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the NOCD Community

Relationship OCD “but wait” that is WITH … everyone on the planet including myself 🤦🏻‍♀️!? Does anyone else feel this way? I cannot feel like I am connecting with anyone anymore. I don’t trust anyone as being authentic or truely listening to me or caring… i even feel like I dont trust my own feelings or judgments. I did not know what lonely was till now. I ruminate on every conversation even ones with my therapist. So I don’t know if im being authenic if im analysing my own conversations during them. Everything feels fake and I feel so alone and unloved and unable to love. I want to feel GOOD. Loved and like I am in love. In the moment. Young. I want to feel young while I am young. Ill be thirty in a couple years and ive wasted my youth on OCD. I want to know someone and be known before I get old 😔 but I dont know if ive ever been young. My life is gone. Runined.

Ok I need to rant. I’m a believer in Jesus. But I also have ocd and specifically ROCD so I’ve really been going through it for some time. My current thing is like - If I listen to sermons or read the Bible they just add to my obsessions and trigger anxiety so I’ve been just trying to focus on writing music cause it doesn’t give me anxiety and I think I am on earth partially to write music. Anyways now I feel like a sinner / not Christian or something because it’s like I don’t listen to sermons and I only read like a little of the Bible daily. So I wonder does anybody have a simeler experience and any advice? Thanks.

If youre reading please help. Ok so i have a friend i grew up with. We used to hang out more but now its kind of off and on. So thing is she came out and ever since I just felt weird. We used to have this other friend group and our other friend was a guy who was gay. Anyways when my one friend came out she was saying stuff like you choose who you love well me and my other friend were like no people dont choose to be gay they are born like that. Anyways fast forward to now and i just feel really off. Shes gotten all these tattos and dresses more butch. And it makes me uncomfortable. Idk. I never felt uncomfortable around my guy friend. But with her its really weird. We started hanging out again and my dad doesnt like it that shes gay and she also went through alot and my dad just thinks that it means shes a bad influence. I made the mistake of telling him shes gay and my dad was fine with her before that. I really have no idea if im just letting that get in the way (other peoples thoughts) or if i just dont feel comfortable with her anymore. I think i used to be ok but now she really only hangs out with gay guys most of the time. Idk it’s really weird whenever she brings up dating girls. We made plans to go hang out later this week and im just so confused. I really only have two friends rn and i feel like cutting each one out for different reasons. But then ill be left with no one. But then im like thats not a reason to not cut people off.... so im at a loss! Idk when it comes to friends I really dont know if im going about this the right way.

i have looked this up before to see if anyone else got this with Relgious OCD but never found anything. I get these terrible thoughts about something bad happening and then I make like a would you rather in my head I say would I rather this terrible thing happen not happen or go to heaven. and then I spend hours ruminating on what I would rather or I feel like I won't go to heaven.

can ROCD make you feel like you don’t love him? i do love him and even on good days there’s always has anxious feeling in me that brings on the what if’s and makes me feel like i don’t want to be with him. i have been diagnosed but i still question if i want to be with him. there was a time in my life where this was not even a question and i knew that he was the one i wanted to be with but my theme switched to ROCD a couple months ago and it feels like i’ll never be the same

is hocd worrying about your sexuality or not wanting to be gay??? because i have seen so many stuff and now i think this isn't hocd

im getting false attractions to dicks and it’s horrible, i’m a guy. i get this tension when i see one and it makes me feel like i want them. anyone else with some fixation like that? its horrible

I really need to speak to someone with HOCD. Right now.

Hey friends, I’m struggling. This is day 4 stuck on the same obsession and I’m not doing any compulsions and it’s not going away. I’m obsessing about what if I can never get this thought out of my head and it stays here the rest of my life and I always feel anxious, guilty, depressed, ashamed forever and never enjoy my life. Please leave suggestions for ERPs around this. Thank you 🙏🏻

I feel like I’ll never be able to fall genuinely for a guy and have a relationship with one. It seems like I’ll never gain my attraction back and I feel so hopeless 😞 I don’t wanna end up with a woman but it seems like deep down I do

I’m giving up with life

How are you doing today?

Does anyone else get triggered by a body part? It’s like I didn’t even know it existed or something before all of this. And now it just freaks me out all the time and I keep trying to check to see if I’m attracted or not.

Anyone have any advice on excessive hand washing and cleaning? I have to wash my hands a certain amount of times after using the bathroom, worst part is I constantly have to start over again through fear I skipped a number it was counting wrong (despite knowing I didn’t) - this lasts HOURS. My hands never feel clean until I’ve spent 90 minutes washing and starting over, it’s exhausting. Can anyone relate/ suggest anything to help? Thank you!

it feels like im drowning. i feel trapped. ***rocd vent*** my rocd has made things difficult in my relationship with my boyfriend, and i’m frightened that it’s the end i cant breathe without thinking it’s the end of him and me, i cant eat at all and i cant stop living with fear it’s been rocky lately with him, but i’m determined to keep going i want to because i truly cherish him, and love him yet my brain keeps asking me if i really do want to keep going, if i really do love him, and if i’m really okay with spending my days just dreading the end im obviously not, i want things to be okay again, but my ocd keeps haunting and haunting me and i’m so scared that these thoughts are my real ones, that these are my true feelings ive been open about my ocd with him, and this has contributed to the rocky patch it doesn’t help that i’m not formally diagnosed, and it also doesn’t help that i’ve been doubting whether or not i have ocd. (i have what i believe are a lot of the symptoms, but even then i doubt myself) i just feel like i’m drowning. i want peace in my head and in my heart. i want things to be back to normal with him and me, and i want to be happy. it just doesn’t feel the same, and i feel like it’s my fault for starting us on this rocky path. the last thing i want is a breakup, yet my thoughts tell me that i’d like freedom. they chant that i need to escape and run far far away. they make me feel like the only way out of the way i feel is by ending it, and i don’t want to end it. the only things moving me forward is the knowledge that i’ll get to speak to a professional soon (in two weeks), and the hope that things get better in time. thank you to whoever reads my rant, and i’m sorry if this is triggering. i just needed to write how i feel somewhere. reassurance has been driving me downhill, so please don’t reassure me. if possible, just give me advice on how to cope with feeling this way.

I am struggling a lot with guilt regarding my relationship. When I have intrusive thoughts regarding my sexuality, it feels like I am considering leaving my boyfriend. This makes me feel unfaithful because we have always been so committed to each other. I feel like such an awful girlfriend and accepting uncertainty only makes it worse for me because it feels like accepting that I might not love him. I hate this so much, and I want to go back to my old self. A few years ago I would’ve laughed at you if you told me that I’d go through this because I was so boy crazy and never considered that I might not be straight. I miss my old self. I feel like my brain is telling me I have to be someone I don’t want to be, and I have no control. I would really appreciate any advice anyone can give.

Anyone else get scared they don’t like the sex they like for the right reason? For me: I fear I don’t actually like men, I just think I like them because I am male-validation oriented / men are the default to be attracted to as I’m a woman etc

I feel terrible because a set of memories have been on my mind since march. i used to watch a lot of pornography. that included lolicon, shotacon, and even toddlercon. at the time i had been watching it, i didn’t think much of it. i don’t want to blame it on hormones even though at the time i had watch that stuff, i was very hypersexual and watch all kind of pornography (not including animals or real children). on top of that, i had watched that stuff up until before i turned 15 (16 now- started watching it when i was around 12 ish). It felt normal watching it and thinking about it now it was NOT normal. i feel gross and i’ve been panicking about it everyday. my sibling and my mom tell me that i was a kid and i didn’t know any better and i don’t listen to them because that would be reassurance. i don’t know what to do anymore because some of the intrusive thoughts i have are associated with the things i’ve seen. i really don’t wanna remember what i’ve seen and what i’ve done. can anyone give me advice on how to deal with reoccurring memories or what to do with it because i really don’t want to feel impeding guilt all the time. it makes me extremely suicidal. since my dad finally got out of my room and my parents are starting to feel better from sickness i’ll have to go back to my room and it reminds me of the things i’ve done and i’m scared i’ll end up driving myself crazy and killing myself because i’ve tried multiple times over and over again everyday before my dad was in my room because of the memories and i just wanna know how to deal with them.

For the past one year, I've been dealing with HOCD. So, that brings us to the problem at hand, which is that, last day at around 5 pm, I impulsively decided to bring an ultimate end to this problem and come out as bi. And I did that pretty publicly, I took to twitter, to tweet about it, I posted a screenshot of that tweet on my WhatsApp status and literally told my mom about that too. Everyone, who cared enough to respond was pretty supportive which makes the whole thing worse. So, I've got a bi friend of my own, and her and I got to talking about how she discovered her bisexuality or how she got reprimanded by her family members, after getting caught with a girl. Well, honestly, I just couldn't relate to that story at all. I just didn't understand why I couldn't find the same level of enthusiasm that the others were feeling for me. So, I thought to myself "could I just be gay?" but that felt weird to even think about. I am most definitely not gay, I've always liked guys and been attracted to them, imagined a future with guys, but HOCD just made me feel like I didn't and that there was a possibility for me to be gay. I don't know how to get out of this mess that I've created, I really could use some advice. I just can't for the life of me take any more decisions for myself.

just saw that one of the internalized homophobia symptoms are obsessive thinking and compulsive behavior. LIKE WTF? ISNT THIS OCD? so u are telling me my hocd is internalized homophobia??? oh gosh