Welcome to
the NOCD Community

I’ve been recovering from my recent TOCD flare up. For a week, I did not let my intrusive thoughts win or let me panic. Recently, my girlfriend has been super busy, distant, and stressed. For some reason, ever since she’s been like that, I have been falling into the darkness of TOCD. Not like I am blaming her at all. I was just wondering if the two were connected.

I don’t need reassurance I need someone to hear me and talk to me . I’m 20 years old and I have been in a relationship for 5 years with my boyfriend we have been through a lot and still manage to be together . Recently I saw him look at some random lady’s butt at the fair . I don’t know how to let it go and I feel like my ROCD has a little bit to do with this . Anyone’s opinion ? I’d appreciate it .

I am almost 18 right now and when I was 16 and under I did some horrible things I regret and make me feel like a bad person. I won’t go into detail but stuff people would find weird/hate me for. I am quite popular on social media and I see people getting cancelled so much on TikTok for things I used to do. It scares me. I acknowledge that what I did was bad and don’t do it anymore/havent done it again but the things still haunt me :(. I imagine scenarios of being cancelled and being infamous and everybody hating me. The stuff I did was because I was immature/didn’t really know it was wrong but I still feel like such a shitty person. I really want to be a good person and try to and whenever I try to think “I’m a good person” my ocd cancels it by reminding me of all the stuff I have done and I can’t call myself a good person. It also affects my boyfriend as well and my ocd latches onto him being imperfect. He has done things wrong/ things that have upset me, but my ocd takes this and uses it to show me “he’s a bad person” and we are both “problematic” I’m currently obsessing over it.

About 7 months ago, I went through a very stressful episode of ROCD centered around cheating. I essentially dissected every single even remotely questionable interaction I’d had in the past 2 years of my relationship (and even before it) and confessed them all to my partner. I was basically going through a nonstop panic attack. However, never did I ever think that I physically cheated with ANYONE. I only obsessed over incidents where I worried that I might have emotionally cheated, or cheated online, or crossed into a morally gray zone. Eventually my thoughts cleared up and I started feeling normal again. I was free from ROCD for months. Then a month ago, I had an image flash into my mind involving me kissing a male friend a year and a half ago. This turned into an obsession that lasted over 3 weeks. I was genuinely and truly convinced that I had cheated on my partner with this person. I was ruminating and obsessing and panicking 24/7, and I finally ended up caving and texting this person and asking if anything ever happened between us. He confirmed that nothing did, and I finally was able to relax. Now it seems like this incident opened the floodgates for countless more false memories of physically cheating. I have imagined myself cheating with another mutual male friend, with a coworker 2 years ago, and now with a guy I met at a party almost 2 years ago. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just went on a once-in-a-lifetime trip with my partner and our friend group for 2 whole weeks and I literally spent the entire trip panicking and ruminating. I was luckily able to give the illusion that I was doing okay, and I was able to have fun on the trip. But the thoughts would never leave my head. Most of my obsessions were centered on the coworker during the trip, and now I’m obsessing over that guy from the party. Each obsession feels more ridiculous than the last. I mean I never found this guy attractive and I remember feeling really grossed out during the party because of how much his B.O. reeked. There is no way I ever touched him. But I have crafted this scenario where I went into a bedroom with him and we did something. I’m having such an easy time imagining that scenario and it’s freaking me out. Thoughts like “if it’s so easy to imagine it must mean it’s real” are running through my head and ruining everything. I just want it to end. I’m finally looking for a therapist. I’ve realized i can’t do this anymore. But until then, how do I deal with these thoughts? My go-to instinct is to just replay the “memory” in my head a million times and try to discern whether it’s real or not but this just makes it feel more familiar and realistic. I just want to go back to living life happily. But it seems like that happiness only transitional between OCD episodes, which are like the real landmarks in my life.

Feeling like a bad person has always been one of my reoccurring struggles with OCD. I’m working through trauma therapy at the moment and recognizing a lot of stuck points, and connecting a lot dots in relation to my OCD. But I feel like even if I make a small mistake or mess up, I can’t give myself grace - and I assume I’m an awful person. Obviously, my realistic self reassures me I would never intentionally hurt someone or have malicious intentions in situations. But sometimes I go round and round, and even think the only reason I think or want to be a good person is because I’m scared of being a bad person? I know that doesn’t make sense but it fucks with me and I’m sure only this group would understand. Anyway, today for example: I got sorta mad at my bf because he was trying to smack my butt and accidentally hit my back. And I said “ouch, stop - you got my back.” - in literally the least menacing way. And we laughed it off and he felt bad. And then I just couldn’t help myself from apologizing to him because I felt like I overreacted somehow. He seemed very confused and was so sweet about it. But I just felt like I overreacted, and I told him that I felt gross - I was trying to prepare food and it caught me off guard. And he was like “no yeah, that makes total sense - you literally don’t have to explain yourself or apologize at all!”. But I just got into this weird mood now, where I’m convincing myself I’m a bad person and a bad partner. And he should be with someone who is truly the sweetest person ever and beautiful to add on to the obsession. Sometimes I just don’t know what’s wrong with me. I know I’m not a bad person but sometimes the OCD itself is very annoying. I feel like this wave has passed, and I’ve worked a lot on grounding myself and bringing myself to reality. Which is great! But I would really love to know if anyone else struggles with this kind of thing and what helps them in these times?

I feel like I have been spiraling lately because all day every day I’m scared to do something wrong in my relationship. I can’t be near men because I’m scared that I kiss them If something touches my lip like my hair or sweater or even a rain drop tbh I think I kissed someone Just today i was getting out of my car and I was on the phone with my boyfriend and I think I turned my head and my hoodie hit my lip and right away I started freaking out bc from a distance I saw a man so I was already anxious and I convinced myself he was near me and that it was him just bc what I think was my sweater hit my lip and I was on the phone with my boyfriend and I still think it was another man I feel like it’s getting out of control but I can’t help but to confess everything all the time because then I feel like I’m hiding something and then I start feeling guilty and then it turns out to be for nothing But I can’t sit with the uncertainty especially if something touches my lip, I can’t stand it I hate living like this tho because I lose all motivation for everything tbh 😭

Well I’m not sure if it’s OCD Related but this is a tough break up. I finally had a great relationship with someone but I ruined it with my overthinking and insecurities. No I can’t stop obsessing about him. He broke up with me because he was just tired of it. Now I’m afraid I won’t find another as good as he was. I feel terrible

I’m in a relationship right now, it’s my first real relationship, and I’m struggling a lot with different flaws that I find bothersome about my partner. I’m trying to learn acceptance but it’s difficult. One of the bigger ones that’s bothering me right now is my bf’s voice. It can be irritating and it’s higher pitched and nasally/twangy. I was doing a lot better this weekend, I found that I wasn’t overthinking so much about his voice is I just let it be when I felt bothered instead of analyzing it. But today my best friend and her bf were talking about my bf and they were mentioning he “doesn’t irritate them as much as he did” when they first met him. And I asked what it was that irritated them most and the first thing that was mentioned was his voice. And to be honest I can agree with them, his voice is different, it is higher than normal, and it’s nasally and twangy, especially in social situations. And it can be bothersome for me. And all over the internet I see people saying that voice is such a huge ick that made them instantly turned off. I’m worried because I really struggle with my partners voice, and it can be a turn off at times, but I don’t want it to be a deal breaker, because he’s so amazing and I love him a lot. But I’m struggling because I don’t know what to do. Sometimes he can annoy people, and I feel that some people have a bad first impression of him due to his voice, or the tone in which he speaks. I sometimes perceive negative tones in his voice, even when he’s genuinely not trying to. He just sounds snarky sometimes, and like he’s constantly teasing but I know he’s not doing it to hurt anyone, he’s genuinely just trying to be funny and have a little fun. I love my bf so much, but how can I get past the parts that irritate me. I want to learn acceptance, I don’t want to let these things bother me forever, but I worry that I won’t be able to get over it. And knowing that other people find his voice irritating and it’s not just me makes it more difficult, because I was convincing myself that I was just focusing too much on his flaws, making them feel like a bigger deal than they were, but now I’m not so sure. I really need some sound advice from someone who can relate in one way or another.

Should you never answer the triggering questions that arise from triggering experiences? The questions that OCD ask, or better, the answers that it demands? That make you want to review the memory of that trigger and give it a solution an answer. Like yesterday I had a very triggering thought process and I needed to review it, to understand what it really meant, if they were real thoughs or OCD's, if I liked those thoughts or they were just hypotethical etc. but at the end I didn't do it as a challenge. So should we ignore the calls in any circumstance even if they are really important? Even if the answers to that questions could actually be positive? Even if the triggering that happened doesn't feel like a lie from OCD but something that seems very true and real? That seems so real that there is no space for the hypothesis of an intrusive thought? Even if you feel like maybe you could have been attracted, and that feeling felt so true and real that it is undistinguishable, that you can't even reassure yourself thinking that it was just triggering, should we deny the call still? Should we allow uncertainty to be even if it doesn't feel like it is actually uncertain? maybe it is distorsted in our mind and we think that we're attracted when we are not. Maybe it's because we are so deep in this theme that everything, like attraction, feels very realistic, but it is not actually real.

The fear: I’m not good enough The obsession: my pastors righteousness The compulsion: trying to prove his unrighteousness The story: my wife and I got kicked off the worship team because we were arguing a lot, it’s a lot better now but it’s still not where I’d like it… the pastor who kicked us off is guilty of adultery and in my state that’s even a felony. I’m feeling not good enough because I’m not righteous enough to serve but I haven’t committed adultery… there’s a major conflict here. To make matters worse, my wife picked sides with the pastor, even after I begged him to at least let her serve on the worship team as I self deprecated to prove that she is blameless and that I should be the only one to suffer this punishment. This all happened in January, now it’s July and I’m having a hard time still… Help! I just want these thoughts to go away and leave me alone… I can’t prove his unrighteousness, everyone knows about it and they like him more than me because I’m some sort of OCD freak to them, or maybe that’s just the OCD talking… help!

When I was 12 I made one of the biggest mistake in my entire life. Last night, my brain decided to replay that feeling over and over again to the point of starting to hate myself for it. Now I can't stop thinking that I need to be punished for it, I should never be forgiven and that I am a bad person. My partner should break up with me because I am a bad person and they don't know about it so I don't deserve to be loved at all. I know, however, that I made that mistake a long time ago, that I am a completely different person and that I am a good person now, and that's what matters. But I can't get myself to forgive my past self because if I forgive him, that means I'm a bad person for condoning what I did. Do you have any advice on how to overcome this? Thank you in advance

Having OCD gives me so much shame because how of my compulsions affect those closest to me. I constantly update my parents and my boyfriend on my health while throwing in my worries and telling them how afraid I am. They are exhausted. I worry that one day if I really do have a medical emergency I won’t be taken seriously because of my history of health anxiety over problems that are not really emergencies. This causes more OCD with whatever symptom I’m experiencing in the moment like- “this is it. What if this is the one time I really need help and they won’t believe me?” And then I freak out about people not believing me or taking me seriously. I feel like such a burden and I feel like I ruined my reputation with my parents and my boyfriend. There’s no going back from how they see me when my OCD is at its worst. It’s so frustrating that I’ve done this to myself. I feel so ashamed and broken.

I've recently started dating someone. I like him very much, and I know he feels the same about me. I have always been unlucky in relationships, so this is something brand new for me. I haven't told him I have OCD. It feels like a rock in my chest. I feel like I'm keeping something big from him and I feel so guilty. I don't know what to do. I don't want to drag him into my mess, but I don't want to break his heart and mine. I have a chance of happiness for maybe the first time and I feel like I don't deserve it. I feel like I'll ruin everything. What should I do? Please I'm desperate.

Hi, I am over 30 years with my partner. And I am obsessivly doubting my love for him the last 8 months. My psychiatrist says itcis ROCD, but I feel anxiety around him and tense in my stomach. He is a very good man. And I love him. But I don't feel my heart open with him anymore. I don't feel the life-energy anymore. But I am depressed, a lot of anxiety and my thoughts go 80% of the time, about: Do I follow my heart/ selflove when I stay with him? Why don't I feel free? Why can't I give him love? I am doubting al the time, but I don't want to leave him. And I dont know if this is out of fear. Do I stay out of fear with him? Or cant I feel the love because of my thoughts? Anyone recognize this?

I’m so worried that I’m suffering from Copmhet, but I love my boyfriend and i genuinely don’t want to leave him to date a woman. There’s a girl at work that I think has pretty hair and i wouldn’t mind being her friend but my brain is shouting at me “leave your bf!!” “You want her!” And these thoughts won’t leave me alone. I love him so much.

Hi, guys! Can ocd thoughts be ego-syntonic? I feel that usually I really believe them. For example, while having retroactive jealousy, I usually believe that the past of my partner is important and that asking questions about it would definitely help me decide if she is right for me and that I should ask those questions to make sure that her past is fine. Like usually I WANT to ask them. Sometimes, I am even looking for things I haven't asked yet.

my bf and i text each other updates thru out our day when we don't see each other. but lately i keeep asking myself if i want to text him about my day or if i'm just doing it as a chore or if i'm doing it bcs i'm trying to put in effort into our relationship. when i think abt smt i'm doing i'm like oh i shld text him but then i'm like do i rlly want to or is it a chore or liek why am i saying i should. then i do it anyway but idk if thats a compulsion or if i'm just doing it cause i want to bcs i never know when i want to text him bcs i always test for that feeling kf wanting to and i can't feel it anymore. and then when ive texted him enough times as an update when i do smt new in my day i think shld i text him but then i'm like i think ive texted enough it shld be good. almost as if its a chore?? i don't want that feeling tho i wld much rather want to update him but idk what to think. can someone help relate maybe?

so i am currently in a new and much better relationship than my last toxic relationship. anyways i was just thinking and having thoughts about how i planned a future with my ex and it didn’t work out and got a little sad and i think a little scared of things not working out with my current bf. i also think part of my thought process was feeling like i don’t deserve my current bf but im not fully sure. after having these thoughts of oh it didnt work out with your ex and you planned all this and had a thought of well anything can happen but i seriously see a future with my current bf. i have a fear the reason i thought “well anything can happen” was because i am holding onto hope my ex is coming back. which isn’t even the case im much happier now and just beating myself up for this thought i had. it wasn’t intrusive and i know that that’s what i meant when i had that thought. it just makes me think i think i want him back or something idek im scared bc my current bf is amazing and i feel terrible.

Me and my girlfriend had a conversation last night about how bad my OCD has got and how I'm over analysing her texts/movements etc for signs of the relationship going south. I plucked up the courage to talk to her about trauma and other stresses in my life which has triggered my OCD to spiral. We have agreed to keep all OCD talk out of the relationship and if I feel like analysing or asking for reassurance to get a notebook and write it down instead. I am now thinking constantly about how she asked me to talk but has kind of left me on my own and it doesn't make me want to talk to her about stuff now in the future. I get it's hard, but has my OCD taken a hold of this or is it valid to feel this way?

I know what you resist persists, but something I've struggled with for years now is infatuation and falling in "love" with people. I fear my own feelings when I'm with women. I'm afraid of falling really hard for every second person but also avoiding is making it worse. I might get strong feelings towards them but avoid them because I know it's just infatuation, I fear falling for someone without knowing them then hurting myself and them along the way. Im also worried of falling really hard for someone and then getting rejected. My mind throws many arguments to mind about this such as : I'm not ready yet, it's a bad fit, someone else is better, you will destroy her life, I will get rejected, she's too good for me. Any advice. I was reading through the book Relationship OCD and it says infatuation isn't a good thing to base a relationship off and this actually triggered me more. Any ideas of how to allow this OCD pattern?