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the NOCD Community

I hate feeling normal… I feel like I know my answer but I don’t wanna admit it… I am so depressed I hate it… I’ve gained so much weight… I’ve kept my weight off for 7 years…. So I am depressed about that now… but eating is the only comfort I have… I don’t have motivation to do anything… I say I love you to my partner and I know it’s true bc yes I love him but now I obsess about him leaving me… which is something I know I don’t have control over if it did happen… but I am scared it will that my obsessive behavior can’t handle it… I am seriously unhappy… I know I love him and I know I don’t wanna leave him. I’ve never had a clear mind in over a year well… in 9 1/2 years… how can you choose to love someone if you are just constantly doubting ur feelings for them? How can you even make love to them if all you hear is that you don’t love them or aren’t attracted over and over again… and when you hug them it feels fake each time… All I do is think about him… I am just so mentally exhausted… i wake up feeling nothing and go to bed feeling nothing at all… how can I be happy anymore feeling like this 24/7… I don’t even feel attractive to myself at all… I didn’t have the greatest confidence before this but I was happy with my weight before the depression… Like right now I am depressed I ate four slices of pizza… I am just truly unhappy with myself…

I recently have got it stuck in my head that I WANT to go down on a girl. And would prefer it more than a man. I have been ruminating for like three days now and comparing and check and I’m really exhausted. Does anyone have an idea for erp that I can use to work through this fear ?

I actually made way TOO many horrible mistakes in my life and my real event OCD seems to never shut up. :( Pls someone save me from my own past mistakes. I'm only 16 and my life is hell

I would love to see more recovery success stories, or people on the road to recovery on this feed. I know people are in desperate times, but we need to lift each other up. We are a community for a reason. Let’s all have one goal in common & that’s to find help & HEAL from this. How can we take steps to do that today?

HOCD I’m so done with you. You’ve taken everything away from me and every day you make it harder to disbelieve you. I was so happy in my relationship, I was happy with my career. Now I wake up anxious and just don’t want to face the day. Now every little action that goes on in my life is sexualised. It’s become my life… just checking. And the worst thing is all I’ve got left is my compulsions. Because if I didn’t have them I’d probably fully believe you. People on here talk about suppressed sexuality/fluidity. Well I don’t want mine to change, I was perfectly happy going through my life with confidence, OCD was manageable to the point I forgot I had it. And the worst part is you’ve dug up all this stuff that I don’t even see how I can to back to how things were. How will I ever have my old life back when you’ve convinced me it was all one big lie! I had just got to the happiest stage of my life, ready to settle down, I wanted it so badly. And now You’ve taken that away as well, I don’t even know if I want it anymore. Sometimes you even make me resent my partner, telling me that if she wasn’t there I could go and live my ‘gay life.’ Well I never asked for that and never wanted it, had never thought about it. But months of HOCD later it’s all I can think about, now it feels like I do want that, like I do resent my partner. I can’t even kiss her anymore without you filling my head with thoughts. I want to be intimate with her but I can’t, I want to find the excitement and spark again but I can’t and yano what I’ve given up on it coming back! Thanks a bunch brain

Does anyone else's POCD get affected because of their preference of woman? Like I dont find myself too attracted to woman with HUGE boobs like most people do. I prefer around medium sized which makes POCD trigger.

Is it ok to tell people I have OCD? I feel guilty when I do. Only my mom and one of my friends knows my theme but I told my other friend today I struggle with OCD but I didn’t tell her my theme or what my thoughts are about. I’ve been told by my mom to not talk to anyone about it. Just her and my therapist. So when I end up saying “yeah I was diagnosed with OCD” I feel guilty. I don’t want anyone to ever misunderstand me or twist things and think I’m a monster. I don’t want people to hate me. I feel like my own friend that I told kind of treats me different ever since I told him. I guess I just don’t want the same thing that happened when I told my mom to happen again. She called me names and screamed at me. She told me I would end up in the “looney bin” and some other things and I don’t want that to happen with my closest friends that I literally work with almost everyday

GUILT Hey everyone, first of all, My ROCD journey stemmed almost two years ago from my previous relationship with my ex. In the end, she cheated on me and left me for someone else. In January, I got into a new relationship ship with my amazing girlfriend. I literally can’t describe how much I love this girl. She literally does everything to make me happy. We have the best bond and relationship ever which obviously OCD loves to destroy. Lately I’ve been dealing with the obsession of “wanting others” feeling. So basically this is where my mind latches onto other girls and convinces me I want/ would rather be with them instead of my girlfriend with no actual reason given. It doesn’t matter how ugly or how unlikely that chance could even be it will literally give me the feeling of wanting another girl. Unfortunately, it has latched onto my ex who bare in mind I hate the guts of which obviously makes it a bit more difficult as I’ve been fighting against the feelings even more than other girls because I know what type of person she is obviously because I had a past with her and she showed me her true colours. OCD is now making me feel guilty and trying to blame me for why she cheated. It could literally be the tiniest things. She cheated on her other ex partner who she was in a relationship for 5 years with him so I know that’s bullshit. Then it goes to “yeah well she never cheated until she met you” so tries convincing me it’s my problem instead of hers. Anyways, the other day I was on tiktok and noticed when I was seeing my current girlfriend before we made it official that I had liked some other girls tiktoks which is making me feel super guilty because for some reason I don’t do it anymore and would find it an issue if I did but why didn’t I back then. This is making me feel like a cheater and like my ex girlfriend and is giving me thoughts like we must be compatible if we both cheat even though I didn’t even realise at the time I was liking other girls tiktoks until now and is giving me false memory OCD making me believe I liked it for other girls to talk to me. I was also talking to another girl before I met my girlfriend on tinder who bare in mind I had never met nor dated just talked and she found out I was talking to other girls and went mad at me so it’s making me believe that I’m sort of cheater and is making me feel guilty for it. Please help all I want is to spend the rest of my life with my amazing girlfriend without having OCD and being manipulated into getting back with my ex when I prefer my current girlfriend who treats me right. It makes me feel like I’m a cheater or that I will cheat on my girlfriend which I believe is totally wrong and then it says you didn’t think it was wrong to like other girls tiktoks when you first started seeing her

Hi guys, I just had an extremely long discussion with my boyfriend about my cheating ocd, what I believe I've done that constitutes cheating on him, and he told me everything is okay and that I'm focusing too much on small things (I'll think brushing past someone attrattive in the shop is cheating: "you did that on purpose" - and my bf said, even if you did, it's so small etc). However even though I am somehwat feeling better, that was obviously just a whole load of reassurance, so doubts are obviously going to follow, and I'll be up all night thinking "but I left this thing out!" "but he meant it that way, ok I have cheated then, I need to go back". I KNOW that this is OCD but it feels extremely real and it's very distressing. Does anyone have any tips on getting through this time period when it inevitably comes? I do my best to distract myself, but I know I'll end up going over things eventually, and I'll find something to question. Even if I don't think of these things, they -literally- pop into my head when I'm trying to distract myself. I will be playing a game and suddenly: "remember when you did that?" out of the blue. I'm just scared bc I know soon I'll have a new thing to worry about. I guess the question isn't how do I avoid this, because avoidance makes OCD worse (like reassurance, so I've kind of put myslef in this situation), so more, how should I manage through this?

Anything or any word related to sexuality is making me anxious... even when someone says the word “straight” (which being straight is all I want to be) it’s like I get anxious about it... I only want to remain straight 😭😭😭 I don’t want to be anxious about it at all 😭😭😭it’s making me think I’m in denial of being gay or bisexual constantly 😭😭😭

Sigh can OCD give you a dream? After helping someone with their incest OCD dream my head decided to give me one and I hate it. My dream made me kiss a relative. I literally woke up like it was a nightmare because it was. Why does it happen when I get a crush? And why the heck did it seem so real.

My thoughts are so bad. I'm so paranoid I touched my bf's little sister (about 5) inappropriately about 2 years ago. I don't know. I keep switching back and forth to "that didn't happen" and "omg it happened". The anxiety feels so real and it's been over 24 hours ive been stuck on this. It wasn't any private areas. I'm just paranoid one time I was either sitting with snuggling or playing with her that I rubbed her arm/leg and my brain told me to "go higher" (like under her clothes) and I'm paranoid I did. I know it wasn't past her thigh or shoulder but I'm so paranoid. And there's no actual way for me to remember. It could have happened. Or I had an intrusive thought and didn't do it, or it didn't even happen at all. I don't think I'm attracted to children at all or anything, I don't know wtf is wrong with me. My bf is obviously very upset (rightfully so) and is considering breaking up with me for it. I need to know weather this is real or just some stupid false memory. I can't tell between the difference real and "fake" memories. My OCD (or just my brain) also tells me I'm making excuses for all my horrible mistakes by calling them "fake" memories. But I also know all of these are signs of ocd. I really hate everything right now. I'm scared to talk to my therapist because I don't want to get reported. Again I know it wasn't any inappropriate areas for sure, but I'm scared of my brains intent

Struggling at the moment with existenal OCD, can ocd turn into physcosis? Can it make you lose touch with reality and cause worse things? In such a panic at the moment

I just want to cry I don’t understand what is wrong with me I feel like I’m an actual P.. I had an intrusive thought about my kid and an urge to masterbate after and I did it was like an urgency and I felt like I had to like I was “ ok I’m gonna masterbate to this” but as doing so I just tried to think of normal things not my child even though I was like testing thoughts going back and forth trying to determine if I liked the intrusive thoughts I feel disgusting I feel sick to my stomach I love my kids I would never hurt them so I don’t understand why I felt like that and masterbated even though i hated doing it while I was I wanted to scream and cry.. i just feel like I want to die. I don’t deserve to be a parent I never felt like this before pocd ruined my life I feel like I can’t enjoy my kids I can’t eat can’t sleep keep looking online for answers I just don’t want to be a p.. I keep feeling like what if this is who I am I’m just lying that’s why I masterbated.. I just can’t anymore I feel hopeless😢😢

Hey Christians! I’m currently listening to Christian music when honestly I’ve been so distant from God. I feel like I’ve let God down and I’ve been so angry because of what I’m going through. I don’t know if this is just OCD or what but while I was listening to music, my mind is trying to convince me that God is saving me from being a p or something like that. What the heck! I’m hoping that that’s just an intrusive thought. I pray to God I never have been or never will be a horrible monster. I have goals in life. Plans for my future and I feel like this theme is going to ruin that for me. I tell myself the enemy is a liar but yeah that makes me feel like I’m lying to myself to so I don’t know what to do. I don’t even want to read my bible or worship because I feel like everything gets worse when I do that stuff or even pray. The more I get close to God the more downhill everything seems to go. It’s weird! I love God I do but I’ve prayed and prayed for a miracle and I feel voiceless or hopeless at this point. I feel like I’m shut out or God doesn’t hear me. I don’t know if anyone related but if you do or understand please just send a little prayer. I’m losing hope 💔

Wouldn’t hocd go away on its own after 10 years?

My friends often call me an alcoholic. I’m one of the only people in my friend group that actually drink, (the rest of them smoke) but i often get mad and stressed when they tell me that. One of my biggest fears is being an alcoholic. My father abused alcohol and is why I don’t drink often, only with friends. Though they often joke around and call me an alcoholic which makes me feel so stressed. It is one of my biggest fears to be an alcoholic, and to hurt those around me because of it. My father isn’t a bad person, but I’d never want to repeat his mistakes and it terrifies me to think about doing so. I’ve told them I don’t like to be called that but they continue to do so. It hurts.

Hocd Idk what to do, i reached out to a therapist last week and he even lowered his rates to help me but i havent given him a reply yet its been 4 days, i already feel awful. I just dont think its ocd and im just gay and if its not I dont see the point in seeking help but I also cant function, struggling to do daily chores, sleeping, eating and looking like crap for months, waking up everyday hoping I find some answer or something changes and then I can make a decisive decision. I really think i will be gay even if I do ever recover but for now Im stuck and want to be out of this miserable state.

Hi guys, I’ve been wanting to get a septum piercing, but I’m aware that the person doing it will likely be tattooed and stuff, which I find really attractive and I’m scared that I might just be doing it to be in close proximity to one of these people. I have cheating ocd and I have a horrible groinal response whenever anyone goes near me which makes it way worse and convinces me more that I’ve cheated when I’ve been near people. I get thoughts like: do I like this? Am I standing here because I want them to be close to me? So as you can imagine the idea of being that close to someone who I will probably find attractive is very distressing. I also tried to “figure it out” and when I asked myself “am I doing it because of that?” My immediate response was “that’s a big part of it”. Is this just OCD getting in my head and twisting my thoughts? I genuinely don’t know what thoughts are my own anymore. I ask myself questions like “would I still be going if I didn’t find them attractive and didn’t have this groinal response?” And my immediate answer is no, but I don’t know if that’s my OCD or my genuine response. I love and care about my boyfriend so much and I don’t know what to do. What also concerns me is that I often want to do the opposite of what I’m stressed about. For example, if I am worried about going to the shops because I’m scared of people being near me for the above reasons, I want to go to them more. Am I some kind of sexual predator or am I just trying to resist against compulsions? I can’t understand myself.

Anyone else feel like it’s so real.. like the thoughts and feelings. Feels like I’m in denial I hate it