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Did tracking intrusive thoughts and compulsion in the beginning of treatment make any of you feel worse?

Hey everyone, I have seen therapists and been on medication. Neither helped me. Sadly. So I have a weird OCD. I have the typical contamination and health OCD. However, I have a huge fear of hemeroids. It's so odd and I haven't been able to find any information about it. Some say it's a eating disorder because it controls what I eat, how much I eat. I use do have a fear of bad food, you know you eat the wrong food and your Ill the next day. So there were many times I wouldn't eat. Or I'd eat my "safe" food which used to be bread. But now my fear of hemeroids, I can't eat pizza, without putting veggies on it and sour cream. I don't really go a day without eating some type of veggie or fruit. It started when I stopped taking Imodium. Which is odd because it used to constipate me like none other. I was really constipated which never worried me. But after quitting it... I worried and I had rituals. Bath every night. Stuff like that. I used to have wipes id use. Anyways fast forward I got over it a bit and it wasn't a worry. I used to work out 5 days a week. Drink protein shakes. Etc. Then did beauty school. It wasn't a big worry. Then I met my husband and we had our first child. Sadly we lost him at 16 weeks and after that I completely changed. I got obsessed again. But then got pregnant with my second child and I didn't have worries, had her and learned that I had a grape sized hem or skin tag. Once I was able to feel again it was there and wouldn't go away. Granted I was cut with no numbing and lost half my blood. It was rather traumatic. Then had my second child. Almost died while pregnant with her. Blew out discs. Broke ribs. It was bad. After them... I've been pretty bad. I can't even do anything with my husband in fear of hemeroids. I used to take photos of down there. I don't anymore. Now I just check. Which makes it worse because if I have no swelling I'll have swelling after checking so often. :( I haven't read anything about this type of OCD but it consumes my life. It consumes what I eat. How my day goes. If it's good or bad. It makes me stressed about any photo jobs I have, or any jobs I do. I used to barrel race and I loved life. Now I'm stressed and feel worthless because if I feel something there.... I worry. I worry it'll be a hem and be strangled and get bad. I'm worried it'll get a cut on it. I'm worried I'll sit wrong and irritate it. I'm worried I'll get constipated and have issues. My husband gets them with his IBS and he's just like whatever. But me, it ruins my life! I want to get over it. I want to be normal again. I just dunno how to. Because it's a physical sensation that even if it's not there it is. I don't know what to do anymore.

Okay, this is gonna be pretty long and stuff so just a warning. I’m gonna kinda split it up. So, yeah. Okay. Idk, if this is gonna make any sense, and this is kind of weird, but do you — or like, your intrusive thoughts — ever like “force” — you — yourself to do something sometimes, and like “feel”. Okay, so for example, my whole life, I’ve never really been interested in “dating” and stuff, because it just didn’t make sense to me and because of certain stuff, and blah blah blah, but like when I was a bit younger, I’d get like these “intrusive thoughts” about like “dating” people and whatever, and usually it would be fine, but sometimes I felt like I would start to “act” a certain way or whatever, and start to “do” and “think” things for “attention” even if I wasn’t, and I would like act weird, and “go against” everything I want. Idk. Like, if I thought somebody liked me, or if I just had an intrusive thought about dating stuff, I’d kind of “force” myself to “like” them — not actually, but I’ll explain —, because “just ‘cause”, and it’s kind of what my intrusive thoughts told me, but it’s not what *EYE* wanted. Like, every time that happens, if I think someone likes me, etc. even if *EYE* don’t like them, and it’s not what I stand for, blah blah blah, my head will kind of make me feel like “well, say it anyways”, and “say this” and “say that”, blah blah blah, and then I would have these “fake” feelings that I DON’T really feel, and it would get exhausting. I wouldn’t do it all the time, though. I also just thought that it’s what “they” wanted, and I try and “do stuff” for people even if they don’t ask. I just go above and beyond for people, and exhaust myself. Idk why. That’s just how I am. It’s like I’m “overcompensating” also. And not just this; a whole bunch of other stuff too. It’s annoying. Also, I wouldn’t usually always “tell” them per se, but it’s complicated to explain. It was kind of like an “impulsive” compulsion thing. If that makes sense. Like sometimes I’ll just “DO” stuff just because. And it can get exhausting, because I DON’T really want to do that, I’m just “doing” it because I think it’s what “they” and I’m like “why not”, and it’s usually me thinking “but what if?…” blah blah blah. It’s like, I feel like I have to “confess” everything, but even the “not true” stuff. *The rest in the comments*

Hello, I will try to describe an obsession I have sometimes and then an example of it. I wonder if someone can recognize themselves in this. First of all I am in a relationship. But I have a problem that I get very interested in other women in my surrounding, even though I don’t want to since I love my girlfriend. It gets to almost an obsession that I need to check, for instance a colleague out (not doing anything physical just check them out). And I can’t relax when they are around because I know they are just outside my vision. Can someone relate to this “obsession”? I don’t want to feel this way since I love my girlfriend but this is eating me up…

So I went to my old school and it didn't sucked because I get to go to a field trip. My old friend was there so it wasn't that bad. But I was like so focused on not messing up. To leaving my house alll the way to my school I had thoughts of "being back with my ex" or something like that like wtf? I said multiple times (trying not to panick because I was in public. Usually when I'm alone in my room I scream saying "NO I HAVE BETTER BOYFRIEND" trying to be as detailed as possible so this little shit can understand) I was getting the hang with it reminding these thoughts that I don't want my ex and I want my boyfriend. I was getting anxious and having thoughts and these feelings. Like I felt like those ex thoughts were right or I felt like I wanted them and I started to feel guilty. I knew that I would never leave my boyfriend with my ex! I had these messed up thoughts and it ruined me. It felt like I was going to cheat on my boyfriend. I don't understand. Those thoughts were so confusing and so awful. I tried to think of my boyfriend and remind myself again and again that I'm committed to my boyfriend NOT my ex. I had thoughts of ditching my boyfriend or cheat on him with my ex and it felt real and I was scared and I felt so guilty and sad. I had to figure out and try correcting myself for the ENTIRE trip. I got a hold on them for a awhile but I just felt bad. Did I do something bad? These thoughts felt genuine and real and the feelings felt so I can't describe it. Probably like a urge like the type of feeling of trying not to scratch that mosquito bite idk that probably sound worse. I feel like a bad girlfriend and awful I wish I felt that type of awful way before. It feels like I don't deserve my boyfriend. I told myself many many times that I have a boyfriend and I did NOT want to go to my ex. But ig I didn't do hard enough. There were many what ifs and many not what if. I promised my boyfriend I would never leave him. I would never do that to my boyfriend!! I hate that I don't feel genuine like wth!! This is my boyfriend I do love him dearly.

So I’ve gotten WAYY!! Better with my pocd but there are times when I’m just living and almost forget or have some interaction with OCD. But sometimes I feel like even though I am, I get depressed immediately because, the future I’ve always wanted (having a wife and kids) just doesn’t seem like it’s even possible anymore, I feel like (A. If I do every get in a serious relationship, All I’ll be thinking is (you have pocd, you can’t tell her cause she’ll freak out and leave you and maybe possibly call the cops) its been so severe that I have these false attractions or whatever but not all the time and intrusive thoughts so graphic I spaz out or get goosebumps cause of how disturbing. I hate it with a passion. But I just feel like I don’t deserve to have any of that. That’s literally all I’ve been looking for in life have a wife and two kids and a good home. And it probably won’t ever happen sadly. Anyone on the same boat? 😔

Watching a video on ocd ./ and the lady was saying how someone with ocd will never act out their thoughts they are the safest people in the world ./ but as I was watching this I was thinking nor I would act on it I “want” to act on it and my groinal is going crazy at the time and am thinking wtff!!!!!

Good Evening 🌇 It’s my first day writing ✍🏼 to you all on this app. I’ve experience OCD symptoms since a child in almost every area of my life. When it came to body image, repeating mantras to make sure a family member would be injured for some random reason, spiritual and religious (thinking almost everything I do is somehow hurting my relationship with Source, when this is not reality) praying not stop until my eyes would blur so that I could fix things with G-D🙏🏼 Major fear of blasphemy etc…, There was school ocd when it came to memorizing studying and writing ✍🏼 particularly writing within the lines and not allowing myself sleep until I was sure I could get a 100% on the test/quiz/assignment; thus leading me to drop out of College mid-semester without explanation because the anxiety got unreal(all of my childhood ocd had built up to that agonizing point), as well as closing, locking, then unlocking, then re-locking doors multiple times to make sure so no intruder has a possibility to push the door in, not to mention gender & polite ocd thinking I have to open doors for anyone & everyone and pay for every thing even as a woman not allowing others to spot me, also repeatedly saying “I’m Sorry” & “Thank You” within no reason whatsoever, and so much more. I find it hard to express what I’ve written in the paragraph above because it’s hard to admit. It can be embarrassing 😳 especially to society and the people around. They might think I’m weird or crazy for doing these things, and so I had found ways to mask to keep myself and themselves comfortable, making outcomes of experiences easier to accept. That is so tiring to keep up with so… I’m ready for change. I’m ready to choose better. Looking towards better days. Days that I don’t have to rely on temptations that don’t help at all. Ocd can be difficult, especially on children who don’t know what’s happening. I assume I have trauma induced ocd to feel control over other things in my personal life that I could control, but this control mindset never made me feel whole like I’d wish. Rather it made me feel stuck in that endless void of having to reassure myself to feel present and okay. Accepting the Isness of All will lead the way. Everything is okay, and if it’s not okay, it’s not the end… just the beninging🫶🏼🙏🏼 I Love You❤️ You are such a beautiful being with great strength, proclivity, and intuition. It’s time to focus the energy we put into our compulsions into the things we actually Love to do & the person we Love Being. Thank You For Staying🫀 Thank You For Being 🙏🏼 For If You Hadn’t, I Wouldn’t Have Recognized The Divineness That You Are. 1 of 1

Well I guess no one could help! No one is going through what I am so I guess this wasn’t ocd after all … so I guess there’s no point been on this forum because it’s a insult to all you suffers … not that you’ll want any words from me but I do wish youse all the best in your recovery!! My journey with thinking I had ocd ends here I guess god bless use just want youse to know I never wanted to be this person and I wasn’t this person for 29 years of my life goodbye NOCD !

I have literally just experienced my first sexual thought … I been worried all day thinking what if I act on my thoughts , and my mam said what thoughts? And then I had a thought about touching a child and I got feeling down there! Omg I can’t breathe with anxiety !!!! Because I liked the feeling down there wtfffffffff😭😭😭😭 and I don’t know if I liked the thought too!!!!!! What the hell is that what ocd does or is this me!!!!!

Im getting so tired! I keep getting the “i want to die” thought and feeling… and its coming everyday… Always comes out of nowhere.. and i had a very good day yesterday… the thought and feeling just keeps coming back.. all the time! And it always makes me doubt if its real 😔

I have always had OCD tendencies, however it was until very recently in which I finally got a diagnosis. Life has been hard, lately. Some great things have happened to me - I got engaged, married, moved 2 times, adopted another dog, and am starting a family with my husband, so what gives? I have everything I have always wanted and with the person who is perfect for me. We always laugh, spend time with each other, support each other, and have many MANY great plans for the future, so why the intrusive thoughts? They are common for me - I always had to do things a certain way, couldn’t sleep unless I was the first one to do so, couldn’t handle school, never formed basic relationships (until I met my husband), and have the worst intrusive thoughts about my relationship and about my future. They always decide to enter in my mind when things are amazing. Moved in with my SO? Yep. Got engaged? Yep. Got married and moved? The worst intrusive thoughts I could ever imagine. I made myself so sick to the point where I ended up in the hospital and I lost 20 pounds. I didn’t get it. Why did I have these thoughts of “why don’t I want to be married?”, “what if I don’t love him”, “should I divorce him and leave”, “why do I fear for the future”. It makes no sense because I love him more than anything, cannot imagine a life without him, cannot wait to have his kids, and have the dream of growing old with him. Hell, I even have his initials tattooed on me. I have never been good with life changes, but this is new. With a lot of research and even more stress, I finally figured it out. The reason I am so distressed by these thoughts are because of how much he means to me and how much I am looking forward to the future. I had no idea that these were OCD-based intrusive thoughts. I have these ideas that I absolutely do not want to act on because I hold family, friends, and relationships so close to me, I had no idea what was wrong with me. With what I found, unfortunately it is all too common and can leave you as a shell of a person, someone you don’t recognize, and someone you hate, which is where I sit. Finally getting the OCD diagnosis that I have been waiting 28 years for has been a blessing, but also a curse because now all I think is “am I sure it’s OCD and not actually me?” Well this is not the case and what I need to learn. I am finally starting therapy to help get the answers and the support I need so I can become the best wife, daughter, sister, and future mom that I can be. My goal is to take back my life and my thoughts and stop obsessively worrying and crying all of the time. My current life is what I want and need and I need to stop my thoughts from trying to steal my own happiness. When I have good days, I have GOOD DAYS, but when I have bad days, they are horrible. If I can do it, you can do it. It just takes a community. ♥️♥️

i’ve been scared of going out to new places because i’m scared of dissociating and having anxiety- im obsessive over the thought of becoming anxious so i avoid anything that can possibly make me anxious and i’m missing out on key parts in my life- like making memories with my partner, going out to new places, being outside on beautiful days, losing money from calling out of work, and canceling on important plans due to me avoiding this anxiety i’m obsessed with keeping away. it’s a brutal process. i feel crippled and stuck inside at all times.

I noticed ocd is about having intrusive thoughts. But does OCD come in any other way? If so can y’all give me examples?

Hello guys, Im new here and seeking for advice. Im in a relationship with an amazing guy. I love him so much and that’s why my ocd and anxiety are latching onto my connection with him. He was staying over at my place and 2 events happened (something to do with his disease and he had an allergic reaction to food) that caused my stress and anxiety levels to be higher than normal. Followed by a night of bad sleep made things worse. I became very alert and was easily triggered. Something occurred that I completely miscalculated and we talked about it but my anxiety was through the roof at this point. I got these disturbing images of me hurting him in my head. I have had intrusive thoughts in the past but it didn’t affect me this much. Because of the lack of sleep and my high anxiety level made me so afraid of myself that I made the decision to sent him home. I have cried so much since that happened. I feel so bad for having that thought. I love him so much. Our communication is very healthy so I’ve told him about this the day after (why I sent him home). I couldnt do it in the moment because i didnt want to make the situation worse. We werent in a fight when i sent him home but both emotional and hugging each other. I have the feeling that my anxiety and ocd have won the battle by sending him home (avoidance). But i care so much for him that I didn’t want him to be at risk (thats what my mind tells me, i know its showing me disturbing images the opposite of what i want). Im in the early stage of having this type of OCD but I don’t want to lose him. But for me the only way to get this relationship to work is to get rid of this. Can anyone relate? Like, having intrusive thoughts about your partner? I know its latching on to the things you love the most and I hate it so much. Thanks in advance :)

What is happening to me!!!!!! Why am I liking and wanting these thoughts when I had never had them before in my lifeeee!!!!! I clearly have ocd because I woke up 2 years ago with these thoughts and Iv obsessed and compulsed since!!!! But now I like and want them I don’t get anxiety!!!!! How can ocd do this to you?????

Has anyone found a medication for them that has worked. I’m on my second day of Luvox, but my anxiety and depression from intrusive thoughts and ruminating are so through the roof, that I feel like I’m going out of my mind. I’m contemplating trying Valium as need be until my ssri kicks in, but I’m afraid of feeling the need to take it too much and become addicted. Advice?

Been talking over how I feel and what’s happened and why I’m 30 and this has just become a thing! Iv discovered a p has jumped in my mind , this is why I like the thoughts wants the thoughts this is why the groinals are happening! Because me before this didn’t have any of these things! So it’s not me I haven’t turned into a p ! A p is living in my mind

Hi guys I’ve had ocd since I was a child I’m 37 now. I’ve not been diagnosed but I have all the symptoms and looking back at my life it’s so obvious I had it from lining up my ribs as a child to more mental compulsions now of having to ruminate and get thoughts just right to stop bad things happening BUT!!! Even tho I know I have ocd I still can’t start erp I feel like I’m constantly waiting for the right time to start erp, any advice on starting erp and seeing it through. Thanks

I'm 41 when I was 11 my parents put me on Ritalin and immediately I started counting coins and doing religious chants I got this game jenga for Christmas and when I tell you I sat there putting that puzzle together and pulling out different pieces of it for over 6 hours in the middle of the night because it didn't feel right it was awful. They brought me back to the doctor and they immediately took me off the Ritalin but I still had the OCD so they tried every drug in the book on me and I've been on Prozac and Remeron for about 30 years I also developed panic disorder with agoraphobia so I'm on Lorazepam for the last 10 years. I have the going over in my head thing and touching or repeating OCD that I still battle with where if I'm doing something something reminds me of something else that could be bad so I have to redo whatever I was doing so for instance if I was putting on my shirt and I hear an ambulance go by I have to take the shirt off put it back on think of good thoughts and the right order and then put the shirt on this can take up to an hour. Or if I go to get up and a commercial comes on that scares me about something with health I have to automatically sit back down wait until that commercial's over or if I hear a word that reminds me of something that I'm worried about I take that thing I'm worried about will happen if I continue watching whatever show I'm watching I had a gambling addiction too so playing this game Baccarat you either bet on red or blue and if I bet on red look at the table the table is blue then I look at the B from Baccarat and that's the second letter of the alphabet so I'd say I'm going to lose by 2. This isn't talking in my head slowly this is basically just me quickly thinking it you notice the blue you notice the B and all that I'm going to lose and you get that Dreadful feeling you're going to and then you do. :and sometimes it would happen by whatever I thought I would lose by and that would reinforce my OCD even though I know OCD is not some kind of fortune teller I have a hard time explaining things to people because there's so many words I'm not allowed to use because it'll trigger my OCD or I think something bad will happen. I always over explain things even though I understand people understood what I said I have come a long way but I remember when I was 20 on Christmas Eve I drove into this addition pulled into a random person's house looked at their address numbers as four numbers and then as the first two and the last two and they had to add up right and they had to add up right then I would have to look at the clock and add the time so if it was 7:15 7 + 1 + 5 13 (13 was a bad number) that would have to add right with the address and if it didn't add I would back out and pull back in their driveway I pulled in and out of these people's driveway like 40 times and I saw another neighbor staring out the window on a cordless phone obviously calling the cops like what the hell is this guy doing. There's so much more but it's hard to explain that you would have to be inside my brain to understand how it works So that's just some of the weird stuff I have with OCD hopefully anybody else that experiences anything remotely like that understands it is OCD This was my first post sorry it was so long