Hello there! My name is Jen and I was diagnosed with OCD about 5 years ago, but I do believe that I've had it for much longer than that. I go through phases where sometimes it hits so much harder than other times. When I have P.M.S,. Is when I'll have a bad phase of it. But, it has certainly gotten better with taking Zoloft, since the 5 years, I was diagnosed.
So I'm writing today, because I was in a situation about a year ago (last October), that really did made my O.C.D just completely trigger and a little bit to this day, even. Even though it's a situation that I have moved on from. (It's hard explaining to someone without O.C.D that you can be over something painful from the past, but still at times feel I guess, triggered, in a way)
What happened to me last year, was I was in a casual, yet very toxic situationship, with a man that I happened to have feelings even though it really wasn't good. But long story short, he "confessed" his love for me, and said he wanted to be in a relationship with me. A few days later, I'm blocked and he's with another woman.
How my O.C.D had been triggered by that, at that time, was, I had to delete all social media and even download apps that made it impossible for me to redownload it, because the urge to look at her or his social media was so prominent, yet something that hurt so badly. How it's been now, is that I have social media again. And ive moved on talking to other people and going out and having fun. But, he's deleted his account and she hasn't posted in a long time, so there really isn't much to see. I still find myself unblocking, just to glance at her feed, than re-blocking. The thing that's hard to explain is that even though I'm over this person and not thinking about it as much anymore. I still deal with this urge to look, even though I don't want to, and I want to move on completely, completely. Where I can block her and just leave it. But, it's also going beyond just her or him. It's more of an O.C.D tick that, I either am checking so that I know that nothing is being posted, that would make me uncomfortable, and I feel some kind of satisfaction from that. Or it's simply just a tick. And the question now is, what if she does post something like a pregnancy or engagement, and what would that do to my O.C.D.
Thank you so much for anyone who reads this, and I'm just wondering if anyone has gone through something similar with social media and O.C.D or feeling like your O.C.D is keeping you from moving on from the past, completely. and how you balanced enjoying social media, after a similar situation. And just advice in general or what has worked for you.
