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I’ve been feeling a bit stressed lately because my intrusive thoughts aren’t causing as much anxiety as they used to. It almost feels like I’m becoming a little numb to them, and because of that, I’m able to engage with them a bit longer. I don’t feel the usual rush of anxiety to pull away, and in some strange way, I even find myself focusing on them for a few seconds, like I’m actively thinking about them. It’s really stressing me out because I feel like by not feeling that immediate discomfort or anxiety, I’m letting the thoughts stay longer or giving them more power. I feel like part of me almost wants them to be there, and I don’t know if that’s a bad sign? They don’t even feel intrusive. Has anyone else experienced this? I’m just worried that the lack of anxiety is the reason I’m interacting more with these thoughts that would normal scare me. I feel guilt about it later. I am currently withdrawing from medication so that may contribute to this but it’s not the first time I experience this :/

Am I the only one who experiences this, or is it more common than I think? Sometimes, I find myself imagining what a couple’s sex life might look like, or what a person’s body might be like. I think it’s driven by curiosity, and I focus on it for a few seconds. When it comes to family members, teenagers, or anyone I feel uncomfortable imagining in this way, I used to be able to shake it off as an intrusive thought. But lately, I can’t seem to let go of it anymore. I’ve become used to the anxiety, but I’m stuck questioning what this means about me, especially since I’ve taken time to think about it. This is really stressing me out because I feel like a pervert. I’m hoping that this is something more common than I realize and that OCD is just distorting something. I feel like I really need some insight here. Any advice?

i’m so scared im going to lose control and end up locked up or something. this is so exhausting!! i worry that what i have isn’t OCD and that im genuinely insane and im gonna end up in big trouble or that the urges i have are going to actually happen. i dont want to think these things ! i feel like a horrible human being!!

Sometimes, when I see people in videos, photos, or in person, I intentionally imagine them naked. I’m really freaking out about it and don’t fully understand why I do it. It doesn’t always feel intrusive, sometimes it feels like I’m just taking the time to visualize it, which scares me even more. Can anyone explain what might be happening? Is this just natural curiosity, or something else? I feel really ashamed and don’t know how to handle it. I’m scare it’ll happen with children or family members. Maybe that would be a compulsion at that point but I’m scared

some days I wake up with so much dread and guilt. It makes it so hard to keep going. I open my eyes and I’m hit with a wave of nausea and terror. I feel ashamed of my compulsions and my OCD. I feel like a monster for my checking compulsions. For momentarily sexualizing things that shouldn’t be sexualized out of anxiety. I’m ashamed of a lot that I give into because of anxiety. Confessing things that are meaningless to my boyfriend. I feel so awful and unworthy of existing and of love. I feel hopeless I don’t want to keep pushing, the more I push the more meta my OCD becomes and the more guilt I feel for this mental illness. The more confusing it becomes to do ERP. If compulsions are a choice, they feel like life or death and it’s driving me insane, I beat myself up so badly over them I’m scared of compulsions, I’m scared of thoughts, I’m scared to be awake, I’m even scared of sleeping because my intrusions and compulsions haunt me there too. I spend my dreams trying to explain or justify my OCD and compulsions to people. I’m exhausted, I want this to stop so badly. My severe OCD isn’t feeling any less severe and it’s been months. I don’t want to keep questioning my every move but I’m so hyperaware of everything I do. I’m so tired. Some days I don’t even have tears to cry with. I’m just so full of despair and shame

My boyfriend told me that he feels like he’s losing me, that I’ve changed, and that I don’t seem happy to see him anymore. I know that this should hurt me deeply, but when he said it, I didn’t feel anything. And now I’m terrified. Why didn’t I react? Why didn’t I feel instant sadness or guilt? It’s like I was emotionally blocked, like I didn’t care at all—and that thought is destroying me. What if this means I don’t love him? What if I’ve just been lying to myself and I don’t want to accept the truth? I feel so disconnected and numb. My brain keeps telling me: “If you really cared, you would feel something.” But instead, I feel nothing. And the fact that I feel nothing makes me panic even more. I don’t know what’s happening to me. I used to feel so much, and now it’s like I can’t access my emotions at all. I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to feel like this forever. I just want to feel normal again

My boyfriend told me that he feels like he’s losing me, that I’ve changed, that I never seem happy to see him anymore, and that I haven’t told him I love him in a long time. Hearing this completely broke me. I feel numb, stuck, and unable to process my emotions. I don’t understand what’s happening to me. What if he’s right? What if I don’t love him anymore and I’m just in denial? I want to feel something when I’m with him, but I feel blocked. I feel like I can’t express love the way I used to, and now he’s noticing it too. That makes me feel even worse, because he doesn’t deserve this. He’s been trying to help me, but he told me that I’m not changing, and now I feel like I’m the problem. Even when I’m calm, I still feel disconnected. My brain doesn’t work the same anymore—I can’t think clearly, I can’t process my emotions like I used to. I thought that when my anxiety would go down, I would finally feel normal again, but even in moments of calm, I feel like I don’t know what’s real. I feel like a horrible person, like I’m emotionally unavailable and ruining everything. I don’t want to lose him. I don’t want to feel this way anymore. I just want to go back to how I used to feel, when love wasn’t something I questioned every second. im ruining my relationship

my boyfriend td he feels like he is losing me , like im different amd, that i have changed, that i never told him i live him anymore and im never happy to see him as i used to. why is this happening to me. i feel numb. is my fear real? im a horible person

So I havent started NOCD therapy yet, I see my therapist on Monday. Backstory- I was on paxil and I started having lots of break through anxiety/panic last year. So in December my dr and I decided that I should try a different SSRI. On dec 27th I started a crosstaper off paxil on to lexapro. Little over one week I did 15mgpaxil and 5mg lexapro. Then I did a little over 1 week on 10mg and 10mg of both. Then went to 5mg paxil and 10mg lexapro. Then 2.5 paxil for a couple days then on Jan 21st I start just 10mg lexapro. From there I did about 18 days on 10mg then moved to 12.5mg lexapro. Then this past Saturday I went up to 15mg. During this I have been taking ativan for my anxiety and panic attacks. I had ativan or xanax to take as needed before but during the starting of lexapro I have been taking ativan almost everyday to cut the anxiety. Then I googled if I was addicted/dependant on my ativan and got scared from what I read. Then I started reading about ativan withdrawals and that scared me. So last night and this morning I've been spiraling on if I'm going to have a seizure from the ativan and I started panicking this morning when all I wanted to do was lay down and sleep in since I didn't have to go anywhere today. Since I started panicking I took my ativan and now I feel like a loser. I just want the lexapro to start working so I can feel some what normal again. I have good days and bad days and yesterday and today were bad days... When does this get better... I hate worrying about my health and if something is wrong or if something will cause me to get sick. Im scared to die and my emdr therapist says that means that I love being alive and respect life but then why do I waste it worrying and living in fear

I posted recently on this app about my false attraction Someone told me to stop obsessing and you'll know whether they're really false..! it triggered me But when i tried to calm down and asked myself am I really attracted to girls i heard a voice YES..😓 Like i havent been professionally diagnosed with hocd And also im too young they say im just exploring.. but how??I've always been interested boysand i ve always had supportive background but i dont want to am into coming out process? Im going crazy now, cant feel anyting almost out of breaths...

I’m really scared that if I stop panicking about my thoughts, they will become real. Lately, I’ve been feeling irritated by my boyfriend, and sometimes I even think he annoys me or disgusts me. When these thoughts come, they feel so real, like I genuinely don’t want to be in this relationship anymore. And now I’m terrified that if I stop reacting with fear, it means I actually don’t want him, and I’ve just been in denial this whole time. What if the fact that I’m getting used to these thoughts means I’m actually accepting them as the truth? What if my fear was the only thing keeping me from realizing I don’t love him anymore? I’ve read about people saying that, with ROCD, thoughts lose their power over time, but I’m scared that in my case, that will just mean I’ll end up accepting something I don’t want to be true. On top of that, I had a situation where I noticed a guy at school, and my anxiety made me obsess over it. I remember seeing him last year and paying attention to how he dressed, which made me panic and think, ‘What if I like him?’ The thought wouldn’t leave my head, and I even thought about it at home, which made me feel guilty. Recently, I had to go to his classroom for a project with my teacher, and when I saw him, I felt like I got nervous or something. Now I’m terrified that I like him, and that it means I don’t love my boyfriend. I don’t even know his name, I don’t want to know, but my mind won’t stop obsessing over it. Meanwhile, my boyfriend told me he doesn’t feel loved by me anymore, and that breaks my heart. I feel so guilty because I’m constantly thinking that I don’t like my boyfriend, and now my brain is telling me I like someone else. What if I’m only with my boyfriend because I don’t want to hurt him? What if I’m in denial? I just want to feel normal again. my boyfriend is amazing he dosent deserve this

There’s something that happens that keeps me stuck in a thought, it’s when I can see some part of myself agreeing with or relating to it in some way. That’s when the doubt creeps in. If I can understand *why* the thought is there, doesn’t that mean it’s not just random? Doesn’t that mean it actually reflects something about me? For example **(TMI/TW)**: I had the thought, *“I wonder what other people’s kinks are (including friends, family, even teenagers).”* And then I caught myself thinking, *“Well, I guess that could be interesting information… maybe I wouldn’t even stop someone from sharing it with me. Does that mean I actually want to know? Wait—does that make me perverted or incestuous for even having this curiosity?”* The same thing has happened with other thoughts, like wondering what someone’s privates might look like. I recognize that, on some level, that could be interesting—but does that mean the thought is truly mine? Maybe the answer is super obvious and I just can’t see through my OCD smoke. This was a bit embarrassing for me to write 🥲, but can anyone provide some insight?

I don’t understand why I don’t feel happy, why my mind keeps making me think so negatively about him. Nothing makes me feel joy anymore. I keep thinking that he’s stupid, that I don’t like him, and when he speaks kindly to me, I feel nothing. The worst part is that I feel completely numb, like I have no emotions at all. And that makes me think that maybe I really don’t like him, that I will eventually reach a point where I realize my worst fear is true. I keep fighting with him because of my attitude. I treat him badly, and I know it’s because of my thoughts. I can’t see the good in anything. Today, he told me that I would be better off without him because I always seem so sad. He moved to my city for university just to be with me, and instead of making his life better, I feel like I’m making it worse. The thoughts don’t stop, even when I’m with him. I see people posting about how they feel calm when they’re with their partners, but I don’t. I can’t look at him without having intrusive thoughts, and I can’t even kiss him. Today, he told me that he doesn’t feel loved by me anymore, that I treat him poorly. I am constantly afraid because I feel nothing when he says things to me, because I don’t feel like I care. When I look at pictures of us from when I was in a better place, I feel like I was a completely different person. I start thinking that I’ve “matured” and that’s why I don’t feel anything anymore—like maybe I only liked him because I was young and naïve. Everything he does and says irritates me, but he loves me. What if I’m only with him because I don’t want to hurt him? What if I’m just used to him? I feel scared all the time. I don’t understand what’s happening. He keeps trying to apply logic, but it doesn’t work on me. So many times, he has tried to make me feel better, to tell me that I still care about him and that I don’t need to feel love all the time. But my heart breaks when I see how attached he is to me while I feel like I don’t feel the same way. I feel like I’m hurting him, and I don’t know how to get out of this dark place . He keeps trying to apply logic, but it doesn’t work on me. So many times, he has tried to make me feel better, to tell me that I still care about him and that I don’t need to feel love all the time. But my heart breaks when I see how attached he is to me while I feel like I don’t feel the same way. I feel like I’m hurting him, and I don’t know how to get out of this dark place

The whole hip movement compulsion thing got worse. My dog was cuddling with me and I started to move my hips. I think I was checking to see if it felt wrong. I basically humped my dog, I feel so much guilt. But I keep doing it and I don’t understand why. Please help

I’m not sure if this is something normal my OCD has latched onto or if it’s related to ROCD, but sometimes I feel embarrassed about my boyfriend, and I feel awful about it. I feel self conscious of not just myself but of my bf :( The only thing I’m sure about is it doesn’t feel good and it’s usually followed by guilt. And I wish I didn’t feel this way I had a panic attack mostly because of these feelings and also because I realized I’ve never really loved my boyfriend’s name. **I know that’s exactly the thing OCD would focus on 🙂** but it spiraled into thinking about the names of guys and friends. I realized I like some of their names more than my boyfriend’s. That sent me straight into hyperventilating. I know both of these things probably seem ridiculous, but I’m still trying my best. As a small success, I haven’t confessed any of this to my boyfriend 🎉—mostly because I was in the shower (which felt like progress in itself, as my depression has been really bad and my panic debilitating, so taking care of myself felt like a win). After I got out of the shower, my boyfriend was asleep, but I did wake him up but I still didn’t allow myself to confess 🥹. I know I’ll probably end up confessing later, but for now, I’m proud of myself for delaying it. I’m wondering if anyone relates but at the same time I kinda really wanted to share this small sucess :)

i feel si bad. me and my bf have almost 2 years and my thoughts about me not loving him affects me so so much. he told me rn he ia very attached to me and he loves me and i feel si bad that i dint feel happy and i constantly think “i dont feel the same” “what do i feel” “do i love him” “i dont love him” he shows me how much he loves me and im here feeling si guilty about what i dont feel and im si scared i dont want to not feel i wqnt to love him and be happy what if im in denial i feel so fake

I am really freaking out. My OCD has developed into some weird things where it’s mostly my imagination and me moving. I got the thought earlier that if I thrust my hips, or move them, let it be to the thought of a child/family being in front of me, cuddling with them. I thought that was ridiculous and obviously no matter what I imagine, NOT REAL. So I did that a bunch of times in an effort to prove to myself that it was ridiculous. I don’t know what to do, because now, a few hours later, I feel horrified. I keep doing it. I don’t think I’m checking anything, I think I’m more so desperate to get rid of this fear and ridiculousness. Can someone please help me?

It hurts so much, so much pain, I want to give up, I feel like both conditions make each other worse, trying to fight back, trying so hard not to look for answers but this makes it so hard, I just..feel like I have very little hope, I'm so......so tired.

I keep thinking that I don’t feel anything for my boyfriend. He recently told me, ‘Maria, it seems like this relationship is doing you more harm than good. I think if we broke up, you’d be better off,’ and I had no reaction. Now I keep thinking that I just don’t want to accept the truth and that I’m a fake who doesn’t know what I want from a relationship. This weekend, he stayed with me from Friday to Sunday (it was also our 1 year and 10 months anniversary). From one moment to the next, I felt horrible—I wanted to cry, I wanted to tell him how anxious I was. He kept reassuring me, saying things like, ‘You don’t have to feel love all the time. Just think logically: you’re with me, you called me to be with you, you still want to be with me, and these thoughts bother you. That means you love me and care about me.’ But I just couldn’t understand it. I couldn’t even kiss him properly. I could give him small pecks, but when he tried to kiss me deeply, I avoided it. I felt horrible because I used to be able to do it, and now it just feels blocked. I wanted to scream and pull my hair out because I don’t feel right, and my mind keeps telling me I don’t like him and that’s it. I’m terrified that this is the truth. I also get irritated with him easily, and that makes me think I don’t like him. When I think about our past, I feel like I was fake and just convinced myself that I liked him. But he tells me, ‘If you were pretending, you should be an actress,’ trying to make me realize that it’s impossible to fake something for this long. And still, I think, ‘Maybe I’m just a good person who doesn’t want to hurt him.’ But he tells me that’s not how it works. I cried uncontrollably, I couldn’t stop, and I still can’t stop looking for reassurance online. The tightness in my chest and the way this feels so real is killing me. I’m scared that I had high expectations for this relationship and now I can’t accept that I don’t like him. I feel like I don’t deserve someone as good as him. I don’t even know why it didn’t affect me when he said I’d be happier without him. And he’s upset because instead of listening to him, I keep searching for answers on Google and other apps. i know what i do wrong i know in not grateful enough and what i do wring but i feel controlled . i dont realise how good he is to me and all the things he accepted because i act so so badly and forgot to mention we saw each other rarely this month because he had his finals of the semester and now he has a break and went back to his parents house (HE MOVED TO MY CITY TO COLLAGE JUST FOR ME) and he came 3 hours with the train back here just to spent valentines day with me and i just made this worse instead of us being happy and celebrating and i feel ungrateful and omg i hate myself

This is my first post here, i'm personally struggling like ive never felt before. The human mind can be so powerful for the positive, and also for the negative. I let myself get walked on like a doormat by a woman I wanted to be with for years. I wanted to save her from the demons I knew surrounded her, but completely destroyed myself trying to do so. She finally gave me chance and it was an absolute nightmare. Ive been burned multiple times and have never once questioned my sexuality until she and I stopped "dating". I still have no desire to ever be with a man, but for some reason my mind has me judging everyone I look at and its exhausting. The future scares me, trying to decide what I want in life makes me stress, everything feels like its gone to hell. Im taking medicine for adhd which helps tremendously, but ive just never been in this place before. Full of trust issues, insecurities, self doubt, etc. i appreciate reading everyones posts and look forward to the day this is all behind me and im back to my "old" self.