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what if my mental "checks"(imagining scenarios with the same sex to see if i am aroused)are actually what i want but i call them "checks" and "compuslions" to mask my denial with hocd??? please help i am starting to panic that i have always been gay in denial and it's not hocd i have been doing good for about 4 days

Smfh. I hate how my ocd always has to interfere with my sexual thoughts of women smfh. My ocd just does not like me being able to think about sex with women smfh. It will do anything in its power to mix it up smfh. I could be thinking about sex with a girl and it will start to make me think of something else like a person, an object, an animal anything to stop me from thinking about sex with a women smfh. Like it’s not my fault. I just get anxiety about it and it keeps me having an arousal feeling cuz it’ll mix up the sexual thought of a chick smfh. I’m sorry but I can’t help it smfh.

Please read. Two weeks ago I got an image about strangling my parents or other people. But now I even have thoughts such as ' If x happens, you could kill them'. These thoughts feel like they are my own desire not intrusive thoughts. Could I be a psycho ? Or maybe a narcissist? How could I possibly know that ?? It feels so real scary af. I'm scared of what I could be.

real event ocd coming to attack when i am trying to sleep...i feel so much regret and guilt, i just keep writing in my notes like someone can hear me...:( i wish i could turn back time

Last night I went out drinking for the first time in over a year and a half. This morning I’m full of anxiety (which I know is common after drinking). We went out and a random girl held my hand because we were all running to this place, before this theme I would’ve been fine with this and thought nothing of it but now I’m worried I liked holding her hand :’( I also had a bunch of random guys I hadn’t met before chatting me up in this club whilst my friend was with her boyfriend, I didn’t fancy any of them which makes me think in gay/ bi or something :( I also felt so ugly, manly looking all night and out of place, I really don’t want lockdown to be over, I just want to stay inside forever :(

BASICALLY MY FEAR IS SEMEN CONTAMINATION IN A BROADER WAY BODILY FLUIDS OCD I TAKE A BATH EVERYTIME I EJACULATE BUT THE LAST TIME I DID IT I FEEL LIKE I DIDN'T WASH MY EARS SO I FEAR IVE SPREAD IT ALL OVER MY HOUSE

TW DEATH: I’ve figured out my core fear is death. I was curious what others had done for their exposures when this was the case? I’m scared of if heaven if real or not, the idea of being buried since I’m claustrophobic, the idea of being separated from the ones i love,. I literally shutter just at writing some of these words. Someone very close to me just lost their husband in a tragic accident and it’s been very triggering.

Not to sound too depressing but does anybody else get scared or worried about the fact you have to deal with OCD for the rest of your life now that you have it.. Is it even possible to live somewhat of a normal life and have your thoughts not bother you as much?

I keep putting off having a baby when my partner really really wants one, because I'm terrified that I'll harm it or strangle it or something. Do you think I should have a baby? I want one but I'm terrified that these thoughts will get so bad when the baby comes. I will end up having to leave the house in fits of tears and terror or something

My strangest fear was the fear of chicken soup. Did anybody else ever have a very strange off the wall fear? just wondering

I don’t normally make posts like this but if anyone can relate or has advice so I don’t feel so alone I would appreciate it! I feel like crying and I’m so anxious. So I’ve been dealing with an ocd flare up since February. It started out as contamination and harm after I had a really bad experience on a edible. The contamination mostly centered around the fear of someone accidentally giving me an edible to someone putting it in my food or water. Then it went from there to my Brian going you know what’s worse than edibles? LSD. So then I obsessed over that and it’s been like that on and off. I’ve had an extremely hard time with it it’s been one of the worst themes I ever had. I don’t eat certain things. Especially sweets. I avoid them. I avoid taking medication Bc I’m scared. I limit myself. I’m horrible about opening water bottles and if it doesn’t open just right I won’t drink out of it. I know it’s crazy I know it’s untrue but the panic I feel traces back to that night. I don’t ever want to feel that out of control again it scared me so bad I got diagnosed with ptsd (to be fair I had a lot of unresolved trauma that caused my glass to overfill) well, I’ve been going to EMDR therapy it’s got my ptsd under control but the ocd is louder. My ocd is clawing to stay alive. I’ve started to have intrusive thoughts now about my boyfriend might slip something into my water even though ITS NOT TRUE. So then I panic because the thoughts are so irrational that I get scared like why would I ever think that about him???? But the intrusive thoughts are so jarring and I don’t want my ocd to focus on him now! I need advice! I’ve been prescribed pristiq but haven’t taken it Bc you guessed it.,.. I’m scared to! I can’t go on like this! The thoughts are so irrational it scares me even though the rational side of me knows it’s not true but I guess that’s ocd. We get scared of the thoughts even though we know it’s not true and I know it’s my brain trying to keep the ocd going. I know therapy must be working otherwise my theme subjects wouldn’t have changed so fast. I’m so tired of this.

Any pregnant mamas on here ?

Somethings just never change smfh. Another day where I don’t go to the gym smfh. It’s the same thing every day. I get like 3-5 hrs of sleep and I’ll get up knowing I’ve only gotten that much of sleep and I’ll drink some coffee to try to wake up and eat and watch a little bit of tv and then I’ll start to feel tired again and find myself just turning the tv off and trying to fall back to sleep and by the time I wake up it’s to late to go cuz it’s when everyone goes to the gym and I won’t be able to do anything I want to do so I stay at home watch some more tv probably meditate a couple times to clear my mind and that’s how my day is. I honestly don’t even know where to go for therapy smfh. I was told by a previous therapist that by June Medicaid was going to be approved to cover residential treatment facilities but idk. My previous therapist was making facial gestures to keep me away when I said to her that’s probably what I’ll do probably cuz she’s still in the mindset I’m gay and just in denial which is why she stopped seeing me. She saw that I was no longer accepting that it’s true and stopped therapy with me. Why else would a therapist all of a sudden stop treatment smfh. I’m not in denial I’m just hard to figure out. It’s not like I try to be. Maybe if they just did there jobs right and payed more attention to me and took a more detailed approach with me I wouldn’t be in this mess. My previous therapist didn’t even take notes which at first I thought it was odd and I started to think she can just remember stuff pretty good. But then when she messed up telling me back something one time made me realize she doesn’t take notes cuz it’s like what for what? It’s in the past why does it matter now? She just nods her head and agrees when I bring up something from the past and goes like yeah I remember smfh. Can’t believe it actually took me that long to figure out her method smfh. My first psychiatrist definitely thinks I’m gay smfh and I’m like 21 to 0 bitch and it’s not because I need to prove anything. I just have sex with escorts cuz I need sex and want to have sex and I got tired of waiting for my ocd to clear up to have mutual sex with a girl. It just sucks I have to pay all cuz of my fuckin ocd. If it wasn’t for my ocd I wouldn’t have done it and would’ve had sex probably a long time ago but it is what it is. I’m doing everything I can to get better it just doesn’t work for me smfh. But yeah I’m kind of at a lost on what therapy to pursue now a days. It’s not like anyone I go to actually gets it and tells me what to do or tells me what I should do smfh.

Why would some girl say that I have a gay face when I'm not gay. I'm so confused 😔

How does ocd impact appetite and sleep? Does it make you gain weight or lose it? Does make you wanna sleep all day and avoid thoughts or does it give you insomnia?

I already knew I wasn’t going to be able to go to sleep but I tried smfh. I even took a melatonin which I’ve been avoiding cuz I figure what’s the point of trying to do what I want to do when I can’t anymore smfh. My ocd runs my life pretty much. I’m easily triggered and shit smfh but I can’t really do anything about it. It’s not like I can avoid what I’m feeling when I go to sleep there’s just no end to feeling an arousal feeling when someone is looking at me. It is what it is.

I did something really disgusting and perverted earlier today, not to mention illegal. I cannot stop feeling disgusted with myself and panicking about how I will probably be caught and arrested, and I can feel it starting to become an obsession. Should I confess to my mom to relieve the guilt and make myself feel a little better? Should I turn myself in?

18+ Okay now I’m really worried that I may be a p bc I’m 18 and one of my friends that I’ve know awhile he asked I wanted to hook up and I was like really hesitant and bc he’s my friend but then he like convinced me so I said okay..yeah I guess..? But I was still very unsure and I didn’t want to like make him feel bad and bc I felt pressured that I should be like having sex and I honestly like wasnt thinking that one year was bad, until I told my mom about it and she asked how old he was I and said 17 and then she was telling me that he’s still a minor n stuff and then I thought one year wasn’t bad and I wasn’t like thinking any bad things and I was still unsure in fact like I think it should’ve waited and bc I still believe in marriage before sex n stuff but, my mom was telling me that if he ever wanted to like report or something and since I’m 18 and he’s 17 i could get in trouble n stuff and now that has made me worried 🥲 but I’m glad I told her and I didn’t have an urge to like do anything to him bc I was still very hesitant and unsure and now I’m worried that what if like I wanted to do it even tho I didn’t know at all or what if that means I do it but with a different person even though I know it’s wrong now and like I understand and literally wouldn’t want to because it’s weird :( I don’t know anymore ...

Hey guys, Mike here from NY. I’m not going to post anything tonight, it’s late and I’m going to try and sleep soon, but I just wanted everyone to know that I’m here to help as much as I’m here for help. I’m basically an OCD encyclopedia. I’m 36 and was born with it. My severe episodes started as far back as I can remember at 7 years old. Back when it was super scary and I didn’t know what it was. No one did. I thought I was going crazy. My parents helped solidify that belief. As the years went on, it got worse or stayed just as severe, but information about OCD and therapy/medications began To pop up with the arrival of the Internet and with much more information being accessible, it was easier for more people to start to research it and understand what it was and that it was an actual condition. I’ve been on just about every medication you can name and it took over 15 years to get the right combination that works best for me. It’s still far from perfect and OCD is still a large part of my existence and consumes most of my life but over the years I have done so much research on it and have been through so much therapy that I’ve learned so much and that does help. I’ve learned techniques and things like that to help but the main thing that helps is knowing that you’re not the only one. It’s a condition that is actually common and many people out there are going through the same thing even though it feels like that’s not possible. A lot of information is available on it now And just in that you should find comfort. Science and technology has come a long way. So if there’s anything you want to ask me any questions or concerns about OCD and any advice you may be seeking and how to deal with certain situations feel free to ask. I’ll be checking in!

I am dealing with religion and existential OCD. Anyone else dealing with this right now? I'm analyzing everything about the bible and the first people to walk the earth. No I am not stoned LOL Although that can exacerbate this kinda thing lol