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Hi all, I was wondering how other people with POCD deal with the guilt and shame that come with the POCD

I feel like there’s two versions of me. I feel like there’s an evil version where my OCD wants me to do urges and be bad and prove I am this person and it is so convincing and it feels like me. Then another version of me where I’m like “duh that’s not me”. But I’m terrified the bad version will win. It feels like “I want” to think of these thoughts. I had a moment today where I was like “yeah I would be this person if it wasn’t illegal” and believed it. Then came out of it and was like “no that’s not true”. I also found myself feeling like I wanted to think of a bad sexual thought during sex.

The other day I was in the kitchen and the children I work with were in a rush and I was trying to push them out of the kitchen. When that happened, I was nudging them out with my hands and legs. When I was nudging a child forward, I noticed a sensation in my leg near my crotch area that I was pushing, but it wasn’t gratification and it wasn’t sexual. But I feel awful because I recognized the sensation but didn’t move my body. I continued to push forward. Now I feel like I’ve committed a heinous crime. When it happened it was very subconscious and unaware. I was not imploring myself to do anything else or really anything at all. It was just that weird feeling in my leg but I still feel awful that for 2 seconds I continued to push them forward. It’s driving me insane that I feel like I tried to continue to push forward. Now that I’m writing this, I can recognize that I was not trying to be weird or anything and I think my mind is tricking me. But it still SUCKS!!!!!!! I hate having OCD!!!!! I know I didn’t do anything and I’m a good person. But I don’t know how to be comfortable with this one.

Anyone deal with sexual thoughts regarding family members? Makes me sick. I know it’s OCD and I’m constantly trying to remind myself I’ve been here with other content before but it’s so disturbing. Also has anyone had past themes resurface again? Thank you in advance to whoever shares.

Lately my intrusive thoughts are centered on my kids. Why is ocd coming for what is most precious to me?? This is so painful and the hardest i’ve ever had to deal with. The more I tell the ocd it isn’t true the more it tries to make me feel that it is. I can’t live like this😢

This is about pornography addiction. Back when I was still greatly suffering through it, I remember watching videos I shouldn't have when I was a lot younger. It genuinely did have an effect on my well being and it made me act out in ways no kid should. No kid should be exposed to these things for that matter. I keep focusing on this one time where I made a taboo search about all something and it had the word "lil" in it. After I did this I just started crying badly because of how much of a problem this was for me but now I'm getting thoughts that are saying I did this because I wanted to see kids and that's really scary because I don't want to do that. I really don't want to believe that and I would not want to do that to myself. I didn't see anything inappropriate when that happened from what I remember but I just want stop thinking about these two sides of the event. I think I was around 18 at the time. Something like this also happened when I saw this really disgusting playlist on YouTube that had children in it and creeps saving videos. I couldn't believe it to be true so morbid curiosity came in and when I went through them they were very real and it was very disgusting. I remember freaking out about this so much and I couldn't calm down for that night. It was terrible. I hated that so much. What really scares me about that is before I found this I was watching videos that were fine but just when everything was coming to an end that playlist came up in the midst of it and it made me feel absolutely disgusting. I just hate how much porn messed up my life and I wish I could take it all back. I still get haunting memories of it every single day one way or the other and I'm never at peace with it fully. It always messes with my mind and I can't let it go because of uncertainty. I also hate that through my addiction, I've seen very questionable content without even trying to look for it, which I can't stand. I hate that shit so much. I make specific searches that I find reasonable but even still bad things show up regardless. I just feel disgusting about this completely and it's one of several things that has always kept my self esteem very low. I don't know what to do.

i recently got home from university and ive been nervous about seeing my siblings but now im overthinking what if i like my little sister and im paying attention to how anxious i am around her and everything and i dont know if this is attraction or ocd, i look in my siblings room to check how i feel and its just so much anxiety and idk, also my medication is like making my anxiety block out, so its like im saying this but im not as panicky which is scary, ive been writing in my notes about this though so that probably means its intrusive idk

i saw a family member post their kid, he is super adorable and funny ive met him before. but ever since seeing that my pocd is telling me i want to hurt him and or do something to him. im really close with his mom i look up to her a lot im scared that u will find out and i will be shunned forever. I don’t want to do anything to him. but these thoughts feel so real and it feels like my body is just gonna get up and commit a crime. she is very spiritual and I go to her for advice a lot, im scared she’s gonna get bad vibes or negative intentions from me I just want to be a good person I don’t want to hurt anyone especially him :( another thing is I had a thought that he looked like my ex and he does and even looks how he looked when HE was a baby but im scared that that means im a p. I hate this :( I get groinal responses and rapid intrusive thoughts it’s so draining :(

My POCD randomly triggered over a friendship I have with someone who is eighteen. I’m sixteen and I have no intention of dating them however we do make jokes and are very affectionate. Nothing bad, normal internet friendships but it’s making me nervous that I’m somehow a victim or something even though I have no issues with it. Is this okay?

Can someone please tell me I’m not alone? Can you share your experience with getting intrusive S3xual thoughts please Because I feel like it’s not talked about and it’s something I really struggle with and I’m scared I’m the only one getting these disturbing and fucked up thoughts and scared I want them and that it’s actually me and not my ocd For example : I feel like I’m constantly constantly getting S3xualised thoughts of people I’m related to especially when I’m trying to have S3xual time

Ive made horrible childhood mistakes at the ages of 12 and 13 I heavily regret... It was separate events when i was 12 and 13... I didn't know how horrible the mistakes were at the time... the mistakes were extremely horrible... i dont ever want to be what my pocd and real events ocd say about me... I genuinely feel so horribly and as a 22 year old in pre-med, idk if i even deserve happiness because of my extremely horrible childhood mistakes...

18+ Sometimes my eyes rest on intimate areas I don’t know why. It’s been worse lately because I’ve been having ocd about it. Sometimes my eyes will rest on someone’s crotch of like the part of the shorts where they’re like separated from the skin and there’s like an opening. And one time I was on the train and my eyes rested on this persons crotch and they were in a dress. I looked away but then I had an urge to look again. I didn’t see anything private. They were sitting down and I was looking down because I was standing up, the dress was relatively short too. But then I realized the person was a kid. Then I started freaking out and crying. I had to be comforted by my girlfriend because I was so distraught. I’m kind of feeling bleak right now and irredeemable. I don’t like anything about myself. I’m really tired of feeling this way.

POCD has made me lose all my self identity, i dont know who i am anymore. Im really tired, when will this horror end.

scared im a p for getting with/talking/dating someone two years younger than me. i did it when i was 16. they were 14. i turned 17 then they turned 15 like 20 days after. they were in my friend group at the time and we were friends and we ended up getting drunk. i talk to people older than me, my age, and younger, but my limit is two years. im scared that makes me a p.

going through this again, always having. Groinal responses, either stemming from an intrusive thoughts or something I heard/seen, or I have a groinal for no reason then the thoughts come. I also have a urge to m-sturbate which is one of my compulsions:( I hate this

Does anyone else have intrusive thoughts during sex that make you lose your ability for focus/make the experience less enjoyable? I have POCD so having intrusive thoughts of this nature during sex not only make sex with my boyfriend way less enjoyable, but also make me feel perverted for having them while simultaneously aroused. It feels like they’re causing my arousal even tho I know rationally that they aren’t. Any advice? Feel kind of alone in this.

there’s a little kid outside my window at the community pool. i looked to see what he was doing. i looked a couple times and he was just fully clothed in the pool LOL, but then I started having thoughts “oh are u looking bc ur a creep? do u want to go down there and gr0om him???” like wtf!!! and i stayed there and kept looking to i guess test myself and be like see im not looking for any reason but i got this feeling of dread and had to walk away :( i hate this. pocd makes me feel like i am a p everyday it feels so real sometimes I just wanna say I am and admit myself to a mental hospital

the minute I wake up it’s like a sense of impending doom. I immediately get thoughts like “ur a p, im a p, it’s inevitable, ur hiding behind an ocd mask” and it feels so real. I also get groinal responses and everything feels so real, like I AM ONE. and sometimes im too tired to even stop the thoughts so it just keeps going and my body and brain feels like it agrees and im just a p. idk what to do:(

can’t see anything on social media about kids ill immediately get intrusive thoughts and groinal responses and thoughts like “u are a p, u can’t have kids because u are a p” and it genuinely feels like im destined to be a p. like impending doom. that no more what i do i am one and i can’t change or stop it. does anyone feel like this? can it get this bad? my brain feels convinced and it’s like whenever i say im not my body gets all uncomfy and then the groinal responses come. i hate this. am i a p? if i am one i want to get help. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I would rather be gone then be a p but if I am one the least I could do is get help for it but im stuck between ocd and this. what if im just a fraud hiding behind ocd

idk if this is even ocd related, or if anyone relates, but im so sad about growing up. im gonna be twenty in 2 years. its not even a regular sad. i get like nauseous and a pain in my chest like when ur HEARTBROKEN. i cant think about my upbringing and especially my teenage years, and what i wasted, or time and memories i will not get back. I always get sad how I’ll never be 14,15,,16, again(this also makes my pocd act up but anyways lol). realizing I’ll never be able to experience an era of my life ever again really is gut wrenching to me. I can’t think about it too long or I’ll cry and feel really depressed. how do I feel better about this?? help??!