Welcome to
the NOCD Community

The other day I was in the kitchen and the children I work with were in a rush and I was trying to push them out of the kitchen. When that happened, I was nudging them out with my hands and legs. When I was nudging a child forward, I noticed a sensation in my leg near my crotch area that I was pushing, but it wasn’t gratification and it wasn’t sexual. But I feel awful because I recognized the sensation but didn’t move my body. I continued to push forward. Now I feel like I’ve committed a heinous crime. When it happened it was very subconscious and unaware. I was not imploring myself to do anything else or really anything at all. It was just that weird feeling in my leg but I still feel awful that for 2 seconds I continued to push them forward. It’s driving me insane that I feel like I tried to continue to push forward. Now that I’m writing this, I can recognize that I was not trying to be weird or anything and I think my mind is tricking me. But it still SUCKS!!!!!!! I hate having OCD!!!!! I know I didn’t do anything and I’m a good person. But I don’t know how to be comfortable with this one.

was hugging my cat and she got annoyed and meowed and i got sad and thought how could anyone hurt any animals then i start getting thoughts like u want to hurt one u want to really hurt one even ur own cats and it made me scared but i have little anxiety it made me sad tho. when i was little i had kicked my dog and that came up in my memories and now im scared i will hurt my pets. when i was younger i was weird and i have memories spaced out of me doing weird/bad stuff that i would never do now but it makes my ocd worse. I hate this :(

I've been writing borderline obsessively the last week or two. My story has come along way and has a few ocd themes within the story with some characters. The main characters have moral scrupolosity and harm ocd and I'm very happy with how the story is fleshing out. If I were to turn this into a trilogy, I've imagined this as a movie as well. I want people even without ocd to relate to the struggles and cry their eyes out on one scene in particular, and I'd be surprised if they don't. If you could write a scene to describe your internal struggle, what would it look like, how would it play out? I'm not looking to steal ideas as I'm strictly against it (why I haven't read any of the many books I've bought recently until my story is finished). I'm just looking for inspiration, the feeling that I want my scenes to invoke in the readers or viewers.

do you guys have sometimes moral/ethical rumination about why something that is obviously bad is bad? I'm afraid of it because sometimes I feel like I don't have an immediate or sufficient answer, and that I believe something is wrong just because of collective morals, and not because i genuinely believe it is bad and that makes me sick. I'm afraid of faking it. I had a very triggering disturbing question about why something is bad and i didn't have a sufficient answer for me to make me believe that it was a genuine belief of mine. It bothers me that I'm not so firm about a certain belief, and yet it's the very thing that made me want to end my life a while ago. I'm afraid that im faking my repulsion to evil and horrible things and I just think that way for convenience. I can't tolerate it, not because of what others would think but because i can't tolerate living myself like a sick monster that has sick thoughts.

Lately my intrusive thoughts are centered on my kids. Why is ocd coming for what is most precious to me?? This is so painful and the hardest i’ve ever had to deal with. The more I tell the ocd it isn’t true the more it tries to make me feel that it is. I can’t live like this😢

This is about pornography addiction. Back when I was still greatly suffering through it, I remember watching videos I shouldn't have when I was a lot younger. It genuinely did have an effect on my well being and it made me act out in ways no kid should. No kid should be exposed to these things for that matter. I keep focusing on this one time where I made a taboo search about all something and it had the word "lil" in it. After I did this I just started crying badly because of how much of a problem this was for me but now I'm getting thoughts that are saying I did this because I wanted to see kids and that's really scary because I don't want to do that. I really don't want to believe that and I would not want to do that to myself. I didn't see anything inappropriate when that happened from what I remember but I just want stop thinking about these two sides of the event. I think I was around 18 at the time. Something like this also happened when I saw this really disgusting playlist on YouTube that had children in it and creeps saving videos. I couldn't believe it to be true so morbid curiosity came in and when I went through them they were very real and it was very disgusting. I remember freaking out about this so much and I couldn't calm down for that night. It was terrible. I hated that so much. What really scares me about that is before I found this I was watching videos that were fine but just when everything was coming to an end that playlist came up in the midst of it and it made me feel absolutely disgusting. I just hate how much porn messed up my life and I wish I could take it all back. I still get haunting memories of it every single day one way or the other and I'm never at peace with it fully. It always messes with my mind and I can't let it go because of uncertainty. I also hate that through my addiction, I've seen very questionable content without even trying to look for it, which I can't stand. I hate that shit so much. I make specific searches that I find reasonable but even still bad things show up regardless. I just feel disgusting about this completely and it's one of several things that has always kept my self esteem very low. I don't know what to do.

An animal in my county tested positive for rabies in my county last night. I’ve been feeling so weird and all that since getting bit by a cat on the 6th I’m actually gonna end it all if I have it. I can’t do this anymore oh my god

How do I get rid of the massive amounts of anxiety I can’t eat, or relax. My harm OCD is torturing me along with the urges I fell with the harm OCD I will be going up on my prozac I hope it works I just want my life back starting to feel alone and depressed because of this.

i saw a family member post their kid, he is super adorable and funny ive met him before. but ever since seeing that my pocd is telling me i want to hurt him and or do something to him. im really close with his mom i look up to her a lot im scared that u will find out and i will be shunned forever. I don’t want to do anything to him. but these thoughts feel so real and it feels like my body is just gonna get up and commit a crime. she is very spiritual and I go to her for advice a lot, im scared she’s gonna get bad vibes or negative intentions from me I just want to be a good person I don’t want to hurt anyone especially him :( another thing is I had a thought that he looked like my ex and he does and even looks how he looked when HE was a baby but im scared that that means im a p. I hate this :( I get groinal responses and rapid intrusive thoughts it’s so draining :(

I feel guilty I’m feeling this way because I know people going through worse stuff than me right now so I can’t speak to them and feel so alone I feel like I’m making it up and putting on “bad mental health” and that I’m actually fine but if that’s the case why am I feeling so drained and struggling to get through the day Constantly having thoughts of s3lf harm again I don’t know what this feeling is anymore and I don’t even know what’s what I feel a mess I can’t explain what’s going on inside my head

I’m almost 4 months post partum and started having terrible OCD centered around going into a psychosis and hurting my family. Today I’ve been obsessing terribly and constantly checking my five senses. I’ve been able to work through this obsession in the past to the point that it was just a passing thought, but last night I walked into my bedroom and smelled weed. Nobody in my house smokes or has been around weed, so now I’m terrified I was hallucinating. Please help me.

I just did ERP in my therapy and I felt completely horrible. I was watching a video of a woman harming her husband or where she harm her husband and that’s what I’m dealing with harm OCD towards my husband while I was watching it. I completely didn’t feel nothing like before watching it I did feel a little scared because I thought I was gonna get ideas but honestly, I feel like at this point I thought everything and every possible way of harming my husband. Recently they killed a guy near me and they shot him and I put myself in the position of if that were to be my husband like how would I feel and I felt super heartbroken super sad like really sad that something like that could happen to him, but when I was watching the ERP exposure I did not feel anything like I started crying because I’ve heard they were talking about the guy that was dead and it’s like I wouldn’t want someone talking like that about my husband but then again like I wouldn’t want it, but then my head is telling me I would want it like I didn’t feel completely nothing while I was watching the video like I did not feel anything. Neither concerned neither scared neither happy like I was just neutral. Then again I’m on medication and it makes me feel numb but then again I do feel sometimes and I just I’m worried that I’m just gonna turn into that person.

Before I was diagnosed with OCD I was certain I was loosing my mind. I convinced myself that I was schizoprenic or going slipping into pyschosis at any moment. It all started one day at work after having a few drinks the night before and chugging one of the most amazing tasting coffees of my life. I had my first panic attack. The best way I can describe it felt like my soul was leaving my body (I became really, really light headed). It was horrifying. This spiraled out of control with more and more panic attacks. I started having intrusive thoughts/what seemed like an intrusive urge to do ridiculous stuff. For example, I remember being in a spiritual development class one day and I had this intrusive urge/thought to smash all of the beautiful crystals. Something i'd never do obviously but the thought horrified me. Since, my OCD theme has jumped around a bit to so many ridiculous things. I had harm OCD for a while where I would see images in my head of stabbing someone or pouring boiling water on them. As ridiculous and silly as it sounds to an outsider, I can not even began to describe the grief and horror this created in my soul. I then had repetitive intrusive thoughts "schizophrenic" and "demon" over and over again gosh probably thousands of times a day. Again, certain I was crazy. I tried CBT which actually made it worse. I was terrified to speak to anyone about what was TRULY going on with me because I was certain i'd end up bakeracted and as a single parent I knew that couldn't happen. Plus I knew at heart I was not schizophrenic it just spiraled into this massive fear. It plagued my life every day for years until I FINALLY talked to another person that has OCD & send me an article about OCD where I began my research into leading to an eventual diagnosis. My compulsions were more mental acts like searching mental illness on Google for hours, avoiding triggers, and saying internal prayers or asking the universe to give me signs i'm not losing it in addition to nervous movements like fixing my hair or putting my hands near my face. I am still healing from OCD and the terror that its' caused in my past but i've learned to love myself and know that I am worth it (having mental health issues has always made me feel like it's my biggest flaw) and it's so beyond my control & despite my issues, i'm still pretty awesome! WE ARE ALL A LITTLE INSANE ANYHOW ARENT WE? Lol. Seriously, it's been an absolute game changer. I still have intrusive thoughts from time to time that create some anxiety but it's decreased so drastically. Most of the time I don't pay them any mind or it's tolerable. I am so beyond grateful for NOCD and understanding everything I can about OCD. My life will never be the same since that day but its still pretty damn good! I just want to add a couple other symptoms I experienced was dreaded fear I was going to start hallucinating at any moment. I'd question if I was really seeing/hearing things or if I was hallucinating, and constantly checking my mental state. Too happy? OMG I'm manic and that's going to cause pyshcosis. Too sad? Vice versa.. I hope this helps! Do the triggers, accept the uncertainly, accept your fear and get your life back.

Hello all, does anyone else understand this. I can be reading something on social media or news source and hear about a woman who killed herself and it becomes a huge trigger for me. I get so upset I try to know more info about the how and why of the story thinking omg what if I did that or became like that person. It gets my mind going whenever I come across these articles and I have to convince myself I’m ok and this isn’t my life but I get so upset and sends me spiraling.. Can anyone relate to this? How do you cope with it? I know I’m okay and wouldn’t do that but the what if aspect scares me 😢

Hi - If any one of you have done ERP on above subtypes and recovered successfully, please ping me. I would like to hear some tips from you. Thanks!

I just reposted this on my TikTok but feel like I need to unrepost it (I do this with every post and it has to feel right and like it’s in the right place) but I started getting thoughts because I know my bf is going to see it like I don’t want him to think it’s about him and I’m getting scared it’s going to hurt his feelings Because obviously I would never shoot a man but it’s making me think does that mean I would and that I’m a bad person for reposting like I’m getting scared that I want to hurt him or something But it’s just a TikTok thing that’s going round about the “man or a bear” But now I feel like a bad person for having an opinion but I never commented on this trend before

People don’t understand how much ocd takes over your life, here’s some of my old compulsions through the years, I can laugh about these ones now as I’ve managed to stop them. Although I’m yet to beat false memory ocd. - Checking the knife draw before bed 14 times just to be ‘sure’ the knife’s were all there. - Filming under my bed before I went to sleep to make sure no one was there. - Barricading my door at night as I had a fear I would sleep walk and ‘hurt’ someone. - Video myself doing my nightly compulsions (locking doors, turning lights off, checking everything etc) to make sure it’s done. - running up and down the stairs 44 times before bed to make sure no one dies 😅😂(honestly no clue) - tapping an even number of times on each side of my body. - whenever I made someone else a drink I would have to re-do it about 10 times and video it, as id convinced myself I’d poisoned it🙃lol I mean I could go on forever but here’s some!! I’m hoping this makes someone feel less alone as I’ve stopped this now with a lot of work, it is possible!! False memory ocd is next for me , I’m hoping I can beat this as I have the above.

I don’t know how anyone does it! I’ve tried so hard to face my intrusive thoughts because I’m so tired of my mind telling me to do things over and over or else my mom will die. I know it won’t happen but my mind refuses to let me let it go. I don’t mean to bother anyone who isn’t religious but I just have to also get this off my chest. I’ve never been more ashamed of myself for how I’ve acted today revolving God. I love God more than anything and yet I can never fully put my faith in him because I’m so scared. No matter how many quotes and bible verses I read telling me to let go of my fear, I can’t. I’m terrified to even move at this point. I understand I need to get a job and get outside more. But how can I do that when I too scared to leave my bed because I know what my day will consist of. All I do is sleep because I’m so drained, I’ve completely lost myself. I just keep telling myself others have it worse because it’s true, I just wish these thought would go away because I’m tired of feeling like I’m crazy.

Hello, My son is 22 and started having intrusive thoughts about hurting himself and us his parents. We have tried outpatient therapy, he has seen a physiatrist and has been in therapy all this year. He started with these thoughts after watching a very violent show/video game and kept picturing himself causing harm to his father, then moved to me, then his sister. The guilt he feels for feeling these things and having these thoughts becomes overwhelming at times to the point he thinks of irrational solutions. Such as cutting his hands off so he dont ever put himself or us in any kind of danger. He did really well for a couple months but now his meds don't seem to work. He's not motivated to do anything. He's never driven, he stays home all the time. Is afraid to socialize. Has gained a lot of weight. As a mother I dont sleep, worried about him. I feel like we walk on eggshells around him. Have had to move anything sharp out of the house. Please tell me he cab get better and that there is light at the end of this dark tunnel. We as a family are desperate. I love my son and there is absolutely nothing I wouldn't do for him. But I feel like he's not motivated to help himself and life is passing him by to the point he feels he has no purpose in this life. Please help.

People who weren’t diagnosed and/or didn’t even realize they had OCD until they were older. Are there any stories or memories you look back from when you were younger and now see the OCD gremlin laughing in the background? For me I just recalled the other day how starting in elementary/middle school, and lasting for years, that I refused to allow myself to fall asleep on my back because I was afraid of my tongue falling loose and choking on it while I slept. I even just recently learned how obsessive thoughts about death are common for people with OCD, and I can recall times from when I was even younger of just thinking and ruminating about the afterlife. Not that these are necessarily 100% OCD related but…