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Hi I need help. I have not been diagnosed with ocd but I am sure I have it hence why I am here. I am a teenager and matured quicker then normal so my family treat my younger than my mental age ( understandable). The accept when my cousin has ocd and we share compulsions but completely dismiss it when i bring up getting help and getting an official diagnosis. It feels like they are ashamed of having a child with a mental disorder and it kills me when they are accepting of my cousins ocd, another cousins autism and another cousins dyslexia, and support them. When I told my friends about my situation they said I was lying and accused me of being one of those people faking it ok social media to seem edgy or different. I can’t sleep without checking the 46th minute of every hour, turning off the lights in order, tucking my curtains behind my cushions, picking my socks in a specific place, avoiding touching all water except for showering counting things to eight, counting my steps too and from school and tossing and turning in my bed in a certain way. This started very young and got worse when someone very close to me died the same day as when I didn’t do one of my compulsions. I still blame myself to this day. You may have seen my post and I have tried to post it here to get as much help as possible. If anyone has any advice whether you think I don’t have ocd, whether you think I am a dramatic teen or not any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you.

My grandparents living room ceiling had a leak and broke through seven years ago. They had asbestos in the ceiling and a special company had to come and repair the hole. There was some large statues in their home next to the debris. My grandparents died of natural causes two years later. My parents took the statues into their home and they have been there for five years. I walked past one today and bumped into it. My ocd is telling me I now have asbestos on me and I’m going to die. Although it thinks it’s immediately I know this would occur for a number of years. The anxiety is very intense, but I am sitting with it and trying not to respond. Does anyone else have these same worries about asbestos? Please don’t post any reassurance. I would appreciate a general consensus of the same fear. Worrying about asbestos has really destroyed my life for eleven years and I’m trying to go against it to recover but man it’s difficult especially without meds.

I just tried to take a nap and the same intrusive thought came to my head and my mind was going to go to a dark place but I woke up with my heart racing. I just keep thinking how am I supposed to live like this forever? How am I going to live a quality life forever. I feel like I’m losing my mind every day. I don’t get enough sleep. Most sleep I get maybe 3 hours. I can’t really tell no one but I confess too much on here or I’ll complain or confess about a different problem I’m struggling with. I feel like I’m losing my mind. My memory isn’t the best right now and my days are all mixed up. I’m breaking down twice a day and I’m not sure if it’s because of my period making it worse but my whole life sucks :( I feel like this is it tbh.

I don’t even know how to explain it but can ocd make you feel less guilt? Can it make you feel the wrong things does that make sense? I’m struggling with a certain intrusive thought that makes me question whether or not I like/want it when I know deep down that can’t be true but it feels so convincing and it’s like I don’t even feel guilt but I should…it’s so weird. I don’t get it I really don’t. I guess the best thing for me to do is try to ignore it. The intrusive thought was so bad why does it feel the opposite of what it should be. I don’t know how to explain. Anyone experienced this too? What can I do to know for sure? How can I get some clarity. I know this may sound weird but part of me wants to go around the person it was about and see if that will help but I honestly don’t want to go around them because what if it makes it worse. I care about this family member and would literally do anything to protect them and make sure no harm comes to them. So why is my mind doing this to me?

what if God is using me through my compulsions to make things okay for people and that by not doing them i have ruined everyone’s lives. i feel like i had a responsibility and i even asked him to use me because i wanted him to but i don’t want to do compulsions anymore.

TW POCD So I’ve posted about this before and now it’s bothering me again because it’s the next day and it won’t give me a break. Still having the same intrusive thought and it’s telling me that I like/want it or it’s a desire and I’m scared to death. Someone said that it could be false attraction? First of all, eww. Second of all I would rather give up than let it be true so is it ocd or the real thing? I don’t want it to be true but it feels so real…I don’t know what else to do.

I'm way too hard on myself. It's affecting the way I think, the way I feel about myself, and my sleep. 3 days in a row I've been completely unable to sleep on time because of these thoughts. The good thoughts are never here and the bad ones are the ones that get the most attention. Everything feels boiled up inside. Any praise that I feel in myself seems short lived and the long term bad that come from events years and years ago seem to overwhelm me. Why can't I put this behind me? Why can't I just be at peace? Why is it that every day that passes I think about the fears that come with these intrusive thoughts? Is ERP seriously the only way? I can't stand this anymore. It never used to be this way before the pandemic hit. It never used to be this complicated, which is a word I despise saying.

TW POCD I tell myself I don’t like/want the intrusive thought I literally have been arguing with it for the past couple of days and it just gets worse and worse. What if I actually do? I keep telling it no, never. I’m scared to death what does it mean. What can I do to make this better? I would do anything to make it go away. I want to give up I really do. I don’t even want to go around anyone because what if it’s real. Before I would feel so much anxiety and guilt and now it just feels real. It can’t be it just can’t. I want to cry and cry and not go around anyone. I’m ashamed and scared and I feel like I’m never going to get better. Seriously what can I do? I don’t have a therapist anymore because I lost mine through NOCD (long story) and now I’m trying to get another one so I can’t talk to anyone about it yet. I’ve talked to my mom about it because I was deeply confused and concerned and she told me that if it was actually real, I wouldn’t care so much. I truly care. I care a lot. It’s not in my morals whatsoever to harm anyone or want to or like to, whatever. So why in the world is my mind trying to convince me of something that isn’t true and can’t be true. I swear on my life I don’t want it. So why does it feel like it. Why God why me? What did I ever do to deserve this?! Please please please go away forever that’s all I ask 💔

Is it best to tell someone close that you are really struggling when having a hard OCD episode or to keep it to yourself? I don't want to seek reassurance but I feel so alone.

Any tips on how to remember/be motivated enough to take medication in the morning? I’ve been taking my meds nightly for about 2 years now and I like that because I have a terrible time whenever I have to take something in the morning. But now my doctor wants me to do morning and night meds and I’m stressing out. I know I’m going to forget and rush out the door for work. But she said I’m running out of med options so I have to try this 😬

So I've always had an issue about my partners watching porn. I've always felt super uncomfortable with it and just now realized that maybe it has to do with rocd... but then I fight myself on it because I feel like maybe it's just something that I strongly believe in. My current boyfriend thinks I'm crazy for not letting him watch porn. I then caught him watching porn once after he said he wouldn't and I freaked out. I felt really insecure. He said that he would stop doing it but I obsess over it and I check his phone when he's not looking. I also obsess over if he is talking to other girls. And then when I don't find anything, i tell myself that he has just gotten better at hiding stuff.

I can't tell this to anyone I know, I know they will judge me, so I'll write here instead. It's something i've been bottling inside for a while, it's very long so feel free to skip this. I've been feeling an intense guilt for something I didn't do and would never do. It's been a week and sometimes the guilt reappears and tortures me. I'm afraid that people are going to start unthinkable rumors about me and that nobody will believe me when that time comes. I'm afraid that I will be reported and that all my friends will leave me. Since I was in middle school, because I didn't have friends, I used to chat with strangers on a telegram group. Some of the people inside were messed up, but I stayed because most of them were funny. One day the EU announced a policy called "chat control" (I can't write what it is it about because only writing the word triggers me) and the people in the group started joking about them being reported to the police for having hentai videos on the app. I used it as an excuse to finally leave the circle, I wanted to severe my relationship with them and finally delete once for all my telegram account. I wanted to move on and actually live real life. I didn't want to be associated with those people anymore, because I feared of being cancelled in the future on the internet and everything . I deleted it, but once again I've found myself re-downloading telegram and re-entering the same group. I initially played around like if I were a new member, then I revealed myself, and someone asked, I guess jokingly, if I had deleted the account because I had **** (I can't write it) and I started panicking. I tried to tell him that it wasn't true but I wasn't able to communicate it well (my communication skills suck) then I proceeded to delete the account. What if they misunderstand? What if they really start believing what he said? What if they report me? I still regret it to this day, if only I could have explained better. After that I had anxiety and an immense feeling of guilt to the point that I didn't feel worthy of eating or feeling happy. I couldn't sleep because I felt like everything was over for me, I cried a lot. This lasted for 2 days until my mom noticed my behavior and talked some sense into me. Now I feel better but I still replay the conversation I had with that person in my head over and over again trying to fix the past in my head. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get over this feeling. I try to not think about it, but it doesn't work. Why do I keep feeling like a monster, when I didn't really do anything?

If I've tried erp and other forms of therapy where do I go next?

TW POCD Is it possible that pocd can turn into something worse? Why all of a sudden is it that after all this time struggling with pocd that it’s trying to convince me that I’m a monster and that I like the thoughts? Like wth…..I am so confused. It’s like my anxiety isn’t there! I know that I would never in my entire life harm anyone. I think the thoughts are disturbing and weird but I’m guessing because they are sexual intrusive thoughts that maybe that’s why it’s doing that? Because they were sexual? But then my mind tells me that I like it because of them…NO! First of all heck no! And second of all I refuse to ever let that be true. If I give it time will it become more clear to me? Will this go away with time or am I what I fear? I don’t know what else to do. I need to know because I would rather give up than to become a monster……

I can't stop comparing myself to others and wishing I never did the things I did. And that I would stop having these intrusive thoughts about everything in life..sexual and non sexual thoughts. Its killing me .

Happy Thursday night everyone:) what's uppp. How's everyone doing? Just a reminder that everyone moves at different places. No need to compare your progress to someone else's. Or your life for that matter. Keep doing you and the progress will come naturally. You deserve all the best 😊

Really struggling today😪 anyone up for a conversation about the similar things we struggle with? (Not looking for reassurance just could use a friend)

I keep thinking about what happened and I keep wanting to cry and cry I don’t know if I should just go home but I can’t because my sister is there or just stay at work and try to distract. I just keep crying like crazy I hate my mind

I have this one specific intrusive thought that never wants to leave me alone. It’s about my 7 year old sister and it makes me so sad. The first time i had the thought I was sent into a full panic mode. It went away but now it’s back and every time I think about how I have to go home at the end of the night the thought comes and comes strong and it doesn’t stop. The other night the thought came strong and it right after the thought screamed in my head “do it” and I just remember getting up and I went to the bathroom and I kept getting up to try to walk it off in a sense but when I would get up to walk there would be a scenario playing in my that I would end up in her room and it would just play out. Ever since than im scared to go home or see her. I cry sometimes when I see a picture of her at home when she’s not there because im seriously scared that one day I’ll lose control and it’ll happen. I don’t want to go home and there’s no where else for me to go home. I have so much guilt in that house. I share a room so it’s hard for me to just isolate. I feel like this isn’t OCD anymore and ERP won’t help me. I just wish I had enough money to move out or stay somewhere where I can’t hurt my family or anyone. Every day is just so hard. It’s really hard to get through the day. Everyday I just wish something bad could happen to me so I don’t have to continue living this fucking nightmare. Im not looking for sympathy or anything I just need to release how I have been feeling because I really don’t have anyone to tell because im sure people would just say im crazy or a p and I feel like they are probably right. I hate that this is happening to me I wish I could just end up but im too much of a coward to do it

I'm scared and increasingly sure that I'm the exception who is truly what I fear. At this point I'm close to just assuming I'm a p who's in denial, but I so desperately don't want to accept that, so maybe I'm just here because I'm in denial. I don't know. I know I'm not a danger to children. I would never hurt a child. But the things I did at 11-14 are not deniable, and the older I get the worse I realize it was. Ik I posted about this once before and I don't mean to repeatedly seek reassurance but I don't think I explained properly how serious what I did was. I will explain v briefly, basically I developed a fetish as a small child, exactly what it was of isn't important, the thing that's important is that at 11-14 I wrote stories and watched yt videos and looked up pictures of children, specifically little girls as young as sometimes preschool age, related to this fetish. The content was never explicit, contained nudity, references to sex, anything like that, which is why for those years I couldn't imagine how it could possibly be sexual (I now have learned that fetishes are inherently sexual). I would never do the things I did at that age again, but there has to be a reason I wanted to. If it was a one time thing it would be different. It wasn't. Meaning even if I didn't know it was wrong at the time, there had to be a reason I wanted to, aka I must be a p. It's a bizarre situation bc I don't have attraction to children, I don't want to hurt a child, etc., nor did I ever want to engage the fetish stuff I was doing in sexual activity (in fact I'm asexual), which means I literally don't fit the description of what a typical p would be, unless I'm actually enjoying my intrusive thoughts and not actually getting groinals but just am in denial. Idk. I'm afraid I'm either a suppressed full p or some unusual kind of "partial" p just because of what I did when I was younger. I just hate it all, I want to make it all go away, I want to press a magic button and delete pedophilia from the universe, but those are real past things I did and I can't just run away from my past, when there's a pattern of behavior like that. I know this is a mental health support community and ppl are rlly nice here but please don't be afraid to tell me if this isn't OCD and I'm actually a p. I swear I will not post about this again after this.