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I feel like dying right now

Is it OCD or something else with wanting to hurt someone but not in a gruesome way but just like I really want to trip this person kind of thing

Anyone scared of being depressed? I have harm ocd and I’m so scared that being depressed will lead me to harm myself or others even though I don’t want to and would never want to. I’m so scared that I’ll stop caring and become one of those people who hurt others. I tell myself I would never do something like that but it’s like I don’t believe it.

Right as I’m starting to feel happy again I get hit with what feels like intrusive feelings… sometimes of sadness or anger which then triggers my intrusive harm thoughts. Not sure if this is a mood disorder or just ocd. They don’t feel like what my true feelings should feel like if that makes sense.. ugh the feelings are harder to deal with than the thoughts. Trying to lean into them but it’s hard.

Yesterday my in laws said I could hold my nephew and my head said what if you throw the baby I hate OCD :( I would never harm a baby

constant intrusive thoughts, constant groinal responses. couldn’t even watch a video on TikTok of a toddler throwing a fit bc she opened her legs and immediately my pocd acted up. it gives me groinal responses, bad thoughts, and feelings of anxiety, fear , and shame. I hate this. How do I get through life like this? I can’t even imagine being a teacher or a parent, because the next thought that comes is images of me hurting children. thoughts of “ur a p, ur destined to be a p, ur gonna eventually end up hurting a kid” “ur only freaking out because u know u will be shunned” I hate this. The thoughts go into so much detail and feel so real. No matter what I say or do, it argues back and convinces me im a p. Everytime I see children, anywhere, I can’t stand it because of this. I’m scared to have kids out of fear I will hurt them and do something bad to them for my own pleasure. I feel like one day im just gonna snap and hurt kids. I can’t take this at all. It feels so real. I don’t know what to do. I am crying as I am writing this. The groinal responses feel like actual arousal. I feel so angry, and sad, at the world and myself. I am scared and I think I am actually a p, and instead should get help for that instead of ocd. I don’t know what else to do

It genuinely feels like this disorder is taking away my whole life. I cant go outside and hangout with the people I love or even be around strangers because my thoughts will include them and I’ll just get really uncomfortable and anxious. It has made me distance myself from so many ppl in my life and made me have thoughts and feelings that I don’t want and that I hate making me feel like a monster and a disgusting person. Sometimes I’m genuinely so close to taking my life. It feels like there’s no hope for me at all and that I’ll be like this forever fighting my own brain till I’m old and on my death bed. I’m supposed to be enjoying my summer but I just can’t. I cant go outside, I can’t go on social media, hell I can’t do anything because there will be a child around that will trigger me into a spiral. I can’t stay all summer locked up in my room and constantly making excuses to not go out. It’s been feeling so real too like I’m really the type of person that I don’t want to be and it’s so scary.

My fiancé and I of 7 years just broke up because I am an idiot. I’m in a lot of pain. I can’t let her go. I’m just such an idiot. We’ve been long distance for awhile and she was getting ready to move in with me but not anymore bc It’s truthfully all of my fault and I did this to myself. I let my insecurities get the best of me by accusing her of cheating and I know that’s wrong and there’s no excuse for it. I know she would never do that but I just get so extremely scared and paranoid that somethings going on without my knowledge but if you met her you would know that she would never do anything like that. She truly is an angel. I’m just such an idiot. And I yell and cuss at her when I get frustrated and angry. I’m so ashamed. How could I have become such a crappy partner. I feel terrible about it and it’s all my fault. I don’t know how to communicate my emotions and I get so frustrated because I feel like I’m not being heard even when she’s listening to me. I just needed someone to talk to. That’s my reasoning for posting this. I made my bed so now I have to lay in it. I know she loves me a lot. I told her I would get therapy which I really want to but I just can’t afford it. I’m going to save up though. She said she would wait for me until I get better and work things out. I just love her so much. I can’t believe I ruined everything between us. But maybe it’s for the better. I’m not a good partner and I’ve only had a flood of intrusive thoughts that I’m going to hurt her when she moves in which I would never do but it just feels so real, it scares the shit out of me.

I'm struggling really badly with terrible thoughts and urges. I feel I'm going crazy. Im a kind person and I can't cope with it.

I had an intrusive thought. It was sticky. It made my head buzz and my chest feel tight. I thought will this be all day? I haven’t felt so scared of a thought in a while. It was intense, and I was not sure what to do, other then check in with my body and not to give in to the fear or uncertainty! The time was 9:43 when I was terrified I may act on my thought and by 9:57 the thought went from…I will….i could….i may….it’s totally possible…..anyyyyyyyy minuteee noowwwww…to wow the moments passed!!? Give yourself 10 mins 😜

I’ve been feeling an overwhelming sense of doom/panic coming and going over the last few days. It’s so exhausting to pretend you’re fine but be dying on the inside. My fears center around my beautiful baby who I love so much. I have an overwhelming fear that I could lose control of myself or lose my mind and hurt her. The thought of that is completely intolerable, and I can’t think about anything else. I live in a constant state of sheer panic. Any advice? 😢

For people who have harm intrusive thoughts towards others and afraid to hurt anyone, how are u dealing with that?

Hey guys, just wanted to introduce myself my names Matt. I was first diagnosed with ocd at the age of 14. I am 29 years old currently. I really had it bad for awhile then I got out of the hole and saw the light. Now I feel like I'm back in it. I've been inpatient at ocd facilities like mclean and Roger's. I consider myself very fortunate and that's where part of the guilt comes in for whatever reason. I've been supported a lot of my life especially when the ocd was really bad and I couldn't function in society. I got back on my feet but recently experienced rocd for the first time. The fear it instilled in me..im struggling massively at the moment. I find that the intrusive thoughts come in and have a strangle hold on me and the sadness and emptiness that follows. I was diagnosed with depression but its hard to come to terms with it. I feel that the ocd is just so awful now. I have experienced a couple sub types in the past..a big one being harm ocd and health related ocd..contamination to a degree. I used to reread when I was in school and that was hell in itself just trying to chase a feeling of perfectionism. I've done ERP plenty of times in the past but ceased the therapy as I got better. Now I'm seeking therapy through nocd which I've never tried before. I really hope I can get myself on track because it really feels like the weight of the world is on my back. I want to pursue music as it's always been an important tool for coping and connection. I can't explain how it makes me feel it's just amazing. I've been working on my vocals but there are so many barriers right now. I feel so sad and I just want to isolate myself. It's up and down emotionally. I'm adjusting to medication that I discontinued awhile ago and now I'm back on it. It's a slow grind. I literally feel like the stress at work is becoming too much as I'm essentially caring for others when I can barely care for myself right now. I work as a life coach with individuals diagnosed with Autism spectrum disorder. I know I'm really bouncing around here on all of subjects but I feel like the more and more I speak up about my diagnosis and spread awareness of ocd the more I'm feared of being misunderstood. I think it's truly another "what if" ocd fear. It is so hard to get a grip on the ocd because the rumination is so bad. To be honest it's hard to open up about ocd in general. I just keep thinking as a male I have to keep it together and I shouldn't be emotional that it's weak. I feel like I was fed that before in my past. I honestly appreciate having a community like this I'm grateful. It's so odd I just want a big hug but at the same time it's too much to be that vulnerable.

Does anyone ever walk by something that triggers a wave of anxiety and think, "Wait, what was I doing?" and question if you hurt someone or killed someone? For example, I was walking out of work to meet my father and had to walk by the trash can in front of the building. At this time, I also saw a man a few yards away. As I walked by the trash can, I got a wave of anxiety and thought, "Wait, what happened? Why am I thinking this? Did I do something?" I tried to move forward and ignore my surroundings, including the guy walking in front of me. I ended up leaving work to get lunch and began to doubt myself.

Anyone with Harm OCD ever have to be a caregiver for the person you have the urges and obsessions about? I'm not going to survive this.

Waking up in a panick everyday thinking if this is real life or not, the thoughts never stop, I just want to get better, I had a panick attack yesterday thinking this wasn’t real life, I coped with alcohol for the past 4 years, now when I wake up it’s straight to this isn’t real life and you should just hurt yourself, am I going crazy ?

This is something very difficult for me so I suppose I'm just looking for a bit of support. A bit of context before I get into my current situation: I'm not sure what facet of ocd this is, but one of the many things I struggle with would be worrying about intruders in my home, specifically mystical ones that would be disturbing in appearance. For a long time this made me afraid of my room, under my bed, the hallway, etc around the nighttime. I've done exposures around this with my therapist and it has gotten better. It's been a few months without incident until now. I just got triggered by a video on tiktok which sounds silly to say. I am also autistic and there has been a change in my routine (parents aren't home) so I think this has made me feel more vulnerable. I feel very afraid and unsafe and it's late at night, I'm trying to force myself to watch the video to prove it's not going to hurt me but I can't bring myself to look at it. I just feel like all of my progress has gone down the drain and I'm feeling very low. Wondering if anyone can relate or has any advice, sorry for the drawn out post here.

Hey yall. Some back story: I have had OCD since I was a young child. It manifests as compulsive behaviors, a LOT of intrusive thoughts, relationship ocd, harm ocd, and contamination ocd. I also have PTSD due to having been abused and neglected (I nearly died of scarlet fever as a child). On the first day of 2020, shortly after becoming a single mom, after a year of complaining of constant, heavy periods, bloating, hair loss, exhaustion, and abdominal pain, it was discovered that my uterus was bound to my bowel and kidneys- a complication from having two back to back emergency c sections. I had a complex vertical abdominal hysterectomy in the height of the pandemic and over 15 pounds of scar tissue were removed from my abdomen. After 4 years of recovery, I've been feeling the healthiest, happiest, and most attractive I've ever felt. I was in a bad car accident three weeks ago, after which they discovered a mass on my one remaining ovary. Today, I learned that the mass is 10cm (the size of a grapefruit) and that, if it doesn't shrink in 3 weeks, I will need another abdominal surgery to remove it, along with my one remaining ovary. They mentioned that part of the reason for possibly removing the mass is to rule out ovarian cancer. I am ok right now. But I know that the intrusive thoughts are about to be bad. My fears of being abandoned and or undesirable to my partner, having serious health problems that prevent me from enjoying my life, and having health problems that hurt my children have something to latch on to. Please send me advice, reassurance, kind thoughts, advice on how to remain positive, or whatever you have that may help.

Hello, my name is Rydder, I’ve been having OCD my whole life and I’ve been able to handle my thoughts, but lately the past 3 months have been a wild ride! I went from court to court after 2 years of issues with the system, now that it is over I am scared about my well being, I’ve been having very bad intrusive thoughts lately about hurting myself or others, and it’s even making me hunch over in bed shaking and crying everyday because I’m not that type of person…. The mornings are so tuff I don’t even want to make it to work anymore, I’ve even called crisis lines because of my thoughts of hurting myself or other people with sharp objects, I just want to feel okay again! If anyone else has these thoughts please let me know and how to manage because I’m at the point where I call out to much and may become fired if I do!

Hi everyone I honestly feel so defeated My anxiety and ocd has been so intense I have intrusive thoughts about everything for example I suffer w harm ocd I suffer w the thought that I feel like I’m not genuine I suffer with being terrified of mental illness such as schizophrenia I get scared I’ll snap n lose control I suffer with the fact that I’m scared my anxiety will never go away n I’ll never get better I suffer w being so irritable w the people I love Recently I’ve been terrified people r staring at me and can read through my body language of how I think Today my brain felt scrambled, I woke up for work when I didn’t have work - in my defense I didn’t check the schedule and took this day off a month ago I went to the wrong location for a workout class And I went to a friends house took off my shoes n can’t find them. So now I’m fearing that I’m losing my mind n becoming delusional. I want to try medication but I’ve heard so many bad things. I’m just so sad of feeling like this. This is my outlet bc some of you understand. But it’s really isolating idk how some people even work it’s hard sometimes I push myself every single day and it’s been 3 years and I feel like I’ve had no sense of peace. Any advice?