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i automatically compulsive imagined a trigger se*ually and "attractively". As soon as I saw that i felt automatically instant arousal, not in the groin, but in my mind, as if I experienced attractiveness. As soon as that happened I instantly felt dread and distress, i was panicking, because it happened without my control, automatically. Can someone explain this why and how it happened? And if it's normal. Or if I did something irredimable.

Hi. I'm a 25yr old female. Ever since I was a kid, I have had crushes on teachers and older men. For example I remember when I watched daddy day care I was only 5 and had a huge crush on eddie murphy. I was dreaming of him holding me on his lap. Then later had a crush on my teacher. And almost every single male figure in my life, that was even a little bit nice to me, and was attractive, I have had a crush on. Even doctors who were like 50, even if they werent that good looking but if they were just friendly. Usually it's not even sexual. It's from somehwere between and its weird. It's like I want to be taken care of and I want them to hug and give me attention and thats it. With some I desired to be their daughter. Well now it's really been triggering me because somehow my brain is mixing platonic and romantic love, and if I see a good looking father who is attractive and is treating their daughter right, I think "I wish I was that daughter" but somehow I also wish it was romantic at the same time??🤮 That is so twisted I know and I have tried to understand why my brain thinks this way. Because I know if he REALLY was my father I would never be attracted to him. I could never think of anything about my own dad 🤮. But somehow my brain can't comprehend that maybe their own kid doesnt have a crush on them even if I do. This is when it gets really triggering for me. Even if it would be a child. A girl. Still my brain goes "oh I wish I was her" "she must be so attracted to him" (like I am)I cant explain this its so weird. Like for example, I have had a celeb crush on chris martin since I was 9. And I believe its because he is so charismatic and loving. I remember to this day having these dreams where he would come to my house with roses. And when he had a daughter I was so jealous and I was like "she is so lucky to have him as a father" and at the same time it felt like she must be so attracted to him because I couldn't comprehend that maybe not EVERYONE is attracted to him even if I was. I'm feeling extremely awful because whenever I see a picture of them together I just get this weird feeling and my brain doesnt understand that they are a daughter and a father. Or if it does it still views their relationship as romantic. That is so weird and disgusting I know. I do have some issues with my father, he has not been very present and he is very unavailable emotionally, so i dont know if this somehow could be related to it.. but still its very disturbing. I know this is not only ocd because I have felt this way all my life and never been anxious about it, thought it was normal. I only realized it was not normal when I started to pay attention to my feelings more. Now its problematic, for example in school there are 2 male teachers, and I have a huge crush on both of them. I feel like a horrible person. I am so anxious because I have noticed that seeing a man with a daughter sometimes makes me feel turned on. That is so weird and disgusting. So my question is, does anyone else with a conplicated father relationship experience feelings like this? Do you mix romantic and platonic feelings? Or am i the only one? I fear this is proof of something horrible. It doesnt help that i have pocd and false memory so i feel like this only supports both of them. Guys if you reply its not giving reassurance because Im genuinely curious if anyone has experienced anything like this

This is so humilating and vulnerable but I will sometimes see a photo of a women and get aroused it goes to my bean lmao. When I’m with my boyfriend I feel more of a heartbeat where he enters and a strong desire like I need it. Are they both true? It bothers me I feel like I’m so weird. I hate it I can accept me being attracted to women but I don’t desire to do anything with them. I feel I fucked up my brain receptors bc I used to watch 🌽 and it started at the age of 8 and barely ended at the age of 18💔💔 I was confused I didn’t know I wish I never touched it. I feel idk what true arousal feels like. The thing that confuses me is the feeling I get when I see women is the same feeling when I have a dream. I don’t like it. With my boyfriend it’s a need a desire. With women I feel grossed out that I even feel like that. Idk why it’s like this I feel that watching from such a young age really messed me up and I focus so much on feeling arousal w my bf i feel I don’t let myself actually get to there. When I’m in the act it feels good and I enjoy it a lot . I just hate that this happens to me I want to be normal I want to get turned on by just kissing him but I can’t I. Only get rly aroused when we are doing something we shouldn’t be like doing stuff in public. I fear I feel this way abt women bc ik it’s wrong and I feel that way about a lot of things like a lot I don’t like it. I can get turned on by making my sims woohoo but I can’t when my bf kisses my thighs im so sad I want to normal I fucked myself up so bad. Does anyone else relate? This is so embarrassing omg I js need to know if anyone is similar bc this is my main trigger my main issue and it tortures me. Ik im not romantically attracted to women but the sexual part rly bothers me I SONT WANT THAT😭💔💔 pls don’t tell me im gay I’ll cry. Also can focusing on arousal be a part of somatic ocd? I’m wondering bc ik it focuses on what the body feels. Idk I just need to know what’s wrong w me seriously

18+ please (Mentions of 🌽) I've been having a really annoying pattern of seeing something that triggers my checking compulsion, usually an attractive woman my brain instantly objectifies and sexualises them and I'll usually say something (in my head) like "They're so pretty" to try and stop the objectification sometimes multiple times then I'll go on twitter or instagram (Maybe to do the checking compulsion without realising idk) then I'll see something that triggers my POCD that makes me not want to do the checking compulsion but at the same time reinforces the stress I feel which makes me want to do it to relieve stress (My checking compulsion is sometimes to porn and sometimes I'll destress if you know what I mean) and it's like this balancing act that's really irritating, I'm resisting it now but am not always so good at doing it and it makes me feel bad for giving into the compulsion. Most recently I was just watching a streamer who is an attractive woman (Objectively speaking, I'm fairly certain I'm asexual) and my brain did it's usual routine, then I went on twitter and saw more attractive women but also a Spider-Man comic cover with a character that is supposed to be 16 (and 3 other characters) in a weird situation that I think was trying to imply something sexual? (It was just the characters standing around but that seemed to be what other people where thinking as well). People where rightfully talking about how weird this was and someone posted another panel of the character and they were wearing their costume which is like a skintight black suit and you could see the outline of their butt and it triggered me because I got worried I would sexualise it (Which I think I did by being afraid of that happening) and I double checked to make sure it wasn't sexualising her because that's one of my big fears, I don't think it was but it was certainly a bit weird anyway, I clicked off the post and moved on and saw more attractive women that was again reinforcing the checking compulsion and then a drawing of Batman and Robin and Robin is wearing those really weird shorts and my eyeline went there accidentally and again I think I sexualised it and I just wish my brain wasn't like this (I think I also noticed the artist drew a bulge which weirded me out but I could be wrong)

All sorts of things bother me. I can’t even name them. I feel so alone, and I don’t really have many hocd thoughts. But I keep thinking about what’s wrong with me. I really wouldn’t want to be asexual or aromantic — I feel like there is a desire inside me to be close to someone, more intimately, safely. Of course I often think about sex too. I’m 21, and it honestly hurts that even people younger than me experience love, relationships, closeness. And I feel like I can’t, like I’ll never fall in love. And at the same time I hope I’m not a lesbian :( I hope I’m not just forcing myself to be straight, like what if I’m only imagining that I’m straight. I feel like I can’t talk about the topic of men with anyone — I feel anxiety and start getting uncomfortable because I feel like I’m lying to myself, that I’m not straight. And I’m scared that this is a sign that I’m not into men. Because if I were straight, I probably wouldn’t have these feelings, right? But then I imagine a man’s hands caressing me, hugging me… and I actually tend to imagine intimate things with a man. But in real life I don’t like anyone. And if someone would told me to try to find someone, to download a dating app for example, to reach out to someone — suddenly I feel like I don’t want to, like I want to run away, and I start feeling sick. But at the same time I have no desire to date women either, I’ve never wanted a relationship with a woman. I’d rather not even think about it. I keep testing it in my head. Whenever love or relationships are mentioned, I feel like running away. But why do I feel some kind of longing inside, or want to not be left out of that feeling? To also have the chance to love, to experience a relationship, maybe even s*x if I felt trust and closeness. But I really don’t understand any of this anymore. Maybe I’m just too emotional today and it hurts me inside. I really wouldn’t want to find out that I’m a lesbian. Because I’m not even interested in looking for women. I never have been. I never had a reason to. I only admired women and wanted to be like them and yea i like my friends but that’s it. It troubles me. I guess I don’t know what love is. At the same time, why did I have that thought recently about that one man, a long time ago — just the image of him giving me a kiss on my forehead, and then later the idea that he gave me flowers, and it made me cry. I felt it in my chest. And even when I remembered it later during the day, I didn’t feel uncomfortable. It felt good. Like it warmed my heart a little. But I’m scared that it’s fake. And what if men actually disgust me. 💔

Guys I need help issues I've been going through and I honestly need help because if I was masturbating earlier today and it's felt like I purposely thought of my father why it's just I don't know why I just did and I feel so weirded out by it it's just like my thought just starting you know I don't know how to explain it it was just that was doing it and then my brain just focused on that instead my for some reason like it felt like I chose to think it's I am sorry if I'm not explaining it well but I feel like a weirdo and I don't want to be near my family anymore like I've been going through a lot and this is just horrible it's just like I chose to thank the thought and it felt like I wanted it and I feel so weird at all if someone had the same issue please let me know I just want to know I'm not alone in this it's not even that I also had sexuality issues because recently I've been down a spiral of looking at transgender and feminine men content and it's just like confusing for me I think it's just because my brain makes association of men that just made me think of my dad because I'm 18 and young and I'm on explorer myself so after I do it to be so types I honestly just feel shame and regret I don't think I am gay at least not that I know because afterwards I don't really like it but I just feel shame when I do it but also I feel so horrible because it felt like I thotght it on purpose like it's just I don't know how to explain it I just thought it and now I'm afraid

I want to know whats the worst thoughts / content you ever got and how you got through it , and what about your relationship? Because I’m currently having thoughts that go like “imagine xyz act “ (sexual ocd) and it can throw in things like my bf friends names or even continue the statement like that and it bothers me so much . I feel like I’m going numb yet at the same time I feel really sad and depressed about it

Can someone please help me understand if ocd can do this, I have moments I find my partner really attractive and then it just disappears, we could be laying beside each other and my head starts making me feel like it’s wrong and that I don’t want to be with him because he’s a man, I can’t describe what is happening in my head but all I know is I’ve never felt this ever in my life until this came along. Every time I think of him I get this horrible feeling in my stomach, this whole time all I’ve wanted is for this to go away and get better so I can get back to how I used to be with my boyfriend but now I get this horrible feeling in my stomach like I don’t want it to get better anymore when I try think about it. I don’t know this is scaring me so much and I just don’t know if this is even normal for OCD. This doesn’t happen all the time but today it is really bad and I’m feeling so lost. The thing is I still want to be close to him I still want to be cuddling him but at the same time it’s making me feel all these things.

I was going share a soda with my fam member. I do not usually drink soda but i decided to say yes today. I randomly got a thought while waiting for her to bring a can that said "this kinda reminds me as if you were to withhold doing the deed (inappropriate) and you finally said yes and shes all excited" I was about to say no to the thought bc it gave me anxiety. I felt a deep pit in my stomach that felt very uncomfortable but felt no pleasure, no arousal, no happiness, but it confused me bc it felt weird bc no panic and i was trying to figure out what it meant. Then i said "wait no. I do like this thought. I want to keep thinking this in the future and would miss it if it leaves." And it felt like i meant it but when i said that answer it ALSO felt wrong and i felt confused and nervous. Then ocd said "you sexualized her. You want to keep doing that in the future. You literally just admitted it. You also admitted you are attracted to her." And i immediately started to spiral bad and regretted saying that. Why did i say that?! Like 6 hours i was doing all sorts of compulsions and crying and having panic attacks and trembling. And then all night I was awake and couldnt sleep. I felt so guilty, like why did I agree with that thought for a few seconds? It wasnt an intrusive thought when **I** said "no wait i do like it?" But it still felt wrong and confusing and i was nervous bc I still felt the pit in my stomach! Did I sexualize her??? And do i want to think of her in thay way? Am i attracted to her??? Im so scared its all I can think about and I cant eat, sleep, or think about anything else!

Is nausea normal with ROCD? I could literally just be on a video call with my bf and I’m nauseous. I’m not even thinking about anything specific/no intrusive thoughts. So why am I nauseous? The nausea itself leads to anxiety. Why am I nauseous. Do I not love him? I just wrote him a small love letter cuz he’s having a hard time. Even being with him physically makes me nauseous when it never used to. I love being around him. I love cuddling. Smelling him. Sorry that sounds weird lol. But even touching him in certain places (mostly his chest) makes me worry I’m actually a lesbian and it’s finally breaking through and the nausea is a sign but I don’t think that’s the case. Lesbians don’t like men at all. I do. I enjoy his company romantically. I wanna go watch the sunset with him. Kiss in the rain. Cuddle under the sheets while it snows. Etc. and I enjoy having sex with him. Him specifically. I like touching his body during it I like looking at him. I don’t want it to end once we get going. With my anxiety and ocd it’s hard getting in the mood. Even if I mentally want to my body is like “no” and my brain is like “see. You’re not turned on.” Which reinforces the cycle. This is my first long term relationship so idk what I should be feeling. It’s hard to picture the future cuz I’ve never had to plan one with someone. I can kinda see an apartment. How we share holidays (interfaith) having friends and family over. Maybe we’ll be where we are now. Maybe we’ll be in another country (I wanna go to med school, I’m applying anywhere lol. Except the US. Naur). But like. Specifics are hard. I just know I want to drag him along with me lol (lovingly, I want him to be there. He makes life easy). Maybe my birth control is playing into this. I don’t feel things as intensely anymore. I’ve had it for like a year now. Anyways. I wanna see what the future holds for us but im terrified im gonna like leave him at the altar or smthn or randomly fall out of love. Im worried I already have cuz I’ve been randomly angry, not at him more at his situation, plans get interrupted, Ik it’s out of his control. He literally cannot afford the 3 prescription meds he needs nor a cpap machine for his sleep apnea (love the man but lord he snores like a train😭😭😭). He always makes it up to me. If he didn’t then we’d be having a different convo. I’m not used to being in a state of calm in dating. I’ve never planned to get engaged till him. I’m worried I’m wanting to get married and engaged just to have those things not cuz I wanna be with him. How can I tell the difference?

Feeling really discouraged today and wanted to update after my last post. I honestly thought I was starting to get better. I was having more moments where I felt the way I wanted to feel. The thoughts weren’t as intense, I felt happier, and I wasn’t feeling anxious around my boyfriend whether I was thinking of him or spending time with him. But right after I made that post, it’s like everything flipped. I woke up the next day and the last few days have been some of the worst. All the negative feelings came rushing back. When I think about my boyfriend now, it’s just fear, doubt, and that horrible “off” feeling again. I haven’t had any moments of clarity or relief just constant anxiety, nonstop thoughts, and doubts about everything. It’s gotten to the point where I’m scared this isn’t OCD anymore, and that maybe this is just who I am now. I feel like I’ve lost the old me and I’m terrified I won’t get back to that version of myself. Just needed to share this because it’s been so heavy, and I’m hoping someone might relate or have been through a similar setback.

I’ve been through a really tough year, especially with OCD, and I want to be open about it in case it helps someone else feel less alone. If anything I share resonates, feel free to comment. My OCD first showed up as sexual-orientation OCD while I was studying abroad in Spain. My program had mostly girls, and my home university is also a very LGBTQ-friendly campus. Being in spaces where sexuality was talked about so openly made me feel pressured to “figure out” my orientation with certainty, which fueled the OCD spiral. At the same time, I was dealing with health OCD around concussions, so everything piled up. In August 2024, after a confusing conversation with a friend, I met a man I have a very deep emotional connection with — a connection that honestly has never gone away. I believed, and part of me still believes, that it was a “twin flame” connection. But the intensity of it triggered multiple OCD themes: sexual-orientation OCD, relationship OCD, existential and religious OCD, and magical thinking. I went down a lot of rabbit holes trying to make sense of it. Around the same time, I started noticing more dysfunction in my family, especially with my mom, and things eventually blew up. The fight we had escalated, and while I don’t want to go into detail, it did get to a point where I felt like my personal space and property were being invaded. I didn’t feel emotionally safe, so I wanted to leave. I ended up staying with my grandparents in Nashville, where I fell into isolation and depression. I put a lot of emotional weight on the man I have the connection with, which led him to set boundaries, and I spiraled even more. My grandparents eventually said I needed to return home, but my mom would only let me come back if I got off Prozac and signed papers giving her control over my medication, which I’m not comfortable with. So now I’m staying at a friend’s apartment on an air mattress while I try to get into a PHP program for OCD and figure out insurance and independence. There were also moments when intrusive thoughts felt like psychic “visions,” which scared me and led me to say things I now regret. My family doesn’t understand OCD and thinks I’m faking or self-diagnosing, which has been incredibly painful. I’m not in the best place mentally, emotionally, or financially, but I’m sharing this because I want this space to feel safe for others too. I also wish I had gotten help sooner. My biggest compulsion right now is using ChatGPT for reassurance before making decisions — which is even why I’m using it to shorten this post. But I’m trying to break that cycle and focus on real recovery. Thanks for reading if you made it here💓💓

It’s 4:30 am lol My brain is spinning a bit I’ll say Idk I keep worrying I don’t feel enough or I’m not excited enough to be with my partner long term. I’m worried I’m only thinking of him as a means to an end/an obligation. But it’s not Yes part of me wants to live with him so I can get out of my dorm but I wanna live with him cuz I love him and he’s fun. I hate when he has to go home and he can’t stay over. I want him to stay here with me. Cuddle all night. Idk the lack of butterflies makes my brain panic. The fact I’m not excited all the time makes my brain panic Makes it worry I’d be better off with someone else- another man? A woman? I get nauseous at the thought of either. I get nauseous around him too so idk what’s real. I kinda do tho? Looking at him makes me feel safe and warm but my body keeps making me nauseous when I don’t want to be. I try not to focus on it but it keeps coming back It makes everything so confusing. I just know I want him. That’s it. I don’t care about anyone else romantically. I’m scared thatll change. That at 60 I’ll drop everything for someone else. I don’t want to. I don’t feel warm and fuzzy telling him I love him- is that normal? It still feels nice to say it and to hear it. I think we’re so used to saying it to each other. Same goes for nicknames lol. No warm and fuzzy feelings when he calls me honey or habibti (he speaks Arabic lol) but I still love it. It feels surreal that we’ve been together almost 2 years. Idk. I’m worried I’m not happy enough about that but I cry tears of joy thinking about how far we’ve come and how far we have yet to go. I love running my hands through his hair. Recently I’ve been overthinking touching him. I avoid the pec area a lot cuz I’m worried if I touch it I’ll think of women. It’s never made me uncomfortable before but now it does. Which is annoying. I’m kinda trying to re integrate ig? I’m worried I’m touching him wrong or smthn. It’s never bothered me before but with my recent soocd it’s kinda tripping me the fuck up yknow??? I adore him. I love his body. He’s hot. He’s funny. He’s got nice muscles. He’s soft. Warm. Why am I suddenly feeling weird about certain parts? Is this normal in ocd? Hopefully someone takes the time to read all of this I genuinely do love him but I’m so worried I’m actually a liar and repulsed by his body. The first time I saw him shirtless all I wanted to do was run my hands all over him. Hold him close. Clearly I am not a lesbian. Now I still do, just not in an aggressively horny way like when we first got together LOL. It’s still horny, when we get going, yay responsive desire. But most of the time it’s just touching and cuddling. Idk I feel like I’m going crazy

Has anyone recovered from SO OCD? It feels like I’ll be trapped with these thoughts forever.

this theme is legit the worst. i hate that i’m pulling away from people i love and isolating myself because of this. i just want the worries and doubts to go away but idk how to sit with it when it feels so convincing. how am i supposed to accept uncertainty on something that goes completely against my morals and something i couldn’t live with if it were true? why do false attraction and groinals feel so damn real sometimes and how am i supposed to know the difference? i just feel scared to open up about this and confirming my worst fears.

I'm so scared at the idea of ERP because I feel like I'm lying to myself. Which I know is textbook but I feel like I have urges to think about these sexually explicit images for my own gratification. Which is so strange because I tell myself I don't want that. I love my girlfriend. And I know I don't want these things to happen but I'm scared that I want the thoughts. And that the whole concept of thinking about them intentionally will result in me enjoying them and wanting them. I want this to be over. I feel terrible every day but that doesn't mean I'm innocent. Anyone have any advice on how to tackle ERP with this in mind. I want this to end.

I was petting a dog and my brain sexualized it but I continued. I didn’t do anything wrong to the dog and I never would but it’s like I still mentally indulged even tho it’s still not me as a person?? Unless it is bc I still indulged ? Help!

Recently, ocd attached itself to my boundaries and preferences making me atuck in a cycle of “is this mine or iis it aomeone else’s boundary/preference because I do not want to disappoint them?” I came to final conclusion that hey this is both me and the external factor. So boundary/preference is mine (I talked with chat gbt about this to sort mt thoughts). And basically I tried imagining being with a man who is opposite of my preference and man…I couldn’t. It either went to consequences of someone not accepting (external factor) but I genuinely tried imagining myself with that kind of a man in a relationship without any consequences and I couldn’t. Like I just couldn’t. I tried but I couldn’t. I would either stop the imaginary story real quick or I would feel my body just reacting as a no. So it is a no. And that is how I came to conclusion that this is mine boundary/preference that comes from me not wanting and just agreeing to the external factors. I guess I am just trying to make sure that this makes sense why not. Also, I feel the best (like safest, most good) with setting this boundary/preference. Not setting it feels…no. Just no. I don’t feel good or safe with it (safe as in comfortable and good). Also, I compared it to other times when I wanted something but I was afraid of rejection too, I remember wanting it and clearly being scared of the rejection. In this case, this is not the same. And that is how I also realized further that hey, I do jot actually want this. Also, this was an ocd obsession. Helped me learn new vocabulary and learn something about boundaries and that they can be made of many factors. However, the boundary/preference stayed the same. I do not actually want this.

Crazy how 4 months ago I didn’t remember any of the memories I worry ab now (esp the one I posted ab a couple of days ago) and now it’s all I can think about. I feel like i’m just in some serious denial, there’s too much proof. That memory just makes it even worse. Ik it’s been gone for years but i just want my attraction/libido back. Like FULLY back. Prior to SOOCD I would literally foam at the mouth looking at boy bands Ik that has to mean something 😭. I found my boyfriend attractive before the numbness and ocd took over again. I’m just so tired. I hope the meds make things easier for me. I’m so worried that I’ll have to breakup with my bf if this continues. I was looking forward to this relationship but now I feel like a liar, esp bc of how ocd messed with me in the beginning of it. It makes me feel like I never truly liked him. He doesn’t deserve someone like me. He deserves someone completely sure about who they are and their feelings/attraction for him. If it ends up getting to a point where I can’t get better, and I feel like I need to breakup with him, I’m afraid he won’t even want to be my friend afterwards. I really do cherish the friendship we have/had. He’s literally the only person who stuck by me. He would remember my birthday and bring me gifts even when we would rarely talk bc of school (mostly depression for me I’m bad at texting ppl). He would go out of his way to call me EVEN when I was mean to him for a while (not an excuse but I was v depressed and wanted to be left alone). Everything just haunts me now. What happened in that memory wasn’t normal for a straight girl😭but i know for a fact I never was attracted to my friend. She was my best friend at the time, and I knew her since elementary school, but I never felt those crush feelings for her. Like being with her in a romantic way or doing ANYTHING with her had never crossed my mind, even AFTER that whole tingly groinal response incident. I just remember being confused, uncomfortable, and scared because I literally felt nothing for her in that way. I don’t know if it was bc I was uncomfortable, focusing on the fact that she was sitting on my groin, had an image pop up in my head (cant rmbr exactly), felt pressure on my groin, if it was my undiagnosed OCD mind at work (i did had some weird random groinal responses w other things), or that I thought the position was sexual and was just stiff and weirded out, but I just want it to leave me alone 😭. When SOOCD was giving me a break I literally felt almost cured, I just needed my attraction and libido back. My boyfriend started waking it up again. But even then I was still numb and my compulsions/ocd was still clawing for control, making me feel nothing sometimes. Now that my attraction is numbed/dulled towards my bf I just feel frustrated. There’s times like today where I can feel it for like a couple seconds n my mind ks back in numb mode. He sent me pictures and I felt a dull “oh he’s cute” but it lasted for a minute bc I felt so aware (if that makes sense). Then I started to get thoughts about “forcing” those feelings. I just don’t know anymore. All ik is that my prozac BETTER work so I can have an easier time following through on my erp. I need a break…6 years and this shit is still not over.