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Please help, rocd is back My rocd is back again. So I and my ex broke up about 3 months ago and I realised that I didn't really like him and liked him somehow, it was more an obsession and ignoring red flags yk, I didn't rlly want to be intimate w him but I basically forced myself for a lot of things because somehow he raised my self esteem and at the moment I couldn't let him go because he showed me so much "my worth". But also I felt something but I really didn't know what because it was a mess of thoughts and I overthought everything. I know, it's shitty and I realise that, but I've learned from it. The other day I met this amazing guy, no red flags, incredibly a good match, has good values and values like mine, lots of common things but I can't stop obsessing about "what if this happens again, what if deep down I'm forcing it again, what if I can feel more attracted to someone else?" Comparing my attraction and feelings for him towards other guys all the time, researching about it and like, I'm getting to know him but I'm really liking his personality and I'm reallyyyy attracted to him even thought I know there's prettier guys but I don't know. Like what if I lose feelings, what if I don't really like him like I can't just chill about this. And I also don't want to get hurt again like.. And I don't think about him all the time, I'm just more of as interested I DONT KNOW. Another thing that happens is that whenever a guy actually cares and shows interest in me, I don't get as interested or obsessed as before, and also, since 9th grade I don't have those silly crushes and overall, I feel that somehow I'm uncapable to completely chill in love and go with the flow because of my ocd thoughts or maybe I just don't like guys. I don't know what's going, I just wanted to chill :(

Is wanting to purposefully hurt yourself to get out the stress or guilt of doing something incorrectly something anybody else experiences? I would think harm ocd but isn't that just the fear of doing it to other people? So maybe it's my real event. But I don't want to hurt myself, I feel like I have to or problems do not get resolved and I'm in the wrong, no matter how minor it is. I even relapsed with these thoughts because I left food out overnight and my boyfriend got understandably mad. I've seriously been struggling going without traditionial self harm these past few months and it feels like something is missing, and if I do feel some kind of pain it will "go away". It's starting to feel like a ritual but I don't know what it would be. The thought of using a belt to whip myself is getting a lot more intense by the day but I know if I act on it my boyfriend will be able to tell, I'm assuming it would leave marks. I've always been this way before, very submissive in personality and feeling like I need to be punished, even prior to the abusive relationship I was in years ago. Is this actually ocd too or an excuse for my previous addiction to self harm??

Seeing other feminine women deciding to be a man or a masculine women on tik tok is triggering me. I feel like I’m turning in one of them I fucking hate it

I feel like I really can’t share my thoughts with my therapist, including real events (evil/twisted things I’ve done). It’s really not helpful to hear (“you can tell your therapist anything” or “it doesn’t do any good to keep things from them” or “they only want to help you”) because I honestly feel like I can’t in the moment and they’re too evil. Like when I’m in session I can’t even get a word out without screaming and/or shutting down. But I know these things have a major grip on me and I need to say something.Any tips?? I feel like I’m wasting my time and my therapists time and resources but I’m really, really trying

Vent: I wish SOOCD was better understood. Even on this app. It feels horrible when people invalidate the thoughts or question them. “There’s nothing to be scared of” “there’s nothing wrong with being ______” Of course there’s nothing scary or wrong about loving who you love. BUT Feeling like losing a part of your identity is scary. Possible judgement is scary. Losing a partner is scary. We have core fears that honestly have nothing to do with sexuality, it’s just what our OCD chose to fixate on. It’s so exhausting explaining it and having people give unsolicited comments and “advice” regarding this theme when they don’t understand.

Hi everyone. Just wanted to hop on here to let you know that recovery is possible. At my lowest I really did not believe that, But it really is possible. I’ve struggled with ROCD obsessive thoughts for almost 4 months now. Rumination, googling, & reassurance kept me in the continuous loop. I thought by pushing the thoughts & fears away it would help but it only made it so much worse and the thoughts were CONSTANT. I cried everyday, lost 20 pounds, started failing exams in school, nauseous 24/7, could not sleep for the life of me. Constantly in an anxious fear state. I felt detached from my own body and could t feel anything. I was scared that I was going to lose my boyfriend because of my ROCD. I’m living proof that it does get better and you are strong enough to overcome OCD. Please feel free to reach out if you need any advice or support. I still have a long way to go but I’m definitely in a better place than I was !! We are not our thoughts !!!!

Struggling with a moral dilemma - I really want to have kids eventually, but I also have OCD. Even though my experience of the condition has been mild, I still wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, and I would feel really bad if a child inherited it from me. I think this might be reassurance-seeking, but I can't tell. If it is, I'm sorry.

Why does harm ocd make you feel like you actually want to do bad things even thought you don’t? Especially when the anxiety is not their. Even though I’m diagnosed with ocd it makes me doubt if I ever have ocd. Any tips for sitting with the uncertainty especially with themes this horrible like harm ocd?

Anyone here struggle with OCD with things on social media? Like obsessing over things you observe such as certain online behaviors of others? If you feel comfortable sharing 🙏🏼

I have been on crisis mode for the past few days. Please share opinion if you can. I really need help on this. So as you are probably aware if you’ve seen my last posts, I was scared to touch my mom’s doorknob bc she is sick coughing and sneezing. I did an erp where I touched her room knobs and my room knobs and then rubbed it all over my covers and laid under them breathing in all the germs that I rubbed there. My biggest fear is spreading covid germs and being the reason that people die from it. I couldn’t take the guilt of doing the erp and the next day I asked my mom to do it thinking I can live with what I’ve done if my mom does it without feeling guilty. Instantly regretted it bc I made her use the main enterance doorknob. Which in my opinion is most contaminated of them all. So anyway, she did it and I felt twice as guilty to the point where I felt I needed to die. But my pastor talked me down. However, the next day I remembered that the day my mom did the exposure, she had to go into work using taxi and I had followed her because I had a hair appointment near her job. I had a funny feeling behind my nose as if I was coming down with a cold. But I still went. This is the part that I cannot get over. My biggest fear is killing people with covid and yet why did I go with my mom if I believed the risk of spreading the germs from the doorknobs would be doubled? I got tested for covid the next morning and thankfully I don’t have it. But why did I go to the city with my mom that day without being sure of anything?? Whether or not breathing germs from doorknob together will spread germs or whether or not my mom and I have covid? To be fair, my ocd has always made it seem like we are immune from covid and I can only give it to others outside my family. But why do I feel like I wasn’t thinking that way that day? And even if I was, what about the part where I believed my mom and I breathing in door knob germs could spread covid? And to make things worse, my boyfriend said he has a sore throat but I still went to see him that same day. Did I know in the back of my mind that it is just a regular cold? Or did I not care that whole night if I spread covid or not. I’m thinking that since (whether rational or not) I thought breathing the germs from the knobs and being with my mom increased the chance of spreading covid from the germs that got on us and in our lungs from the erp, I feel like I ignored that thought and went on the taxi anyway. My question is, why did I become so irresponsible and bad? I cannot forgive myself for this. It’s driving me insane and I’m once again feeling like dieing over it. No joke I am really questioning if I can continue my life. Completely depressed and sobbing. What is wrong with me. Did I snap? I wasn’t sure about anything and yet I did something so irresponsible. Twice! Going with my mom in taxi to manhattan and going on an uber to long island city to see my sick boyfriend. I can’t forgive myself. What do I do? I made my boyfriend also get a covid test. I did rapid and also a pcr. The negative result for some reason doesn’t even matter to me. Why am I so irresponsible all of a sudden? Why am I a bad person all of a sudden. And can I ever forgive myself?

Doing exposure and the thoughts don’t bother me but something still feels “off” or “wrong” or “not right” is this normal? Is this what not doing compulsions feels like?

So I was going to watch Titanic last night (I’ve seen it before like a long time ago) and got through maybe 10 minutes of it until one of the characters said that the character Rose was 17 when she was on the titanic and I quit watching it because I got triggered because of a couple scenes from the movie that I’ve seen before in the past and it never even occurred to me. Just feels wrong

I think me not enjoying intimacy is probably proof I’m not attracted to him because 1.) I’ve always been insecure when it comes to intimacy and always feel slight discomfort no matter how much I enjoy it 2.) I’m not aroused by naked body alone and sometimes it feels like I find my partner’s genitals unattractive 3.)It always take effort for me to enjoy intimacy, and once I do start to enjoy it I still feel scared and unsure of myself 4.)I don’t have the natural urge to reach out to touch my partner during intimacy, I want him to touch me but I get scared to touch him and I want to have that Desiree to touch him but in real life it doesn’t come naturally at all 5.)I’m aroused by women in p0rn just by looks, but I hate the idea of having intimacy with a woman 6.) I have only been able to get out of my head during our first kiss, the second kiss, and when we first did the deed. 7.) my partner usually always initiates 8.) I have to really put myself into it to enjoy it 9.) I always want to stop after some time because I get too overwhelmed and feel overwhelmed at the prospect of reaching that standard of pleasure I want him to have 10.) him being close to me can make me uncomfortable at times but I really want to not be uncomfortable 11.) not a big fan of FaceTime intimacy, I’d prefer him with me All of these signs point to me not being attracted to my beautiful boy but I want to be and I might be because 1.) I’ve always loved fantasizing about him and I engaging in intimacy, but i don’t fantasize as much about touching him , I have more now that I’ve had more enjoyable experiences with him 2.) our first kiss was amazing and the second one was amazing , I loved him being close to me and I wanted to keep kissing him. He’s the best kiss I’ve ever had and I love just making out with him and having him wrap his arms around me 3.)When we engage, I get ummm very physically excited, it’s very easy for me to get physically excited around him it’s just my head that won’t stop buzzing 4.) before quarantine I really enjoyed our intimacy, again I would not enjoy pleasing him as much because of my low self esteem I think 5.) when I’m around him even little things can make me aroused but it still takes effort 6.) Even though I’m not fully present, I like knowing I can give him pleasure and when I’m in the rhythm I really love being able to please him and be close to him 7.)I so so so badly want to be attracted to him and I have a lot of things I want to really try and enjoy but my mind doesn’t ever let me 8.) I get very aroused when we text things 9.)I love physical affection from him and I love being held and everything I don’t want this to be the end, I don’t want to not enjoy it. Even though I kind of have to force myself to get into it I still really want to and I still enjoy it once it’s begun a rhythm. What do I do??? I’m so scared….

OCD is our specialty because it’s our background. Our team is composed of folks who have OCD, who support loved ones with it, or who professionally treat people with the condition. The results speak for themselves: our members see significant results about twice as fast, on average, as others in exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy. That’s because our motive is not to treat just one condition – it’s to treat one community. By focusing on the OCD community as a whole, we see all of our members as unique people, so they aren’t defined by their OCD. This allows NOCD Therapists to identify and treat the core problem that our members are struggling with, and find solutions to help them manage other issues in their lives. Read more about how NOCD’s community-driven therapy leads to superior outcomes and why our approach is the future of treatment for behavioral health populations.

This might not be OCD related but i'm so paranoid that someone is watching me, its 2am and im so scared, help

Does anyone else’s OCD change frequently? Like a few months ago I had fear of transgender ocd even though I am not that but let’s be real you all understand what that feels like. But today I’m worrying more about just being abnormal and something being wrong with me also with possibly being attracted to older or younger people and it’s just so draining and as if there is something wrong with me like I’m stuffed up which I’m sure many can relate to. But now transgender ocd doesn’t worry me that much, however it used to be my biggest fear, it’s so insane how we can just switch up. I remember watching a movie about a serial killer and then I had a fear I was going to become a serial killer and I was a sociopath, but today that doesn’t bother me much at all. It just puts in perspective how much it really is ocd, but then my brain doesn’t let that sink in. However I’ve definitely been worse in my life and I’m trying to do some ERP and hopefully will succeed. But like I said it’s so crazy how they switch up, I used to be afraid of killing myself, now that doesn’t bother me but back then it was gut wrenching. OCD truely is terrible.

Does anyone have any advice for someone with contamination OCD that is living with a partner without OCD? (Especially given that that partner intentionally or unintentionally sometimes /often says things that make me feel worse/down). I could really use any advice anyone has right now. Things are starting to feel hopeless and I don’t know whether it makes sense to continue with the relationship or if that’s just a temporary feeling in light of what I’m going through. I just feel so alone and misunderstood.

Sometimes I feel that if leaving my realtionship will put an end to this agonizing feeling, it must be the right answer. But if rocd is truly a thing and not an idea constructed out of denial then the same thing would most likely just happen with the next relationship. I have gone through this through two different relationships now. My first year was during the last year me and my kids mom were together and the last two years have been with my wife who I started dating shortly after my kids mom left. I warned her before even starting to date that I had rocd, but at this point in my life I am doubting that rocd even exists.

i just feel so worthless and i have no motivation to do anything i’ve lost all hope in recovery and i’m so scared it will never go away and get better. i feel like i’m cursed and i’m being punished with this torture disorder and idk what i did to deserve this. i’m so stressed and so annoyed. i feel so lost and helpless

I feel so far from God.. I don’t know how to get back OCD ruined everything