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There are so many signs I'm a lesbian but I don't want to be.

idk how to even make this make sense but i’m gonna try so i think i’ve convinced myself that im like afraid of more feminine men??? especially straight ones. like i was watching a tik tok of this guy who i would consider pretty feminine and he was talking abt his girlfriend and all of a sudden i just felt really weird??? and today i saw a more feminine guy holding hands with a girl walking around town and got that same feeling again. idk what’s even wrong. i don’t think it’s bad for guys to be feminine at all. if anything im glad people are able to express themselves the way they want. i’ve mentioned in my others posts that im scared of being a lesbian bc that means i won’t like my bf and i think im forcing myself to think im like hyper straight and super feminine and maybe im pushing that onto how i view other people?? like i think that if i look or act even a little bit lesbian then i am. but how does one even look or act lesbian?? anyone can be a lesbian!!! now i’m worried that if my bf does something more feminine i won’t like him. i feel so stressed sexuality literally does not matter why am i freaking out!!!! as long i like love him and he loves me nothing is wrong and it’s not wrong for other people to love who they love either!!! sorry if this absolutely made no sense i tried to explain it the way im feeling it. i’m scared that im like being homophobic or something but im not!! i genuinely think love is such a beautiful thing and that you should get to be with whoever you’re attracted to even if it’s a feminine man (which there’s nothing wrong with at all) i just don’t know why these feelings don’t align with my views. im sorry

Its a very anxious night for me as a parent. I went to tuck my child in and i worried with groinal responses i still hugged my child goodnight than worried did i brush up or lean toward them inappropriately and then she was sad i was leaving. I wanted another hug so i hugged her again and ocd tried saying i had bad intent. Its so exhausting fighting ocd as a parent in distress

I hate pocd so much… I hate it so much. I just want to be happy but this will never let me be happy. Idk if i only have pocd but my mind makes me think that i’m attracted to anyone I get close to. My mind doesn’t care how inappropriate it is. I hate this so much. I live with my family and I never go out. I’m stuck here with my thoughts and the people who trigger the thoughts. I hate saying that I feel so disgusting. I feel like a horrible disgusting person. I wanna live a happy life but I know itll never happen. I don’t want to kill myself but I wish I could just die. I just want it all to end. I don’t understand what caused this. Why me. I do believe that I can be a bad person sometimes. I’m so rude to my mom and I have a bad temper and no patience. I hate myself for it and I always try to blame my dad because he acted that way my whole childhood. What if this is my karma. I hate this so much. I wish I could just go to sleep and wake up without an ocd thought. Sometime I think about taking medication but i’ve seen people struggle with choosing the right one. And I’ve seen people taking them still struggle. This will truly never end. What if while taking medication the thoughts are still there and it was never ocd. Im so scared.

How do you guys cope when your obsessions target people you’re close to? I recently had a sexual thought about a friend of mine and it started snowballing. We’ve been texting more and my brain keeps saying that it’s flirty, and if I were in a situation to kiss her I would. She’s a close friend of mine and I didn’t have sexual thoughts about her until recently. They make me feel disgusting and guilty, and the onset made me feel like my body was on fire. It’s starting to latch on to other friends, and my brain is saying I’m “tempted” by them, and if they came on to me I would give in and like it. I had SO-OCD as a child, and did engage in some play kissing with friends before my SO-OCD happened. (My OCD latches on to that a lot too as proof that I’m gay). I remember the anxiety I had about what I had done with my friend, and this feeling I have now imagining kissing my friends feel similarly. I don’t usually write on here to avoid confessing and reassurance seeking, but I’m at a loss. I have a heavy feeling in my chest and I don’t want to have the thoughts, but part of me thinks I might be liking them and maybe it’s internalized homophobia. I could handle being bi, but the thoughts about my friends and losing control feels so wrong. I’m just confused and want to know how to process when OCD starts attaching to people I’m close to.

Does anyone ever experience their OCD themes shifting extremely quickly? This has been going on for the past few months. I keep flicking through health concern, contamination, psychosis and sexual orientation.

my brain keeps on trying to convince me I’m gay. Why do I care so much?? I’ve been sure of who I am for all my life, but ever since that thought that I could be something else appeared in my head. It’s ruined me completely, I’ve lost attraction to my preferred gender and overthink everything when talking to the same gender. I know pick about everything I’m feeling and ruminate on the past for evidence. I’ve always saw myself being with a man and having kids with a man. But now I guess my ocd (maybe it’s just denial idk) Is telling me I never wanted that and it was society or whatever. It makes me extremely uncomfy and very anxious. When I think about being gay that doesn’t feel right neither does being straight anymore since this theme. I just want to be normal again I hate this. I feel like I’ll never be in a relationship again ever because of this.

Hey guys so I was having really bad anxiety and asked my bf to hug me because I felt anxious and then he just started full on kissing me and looking up with me and I felt like I hated it and felt SEVERE anxiety. I feel like I truly am a lesbian, does intimacy or kissing make some of You guys anxious?? Im spiralling

I’m so scared all the time that maybe i am just in denial. The voice started one day and it never leeft. Whenn i was at my happiest in my relationship all i could hear was a voice being like ur a lesbian, u don’t even like men, everything is fake, nothing was real u just didn’t know it. Then we broke up and all the voices went away and i was devastated because i missed him. Fast forward 2 years we made it work again and i was so happy and now i’m happy the voices are back. But when i’m with him they go away a little, i naturally gravitate toward touching him and being around him and being turned on but then when i’m alone my head is like none of it was real, you hated it, you’re a lesbian, you only like women, you’re. not attracted to men anymore. Is this normal for SOCD? or am i just in denial? i’ve only ever dated men, and i’ve really loved my partners, being intimidate has never been hard. I don’t know what to do. It’s all i think about all day when i’m alone.

I don't. OCD has its pitfalls, its horrors, and its crippling themes. But why do I have to constantly focus on its harmful symptoms in order to overcome its harmful symptoms? My experience with OCD forced me to perseverate on so many meaningless things. Even worse, it forced me to RUMINATE on shameful, terrifying, and traumatic memories, thoughts, and feelings. I've obsessed over religion and morality, sexual orientation, cleanliness and illnesses. When I was in my teens, undiagnosed OCD lead me down the dreadful path of anorexia and bulimia. I was obsessed with my weight and fitness. I was thinking magically, forcing myself to knock three times on bona-fide wood with my right hand only to stop myself from jinxing something. I sometimes still repeat prayers, asking God to show me a sign regarding some unforeseeable event in the unknown distant future. I would say "God, if I'm going to get fired from work today, then let me find a parking spot!" Needless to say, I always found a parking spot and then went into work shaking like a leaf all day. Looking back, I wager that that alone helped me be one of the lowest performing employees in the lot. And oh boy, was I frightened as all get-out when I thought - believed - I was HOMOSEXUAL! (The audience gasps). What if, though, I wasn't homosexual... What if I was worse? What if I wanted to hurt... God, please no. I can't stop. It won't stop. MAKE IT STOP! How do I stop this? I have no idea. I need to learn how to stop this. I need to learn. I need to learn everything. If I don't KNOW FOR SURE, then how can I BE sure that I am none of those things? How can I be sure nothing bad will happen? Maybe... Just maybe, I can Google the answer. I just have to be smart while doing research... (12 hours and many BS websites later) By this time, I haven't eaten, showered, brushed my teeth, slept, or drank water. I would crawl up and out of isolated research, checking, rechecking, rereading and reassuring myself... Only to later find out that my attempts at quelling the insatiable obsessions were in vain. My compulsive activities only bolstered my fears, and I lost all of my insight, leaving me paranoid and almost clinically psychotic. I felt hopeless, and so I drank into oblivion. Only when I was sloshed and seeing stars did I find peace and sleep (albeit very dissatisfying sleep, and the peace was just a lie I told myself until I believed it). I took medication that doctors told me would help, but I drank away all the benefits of those prescriptions. On the other hand... Did you know that anxiety is not just an emotion, but an instinct? We adapted it throughout evolution to help us survive before civilization. If you are a creationist, the idea still stands: it is an alarm that warms us when the enemy is near. Isn't that nifty information. I wonder how I can use that... Did you also know that perseveration is the umbrella term used for multiple psychological diagnoses that means to fixate on one thing - emotion, thoughts, or external things - for longer than normal periods of time? It's associated with autism, ADHD, OCD and other anxiety disorders, depression, and more. Fancy that. You know... now that I'm sober and continuing therapy, I look back on the dreadful days wasted obsessing over themes of my own design, acting compulsively to eliminate them only to find out I made them stronger, and I realize that I've actually learned quite a lot of useful information. Through compulsive checking, I accidentally learned how deeply rooted OCD is in my genes. Instead, I was trying to learn the signs of being 100% gay. Now I realize that I'm just some bisexual dude with anxiety. I also learned that mindfulness meditation isn't just a Buddhist idea. It actually spans across every continent, every culture, in different forms. Pacific Island cultures practiced a form of meditation where a person would focus their gaze on a single point, without looking away. Blinking was necessary, of course, but their goal was to notice things in their periphery, as muted and blurry as those things might be. How amazing is that? I don't want to beat OCD, but I certainly do not want to let OCD overtake me again. I would say that "OCD once beat me", but it didn't. If it truly won, then I wouldn't be able to share this with anyone. I wouldn't be able to look back and say to myself "That experience taught me a lot about myself and the nature of OCD." Today, I can share my experiences and knowledge with others and I can say with 100% certainty that there is hope. The light at the end of the tunnel does not need to be checked and turned off and on multiple times. Instead, it can be what it is - the light at the end of the tunnel. So, I've quit drinking for good. I am continuing therapy, and I am aiming to restart medication management on top of all that. OCD may have taken a lot of time, energy, and health from me in the past, and as much as I WANT to completely get rid of it... I can't. It is a terminal diagnosis... So, how can I use it to benefit others? Well, I'm doing that right now by writing this. If it has become an issue, then that is okay. Asking for help does not mean defeat; it means refusal to give up. Embrace the unknown, and go forward fearlessly.

If my OCD is trying to convince me I’m gay due to past compulsions. Every time I have that through I now repeat in my head that I’m straight several times to battle it. If I continue to do that am I just creating a compulsion??

hey has anyone ever had like groinal responses but it always happens at weird times? Like when someone is fighting, when ur mad, or when ur stressed out. i’m scared i get turned on by bad things happening. my parents just fought and my mind keeps trying to tell me that them doing that makes me happy and then i got a groinal response. really struggling with this lately.

Hello everyone. I recently discovered that I am bisexual and I've had a lot on my mind lately. One of my biggest worries would be if my parents found out. I come from a Christian household. Growing up Christian, I've never really discussed my sexuality until recently with my best friend who is also bi, as well as my therapist. I do at some point want to have that conversation but I need to get over the fear to an extent. Any tips?

My Ocd turns everything innocent and normal into something horrible. Sometimes when my daughter and I are watching tv she will want to play with and brush my hair. It feels so nice and relaxing or she will cuddle up and rub her feet on mine which is relaxing and makes me feel sleepy but ocd ruins it by telling me it’s inappropriate and that i’m enjoying something inappropriate. One day I saw a snapchat video my young grandson made of himself just out of the shower looking at himself shirtless in the mirror and I was thinking that he thinks he’s so cool and is probably going to flex like all boys do and laughed to myself but then the ocd kicked in and said that I was attracted to him and it made me so upset because I never have and don’t think of any child in that way. I don’t feel that way so how can ocd try to make me believe that I do?? How can ocd be more powerful than my own actual thoughts and feelings? This disorder is so debilitating and upsetting. I can’t live like this.

I hope someone can respond... Im genuinely so triggered and so anxious... This youtuber was accused of grooming a minor, making inappropriate sex jokes with a minor, and planning to meet up with him at dreamcon when the minor turned 16, talking about doing explicit stuff in the presence of minors, etc... this was all when the youtuber was 20 and the minor was 13... POCD is saying that my situation with me venting about 18+ HOCD stuff to people in the PM's on an OCD groupchat I found from NOCD, including minors, means that I am just as bad as they are... or worse... I pm'ed them from the support group and vented to them (including the minors) about my 18+ HOCD struggles... I dont ever want to ever be attracted to minors in any way... I dont ever want to ever engage in any inappropriate relations with minors in any way...

Tried to say "ok im just gonna accept that i'm gay" and you felt calm, like It was true and then It freaked you out wven more cause It felt real???

This post will be for people 18+ and it is a topic on sexual attraction, if you are comfortable you can read but it’s completely up to you. I know I’m not the only woman that watches lesbian love for pleasure as we are all humans and our hormones go up. I’ve been watching lesbian love for years now (about 3 years) and in most of that time, not once did I question my sexuality until someone asked me a question that triggered my overthinking. Today after watching that, I was asking myself questions like what it would feel like to do this with a woman? How would it feel like to be with one? And because these thoughts came to my mind I freaked out because I keep thinking that I like females but never in my life and even till this day have I ever fallen in love with a women or even thought about marrying a women one day. I always want to have a husband one day and at least have a kid or two. But lately all this questioning has me confused to the point where I question if I’m bi or lesbian and if I even have SOOCD or if it’s generally just me tryna figure out my sexuality or if I’m just in denial. I am also talking to a man romantically and whenever I’m around him I feel happy and I’m always excited to talk to him and he also makes my heart flutter and my body burn for him. But because of these recent thoughts I’ve been having, it just confuses me and adds some stress. Any tips for how I can go about this?

I just need to vent. I feel hopeless. When i think about guys i feel anxiety. That’s why im scared that I’m actually experiencing comphet. I dont feel anything for guys. But i also do not want to do anything with girls. But i do get thoughts that im gay. It feels real. It makes me so sad that i feel like this. It feels like i should accept my true identity. I cant anymore. Why does it feel like i know im gay and i just have to come out and admit that I’m gay? 😔 i think no one feels like this. I want to cry. I feel empty.

I get that you can’t fight the thoughts, otherwise they get way worse. No use arguing that, it’s OCD-101. lol. But agreeing with them can be damaging right? Especially with POCD and SO-OCD. I’ve accepted that I’ve had these thoughts and have stopped trying to fight them mostly, but I refuse to accept that the thoughts say anything about me. Is that the correct way of dealing with it? Agreeing with them seems like it truly would damage me and hurt my self-confidence.

I need to talk to someone, I basically believe that almost all I have experience to this point with my HOCD until now it was just OCD tricks and bullshit, but I have this one memory that it's killing me cause it happened before the HOCD, and it's me having a feeling like I could actually crush on a dude, I just had it for one moment one night, I'm not sure why, but I did had it, and this was before I had HOCD, I'm also pretty sure it's not a false memory and I don't know what to do