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Does anyone suffer from the fear of schizophrenia or having psychosis or being possessed just want to know I’m not the only one I feel like us as ocd sufferers think we’re alone

OCD freaking sucks. I am not seeking reassurance with this post I am just so frustrated by having this disorder. I am officially starting treatment next week but sometimes it feels like it is an unbearable wait to wait even just a week. I am so tired of questioning and stressing and having uncontrollable anxiety ALL the time and not feeling I can do anything long term to stop it. Sometimes I just wonder if this is my new normal and I won’t ever feel the same again. I am so sick of constantly questioning if I’m gay or bi or attracted to women or having thoughts that make no sense but get twisted into making me think they mean something when they do not. I’m sure many of us can relate but god I am so sick and tired of dealing with this. I want to be able to look at another woman without questioning if I’m attracted to her or getting intrusive thoughts and feeling disgusting about myself. Like it’s every single woman. It makes no sense and I’m so tired of questioning and feeling so out of control.

Anyone here who tried doing ERP themselves? How is it? Is it effective? Is it even possible??

Has anyone gone through this or is still going through this and can give any tips on how to make it stop? The intrusive thoughts during sexual activities are simply bothering me so much that I'm afraid to do anything like that because of the thoughts. I couldn't do it for weeks because I was always thinking about some atrocious thing, but yesterday I failed and now I'm feeling bad because even though I tried not to think, it's like I had an open folder in the back of my head and I blame myself for not being able to delete or block it. I'm afraid that avoiding it will become a compulsion and disrupt my sex life, but I also don't feel comfortable doing it often because of the thoughts. Does anyone identify? any tips to improve? I'm repressing myself because of this and I know it's not something that will do me any good. Sorry if this is inappropriate.

Lately I've been having a bit of paranoia due to one of my events. I do art commissions for money. Late last year I took a kind of big commission. It was something I hadn't tried before and wasn't super comfortable doing but I took it anyway because I wanted the money. While working on it I got less and less confident and ended up getting too anxious to work on it and kept putting it off. Because of my avoidance I didn't realize the commissioner was trying to contact me about an update until I finally worked up the courage to check my socials until early this year. I apologized genuienly and refunded them immediately. I then took a break from taking them because I had a habit of taking more than I could chew. There was another commission I forgot to do, nothing big, and I refunded that one too and apologized as well. I started taking them again, this time making sure to limit myself to a manageable amount and not take payments until I've actively started working on it. It's been great, I haven't had any trouble finishing them and any I thought I couldn't I didn't take. But now I've been having an OCD theme lately where I'm worried people are calling me a scammer behind my back or spreading that I am one. I haven't been able to find proof of this but I also wouldn't be able to if someone just posted it to their followers and not publicly. This has been really making me want to quit doing art for money even though it's nice to have the extra income and I genuienly dont want to scam people, I just have bad avoidance problems I'm trying to work on. I dont know what to do, I can't stop thinking about it and it's making me anxious to advertise. I want to compulsively delete my accounts and change my name so I'm unrecognizable. But I don't want to not take accountability, I want to be honest and open and prove I'm different like I've been able to so far. I still get commissions, but i feel like its not as many as i used to. Or maybe I'm just paranoid. I don't know what to do, I know it's my own fault but I dont want this to follow me forever.

Hi!! I've been doing pretty good lately but the thoughts haven't stopped the anxiety is less now. But tired of hearing the thoughts. I'm a confident straight woman and all ai want to be with is a man. I've been single for years and i have been wanting a boyfriend. The thoughts are making me feel like I'm just lying to myself and it's annoying and frustrating.

So I’ve recently discovered my ocd, my brother had been diagnosed when he was younger and struggles to a lot more noticeable degree. My parents have tried to their knowledge to help him with his obsessions before he had started therapy. I’ve always been there for my brother when he’s really dwelling on a trigger. Over time I had learned more and more about ocd and started to discover things about myself I never understood. I have struggled with mental health since I can remember and always brushed it off as chronic paranoia. But I started notice a lot of similarities between mine and my brothers triggers and after researching, realized I too suffer ocd obsessions and compulsions. My huge concern right now is even though my triggers and obsessions are different than his, I feel doubt about whether it not I am valid to speak on it. I feel guilty because I have watched him suffer false memory ocd and I don’t experience that so to me it seems ultimately worse. I had opened up to him recently about things I’ve been struggling with since I was little and he confirmed all of it as ocd thoughts and obsessions. I feel like suddenly all these unanswered questions about what’s wrong with me suddenly makes sense, but I’m so behind in discovering this that I’m afraid of being honest about it, and it being perceived by others as me trying to combat with my brothers experiences. I can talk to a therapist and it’ll feel like I’m being seen, but in my personal life, even with my boyfriend I have the chronic fear that people think I’m lying

Every time I talk to my bf I feel worse, but when I’m not talking to him I feel fine. I don’t know what to do. I keep obsessing over everything he says and the way he sounds, and the way he acts. I feel like I don’t like him anymore. It’s all so confusing. I’m so scared of hurting him. Looking back I’m pretty sure that I was experiencing ROCD or relationship anxiety, but now I’m worried that it’s morphed into real feelings. I’m so scared. I’m so worried. I cry almost every day. I’m so tired of it all

does anyone else have a rly hard time getting over fights/ previous issues with partners? my partner messed up a while ago but it really wasn’t a big deal and we bounced back instantly but for some reason i can’t let it go, and the more i try to stop thinking about it the more it pops up in my head. i know our relationship is solid and he is awesome but what can i do to stop these intrusive thoughts and stop self sabotaging??

Hey! I don’t want to get too political or upset anyone, but I just am feeling really alone: Has anyone else been facing moral scrupulosity or other intrusive thoughts about world events like the war on Gaza? It’s hard to know what’s an appropriate amount of concern and what’s OCD and it’s kind of taking over my life.

Send any support you can for dealing with this. It is very difficult.

hi! I have never talked about this before so this is going to be quite long but I just need to get this out and I hope someone can relate to something. I’m a 22 y/o about to start my PhD in the fall and I have struggled with mental health my whole life. I had a pretty shitty childhood and throughout life it felt like bad things just kept happening to me, almost like the universe was against me (it didn’t help that I grew up in the church). I’ve always been a little “particular” about things but never had the classic counting, repeating, etc symptoms, and my mental health journey started around 15. high school sucked of course because it was high school but all day every day nothing seemed to shut my brain up!! finally when I was 17 I met a psychiatrist I actually enjoyed talking to and she diagnosed me with bipolar II because I was quite the delinquent for a time but I would also get super sad a lot. also important to note that I’m one of those gifted kid burnouts (hopefully no burnt out because I got 5 more years lol) so I’ve always been above average. my psychiatrist was so nice and fun to talk to and for a bit it seemed like she really understood and cared! but somewhere along the way, around age 19, I realized things still sucked in a way that they’re not supposed to if you’re getting the right help, if that makes sense? I started telling her again that my brain is too fast and won’t stop (things I’ve said my entire life), that I have these “silly little things” I do because I can’t focus, and so many other blatant signs (retrospectively). one day she “diagnosed” me with OCD and gave me a weak med for it (guanfacine?) and never really talked about it again and at some point I just stopped taking them. all of our sessions for YEARS were just us talking about life, my mom, theater, school, etc, and every time I’d bring up a concern she’d say “that’s just how my brain is” and “I’m just too smart for my own good” and similar lines – I wasn’t sure what to call it because I feel so guilty and scared every time I question her but I think this has been medically traumatic. I feel like everything is just “how I am” so I have to deal with it and it’s just been that way for 22 years because “I’ve come so far and done so well!” even though I tell her it’s exhausting every single day to have gotten to this point. I’ve been feeling unheard and frustrated for at least 2 years but have only thought about it a handful of times because it makes me feel so guilty - we’re friends! she says I’m one of her favorite patients! she’s so nice! but then one day a few months ago my friend started telling me every silly little thing I did was actually OCD. I brushed it off because I already had a diagnosis (bipolar) and we hadn’t talked about OCD in years, and we would’ve if it were relevant, right? I talked to my psych and got the same dismissive replies and just a change of dosage in my mood stabilizers, like it’s been for the past 5 years. however my thoughts have gotten so bad and the compulsions that I didn’t know were compulsions got so bad that I didn’t want to leave my house unless absolutely necessary after believing it’s all trauma-based so if I go over everything I’ve been through I’ll be cured (very bad idea LOL). anyways now I am at my peak severity (counting, repeating, washing, clenching my body to the point where my jaw hurts, etc) and I got the OCD workbook and have been crying for days because I FINALLY FEEL HOPE. I did not think this part of me — the part I struggle with the most — could be fixed. I found a therapist who taught me about ERP and have been trying to implement it but he is very new to this as well (not a specialist but very willing to learn!) so it’s hard. about my psychiatrist though, can someone please give me advice? is she just a pill-pusher and I’ve been bamboozled and played the last 5 years for that monthly/bimonthly check? :( ok I think that’s all for now but these have been an incredibly intense and emotional few days and nobody understands even though my loved ones are AMAZING in trying. it’s nice to see this is a real thing and that’s not “just how my brain works” :’)

sometimes i genuinely believe that i would be a lot better off as dead. i hate being like this. i hate being me. i don’t want to be a bad person or a burden on anyone. it’s starting to feel like i want the thoughts because they’re no longer causing me anxiety, i don’t know if that’s down to my meds or what but. it’s like i feel disgust and guilt but i don’t feel the panic if that makes any sense? i’m a terrible person, i don’t deserve any type of happiness. it all feels so real, i fully believe what my ocd is telling me even though i know this time a few months ago i wouldn’t have ever thought anything like this. when will this all stop? i feel like the right thing for me to do is end it all

I am jsut so tired i want to go to sleep but my brain wont let me i feel weird and anxious and sick physically i dont know why i just feel so wrong rigjt now i just want to sleep

I struggle with nail picking, and have been dealing with it for about 20 years. There won’t usually be a cause for it- I’ll just randomly start the habit and won’t even realize that I’m doing it until it’s picked off. I think what triggers the behavior is when I feel the nail is uneven, or sharp, or “pickable”. This habit just recently started to also make its way to my lips. I pick the dead skin off my lips and again, won’t realize I’m doing it until they start to bleed, causing more scabs and dead skin for me to pick off. Does anyone have any helpful tips that could break these habits for me?

tw dark intrusive thoughts. if you saw my last post, (ok if you didn't) i talked about my contamination ocd tied to ptsd trauma of dogs. I don't know if what im about to talk about is a compulsion, but its related. And my mom tells me, that she thinks I have compulsions related to needing to talk to people about things. so i really can't stand dogs. looking at them makes me sick, triggers memories. saying the word "dog" makes me start thinking about them in a loop that i really struggle to break/can't purposely break myself. i have a lot of pain and anger revolving around dogs 😢 it feels like people have always tried to force me to like dogs. me saying "i don't like dogs." was never enough, no one would respect it, always trying to fix me and make me like dogs. (which i know it stems from trauma and so yes could/should be resolved, but i want to do it on my terms. i want me saying "i dont like dogs." to be enough and to be respected for my opinion.) again, im angry. it used to just be a fear, but now it is dark hatred. i think of my trauma; i think of people trying to force me to like and interact with dogs; i think of asking my family to please get rid of the dog for my mental and physical sake, that it was me or the dog, and they chose the dog; of when i cried my heart out to random strangers about that last thing, and they said i was selfish and they'd chose a dog over me too. im angry and hurt and don't feel like i can be healed or fixed. and ky ocd and intrusive thoughts make it worse. i used to have nightmares about dogs eating and murdering me, as i grew up i learned how to take control of the dreams and I'd kill the dogs before they could get to me. that bled into the real world mixed woth my hatred, and i cant tell if its really intrudtive thoughts or not for sure, but i think a lot about how much i want to murder dogs. whenever i see one, my first thought is "i want to kill it." a dog passed me and in a daydream im pulling out a knife and stabbing it before it gets me. when i meet up with my family all i can think about is that dog, and how much i want to push it into the road snd watch it bleed. i cannot escape dogs, they are everywhere. i became a recluse so i would limit my time seeing them in the world, only going out on rare occasions. but dogs are still everywhere on the internet. blocking tags and words doesn't work. All it takes is one TikTok ad, Amazon not loaded, and it shows me a picture of a dog and i get filled with so much pain and thoughts about how i wish i could kill every dog on this earth. and again again, im angry that people wont just accept me. i say "i dont like dogs" or "im afraid of dogs." and they tell me im a werido. and it makes me so mad and fills me with a want to tell them my real thoughts. how i constantly dream of killing dogs. they think im weird, well wait till they hear the rest. prople talking about their dogs, sharing pictures. it fills me with a want to just confess. i so deeply feel the want to tell people how much i want to kill dogs. i can't tell if i really want to kil them or not anymore. i wouldn't, but i think i do want it maybe. not to kill them, but for them to all die. i feel like i have a compulsion about telling people about my hatred of dogs. I can't stand to see them happily tallking about dogs, acting like "oh everyone loves dogs, there isn't a soul that would hate them or fear them." i want to feel seen. even if it leaves people thinking im a monster or a weirdo. i just hate people assuming automatically, that everyone and anyone loves dogs. what i really want is just a place where im free from the dogs. that i can have a happy life without all this fear, hatred, snd distress. people like me, who understand not liking dogs. so yeah this mostly turned into just a vent, i dont really remember what advice i was looking for. maybe if you think my need to tell people i hate and want to murder dogs is a compulsion, and or is you have any ideas of what i can do when i feel like this. thanks

I just got home yesterday from seeing my long distance bf for the last 4 days and the moment I got home it felt like a part of me was missing… my mood always drops and the ocd thoughts start almost instantly… before I left I cried about how I didn’t wanna go, this is simply worth mentioning because I don’t cry in front of anyone except for him. This past weekend was just so much fun and I didn’t want it to end. I love him so much but ocd loves to butt in and try to steal my happiness….However I’m too stubborn to allow it to completely ruin my day/week…. I hope everyone has an amazing rest of your day ♥️

Everything is so chaotic right now and I feel like I’m making a terrible mistake in my relationship. I’ve never been in a real relationship before now, just a lot of failed talking stages and infatuated crushes who didn’t even bother to look in my direction. And now I’m with someone who truly does love me and care about me, he checks of all by boxes, but now I’m worried I don’t actually like him or I’m just not that into him. I’m worried this is one of those things where they’re great on paper but I just don’t feel a strong enough attraction. I feel so confused and stressed and doubtful and anxious all the time. I don’t want to hurt him, and part of me so badly wants this to work out while the other part of me feels like I want to leave. The thought of being with him forever scares me and I worry it won’t be right and I won’t be happy. I also worry that I’m convincing myself to stay when I shouldn’t or deep down don’t want to. Every day it feels more and more like I want to leave. It’s just a mess. I’m worried I won’t ever be happy. I’ve been fighting for this relationship so hard, I’ve been trying so badly to make it work, and despite all the stress and anxiety, I’ve stayed. But I’m worried I’m just forcing a relationship that isn’t right. I’m so lost

I recently got into a relationship about three months back but him and I have been talking since last year November. This is probably the healthiest relationship I have ever been in and the man I’m with is the sweetest and kindest person to ever exist. Before this I was in a long term abusive relationship and I would go through rocd constantly with thoughts such as I may like someone else or “I should cheat” even if I’m having a conversation with someone of the opposite sex who’s my friend. My boyfriend is currently on his senior trip and I was out with some of my bestfriends, one of them being a guy that I had a little bit of history with but I didn’t want anything from it because he wasn’t compatible in that way but amazing as a friend. While I was hanging out with them I constantly kept getting intrusive thoughts such as oh I should do something or oh I don’t even like my boyfriend and I kept comparing them for the next couple of days. I feel so guilty and disgusting and I know the thoughts aren’t true but I just feel so terrible considering how amazing my boyfriend is. I really do love him infact we’re planning our future together but rocd is just getting in the way. Any kind of advice would be helpful❤️

This has only started to occur within the last year (I’m in my late 20s). I’ve become obsessively concerned with every single sensation I experience in my body constantly. Realistically, I don’t have any health concerns (besides mental health). I have an intense fear of having a medical emergency in front of another human, I find it to be so embarrassing (only for me tho, if someone had a medical emergency around me I don’t think it’s embarrassing at all). I constantly think I’m going to pass out (I have passed out in public before due to heat and people were laughing at me). It seems like all my bodily sensations have now become foreign to me and everything I physically feel is an indicator that I’m dying. Anyone else struggle existing in their body like this too?