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im so tired it feels like its true, constant transphobic thoughts mixed in with thoughts if im a boy. istg im a completely different person and so different to everyone dealing with gender ocd. im heartbroken

This is so extremely difficult, i’ve never experienced having thoughts of being a different gender. i’ve always been comfortable being a girl. i’ve always been a girly girl. this all started a couple months ago and it’s increasingly getting worse. i’ve had times where i didn’t like my body but i always thought i could just go to the gym and fix it, never did i think i wanted to be a man. ever since these thoughts started i hate looking at myself in the mirror, i hate looking at my body, i’m aware of my breasts all day everyday, i can’t look at pictures/ videos of myself. from the moment i wake up to the second i go to sleep i have these thoughts. i’m in a panic EVERYDAY. i don’t want to be trans but my thoughts are convincing me i do. i’ve never bat an eye when someone calls me a girl but now it’s like i’m aware of it which i hate. i hate that i’m having these thoughts & it’s convincing me that i want them & that i have to just come out and change. i want to be able to go back to being comfortable as a girl. this has left me feeling so hopeless and depressed, i can’t help but cry every day. has anyone else felt like their whole world was turned upside down?

I'm a 16 year old cis female who's bisexual and in last few months I've been having TOCD thoughts and im absolutely sick of these thoughts,my brain literally controls me and forces me into these thoughts even tho I don't wanna be a boy or don't want to be trans.My brain always presents me with various what ifs such as whether my parents would accept,if I want to have a dick,If I want to dress as a guy,if I want to behave as a guy,but the truth is I don't want to be a guy or behave as a guy I've been so feminine from my childhood and still I've so much girly things and do feminine things but now due to these TOCD thoughts my brain is making me think that I'm living a lie and it's more comfortable as a guy.whenever I get these thoughts I feel so sick and I feel nausea and I can't even eat because of how scared I get,I can't sleep or can't even properly think about other things due to how much I overthink.my ocd triggered more as these days I researched about trans masc things without realizing I had TOCD and it triggered my ocd even more.I have long hair too and my brain makes me think that I want to cut my hair when I was the same one who grew my hair lovingly last year.i can't go to a psychologist too due to my parents and I'm from a house and a background where topics such as LGBTQ and therapy are taboo.Another thing which triggered my ocd is last year I've been having thoughts whether I was straight or lesbian and I've realized that I was bisexual few months ago and I feel comfortable with it now but last year I've been so scared about being attracted to girls too so now since I'm scared of becoming trans my brain tells me that eventually I will also become trans just like how I became bisexual but i DO NOT want to be trans!!I'm comfortable as a girl and I'm comfortable with my long hair,wearing dresses,doing makeup but my brain refuses to listen to me!if there is someone else like me too I would appreciate if you share your story too because TOCD is so horrible and makes me have fake gender or identity crisis!I hope this goes away because for past few days I've been feeling so sick and unwell

I obsess about whether I am a cisgender lesbian in denial, and not truly a bisexual trans guy. I feel like this ocd theme developed when I wasn't given support from my parents when I came out as trans. My brain is nonstop overthinking about my identity and I go back and forth between being confident in my identity and insecure. I know that if I were to open up about this insecurity and obsession, my parents would say that it's because I'm not transgender and that they're right about me being female. Having OCD alone, especially themes that overlap, gives me debilitating anxiety. But not being able to talk to my own family about being they're the main cause is OCD cranked up to 1000%. I'm drowning.

Idk my brain is like “you’re only staying with your bf so you can suppress your feelings cuz you’re too scared to be a lesbian/trans” I just want to be a bi woman leave me and my bf alone I was so happy before. Now I feel a weird anxiety in my chest and idk if it’s good anxiety. My friends and I joked about me getting married to him one day and I didn’t feel butterflies I didn’t get all teary eyed thinking about it then I got in my head “oh god am I a lesbian? Am I trans? Do I want a white dress moment?” But I think I’m not excited cuz we aren’t there yet. And I know myself. I’m gonna be anxious as all hell, ROCD or not, about this wedding going off without a hitch cuz im a perfectionist. Part of me worries that my perfectionism is me suppressing myself I’m worried I’m forcing myself to stay. I’m worried I wanna take a break. Im worried if we do take a break everything will come true cuz I can finally “express myself” but I can express myself here. But the ocd is making it feel like im not or can’t? If that makes sense? Like im worried im not fully being myself and yeah there are definitely things I don’t talk about with him (like RUPAUL’s drag race, he’s not a fan, I kinda am). It’s not out of fear of him hating me it’s just not smtjn we talk about. Idk now im worried it’s not ocd and km actually in a restrictive relationship but im not. I don’t feel a lick of anxiety around any of this tho. What does that mean.

I may have a new obsession. This feeling in my chest is weird idk it’s not the same anxiety. Context: I used to be a tomboy, way back in elementary, at one point I thought I was bigender cuz i did still like girly stuff, I dressed masculine to school cuz why not lol. Wore a beanie and hid my hair. I had short hair as well. My mom kinda brushed it off/ignored it. I kinda grew out of it idk why. In high school I dressed more feminine and I love being feminine. There were occasions of boredom where I’d dress more masculine (I’m bisexual so kinda makes sense?) but when I date men I’m very feminine. Like currently. I love being a little pretty princess After my ex and I broke up (he was a trans man) I was vaguely questioning if I wanted to dress more like him/bind like him. Kinda passed after a couple weeks. Got to uni. Didn’t think about it. Met my bf. Love him to death. Now I’m worried I’m A) suppressing being a lesbian, a masc one at that And/or B) suppressing being a trans man. I feel anxious now. Now I’m worried I’m gonna figure that out way later in life or smthn. I’m happy as a woman, I just dress masculine on occasion and you can barely tell it’s masculine. My brain correlates masculine to: bun, button down and jeans lol. Now I’m anxious. Now I’m worried if I fry an outfit like that on I’m gonna be excited and euphoric but I also feel excited and euphoric and when I dress feminine. I’m confused. Now I’m worried I only like my bf cuz of gender envy or smthn. God it doesn’t feel like ocd rn. I’m confused. I’ve never questioned it thag much before I’ve just done what I thought made sense in my brain. I dressed tomboyish cuz I mostly had guy friends. I did try binding by cutting leggings to make a binder lol. Idk. There’s evidence but it could’ve just been me being a kid? I changed my name for a bit cuz I wanted to see what it was like, I felt no different. But what if that was the wrong name. Or what if I suppressed it cuz I didn’t wanna be bullied. I’ve never felt like smtjn was wrong with me because I’m a girl. I know plenty of girls on TikTok have done the same. I’m worried I’m gonna change my name or smthn when I get older or I’ll be unhappy as a woman? The anxiety feels different. Am I figuring smtjn out. I don’t feel like crying. It doesn’t feel urgent. Idk. My heart is beating kinda quick

It's hard for me to accept myself as trans and stop questioning my identity, since OCD has been a hindrance since the beginning. I hadn't felt completely like a woman for a while, but the first time I questioned being trans, OCD made me feel really bad. Over time, I've come to understand myself better, but OCD has always made the process difficult. I still have intrusive thoughts that I'm a different gender, mainly because I'm gender fluid and my identity isn't stable. Now that I've found out and told other people, intrusive thoughts tell me that I'm lying and making it all up. But I didn't feel so good about myself until I found out I was trans. It was and still is a difficult process, but I'm learning to deal with OCD and accept myself better.

it feels like i want to be a boy. i really dont i keep having these what i hope to be false feelings and they suck. oddly enough they make me feel more like a girl again so its a weird win win situation. i want to be fine again i wanna be that girl again. it just feels like i’ll never be and i just have to be a boy i hate it all

Hello there everybody. I am just posting to ramble about my feelings, and to get some advice from people that might understand. This is going to be talking about a mixture of things between the subcategories mentioned above, including stories about intimacy.. Please do not read forward if that makes you uncomfortable. To make an extremely long story shorter, I am very particular with how I like my dorm room to look. I also have come up with a routine that helps me with the basic things- brushing my teeth, getting my clothes out for the next day, scheduled deep clean and laundry days, etc. even with a jam packed schedule of 3 jobs and 5 classes, this routine always worked for me, even if I had to switch around a laundry day. Usually, I deep clean my room twice a week, and do laundry once or twice a week. This has worked for 3 years already, and this is my 4th year in school. During the 2nd week of school, me and a girl from school started to date. She is the TOTAL opposite of me- she is a really big hoarder (and she gets mad at me when I tell her how it is.) and she is extremely used to living in what she calls “organized chaos.” She pretty much uhaled the situation - she pretty much moved into my dorm. (Mind you, she has SO much stuff in her room, and it’s extremely messy. So she brought things over to my room to “store”.) this naturally made me really.. uncomfortable. Because I got so used to my routine and having my belongings where they were. It really caused me to spiral this semester and I keep trying to bring it up and have a conversation about it, and it feels like she completely disregards my feelings. It’s starting to really mess with me and I’m unsure what to do. As messed up as this sounds, she also has very narsasistic and codependent tendsncies.. it’s usually her way or the highway. I am the opposite. I am independent, but deeply care about those around me and their thoughts and feelings. I feel like I ask her for one thing, and that’s to respect my space, and it feels like it’s shrugged off over a shoulder. Now for a different story. This woman is the person I lost my.. “V card” to, if you will, and we’ve explored lots of situations in bed. During our intimate times, with my permission cause we wanted to experiment, she began to treat me like a “sissy.” (Basically, if you’re not aware, a boy that acts feminine, dresses feminine, etc.) and this sort of started causing my dysphoria to spiral.. but in other instances I really like it? She also would make jokes about how “we’re a lesbian couple.” And those made me spiral as well.. I just want some advice and tips on what to do. I feel.. very stuck right now. Idk what to do. any tips or conversation is greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking time out of your schedule to read this and allow me to express my feelings.

TRIGGER WARNING: ^just in case! I had just thought of making this post today. I know no one has really been keeping track of my journey with the OCD themes I have been struggling with. Or really knows at all. I did, however, want to share a light hearted update. I hope this may help anyone who could possibly be struggling with the same themes. I apologize if there are any typos or run-on sentences where it may be confusing! I’m trying to avoid making any errors! This will be a long post but hopefully a helpful one. I want to first start with backtracking a bit. The first time I posted on this app was 2 years ago and I was TERRIFIED. It’s not everyday you hear someone struggling with transgender OCD or sexual orientation OCD. It’s more common to hear about someone struggling with harm based OCD or relationship OCD. I for whatever reason one night had the thought that I was transgender. This jolted me awake and I could not go back to sleep. I don’t think I had put too much attention on my gender identity or in anyway felt deeply connected to my gender identity. I knew I was a woman and I didn’t think too much of it. I knew women have different behaviors and mannerisms than men. However, I genuinely just didn’t pay that much mind to it. This wasn’t until I had this random thought while I was trying to go to sleep that put me into an immediate panic. I was freaking out and had no idea what was going on. I felt like I didn’t know myself. I would look in the mirror and I could never recognize myself. I even had the hardest time just looking into a mirror in general; this lasted for a year maybe a year and a half. I still don’t look into mirrors often and not for any extended amount of time. Just enough to wash my face, put on makeup, the basics of getting ready and just doing check ups etc. When my ocd theme was at its worst however, every time I looked into the mirror I just never felt feminine and I never felt like I LOOKED feminine. I would struggle with this so much and the constant battle of not feeling feminine enough. I would cover my body in baggy clothes and would only get ready unless I absolutely had to. I did try to put effort into my appearance for days I had school etc. There was a moment however, that had helped me to understand what I wanted. I was always happy with being a woman it was never something I wanted to change. I had also always been attracted to men. I had told myself if this is who I am biologically and genetically, if I was born a woman then there was never a mistake that was made. I am a woman and I am NOT transgender. I have the biological body of a woman and I refuse to alter myself in anyway to identify as another gender. As crazy as it sounds, I feel as though it had helped me to understand and reconnect with my younger self that I had lost for a bit of time. I remember during COVID and lockdown, a few years before and after this time I was in high school and just beginning college. I had spent a majority of my time on my phone being numbed by scrolling past post after post and seeing endless amounts of different opinions. I feel like I didn’t understand myself, I didn’t know what I liked or didn’t. I had felt like everything I was ingesting and claiming to connect with I wasn’t actually connecting with or developing MY OWN opinion on. (This is my own fault, for not spending the time I should’ve off of social medias and the internet to establish my own identity. That’s something I try to avoid a lot these days.) However, this had helped me to really establish ground beliefs I have for myself. I feel as though I was constantly denying myself the things I actually really wanted I just didn’t know it. I refused the idea of getting married and I never liked the thought of having kids. Crazy enough though, this has opened my eyes to understand that I would actually really really really love those things. I feel like they are such important and fundamental parts of our lives that should be experienced. They are the beautiful moments of life that often get overlooked. Sharing your life with someone is so special and being able to build something with them that’s only scared between the two of you. Then to build a bigger home and caring for your family. I find that to be so amazing and I don’t want to miss something like that. This has helped me to understand how much more I truly love being a woman and I wouldn’t want to be anyone else. I love how strong women are and how enduring we are. I love how compassionate we are and sharing we are. I love being a more gentler person for someone to encounter, I love being kind to people and caring for them. I love having motherly instincts (even though I’m not a mother). There is so much beauty in our differences, between being a man and a woman, but I truly love being a woman. I can appreciate the beauty of a man and their strength and their ability to provide. However, that’s more something I admire and find attractive. It’s not necessarily what I see for myself or connect with. I do really love how I have established an opinion and standard for myself that I hold close. I feel as though it’s helped me in a way understand who I am. I oddly feel as though I’ve connected to a purpose. For as long as I could remember I never understood what that meant or what mine was supposed to be. It’s helped me to be so much more appreciative of the little things and to take full advantage of everything and anything I can. I’ve cried so much these past couple of years, as much as it’s so annoying to be the biggest crybaby I really wouldn’t have it any other way. I remember going years with not crying or being deeply emotionally connected to myself and constantly asking if there was something wrong with me? It’s helped me to care so much more for people and memories and life and the beauty of living. I did and still do have a list of compulsions I say to myself regularly, but especially when my theme was still new. I repeated three different phrases on rotation: I am a girl, I am a woman, I am feminine. When I first developed this theme I would say these to help prevent myself from having another intrusive thought. Furthermore, to help me connect with myself as the woman I am and wanted to be. As time had passed though, they took a turn in how they made me feel. I would repeat my compulsions in my head, but in a way they began to help me become more aware of myself and my life. There are a lot of things I want to accomplish and so much I want to do. So I couldn’t just let myself sit around and do nothing. I feel as though my compulsions helped me so much in starting to take action. I actually began taking my life and the things I wanted seriously. I want to become financially independent so I learned about Roth IRAS and High Yield Savings accounts (there’s still so much more I’d like to learn, but this was a good start). After learning about these things and implementing them into my life I could see first hand how this can really change someone’s life. I found a deep love for understanding the economy and personal finances ( I know boringggg ). I ended up deciding to switch my major to business instead of pre-health bio (a medical school pregrad degree) and being so much more confident in my decision. I’m now in my last year of school and I couldn’t be more excited to start a career in finances helping others understand and manage theirs. I am constantly trying to make sure I’m living life and experiencing all that I can. There’s so much more I want to do and so much more I’ll be taking part in. It truly does get better I didn’t think I’d see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know there’s still more work I have to do with my mental health and aiding in my OCD. This theme however was just so different and felt so taboo. I hated telling anyone about it. I was so scared to tell my therapist. I hope this may help someone in knowing that there is another side to it all. It takes a lot of work, trust me, it is exhausting, but hopefully you can realize the things you actually want for yourself and stand firm in those beliefs. Furthermore to also discover a new appreciation for yourself and your strength. I hope you’re able to grow a deeper appreciation for those around you. Especially those who are there for you through your toughest times and holding a special place for them. It’s easy to forget about the little things that truly can make life a little magical sometimes and a little bit more worth living and loving. I really hope this may help someone in any way. If you’ve made it this far, thank you so much for reading. I’m so sorry it was so long!

Lately ive been questioning my sexuality due to a thought that ive had for a long time but never dwelled on the thought was about me liking my girlfriend more when she identified as a male and does that make me straight.. I still love my girlfriend and love hanging out with her but before she detransitioned i felt like our relationship wasn’t as bad and healthier and my anxiety has made me feel as if it was healthier because im only into men and that I have no interest in being with women despite me being deeply attracted to them.. I also feel like im putting on a persona or faking it just for the “trend” I used to be so certain on my sexuality but now im just stressed thinking about the possibility of being straight and I feel guilty about possibly lying to my girlfriend im constantly needing reassurance and asking people if im straight and looking back at past experiences to see if I am or not and I think the worst part is that I havent been diagnosed with OCD but ive had plenty of thoughts like this before that i’ve stressed over.

I couldn't stop ruminating and I googled trans ocd vs denial and It feels like both, I don't know what to do. I keep asking myself do I want to be a man but I'm avoiding it/am scared of what would happen? I do get envious of how feminine men look. But even when I tried being feminine like a man or seeing myself as a feminine man it always felt like I was forcing it but I'm wondering if that's also denial. And if so then why do I get envious of how feminine men look. I feel like I'm hiding behind being nonbinary. or I'm in denial. I started looking up masculine women to see if I'd get envy and I got envious from women who looked like pretty men but were still women. I keep saying 'I'm a trans man' to see if it feels right and it doesn't feel right or wrong it feels neutral. Also since I tried seeing myself as a feminine man and kind of liked it even though it felt forced/not fully right it feels like that's also proof. I like masculine and neutral terms but I like feminine terms too but my ocd is telling me anything girl-like/related I like or think I like is just my denial. And I don't use feminine terms for myself a lot because I'm nonbinary anyway and don't want to be misgendered. I keep looking in the mirror and thinking I see a feminine man and I don't see myself as a girl but like obviously I wouldn't because I'm nonbinary? But I keep seeing a feminine man. Also when I was a kid I liked dressing masculine but I never saw myself as a boy I just liked being masculine/tomboy but I think that's proof I wanted to be a boy all along and didn't realize. I feel like I should just admit to myself that I'm a trans man but what if I'm wrong? I can't tell if I have desire to be a man, I can't tell what's ocd and what's not. And I don't feel like a man when I'm living my life but what if that's just social dysphoria because I'm not treated like a man and I want to be one? Or because I'm not thinking about my gender? Or those stories of people who are OK being their gender but wanted to be the opposite gender the entire time. Like I'm happy with my body I just want a flat chest. But now when I speak I think 'does my voice make my dysphoric?' It never has before or 'do I hate my curves?' I read a trans woman say she never felt like a woman just wanted to be one so she transitioned and she was happier. People say think about if you were born a boy would you still be nonbinary? If not then you're a trans man. I've always said yes I'd still be nonbinary I never doubted it. I think if I was born a man I'd be transfeminine or something but I'd still be nonbinary or like a mix of boy and girl but I don't know. I can't tell if i like imagining myself as a feminine man I just feel anxious when I do, i liked masc terms but still didnt feel 'right', but when I don't imagine myself that way my brain says I'm in denial. Maybe I just like being feminine but called masculine terms does that mean I'm a boy?? Or I'm not a boy I just want to look feminine like one? But doesn't that mean I'm basically a boy? I'm scared I'll never figure it out and be anxious forever or I'll never admit to myself I'm a trans man because I'm in denial. Or what if I come out as a trans man and I'm wrong? I thought I was afraid of being abandoned for being a trans man but my mom reassured me she wouldn't abandon me if I was a trans man and I only felt relief for about a hour before I started feeling anxious again and idk what is making me anxious anymore. Nobody else is going through anything like me either so maybe it is denial and ocd together or something I don't know. I'm scared I feel like my only way out is to die but I don't want to but the rumination is so bad and I feel like I don't know myself and I can't think of anything involving myself without ruminating. I just want it to be over

Waking up to immediately ruminating sucks. Still struggling with trans ocd and I feel like there's a lot of proof I'm just a trans man in denial. It could just be me feeling nonbinary stuff. but I don't know what's ocd and what's real. I'm hoping my new meds work when I get them but I'm feeling so hopeless. So many what if thoughts. I'm trying to lean into uncertainty but it doesn't make the thoughts stop. I keep seeking reassurance from nonbinary communities and trying to find labels I feel comfortable with but my ocd tells me I'm just in denial regardless. I dont know if i like a label or if i just feel relief. But it's hard to stop. I tend to feel a little better in the evenings. Sleep is my only escape.

I'm so tired 😭 I've been dealing with severe trans ocd for a month. My ocd is making me worry I'm a trans man. The thing is. I'm already out as nonbinary. I also compulsively confessed to my mom and told her I'm anxious I'll realize I'm a trans man and that I'm scared she'll hate me/abandon me. And she told me she would support me through it and my life even if she didn't understand it and that she wouldn't abandon me. I do like some masculine terms and I like he pronouns, I prefer they/them though. And I don't mind she, but I dont let people use it because I know they'll use it to misgender me. and that doesnt mean im a man. But I also don't know what I actually like/feel or what's OCD making me think I like/feel.. I can't stop ruminating and feeling like I need to label my gender pass nonbinary and think about if I feel like a man or not. So even when my biggest fear was denied I'm still anxious.

i know i’m spamming on here and i want to die i don’t wanna be a boy it feels like i have to be i can’t keep living like this. i don’t feel like my anymore its true 😭😭

I've been struggling so hard with trans ocd lately. specifically fears that I'm a trans man, and that I'll have to come out and I'll be abandoned for it. granted, I'm already nonbinary. I love being feminine, but I realized I wished I could be feminine in a gender non-conforming way. I hate that being feminine just makes me 'basically a girl' since I was born one. I wish I could be more like when a man is hyperfeminine/looks like a women. like a mix of both and i get envious seeing men wearing anything super feminine like colorful makeup/lipstick or dresses or wtv. There's parts of me I wish were more masculine like a flat chest but I also still love how I look with a feminine body. anyways, I started trying masculine terms for myself because I like them. I don't mind some feminine terms too though, i just prefer neutral or masculine. I know there's no wrong way to be nonbinary. But now my ocd is just telling me I want to be a man and I'm just in denial. and that when I come out my family will either hate me or abandon me. I've done ERP on my own for this since my therapist is out for a while but it only helps briefly and then the anxiety hits me again. weirdly, I'm not really out as nonbinary either but it's specifically coming out as a trans man that gives me anxiety. I don't know. I've been struggling with this for like 3 weeks now, I just want it to be over. I'm sick of being anxious all the time. I feel like I don't know myself.

In researching trans people and their experiences, I come across a lot of people who didn't want to be trans but gradually accepted it and felt better. I don't particularly want to be trans, or to live my life as the opposite gender, but I'm really worried I'm just delaying the inevitable.

I feel I'm a boy, even though I was born one. I feel like I cant live my life without being one, and it feels like if I was too live my life as a female It just wouldn't be what I am. I don't identify as anything, but lately I've been really uncomfortable about my body because of my ocd. I will get intrusive thoughts on forcing myself to be a girl, and what not. I'm also struggling because I go to a small town, and have to go to the girls lockeroom everyday. I also have to sneak into the bathrooms when nobodys looking to make sure they dont see me go into the females bathroom. In public I use the men's bathroom, and am always seen as Sir. Yet when it comes down to family, church, and school I am seen as she. I have came out about it to my mom, aunts, and lots of other family members, but some don't even talk to me because of it anymore. I've told my paster and he's accepting, yet I'm so scared to tell the others. And my school doesn't accept it at all. I feel I should give up on my identity because it's bad that I'm a boy. Idk what to do but it's been bothering me all day it just won't stop looping in my head

I have had ocd/NOCD for a while and recently cheated on my gf bc I had excessive thoughts of maybe if she isn’t the one maybe I should just be w a man I’d make my family happy and my mom happy and my friends and everyone would just be happy and I don’t have to worry about the thought of being the black sheep in my family bc I used to be so loved and being called the “favorite” child. I loved making my mom proud and happy but when I started dating a girl everything changed, she said I was a different person even though I was the same loving daughter that just wanted to make her proud but I couldn’t love who I wanted or be just me. I became bitter and ugly throughout my relationship and carried that with me and that’s the thing, I let myself go and didn’t stay strong for my gf. I betrayed her and also let my family win and let myself down. My family never or hasn’t asked me about anything in my recent life or asks me how I’ve been doing in the 4 years I’ve been away from them…I lost everything just for that one moment of forbidden mistake I can never look back on. I can’t talk to anybody bc that relationship “wasn’t ever real” “you’re dating a gurl” “it’ll never be like dating a man” “you just need a man” “sex is different” “you’re not gunna be happy” all these thing stuck to me for years and hearing those words coming from family that you love, words matter and I always told my gf at the time that my love language was physical touch, acts of service, and quality time. But I never mentioned words of affirmation really, but looking back that’s all that mattered to me and it affected me and made me into an ugly person. I always said that actions speak louder than words and to a certain extent they do but it’s what drives ppl to also do things that motivated them, what they heard to do those things to push them. To go crazy, to go workout, to cheat, to go on a walk early in the morning, to get plastic surgery bc someone said something that they felt so insecure about that it hurt them, or maybe it’s a battle with themselves. Point is words mean a lot especially from people they love, family and close friend, even someone random and it’s your actions that make you move and do things but it’s what you hear for you to do those things. Even things you think of in your head, words are the seeds to your garden. That’s something that I’m learning everyday, so if you have to block and get rid of the people you love because they aren’t happy with your life and want to control it, really ask yourself if it’s worth having them in your life. Sorry for this being so long and thank you for reading.

I’m a female who has never been too interested in make up. For the longest time I remember hating how it felt on my skin, and no one was around to teach me how to do it properly. Whenever I put it on, I feel like a pig wearing lipstick, you know? Recently, I’ve been really wanting to wear some and learn, so I’ve collected make up items and watched videos and tutorials, but whenever I do it I seem very anxious or very upset with the end result, like I don’t like it. I think I’m just not used to seeing myself wearing it, but my transgender OCD keeps telling me that it’s somehow proof or evidence that I’m actually a boy instead of a girl, or that I somehow WANT to be a boy instead of a girl. It’s very stressful, I know for a fact that I’m not a boy and don’t want to be a boy or a man, but my OCD keeps telling me that the feeling of thinking I look like a “pig wearing lipstick” is gender dysphoria. At this point, everything I do is laced with “you wanna be a boy, you’re trans, you want to be a man, one day you’ll transition into a man and your thoughts will be proven right.” It’s very exhausting.