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I wish my mom would just let me make mistakes in school so that I would actually be free from OCD. I am so obsessed with perfect grades and perfect attendances, and when I try to do exposures, make mistakes on purpose or try not to ruminate on a mistake that's already been done, my mom scolds me and says that she's dissappointed me me and that I need to be good enough and that one mistake will haunt me forever, and I believe her, even though I know that's not true. I don't care about perfect grades or perfect attendance, I just care about learning and having fun. But I'm convinced that something bad is gonna happen if I miss a class for fail one test, just because my mom says so. Even though I don't give a shit about grades and all, I just be perfect, ruminate, check, because if I don't mom will try to belittle me and say that I'm not good enough for her.

I was given one chance at this life and I threw it, i just cant see a normal future, dont even know what my normal is supposed to like now, slowly rotting away

Recovery from schizophrenia/psychosis OCD. I am able to live with this uncertainty after knowing these facts. If your parents or siblings have schizophrenia, the chances of you getting it is still less than 10%. And it also helped me after understanding the misunderstood stigma around it. About 20% of them recover even without medications as they age. And about 60% of them reach remission through medication and treatment. Even though it might be debilitating but recovery is very possible. People who have psychosis, 33% of them never have it again at all. The rest who do with treatment and therapy it is highly recoverable. When having a Psychosis episode, most last only till few days and in rare cases few weeks to few months. You can still lead a normal life thanks to current treatment and medications that were not available in last century hence that is when the stigma took root. Who knows what the future holds, we might even find a cure or even higher effective treatments. So don't worry about thinking you might lose your sanity or something. The fact that you can question if you're losing your sanity is more than enough to prove that you are not.

For the past few years, my past has been weighing on me heavy. I can't move on when I haven't addressed the past, and waiting for my past to address me is the most terrifying thing I could wait for. Whether or not everyone else moved on, and whether or not all the mistakes can be explained away, it still happened. The anxiety and paranoia I feel everyday at the thought that I've been such a mean and awful person is actually killing me. Not to mention the anxiety I feel towards thoughts I can't even control. At my big age, I don't think it's right for me to continue staying home without a job. Especially while my mother continues trying to scrape up everything for the family. But I can't let go. I can't. Sometimes I even feel like it's better for me to sit here and punish myself for the past, than to open a new chapter and try to be better. It's so hard to try and convince myself that death isn't a way out. I don't think I could do that to my family, especially my mom. I don't even think I could do that to myself. Trying to find a job compatible with my mental and physical healts is overwhelming. Staying around my family is overwhelming. I even asked my dad if I could stay with him but he wants me to go to school if I do, school is a huge trigger for me not to mention, it's hard. I need to remind myself that my life means something, but when I find something it morphs right front of me. It morphs into something that isn't a meaning. It just becomes a fact with no importance attached to it. I'm constantly hopping from one meaning to another. Even going to a hospital seems like it's not a choice. I'm trying so hard to get back to therapy but like everything, it always stop. Something flukes in the routine and I just stop. I don't know what to do, but I don't think I can afford to just sit here. Is there anyone out there who went through something like this and could lend some advice?

Can anyone tell me some exposures that have proven effective for Religious OCD? I am struggling to come up with some. Thanks.

I need to vent. Or just write this all out somewhere to people who are compassionate and non-judgemental. One of my biggest triggers is being lied to, being deceived, or being naive with my trust. The most important person in my life lied to me today. I just found out. He lies about little things when he’s scared of getting in trouble but I thought we had finally established trust and put that in the past. But I messed up too. I asked for reassurance to soothe my anxiety this morning. He reassured me but still, I was so anxious. I felt like he was lying but thought maybe my anxiety was just going nuts. I ruminated and obsessed all day. I finally felt better….but then anxiety took over again. I snooped something I wasn’t supposed to. And I found out that he lied. Of course, when I confronted him, I had to admit I had snooped. We both got angry. We both messed up. I know all of this sounds bad because I’m being vague. The thing he lied about wasn’t anything he wasn’t supposed to do. He said he lied because he didn’t want to hurt me by telling the truth. There’s nothing wrong with the truth, and what he did didn’t cross any boundaries in any way. But he lied. And I let my anxiety start a fight. I’m not saying it’s my fault he lied. But I messed up too. He doesn’t understand why I can’t just let these things go. Why I always need to dig and dig and dig. I can’t explain it in ways that make sense to a rational mind. No one gets it. Now to move forward again, I know I have to give up one of my biggest compulsions. The snooping. It’s only hurting me so much and hurting the friendship I value most. I’ve taken a small step but I can’t fully commit. I don’t know what to do. I’m still so triggered and anxious by his lie. I’m spiralling so much about it and at the same time, trying to take responsibility. I can’t figure out who is right and wrong here. I’m tired. And I’m thankful to anyone who read this.

I’m having a really hard time rn :( I feel so terrible idk how to explain it anymore it’s like this feeling isn’t right like idk I just feel like I’m changing.. :/ and I hate it bc I don’t want to like ugh I feel like I’m saying things that come out as out of line or ppl look at me weird for saying it idk I feel like I’m being judged on or that I was for something I said and. I hate that I feel so lost in my identity and morality and just everything I used to value and just my morals :( and. I feel like I’m gonna cry bc I never asked for any of this to happen to me.. and I feel like it’s all my fault bc I caused my own trauma but when I tell the few ppl that I trust abt it they said that I was only a child who didn’t know any better and I really didn’t but I just feel like my child self is a shame yk.?

In the past, 2 years ago, from a fake account, I used to seek reassurance. There I met a random stranger who was depressed. We talked. We were very sweet and kind with each other. I even flirted with him and played with his feelings. He asked for my pic and I even sent him. He then posted my pic in this story and that scared me. I told him to delete it and he did. Later on, he said he was imagining stuffs with me in bed. Which scared me. Later on, I told him I won't be able to talk to him anymore. I even sent him a random Instagram girl face and said it was me and made many false stories... And then .. he said... HE THREATENED ME THAT IF I LEAVE HIM, HE WILL EITHER KILL HIMSELF OR OTHERS! I maybe replied like he was joking but then he said, something like, do you think I'm joking? He was so serious.. I think I then blocked him. Then...next day.. his account was gone.. PLEASE HELP ME I AM SCARED CAUSE HIS THREATS ARE SCARING ME TO DEATH. THE WAY HE THREATENED ME IS SO SCARY. HIS WORDS WERE SO SCARY AND MANIPULATIVE. I'M SO SCARED. WHAT IF HE DID THOSE THINGS? PLS PLS HELP

Guys, I’m done, I think I might end it. I made a post where I was asking for reassurance, it got taken down because of it. But now it’s making me think even worse of the event. I think I’m just gonna set a date and just end it. I hope you all heal though, I can’t take this guilt anymore.

I’m having a panic attack in my car I just got home from work and I don’t want to go into my house crying but I don’t want to drive around either. I’ve posted about this before I know it’s a compulsion but I’m so scared. I had an intrusive image the other night about my little niece who’s 11 it was very graphic and scary and I had the image when I was reading a romantic sexual story which I should of known better because I knew it was going to be triggering. I already felt something because of the story itself it was adult content of course I would NEVER do anything like the other. When the intrusive image came up it was very vivid and as soon as I got it, it felt like I was turned on by it which deep down I know isn’t true but it felt true. It’s so hard to explain how it happened because it’s kind of blurry to me now but I remember it felt like my heart rate went up but it didn’t feel like anxiety I guess but after it happened I immediately started crying because it was so scary. People on here have told me it’s ocd but it doesn’t feel like it. It feels so real like I was actually turned but it can’t be. I refuse to let it be true. I love my niece so much. I’ve helped her with bath time when she was little and never had a problem but now I had intrusive image it makes me have problems? I just don’t understand. I feel so guilty it’s consuming. I feel like I’m a monster and I deserve to go. I would never want it. I feel so dark right now and so terrified. I pray to God to help me because I just can’t handle this. I would do anything to make this pain go away. This just isn’t right.

Ok so this weekend is just the weekend of big exposures that are totally unplanned. 1st is taking antibiotics because I have an infection and I avoid all medications because I have really bad health anxiety (counterproductive I know) but I avoid taking all medication even if I’m in pain or need it. So this is going to be difficult. I have to start the medication tonight. The second big exposure is eating roast. Which doesn’t seem like a big deal but it is when you have really bad contamination ocd surrounding uncooked meat and the fear of being drugged. I’ve cut a lot out of my diet and developed an Ed. Recovery is really hard. For instance, I’ve avoided mushrooms bc of the fear of being drugged. The roast that is being prepared tonight was prepared with cream of mushroom and I’ve been so careful about avoiding anything without it in it (compulsions) eating it is going to be really hard and I’m really scared but I know I need to do it

I'm so anxious right now because a friend of mine that we know each other for a couple of years asked me for a date and I sayed I'll think about it. I mean I never thought about him like that but he's a really nice carrying person and I want to give it a chance but I also don't because I'm too scared to hurt him, idk maybe I won't like him in a romantic way and I'll have to tell him. Omg I feel like I'm making such a useless drama but dating really scares me I don't even know if I have ROCD or OCD in general but when I was in a relationship a couple of months ago I was so anxious everytime I didn't think about him enough or when I found someone else attractive. I'm so scared of relationships. But I really want one... ugh.

Good morning, I'm new here, actually unsure of how I got here. I imagine I was searching for answers/support and clicking on links led me here. Nonetheless, I've looked around and read quite a few posts. I feel like I may have actually stumbled onto something here...perhaps it's wishful thinking, that I may have actually found a helpful group to overcome my ocd. I haven't seen my "Subtype" listed. Or I haven't noticed, rather. Long story short, I've suffered from debilitating anxiety/panic attacks for over 25 years. I was also Dx with ptsd and ocd. Not sure what my type of ocd falls under. I suffer from obsessive thoughts, worry. I worry about those close to me dying. I worry even more about myself dying. I honestly cannot remember the last time I actually enjoyed a day without unrealistic worry. Debilitating worry. I don't mean the normal daily hassles. I'd give anything to just have those. I also have a ritual of having to touch my bibles when I pray and making sure the bibles are under my pillows or beside my bed. If I don't touch them while praying, I worry something bad will happen to me or loved one. I don't wanna worry about these things anymore. I'm exhausted. I've so many questions here, not sure where to begin. How would one go about embracing their fears, if is about themselves or loved ones dying. Impending doom hovers me 24/7. Am I in the right place? If so, what "Type" of ocd is this? I've been on many different ssri for the majority of my life. They don't help. Why am I convinced I will die soon? I consider myself very spiritual. So, then I think God is not pleased with me because it would appear I've a lack of faith. I could keep going for hours. Someone please tell me I'm not alone on this and that complete healing is possible. Thank you in advance.

How do I tell if I’m in denial or if I may have rocd? It’s been getting really hard lately I’ve been getting a lot of thoughts about my girlfriend, but then I have little moments where all the thoughts and feelings just stop and I know I love her. I don’t understand what’s happening to me. If I didn’t really love her I wouldn’t want to keep going right? And I’m not scared to break up with her, I just don’t want to be without her I love her. I don’t get it.

I’m having a bad morning so far. I can’t stop thinking about those who have had SO OCD and then realised later that they are in fact gay. That’s my biggest fear. I don’t want to live a lie and be miserable. I want to be with my boyfriend, happy and free of this fear. I don’t know what to do. I feel hopeless. Im scared this all started and spiralled out from initial denial.

Does anyone doubt that they even have OCD at times? I feel this way when I have low symptoms or the intrusive thoughts aren’t as loud. I start to doubt everything and even when I’m feeling calm I feel uneasy. Like what if I’m crazy and I’m pretending to have OCD. 🤦🏻‍♀️ ( and even on the calm days I still have anxiousness as to why I’m not reacting to my intrusive thoughts). Just yesterday I was feeling awful and now I’m feeling calmer ??

False memories and POCD. I was left alone with my friends baby the other day for literally a couple of minutes and I was tickling her belly and she was smiling. I had a weird urge or thought, and I felt uncomfortable until her mum was back in the room. I had the thought "nobody wouldn't know". I didn't think much about it across the rest of the day, I was aware it was in the background, but yesterday I convinced myself I had rubbed her inappropriately. I've tried it on a soft toy, I've looked at photos and asked myself if I touched her, and the answer has been no each time, but my mind keeps telling me I'm an abuser. I feel like I'm going to die. I have been crying and sobbing for hours and I can't live with it. I don't want it to be true, I'm not an abuser, I would never do that. I feel like I can't trust my memory. I just want it to stop please please help me

I dont really reach out to others for help when I need it the most, but right now I am having a really tough time. And I dont mean like right now at 2:30 am, I have been struggling and really trying to keep it together for the past three weeks. A good friend( someone I have known since I was 4) is getting married this weekend and I wasn’t invited to the wedding. I am so used to not being invited to stuff by my so called lifelong friends but it really doesnt get any easier. I have almost three years clean, and struggle with depression, ADD, OCD, TRICH, and very high anxiety. I feel like since I have been this way people dont like me ( especially since I have gotten sober) and do not think I am fun or even a tolerable person to be around. Im supposed to be studying for my college exam but have absolutely no motivation and am so depressed. It is gettin harder and harder for me to plan my days or think about anything for the future I think bc subconsciously I dont see a point to any of it. It is really difficult to see pictures from that girls wedding all over social media, sadly I am used to that. What is really killing me is another good friend was at my house last week and I asked her if she was going to the wedding. She told me she wasn’t and felt bad when I told her about not getting an invite. But when I saw pictures of her there, it really tore me apart. I dont think I have any real friends, anyone close to I can really confide in. The cherry on top is my parents who I currently live with have very little patience and tolerance for me. Both of them constantly criticize and try to control me- I am 30! My mom also lashes out at me and is a bit verbally abusive- which is making me feel worse about myself. Like am I really that intolerable to be around or am I just everyones punching bag?! I just feel extremely hopeless and have no will to go on like this. I am sorry if this triggers someone I just need to get it out bc keeping it in is not helping.

Fuck, my friend told me that her crush kissed her today, and now my brain can’t stop telling me “you like her, feel sad!”, but shit, my brain does this with all my friends, I’ve had thirds thoughts with all of them, and omg I’m so tired of this, I can’t have friends anymore, I hate OCD.

All OCD themes are, at the end of the day, just OCD. And no theme is worse or easier than the other, as themes are related to our values, so whatever theme we have is going to feel excruciating. I want to vent a little about ROCD, though. I think I just need to let this out. It's so heartbreaking to have OCD attack your relationships. I believe that relationships of all forms are the most important thing in the world & are what make life meaningful. So to have OCD attack my experience with romantic relationships & connections is just so fucking painful. Do you know how much I wish I could just be like my friends or other people without OCD?? They don't get major anxiety about dating or liking someone or being in a relationship. They don't have intrusive thoughts about whether they find the person they're dating attractive or not. They don't question and question and question every little thought and feeling. They probably don't have low libidos. Sometimes I feel like I'm suffering. I start to think that it shouldn't be this hard. Dating & starting a potential relationship with someone shouldn't be so hard, but it is for me because of ROCD. And I can't talk to any of my friends about this because they don't understand OCD. If I tell my friends that I'm worried about whether I truly find the guy I'm dating attractive, they'd probably say that if I have to question it so much, then I'm probably not attracted to him. This is also another reason it's so difficult having ROCD. You just can't go to other sources who don't understand OCD & intrusive thoughts. Because going to them for answers or certainty or reassurance or to help you figure things out is a compulsion! But instead of telling you that there is no answer, they might say some triggering shit like trust your intuition or if you know, you know. And another thing that makes ROCD heartbreaking is that another person is involved. I feel like it's so common for us with ROCD to constantly feel like we're hurting our partners. I feel like I'm so hot & cold. I'm probably sending mixed signals to the guy I'm dating right now because sometimes I feel sure that I like him & other times I'm questioning it. It's the insidious nature of OCD. When we get those moments where there's little to no doubt, things are amazing. We feel great & start to think, wow I finally have certainty that I like/love this person. And that's such a trap because if we treat those moments as evidence against OCD, then we're still trapped in the obsessive-compulsive cycle. We have to accept uncertainty, which is so hard. We can enjoy those moments when there is little to no doubt, intrusive thoughts, or anxiety, but we can't use those moments as proof that our OCD is wrong. ROCD is just so complicated.