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How do you all handle feelings of isolation? I feel so alone in this and I feel like I will never have a friend or partner that I can really truly talk about everything with.

I want to move on from my past relationship but can't shake it. Everything reminds me of her, and I know I didn't do my best to facilitate the "best" possible relationship. I need to take accountability; however, my life revolves around her. And there's nothing wrong with that because I love her. And I know she's moved on. I have been stuck in the past and still am. I play music sometimes which reminds me of her, and I am filled with joy. I guess I just need to stop. We can all push forward and realise that we are capable. (I say this but I almost contribute nothing to my family). (I have everything). I feel as if she is me and I am her because we are. (Or were. That is a very irresponsible and disrespectful connotation for me I feel not anyone else). I'm so selfish. The last message she sent to me was very respectful, but I continued to pursue her. And it poisons my mind. I understand that there is nothing wrong with love, but is this love or obsession? I've written an entire story dedicated to her but it still feels wrong. Again, I must stop. However, it feels like I cannot. Feelings do not represent the entirety of the situation. I feel lost, but I am not lost. (We are never lost). My father also molested me when I was younger and I feel as if I am the issue with everything. (In the context of my previous relationship I was). I have a sort of saviour complex, but I just need to let her go if I really love her. And me (If anyone is experiencing the same issue or has then I am here to tell you that it is okay). (Your thoughts do not define you, only actions). And by acting like a saviour I become nothing more than a pebble. (Pebbles are good). I am attempting to become my "true" and "authentic" self but feel so fake. I was extremely irresponsible in not thinking when getting my previous relationship. I also gave attention to another girl and I also feel (as I should) horrible. But we're worthy even if we don't think we push forward into the future. My relationship with my family, in my childhood, (Not representative of now) deeply effects me. Everyone is here for the first time, so we must consider everyone. And what my dad did to me was not justifiable. I have to forgive myself, ultimately, for what I did in my previous relationship in order to grow. I am growing. We all are growing. There is hope and light for everyone. I attempting to stay true to my self, but every day is a reminder that I don't really love myself. If I loved myself I would be perfect. (No one is perfect, and I am not perfect). I miss Lauren so much. But I know she is thriving. And I feel like the victim but I'm not. I feel as if she owes me something when she doesn't owe me anything. Not very often "consciously" but subconsciously I think I am a bad person. Which I am. There is no excuse or pity party event that will absolve me. And I embrace that fact. She is so strong. And I'll always admire her. I do not want to be absolved. I am a toxic person. And I always will carry this burden.( But there is nothing wrong with Acknowledging your faults). I just feel if I do one thing wrong, which everyone does things wrong, I will end up being supremely horrible. And I am horrible. (No one is horrible we are all human). I am full of contradictions. We all are, but I feel as if I am the only one. (I know I am not). I wish I wasn't so toxic. And I know wishing won't solve my issues. She was my sun. And she was never "mine," Which I thought. Possession is not love. Neglect is not love. Selfishness is not love. After we broke up, I could barely sleep. And I kept having sleep paralysis. I could literally feel my heart bursting out of my chest when I tried to go to sleep. (I am alright now and know that I am loved by myself). But I am not really okay. I always attempt to humble myself and it's working so far, but it's also not. I guess that's part of the process. There is only me. And I cannot blame anything on anyone, nor do I blame anyone. I am responsible for what I did. And I really want her back. But I know that is not the right thing. I am lost. (Or I feel like it). Always. (My love for Lauren). (I am deeply disgusted by my previous wanting of another woman. I never pursued anything, but I still feel guilty and I shouldn't). But I do feel guilty. We were both not ready for a relationship, I suppose. I must love my self. (I apologize for the grammatical errors).

I’m dealing quite good with my ocd. There are days where I just feel certain about myself and my feelings for my boyfriend. Other days, or even just moments, I am overwhelmed with doubts, like now. If I think about it, I cannot stand to leave my boyfriend, because I feel so safe and loved. All I want to know is that nothing can separate me from him. It’s really hard, sometimes I still think that it’s not ocd but it’s like I’m discovering a part of myself that has been hidden all of this time (I’m 25). Moreover I’m also dealing with past memories that I did not give much importance until now. I do not want this for me. I want to stay with him. I’m also dealing with a lack of attraction sometimes, because if I think about it, I do not get anything, probably because I’m still anxious. Just want to share this with you guys, if someone can relate and write about their current condition it would be very nice to read about you. Hope you are doing well.

ROCD, MOCD, HOCD, SOOCD, POCD. The worst ones I'm flitting between right now, is H and P, the ones that feel the worst and are the most sickening. Up until 2 weeks ago, I was doing well and feeling more positive. Today my mind has been trying to go back to where the POCD actually first started, or the biggest trigger that I can remember. Never a good idea to do that. It's gone back to my friend's child. Remembering at a wedding when she was so pretty all dressed up, really beautiful. And I don't know whether it's the physical and mental state I'm in now that's doing it, but it makes me feel like I re-acted mentally and physically to thinking that. The worst thing was, she was really beautiful, really photogenic and there's a cloud in my heading giving me this feeling of I reacted in "that" way and wanted to. I didn't. But I'm in major anxiety right now, because I'm "feeling" it. Why? Does that mean I am? In my head it's questioning I'm in denial. It makes me feel sick. Ever since then I worried about being around ,not just her, but other responses that I felt would trigger that. Oh my god, writing this down is making me feel sick and anxious and I've convinced myself I'm evil. I don't want to do anything like that, I swear. All this is ruining my potential for a friendship/relationship because I don't feel I can ever be around him because of what is going on, how crazy and psycho I am, and on a physical level with them. And I really them them too and loved spending time with him. I've always avoided relationships in the past, because of my confidence, and I've missed put. It makes me feel so sad, because I'm not evil. I seem to convince myself I'm the P word (I can't even say it), that I'm gonna harm someone because I get angry or upset, that I'm other worse things as well. That I can't do this, and I'm gonna fail. Right now, I feel like I've undone everything positive I've done and experienced over the last couple of months. Which makes me spiral more, I dont want that.

I steal stuff all the time, not from her but just in general. I took a pencil from a teachers desk while I was subsititute teaching because I just loved the way it wrote and it has such a good grip on it I don’t know. It was so stupid of me and now I feel giiity for that now. I have adhd and my impulsivity makes it hard for me to recognize the consequences of my actions and how it eel so guilty for having this sense of entitlement. I’m worried this impulsivity has led me to be abusive by begging for my ex boyfriend to come back to me because I think I should just have what I want all the time

I can't handle this anymore....Everytime I hangout with my partner they say one little thing I don't like and I started balling my eyes out and they wind up comforting me. I'm constantly being triggered by him and I don't even know why. I got a TikTok slideshow about healthy relationships today and one said "genuinely enjoying each other's company" and i started to spiral. Recently when we hangout I am constantly analzying anything that can be contrused as toxic. We were watching sex and the city and he said he hated the show and I was like see thats so toxic and unhealthy a good partner would never hate a show I LIKE. I'm analyzing everytime he has shown frusteration or been upset about something or has said something the littlest bit mean and convincing myself that my relationship is somehow unhealthy and toxic even though it's not. My mind has completely warpped my perception of him and now I see him as this evil man when before I thought he was the sweetest most gentle man ever. I am even getting intrusive thoughts of us getting into nasty fights or hitting each other which would never happen. BUT WHAT IF IT HAPPENS IN THE FUTURE EVEN THOUGH I DON'T THINK IT WILL. I think my ROCD has really found the ultimate trigger because if the relationship did become toxic I would have to leave and I'm just so upset. I genuinely love my partner and this is becoming between us and I am on the verge of panic 24/7. I am constantly scanning for the littlest signs of abuse like he told me he didn't like these pants I ordered but he may like how they look on me and my brain is like "YOU SEE HE IS TRYING TO CONTROL WHAT YOU WEAR" like he has never told me to not wear and outfit or change once. I'm so sick of this my brain is convinced he's a "bad guy" when he is so far from it and him getting the smallest bit frustrated about anything means he has "anger issues" trust me he has seen me mad about things and I have been far worse. It's like the only way I can be with someone is if they're are this perfect robot that never has one bad moment or is allowed to show any negative emotions in front of me. Am I just gaslighting myself?? I am actually spiraling out of control and don't know what to do. I'm scared these thoughts are going to taint my relationship to the point of no return. I am also scared of having "gut feelings" that I'm in an abusive or unhealthy relationship. PLEASE HELP ME!

So I’ve recently began dating someone and we’ve been in a relationship for almost 5 months. At the beginning of the relationship it was amazing and I’d also started tapering off medication. Shortly after though I felt the urge to confess to him about all of my past partners in terms of who I was sexually active with because before he and I entered a relationship he was not the only person I’d been involved with.I would only feel relief after telling him all details regarding these circumstances only for about a day later something else would feel just as urgent for me to tell him. I started connecting these things to other subtypes I’ve experienced and I was very depressed and so was he. There was an instance where I saw him check out another girl and I at this point was avoiding looking at men as a compulsion bcs my boyfriend has been cheated on twice before and it is the center of my subtype (have i or will i cheat on him) and after catching him do that I checked another guy out and afterwards felt very guilty for doing. Suddenly i statted mentally receiving and came up with a story from remembering a time he double texted me and I got very anxious thinking he was cheating on me and so I started to wonder what if I flirted with someone at school and started reviewing my memories , texts with my friends and him to try and “jog” my memory , wanting to go through my own phone to see if I’d done anything. I obsessed for weeks over this. Shortly after I traveled to Mexico City for a wedding and my bf was constant in reminding me “don’t forget about me or don’t cheat on me” when I got the wedding we were assigned seats and I was sat at a table with people my age , one of which was a guy I found attractive this was for obvious reasons very triggering. I promised my bf to no drinking alcohol also bcs I dding want anything to happen. I knew the boy sitting next to me bcs his parents are friends with mine and this was our first time meeting and we were all talking , I felt like I needed to talk to everyone else though about similar topics bcs I ddint want to seem like i onky wanted to get to know him and not everyone else bcs i found him attractive , I also made sure to tell the table I did have a bf. I danced at the dance floor and did enjoy myself though I found myself having these thoughts of wanting to be single and having this feeling of wanting this boy to find me attractive and I wasn’t at first super distressed by this until I got back to the table with my parents and avoided this boy bcs I fekt like I’d just done something really bad , I have since then been mentally reviewing the wedding and wishing I’d never gone bcs now I feek guilty and like I’ve cheated and keep asking my mom for reassurance and wanted to tell myself that it’s ocd but I feel like I’m using it as an excuse , any help ?? I also will get false memory ocd of me doing something like only dancing with him instead of in a group and why did I sing this song a certain way around him and also that I did dance moves in front of other people and not just him. I don’t know what to do or how to do exposure for this.

How do you know if its rocd or not? Or if you’re just finding excuses for being a terrible person

i have a lot of issues with thinking i am romantically / sexually attracted ti every guy i am around whether or not i think theyre cute i convince myself i do and every tingle or anything i feel i convince myself its a crush. and ofc some of that is due to rocd but i fear that some of it is genuine / natural and smt im meant to feel as if im meant to be with them. and when ppl say any intrusive crush is due to ocd i question whether its an ocd crush or if its intrusive bcs i dont like the idea but its still inevitable and smt my heart is meant to gravitate towards which i don't want. anyway i have that w one of my bf's friends bcs they already make jokes abt me flirting w that friend and its made me question a lot od things like if him and i ever hang out alone or he picks me up even tho its all respectful to my bf i wonder if i secretly try to take advantage of my bfs absence to enjoy the attention of being w the guy alone. sometimes i wonder if im standing too close to him or closer than i would stand if my bf were there with me or if im being touchy or anything. and i think this guy is not bad looking and i try to give myself icks bcs i used to be sure i wasnt attracted to him but recently ive been unsure and i alwags have this feeling of trying to be everyones closest friend even w guys like him or feeling happy when they ask me for help w smt or come to pick me up or things likr that alone sometimes in a friend way sometimes idk if thats normal or romantic etc or emotional cheating. and today he wanted my help covering his tattoos with makeup and i tried to make him do it himself so i wouldnt touch him and the whole time i was trying to be super cautious not to do anything that wld give off the wrong impression and i told my bf everything right after abt what happened but there were some points where i wld have to help blend in the makeup w my brushes and on his biceps so i had to get a little closer and i stood a little close to help direct him thru the makeup so he could do most of it w his own hands but im super scared / stressed now that i took advantage of my bf not being there and that i blended the makeup and stuff too closely and i wonder if i wouldnt do that if he was there w me even tho i feel like i would but it wld make him uncomfortable idk i tried my best to be respectful but at the same time im scared i didn't and i feel like i emotionally cheated and i am super scared also bcs this is the guy i question having a crush on so idk if i took advantage of my bfs absence or not i need advice

Ok so I am getting married next year. My fiancé and I have been living together for a long time. I honestly am so worried about getting married to him, because of my most disturbing thoughts about my physical attraction to him. This thought originally came up when confronting the major life decision of moving in together, and it hasn’t stopped since. I feel sick, because a lot of times these thoughts and disturbances come up when I see him and actually don’t feel attraction to him. Almost every day I have these thoughts and think that I am hurting him by marrying him. On the other hand, I don’t want to deprive myself of something that I’ve always wanted, and I don’t want to be alone. Both of these fears seem like OCD, so it seems like the universe isn’t telling me the right decision to make. Help?

Any advice on how to deal with the feelings of guilt that comes with ocd thoughts? I think my biggest trigger is feeling anxious (heart racing, throat knotted, drop in my stomach) so I start thinking back to things that made me anxious before and see if they still make me feel that anxiety if that makes sense. It’s like I try to tie an anxious thought to the feeling for the feeling to make sense to me. I am trying to just let the feeling be but it’s so hard especially bc I start feeling guilty when my boyfriend is around and telling me how much he loves me. I just feel like I’m holding something in that is going to break our relationship and hurt him which is my biggest fear. I also have a hard time with past memories that seem like proof that all of my thoughts are actually true and not ocd so it is so hard. If anyone relates or has any advice at all please lmk. I’m not sure why these past two weeks have been so hard for me

Is it normal/ok to think your partner is weird? I keep thinking it and I keep panicking and feeling like I don’t like him and need to leave. I’m starting to worry that maybe he’s just too weird, or maybe a “little off” and crazy. It’s so frustrating.

Curious of what you guys think of this . My wife and I have not spoken in about a month . Not any particular argument just an overall harshness in many conversations leading up to the no talking , by both of us . Instead we have only been communicating through three methods 1- text 2- email 3- handwritten note . I am hoping when we talk again that we can each be more productive and polite with further future conversations. Feel free to weigh in with your points of view , hoping guys and girls both weigh in . Overall it is relatively quiet and peaceful.

Hey everyone - honestly looking for advice more than anything. I have my OCD managed pretty well right now thankfully, but there’s always flare ups here and there. Anyways, I’m in a healthy relationship with my boyfriend of over 2 years now. However, year 2 was definitely the year we learned to argue. We got into our first fights and learned to navigate it etc. and we’re at a place now we hardly ever fight, if anything we have little spats as I like to call them. However, we had a little spat the other day, first one we have had in probably a couple months, and I’ve gotten to a place where I’m good at accepting we had one, learning from it and moving on. But, my boyfriend doesn’t move on as much. I think he gets really triggered if we have an argument of basically any kind and he doesn’t want us to argue at all. I mean, I don’t want us to have arguments either, but if they happen every now and then I don’t think it’s a big deal. He on the other hand has this outlook that we just should rarely argue if ever, but I honestly don’t think that’s realistic, and it truthfully puts this anxiety on me. He does come from a family with divorced parents so i do think this is his trauma coming up, but I’m nervous he won’t take that next step (an engagement) if we argue every now and then. Does anyone have any advice? I feel like a spat or argument every now in then is very normal in a relationship, but i think he associates fighting with divorce and breakups. Just not sure how to handle this. I also want to say that we never name call, argue toxically, etc.

At the risk of asking for reassurance, how did you guys deal with your ROCD after a breakup? Did you leave your partner or did your partner leave you? My OCD greatly affected my first relationship but I have come to terms with accepting that it didnt work out simply because we both decided we wanted to explore new things as we were very young and our goals did not align. Right now however I am in a much rougher spot because the person I was with does not want anything to do with me anymore and its been one of the most painful things Ive ever experienced simply because of how abrupt the discard was. Without the reassurance of having them by my side, everyday I question more and more what my actual feelings were for them. If I really felt limerence or just comfort, if I was attracted enough, if it ever felt "right," etc. My daily mood fluctuates from emotional numbness, jealous rage, and what I think is genuine melancholy only to then get a fight or flight response when I start to think that I was kind of forcing my feelings being with them. I miss so many things about them, I miss their body, I miss falling asleep together, I miss the comfort they brought me, I miss the chemistry that I felt couldnt be replicated with anyone else I know irl. Yet at the same time my brain just feels a massive void when I think of them now as if they never even existed or the dopamine rushes werent enough to make me really *feel* something for them. This automatically makes my OCD go and say “well, maybe you werent *that* attracted to them and thats why you had some doubts from the start.” I had similar thoughts when I was with them, but I also felt genuine excitement by seeing each other that I really just ignored my OCD and it did not impede much in how I perceived them or stop me from enjoying myself. The recurring “grass is greener” thoughts were definitely prevalent when I was with them but not even close to as bad as they are now that were broken up. They were especially inconsiderate of me and my emotional needs during the last times we spoke and that just made me feel like I had all the more reason to just accept my OCD and realize this person was never someone I truly liked. Its just so frustrating because even after all thats happened I cannot cope with possibly accepting that this was all a lie. I know that I felt great when I was with them even if the dynamic of the relationship itself was very imperfect. It just pains me that I probably will never see this person again and I will now have to deal with these thoughts and getting help on my own without them. This experience has warped my perception of relationships, of my own attraction, and what I even really want from a partner. So I’m genuinely asking, how did you guys deal with ROCD after a break up knowing that your ex partner will probably never talk to you again? I dont need reassurance, just want advice and examples of how to deal with this emotional turmoil. Any help would be appreciated in the meantime.

Hi everyone, I really need an advice. I discovered I have ocd two years ago. I tried to go to therapy for a few time in 2022 but it was terrible: my therapist didn't do erp and was convinced I didn't have ocd because I didn't have any physical compulsion (🚩). In November 2023, I started going to therapy again: finally, I received my ocd diagnosis. However, even my new therapist doesn't practice erp. She understands my disorder a lot better, but she doesn't give me homework or tips for exposures. I am not as desperate as I was some years ago, but I must admit I can't say I'm fine either. I constantly ruminate (even if I try not to) and I feel anxious almost every day. My main theme before was so-ocd. Now I have less obsessions regarding that, but I'm starting to develop r-ocd. I'm in a relationship since November and the idea of losing him or ruining our love do to ocd really freaks me out. Another thing I should add is that I live in Italy, and here it's very difficult to find a trained erp therapist. So my question for you is: do you think I should try creating a hierarchy of exposures on my own? Is it something that I can try? And if it doesn't work, should I try to see if NOCD can do therapy for people living abroad? It's very expensive and it wouldn't be in my language, but it seems to me that they are the only ones who really understand all this. Thanks to anyone who will take the time to read all this and give me an answer❤️

Saw a post today about the late blooming lesbians because this woman got married to a man and had two children only to realize that was a lesbian and now I don't know what to think as someone who is engaged to be married to a man that I love whole heartedly.. ✨️cue so-ocd✨️ Someone help 😭😭

I’m freaking out I had a dream where I cheated on my fiancé with my best friend partner now I just feel so much anxiety like I would never do that . I feel like a horrible person

Hi everyone, I wondered if anyone with ROCD can relate. When I’m with my boyfriend I’m constantly analysing my own feelings in order to answer the big question do I still love him? For example, if he’s in the mood ;) and I’m not. I think I’ve lost all attraction and should breaks up with him or if we are just chilling I worry that the spark is gone (we’ve been together 4 years) I then constantly try to find reasons why I feel this way. But I am hoping it’s down to ROCD as I still love and want to be with my partner but these thoughts make me feel numb so it is hard for me to fully understand and move forward. I also get very anxious that I missed out on experimenting when I was young. Ie going out to clubs and getting with boys. I worry now that if I’m around someone I find attractive this is an issue and it’s because I suppressed going out and experimenting. This is a reoccurring thought which makes me worry if I should even be in a relationship. However I know that I would never cheat on my partner. Both seem to me as intrusive thoughts I just can’t shift. Can anyone relate?

How can I go about getting a proper diagnosis if my health care provider isn’t knowledgeable about OCD? Right now I’m going through a lot of “pure” OCD thoughts surrounding things like relationships and I’m worried if I try to get diagnosed my provider would overlook it because my obsessions and compulsions are mental. I also only really have one theme at a time, so it becomes tough when all the question they ask are nothing about the theme I’m struggling with currently. I don’t know what to do. I feel like if I’m not officially diagnosed that I’m lying to myself and to others.