Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Spiraling now please help. I went on a late bloomer thread on Reddit and people were saying how they didn’t even consider a relationship with a woman until they fell in love or realized their feelings for friends because of compulsory heterosexuality. One of them even went through intense questioning before she realized that she was gay because of internalized homophobia and could not accept the truth. Now I am like what if I just cannot accept the truth. I have really wanted to be friends with some girls and really sought out their approval and thought about them a lot. Now I am worried that I actually liked them and was just suppressing romantic/sexual feelings for them because also some of my favorite tv characters growing up were women. I also just had sex with a guy and I thought I was really into it but I wasn’t turned on. I wasn’t super boy crazy growing up either but I had a boyfriend in middle school who I thought I really liked but now I just think that is a lie and I just liked him as a friend. Some people on there were telling the person to go out and experiment, but I don’t want to be with a women but is that just me in denial. I am sorry for the long post I feel horrible and hopeless any help would be great

Does anyone else see things as "signs"? For instance if you see a box that says "Phoenix" and you happened to have a friend that lives in Phoenix and they have been on your mind lately, you think it is a sign that God wants you to be living in Phoenix?

Hi folks nine months since coming off meds cipramil for twelve years and then changing too prozac and then too quetiapine and then cipramil and quetiapine only after Prozac didn’t work for two months being on. Well a few tablet changes. I am suffering with crippling violent ocd thoughts of knives going across my wrists my organ being taken out biting my finger off my tongue you name it I have it the most gruesome thoughts and then of harm too everyone and everything going to peoples houses me doing harm. Me me me it’s all about me failing miserably. I had a trauma In my life recently where I was accused of falsifying a claim I had which was definitely not the lcase. I swear on my life on This. Since changing meds and this trauma I am basically left like this suicidal and all nothing had helped me so far. Has anyone else had the same thought or is it just me most people don’t say but I’m not afraid to say this here and now as nothing is more frightening then living inside your head everyday as when these thoughts of this gruesome nature show up nothing could have much more pain this. I know you all are going through this sort of thoughts dint be afraid to speak out as this is what people with ocd need to do let it all out. I really hope someday there is a cure for this Monster that tears every fibre Of your being down and allows you to not recognise yourself when you look in the mirror. Anybody else feel the same or have the same violent thoughts

TW!/ su/cide guys this is really urgent. my partner has been suicidal for months now. i am almost sure/positive that they have ocd. i've tried explaining to them to not compulse but i really am not good at it. can someone please, I BEG comment good articles explaining what compulsions are and how to avoid doing them? please. ill do literally anything. i can draw for you. just please help me.

I’m scared about something but then idk if this is just normal. I see everything in my life as related / connected to me. So for example, if my home town was on the news or something, I’d feel really proud. Or if someone mentions a show I know or a place I’ve been to, I feel proud and ‘connected to’ or ‘part of’ that thing. And same goes for people. Like if my friend did something awesome I’d feel proud in knowing that I’m her friend. Or if my favourite singer becomes popular, I’ll feel proud in knowing I am ‘a part’ of her. If my family members come across a certain away, I feel like it reflects onto me. Does this make any sense? I’m just scared it’s super vain and egotistical of me to extend myself to all these things when they are their own things without me. Like I’m not that special lol, and I’m scared I think I am. The worst one is when it extends to people because I worry I don’t recognise people as separate living being with thoughts and emotions beyond my needs (which is bullshit and I know that I do, it’s just hard to believe that when I worry that if others judge my friends or family, they will - by extension - judge me). I care for people and don’t want to hurt anyone. But then why do I worry that, if they are judged, then I will be judged? Narcissistic people see others simply as a supply for themselves, and they don’t care. I don’t see people as a supply, but my OCD says I do. I’m so scared of using people. But surely in every relationships, you’re seeking your needs to be met, and that’s not vain? Anyways yeah, the judgement one is definitely what trips me up the most. I know it’s not uncommon when you’re little to be scared that your peers will judge your parents, and then judge you by extension etc. But I hate that I still have this mindset at times as a late teenager. But I’d never tell anyone to change.

Is it possible to have an OCD attack without feeling something? No anxiety just thoughts

So I was just talking to the counselor that I was seeing 4 years ago when my OCD first started getting really bad. He basically told me that programs like this can help take the edge off OCD but I will most likely have these horrible intrusive thoughts for the rest of my life. He said they might get better with age but there's no guarantee. This is devastating to me because I've been struggling with this since I was 16, I'm 20 now. Does this sound true to anyone because I don't know what to do anymore?

Hi everyone my OCD is really bad right now.

Can pure OCD make you ‘adopt’ the mindset of the type of thing you fear being? Like I’ve started thinking differently and I worry I’m perceiving the world how the group of people I fear being would.

Had a few good months. Although I am still not sure whether I have real event OCD or am just a horrible person, I managed to have quite a good daily life and could even talk about marriage again with my bf, which was a hard trigger before. Yesterday, while cleaning, I accidentally read a private sheet of paper, laying on his drawer. I glanced on it and looked righ away but I read something like an affirmation for an upcoming exam. In this second I got the urge again, to confess, to tell that I invaded his privacy, which I know he doesn't like. To confess my mistake and to let him know what kind of girlfriend he has, for he has a right to know and so on. Unfortunately, I wasn't strong enough to resist this compulsion so I told him in the evening. And after that it pretty much went downhill. All those questions that I stopped answering in those months popped back up and seemed as urgent as they could, I remembered more things I may have or have done wrong and that he "has a right to know" and I am devastated. It was so hard to get to a point where I could endure this thoughts even though they felt real. I feel like I have to start all over again now. It is so hard. I am from Germany, we are in a hard lockdown, I can't see no one and there is no perspective. I have to study but I can't anymore, I studied law and I should do more but all I can manage is watch TV and play video games so I don't have to listen to my mind. I am so tired, and now I feel like I am back to zero. OCD is such a bitch, if you give in one time it snatches right onto you again. I know that only a few of you are actually going to read all this, but I feel so lonely. I really try to cope with my mental health issues, but the lockdown makes it incredibly hard to do so. I know that I just need to do the same things I did before. Small steps, acceptance & commitment, accepting uncertainty. But maybe you could leave a few kind words or just any words at all. I just want to connect to people, I feel so isolated...

why did that first intrusive thought ever have to pop in my head 💔 now I'm a shell off a person who believes I actually want to be a bad person. I feel like I must be insane.

Day 16 since I cured myself from OCD. Feeling great and happy 😊 Good night sleep and no thoughts at all. Learned in my therapy how to turn off rumination. There is almost 9 inches of snow outdide. Excited to go out after I finish my coffee and breakfast. I wish everyone speedy recovery ⛷

Yeah I think I’m done. I’m just not going to try anymore. At least I got one good workout in before I finally give up. Even when my mind wants to get back up I’m just going to ignore it and stay miserable. It’s like I’m missing out on nothing or no one. It’s time for me to give up. I’m seriously for now on just going to stay in my room until I decide to finally die it’s pointless trying to fight people making me miserable and just be miserable. I’m done getting frustrated. If being miserable and killing myself is what will come of my life than so be it. I don’t care anymore.

Man I can’t go back to sleep smfh. I hate when this happens. I hate how sensitive my body is when someone looks at me. I can just feel a warm sensation on my back as if someone is staring at me smfh. Even took an antipsychotic but oh well. I guess I’ll stay up till I can’t anymore. Pretty much the only thing I can do.

I really messed up. I did checking compulsions twice this week. I looked up naked pics of guys. This is a huge trigger for me. I usually don't do compulsions like this. I look at the pictures and it ranged from disgust or just disinterest. I have felt before a little sexual arousal, but never alot. As time has gone on I just feel more an more convinced its true. It feels like it's not normal to feel nothing. I even feel like I don't want to look at this. All I can think is I'm just worried about what other people think. I just feel like my thoughts are true.

Am I allowed to feel happy when I notice a attractive girl and notice I’m attracted to her as long as I don’t turn it into a compulsion later by reminding myself I’m not gay because I found that girl attractive. And am I allowed to feel happy when I notice that noticing guys isn’t causing me distress or anxiety like it usually does

does anyone else have the issue where your head says the EXACT OPPOSITE thing youre actually thinking, like ill be like "oh this girl is pretty" and my brain will be like "oh this girl is UGLY" instead, even though thats not what im thinking. or itll be even worse like "i love my boyfriend and my cats" and it'll turn into I hate them. WHY. its so irritating to me it feels like my own brain goes literally against everything im actually feeling and thinking in the first place. i have no idea what this is.

How do you date with OCD ? I feel like I need to ramble a little, so bear with me. I’ve dated so many guys and not been into any of them. I used to think if I just gave them more of a chance or spent more time with them that the attraction would develop. But I never feel that intensely attracted I’m attracted to women’s bodies. But I’ve ever been with a girl. Due to that, I think I might be a lesbian. I know no one can tell me if Im a lesbian or not. But I want to work why the idea scares me I grew up in a religious family who sees being gay as wrong. My mom has hopes that I’ll have kids one day. Lowkey I also hope I end up wanting to have kids because I’d feel bad “ending my family line” And also idk why. I feel guilty if I don’t want them, but the idea of them overwhelms me Even if I was bisexual, I would REALLY hope I fall in love with a guy anyway just to avoid this. Anyway, with all this, I don’t know how to date. I could try talking to girls on Tinder to explore my sexuality, but I would feel scared lying to my parents. And I find it draining to constantly talk to people. I’m 23 and a virgin. I know life isn’t a race but why does that make me feel bad ? Like I’m not normal? It reminds me of how many intimacy issues I have Maybe I’m demisexual or something. Idk. Or maybe I should strictly ONLY talk to people on tinder im immediately attracted to. I know that sounds shallow but I feel like when I’ve “given people a chance”, someone always moves faster than I do Anyways, I just needed to talk TLDR; Should I try talking to girls even if I live in an anti LGBT household? What if I never get with someone nor have kids and disappoint my parents ? How do I deal with this shame ?

I have previously posted on Reddit pages asking for advice about my obsessions I see now it was solely reassurance. what makes me feel worse is I have SOOCD, so I would go to LGBT/lesbian Reddits and ask if I seemed gay. The last time I did this was Thursday. A woman responded saying what I posted was offensive, considering being a lesbian is not at all bad (which I wholeheartedly agree) and asked why I was using their space as confirmation that i was straight. I feel like an Asshole. I came into their community for self-serving issues, which I already knew was wrong as I had deleted posts there before. Women who legitimately struggle with questioning or fears about their safety because of their sexuality do not need to fix my “marriage problems” by telling me I sound straight. I just hate that I get into these moods and do things I know aren’t good. These poor women and others on those pages did not deserve what I posted.

So my head is telling me I miss the last three years of high school which were undoubtedly the worst years of my life primarily because of OCD. It’s done this loads, being that I want to make music that helps people which was influenced by the stuff I went through. For the last week or so my brains tried to convince me I miss it and because it’s been almost a year since, it’s not as clear. It started tonight when I was looking at my gallery on my camera and I passed photos Id taken in high school. I got a sad kind of anxious feeling in my stomach. Not nostalgia at all but a missing feeling. And my brain begins going “you miss all off it. What a great time” which isn’t true. I was so unhappy in high school mainly because of OCD to the point that at the time I despised high school and couldn’t wait for it to end and hopefully be happier in college (which I am). I began arguing and I’m 99% certain I don’t miss OCD and I don’t miss feeling like shit in my room on a night but I’ll be honest there are things I miss. Like for example: Do I miss being exhausted and drained by ocd every day along with regular school life? No. Do I miss exhausting myself avoiding kids in the hallway every time I’d have to wake around school? No. And trust me avoiding over 1000 kids even getting into your peripheral vision in a school is draining as hell. Do I miss sitting in my room on a night dealing with ocd and feeling sorry for myself over not being out? No. Do I miss repeating the same day of ocd over and over with the only slight break being the weekend? No. But Do I miss my yeargroup, the people I grew up with? Yes. Do I miss my teachers? Yes. Do I miss some of the funny moments? Yes. That’s what I mean, I feel as though it’s not that I miss high school but regret it. I want to look back and think “wow what a great period” but I never can because of OCD. I’ve said it before to myself I don’t miss the high school that I had, I miss the high school I could’ve had, as in one without ocd where I was going out with friends. But it makes me feel like I’m lying, like I miss the ocd and like I miss sitting in even though I’m miles happier in college now that I don’t have ocd as bad usually and when I can (due to lockdown) go out compared to when I never used to in high school. I don’t know how to explain it but I know deep down it’s regret. I don’t miss the OCD although like I said, my brain tells me I do. I remember leaving high school and thinking “fuck this place, I hate it, i can’t wait to leave” and then when I left it hit me, what I’m certain is regret. Because it’s not a “I miss the whole thing” it’s a “I miss elements of high school but I don’t miss feeling like shit all the time and stressing out and being drained”.