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haven’t done any therapy yet and would like to talk to someone who has before cause i’m nervous and i just saw a woman on tik tok say intrusive thoughts are just intuition and it was so scary.

Hey guys. So I just had a pretty big relapse in my ocd, the first one since I started going to therapy. At first it was hard to accept that I had gone back to old patterns, but I’m trying to look at it as a chance to do better for myself this time. A chance to handle it with compassion, kindness and regard for myself rather than the disgust and shame I felt during my first big ocd episode. Here are some things I’ve been doing that have helped: Epsom salt baths- what I’ve realized is that it doesn’t serve me to be anxious all the time. I need to calm my body down so I can feel hunger, and have moments of clarity. And these baths help a lot - the magnesium really helps relax and give you a moment to be comfortable in your body. Remember to eat and drink enough water. Right now, your mind is running wild and your body is responding as if it’s in fight or flight mode- make sure you’re taking care of yourself. Gratitude practice- I know that it can seem really hard to find the positive during a really intense OCD episode. But what I’ve found is that if I make the effort to recognize the good in my life, even if it’s as small as “I had the money to buy myself some epsom salts to take care of myself” or “I’m grateful for that sunset I just saw” has helped me keep my spirits more alive even if my brain wants to pull me into rumination. Crying - let yourself have a release. One thing I like to do is imagine my mom or an older version of myself coming in the room and comforting me. It helps to imagine what you would say to a loved one that just had the day you had. For example: if my head really hurts from ruminating all day - I’ll take the time to drink water and take some medicine. Then I’ll think about what I would say to someone who dealt with the stress, anxiety, and rumination that I just had that day. Well a lot of times (and we want to stay away from reassurance with this) I’ll say to myself “I can’t tell you whether or not your obsessions are true. But I can tell you that I love you and I’m here for you no matter what.” And I find this is a great way of reinforcing your relationship with self as you learn to trust your ability to navigate difficult flare ups. Holding your own hand, being the support you need, can make the world of a difference. Doing exposures in real life. I’ve found that doing exposures have made me feel empowered again, even if that only lasts for a little bit. I’ve found that not planning exposures as much and just going about my life saying “Right now, what would I do if I didn’t have ocd?” Or being spontaneous anyways even if it feels uncomfortable has helped. Look objectively at your day. Are you spending two hours laying in bed in the morning before you get up? Maybe eliminating that or paring it down intentionally will help you reduce rumination. Taking supplements - fish oil, b6 vitamin, vitamin c, vitamin d are all ones I take every day and help keep my immune system up and my brain functioning a bit better. Keep a feelings journal. Staying in touch with your emotions is really important. I’ve found it to really help me break out of ocd as I can say to it “I hear you, OCD. But my inner child is really sad right now, and I’m going to direct my attention towards her rather than engage in rumination.” At the end of the day we can’t help what our brains might want to do. They might want to ruminate, mentally review, make us afraid and anxious and have irrational doubts. But we can control the ways that we treat ourselves, and what we direct our attention towards. May we direct our attention towards the good in our lives, towards care and love and moments of peace, because that will start to being more of that in. You know what they say “What you focus on gets bigger”. And I would say that especially if you are dealing with ocd - you deserve even more love and compassion - and hopefully I’ve been able to give you some tips that might help foster that as well. Feel free to add your own methods of dealing with OCD below. And hey, to anyone struggling through their own relapse right now - I get it. It sucks. But it’s also within your control to make it better - and I believe in you. I’m so proud of anyone out there fighting ocd right now. Fighting for the big, beautiful life that you deserve. Stay strong ❤️ You can do this.

My name is Maddie and I'm just a freshman in highschool, I've never truly checked out if I have OCD and I'm not trying to self diagnose, but I'm getting desperate and I relate to some of the stories from other people in here. I've had intrusive thoughts since I was a child. Or at least that's what I would call them, they started out as only a few- when I had to go to bed I had to keep my eyes closed the entire time or something bad would happen to the people I love. The next major thing I remember and I've been doing for years is having to keep a door open the entire time I'm grabbing something in the hallway. It always would cause me this weird anxiety. That was just the beginning though, for the past few months since school has ended, I've been feeling like I'm about to go crazy. Some nights were better than others. Doing even the smallest of things would "save" me. I don't feel comfortable talking about someone the things because they seem very tedious but they're not to me, I must have my door's knob touching the wall, I must put the toilet seat down, if I do something wrong I immediately have to tap to 3 or 5, volume on my TV must be an even number or a 5 but it can't be 6, and a few other things. I feel terrible all of the time and I'm not sure if it's that big of a deal, but failing to complete tasks like that make me believe something horrible and terrible is gonna happen to me or my family, things especially revolving around death. Sometimes I just have to yell in my head, I always find the thoughts weird because it's like I'm saying them but I just can't control it. - The reason I decided to write this is because yesterday i had this terrible dream where someone told me I was gonna die, I was terrified. And honestly still am, I feel like a threat to my family even tho I would never ever hurt them, I feel like something is gonna happen as I sleep - this causes me to stay up and try to distract myself. I feel like such a bad person for some of the things I feel and I almost felt like I was making up some story and almost believed it as I've been trying to sleep. I'm so tired of these thoughts and if anyone reads this and has something to say, please give me advice. Being by myself doesn't give me the same comfort as it used to.

I need help. So harm OCD is a relatively new theme for me. It’s only been happening the last few days, but it sucks. I’m taking Prozac for anxiety and I’m about 3 1/2 weeks in, so these intrusive thoughts don’t cause a lot of anxiety as much as they do just general discomfort. I can feel the anxiety start to take hold a little, but it’s mostly just discomfort and disgust in my head that I’m having these thoughts which makes it worse because there’s no anxiety so I think “do I like these thoughts?” or “do I actually want to do this?” Like today I’m making carne asada tacos and suddenly the thought pops into my head “this is human meat” and I had to check the label on the meat to make sure. Then I have a knife cutting it and my dad says something and I thought “what if that annoys me” and then the thought of stabbing him came into my head which sucked. I think this has to do with the fact that I saw a preview for the Dahmer series on Netflix and got anxiety at the urge to watch it. I’ve never been a violent person and that makes these thoughts worse. I feel like I’m a psychopath or some repressed killer who is losing their mind. Please help

I believe I’ve always had intrusive/OCD thoughts. When I was younger I always repeated phrases because my brain went “if you don’t do this your whole family will die” but it wasn’t anything too bad. However, when I was 15 I entered my first relationship. I had divorced parents and didn’t know what love was - so it ended up being abusive and I did not know. He forced me to disclose all the people I found attractive as well as all the “unpure” thoughts I had. He deemed fantasizing cheating - which I respected - but also caused for a lot of intrusive thoughts to make me freak out. He also gaslit me and accused me of cheating for the lightest things (gave my cousin a side-hug) and prohibited me from getting male friends because he thought I’d cheat (I’ve never been unfaithful or even flirted w another man. I’ve always had strong morals about it) I believe this trauma is what made my ocd what it is now, since I’m used to being accused for stuff I didn’t understand or have control over. I believe that understanding OCDs roots allows me to heal because it reminds me that I could exist without this thoughts and still had a good moral compass.

hello everyone! I wanted to share my story and see if anyone has any information that could help or would want to chat about PANDAS. I first got strep in February of this year, then again in March twice, and another time in April. Along with that I had scarlet fever, mono, and covid, all within the time frame as well. My ENT just ran a lab culture and found I’ve been carrying strep even after I was healthy. I recently started experiencing panic attacks and extreme anxiety which felt as though it came out of no where. So I’ve been doing CBT therapy and recently saw a psychiatrist who linked a lot of my symptoms to PANDAS - obsessive thoughts, trouble sleeping, etc. Does anyone else deal with PANDAS? Is there anything I should do to be medically safe? A lot or my anxiety and obsessive thoughts surround my health so this would bring me a lot of peace. Is there anything I can practice daily at home to see improvements? Please reach out!!

How do I tell the difference between Sexual Orientation OCD and actually being... a lesbian? I am in a longterm committed relationship with a man (who is pan) and i am afab kindaaaa cis? im not sure. i am CONSTANTLY questioning everything about myself. people say that questioning is beautiful and a part of life but i know that my OCD is probably making it a bigger deal (mental load and relationship wise) than it should be. I never even considered OCD could be a thing in this way before I got on this app! since me and my bf started dating i have explored a whole range of expressions, identities and even sexualities as my boyfriend encourages me to still explore my sexuality outside of him. I recently told him I wanted to abstain from sex for self-growth reasons and he has fully supported me through these months. The thought that "oh I might actually be a lesbian, how would I possibly navigate that? Do I really love him? Am I faking this entire thing? How is this fair to him?" has crossed my mind a few thousand times in the past few weeks. The thoughts were always lingering in the back of my head but turning 22, exploring my masculinity again and feeling sorta distant from him has made me all.. weird. when he says he loves me i feel weird. when he kisses me i feel weird. i still love him, i still hug him and want to cuddle. but i can't get rid of the thought that maybe i actually am gay. or maybe i'm only attracted to girls bc of my OCD? is that even possible ????!!!!! can a queer person PLEASE help me out here. i will take any insight i can get.

Hi. I’m a nineteen year old from Australia experiencing OCD. I needed some advice. I am currently enrolled in university. I finished my first semester of university in June. Since then, I have been on break. I start the next semester in August, 7th to be exact. Now, my first semester was horrible. It’s my first year of university and I completely hate it. And my OCD makes it worse. In high school, I was a top student who excelled and even enjoyed school. Now, at university I HATED IT. And as I said, my OCD made things so much worse. I experienced a lot of uncertainty towards what I wanted to do at the start of the year and that spiked my anxiety, which triggered my OCD. Being at uni made me feel so trapped in my anxiety. It’s triggers so much stress. From questioning whether I’m taking the right path, to questioning if I can succeed, to double triple and quadruple checking EVERYTHING. I’m talking my emails (it used to take me hours to read them and would sometimes cause panic attacks), timetable, due dates, assignments ect etc. I kept doing compulsions and it was so exhausted. I had to read my emails three times, i would constantly seek reassurance etc etc. I’m so terrified to go back. I almost dropped out and deferred several times. I have never experienced that kind of stress in my life. Truly. I don’t know what to do. The thought of university makes me want to throw up. I keep telling myself that I should try just one more semester, or even a couple of weeks if it’s that bad. Most of my classes next semester are online anyways, I only have to go for 2 classes. But it still makes me so miserable. And the workload added to the stress. Once i started I already had quizzes due. I don’t want to leave, and then later regretting it. I’m scared that I hate it bc of my anxiety, not bc uni is necessarily the problem. Does that make sense? I don’t want my anxiety to dictate my decisions. But I’m just so scared. I keep looking at who I was back in high school and I am not her. She was so confident and she of herself, now I’m a wreck. I need advice ASAP.

I’m sometimes plagued by thoughts about what might happen if I go to sleep and don’t wake up the next day. I hate these thoughts, especially since they just pop up. Anyone else experience this?

Is your OCD like this cause I feel like I’m alone. I have intrusive violent thoughts of killing my mom. I’ve been dealing with this since 2012 when I was just 11 no medication is working I’m to the point where I feel like I’m going crazy, having extreme anxiety every single day I wake up, I get urges images it’s like the OCD is convincing me that I will do it. I also worry about the future God am I actually going to be a murderer what is going on i’ve been feeling suicidal. What is the point of living? If I can’t enjoy life the way I want to enjoy life. Rather my OCD is interfering with my life and daily tasks. In and out of mental hospitals, nothing is working. Why am I here and what is the point of me to suffer with this disorder if there’s a God, please take me with you I don’t longer want to live this life of worry.

hi uhhh i just got this app because as a teen for awhile now ive been thinking i have some form of OCD and i also found the website after searching up “how to stop picking your skin” lol. anddd i guess this is just a safe space where you can just dump some stuff so i have no idea how this started, but it mustve started in 5th grade and just got worse later on in the next few years. It started from jumping onto specific patterns on the carpet to really strict “rituals” that i must follow or else something bad will happen. during quarantine which was like in 6th grade, i developed this weird thing i do where i have to say “done” 3 or 5 times in my head whenever an intrusive thought or just something i dont like thinking about comes up. then it kinda slowly grew to be a habit everyday. then it just didnt feel like enough, so then i had to start saying done 5 times vocally, i couldnt do it inside my head or else it wouldnt be enough, its really strange and funny when saying this but it does get embarrassing when youre doing it in public. common phrase is “done x5 nothing bad ever happens to you or anyone ok ok its ok ok” and ive been saying that for a year now. sometimes people would hear me and i would have to try my best to excuse it theres also this thing thats also embarrassing to do in public like, sometimes one foot would feel right and i have to stomp the floor to get rid of that feeling, but then i feel like i stomped too hard so i have to cancel it out by stomping with the other foot instead IDK maybe its like a sensory issue? sometimes i even have to do a little hop so it can even eachother out lol. theres also this one phrase i have to say before i use the bathroom but i wont say what it is oh god i also have this weird fear of certain numbers, 2 is a big number i hate for some reason. like a lot of things associated with 2 i dunno why. just an unlucky number. it becomes a problem for a lot of things. i cant come up with an example on the spot but a common one is that sometimes ill mess up 2 times, so ill have to mess something up a 3rd time or else something bad will happen. i also hate the number 4 sometimes because 4 divided by 2 is 2 (2 even appeared 2 times in that sentence, thats a lot of 2). 6 is a nice number i guess but its still divisible by 2 a really bad one though thats been affecting me lately is the feeling that some sort of upper higher being is watching me and making things happening to me or something. im not religious, but for the last year and this year everytime im happy something bad happens right after, and when im sad either something good happens or nothing happens at all. maybe it really is just some giant coincidence but everytime i get excited, happy, hopeful and like any of the positive emotions, something ruins it. usually when i get excited or happy later on something makes me cry, have a panic attack, or just make me feel bad in general. its like i cant even be happy for a few days. another one is certain clothing. i have always wanted to wear dresses and skirts and just embrace being feminine in general, but the times where i did wear a skirt or dress or just rlly nice clothing in general, it always had something bad happen. Wore a nice skirt for the 2nd to last day of school? i got covid on that day and missed the last day of school, never got to say goodbye to my friends, cried for 3 hours straight and it took awhile to get over it. Wore a nice outfit for that family christmas party? I knew nobody there and i had to sit in the livingroom where nobody was there so i could have a panic attack in peace (my brother also went to his friends house and left me alone with my dying phone ty brother, i mean i got to pet the dogs after i calmed down so thats nice). And the time where i wore a skirt for the last day of school because “oh its just a coincidence nothing bad actually happens when i wear a skirt” i spent majority of the day alone and my phone got broken beforehand so all i could do was wait in line for food and shaved ice, eat, watch the other people have fun, and miserably attempt to fix my phone or play on the chromebook. this was also the time where i lost pretty much all my irl friends. (this was an outside party btw) ok yea maybe i wont ever wear dresses or skirts ever again. dont think this is a serious thing but im still salty about it lol im not actually diagnosed, i just feel like after researching symptoms of ocd this is what i resonate with most, if it isnt ocd then it just has to be something atleast, i couldnt fit in at all with other people so i know damn well i have something and im pretty mad i dont know what it is in summary hi i am random kid struggling with weird things that i could never mention to other people

So years ago when I was a teenager there was a point in time where I watched pornography that had to do with animals and people. There were also a few times throughout my teenage years where I tried things out of curiosity and while I was watching this type of porn I had some desire/urge to try stuff but I never did. Then it stopped. I was probably 16 and stopped. It’s been almost 4 years since I watched that stuff or did anything, and I never even thought about it. Then OCD hit. And I ruminated about all those things I watched did. It always filled me with anxiety and disgust. Then yesterday I remembered an image I saw when watching that and got an erection. It was accompanied with anxiety but it felt as if I wanted to search it up or do it. Now all day today I’ve had horrible anxiety accompanied with that urge. Is this OCD or should I look into therapy for paraphilia?

Hey everyone! I apologize for the long post. It is kind of a long story but I really I need some advice on how to handle this. I wanted to go to an OCD/Anxiety partial program as I have had an increase in symptoms and need more resources. Anyways - its important to note my history includes a lot of SA and R*** and unhealthy relationships with men in general. Because of this - I have a hard time discussing these topics with males. However I knew it was going to be an important part of treatment. Due to this, when I did the paperwork I asked specifically for an all female team and they lady was super nice and told me she would make sure of it. Fast forward, it was time for the intake. Now FYI it was on zoom because thats where my local one has been since Covid. I log onto the zoom and was met with the psychiatrist (female) who was going to do the intake and a male medical student. The doctor never asked me if it was okay with me for this student to stay on the call. She began trying to go over my history and spilled a lot of what was in my notes from my regular psychiatrist so she kind of spilled a lot of it out. Then it was my turn to speak and I felt super uncomfortable with how much this male knew as it is hard to talk about it and I was not ready to freely speak in-front of him. I proceeded to type into the zoom chat asking if there was anyway we could ask him to leave because I felt uncomfortable. This doctor turned around and read my message out loud anyways and then proceeded to try to convince me to change my mind. She told him to "Tell her something about yourself so you seem more human." (It was never about me not thinking he was human. I am sure he is a great guy but I was just uncomfortable). After about 5 straight minutes of trying to explain why I should allow him to stay she asked me again and I still said no. The doctor proceeded to roll her eyes and finally asked him to leave. Once he left she said to me "I don't think this is going to work for you because there will be males in discussion groups so this will probably be useless for you." (I don't think this would have been an issue however because this is only part of my OCD/anxiety so that part I would do privately with my therapist and work on other issues in groups). At this point I was so overwhelmed I said I did not want to do the group and she did not even attempt to try and talk through it with me she just said "Okay I'll let the program know" and said goodbye. I feel so bad about the whole thing but I am trying to figure out if I was in the wrong for asking for the med student to leave. What do other people think? Was this a huge request on my part? I am just not sure how to feel about it. Has this ever happened to anyone else? Any advice on the situation I would really appreciate it!!

hey, I have been having really bad thoughts religiously. I have always been afraid I was gonna commit the unforgivable sin, which was blasphemy against the holy spirit. I have horrible intrusive thoughts, and always being worried the devil will take over or possess me. I feel like everytime I get a intrusive thoight I must apolgize to God asap, multiple times. I find myself, doing it for hours. It always has to do with numbers. I also have a hard time walking through doorways, or getting into or out bed multiple times or i’m afraid God won’t forgive me. I also have a really hard time writing the word God, or praying cause I have to picture God correctly, and make sure it’s not the devil so I know i’m praying to God. Is this something you guys are experiencing too?

When I was a teenager I watched videos and stuff that had to do with animals for “that” purpose. There were also a few times (6) where I tried things out of curiosity, but also because I had no girlfriend or sexual outlet. I never harmed any animal and never “forced” myself on one. All this happened over the course of a few years, but the watching stuff only happened for a few months when I was 15-16, and it was never the only thing I would watch. It’s been 3 years since anything at all happened and I never even thought about it, but ever since I had a big POCD spike I’ve been super anxious and disgusted. What’s worse is I can visualize that stuff and get some arousal because my brain can associate it now. I’m 20 and I feel like my life is over. What’s worse is I can’t disprove that it’s just OCD because I’ve done those things. I’m just so disgusted and anxious all the time. Anyone have anything similar?

Help please. Recently me OCD has been attacking every sexually weird thing I did as a teenager. I was a hormonal teenager with no sexual outlets and I was curious and so I did things a few times and watched things that were wrong. No one was hurt but it was just weird stuff. I’m also a pretty sexual person and dealt with porn addiction, so it’s no surprise I got into some weird shit here and there (nothing illegal or violent). It never bothered me because I never felt that it defined me, and I only did it for lack of a better outlet (girlfriend). But now it eats me alive and makes me feel as if the stuff I did 3-5 years ago defines who I am. I just want to get better but I don’t know how:/

I’ve had NOCD for about a month now. Each day I come on here, compulsing, worried that I’m some horrible person, or at least a person that I don’t want to be. And each day I see many people like me, also anxious and terrified of their own thoughts and urges and sensations. But today I had an Epiphany. For me specifically, POCD is my subtype. It has become other forms of sexual OCD, but the main one still focuses on pedophilia. I have had it for about a month and a half. It is the nature of OCD to make us question and doubt if we have OCD. So I decided that I’m gonna get myself one year to treat everything that has to do with OCD. The ERP, resisting compulsion, resisting reassurance, and most importantly, trusting that it is OCD. If in one year it hasn’t gotten better and I still have these issues and I end up being the person that I am afraid of, I’ll deal with it then. But for now we all know that we have OCD here, so we might as well fix that. Because it can be fixed. We need to stop worrying about the what ifs, because in reality, no amount of worry and anxiety will change who we are. OCD will change us if we don’t fight it. We got this!

When I was 12 there was a girl in our school at first I was very excited to go with her... when our final exams were over I had cried a little becoz I will not be seeing her for few days... After few weeks we were again going school together.. But my excitement to go with her started fading away... Even when if I see her around I was not interested to talk.that's the story.... 10 years later I suddenly developed hocd.I am a straight women.. The same sex attraction I get now I know that's Becoz of hocd.. You know how it works.. But I am constantly worried about the event which happened 9 years ago... I am not sure how I felt for that girl.. All I remember was.. I was very excited to school with but that excitement faded away also.. My hocd constantly tells me that you were in love with that girl you are denying it.. What worries me even more that.. Why I didn't get anxiety back then.. I was pretty normal.. And that incident doesn't mattered to me at all before my hocd.. But after hocd that particular event of mine is a favourite thing of hocd to give me anxiety..

Hi! I’m really new here but I’ve struggled with HOCD for almost a decade now. It started when I was a teen. As a child I had exposure to sexual media (due to my own curiosity, I actually wasn’t supposed to) and my female friends and I would sometimes role play things (though mostly just two of us since we had play dates most often anyway). We did this very often and I often had to play the role of the guy (I’m actually female by sex and gender) and I was sorta pressured by the friend to be true to the role and “feel” the role while I played. I eventually got used to it and started getting used to picturing women naked and sexualizing them- but I didn’t actually want to be with them. Now, to be fair, my child brain didn’t know that was possible back then. But even then, I wouldn’t wish to be in a relationship with a person. I would get a kick out of imagining things but I didn’t actually want it in real life. Then when I first discovered different sexual orientations, I PANICKED. I was worried that if anyone heard any of this, they would think I’m bisexual! Now ofc that’s perfectly fine to be bisexual and I’m certainly an ally for that community because maybe i wouldn’t be as scared if they didn’t experience some discrimination! but I personally don’t have a desire to be with women. That fear though really freaked me out and as a child with OCD tendencies (I had germ OCD years before that), this was really hard. And unfortunately, when I have free time, this HOCD comes back to haunt me. I felt like I’m forced to be something I don’t want to be, and I have no way out. Later on, I started testing my feelings with images and videos to see how I feel. It was fine at first but I always checked further “just in case” and eventually ended up feeling attracted (though in a shallow way, not like a crush). I suspect they are false attraction but I’ve questioned things so much and become aroused at some many things I’m left clueless. The thing is I don’t want to call myself anything other than straight because I don’t want to be with women in a romantic nor sexual relationship. Yet a part of me isn’t sure and keeps asking whether it’s the case. It’s further complicated when I see folks that are female by sex but dress in a boyish way and I get momentarily attracted. I don’t want to be with them but I will find them attractive as long as I think of them as a boy of sorts. But my anxiety spikes SO much with this afterwards and I HATE going out to feel this way! My brain wonders whether I’m just secretly bi and in denial the whole time- and every time I try to shut it out, it tells me I’m “running away from the truth”… oh and online forums are the worst! Everyone says that if you any gay fantasies then you must be straight. Though, to be honest, I’m not sure if I even have “fantasies” or intrusive thoughts or both. It’s so hard to discern between them. I don’t know who to listen to.. Interestingly though, when I have a crush on a guy, I somehow crush HOCD like a grape and it vanishes (I’d NEVER use this as a strategy by the way)! I don’t know if any of this story resonates with anyone but if anyone has tips, I’d appreciate it!

Okay so everything is literally a trigger for me due to my family members due to my covers and due to my own clothes and also animals Espically my dogs.Okay so I’m in high school still young these thoughts started happening around this year and has became worst to the point I had to go to a mental institution this summer around June I struggle from sexual ocd where my mind literally sexual everything and I do mean everything I can’t look at my animals because I’m afraid I would want to look at their butts or other areas so I just don’t look at them or my sister we sleep in the same room together I have a bed and she has one I use to like to toss and turn to get comfortable so I would flip sides over again until I fall asleep but now I can’t do that because I use to have a thought of looking at her butt so now I just lay on my side facing the wall I’ve been doing this for the whole summer because she goes back to college in August I also hide my family faces from my preview when we’re all in the living room watching something so I don’t see their private parts what made me go to the mental institution this summer was me having the thought of looking at my sisters underwear drawer I tried to bear the thought by again covering the drawer with my cover from my preview or just looking at my phone all day or making myself go to sleep but o end up just telling her to remove it from our room after a couple days later I couldn’t look at my family faces which made me go to the mental institution because I was afraid I was never gonna be able to look at their faces again the mental institution did not help because I was surrounded by kids I also suffer from pocd so I was triggered a lot I would also not look at their faces or even speak to them only if they spoke to me I was there for five days so when I came back home I got a little better but now I’m back to spiraling and I feel like I’m finna go insane again also when I came back home I literally learned all my siblings who were girls was molested expect my oldest one including me and the sister who I’m scared to look at butt who I sleep with was molested by my father and my other sister was molested by my cousin I as well was molested by my cousin not the same one as my sister my mother isn’t very mentally healthy so she of course felt guilty because she believed it was her fault so she started I guess I would say taking it out on us a little so that made me go insane I even started hitting myself repeatedly we went on vacation after the same day and this asshole of a man keeps showing up at our house I just need a little advice how to cope since I know people up here are a little older than me so any advice I’ll take it please .