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I'm freaking out a bit right now. I've been doing okay for the past few days, but these thoughts and memories are still bothering me. I was in the car earlier and remembered a post I'd seen on here where someone said they had POCD thoughts that would tell them they'd go searching for illegal content online, and ever since then, it's really triggered my POCD. I'd never even considered that a possibility, and now I'm scared. I thought, "What if I do that?" But I know that I wouldn't... But the thought pops up occasionally, and it's really starting to bother me. I even had the thought of, "What if it's genuine curiosity to what that would look like?" And now I'm panicking. I feel like a horrible human being. I don't want those things. I wish these thoughts would just go away, but it all feels so real. I've been trying really hard these past few days, but sometimes it feels like I might snap and really do something. I'm really scared right now. If anyone could offer advice, I'd really appreciate it. I feel insane, and I can't even share this with anyone close to me. The next appointment with my psychiatrist isn't until after the holidays, and I feel like I'm barely holding on sometimes. I don't know how I'm doing it.

For example, I kissed my dog’s lower back, above her tail affectionately. She looks like a potato, and absolutely adore her. I said “a kiss to your booty.” My sister said that was weird to say, but I’m not sure how serious she was. I tried my best to shrug it off because I don’t think my intentions were harmful. I do anxious when I get near my pets because my OCD attacks them badly. I see them like my children so I feel like it’s almost a variation of POCD. However, because I was anxious giving her affection, I feel like I did something I shouldn’t have especially with my sister’s comment. I know I am overthinking but I hate how often things like this happen and how they never seem to get easier. Anyone else? Any advice?

(please read if you have advice :( ) I wanted to start this thread off by saying, I am trying my hardest to not ask for reassurance. Anyways, ever since a kid I’ve been very hyper sexual, I don’t really remember the first memory or incident that caused this, but I do remember growing up , having unrestricted Internet, access, and other kids doing things to me, whether it was a cousin, family, friend, or friend at school, and also walking in on family members doing things that children should not be seeing(sometimes the family didn’t care to not let me see :( )I would self pleasure all the time, even in inappropriate areas. Whether it was at school, around family, and I even would go on Omegle at the young age of nine and talk to old men. Throughout my whole life I have just been very hyper sexual, which is hard to deal with ever since I got diagnosed with OCD, as my brain sexualizes, even my intrusive thoughts. The thoughts revolve around my family, my pets, and kids. Self Pleasure has become a compulsion, something that has become extremely repetitive, as I use it to ease the intrusive thoughts and groinal responses, but it doesn’t work therefore it just puts me in a loop. I do not want to harm anybody and I sure as hell do not want to be attracted to these things. But in the moment, the sensations and thoughts feel like this is something I actually want. It’s hard for me to feel content with this being OCD given the history of my childhood and even growing up while being a teenager. I really just want all of this to go away as it is mental torture for me. This has been going on for years, specifically the OCD as I got diagnosed with it when I was 15. I don’t know what was going on before I got diagnosed, I can only assume it was OCD also. I really just don’t know what to do, I’m scared to talk to therapist, even though I have talked to one before, it’s just that therapist with someone I was extremely comfortable with, but unfortunately had to stop speaking with them. This OCD stuff just feels so real, it comes with feelings, sensations, thoughts, urges, that feel extremely real. I would rather take myself off this earth than hurt anybody in any of those ways. I feel like I’m lying to you, as if I am a fraud, hiding behind OCD. Any advice is welcome thank you for reading if you have.

(i don't have a diagnosis of anything, yet) since may, when i had a "scare" on an erotic literature website, i have been suffering from these obsessive thoughts of pedophilia. in 2021, when i suffered an online sexual trauma on omegle, i also had thoughts along these lines. i was afraid to face children, but i did it to prove to myself that i didn't feel anything besides..and i really didn't feel it, i just found children cute and adorable (some), and teenagers annoying. in 2022, i got better, i spent 1 year without watching pornographic content and i was no longer so afraid of being around children, but I remember certain uncomfortable episodes. 2023 seems like it was the best year in this regard, i don't remember feeling too uncomfortable and i also worked on my sexuality as a sapphic. but 2024..it's like this came 100x worse. since the trauma, nothing is normal for me anymore. obsessive thoughts, doubts, "intrusive thoughts" (which i don't know if they are really intrusive, because it gives the impression that i can control them, but i know i have to test myself, not for pleasure). i also got a virtual girlfriend 2 months before this catastrophe. she has helped me a lot! but intimate moments with her, since then, have been so difficult because i don't feel excited enough. i have very, VERY bad thoughts! within this theme of pedophilia, it involves: racism, ableism, ageism.. as if I really were that horrible person! i remember always having some racist thoughts (unfortunately) when I'm in this state of mental health, but i can ignore them because i know they don't go against what i preach and think. but the pedophilia ones?! no.. i can't stop thinking, at different ages, why this would attract me (and i think of the most sordid and disgusting reasons possible), feeling groinals, trying to turn bad scenarios into good ones.. i know a lot of this could be OCD symptoms, but i'm afraid i'm faking it because i know they're symptoms, and if I didn't know, i would act differently or in a way that was not related to OCD at all. can someone understand me, please?! yesterday, unfortunately, i relapsed into pornography, i was able to feel things but not enough... i blamed myself for it. so my head created a completely problematic scenario, involving minors...but i managed to control it! i managed to turn it into something good even before being overcome by the panic that i always feel when i think about it. i was happy about that, because i could control it..but they kept coming, testing me. i would just cut it. i have so many thoughts that tell me it's not OCD as i write this text. anyway! if you read this far, thank you very much and i'm sorry for the drama, if you found it dramatic. if you can help me, i will be very grateful!

This flare up is getting worse. So my son brought me a paper he needed signed for school yesterday and I asked him to get me a pen. As he got the pen I was just looking at him and unintentionally glanced over his private area and immediately freaked out with guilt. My ocd started telling me I was staring and that I wanted to look there. I know I wasn’t staring and I don’t ever want to look there. Anytime I accidentally catch a glimpse of my children’s private areas I always immediately look away and feel so guilty even though it wasn’t intentional or wanted but my ocd is making me believe I did stare and now the memory of it is blurred the more I try to remember it exactly to disprove the ocd. I feel horrible and I don’t know how I can ever get past this. 😪

I’ve been dealing with a really bad flare up the last 2 weeks and i’ve been dealing with ocd on and off for years. I was finally feeling better today, So of course my ocd decided to bring up an old intrusive thought that was really upsetting and now i’m stuck on it again. The reason why I struggle so much to conquer my ocd is because I developed ocd as postpartum so my ocd targets my kids, the ones that mean everything to me. The intrusive thoughts range from mild to really disturbing. While I know deep down the intrusive thoughts aren’t true or me, the ocd makes it feel SO real and true which makes me feel like I HAVE to disprove the thoughts and with confidence but the ocd won’t let me. It also makes me question analyze and judge everything I do. It’s an endless cycle of pain and I just want to be a mom without ocd telling me i’m a horrible person all day every day. 😪

🔞 tw: p0rn there are days when i feel like there is an emptiness inside me. today i relapsed into pornography, after 2 months..like, i always try to avoid pornography, i know the harmful effects (both chemical and physical). I don't know if sometimes it comes back as a "compulsion" due to the horrible thoughts I have. comparing scenarios, seeing if it gives me pleasure.. While I'm thinking about this, many intrusive thoughts come to mind, and i have to 100% avoid any video that refers to an age gap situation (even though i'm always attracted to older people). like, why does my mind insist on telling me that if it were something illegal I would be enjoying it much more?! or creating pedo scenarios.. i know that pornography is not healthy at all for someone with OCD (i have no diagnosis), but i just feel a lot of fear and dread.

why do exposed legs and thighs on triggers stand out to me so much and trigger me? why do they feel se&ual? i don't want them to feel that way. does me noticing this mean that im a ****? I don't like this, I wish I didn't notice this feature. Whatever I perceive whenever I see those things is real tho, I don't think it is some imaginary OCD thing, but also 3 years ago before the OCD onset I never noticed. Is it because of the uncanny similarity with shaven lucid adult legs? And I associate that look to se&ual things and therefore the association triggers me? I just think that it shouldn't look that way, and that I shouldn't perceive it in that disturbing manner. I don't know. I'm so disturbed and scared of the fact that I might be attracted or finding them attractive. I just know I'm bothered and that this is unwanted, but nonetheless is real. Maybe I am attracted and I'm in denial, I cannot tolerate that being true. What if something is wrong with me and I'm sick in the head? What if my brain actually finds the exposed legs attractive and is in conflict with my morals? This theory just now feels very plausible and I can't stand it. I'm bothered that they look that way, in my head they shouldn't look that way. What if I notice and I'm triggered because I find it certain type of legs to look attractive? Some time ago I saw a trigger's legs and I forced myself to come to a conclusion according myself to my reaction to it and I thought "yeah maybe they look attractive" and it bothered me a lot. I don't know.

I'm sorry if this post is long, but I'm wondering if anyone has dealt with a similar issue? I'm currently seeking an OCD diagnosis from a psychiatrist, but we're trying out medication right now, so it's sort of a waiting game at the moment. I've been diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder in the past, but I suspect I might have OCD due to the onset in intrusive thoughts I've been having recently (the past 6-7 months). I've had intrusive thoughts when I was younger and convinced myself I'd harm my family members and grow up to be a serial killer. It was extremely distressing, and I'd cry myself to sleep every night after imagining scenarios where I actually committed those crimes. Although, recently, I've been dealing with thoughts of becoming a p*dophile. It began when I was 18 years old (I'm currently 19 years old). A family member opened up to me about them being assaulted at their daycare, and this led me to get a really horrible image of something like that happening to my little brothers who had just started daycare and elementary school. Then, this spiraled into games my younger sister and I would play with each other when we were younger (I must've been 8 years old), and I had worried I might have done something bad. I confessed this to her, my psychiatrist and both of my parents, and they reassured me I didn't do anything wrong, but the thoughts didn't stop. I began obsessing over every little memory from childhood, and a lot of bad memories resurfaced. As a child, I had unrestricted internet access, as I'm sure a lot of my generation did. This led me to have inappropriate conversations online with adults who knew my age, and later, I went down a rabbit hole of finding inappropriate content on YouTube. For years, these memories rarely crossed my mind or mattered to me until recently. In the process of researching for reassurance, I found out about hypersexuality. I'm afraid that those things I engaged in as a child might've caused all of this? I'm not even positive if I'm hypersexual, but one of the symptoms was paraphilia, and I freaked out. What if what I thought was POCD is actually hypersexuality, and I'm going to give into these intrusive thoughts/urges... I try to tell myself that if it's causing me this much distress, that won't happen, but then my mind tells me there's always a possibility, and maybe I'm just in denial about it all? What if these intrusive thoughts make me become a horrible person? It's such an isolating experience. I'm sorry for the long post, but advice would be greatly appreciated. I'm wondering if people have had similar experiences and, if so, how have you dealt with these thoughts? Thank you🥲

This might be asking for reassurance but I’m at a point I’m not sure if this is ocd and who better to ask than you guys. Also want to mention I have been to a psychologist who diagnosed me with ocd and I’ve tried to seek therapy through NOCD but had a bad experience so I’m just looking for an opinion I’ll take with a grain of salt. I’ve been through bouts of pocd that I got through but now it’s morphed into something that feels so different. It’s like harm ocd and pocd together and it revolves around my daughter. Before this happened I was a loving mother who valued my kid more than anything. Now this is happening and it feels so sinister. I’m getting urges to do something bad and I get these feelings like I want to do that and it’s like my brain gets foggy and my values slip away and I feel like I could do it. But then I get a moment of clarity and I’m like wait a minute I’ve never hurt anyone in my life nor have I ever thought about it and this is my child what is happening. But then I get that foggy brain again and it’s like I can’t see her as my child. I try to sit with it and it’s like I get this adrenaline rush and feel like I have to do it. But I know I don’t want to do that, but then it’s like trying to make me want to want to. I’m not sure if I’m just lacking insight and clarity because I’m overwhelmed with the groinals, urges, thoughts and feelings but I just keep obsessing over the fact that death is my only way out. I don’t understand what happened to me. It feels like this demonic oppression and I don’t know how to get through this one or if this is still something I can get through because it might not be ocd. I try to go with the thoughts and feelings and say yeah maybe, maybe not, or yeah I’m going to do that but it seems to fuel the feelings. I feel like I’m teetering between the person I was and this evil awful person who has no regard for others. I don’t want to be around my daughter and I’m just angry all the time. The fear and anxiety used to be something I relied on and I feel none of that now. I used to be able to say “well no matter what I feel or think I can control my actions” and now it feels like I cannot control my actions but I’ve never hurt anyone before. Someone please give it to me straight and tell me if you think this might not be ocd.

Since I developed ocd as postpartum my ocd has mostly always targeted my kids. It started as harm and then switched to pocd. Both are equally very painful. For years I was mostly able to keep my ocd at bay but when it comes back it’s so bad. I have a son and a daughter and my ocd switches back and forth from kid to kid with horrible intrusive thoughts and now even intrusive ocd dreams. With each thought I get past and start to feel relief another one pops right up. The thoughts feel so real and true even though I know it’s just the ocd and not how I think or feel, the ocd always makes me doubt myself and question everything I think or do. I know other moms/dads go through this too. Please anyone who has or is going through this please tell me how you deal with this. 😪

Every day my ocd makes sure there’s a new reason for me to stay trapped in my mind rather than being the mom I want to be that my kids need. Instead i’m stuck in my head depressed and pushing them away. The other day I was braiding my daughter’s hair like I always do and her hair is really long so when I get to the end of the braid I can see her butt in my peripheral vision and I looked down and I immediately got upset asking myself why did I look down?(the ocd has made me question everything I do now). I know it’s just because I was at the end of the braid and I just looked because I was already looking in that direction. A normal person wouldn’t even think twice about it. There was no inappropriate reason behind it at all but of course my ocd latched onto the situation and said I looked down because I wanted to look at her butt. I was so upset and said to myself “I don’t understand how the ocd started an intrusive thought because she was wearing baggy pants. I could understand if she had on tight pants and her butt was more noticeable” and the only reason I said that is because usually the only time my ocd starts intrusive thoughts telling me i’m looking at my daughter in a wrong way is when she has on leggings or a crop top or bathing suit ect. Now my ocd twisted what I said to mean that I like looking at her in tight pants. Nooo! That’s not what I meant but now the ocd won’t stop trying to make me believe that. I don’t ever look at my children in any inappropriate way. I hate this. I hate ocd and I can’t live like this anymore.

Hey All, So, I’ve always had patterns of ether initially having anxiety when I get dating someone or close to me and the anxiety has become so extreme I believed it to be my body telling me that it was not ‘right’ relationship so I ended so many of them. I have struggled with POCD thoughts in my past and got over them. But I’m back to the ROCD side of things. I met my current partner through work and we never had a honeymoon period. We talked consistently! One day I woke up and said. “I bet myself tomorrow that I’m going to start feeling anxiety”. Then wake up the next day and anxiety rises upon me. My partner knows my OCD and past obsessions. But now this is the killer. She is supportive and has taken so many blows from my OCD with confessions and compulsions. Currently I have this awful feeling all day that I’m so unhappy, irritated, slight anxiety about this relationship. I’m not checking but being drawn to others who are more attractive and I just have to look and I know I enjoy it and do this behind her back. But don’t get anxiety. I have this “knowing” that I am lying and not in the right relationship and continuing because it is easier to carry on than suffer with the abandonment of ending it. But I just find myself worrying about what if she finds out how i truly feel and issues. Now if someone was to read this and say to my back, you need to break up with her and let her go. I’d trigger and get anxious but I know I would only be getting anxious over the truth. But I’d get ‘what ifs’ if we broke up and I made the right decision or wrong decision. I know this is gonna follow me to every and next relationship until I find the one who does not make me anxious. Or work on myself. But I feel that everytime she wants to do something or more commitment I get the voice and the feeling of “I don’t want to” and when I agree and do it or other things I feel like such a liar! Some advice or similarly stories would be great please.

I’m struggling worse than I ever have. I’ve been in a bad flare up the past 2 weeks and it’s getting worse each day. I’ve always been able to get back on track but this time it’s so hard and affecting my time with my kids.Last night for the very first time I had an ocd dream. It was horrible and I know it’s just my ocd manifesting into my dreams but i’ve been beating myself up because while dreaming I woke up briefly and became aware of the dream and was disturbed but just went right back to sleep. How could I just go back to sleep like that?? Then as i’m struggling to cope with that my 2 worst false memories about my children came to mind and i’m struggling with those all over again now. I developed ocd as postpartum so my ocd has always targeted my kids. My ocd has come and gone over the years. First harm ocd and then switched to pocd. I’ve always had a fear of unwillingly and unknowingly acting out my thoughts in my sleep and doing something inappropriate to them. So twice over the years I had a false memory based on real event situation. One with my son when he was a toddler and one with my daughter when she was around 7. With my son it was a long time ago so some of my memory has faded about it which makes it worse but basically he was sleeping with me one night and in the morning I got up and he was still asleep so I went downstairs to clean a bit. When I went back upstairs he was awake and had the blanket wrapped around him. I said goid morning and told him to come down for beeakfast but when he cane out of the blanket his underwear weren’t on. I yelled at him and asked where they were and why he took them off and yelled back “you!” My ocd immediately kicked in telling me I must have done something to him in my sleep and that day has forever haunted me even though I know i’d never do anything inappropriate to him and that him being a toddler there are so many other reasons for why he had no underwear on I still feel like what if it’s true? Then with my daughter, she slipped into bed with me one night and during the night she said “mommy!” I woke up slightly and lifted my head up saying “sorry mama” and moved over and went back to sleep thinking I must have rolled over onto her or something but when I woke up the next morning my ocd said that I must have done something inappropriate ti her in my sleep. I asked her about it a short time later and she said she didn’t remember that. Deep down I know I love my kids and would never do these things but because of my ocd/pocd I always have tge uncertainty of what if it’s true? So to have that ocd dream last night which was the first time that’s ever happened, while I know it’s just ocd I just can’t stop hating myself for waking up briefly realizing the dream was happening and feeling upset but then just going back to sleep like it was no big deal. Ocd has ruined my life and made me question and hate myself for years. Are there any other moms/dads out there with pocd that have had similar experiences? Please help. I don’t want to live like this anymore. It’s debilitating😪

Hi everyone, I’m really struggling with something right now, and I wanted to share it in case anyone else can relate, and also to remind myself that I’m not alone. I’m a 16-year-old dealing with OCD, and lately, it’s been taking a huge toll on me. I’ve been feeling really anxious about something that happened when I was browsing videos out of curiosity. I made sure to overanalyze every video I watched to make sure the people in them looked like adults, and everything seemed consensual. I was really careful to only watch videos where I felt like the people were clearly adults, and the situation seemed appropriate. I’ve been too scared to go on other sites like Pornhub because I’m afraid of finding things that are just too much for me or that could be harmful. So, I trusted YouTube because it felt like a safer place to explore my curiosity. However, I recently found out that some of the videos I watched got taken down because they went against YouTube’s guidelines for nudity or sexual content. Now, I’m freaking out because I’m terrified that maybe the videos were taken down because they involved younger minors, maybe even a 12-year-old, and I didn’t realize it. I know it sounds really random, but OCD is making me feel like I’ve done something terrible. I keep overthinking and questioning whether I missed something or if I accidentally watched something inappropriate, even though I made sure that the people in the videos looked like adults. The fear that there might have been someone younger involved is stressing me out so much. It’s causing so much anxiety, and I don’t know what to do. I didn’t mean to do anything wrong, and I didn’t want to see anything bad, but I’m just so scared right now. If anyone has gone through something similar or has any advice on how to deal with these intrusive thoughts, I’d really appreciate hearing from you. I just want to feel like I’m not crazy :/

I’m going through a really bad flare up. I developed ocd many years ago when I had my first child. Postpartum ocd. I suffer from harm and pocd. At first I had mostly mental and some physical compulsions but the physical faded away pretty early on and i’ve just done mental compulsions since. My ocd was in remission for alot of years and if the ocd would pop up now and again, I was easily able to shrug it off and not engage. A few years ago I went through a stressful time in my life and the ocd came back to stay. At first it was bad but then it got better and has been pretty mild until now. It’s been really bad this week and the physical compulsions are even back. I never thought it would ever get this bad again. My ocd is making me doubt who I am and how I feel. I know it’s all ocd and not real or true but the ocd makes it feel so real that I can’t easily dismiss or disprove it. The more I try to disprove it the more real the ocd makes it feel. I’m really struggling and don’t know how to get back on track. I don’t have access to a therapist because there are no ocd specialists near me and my insurance doesn’t cover online therapy. That’s why i’m reaching out here. Has anyone been through a rough relapse? How can I get through and past this??

I puke and gag everyday even thinking about my worst pocd fears being true... (unknowingly sexting or having intimate relations with a minor) and I cant even get reassurance for it... this life sucks... nothing and nobody cares... i cant even get reassurance for my struggles, so whats the point even hoping in anything getting better? Everyday its just people telling me to stop seeking reassurance, and it doesnt even feel like people care enough to help... just people telling me that so they can stop seeing me post... well i hate myself already... so... if you want to hate me, go ahead... im tired of thinking anything will ever be better, because of the fact that i cant even get reassurance... and it feels like people dont even care...

since i want to become a teacher and i am in my last year of university, i just feel like pocd makes it so hard for me to be passionate about being a teacher again because the intrusive thoughts have convinced me that i’m a p and i shouldn’t be working with children and i’m a horrible person who doesn’t deserve anything . i’m so scared to even work with children because of the intrusive thoughts and how it would just make me disgusted with myself so i just avoid children. The thoughts make me feel like i want to unalive myself and somehow they convinced me i am a p and i just want to throw up because why is this in my head i just want to rip it out and just run away from everything. I’ve been through sexual abuse as child and i would never want to harm a child and i don’t want to do anything with a child. i don’t know what to do for the future. I don’t want reassurance i just want to know how to deal with these thoughts . Also since i’m on my period i heard that ocd is more amplified on intrusive thoughts so it’s probably why i feel like this and it’s so much more intense than usual.

I don't even know if I should put this here, but I have the greatest girlfriend in the whole world, and I love her very much, but my thoughts keep saying I'm going to hurt her, so I can hurt God and idk what to do, I feel so disgusted and idk what to do, and the worst part is why does some part of me just not even care idk what to do anymore, it's almost like I'm turning into this horrible person and idk what to do, I'm really not sure what to do. I have really been able to be happy I just feel like I don't deserve it and I want to care about people and God and I want to be a good person, but a part of me shuts off my caring nature and idk what to do, I'm really freaking out because it's like IDC and idk what to do I just feel so nasty and scared because why don't I feel like I care. Why does it feel like it's something I wanna do idk, what to do I'm really freaking worried. Also I don't want OCD but a part of me says I need it or I like these thoughts and idk what to do, as im writing this i just feel like laughing and idk what to do, i really judt want jesus to hug me and say everything will be alright, i am such a monster....

does anyone else feel this dread?! i don't have a diagnosis, and with each passing day it seems like the symptoms get stronger and stronger. It seems SO real, the sensations, the thoughts, the "urges"..i don't know if i have compulsions. something tells me that i only suffer because i don't accept this. but these thoughts sadden and distress me, that's a fact. i've seen some documentaries about anti-contact p3d0s, or p3d0s who are abusers..i "identify" with these symptoms only on "impulse", like, when i feel like committing acts, but i clearly don't do them because they make me very scared and terrified. and the "desire", because i really it seems like i want this.. this makes me want to die.