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I really don't have best friends ocd ruins every friendship and I really feel alone and depressed

Today my partner is being very distant, and i'm really scared that he want to leave me, or that he doesn't love me anymore, maby he found someone else. He told me that he studied (i didn't ask nothing) and now he is going to work. He bearly text me back, and never call. I already been in this situation and i always kept asking for reassurances. But at the end people always broke up with me; in the exact moment and I start to think that it is just me convincing myself. I always take that as a confirmation of my doubts. So now a part of me is screaming for help. Is this intuition or is just ocd? (In other words, things tomorrow can be better If I dump my thoughts or nothing will change so it is better to run away by myself today?) Anyway I'm really proud of myself; because although everything, I didn't ask confirmations or reassurances to him! I also kept my doubts for myself (and this app) BUT I DID NOT TELL NOTHING to my boyfriend. It is the fist day that I am able to do it!

I just need to vent. So I have recently have been thinking about going back to school to get a Master's in Counseling with the end goal of becoming an OCD therapist. Becoming a therapist is something I've been thinking about for a few years now. The past few days the intrusive thoughts have been super intense. Things like "You are too old to think about going back to school. You missed your chance? Why would you even think of becoming a therapist when you are so screwed up yourself? How do you intend to pay your rent, keep food on the table, work full time, and go to school? You aren't smart enough to get a Master's and you will just end up flunking out. You know your parents won't support you in this. I had a rough night last night because I ruminated about this for about 4 hours last night. There's a part of me that wants want to try, but there's a part of me that thinks "Why bother?" I haven't made a decision one way or the other. I have really good benefits at my current job including 401k. But my current job is not something I am passionate about and is not a good fit for my personality. But its a big decision.

I left my civil services preparation (most prestigious exam of country) and will be joining a private sector job. My confidence crashed rock bottom as my OCD got triggered. Because of one guy I decided to leave preparation. But still sometimes I feel if I leave this preparation I'm going to regret my entire life. Please help me what should I do to gain back my confidence and prepare along with job? I need some advice as my doctors aren't kind to me.. they are very rude and they disconnected my call asking for money before therapy without giving me details of payment link. NOCD services aren't available in India I called them for help. Please help someone. Admins of NOCD if you all are seeing this please provide some help. I'm from India. It is not possible to pay in dollars nor can I afford much. I can pay once I start earning and I will join soon. Please help. Please. I want to build a strong career but I have a lot of confusion in my mind..my confidence is at rock bottom. I have hirsutism too and eye issues. But my OCD is making me sink. With ocd I also have depression also. I have suicidal thoughts too. I feel I'm useless and not worthy of life. That I'm wasting my parents hard earned money. Because of one guy i started repeating one thing again and again(saying one thing again and again) and I can't organize my thought well..which test series I Need to join etc..I'm in confused state of mind which never happened to me before. When I read something I find difficult to read..I understand it in 3-4 times of reading despite reading the same thing several times last year. My concentration power has declined. My emotional well being is affected. Please help me out. I need someone to listen to me and help me out. A doctor who won't judge me because ocd makes us do wrong things(sexual etc) which I personally feel I'd against my values and my family's values. At the age when I have to develop a career I'm sinking with ocd. I don't have much years to establish my career so I need help as soon as possible. Please NOCD please help me I'm from India.. I've reached out to many people and no one helped me out. Around 4-5 psychiatrists. All I got was Anti depressants and I kept sleeping and my concentration too declined. Please help. Please. I don't have any hope left. I know it's just another effort in vain. I don't want to die. I but I can't live either with a life of no dignity and confidence. Please help me. Please. Please.

Happy Tuesday y'all!❤ filling your feed with a gorgeous church that I like to sit at sometimes :) I hope everyone's been well! How are y'all? Talk to me 😊

A new theme is emerging and I’m really not even sure if I actually have OCD anymore, or if it’s intuition or the universe just trying to show me. I feel like I’m losing my mind and I don’t even recognize the person I love anymore. I’m sure this question is reassurance seeking but I literally cannot find a single answer online so I have to ask: is it possible to have POCD towards your partner/loved one? Like, I’m not worried at all about me being the P, but them. It’s a theme that’s been slowly building for a few years, and is based on zero tangible evidence. There’s never been anything I’ve found that would even suggest that about them. But it’s been getting extremely bad in the last few weeks and it’s quickly becoming all I worry about. It feels like it came out of nowhere: I was triggered online by some Reddit forum about a woman finding out her husband was a P and it just snowballed from there. Tonight in particular is really bad, and I’ve already tried to call him at 2am to ask for reassurance (he obviously doesn’t know about this theme). I had an intrusive thought about the dark web (don’t ask me why, I can’t figure out where that thought came from), and I suddenly remembered him saying he had been on there once. And guess what a huge thing on the dark web is?! I tried to call and ask what he did on the dark web even though that conversation was months ago. I’m sure I asked him at the time but for the life of me, can’t remember what he said. I just know we talked about it. He obviously didn’t say anything bad or I would have remembered. At this point, I don’t even know if I have OCD. I feel like the universe is reminding me of all these things so that I put the pieces together and get rid of this awful person. I’m so scared and so upset. It feels so REAL. And if it’s not real, then I’m accusing him of the worst thing a person can do. I just want to go back to regular old ROCD 😅 that was much easier to handle

I have consumed so much different information on attraction and love and intimacy etc from places I really shouldn’t be looking and I’ve made myself extremely extremely confused to where I feel completely lost. I compulsively compare myself to things I read online to see if I feel the same way and then later I subconsciously compare those things again or get intrusive thoughts about the thing I don’t want. I may have also overly complexed certain emotions or be unintentionally exaggerating on them because I’m so desperate to figure out what they mean. This is the most real/confusing it has ever ever felt and I’m not even sure it’s ocd anymore. Has anyone else ever done this to where they feel genuinely confused and completely unsure of their feelings while also completely numb to anything positive? Almost like I’m living through my fears and seeing/feeling nothing else. I have a headache just typing this

Does anyone get an intrusive thought about someone like “if I hurt so n so” n then ur like “let me picture it to make sure it causes me distress” to reassure yourself ur not crazy? I feel like a crazy person “what if this really isnt OCD” “What if I am actually psychotic” I would never hurt anyone, or anything n the fact that I have intrusive thoughts about those particular things makes me feel insane. I feel like I’m a failure, bad mom, bad wife… 😕

Anyone with HOCD know what their core fear is?

I'm so paranoid I'm flirting with other guys at work. I don't want to be unfaithful to my partner but I can't help but play out visual intrusive thoughts / fantasies of what it would be like to be with these other people. I know realistically I don't want to be with them and I find my bf way more attractive, but I did anxious that if I have conversations with these guys I'm flritng anf being unfaithful. I don't want to confess to my boyfriend again because he's 1) tired of it 2) it makes him insecure and 3) I'm pretty sure it's just OCD thoughts because I don't want them

My daughter has OCD (13) and we are still learning about it. I know she has reassurance OCD and Just right OCD. But it is possible to be obsessed with one friend? I don't know if it's because her OCD has ruined all the peer friendships she once had- they don't want to be around her anymore and find her numerous questions very annoying. So when she does get a new friend she really really puts everything into the relationship and not in a healthy way. It's more in a possessive weird way:( Any thoughts or suggestions on how to tell her to take it down a few notches?

Anyone else with SOOCD married to the love of their life? Would love to connect with others expericing a similar situation and support one another!

I’m a 21 year old guy (21/M) who’s is straight, at least that’s what I’ve always prefer. I’ve never been in a relationship, never kissed a girl only had a couple of girl crushes back in high school, but they never went anywhere. When I was eight, I started looking at bikini models online. I did get turn on, but it felt so long ago. Several years past, when I was around 11 or 12, I’ve noticed I have been watching scenes of guys kissing online and also yaoi, and this was probably the beginning of my never ending nightmare. Later at my high school age I have been watching straight porn for some time but there were times I never finish quickly or weren’t satisfy enough, I needed more so I started watch gay porn from all kinds of categories of gay porn such as yaoi, cartoon, guys making out, furry and sometimes the aggressive type of gay porn and I could tell I was getting off to it faster than straight porn. For years and years I’ve been watching gay porn from once a week two or four times a day. I could never stop and I still can't. I’ve been getting anxiety and getting worried that, “what If I’m gay?” because I’ve been watching a lot of this porn and getting off easily, I’ve even had a couple of dreams back then doing something very homosexual like making out with a guy or sucking someone off and I didn’t like that. Sooner or later I found a certain subtype OCD called SO-OCD/HOCD online plus other things like intrusive thoughts and ERP/CBT and things. I kept thinking that what if I have SO-OCD, I mean I know I have OCD though I’m not sure if I’ve officially diagnosed. So maybe I do have a porn addiction but yet I don't know if I truly have SO-OCD, yet if I don’t then why do I sometimes cry about this and worry over and over again about this. I keep having these thoughts I don't like and when I do I have shake my head to get rid of these thoughts and say to myself in my head, “I'm not gay, I’m a guy who prefer girls.” even look back and wonder if I’ve ever did anything girly back when I was a kid. Sometimes I even worried this kind of ocd even exist. I have been seeing a therapist about this for serval months now I’ve been telling him about this even I cry really hard about it one time, and we're trying to see if we could do ERP or CBT but I’m worried it may not last long. Also I have talk to my parents about having SO-OCD one time and I started to cry about it real hard but they didn’t say once if I was in denial ever and they understand. So I guess I am asking someone’s opinion if I have SO-OCD/HOCD or I’m in denial, I just don't know anymore. All I know that I feel like I’m going insane and just can't take this shit anymore. I have no ill will to anyone who is gay or part of the LGBTQ+ community in fact I support them but I just don't want to be gay or bi at all, is just not who I want to be.(Also sorry about my awful grammar.)

I only get aroused by my intrusive thoughts has anyone got advice on this

Hey I'm kinda freaking out right now I used to roleplay a lot (like in text in you know what I mean, when you create an OC and stuff) and I used to roleplay with some girl from the internet who's younger then me in two years (hey today is my birthday so 18, I used to roleplay with her in 16-17) There was a lot of sexual and romantic stuff between our OCs in 100% consent and my relationship with this girl was really just a friendship. Now I'm freaking out that I might be a perv or p for role-playing these stuff with someone two years under my age, I feel disgusted and ashamed.. idk what to do.. what if people will see me as an horrible person :^( Oh and I feel even more terrified because I just realized she might be even more young, two and a half years under my age, I promise I just realized it right now

I’m exhausted and so done with analyzing every sexual encounter with my fiancé. My thoughts are there during and after. I then Google after which I know isn’t good. I now have the thought that he thinks I am a lesbian because intimacy is so hard for me. I have never been a very sexual person so of course my mind goes to “welll a lot of late to lesbians said this too”

I keep watching p*rn, I want to stop but it’s really hard. I just hate myself right after. I hate it so much. Has anyone here struggled with this and has found a way to stop?

Harm OCD Please someone give me any advice you have. I have been suffering for a while but just put a name to why. I have not done any ERP yet and haven't done much of anything aside from talk therapy. I'm so scared and just want this to end. I have created my higharchy plans on here but I'm so scared to get started.

What would would happen if we follow our doubts and change our will? (instead of following our morality and suffering because of our ocd) I am wondering (Probably just another ocd doubt) All the toughs that let us scared, take us that way because our will is "against" the toughs, right? I meant, obviously only for those thoughts that doesn't harm anyone! For example I have the doubt "maby my man don't like me anymore/ maby I don't like him enough" what if instead of struggling with anxiety, stress and my own body I just broke up with him? That's not what I want; yeah, but I don't want to be always questioning and stressing myself either! What if we follow ocd instead of our will?

Anxiety has always impacted my intimate life since the beginning and it makes recovery in soocd so much more difficult. I am ashamed of myself and I feel broken in that department, like there is something wrong with me. At times it feels like I am forcing myself to like intimacy with my partner , but I Do want to be intimate with my partner. I miss the beginning when sparks were flying and his very touch made me feel electric. When I ruminate on it , it feels like something isn’t right or something is off and it terrifies me. When I say I enjoy pleasing my partner it feels like a lie, but I don’t want it to be a lie at all. My partner’s pleasure is important to me but I’m too afraid of intimacy at the same time to the point where sometimes it seems off-putting, gross, funny, boring, which is what causes the feeling of something missing which just makes me spiral more and more. I’m terrified I’m not good enough for him, I’m terrified I’m not aroused enough, what if I’m doing something wrong, is it supposed to feel like this? I know that a lot of these feelings stem from false standards I have about my body and my partners, low self-esteem, anxiety and ocd revolving my intimate life, trauma from past partners who made me feel used, etc. It doesn’t make sense to me, I love fantasizing about him and I, it’s so much better than porn or any other fantasy. But I read somewhere that a girl who was lesbian would fantasize about only rough scenarios with men and I do this as well. I often use rough scenarios in my fantasies and now I’m scared. I do it because when we’re slow and intimate, I feel all the anxiety creep in and all the fears get so loud and I get scared about what is happening. Unlike this girl however, I deeply crave soft moments with my partner , I just can never relax enough for them thus why I lean on rough scenarios. In real life, slow kissing is so much better than anything and I wish I had the confidence to carry that feeling to the bed. Additionally, my partner arouses me on a level I can not accomplish on my own. Even when I’m alone thinking of him I still feel much more aroused in his presence. But yet when I see his body I tend to hyper focus on his flaws or if im not instantly aroused by his body I worry this means I’m not attracted to him. I love his body, but to me intimacy is about so much more than that so of course the body alone isn’t always enough. I have absolutely no problem when he is pleasuring me, I love it and just want him closer to me. When it is time to reciprocate however I start to panic once again, I worry way way too much about what I’m doing and if I’m doing it right or enjoying it “enough”. This panic makes me want to not do anything and is why I feel like something is “ missing “ because I really want to be able to do that for him and the idea really does arouse me but I can’t it’s so scary and anxiety provoking that I’d rather not. Its not that I don’t care about his pleasure or that I’m repulsed by him because everything about him outside of intimacy draws me in and I want him to want me and I want to want him but it’s too much fear to truly let go and take in the moment. It’s always been like this even before soocd which makes me feel horrible. I’m scared that I’m using all this as a front to hide that I’m lesbian, but unlike how I enjoy fantasies with men, the idea of being intimate with a woman seems like a loss, a chore, a punishment and not something I’d ever want. With my partner I want to work through these issues and have a fulfilling bedroom life even if it means working through heavy trauma and fear and having to learn new things about myself , but if these issues were to happen with a woman I’d much rather never be intimate again or sneak off with men. I don’t know what to do to be better and it makes me feel hopeless. Last night I had an amazing moment with my partner over the phone, it was so good but of course my thoughts have attacked again to say something is missing. I don’t want to go through this anymore , I want my partner and I to have good intimacy.