Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I literally hate being at school so much I’m so fat and ugly and my hair looks bad already even tho I blow it out and ppl probably look at me and think I’m embarrassing myself for trying

Just prayed the rosary for the first time for someone i know is sick and i'm scared i did something wrong and Virgin Mary/God/Jesus is frowning upon me. How can i feel i did it right? I'm trying to learn how to pray because i didn't grow up in a religious home and i'm scared not that my prayers won't be answered but that i'm offending God. Usually i just pray alone and talk to God and Jesus or the Virgin Mary, so now that i'm following a script and I had to read the prayers while saying them cuz i don't know them by heart (yet, Hail Mary has been engraved after this rosary) that i'm doing it all wrong and offending Him and just not doing a right prayer. Please help, and thank you all <3

I found out more information about my husbands past and my brain is like what if you can’t handle it. What if you never loved him. And it keeps picking out flaws about him. My brain keeps trying to get the connection back but I’m very dissociated. I try to not do mental compulsions. But I feel like everything I’ve done is compulsive all my life. This is the hardest crash I’ve had with OCD in 15 years. I found out info after we got married that wasn’t a dealbreaker at all. But it went against my irrational beliefs I guess you could say. But I try to explain OCD to my husband and it’s hard to just “get over” stuff. He is a great person and kind and I know that editing the relationship the retroactive jealously and same things would apply. This only happens when I get really close to somebody. And ocd wants perfection. How have people gotten over this with very severe ocd with legit every theme? Especially with no emotions and constant anxiety. I also don’t work or anything. OCD has crippled me. But this is the worst theme I’ve had in a long time and it hit me 2 weeks ago. The thoughts keep looping in my head and all I feel is anxiety. I don’t want to hurt our relationship. I am feeling really guilty about myself too. And trying to run towards the anxiety. But it’s all consuming. 24/7. Plus other life stressors. I try to distract and I try to do other things. But I’m not even here. This isn’t his fault at all and it’s an internal battle. I also have shit self esteem. I confessed some of the thoughts to him even. Which is a no no. 😞

So my dad is a pretty emotionally unavailable man, and I am a very very emotional person. He messaged me today and told me that his dog passed away today and that he had a heartbreaking past few days. I, of course, became very emotional and sent him a long message expressing my sorrow and apologies. I highlighted what a good dog dad he was and how lucky his pup was to have him. He said thank you and reiterated that it's been really hard. His messages were short, just one sentence each. He rarely expresses himself or becomes emotional, but since he said that he had a heartbreaking few days and that it's been hard, I took it upon myself to open up to him and say more things that I found kind and comforting, as well as tell him how much I love him and how I'll always be here if he needs to talk. I feel like I messed up though. After his first message, I sent one that was about a paragraph long. After his second one, I got the feeling that he was in deep pain and I wanted to comfort him as much as I could. So I sent him another long message back. I said some things about how the more you love someone, the harder it is to lose them. I said that she was obvioysly very very loved (and I was insinuating that it was understandable to be fully devestated due to the level of love he had for her). I talked about what a happy girl she was, and how you could always see the love and gratitude in her eyes. She was rescued from a breeding situation, and you could genuinely feel the love radiate off of that dog. I talked about how obvious it was that she loved him and my stepmom more than anything in the world. He never messaged me back and I think he went to sleep (he goes to bed pretty early). And now I'm freaking out about sending such long messages in response to his short albiet heartbreaking ones. He's not an emotional man, and I feel selfish for getting so emotional and saying so many things about their bond. I don't want to upset him more. I was trying to say what I would want someone to say to me in the same situation, but now I feel stupid because we are very different people and I'm afraid I got too emotional. I just wanted to comfort him as much as I could without him needing to ask for it, but I feel like I overstepped and maybe he messaged me this more to let me know the situation rather than ask for comfort. I'm especially afraid and ashamed of saying "the more you love, the more it hurts. And she was a very, very loved girl". I'm afraid he's going to take this as infanilizing him or acting like I know more about grief and death than he does. Because obviously he knows the more you love someone the harder it is to lose them. So idk why I said that. I just wanted to be as comforting as I could because I'm so far away and I can't be there for him in person. I want him to know how much I understand his pain (I have a very senior cat that I have already mourned greatly multiple times), but now I feel like I stupidly overstepped or talked down to him about something that I'm sure he knows all too well. I'm not sure if he's seen the message. I really want to unsend it, but my girlfriend thinks I shouldn't. She says it was kind and sweet, but I feel like maybe it was too much and too infantilizing for such a stoic man. So I'm stuck on what to do in regards to that. I just feel selfish and stupid for sending those messages when I was crying and emotional myself. They were genuine but I feel like they come off incredibly cringey. I type as though he lost a human companion, but that's because I view animal companionship as equal to human companionship. To me, there is little difference in losing a beloved animal friend and a human friend. But maybe he doesn't feel that way and my messages come off as "too much". Idk. I can't calm down or stop ruminating over this. I just did what I thought was right, but now I'm not so sure. I have a touch of trauma from his lifelong emotional withdrawal, and it makes me terrified to be genuine with him out of fear of being perceived as weak, stupid, or "too much". I don't want to drive him away with my emotional-ness. Idk whether to unsend the second message or not. I could really use some advice. How do you handle comforting an emotionally unavailable parent that you love, especially when OCD makes you ruminate about the wording of everything you say?

Hi all! Im unsure if this is related to my perfectionism ocd or just insecurity but I wanted to ask for advice if anyone is able to give any! Sorry if this is an inappropriate use of the community space if this doesn’t end up being ocd related. (also sorry for the long rant ahead) For context, I’m an art University student and I’ve been working with a specific client during school breaks for years who I’ve built a relationship with. I was unable to take on a project of hers because of other responsibilities, and they asked if I had any recommendations for an artist they could work with on the project. I sent them the contact information of one of my friends who is a very talented illustrator. This other illustrator I have worked with before and they’re super skilled, and in multiple situations they’ve completed projects people have loved, where similar projects of my own people have dismissed or disliked. Im worried that by sending their contact information, my client will no longer want to work with me ever and I’ve just ruined my career because my art isn’t as “good” as theirs. Ive been shaking and on the verge of tears since I sent the message a couple hours ago and super anxious that my life is ruined, even though part of me knows that I’m overreacting and I will work with the client again. I feel like throwing up and like i should redo every drawing in my current project to make everything more “perfect” although I’m unsure how to do that. This is not the first time I’ve felt this insecurity. Although I pride myself on loving the learning process and taking critique well, I completely fold when it comes to comparing myself to my peers, and this insane perfectionism kicks in where I feel like I need to redo everything until its perfect (the worst time was when I redid a project 20 times for a class.) I dont know if this is OCD or not, but its messing with my head and I really want to make sure I dont lose my love of art over this weird comparison habit. And I really dont want to lose my client or ruin my career over this recommendation. Sorry for the long rant. If anyone has advice I’d appreciate it so much, and I hope everyone is having a good day! If not, I hope it gets better, and I hope you can find safety in your own mind, even if its just for a minute or two. I’m so glad this space exists for people to talk.

I keep putting myself out there and trying things that are important to me like making would you rather youtube videos and videos about OCD but I keep failing. It’s like no one cares. I have felt like this my whole life. It’s so hard to keep trying but my non OCD brain is extremely optimistic so I keep going. I feel like it’s better to try and fail than never have tried but I also feel like maybe I’m wasting my time. Thoughts? But no reassurance. Thanks loves

I’ve had physical compulsions on and off throughout my life. And rumination while not physical comes right along with it. Recently my brain has latched on to reassurance seeking. And it makes work horrible. I constantly feel the need to seek reassurance or validation from my boss or my coworkers or friends. I feel constantly judged and hyper analyze everything someone says to me or every interaction I have. I go home after work and run over all the times I spoke to or interacted with someone that day and I’m critical of how I presented myself, how I was perceived, what I said or didn’t say. I then go back the next day not only wanting to seek reassurance but also thinking I need to over explain myself to prevent any kind of damaging misunderstanding or miscommunication that would make them think poorly of me. Is this a common thing? It’s been the worst thing to go through as of late, my checking and things has gone down but this mental stuff is a whole new beast. How do you guys handle this kind of thing at work or at school?

Hi everyone. I’m having a spiral and really need advice. Today I went shopping and saw an actor I have been watching since I was a child. I used to watch this particular show ten years ago and since my ocd got worse I went back and started watching the show again for the last few months. Anyways I saw the actor and got a picture and everything was fine. I’ve come home and my mind is working overtime trying to ruin it. I keep having intrusive thoughts that someone recorded me and I looked bad and now they will embarrass me . Or I walked off awkwardly. Or the actor didn’t want a picture and I disturbed him. Or my clothes looked weird. Please can someone convince me otherwise. I realise I can’t even watch the show tonight as it’s making me panic 😭

Hiiii, I’m Sara 💖 and I have Severe OCD 🧠, Severe Excoriation Disorder ✋, ADHD ⚡, GAD 😰, and Major Depressive Disorder 🌧️. I love using emojis if you haven’t noticed lol. To keep this as straightforward as possible I want to focus on the OCD and dermatillomania part today. I hope this can help some people 💬 and maybe give others a better understanding of what it’s like to live with these two issues! ☺️ I have always struggled with skin picking, especially on my face 😔, and it has made my acne worse and caused scarring. 🤕 I did not realize until my therapist told me that it can be connected to OCD. Sometimes I do not even notice I am doing it, and other times I am aware but cannot stop. 😓 For me, the OCD side is often tied to perfectionism or needing that just right feeling. 🫠 From thoroughly washing my face and hands, overusing or meticulously applying products to make sure the “ritual” is done perfectly takes both time and money. To having picking episodes which causes scars to heal slower⏳ and to also leave me with a “pepperoni face” 🍕 from all the red and raw wounds or with widespread hyperpigmentation that lingers for months. Oof 😅 ERP IS A LIFE SAVER!!! 🛟 Addressing that OCD pattern is a big part of ERP, Exposure and Response Prevention 🚪. ERP helps you face the discomfort without picking or fixing, so over time your brain learns the urge does not need to be acted on. 😤 Behold~ another technique, HRT! Habit Reversal Training can still be part of treatment, but timing matters ⏰. If OCD is the main driver, starting HRT too early, especially if it leans on avoiding triggers, can unintentionally strengthen the OCD cycle 🔄. That is why ERP often comes first, and HRT is added later once the compulsion has weakened. 🤗 Skincare time! Oooo la la la 🤭 For wound care 🩹, I keep it simple. When the skin is still open, I use a gentle cleanser 🫧, a moisturizer 💧, and Aquaphor directly on the wound, then keep it covered to protect it from bacteria 🦠 and UV exposure 🌞. Once the wound has closed and turned pink 🌸, I use a gentle cleanser, a moisturizer, a scar cream, and SPF daily to prevent discoloration and help the scar fade. Fidget toys 🪀 do not work for everyone (Ik people who love it 😍), but ERP paired with steady skin care has made the biggest difference for me ✨. If possible, I recommend seeing a dermatologist 🩺 to help heal your skin and give you tools for long term care, and ask directly if they understand skin picking and OCD and will keep that diagnosis in mind while treating you. Progress is absolutely not linear 📉📈. You will have times when you pick or have an episode, even when your skin has been looking great. 😥 That does not mean failure ❌. In OCD, compulsions are rewarded in the moment because anxiety drops after you do them, so the brain learns that the behavior works 🤥. ERP builds new learning that competes with the old habit rather than erasing it, which means stress, hormones, sleep loss, or strong cues can still light up the old pathway at times ⚡. The goal of therapy and strategies is not to create a life with zero urges 🚫, but to help you navigate 🧭 life with OCD by reducing how often urges show up, how intense they feel, and how quickly you recover when they happen. Most important part EVERR 😮‍💨🥰 The most important part of this process is practicing self compassion 💕 and remembering that no one is perfect 🌼. Every lapse is information you can use for the next step forward! 🫂 Thanks for listening to my Ted talk! 😄 (edited)

Hiiii, I’m Sara 💖 and I have Severe OCD 🧠, Severe Excoriation Disorder ✋, ADHD ⚡, GAD 😰, and Major Depressive Disorder 🌧️. I love using emojis if you haven’t noticed lol. To keep this as straightforward as possible I want to focus on the OCD and dermatillomania part today. I hope this can help some people 💬 and maybe give others a better understanding of what it’s like to live with these two issues! ☺️ I have always struggled with skin picking, especially on my face 😔, and it has made my acne worse and caused scarring. 🤕 I did not realize until my therapist told me that it can be connected to OCD. Sometimes I do not even notice I am doing it, and other times I am aware but cannot stop. 😓 For me, the OCD side is often tied to perfectionism or needing that just right feeling. 🫠 From thoroughly washing my face and hands, overusing or meticulously applying products to make sure the “ritual” is done perfectly takes both time and money. To having picking episodes which causes scars to heal slower⏳ and to also leave me with a “pepperoni face” 🍕 from all the red and raw wounds or with widespread hyperpigmentation that lingers for months. Oof 😅 ERP IS A LIFE SAVER!!! 🛟 Addressing that OCD pattern is a big part of ERP, Exposure and Response Prevention 🚪. ERP helps you face the discomfort without picking or fixing, so over time your brain learns the urge does not need to be acted on. 😤 Behold~ another technique, HRT! Habit Reversal Training can still be part of treatment, but timing matters ⏰. If OCD is the main driver, starting HRT too early, especially if it leans on avoiding triggers, can unintentionally strengthen the OCD cycle 🔄. That is why ERP often comes first, and HRT is added later once the compulsion has weakened. 🤗 Skincare time! Oooo la la la 🤭 For wound care 🩹, I keep it simple. When the skin is still open, I use a gentle cleanser 🫧, a moisturizer 💧, and Aquaphor directly on the wound, then keep it covered to protect it from bacteria 🦠 and UV exposure 🌞. Once the wound has closed and turned pink 🌸, I use a gentle cleanser, a moisturizer, a scar cream, and SPF daily to prevent discoloration and help the scar fade. Fidget toys 🪀 do not work for everyone (Ik people who love it 😍), but ERP paired with steady skin care has made the biggest difference for me ✨. If possible, I recommend seeing a dermatologist 🩺 to help heal your skin and give you tools for long term care, and ask directly if they understand skin picking and OCD and will keep that diagnosis in mind while treating you. Progress is absolutely not linear 📉📈. You will have times when you pick or have an episode, even when your skin has been looking great. 😥 That does not mean failure ❌. In OCD, compulsions are rewarded in the moment because anxiety drops after you do them, so the brain learns that the behavior works 🤥. ERP builds new learning that competes with the old habit rather than erasing it, which means stress, hormones, sleep loss, or strong cues can still light up the old pathway at times ⚡. The goal of therapy and strategies is not to create a life with zero urges 🚫, but to help you navigate 🧭 life with OCD by reducing how often urges show up, how intense they feel, and how quickly you recover when they happen. Most important part EVERR 😮‍💨🥰 The most important part of this process is practicing self compassion 💕 and remembering that no one is perfect 🌼. Every lapse is information you can use for the next step forward! 🫂 Thanks for listening to my Ted talk! 😄 (edited) (edited)

Idk how to caption it other than that. My whole life I’ve had an issue with memory hoarding and the upside has been that I have a really vivid memories of my childhood and I get to remember my best days, the main downside has always been I have a lot of childhood trauma too and I remember every detail meticulously like I can relive and reanalyze them which has caused issues in my healing. However as much pain as it is to remember bad things so well it’s always been a bit of a comfort bc at least I know for sure even if other people don’t know or don’t believe. But as of lately I I’ve been forgetting things, whether it’s what time I’m supposed to work (and I have compulsions when checking my work schedule bc I’m always scared of reading it wrong so I usually open it up read it close it and open it up again 2-3 times so I usually KNOW) or what day it is, or just small things that I don’t remember saying or doing that other people swear on. I just have always felt like I know at the very least I know and lately I don’t and I’m so scared of going crazy and losing myself like literally my biggest fear. So I hate this. Today is Friday I was convinced yesterday was Friday and I woke up today for my Saturday shift completely convinced today was Saturday. I hate being wrong and making those small mistakes because it’s terrifying to think about what else I’m remembering wrong, or what else do I not “know” that isn’t actually the truth? I’m just so scared of losing myself mind. Has anyone ever experienced anything like this?

Hi everyone! I just want to share that I’m having a really hard day, selfishly, to feel better. But some of you might relate to it. I’ve been obsessing about my looks and body image. I feel soo ugly, like almost deformed, “abnormal, ill” looking. Like I have never seen anyone that looked as ugly as me. And I spend hours checking myself and doing skincare and using face sculpting tools compulsively. I also feel VERY very alone partially due to this being isolating but also just being back at my (abusive) parents home for the summer. I feel very empty today like nothing makes me excited or matters. I feel like a disgusting, awkward, incapable, undeserving little creature. Like everybody else on this world is in a group chat,and im the only one left out lol. I went shopping today to feel something and ended up compulsively buying stuff and shocker, now im feeling 10x worse, more empty. But I am also stressed about the money and feel extremely guilty. I feel worthless. I guess i should just let me feel the emptiness and feelings that come up without trying to distract myself with something all the time. So yeah thats where I’m at today.

(Please don’t be rude to me if you do reply. I know I could’ve handled it better) So my sister and I recently got into an argument, and I haven’t been able to stop obsessing over it. I still don’t know if I should apologize or just let it go. The argument started over me needing to wash some clothes. She told me they were already clean, but I explained they weren’t. They’re my clothes, and I know when they need to be washed. She pushed back and said I didn’t need to, and when I asked how it affected her, she said doing laundry costs her money. That was the first time I heard laundry being a problem. I offered to send her money for it, but she said no and told me I couldn’t wash my clothes at her house anymore and that I’d have to wait until I get to college. For context, I don’t have a car, I’m 18, and I’m temporarily staying with her because of a difficult home situation. Which gives me nowhere else to wash my clothes. I got frustrated because this wasn’t the first time she’s changed her mind after saying yes to something. I know she has every right to set boundaries in her home, but I just wish she had said something earlier instead of switching up at the last minute. It felt sudden and harsh. Part of the frustration comes from our dynamic. My sister can be very controlling. She likes things done her way, and sometimes it feels like she says no just because she can. For example A little while ago, my sister offered to pay me to complete three tasks after I quit my job. I agreed and started on them, but midway through she changed her mind and said she’d only pay me for one. I get that she might’ve had her own reasons, but it still affected me, especially since I was relying on that money. For that reason in the moment, I felt like I had to stand up for myself. But now I’m looking back and realizing she really didn’t owe me anything, even if I didn’t agree with how it was handled. Later on, my brother told me, “They don’t owe you an explanation. It’s their house.” And while I know that’s technically true, hearing that really stung. I grew up in an environment where I was constantly told “don’t ask questions” or “you don’t need to know,” so now when people say things like that, it hits hard. It brings back that feeling of being shut out or disregarded. I also found out after the argument from someone else that my sister and her husband had been annoyed about how often I was doing laundry and thought it might’ve been OCD-related. It’s not. I just don’t have many clothes here, so I wash when I run out. They never told me directly. They only mentioned it to my mom and brother, so I had no idea it was even a problem. If I’d known, I would’ve figured something else out with my clothes…but instead my sister blew up on me causing a drawn out argument where I genuinely thought she was being her usual controlling bossy self just because she can. I’m not trying to be entitled. I know I’m staying here for free, and I genuinely appreciate it. I just wish people understood that communication isn’t about owing someone anything. It’s about respect. If someone expects something, and you say yes multiple times, and then suddenly say no at the last minute, it’s hard not to feel hurt or caught off guard. I’ve been replaying this whole thing in my head nonstop. I don’t want to keep obsessing over situations like this. Ik that no one is right in a misunderstanding it’s just about perspective…but as I continue to replay it in my head I just sound so entitled. I was just frustrated because my sister always finds something to push me around about I misread the situation and escalated it. In reality I was racking up the bills and in reality they didn’t need to tell me that (which they didn’t) I was just supposed to walk away and accept the no. I just hate being the “bad guy” in situations. My sister told my brother in law and I’m pretty sure they’re both annoyed with me being here. (I’m not trying to be a victim that’s just the vibe I’m getting) I want to learn how to let things go without letting them take over my mind. If anyone relates or has advice, I’d appreciate it.

I don't even know why this suddenly started upsetting me when I've been doing it for months, but it's triggering my OCD so badly now. I feel like crying. I do creative writing and it's my haven, my safe place, my favorite thing to do. I write fanfictions and write about things that are important to me and it's helped so much. For a few months, I've been using DeepSeek AI to help give me feedback. I show my work every 1000 words in and then it gives me bullet points that I'll show a screenshot for. After it gives it critiques, I go back and manually fix everything; edit sentences, add more pacing, remove stuff when I feel like it was going on too long, etc. It helped a lot with seeing mistakes I didn't notice before, but my writing wouldn't change that much with or without it since I just use it for help proofreading when I'm done with a large chunk and just need to edit. For whatever reason, I feel this horrendous guilt for using this tool-- like I'm cheating or not a real writer. It feels terrible because I write everything myself and it gives feedback like a friend or teacher, but I feel so terrible. I think it's because a lot of people on Tik Tok or social media would judge me, even though my online friends love my writing and think that I'm overthinking this a lot. I can't write without feeling guilty or like I need to confess the whole process so people know that I write everything myself and I'm not using it to write anything for me. I'm scared people will assume I'm lying. I never worried about this before I started seeing so much stuff on social media. I just want my favorite hobby back :( (note: the story was about a boyfriend comforting his trans boyfriend through his period)

When did you get diagnosed and what was the reason you knew that wasn't,,normal,, behavior and how did you handle the diagnosed and felt after you got it? I got diagnosed with I think 12/13? And it's bcuz I would arrange tables and my mum found it annoying. But for me the diagnosed was somehow relieving bcuz I knew I wasn't a freak ,but on the other hand I was sad getting the diagnosed bcuz it was written on paper that I am mentally ill

i am 18 years old and a couppe days ago i posted about the state of my house (cat pee, cat throw up, grime, dirt, etc everywhere), and how my parents dont clean/are used to living this way. im trying to clean the kitchen, i was cleaning it and cleaned majority of the counters, the stove, the dishwasher, now my clothes have a faint cat pee smell, the house is basically drenched in cat pee. i feel stuck and really isolated, i hate living here but at the same time, its my fault too for not cleaning. it is just hard for me to clean, i dont know why, and the house has been this way since 2023-2024 or so. idk what to do and i feel so alone, i wish my mom would help. idk what my girlfriend would think if she knew the state of my house

I have OCD and C-PTSD and so sometimes having a different opinion makes me feel like I'm automatically wrong or like I'm a bad person for thinking differently. I feel like this is esepecially true with social media and Tik Tok when you see other people's opinions from a lot of different perspectives and people get labeled at a bad person by strangers who don't know them. I don't want to feel like a bad person for having a different opinion than friends and/or the internet. I mostly think the same as them in a lot of different ways, but one or two things I think differently (examples of my thoughts I see are different sometimes: I think people can change but that doesn't excuse their actions and they should get therapy; I don't think all AI is bad, it just needs better regulation and shouldn't be used to replace people, I think it can be a helpful tool; I think just because someone uploads something that's considered "weird" on a public site (like cosplay, or a fashion choice, or etc) doesn't make it okay to make a video about them and making fun of them or be mean (like the teen/child who did the "bad" red lobster cover)) How do I learn to be okay with having different opinions than other people?

I have been diagnosed with OCD by a therapist on NOCD for about 4 years now. I went through therapy here and I was officially diagnosed. My mom knows about the diagnosis because I’ve pretty much told her all my struggles and unfortunately confessed a lot of what I was dealing with in the past. She was not understanding at first and told me there was no way I could have OCD that I don’t “clean and organize” like people she has worked with before or been around. I told her that I wanted to go through therapy at the time and she said no and really said some mean and hateful things. Eventually though she did start becoming understanding but not in the way you would think. My mom isn’t exactly emotionally supportive. So talking to her about everything was really hard to go through. Well getting into what’s bothering me….in the past I have thought maybe there was a possibility that I could have autism. I’ve seen people on TikTok talk about it and what they have experienced and it was similar to me but I pushed it aside and never talked about it with anyone. I do struggle with “misophonia” and my mom is also aware of that even though she doesn’t believe in it either and that I’m just “misdiagnosing” myself. Well today she randomly says “There’s a video I watched earlier that I think you should see. I think you have autism. I don’t think you have OCD. You were misdiagnosed and it’s your trauma that is making you think you have OCD.” And it really hit me the wrong way and was quite triggering. The things that I have put in my head and all the hate towards myself before I was diagnosed came back because I was starting to second guess myself. I told her you can have OCD and autism at the same time. There’s no way for me to know unless I’m diagnosed and she said you don’t need to be diagnosed you kind of just know or something like that. But it really put it in my head that I’m making the OCD symptoms up and what if I really was diagnosed and it confirms that I’m a “bad” person. Sometimes I wish I never told my mom anything. She has never really shown care or understanding towards how I have been feeling for years. Who knows, maybe I do have autism but I know for a fact I have OCD. I just hate she put it in my head that theres a possibility I’m an imposter and I’m really what my mind tells me I am. If anyone relates to this please reach out. I’m not really asking for reassurance I just don’t know if I should listen to my mom. Yes I’m an adult. I’m 26 and still live at home. Now that she thinks I have autism, is she going to use it against me too? This sucks so much 💔

Feel like I’ve been stuck in a spiral for a while. My OCD has come in waves over the years but this time it has been so debilitating. I’m in therapy, but I really struggle with sitting with uncertainty. My therapist will tell me to say, “Maybe, maybe not”. But so many of my fears and so much of my uncertainty feels too risky to just, “not figure out”. And if it’s not just thoughts, it’s actions or events. Whether it’s an event from years ago or 5 minutes ago, I feel like I’m ruminating and trying to perform memory recall. I analyze every action, thought, decision. I’m full of guilt and dread all the time. And then I realize how much it’s affecting my family and ability to be a fun and present parent. Most days I’m hardly functional outside of meeting my kid’s basic needs. I feel like I’m wasting so much time, but I just can’t get myself out of this constant loop. Every day brings a new event or theme or thought. I know I need to sit with the uncertainty but it’s so hard.

hi everyone!! so idk if anyone will see this, but i guess i have a lot of questions. i got diagnosed with OCD about 2 years ago or so but i’ve had it for as long as i can remember. my obsessions and compulsions root from my worst fears and what i’m most afraid of losing. when i was really young, it started with doing things or else the devil was going to come and get me, because that was my worst fear at that time. i have to count, i usually do things in pairs of 3. i HATE even numbers. only odd numbers. sometimes i spend a lot of time redoing something over and over and over again just until it feels “right.” i have super bad sensory issues. i cut the tags out of everything i own, my nails have to be short or else i will dig them into my skin until i bleed because it just doesn’t feel right. at school i used to be late to class because i would be at my locker turning the combination either 3, 7, 9, 11, or 13 times. it just depended on what felt right. before i would go to bed i would have to sit up and check the door 3 , 7, 9… etc. one time i had to check 27 times before i could go to sleep. i’m actually scared of getting things i want in life because my OCD will hold it against me. “you better do this or else you’ll lose this.” the more happy i am in life, the worse my OCD gets. it prays on my worst fears. if there is even something slightly wrong with my clothes: a tiny thread hanging lose, a bad memory attached, i will never wear it again. there’s one thing im sorta embarrassed to say but it’s one of my worst ones. basically: peeing. at night, i have to continuously go to the bathroom over and over again because i feel like my bladder isn’t completely empty. i will keep telling myself “it’s full, i have to go.” even when i just peed 5 minutes ago. and due to this, it causes a lot of wiping. i have wiped myself raw to the point i bleed a lot. it’s embarrassing, but i can’t stop. it never feels clean enough. my hair is never perfect enough. my clothes are ugly. i think i mostly struggle with perfectionism OCD. but is that it? i also feel like if i don’t do certain things, it will cause something bad to happen to my family or friends. like i have magical control over events. i don’t know. can someone help please?