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the NOCD Community

I saw a better therapist today, she seemed as if she’s been familiar with same people as me. Still fearful and worried. I become fearful of good thoughts because I feel they’ll come around to bite me. It feels the more I try to think of good thoughts genuinely they’re filled with doubt as soon as I say or think them and it really sucks. Does anyone else fear that they’re losing their masculinity(guys)?

I’m starting to believe an intrusive thought as a memory and I can’t live with the thought that I might’ve done it ): I know I haven’t but I’m scared I’m going to full on believe I did and ruin my life because of it. No matter how much I tell myself I haven’t I don’t believe it and it feels like my life is over

Did anybody felt better when taking zoloft?

Currently dealing with thoughts that my boyfriend doesn’t care about me based on our interactions last night and this morning via text (which I shouldn’t even read into). Usually I would confront him and he would assure me that’s not the case... but then that feeds the OCD and I feel guilt. I’m fighting really hard right now but it’s hard. Another layer of this is that we have different love languages. I’m words of affirmation, and that’s something he’s trying to work on but some days it does falls flat for me. Helpppp!

Does anyone else literally get stuck in the bathroom because you washed your hands but then you touched a tap and or the towel and you keep going. Your parents are getting angry because of how long you have been in there and your breakfast is going cold? This happens everyday 4 me

My biggest HOCD fear Isn’t even about being gay anymore it’s about hurting others and being known as a liar or that I deceived her and every other girl I dated. I don’t even give myself the freedom to be gay if I felt like being gay hahah it’s completely dependent on how others will feel and see me and the shame and the yatta yatta...GUYS OR GIRLS WHO ARE GOING THROUGH HOCD...I’ve dug myself too big of a whole to the point where my sexuality might actually be something else hahaha but the feeling and thoughts of HOCD still keeps me up at night and attack me in the morning - ALL RELATED TO GUILT AND SHAME AND BEING GAY IN THE FUTURE WITH MY BEST MALE FRIEND AND LIFE COMING TO AN END....but I’m getting through it somehow! If you want to laugh let’s talk about our stories. There was once a time where I got 35 erections in one day all for guys including around every male family member in my family and male friend in my class. The girls that I hooked up with frequently and had sex with all the time came to me years later and I couldn’t get it up and they were all so confused.

I haven't even had any intrusive thoughts, I'm just anxious I'm a bad person and am what I fear. I KNOW I should be confident, I know I should label the thoughts as ocd, but yet I still fear I don't truly have ocd or that I really am just truly a bad person who has manipulated their therapist into thinking they aren't or that I'm just some sort of bad person who on the spectrum isn't as bad as others or something? I just hate this. *possible trigger* I always pray that if I truly am a P that God will just kill me some how.

Friends here with ROCD- I haven’t ever been in a serious relationship, the last time I “dated” was 8 years ago, and I don’t really think I know what it actually looks like to like someone. I’ve recognized a certain cycle that’s happened probably 20 times in my life but didn’t realize how unhealthy it was until this year. This is the cycle: I find a guy somewhat attractive, he either says something or does something small (normal, not out of the ordinary?), my brain takes this little thing(s) and obsesses over it & turns it into this huge deal where I keep thinking about him, stalking his social media, making me compulsive (googling things, asking friends for advice, etc), and making me believe I really like this guy. This has happened twice in the last 3 months. Does this happen to anyone else?! How do you break the cycle, etc? When I’m in the obsession phase, it literally lasts for a week and sometimes makes me physically sick from the stress. Help!

Advice please! I have OCD, and it’s wormed it’s way to my relationship. It particularly revolves around social media, trust and the security of being together “forever”. I whole heartedly trust my partner. However, we all know that OCD causes doubt in the most rational things. Lately, if I get an irrational thought, I ask my partner if it’s true or not true, I get the affirmation I need, and then I feel intense guilt. The cycle begins again because I feel insecure for asking such questions, How do I work through these nagging thoughts and not bring my boyfriend into it? I get super impulsive and just ask him to reassure me. When I don’t ask him and challenge the thought, I’m really moody with him. I’ve had OCD my entire life and have “cured” other obsessions/rituals but for some reason, this one is tough, since another person is involved. Any advice?!

I feel pretty dumb and emotionless right now. Do not feel like myself. Again, no libido, forced with HOCD, don’t want to go anywhere except stay in bed. I just want my love for women to be back. I just don’t feel the same anymore. I’m looking up stuff and it says that this shit affects relationships with your girlfriend/Significant other and now I’m even more depressed over this shit. It’s like when I genuinely try to think about her, I feel good, then it immediately goes away, she is so beautiful, we want everything together. Why am I in my own hellhole of doom in my head. Seriously, I love this woman deep down, I want to be intimate, so why is that so hard to ask? Why do I have to suffer? I’m almost done with this bs

I get bullied at school for having this. What should I do?

Hi everyone! Hope everyone’s doing well. I just wanted to ask a question because I’ve been trying to improve with not letting the intrusive thoughts make me spiral, but something happened the other day that has been making me really upset, and down, but I don’t know if my worry is connected to my OCD or if it’s just general feelings. I just wanted some advice. Basically, I’ve been struggling with POCD and also have struggled with HOCD however the HOCD is not as bad now, however I do still frequently get the intrusive thoughts. Anyway, someone on here told me and several sites that I had been making my OCD worse by avoiding things such as masturbating or porn to avoid the intrusive thoughts in these situations. So the other day, I tried to watch some whilst masturbating, and not stopping if the intrusive thoughts came, and just try and brush them off and not have a guilt spiral. But I watched a video that came up and it was a man working as a masseuse and there were different women coming in and he was massaging them but going close to her down below and then touching her there. And the camera angle was weird, and it looked hidden and I did get a bit worried about it but just carried on. But then I looked at the top of the video and it said sponsored by hidden cameras in massage places. And then I was like omg no what if this video has been uploaded and the women didn’t have consent and they didn’t know they were being filmed and I’ve just watched a man touching them. And I didn’t stop the video, I watched for around 20 more seconds and then turned it off so now I feel so so guilty, and I feel like a terrible person. Is this my OCD ? I’m just so stressed and feel awful, I keep trying to brush the thoughts away but it’s becoming difficult to, and it’s making me feel terrible. Any help ?

I have had harm intrusive thoughts for over 45 years. Though I fell better I still have bad weeks or months. Retired law enforcement, I saw alot of bad things that triggered my OCD. My faith in God has got me through, but I also believe God puts people in your path to help so you in return can help others. Thank you for everyone involved that have the courage to share there story. Thanks, Jeff

Ocd warriors please some advice ❤️ Are fake feelings a thing? Or am I just making stuff up. Sometimes I “feel” all these horrible things about my partner but I know even in those moments deep down that I love him! And when I’m not in those moments it’s not even just deep down that I love him - it’s right there, on the surface. I even feel guilty typing ‘deep down’ but it’s the only way I can try and explain it. I’m a 13hr shift tomorrow and I can’t even bare to think of it and how I will get through it feeling the way I do. For the first time in a while I’ve had suicidal thoughts and that’s not really like me. My fake ‘feelings’ make me feel I’ve betrayed my boyfriend, and I feel I’m not in control and have opposite actions. For example actions I don’t want to do, that I do. E.g, leaning too close over a colleague when reaching for something near them. I don’t know what else to do?

Hey guys I just wanted to share something with you, please read I'm a 15 year old guy suffering from HOCD and it just doesn't seem to go away. It feels like everything is so real and my life was just a lie upto this point. I am starting to believe that my attraction to girls was false and I am actually attracted to men. Idk up till I was 14 I was attracted to girls but now I feel that during puberty my real sexuality is emerging. Now these thoughts are becoming increasingly annoying and these thoughts are starting to affect my personal life. My relationship with my parents is getting bad and these thoughts are starting to have bad effects on my studies and school life. It feels really bad and just doesn't seem to go away. I can't tell you how many hours of my life have been wasted thinking about these thoughts. This was just my rant and if anyone read till the end thanks a lot for reading this and I hope everyone here becomes free of their ocd and I pray that your ocd will vanish and you will start living a healthy life again. Thanks for reading.

i don’t know why i am constantly so afraid and anxious when i am alone especially at night like all i think about is is someone looking at me or watching me or is someone going to break in etc it’s the worst possible thing to feel like this fight or flight bodily response and emotional response and mental response 24.7 i am so tired and like lately i’ve been obsessing over thoughts about people having repressed memories and wondering if it’s possible idk i just wish i could relax or at least know why i feel like this so i could understand it and learn control it but i have no idea what my triggers even are it’s just a constanr state of being

Hi all. Just wondering, I guess it's anxiety, who of you have experienced just a sudden feeling of fear for no apparent reason, like this uneasy feeling like you're scared but there's no reason and then your mind starts racing and searches for why you feel like this and all kind of bizzare stuff pops up. ?

Ok so I’ve been kind of upset about this all day so I figured I would share this. I’m really nervous doing it because I don’t want to get judged for it. I feel so guilty about it all the time. So a couple of years ago I was babysitting a family friends kid, and they were crawling all over me, jumping up and down, and I wound up having a groinal response (I really don’t wanna say the kind.) I kind of put it in the back of my mind and forgot about it, but around last year I remembered and latched onto it and it threw me into my OCD spiral. I remembered this happened maybe two other times before that, and of course I felt weird and guilty by it. I didn’t experience any sexual arousal, yet this happened to me. I always had sexually intrusive thoughts ever since I was a little kid, so perhaps I was just having a groinal response to when that was happening because I was thinking “omg what if...” or whatever, but of course I can’t remember my thoughts. Now I know what a groinal response is and that they come in all shapes and sizes (lol) but because this happened *before* I realized I had POCD, my brain has convinced me that it was some kind of genuine attraction and that I wanted to do something bad

Why do people say “you used to be able to do it in the past”, “you need to work with your social workers”, “you have to try harder”, “you have to fight” when in fact that’s ALL I’ve been doing. Why do people f*****g think this is how I want to live. That I chose this. The past defines who I am now. Yet disregard that but tell me I was once able to do things. I’m so sick and tired. Mental health industry is greedy. Insurance is greedy. Yet other conditions are covered. I’m getting told “screw you” from left and right, nothing is affordable as they claim and the only thing I can get is a bandaid for my symptoms. And they say I need to keep living to keep suffering. This world is B******t!!! Try self ERP? I’ve done it. I’ve been trying but there are lots of questions because it’s not a cookie cutter!

Not looking for reassurance, but has anybody ‘overcome’ false memory OCD? I have been working at it and the thoughts have become a lot less powerful and intrusive over a week (the memories are terrible) I am just worried they won’t let me be happy again in the long term. That I’ll always feel like a bad person Not needing reassurance, just wanting to hear anybody’s stories?