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Has anyones ROCD been so bad that they broke up with their partner? Or they didn’t realize they had ROCD and broke up with their partner? I did and I feel alone in this aspect.

I was diagnosed with GAD a few years ago. (And panic disorder back in college) but early this year, when I was looking into some checking behaviors in my son, it was like the veil was lifted for me- and when I started reading about “pure O” and mental compulsions- I felt like my whole world was rocked. Like all of a sudden my whole childhood made sense. That all the things I had been doing were maybe OCD and not normal kid stuff. Here are some examples. Wondering your thoughts for those of you diagnosed? I finally went to a therapist and after three sessions (she didn’t even want to talk about my childhood at all) I asked her if she thought I could have ocd because of my compulsive researching and certain tendencies and she literally said “ocd looks like handwashing” and brought up Howie Mandel not touching door handles. That was a red. Flag so now I’m here. Thanks for any thoughts: Childhood triggers: Death- was CONSTANTLY worried my parents would die. Couldn’t go to movie theater and enjoy the movie. Or on vacation. Would spend the whole time worrying about their health. Did they have cancer? Both were smokers. Would just watch them breathe. Religion: OBSESSED with the end of the world. Tried to learn everything I could about it. Worried constantly that it was going to end at any moment. I would look out our front window to see if the church across the street was still there or if it was “raptured.” Prayed a lot over and over. Felt if I didn’t pray enough about certain things- like my parents health if they had to go to the doctor for a check up that God would punish me by giving them cancer. Was also very obsessed and worried about getting my period. (Luckily, or unluckily it didn’t come til I was 14). An example of how messed up I was- I would pray to God and barter that he could give me my period if it meant the world would not end. I was like 10-12 probably at this time. (Y2K was also around this time frame) How my symptoms have possibly adapted? (This is outside of rumination, mental review- I do a lot of that- but I feel like that’s common in GAD?) Had a bad bout with panic disorder in college where I was fearing for my own health all the time. I still have the issue. It’s now turned more into obsessive googling. I was recently diagnosed with Graves Disease and I know just about everything you could know about thyroids, tests, autoimmune illnesses etc. same with OCD. Same with ADHD for my kids. I plan what I’m going to google/research after work each day. I have to GPS my drive time to work just to see if I’m going to be late, even though it won’t change the outcome. I wake up like 1-2 hours before my alarm goes off every day and check my phone probably 15-20x before my alarm goes off.

I feel like I'm harboring a horrible secret, or that I'm a monster, because of my OCD & I'm struggling a lot to let myself make friends and have deeper connections with others because of it. I know it's OCD, and I would never feel like other sufferers' are their fears - but when it comes to me, I just can't disconnect my intrusive thoughts with the idea that they mean something about me as a person. There's someone I'm starting to like, in a serious way I think, but it gives me so much anxiety to let him get closer to me or consider things becoming romantic in the future. And I hate it, because I know that if I didn't have OCD I'd be overjoyed with how much he seems to enjoy my presence - but I feel like a liar, like by not telling him all of my intrusive thoughts I'm hiding my "true self." I know that it's an OCD thought, and I need to not engage with it, but it's hard. I don't want people to care about me just for me to end up being the monster my OCD warns me I am. I can't afford therapy - so any responses are welcome, tips & tricks or just comfort that I can get through it. 🥲

(Synopsis: Has your OCD ever latched on to someone and caused major changes in your life? How do you deal with feeling like a total creep?) My OCD has latched on to a guy I had a crush on through my school years. It started when I followed him on Instagram. I then broke up with my boyfriend of 7 years (which was for the best) and immediately started trying to SLEEP WITH THIS MAN. We DM’d and it went nowhere but I was EXTREMELY forward and aggressive to the point where a year later I am still very embarrassed by it. After that happened, I muted his story and posts and my obsessions faded. Then I was buying a home and since he is a carpenter I hit him up for a quote… It went nowhere as well probably because I BASICALLY SEXUALLY HARASSED HIM. Anyway, then I saw the gym he went to looked like something I might enjoy so I signed up. I fell in love with this gym and now I go every day when I was never an active person. I’ve seen him there a few times and we just say hello. Super awkward. My friend is into manifestation so she suggested I look into manifesting a “specific person” and there is all of this content online about manifesting someone into your life no matter the circumstances. All you have to do is speak it into truth. Well that doesn’t mix well with OCD so I FULLY convinced myself that he and I were meant to be and all of this insane stuff. I realized it was a problem when I was talking about him to every one of my friends and sounding like a weirdo. That’s when I started NOCD. That brings me to where I’m at now. Every time I go to the gym, I wonder if he will be there. When he pops into my head, I go to his (muted) Instagram to see what I missed. I still have lingering feelings that I am so obsessed with him because we are fated to be together. This man has been the catalyst to several big things in my life: breaking up a long term relationship, becoming a gym rat, and starting NOCD. I’m even in the beginnings of a great relationship and I still can’t stop these obsessions. I just started working on it with my therapist here but I need someone to relate to! Does anyone else have these obsessions and how do you deal with feeling like a stalker creep?

Hey guys I’ve been doing very well in terms of managing OCD but recently I’ve been having this intrusive thought of what if the cops arrest me for my Google search history. I used to feel what i now recognize as a huge sense of responsibility to protect children from cp and would Google cp into the search bar and on p*rn sites to report to cybertip. I’ve only done the latter once or twice but now I’m obsessively anxious about thinking of what if the cops check my computer, whether it looks like I have intent to watch etc. Please advise :(

Hey guys so I was having good days last week . I was feeling connected towards my partner and felt the feeling of being in “love” again . On Thursday those feelings started to go away again and I don’t feel as anxious and now I’m starting to get intrusive thoughts that just love to stick . These thoughts are telling me that since I don’t feel anxious about these thoughts they must mean they’re true about my relationship and that I should leave . It makes me loose hope every time that I’ll get better . Does anyone else experience this ? Does anyone have any advice ? I’m really trying and when I think I’m almost there something happens in my head and I get depressed again :/

Is it OCD when when I’m trying to find a connection between my friend’s conversation with other guys that he wants to hook up with (his intention was only to hook up) and my conversation with a guy I went on a date with in the past (my intention was to date and get into a relationship if there’s a huge opportunity to it but I didn’t want to force it), and it did not work out between us. I was trying to see if 1) the structure of the conversation is almost similar (inviting someone on a date or a hook up, someone might have ghosted, opening up what your needs and wants, what person A wants is making person B uncomfortable or unsafe…) 2) If they’re the same or they have almost the same flow of conversation, the next thing I’ll do is to justify my actions from the past. That what I did was really valid. To see if my friend did the same thing too. Basically I’m trying see if - My friend’s convo = my conversation from the past with a guy I went on a date - friend’s action = my past action - Actions of my friend’s date = the actions of the guy I went on a date If so, then I can freely justify myself or find out if what I did was right and valid by asking questions to my friend like: - Did you say no because you felt unsafe? (Because I did that too.) - Was his communication clear on whether he just wanted to hook up or have a relationship or maybe something casual? (The guy I met did not do that, so that’s why it didn’t work for both of us.) I was trying to see if what happened was okay and that I didn’t lack in that area of interaction we had and I did everything I can, to the best of my abilities and wisdom that was given to me from Above, and I did what was best for me.

Hey all, I was wondering on what it looks like to you to accept your anxiety and let the intrusive thoughts flow? I’ve heard this a lot but to me this prolongs my anxiety. For context I’m struggling with intrusive thoughts of beastiality and wanting to go watch it and it’s giving me high anxiety, I’m trying to accept it but I feel like it’s prolonging the anxiety.

Really really struggling I feel like I need to scream cry run and hide I cannot stop obsessing about my husband he makes me feel anxious uncomfortable etc He cuddled me last night and I felt weird I don’t get it I’m so confused and worried to death I had an appointment at work today I cancelled couldn’t bare the thought of going somewhere and pretending to be present I’m not enjoying food doing anything going anywhere physical contact with my husband and being with him is making me question him constantly I’m dreading the weekend at home with him I just don’t know what to do Do I love him anymore should I leave should I run away I cannot cope with these feelings any longer I’m seeing a counsellor Monday had my meds increased and not drank alcohol in 11 days and I drank very regular This episode all started from a panic attack non related 3 weeks ago

Hey guys I have rocd and I need advise or some words of encouragement When it comes to the feelings of oh I dont love my boyfriend even when I say I do it feels like im lying to myself and it makes me discouraged but I am too numb to fight it Its like my body doesn't want to accept I do Moments when I think oh I want to do something with my boyfriend my brain and feelings shut it down like oh its just going to turn into a routine or nothing he does will make you into him It just makes me depressed and numb because I love my boyfriend a lot, I could not imagine leaving him when I know all I want is him Sometimes my head tells me oh you are too young to have rocd (im 19) or there's always the grass greener on the other Side why settle But I love long term relationships and I want it with him, I chose to date him because it was something about him that was just different and I instantly connected with him We also been together for almost a year (anniversary on August 25) and sometimes my head tells me oh if you guys were together longer its rocd since a lot of people that are on the app I've seen had their relationship for years With anyone dealing with this and go through these episodes in recovery what is it that you do that helps you go forward with your partner and not feeling like giving up

A lot of OCD treatment phrases I hear is it’s okay to be uncertain of what’s to come. But what about being uncertain about things in the past? What about the urge to KNOW everything that had already happened? Did I do this or that? What EXACTLY happened? What do they mean when they said this? I ruminate about stuff in the past including a guy I went on one date with in 2019. It ended with him blocking me but then I reached out a few months later (by this time I had a boyfriend) and he said it was because he “didn’t want to ruin what I had going on” and he “figured I was talking to someone else” (which may include my boyfriend who is now my husband). So I started obsessing what made him think that, and what did I do wrong. Because yes it was true I was technically meeting different people at the same time because it’s my first time doing online dating, but we never discussed how we feel about it, I think he probably just guessed I was taling to other people still but my mind says “no it’s your fault! You ghosted him!” because before he blocked me I did kinda lessened my texts when, for the second date, he invited me to go to the bars and said he wanted me to get turnt. (Additional note: he was also sending inappropriate and sexual jokes not directed at me but it was still random and a little bit sexual). It made me think that those jokes plus wanting me to get drunk and him drunk as well is equal to: he just wants to make out or have sex. Or he’s up to no good, it may lead to something not good. Either way, I felt unsafe for the fact that the intention was for me and him to get really intoxicated. So I stopped replying in that conversation and he didn’t bring it up again. I was hoping he would invite me to a different kind of date like dinner or something else to redeem himself, that’s why I stopped texting him first. But I worried I might have ghosted him accidentally because I might have missed his message on snapchat (that app deletes your messages after you exit it) and that might be the reason why he “thought I was talking to someone else” which I hate because it might be based on miscommunication and not incompatibility, that I was still open to talking to him and he just didn’t get the right message because maybe I didn’t speak up more. That rubs me off the wrong way. So now I’ve obsessed about him long enough (years!) that for any possible new information I can find about him, my compulsion says to GO FIND THAT OUT OR FIGURE IT OUT. For example, yesterday I ended up doing a compulsion and found a youtube video of him from his company, I felt super anxious, some emotional contamination, guilt, ROCD maybe, so I started to say a chant and a prayer while screen recording it to neutralize it then exiting the app. I did it for a number of times too so it may be symmetrical OCD or perfectionism. TODAY, my mind is saying, “Hey remember what you saw yesterday? have you checked the description of the video? Didn’t you screen record the video yesterday, and your compulsion to neutralize it? Why not check it again? It’s for your reference anyway right? Or you can look it up AGAIN on youtube! Maybe they put in his socials there or email address or phone number or anything, just something about him? Have you checked? Check it! It only takes a minute. I will shut up once you check it. It will give you relief once you check it and you don’t find any information because it will be a dead end for you. You don’t have to do any compulsion again after this. This is important. You HAVE TO KNOW what the video description says.” I know for sure this is a compulsion but the thought of getting new info is somehow enticing and the fact that only pressing a few buttons is all it takes to answer my question is giving me anxiety and I want this compulsion gone. The thought of it’ll be a “dead end” once I find out about it is even more enticing because my mind is telling me there won’t be any more compulsions after you do this one because you’re not gonna get new information anyway! But what if there is a new info?What would I do with that? Normally I would have gave in, but yesterday I did that and it sent me into a spiral of compulsions.

Going through a very very tough time with anxiety depression and OCD The counseling wait for the nhs is long I’ve had my meds increased from 50 to a 100 For a solid 2 weeks I’ve felt terrible with what started off as a panic attack I’m now consumed with an overload of thoughts, mainly negative doubt guilt worry what if questions Generally feel like I’m going out of my mind I’m now fixated on my marriage should I be with him ? Am I even happy ? Do I even like him ? I don’t like my home at the moment and don’t want to be there or what To do with myself Like I want to leave work right now and break down I worry about things that happened in the past my fault and then ruminate in why I done what I did It’s so overwhelming No appetite Exhausted Emotional nothing interests me apart from googling my feelings / thoughts Anyone been here before ?

hi everyone..I recently self diagnosed w ROCD (doing a professional assessment this week). I’ve been reading a TON about it and using this app which is so helpful, and I’m starting to understand like, the importance of not trying to seek reassurance or whatever etc etc. the thing is, in a way, I feel like my partner simultaneously is a trigger for me (in that I am so fearful that when I see them, I might have acknowledge a “flaw” of theirs and then I spiral into guilt/anxiety/etc) but at the same time; I feel like they’re also..reassurance for me? like we’re taking space this week because of my ROCD (this is the first time we’ve experienced this from me, and it’s really hard for her) but I’ve been pretty much having intense waves of anxiety on my own too, like every day. Throughout the day, and when I wake up. I am doing my best to now just sit w the anxiety — it’s incredible physically painful and overwhelming, but I’m trying. But the thing is, I’m scared that if I feel this anxiety while next to my partner, I will act weird or overshare (a compulsion)?** But at the same time..I also feel like I miss her SO much and WANT to see her so badly, and it’s hard to tell if it’s because I simply want to see her / want to experience good moments w her (which we had so many of before ROCD onset) or if it’s bc I want to see her to like reassure myself that I DONT care about her “flaws”. But since I read we shouldn’t ever seek “reassurance”..does this mean I’m not allowed to want to be with her? Or want to see her? I genuinely love this girl so much and before ROCD onset I wanted to see her a lot anyway, but now I’m like, oh..is this bad? But then AVOIDING seeing her seems like “avoidance” which is bad too. So I’m not really sure. I just want to get back to before all this…I want to give myself permission to love her the way I do, without feeling like I’m doing something wrong in terms of “treating” my ocd. Any thoughts welcome, thank you so much for reading — ** (On a side note: for people who get waves of anxiety or spikes of ocd when they’re physically w their partner, how do you handle it? Do you just try to breathe through it but act “normal”? Or do you over share? Or take space?) Thank you all, so grateful for this community. <3

School starts in a week and my ocd is at its worst. I have insufferable intrusive thoughts all the time and I can’t deal with it and whenever it gets too much I just go in my room and isolate. But how am I going to do that when I’m gonna be forced to go to school everyday soon? How am I gonna cope with it??????? Im so scared and I just want my brain to shut off. All I think about now besides from the disgusting intrusive thoughts is giving up. I am too much of a anxious person to take my own life but I pray god everyday that he will take it for me. I used to be a happy person and enjoy living and now all I think about is dying so I don’t have to deal with these intrusive thoughts anymore. I used to love living. Why did this have to happen to me I didn’t do anything wrong I’ve always taken pride in making other people happy and now I have to suffer what did I do to deserve this. I just want it to be over. The worst part is that my intrusive thoughts lately have been about family and now I don’t even have any support systems because my support systems have become my triggers. I can’t deal with this alone.

Is it POCD if I don’t think about sexual things every time/not very often? For example, I’ll just see something that triggers it or even an image in my head and I feel down there reacting, even when I don’t have the thoughts I react. I don’t feel much anxiety because I’ve gotten much better, but I’m still worried. Which makes me scared, am I really a bad person in denial? I’ve also had “down there” be more active than usual, when not even thinking about my obsession which just makes me uncomfortable because I worry that if I feel like that now without any reason, why do I feel like that around certain people? Is it really attraction? Am I in denial? I keep wondering if I’m thinking about stuff I shouldn’t when I can’t even tell and that’s why I’m just so anxious, I really want therapy but I can’t really afford to. Am I self diagnosing just to feel better about being a pedo or is it really ocd? How can I go from hating kids to having such reactions and thoughts.. I’ve always had a lot of issues with overthinking and the average ocd symptom’s but I’m still really concerned

I’m honestly just so tired. Everyday feels like some sort of chore and every time I get up I feel a immense amount of pain and sadness realizing I have to deal with my thoughts today. I don’t want to anymore and everyone keeps telling me it’s temporary but it’s just so painful now. I don’t have any patience for this it’s so awful. I have horrible thoughts all day. I just get so sad remembering how I used to have interest in so many things and love life but now I don’t even feel like living it anymore. It’s so exhausting mentally and even physically. I feel so tired all day now and have no motivation to be around the people I love because I feel like a horrible person. I get terrified and anxious all the time. There’s no end to it. No breaks. No peace. Just this constant suffering that I cannot cope with. I also feel so lost with myself lately. I don’t know who I am anymore. I thought I knew who I was and what I enjoyed doing but I don’t enjoy anything anymore because every waking second I’m tourtured with horrible sexual thoughts that I hate and don’t want anymore. I’m triggered by everything and I’m crawling out of my skin. I hate this. I tried hanging out with my friend today and barely could have a good conversation with her because I was so stressed out and trying not to cry my eyes out just like I do every single day. I can’t even enjoy things that most people find enjoyable . I honestly feel like giving up constantly but I just can’t because I’m praying it will get better. I’m too young for this. Do I really have to deal with this bullshit the rest of my life? I can’t do it.

I am someone that suffers with bad ROCD and I know a lot of you guys are going with the same struggles that I am. Fearing did I fall out of love or not, why am I not longer infatuated with my partner like before, why am I getting anxious around my partner when around them but I am able to accept I love them and not have that anxiety before I see them. Trust me I am going through that rollercoaster and it has been really tough. A person that really been helping me navigate through this has not only been my therapist but a YouTuber called Kiyomi and her channel is called awaken by love. A bit of background about me is I am 19 years old, yes I am young but I am in a healthy and happy relationship with my boyfriend. I realized I was getting all these anxieties and doubts from very early on in my relationship and at first I would think is my boyfriend cheating on me and I would go through the cycle of getting extremely jealous, look through his phone, and question him about people which would cause unnecessary fights. Unfortunately in June I had to get an abortion which my partner was very supportive of and was with me along the way. But a couple weeks after I started developing ROCD and it was scary, it came out of the blue and I didn't understand why. I only experienced in my past toxic relationships and witnessed toxic relationships in my family. Now that I am in an entirely different situation I realized I went through my infatuation stage with my boyfriend which was rougher for me because I deal with bad anxiety, depression alongside discovering I have ROCD so my mind tried to interpret this shift of my comfortability and less excitement of seeing my partner. It doesn't mean I don't miss him when we are not together but I know deep down that I will see him so I no longer get the way I would before. I know I love him with all my heart but my love now shifted into a more mature love which I am getting into. I still get the intrusive thoughts and feelings but it has been helping know in the back of my mind that this infatuated love is turning into a mature love. I still have my up and down moments which has been hard but I am better knowing that no matter what I love my partner and I will not sabotage my relationship with toxic cycles because that was what I was used to. I hope my story could bring some comfort to others and if anybody else would like to share theirs. I am willing to start a zoom for us dealing with ROCD and OCD in general to just help support each other through this time. Just let me know😇

Has anyone with ROCD been feeling numb and the feeling of “I don’t love my partner” is becoming stronger despite you knowing and telling it, it’s not true It’s like I know I love my partner deeply with my whole heart but because of the numbness me absence of the anxiety right now the feeling like I mentioned before is trying to convince me more I don’t And i feel desperate because I know it’s not true and I just want it to go away Because i Iove him a lot and want a future together it’s just these “feelings” are putting me down They began to intensify once I started doing self care for myself and stopped neglecting my usual routine because I went through a deep depression And like now i get worried oh I don’t love him because I didn’t text him right away Can anyone relate to me

Does ROCD try to convince its not ROCD and it’s your real thoughts and feelings even though you know it isn’t?

Hey! So last night I started taking 25mg of Zoloft. And today I feel better! (Thank Heavens) SO FAR, there has been no side effects. Is that normal? Should I brace myself? Is the worst yet to come? Is it just a placebo effect? I’ve had this medicine sitting in my cabinet for a month because I have been scared to take it. Some of the rare side effects is almost too much for my anxiety to handle. The uncertainty of it all is scary. For those who have taken SSRIs/Zoloft before, what was the first 2 weeks like?