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I’m so disappointed in myself right now I didn’t exercise before I ate my breakfast and now OCD is making me miserable and I just want to be happy I hate this!

Help! If you can’t picture yours or your partners body parts and bodies perfectly in your head does that mean you’re picturing someone else’s body or body parts or that you’re turned on over someone else? Please let me know I worry because I would never get off or feel turned on by anyone else but I feel confused when I haven’t pictured something perfectly 100% does it mean what I’m worried about??

Does anyone else feel the need to know their diagnosis and want to find exact explanations for why you feel the way you do or have certain thoughts. I’ve just had one NOCD therapy session so it’s just the beginning portion with assessments and have more this week but I keep having thoughts like “Is this OCD or GAD or something else?” and “What if this actually isn’t OCD?” which leads me to Google the diagnoses and also ask others for reassurance (“Do you think I have OCD?”). Any advice on how to cope with this?

Ugh I am really struggling at the moment. I basically feel completely overwhelmed and sick from anxiety all day and like I’m on the verge of a panic attack. All my energy goes into not having a panic attack or crying or breaking down which is so draining. It’s also worse with going back to school and I’m in year 12 so I have so much work and it’s so hard and I don’t think I’m going to get the grades I want. Normally I would really care about this but I just don’t have the motivation and that in itself scares me because I don’t want to look back on this year and regret not trying harder but it’s just too much. Also one of my closest friends recently cut herself completely out of my group so there is so much drama and it just makes everything 20 times worse because I have to deal with that which feels so petty and insignificant as well as what is happening inside my head which feels so real. One day at a time literally feels like to big of a task even one minute or second does.

I feel so embarrassed in my sessions. I have a nocd therapist and every session she asks what I want to work on and has me come up with an exposure and idk the whole thing feels so embarrassing, i don't want to say the wrong thing or come up with a stupid exposure. I cry after every session because I feel so put on the spot and so embarrassed and I feel like i'm so difficult for her. idk what to do it makes me want to quit therapy all together. ive had good sessions in the past but its so hard to get past the embarrassment every time idk what my problem is.

So in high-school I had a great GPA and life was good but 12th grade is when my ocd kicked in I barely graduated and now I'm in college I bet all can guess how it's going 🙃 and my GPA has plummeted I do the work and go to class but it's never enough especially with ocd constantly ruminating and doing compulsive behaviors the tight anxiety feeling in my chest everyday every morning the times I wished I was dead because of ocd I don't know if I can bounce back from this I f%$#king hate ocd I don't know what to do

How do you deal with ocd and laundry. Sometimes I forget I put laundry detergent in. I fight my ocd and put the clothes in the dryer but then I freak out briefly that I didn’t put detergent in and ruined the dryer. I wish I could have a camera to record me putting detergent in. Also, does anyone battle washing something potentially contaminated with other clothing. What do you tell yourself to get over these irrational thoughts

Anyone have any compulsions they didn't realize were compulsions? I ruled out OCD as a possibility for a long time because I didn't think I had any compulsions, but I'm realizing they can be a lot more subtle than the common examples, like locking doors over and over. I'm slowly discovering many small things I do that could be compulsions (excessively proofreading my posts, ruminating, seeking validation for my feelings in comments sections, etc), and I'd like to hear other people's examples too

Does anyone have any tips for how to make decisions faster and not go back and forth?

Can anyone tell me about their experience ending therapy? I think I want to soon. But I still have bad days sometimes. It’s rare but it happens. But at this point it feels like therapy is a crutch or safety behavior. I rarely have any exposures to do. I still get themes coming in (or trying) - I still check my thoughts. I’m just aware to detach and move on. I still do compulsions or rumination sometimes. But I don’t think I’ll get to perfection and even if it did I don’t know if more therapy is the answer. Feels like I need to let it all go. And exist without thinking too much about OCD anymore. Just curious!

My partner is away this week. What’s more, my period is coming up and my ocd always gets worse because of hormones. Even in the best of circumstances, I deal with feelings of loneliness and intrusive thoughts about loneliness, being a bad friend and being a bad person. I have friends, some lifelong ones even, but I never quite feel whole. Or like it’s enough. Or if I feel good while hanging out, the loneliness creeps in after I leave the hang and ocd tells me to review everything I said (I have gotten better at resisting this compulsion). The hard thing is that this loneliness makes it harder to reach out to friends or even strike up conversations with random people I might see in my day to day. Ocd tells me terrible things when I feel lonely and it’s hard to not believe those terrible things. Anyone else go through this? Any tips on exposures? I’ve reached out to two close friends just letting them know I feel down. I booked an extra therapy appt just because the feelings are intense and my partner is away. I was planning to go to a support group if the timing works out. Just feels really hard to do anything, like a big slog, but I’m just kind of dragging myself along. Thanks for reading.

Hi, I’m Cede. I am 15 years old and I’m greatly concerned if I have OCD. I do so many things that relate to others with OCD, and find myself constantly matching symptoms of it. But I feel like if I bring this up to my mother she will tell me I’m making it all up in my head, or say something stupid like “it’s because of that darn phone” I was hoping to find people here who do have OCD and see what their thoughts are. And hopefully find my answer. These things have been happening as long as I can remember. They started out as a few things but now they’re building and getting worse. Stuff I do that I believe is OCD related: -When I was younger and believed in good and praying, I would have to triple check I prayed for all my family and friends. Or I thought they would die. I would panic every night. (Age 4-9?) -When praying I would also pray that specific things wouldn’t happen to me. Ex: “dear god, please don’t let me get kidnapped tomorrow” -I got into a car crash when I was younger while I was asleep, ever ever since then I wouldn’t allow myself to fall asleep because I thought me sleeping caused us to crash -I would (still do) see the spray paint on cement and imagine if the line extended. I would have to avoid those spots or I’d feel panicked or think a bad thing was soon to come -I skip count by 2’s, 5’s, and 10’s when anxious, or something like it. -I have to hold my breath while crossing the street because I think something bad will happen if I breathe before I’m across -I have to run half way across a street before a certain light changes otherwise I’m convinced Doom is released upon me -I will randomly feel dirty in my body. Typically my hands. I will wash and wash them till the “bad” is gone. -I have the habit of over showering because I feel like when I sleep “bad” is layered all over me and showering will get it off -when making a timer for something it needs to only be “good” numbers (minutes) with a “good”number for the seconds. Ex: 11 min and 44 seconds -Numbers, Colors, Letters, and shapes all are split into feeling “good” or “bad” ex: 6 is very bad. It’s like a dirty feeling almost -I refuse to go into stores that feel “bad” or “dirty”. Like the AIR feels dirty to me, even if I know it’s clean -If I push my bedroom door shut before it closes I need to run to a carpet and stand on only my right leg or get to my stairs or I feel like something bad will happen -I will rewrite a letter or something till it feels it’s done “just right” -when walking on tiles I can’t step on lines. But also I don’t like how they’re spaced. My right foot is always stepping on one part of them and my left on another. It’s not fairly balanced. And that causes me to rewalk or step there again. And it causes me to panic and sometimes tear up. -if I only get one hand wet I need to get the other just as wet before drying them off or I can’t leave the place I’m in. -if one nail breaks on one hand ex:pointer on right, I need to cut the other one down to that length as well. Or I can’t function -when I’m sick I convince myself I’m going to die in my sleep (I’m literally sick rn and refusing to go to bed because I’m convinced my family will find me dead) -I have asthma and I sometimes think it gets so bad I’ll want to write “I love you” notes to my family because I’m going to die from not breathing in my sleep -I think I forgot something so I have to check it a few times to make sure I have it or done something -I won’t take medication unless my mother gets it for me, because I think I’ll accidentally over dose. And sometimes I’ll be worried to take it even from her (Tw for these because they’re intrusive thoughts) -I’ll be looking at my dog or a little kid and have the most vivid and violent visions of them. Ex: I will see myself bashing my dogs brain with my foot -I will have intrusive thoughts if me specializing myself to older adults, even family. Like guys. I don’t even want to give an example because it’s disgusting.. -I’ll get intrusive thoughts of me unaliving myself and writing su’cide letters to people -I will get an intrusive thought of me taking too much medication There’s still so much, but I’m sick and tired. If anyone who has OCD can let me know if it sounds like I have it please tell me. I want to figure this out. Have a good day! -Cd

so today i had to give my manager my notice that i will be leaving the job because my second job is moving me to assistant manager starting so soon. i feel terrible that i let them all down and now that everyone hates me, that i hurt them, and that they’re going to look bad at me and im a fuck up. i just feel like my OCD is making it bigger and i can’t stop ruminating on this and when i think more and more about it it cause me anxiety. is this normal and does anyone else feel this way.

I'll be 31 this year and I'm such a complete failure as a human being. I just had a breakdown over doing dishes. I have four specific cups that I use and normally I try to wash all of them at once, it really reassures me knowing I have three backup cups in case the one I'm using gets "dirty". Lately, though, I've only been able to wash one at a time and that causes a lot of stress only having one usable cup because if it gets dirty I have to spend the next half hour washing it, my hands, etc. Well tonight my cup got "dirty" and I thought everyone was asleep so I thought I'd try to wash them all. I don't like doing it when people are awake because it takes so long, I have to do it in a specific way and I'm embarrassed by it all. So I started and I was really struggling. I kept having to rewash and rewash because the bubbles just wouldn't go away and then my mom came into the kitchen and we were talking. My anxiety spiked because I was afraid she'd mention how long I'm taking or try to rearrange my cups or touch my arm and I just felt like a horrible person thinking these tboughts when all she's doing is talking to me but it just makes an already really stressful situation even more so. Then she left. I got two done, so I was half way through and then I thought the next cup was clean and I put it into the stack of clean ones but then I noticed it still had bubbles and now I had to start all the way over again. I wanted to cry and I thought I was going to have a panic attack. I just wanted to be done and get something to drink and lay down. I tried starting over but my mom came back and I just couldn't deal with it so I quit and she smiled at me and said "finally done?" She knows and tries to understand how much I struggle and tries her best to help me and I love her so much for that and I'm so awful for feeling more anxious around her and having thoughts of just wanting to be left alone. She looked so proud of me, thinking I finally got done with my stupid little task and I just couldn't handle knowing how much of a disappointment I am and I started crying. She hugged me and offered to clean my cups for me and I wish I could let her but I can't. My OCD won't let me. Only I can clean my cups. My OCD isolates me and makes me feel so alone. I need help but I can't have any. And just facing the realization that I'm having a breakdown at 1am in the kitchen over not being able to clean cups properly just made me want to die so bad. Every little victory I have doesn't mean anything because I'll never get better. I lost so much time, I'm old and I don't know how to be an adult or take care of myself and I don't know what to do anymore. I hate myself.

Hello guys👋. I am a newbie here. Hope you are all doing well in the journey with OCD. Currently, I am studying biology stream (Chemistry, Physics & Biology). although I am curious sometimes the complexity of some subjects makes my mind blank. sometimes I am also unable to concentrate for long hours. And stressing too much on little details. I am an Investigative and Artistic type of person. I also value Creativity and independence. Many times I question myself, am I on the right track? I would like to know, What are your college majors or careers? How do these affect the quality of your life?

I’ve always had a feeling of having OCD but I’ve never been sure. I’m a teenager, and I’m hoping people on this app can help me try to figure out if I have OCD or I’m just crazy. Starting off with these terrible thoughts I have all the time. Someone can come home late and I immediately think they got into a car wreck, and check my phone for recent car crashes and other thing etc. etc. number 2, I always have intrusive thoughts, terrible ones ever since I was a kid I can’t control. I immediately feel like thinking these will lead god to hate me, and that he made an imperfection on me. And every time I try to hide these thoughts away, like right now they’re coming out I just can’t stop thinking of them and it’s so hard to do anything. Just thoughts like, “you hate your mom” or, “you hate god” and stuff that scares me like spiders. It’s hard to do anything with these thoughts. I’m also a major perfectionist, if anything is out of order I freak out. Yes, my room is messy. But I feel a sense of incompleteness and anxiety if I don’t empty the dishwasher, or don’t clean dirty dishes around the sink. These are recent and I feel like God will punish me for committing the sin of laziness. I also have a thing with the number 5, when I touch something it needs to be 5 times and if it’s not 5 times I freak out. I’m also terrified of getting sick, every time my friend is sick I freak out and don’t get near them the entire day, constantly washing my hands. Writing this is triggering a lot of my terrible thoughts and I don’t want to continue writing. Please let me know your thoughts, mental illness runs in my family but my mom is constantly telling me there’s nothing wrong with me. Maybe she’s right.

Today my friend was texting me about her sleep disorder and I felt bad because I literally had nothing to say about it, but I didn’t wanna come off as a bitch so I just told her that it’s not her fault that she feels that way and I asked her if there was any medicine that could help. Then because I didn’t have empathy in that moment, I am worried that the only reason why I show people care and try to do nice things for people is because I want to be seen as a good person. Think it was because I’ve been through a lot of stuff and I would never wanna make anyone feel how my mom made me feel but now not so sure.

I used to have big dreams of being a professional dancer in NYC. It didn’t really matter to me what style. I danced for about nine years, ages 9-17 (almost 18). Nearly half of those years were competitive, with around 2-3 classes a day, 4 days a week. I wasn’t the best in my class considering 9-10 is still pretty late to start dance. I had thicker thighs and flat feet, but I worked my absolute ass off to try and make that dream happen. I did ballet, pointe, contemporary/modern, jazz, and hip hop. I think I was too afraid to go all in when it came time to graduate. I didn’t have the best home life, so I was desperate to leave my dad’s house ASAP. Dancing was put aside while I ended up going to cosmetology school and briefly becoming an esthetician as a way to support myself enough to leave home at 18. I always thought I could come back to dance later, that I could still make my dreams come true in some capacity. From 18-20, I worked as an esthetician for 12 hours a day, 4 days a week. I did some ballet classes here and there, but not nearly enough to maintain what I’d learned throughout the years. Even with 3 days off, I was burned out and exhausted. I wanted to do fun young people things. I moved in with my girlfriend. My mental health started suffering. Then Covid hit. From 20-22 got comfortable with the isolation and staying home that Covid brought. I didn’t know about online dance classes or anything then. Then from 22-24, even though lockdowns were lifted, my mental health was at an all time low. Constant obsessing, ruminating, reassurance seeking, finding new reasons to hate myself. Hundreds of days just lost to Google. I wasn’t even thinking about dance. I accepted that I failed. And now I’m 24. I will be 25 in July. I’m employed part time as a pet caretaker, and it has hit me that I threw away the one thing that I was truly passionate about. My childhood dream. It’s been nearly 7 years since I danced on a stage. I live in NYC, just like little me wanted. I have just signed up for some low level ballet classes. But all I ever wanted was to be a professional dancer, and now that will never happen because 24 is “too old” to start as a professional. Even though I have about 9 years of experience, I wasn’t the best in my class. I was always behind. But I put my entire heart and soul into it because I knew in my heart it’s what I wanted. I know I can still dance for fun, but that isn’t really what I want. I want to perform onstage. I want people to see me. I want to be talented and recognized. But I threw that all away for the chance to get away from my parents and stew in my mental illness. I have been ruminating all day. I wish I could make my dream come true. But I feel like I just need to accept that it won’t happen no matter how hard I try. I’m nearly retirement age in dance years. There is really no other career I want. I just want to cry. Sorry for the rant. Don’t give up on your dreams please. Don’t be like me.

I mean like we believe in the devil and demons, then you hear that others on social media talks about ocd being a demon possession, or any mental illness being a demon, and if you believe that and it helps you, do it, but this makes me more paranoid. I just let my tiktok algoritm become more christian but then it ended up being this "we call everything a sin and a demon" type of videos which made me question if im really a good person and saved, and now im even afraid of demons, that they are attacking me and thats why im dealing with fear, and it just scares me, it became so bad that i start to get paranoid like im sure you experienced that when you think youve seen something in the corner of your eye, like something moved, and this just worsenes the fear... i know im dealing with fear but you know my mind still makes up shit... As a christian its really hard to deal with ocd, cause we do believe in demons but we cant view mental illness as possession, it just doesnt help, and i got to a point where i started questioning everything i hear about the bible and then i realized maybe its not a good thing tho, so i started to learn about things and now im back at fearing demons and that i have a demon or i can be posessed in the future. Same with sins, legalist people made me angry so i just ignored everything they said but then i realized maybe its egoistic to think everything they say its just legalism, and i went back learning about it and now im having this legalist/is this a sin or not problem. It feels like im on a spiral, i always come back to fear demons and fear that what i do is actually a sin and i live a sinful life

My current therapist doesn't do erp and my syntoms aren't getting better, so I would like to change. I live in Italy and I struggle finding somebody who does erp. I've found a therapist but I'm scared she will not do erp properly and it will lead to nothing even this time. A part of me would love to try therapy with NOCD, however: - I don't know if therapy in a foreign language would be very effective - it's kinda expensive without insurance If somebody has tried it, would you like to share your experience with me? Thanks!! P.S: I'm really struggling making a decision but at the same time I'm afraid this could be part of "obsessing about obssesing"🫠 Like maybe I'm compulsively seeking therapy... but I just want to get better ugh