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I’m so tired of this. Life shouldn’t be like this and I think I’m just at my breaking point. I just want to live a normal life and be happy but I guess you can’t get everything you hope for. I pray every night for God to just take me. I want to live but not like this.

My psychiatrist hasn’t officially diagnosed me yet, but mentioned that I could have OCD (suicidal OCD). The more I look into it, the more I relate to Relationship OCD. As I look back at my old journal, I feel like I can totally see the possibility of me having relationship OCD. I’m curious if these count as obsessions: 1. Fear that the relationship was going to end (it did) 2. Fear that I was going to say or do something to make him stop loving me 3. Fear I made him an idol in my life (Scrupulosity OCD) The relationship caused me so much distress. I could not stop worrying about the relationship all the time and couldn’t think about schoolwork or anything else. Do these count as compulsions: 1. Constantly having conversations with him & others about the relationship 2. Constantly praying & journaling about the relationship I meet with a psychiatrist tomorrow for an ADHD assessment but I’m so interested in learning about all this stuff & figuring it out… which I read could be a compulsion. Would appreciate any comments!

Hi, I’m Cede. I am 15 years old and I’m greatly concerned if I have OCD. I do so many things that relate to others with OCD, and find myself constantly matching symptoms of it. But I feel like if I bring this up to my mother she will tell me I’m making it all up in my head, or say something stupid like “it’s because of that darn phone” I was hoping to find people here who do have OCD and see what their thoughts are. And hopefully find my answer. These things have been happening as long as I can remember. They started out as a few things but now they’re building and getting worse. Stuff I do that I believe is OCD related: -When I was younger and believed in good and praying, I would have to triple check I prayed for all my family and friends. Or I thought they would die. I would panic every night. (Age 4-9?) -When praying I would also pray that specific things wouldn’t happen to me. Ex: “dear god, please don’t let me get kidnapped tomorrow” -I got into a car crash when I was younger while I was asleep, ever ever since then I wouldn’t allow myself to fall asleep because I thought me sleeping caused us to crash -I would (still do) see the spray paint on cement and imagine if the line extended. I would have to avoid those spots or I’d feel panicked or think a bad thing was soon to come -I skip count by 2’s, 5’s, and 10’s when anxious, or something like it. -I have to hold my breath while crossing the street because I think something bad will happen if I breathe before I’m across -I have to run half way across a street before a certain light changes otherwise I’m convinced Doom is released upon me -I will randomly feel dirty in my body. Typically my hands. I will wash and wash them till the “bad” is gone. -I have the habit of over showering because I feel like when I sleep “bad” is layered all over me and showering will get it off -when making a timer for something it needs to only be “good” numbers (minutes) with a “good”number for the seconds. Ex: 11 min and 44 seconds -Numbers, Colors, Letters, and shapes all are split into feeling “good” or “bad” ex: 6 is very bad. It’s like a dirty feeling almost -I refuse to go into stores that feel “bad” or “dirty”. Like the AIR feels dirty to me, even if I know it’s clean -If I push my bedroom door shut before it closes I need to run to a carpet and stand on only my right leg or get to my stairs or I feel like something bad will happen -I will rewrite a letter or something till it feels it’s done “just right” -when walking on tiles I can’t step on lines. But also I don’t like how they’re spaced. My right foot is always stepping on one part of them and my left on another. It’s not fairly balanced. And that causes me to rewalk or step there again. And it causes me to panic and sometimes tear up. -if I only get one hand wet I need to get the other just as wet before drying them off or I can’t leave the place I’m in. -if one nail breaks on one hand ex:pointer on right, I need to cut the other one down to that length as well. Or I can’t function -when I’m sick I convince myself I’m going to die in my sleep (I’m literally sick rn and refusing to go to bed because I’m convinced my family will find me dead) -I have asthma and I sometimes think it gets so bad I’ll want to write “I love you” notes to my family because I’m going to die from not breathing in my sleep -I think I forgot something so I have to check it a few times to make sure I have it or done something -I won’t take medication unless my mother gets it for me, because I think I’ll accidentally over dose. And sometimes I’ll be worried to take it even from her (Tw for these because they’re intrusive thoughts) -I’ll be looking at my dog or a little kid and have the most vivid and violent visions of them. Ex: I will see myself bashing my dogs brain with my foot -I will have intrusive thoughts if me specializing myself to older adults, even family. Like guys. I don’t even want to give an example because it’s disgusting.. -I’ll get intrusive thoughts of me unaliving myself and writing su’cide letters to people -I will get an intrusive thought of me taking too much medication There’s still so much, but I’m sick and tired. If anyone who has OCD can let me know if it sounds like I have it please tell me. I want to figure this out. Have a good day! -Cd

So I was given fluoxetine for my OCD and I'm worried because you know I'm a Christian and I do believe one day God can heal me but what do I do with my meds my mental health doctor prescribed it to me I was wondering should I keep taking it many say I shouldn't because it is too much serotonin and it doesn't help like natural serotonin and now I'm worried

Any Christians on here? How do I do ERP for SO OCD? I feel like it's goes against God when purposely filling my mind with these thoughts. Any tips or advice to overcome? Thanks.

I can’t say that I have OCD but I’ve seen the various themes and I feel as I have it and well my life has been very crazy for the last 5 days. Right now I’m struggling with harm and somewhat religious ocd I’d say and becuase of the thoughts I have gotten panic/anxiety attacks and can’t keep myself from shaking and feeling very hot or cold becuase of these thoughts. I have also dealt with health, sexual orientation, etc in the past. But harm and religious ocd has really shaken me like crazy I’ve had thoughts of harming my mother and yk I don’t wanna say the word but yk it and I get really scared that maybe that my mind really wants to do it but I today I cried for the first time in such a while thinking about my mom and it kinda gave me relief because I seriously felt I have lost my emotions but I feel way more relaxed and joining this app today and seeing people’s experiences has given me hope

I’ve always had a feeling of having OCD but I’ve never been sure. I’m a teenager, and I’m hoping people on this app can help me try to figure out if I have OCD or I’m just crazy. Starting off with these terrible thoughts I have all the time. Someone can come home late and I immediately think they got into a car wreck, and check my phone for recent car crashes and other thing etc. etc. number 2, I always have intrusive thoughts, terrible ones ever since I was a kid I can’t control. I immediately feel like thinking these will lead god to hate me, and that he made an imperfection on me. And every time I try to hide these thoughts away, like right now they’re coming out I just can’t stop thinking of them and it’s so hard to do anything. Just thoughts like, “you hate your mom” or, “you hate god” and stuff that scares me like spiders. It’s hard to do anything with these thoughts. I’m also a major perfectionist, if anything is out of order I freak out. Yes, my room is messy. But I feel a sense of incompleteness and anxiety if I don’t empty the dishwasher, or don’t clean dirty dishes around the sink. These are recent and I feel like God will punish me for committing the sin of laziness. I also have a thing with the number 5, when I touch something it needs to be 5 times and if it’s not 5 times I freak out. I’m also terrified of getting sick, every time my friend is sick I freak out and don’t get near them the entire day, constantly washing my hands. Writing this is triggering a lot of my terrible thoughts and I don’t want to continue writing. Please let me know your thoughts, mental illness runs in my family but my mom is constantly telling me there’s nothing wrong with me. Maybe she’s right.

My OCD seems to take things way too literally and make reason out of everything. I’ll see something that sort of relates to the topic of my OCD and think it’s a sign that applies to me and think “well if it’s not true why did I see that then”. Lately I’ve been struggling with the fact that “everything happens for a reason”. I am a Christian and cherish my relationship with God very much. Because everything happens for a reason, does this mean that every time I see something related to my OCD God wants me to have these thoughts? I suffer with false memory OCD. Are these signs God telling me I actually did do something bad in my past or is this just OCD playing tricks on me. I’m just really confused because I know God does create coincidence. So am I seeing these things because I did something bad? Ugh OCD is so hard. I just feel like my brain is in a big scramble and I just can’t seem to make sense out of reality. My thoughts feel so real

Lately Ive been having blasphemous intrusive thoughts I wonder if God knows about my OCD and that I would never willingly think these things I'm constantly asking for forgiveness and sometimes I feel like I go searching for these thoughts just to have something to obsess over Uuuuugh!!

I mean like we believe in the devil and demons, then you hear that others on social media talks about ocd being a demon possession, or any mental illness being a demon, and if you believe that and it helps you, do it, but this makes me more paranoid. I just let my tiktok algoritm become more christian but then it ended up being this "we call everything a sin and a demon" type of videos which made me question if im really a good person and saved, and now im even afraid of demons, that they are attacking me and thats why im dealing with fear, and it just scares me, it became so bad that i start to get paranoid like im sure you experienced that when you think youve seen something in the corner of your eye, like something moved, and this just worsenes the fear... i know im dealing with fear but you know my mind still makes up shit... As a christian its really hard to deal with ocd, cause we do believe in demons but we cant view mental illness as possession, it just doesnt help, and i got to a point where i started questioning everything i hear about the bible and then i realized maybe its not a good thing tho, so i started to learn about things and now im back at fearing demons and that i have a demon or i can be posessed in the future. Same with sins, legalist people made me angry so i just ignored everything they said but then i realized maybe its egoistic to think everything they say its just legalism, and i went back learning about it and now im having this legalist/is this a sin or not problem. It feels like im on a spiral, i always come back to fear demons and fear that what i do is actually a sin and i live a sinful life

I am dealing with really intense scrupulous relationship OCD. Idk if anyone else can relate but I have this debilitating fear God wants me to break up with my bf and it’s so difficult because I know I am a bit codependent and don’t spend enough time with God as I should. I know he is a jealous God and I keep thinking “what if God wants me to…” and getting intrusive thoughts masking as the Holy Spirit. I know I’m not as close with God as I should be, but I’m doing devotions and really trying, I just can’t hear his voice over all the anxious thoughts.

Hey guys so I’m new to this. I struggle really bad with religious ocd on top of other themes of ocd i have. But the religious ocd and POCD I have are definitely the hardest two. Today was so hard for me because I was freaking out all day about the eclipse and if it was the end of the world. I grew of in a very strict church and being gay was not acceptable so now I feel I’m morally wrong and unlovable in a sense. I don’t really know how to explain it. Wether it was from my youth pastor outing me on stage in front of all of my friends and hundreds of students, to them praying over me for years on end, before I finally left the church. Yet I still question if my salvation is safe or not. I question if God loves me etc. it gets so bad that I’m convinced everything I do is because I’m possessed by a demon. And I’ll start to vomit. Literally vomit. It sounds wild I know. Wether it’s music my ocd deems demonic or movies or spiritual things such as tarot cards that I enjoy. But my mind will convince me if I use them I will go to hell because that’s what I was taught for so long. I just wish I could get better but I don’t know how and I’m so hopeless.

I'm 17 and I was just wondering if it's OCD to think all of a sudden ' promise ok your pets life to go from one room to another within 30 seconds.' I used to be really scared and in Hinduism materialistic things (anything from sound sight touch taste smell etc) are ignoranve distracting you from god so I thought that by giving up things like not having chocolate for a day, not listening to music, etc I would be making 'sacrificws' to keep my rabbits alive. But then I started thinking things like 'promise on your rabbits life to eat this sweet for example' even if initially I was avoiding it because pleasures from taste are igorance. But now I keep getting it many times a day 'promise on your rabbits life to do this, do that, etc.' it's really interfering with studying and I have an offer for med school 🙏 but I'm not sure I'll be able to go

So I grew up catholic but pretty much rejected the religion a while back but I still keep some aspects of it with me that help me feel safer (such as having images of virgin mary). I dont think I could ever rlly go back to being “fully” catholic but Ive been wondering if anyone has any experiences with religion helping with their ocd? Theres a part of me that really wants to turn to religion to help in my healing journey but I just wanted to know if anyone had any advice in the matter or any tips??

Everything I see I turn it into a sign, I saw a post of someone talking about brain aneurysms, and I took that as God telling me that I’m bout to have one, I can accidentally play a song on Spotify and assume that that’s God way of telling me that my life is going to be just like that song. I could stub my toe and think I’m going to lose that toe in the future. Literally everything I do I turn it into a sign it’s becoming exhausting. I don’t know what’s real and what’s fake. Not sure if this is ocd let me know if you experience this.

Does anyone else ever question if/doubt that their feelings are real? I've been doing that near constantly for a long time now, and it causes a LOT of distress (at least I THINK it's distress). Lately when I feel spiritual and read my scriptures, pray, or watch a religious message, or get the urge to, my brain says, "What if you're only doing this out of compulsion, not cuz you really want to?? What if your spiritual feelings are fake?" It hurts a lot to feel that way. Years ago my OCD was causing me to do insane scrupulous rituals, and in the aftermath, my concept of OCD rituals and healthy, spiritually uplifting rituals got crossed. :/ Like, "Is that the Holy Ghost or are you just being mentally ill again?" There are other feelings that my brains doubts, but spiritual ones are the most distressing.

I’m trying so hard to be optimistic and have good faith in God but sometimes I wonder is he really going to help me out

I've been living with OCD for over a decade now. I've tried various methods, seen therapists for several years (and still am), started taking medication in the recent months, and turned to Christianity, hoping to harness the power of religion to aid myself. I've tried all sorts of approaches. What I want to say is that many times, I've felt these methods were helpful, especially since I began taking medication in the past few months. However, I still experience lapses every so often, like in the last four days where I've spent most of my days ruminating. I'm feeling quite down at the moment. Previously, during lapses, I would remind myself to look on the bright side and live in the moment, starting self-care right from the now. But having it continue for four days straight, I've really started to lose some of my confidence. I wonder why, despite doing so much, I still experience such severe lapses. And now, I find myself somewhat unwilling to come out of it. I hope you all can offer me some words of encouragement. Thank you!

Does anyone ever get confused of what’s an actual conviction versus the OCD instilling fear/ guilt? Sometimes it’s hard for me to discern the difference

How do you guys deal with religious OCD? I don’t wanna go to hell.. i’m so scared of blasphemous thoughts.. i feel like i force horrible blasphemous thoughts.. what am i evil? i’m seriously about to cry cause God please help me.. somebody please just help me