly liked her? I remember one of my friends had a dream that I told him I was bisexual (at the time I thought I was, but I’m like 90% sure I’m aro) and that me and that same friend was dating and I remember being really surprised but also kind of intrigued as to what that would look like and then I remembered I would have to kiss her and that made me feel bad and kinda gross. And she’s like my best friend. I’m afraid I’m actually a lesbian, and that I’m going to want to date girls when I move out. All I ever wanted was a quiet and private life!! I wanted to stay single forever and not have to worry!! I don’t even know what I’m looking for but I feel so antsy on the inside, like I’m just waiting for the day it clicks that I’m actually a lesbian. I don’t want to date girls but I feel like I have to!!

I need help PLEASE. please. So my OCD is flaring so bad right now and I feel like stress and pms is causing this. I posted about a guy a week or two before and I told you guys we had no label. That's still true but he has honestly told me the he is still keeping his options open and still talking to other women. Usually that's fine / understandable but I've already gotten attached after three months and thought we were on the same page (wrong of me to assume) I felt so sad upon hearing that and though I understand cause we aren't exclusive I feel as if this cause great stress to me? and anxiety? but I STILL wanna pursue him don't get me wrong. Now, I usually stalk people on social media sometimes for no reason. Maybe I'm just nosey but I've noticed I've stalked him a lot especially this month because ever since the start of December I felt as if he started to show signs he liked me less? even if he has told me he liked me multiple times. Now after he has told me he talked to other women, I get the urge to stalk his profile and i do! I have been for the past three days! and i feel crazy. i feel like a psycho. I checked his recent followers, their accounts, check if he has liked the pictures. I normally don't do that, I used to but I made a rule to stop it and I feel like this new info has triggered and made me give into the urge. Now though, I have deleted instagram because Im aware and I wanna stop this. HOWEVER, I feel so bad. I feel so guilty. I feel like I'm this crazy psycho who isn't his girlfriend yet and is keeping tabs on hum. I don't wanna be this crazy psycho. It's making me get the urge to confess that I've stalked him multiple times on social media and would sometimes check games we play or overthink active status and minutes he's online. I wasn't like this when we started I don't know why I'm acting this crazy and I don't know why I feel the NEED to confess to him I've done all that (I'm fighting the urge to socially stalk him because I don't wanna be THAT type of girl) I feel like I don't deserve to pursue him because I'm crazy and it makes me so sad because I really like him. It breaks my heart I'm the way I am and I feel like he'll never accept me or anyone for that matter. It's too early to confide this with him but i've confided that Imve ocd symptoms before and he seems to be accepting of it but we WERE to date i don't think he'd know its THIS bad sometimes and sometimes HE will be the center of it. I just want the urge to confess to go away because not confessing gives me so much anxiety. Like I wanna get the relief of knowing he still accepts me even with the good the bad and the ugly. but it's too early to tell, i understand. It's only been three months. I feel crazy honestly. Idk if I'm really the crazy psycho girl I look like or if its just OCD making everything worse when things are bad.

Hey everyone! My name is Evelyn and I’m a new NOCD Advocate :-) I’ve been dealing with OCD for over a year now, struggling with themes such as Suicidal OCD, Existential OCD, and so on. Doing therapy through NOCD and learning how to do ERP has changed my life for the better! I’m here for you all as a fountain of support and encouragement - remember you are stronger than you think you are!

“Do not be afraid I am with you” “I go before you always”. Jesus will always walk with you thru your toughest battles. Trust in him!

🎄 If anyone has Scrupolosity OCD, Moral OCD or Existential OCD I would love to help you! I can share with you my story and testimony. I hope it offers hope!! And to make you feel less alone. I am here to chat and would love to offer any help I can with this daily suffering. I am posting this every day till Christmas. Even if it helps one person it is so worth it! 🎄

My mum just went into hospital because her face was dropping to one side. I couldn't go with her because of Covid-19. I am sitting at home worrying so much. They paramedics came and they didnt seem too worried because she didn't have any really bad symptoms but said they wanted to send her in to "rule anything bad out". No one in my house seems worried. But I am worrying so much :( I honestly cannot cope in life without my mum, I dont want anything bad to happen to her. Please send your prayers for my mum..

I have ocd, but the latest thing I’m dealing with isn’t ocd and it’s just a really terrible thing I’m going through for no reason. I’m so alone. And suicidal. But I don’t want to die, so my mind looks for a spot of light everywhere, but I’d rather just be comfortable in my suicidal thoughts. I know this isn’t about ocd and I’ll probably get kicked off but I’m just empty.

Guys please comfort me. My mums face seems to have dropped to one side. I'm really scared its serious. We are going to go to the ER soon. It doesn't look like a stroke. My dad had a stroke last year. She seems fine in every way. Please help me feel less scared and stop imagining the worst.

I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing. I can't afford therapy anymore. I don't know what's happening. I feel like I'm going crazy. I don't know how to manage my OCD anymore. It's out of control

It feels like my OCD has latched onto something else now. All of the things I generally did on the internet in my teen years. It's always about my teen years since I guess I still am a teen. The OCD is beginning to mainly target porn videos I watched and other horrible things I remember seeing whether it'd be on youtube, Twitter, instagram, facebook, and even adult sites. Or at least the wrong sites of all of those things. Usually, when these terrible things come up, they are usually trending, whether it'd be someone dying, a crime, or something disturbing for the average person. I remember seeing things like these and being disturbed in the moment, but I was able to move on at he time. Now, everything is coming back. It's all hitting me at once. It's repeating left and right and I always worry whether or not because I've seen videos like those, it'll mean something about me or target my likelihood of things. Twitter had it the absolute worst. There I found someone being blown away by a shotgun, a hit and run from actual camera footage (I really don't know how people find things like these and I don't want to know. Even safe meme pages I follow now show things from cam footages in the outside world), beastiality, CP accounts, and worrying if I've seen damaging content on those adult sites. With the limited knowledge I had when it was me and my porn addiction, I always assumed that content uploaded to porn sites that were accessible all had consent in them, besides the obviously illegal videos like ones with children in it. I feel like a terrible person for being into porn for as long as I was. I feel bad that I was accidentally exposed by it. I feel bad that I felt like it was something people had to look at in order to fit in and understand what life would be like growing up. Most of all, I feel confused. I'm always confused about sexual things. I'm confused about my sex life, what I want in a girl, and I'm confused if it'll even happen. I'm also confused about all those videos I've seen. We're they all consentual? Legal? Safe for the people who participated? I don't blame viewers of material that can be scattered all over the place, but when it comes to flat out threathening videos and pictures that can be found behind the scenes, I blame the ones in possession to sharing non verified content, especially if they can get somebody hurt. But I'm feeling so awful because I may have watched people get hurt and not realized it until it was too late. I'm not certain of the past or the future when it comes to these things. My OCD wanders like a roller coaster when trying to figure out all of the events that are real, fake, detrimental, life changing, or hurtful. But, I do know this: Browsing all of this social media is a both a bless and a curse. Much like life itself, there's a good and bad in everything. Nothing is perfect, as much as we want them to be. There's the mistakes, big or small, and there's the fulfillments, big or small. All I know is that continuing on, I don't want pornography in my life, and I don't want to try and figure out everything all at once. And that's okay. I just want my mind to let go. Let go of everything. Let go of the past. Let go of the worries. Let go of the predictions. Just to relax for once. I don't know where we'll all end up in the future, and that's fine. Only the present matters. And that's all we can control.