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my hands and arms are breaking out into an itchy and bumpy rash from how much rubbing alcohol and sanitizer i put on my skin. it hurts and it burns. i dont know how to stop doing this. i physically cant make myself stop. washing my hands is inconvenient to do as often and sanitizer, but even if i did hand wash, id still use sanitizer anyway for other reasons. how do i stop doing this?

18+ pls reply yesterday i was trying to fantasise about my girlfriend and i enjoyed it mentally but physically down there i didn’t feel anything? but when i get intrusive thoughts i do? and i’m confused because then it’s like am i not attracted to her? i get thoughts saying im not turned on during thoughts of my gf and its stressing me out is this ocd or is it not????

Hello everyone, I’ve just gotten broken up with by my boyfriend 2 days ago after 6 months. For some background, he was extremely busy with very personal issues on top of getting his PhD. He simply couldn’t give the relationship the time/effort he wanted. On top of that, I had realized that there were a lot of obsessions involved with this relationship on my end, so I put a lot of emotional energy into it. That being said, the actual breakup was very sudden to me because he did not indicate to me (verbally) that this had been on his mind for weeks before this. We had ceven bought each other Christmas gifts just days earlier at a local market. Now, my obsessions would relate many things to him or our relationship (songs, movies, etc), which I was aware of and in the process of working on not doing this to be more independent. I never shared this with him and did a lot to not let it affect our relationship. Now, after the breakup, I am consistently being triggered because I never truly got to surpass these obsessions, and also because we interact almost daily at work (I know what you’re thinking, bad move). I know a lot of these thoughts and feelings will pass with time since it’s only been a few days, but I was wondering if anyone has had a scenario like this for specific advice or just anyone’s advice in general? I’m working on writing my masters thesis and I want to do my absolute best work, but this scenario is making it extremely difficult to focus while at work. Thank you.

my therapist suggested that some of my less bad rocd intrusive thoughts are actually mine, and not intrusive. She ended up taking it back when she saw the alarm on my face and saw how panicked I got. I feel really freaking anxious. We were only talking about it because I mentioned a lot of doubt surrounding those less bad ones, but it only filled me with more doubt. I don’t want those thoughts to be mine. I really don’t. I feel scared and so discouraged after this session. I feel scared about the worst thoughts, what if those aren’t intrusive. I feel so much doubt.

Hi yall - Once people recover they typically don’t post, so I just wanted to post some of my notes as I reach full recovery to hopefully help someone. I had a BIG relapse with Harm OCD, after 10 years of being recovered. I never thought it would happen again, because I had my management tools in place from when I recovered the first time, but it did. I was too comfortable, so the first graphic violent graphic intrusive thought caught me off guard & I spiraled. Note one: Do the exposures. As directed. I would definitely do them with professional supervision, so they can note when the exposures become compulsive, because they might. Note two: It’s not going to happen overnight. There’s no deadline. Don’t give it a deadline. I would wake up in the morning after having a decent night & have to start from square one, but you know what? Each time it was easier to get out of the doom spiral. & that was progress. You have to have a realistic expectation that you will not be back to normal in the morning, or after a nap, or after a good few hours, but it will get easier & you will eventually get there. (It took me two months to feel recovered- just a note) Note three: This is the hardest one… Try to stop focusing on how recovered you feel. It becomes obsessive & then each time you slip up, back to the beginning of the doom spiral. Note four: You’re not alone. You’re not the only one. You’re not the exception. It is just the OCD. Even when it feels like the OCD is winning or it’s in control.. if you’re here & you’re disappointed about it, it’s not. You’re the same person you’ve always been, you’ve just been really scared of something & you will have to work at different angles every day as the OCD latches to different things because it’s creative & manipulative & it will try its best to stay. You’re not the monster, your OCD is.. I’ve thought every horrible thought there was to think & you know what? They are never going away… but they don’t affect me anymore.. Last note: Probably the second hardest one for me… It is okay to let go. I had trained my brain to think that I needed my OCD. It was protecting me. (With the harm ocd I felt like it was protecting those around me too)… that was the OCD talking. It lied. I never actually wanted those things no matter how much I thought I did due to the OCD… You can let go of the OCD. You’re not alone. We’re all in this together. You’re not your OCD. There is hope. It is hard. It does take work. You will get there. I believe in yall. ❤️

So I’m scared I lost feelings for my girlfriend of almost 9 months and I feel like it’s my mind overthinking and anxiety. I talked to her about it and I started crying to her because I don’t wanna break up with her. I care about her being a good person and all and just making sure she’s okay but I don’t wanna lose feelings and I would do anything to get them back. I had the biggest crush on her and seeing her with other guys before we dated even broke my heart for weeks. I wanna live a life with her but it hurts because I think I lost feelings.

I just ended my 2 year relationship with an amazing guy because my intrusive thoughts wouldn’t stop. I started Prozac 9 days ago and the first few days, I felt great and all the original love I had for my partner came flushing back. The next few days I started becoming anxious and today I had to leave work because I could not stop ruminating. When I initially broke up with him I felt a split second of relief, but now I am having the same feelings that I was having before and I don’t know what to do.

Before I was diagnosed with OCD, I would constantly figure out why something triggered me. I don’t know if this is like bad for OCD but it usually calmed me down enough to where it would practically go away fully. I’ve been in the worst spiral of my life for about two months now. There’s certain thoughts I cannot sit down and think of triggers because it simply makes them worse. However, there are thoughts where I notice that they pop up around the same repetitive trigger. For example: inappropriately grabbing my mom would flash before my eyes when I would playfully reach for her. This happened so many times over the last several weeks and I kinda had an “aha” moment a few minutes ago. It’s basically like an extra barrier, an extra warning. The last thing I want to do is make my mom uncomfortable and whenever I grab for her, the worst case scenario appears. As a form of *remember this could happen, stay away.* Maybe this all sounds obvious and if it does, I’m sorry. Essentially, I would also feel like I almost did it, ofc it did, all I saw in that moment was the worst case scenario. The urge I feel to do it was a compulsion to test if I would even get close to considering it. I don’t actively think of it, it feels like my ADHD brain kinda solves the puzzle and throws out the answer at a random moment. I don’t know, maybe this all harms me more but in my experience understanding why certain things trigger me (not why the thought is there, figuring that out makes me worse, I keep a generic broad idea: it’s probably the opposite of me *shrug*) have helped me a ton. I’m still hypervigilant and I’m working on just refocusing my attention to the present but I wanted to share for any opinions or advice. I’m still very new at handling this and learning since I was only recently diagnosed so please take all of this with a grain of salt. The last thing I would want to do is make anyone worse. So any thoughts?

About a little over a year now I have had this constant feeling that “I’m going to die” or “need to die”. It started in the summer of 2023, then when fall came around it went away for a while. This past summer it began again and has continued since. I remember searching online “Why do I feel like I’m going to die?” That’s when I read about suicidal ideation. I wasn’t sure if it was that or if it was possibly another OCD flare up. These thoughts are just constantly lingering in the back of my head. Whether I’m at work or out doing something fun I get this really upsetting feeling that I’m going to die. I become panicky and cry a lot when I feel this come on. I’ve also been so terrified at the thought of death and what happens when you’re gone. It’s difficult to tell whether I’m depressed or if it’s suicide OCD. My brain always tells me “What if I actually want to die?” or “What if it’s not OCD and I’m actually just insane?” It is so debilitating living with this. I also have another thought saying “What if this is the only way to make things stop?” I get extremely worried about doing something bad to myself everyday. I can’t even tell what’s real or not anymore. Does anyone have any similar experiences or advice?

Hello all! I need some recommendations from anyone who tried therapy with the NOCD therapists. preferably anyone who is struggling with Religious OCD, SO-OCD and Existential OCD If you tried therapy here, how was your experience? would you recommend any specific therapists for a specific subtype? any feedback is appreciated!

For context, I have severe health OCD and contamination OCD. I also am possibly on the autism spectrum. Sometimes I truly wonder if it actually is this debilitating or if something else is underlying. I can’t go out in public anymore, my physical symptoms are so severe that I can’t do anything but lay in bed, they are so severe that I wonder if it’s a chronic illness instead, I can’t do my online school work, I can’t hang out with friends, I don’t enjoy things I normally would anymore, I’m starting to lose hope, every day I’m unbalanced, floaty feeling, pressure on my chest, weird tightness where my heart is, PVC beats, headaches, my heart races when I get up, I feel weak, I’m so tired not physically but mentally, I don’t have motivation to keep up with my hygiene, I can’t even walk down the road without panicking, I can hardly even sit in a car to go to the doctors, my appetite is completely lost and I’ve started losing weight, I’ve started to even get depressed because I realize how sad my life is, I worry over every single symptom and every sensation I feel. Everything feels so real and so intense. It ruined my birthday, I didn’t even enjoy it or do anything. I’m so exhausted. I’m not even exaggerating, I eat, drink water, sleep, and lay in bed all day. I don’t do anything. I’m only 17 and it already feels like my life is about half over. Each day that goes by feels so hopeless and meaningless that they have started to merge. I really started to go downhill whenever the election happened. Then my therapist didn’t have any openings for 3 more weeks so I haven’t left the house, my life 360 says I’ve been in my home since “November 14th” my symptoms got really bad (which i definitely was sick with something looking back), and now I just feel the same symptoms I listened above every day. I stopped taking hydroxyzine cause I found out that it can cause heart issues and haven’t felt safe to take it since. I was prescribed Zoloft for the second time, it worked the first time but now my mind is too scared to take it again for fear it may make me worse. So I can’t take medication. I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore, my life is so depressing. I’ve just started to go completely downhill. I’m 2022 this is the month that I went to a mental hospital for the first time, I’m about to make it a second cause i genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. Is OCD really this debilitating? It feels like I genuinely have to have something else, there’s no way that something mental can really cause this much devastation in someone’s life. Right? I don’t even know anymore. I’m trying to stay positive but I just want to break down and cry. I feel so lost and hopeless, am I really this broken mentally that it’s ruining my entire life? I would appreciate any support and motivation to keep going because I genuinely feel emotionless.

I’m a female who has never been too interested in make up. For the longest time I remember hating how it felt on my skin, and no one was around to teach me how to do it properly. Whenever I put it on, I feel like a pig wearing lipstick, you know? Recently, I’ve been really wanting to wear some and learn, so I’ve collected make up items and watched videos and tutorials, but whenever I do it I seem very anxious or very upset with the end result, like I don’t like it. I think I’m just not used to seeing myself wearing it, but my transgender OCD keeps telling me that it’s somehow proof or evidence that I’m actually a boy instead of a girl, or that I somehow WANT to be a boy instead of a girl. It’s very stressful, I know for a fact that I’m not a boy and don’t want to be a boy or a man, but my OCD keeps telling me that the feeling of thinking I look like a “pig wearing lipstick” is gender dysphoria. At this point, everything I do is laced with “you wanna be a boy, you’re trans, you want to be a man, one day you’ll transition into a man and your thoughts will be proven right.” It’s very exhausting.

I went out with one of my friends the other day to visit a university campus. The campus was rlly beautiful. However, until we reached the buildings and wanted to explore inside of them like the student center and music department and such, I kept noticing that pretty much every building on the campus had a Prop 65 warning (which indicates that some chemicals may cause cancer or birth defects of some sort) imprinted on the front of each building. I started feeling queasy and overwhelmed and kept circulate many thoughts surrounding the aspects of cancer and the symptoms that it could bring about. I was confused and also a bit pissed off. I kept thinking if we were to live in a safe and non hazardous environment, then WHY WOULD THEY EVEN STILL USE THESE EXACT CHEMICALS THAT COULD PROBABLY KILL US IN THE FUTURE!!!??? I’ve seen these warning signs before but this is the first time that I ever felt like I’m actually vulnerable because I keep thinking that since we are being exposed to these chemicals we are probably going to “catch” cancer from it and spread it elsewhere When I got home, I took a shower to get rid of those thoughts that make me think that I “have” cancer on me from the exposed chemicals, I basically “eradicated it out of my body through the shower and scrubbing” Bottom line is that I have very little medical experience or knowledge about cancer aside from knowing some concepts of it in Biology. Yet I still feel that urge to literally stay away from any place that has those signs and even people that have been in those buildings!! I honestly dk I think this kinda broke me a bit. I just need to grasp the truth being said by professional personnel (I’m seeing a talk therapist) referring to doctors, nurses, health specialists etc without feeling so paranoid when realizing that pretty much things that I’ve already done can cause these effects. Overall I appreciate you reading and hearing me go insane over this The sign on every building (Azusa Pacific University, Glendora CA)

Today was one of those days where OCD decided to throw a curveball—completely unplanned and uninvited. It wasn’t one of those moments where I’d geared up for exposure practice or had a strategy ready. Instead, it hit out of nowhere. This morning, I noticed a massive 4-foot scratch on my car when I got to work. It was glaring, impossible to miss, and my mind immediately spiraled into overdrive. This was after intentionally avoiding any distractions during my commute (no videos, no crutches). For about two hours, I had no idea how or when the scratch happened, and it felt awful. My brain latched onto the uncertainty, feeding me all the “what ifs” and “should haves” it could muster. And as if the scratch itself wasn’t enough, there was the bigger, familiar fear lurking in the background: the fear of being a disappointment. The thought that I might have harmed someone or caused damage—or that I would be a disappointment to those I valued the most—loomed large. It wasn’t just about the car. It was about the story my OCD loves to tell me: What if this makes me bad? What if I’m careless? What if I’ve let everyone down? In that moment, I had to make a choice. I couldn’t undo the scratch or magically find an answer to what caused it, but I could decide how I responded. I kept telling myself: This is uncomfortable, but I can handle it. Something happened, or maybe it didn’t, but either way, I have to sit with this feeling. Later, my husband figured it out. The scratch happened when he was squeezing by my car to bring the trash bins in. Even after learning the cause, though, the anxiety didn’t disappear. If anything, it hung around, whispering that I still needed to fix something or do something to make it “right.” What’s wild is that I’d been having a great couple of days before this. I felt like I was making progress—fewer compulsions, less spiraling—and then this situation hit, and I felt like I’d been thrown a million miles backwards. That’s the thing about OCD: progress isn’t linear. And then there’s the added layer of fear: this nagging worry that I’ll never stop letting people down, that even little mistakes or accidents somehow make me a failure in someone else’s eyes. That weight can feel unbearable sometimes. As the day went on, though, I noticed a shift. It wasn’t dramatic, but the anxiety started to lose its edge. I’m proud of myself for not falling back into old habits—no reassurance-seeking, no obsessing over the car, no chasing answers to make the anxiety disappear. But I won’t sugarcoat it. It’s still hard. I’m nervous about getting back in the car later. Will I feel paralyzed, stuck in the moment when I first saw the scratch? Or will I be able to move on like it’s just another part of the day? Right now, I don’t know, but here’s what I do know: I didn’t give up today. I faced a 9/10 anxiety moment, and even though it wasn’t graceful or ideal, I kept going. It didn’t feel good, and it wasn’t perfect, but I’m still here, still trying, still moving forward.

When i’m very anxious, one thing that calms me down a LOT is talking to other people or hanging out with them or texting them. It’s not a matter of feeling wanted or anything but moreso that being around other people is a great distraction and I get to escape my own mind for a bit. But now I worry that this is indicative of some sort of serious mental health issue or something… i’m so scared

A few days ago I posted about the urge to type up cp spelt out into Google. As stated in that post I know it’s essential harmless. It would generate articles and statistics. I’ve never given into this urge. My therapist theorizes that my OCD has its own morbid curiosity. I think that’s possibly true. But this urge has me feeling almost restricted? I can’t get on my phone or computer without feeling like I can’t breathe. I think it’s maybe anxiety but it’s driving me crazy. My therapist is newer at treating OCD. She told me I was her first client with in an active OCD episode. She’s mentioned ERP and workbooks, I’ve met with her twice. We normally go in what I wrote in workbooks and my journal about OCD. She suggested I type it into Google (since it’s technically not harmful) once to see if that urge goes away and if it doesn’t, to use it against my OCD by saying, “this urge that seems to be promising relief from anxiety is a lie, we’ve done this before and I gave in. You’re lying and we’re not doing this again.” I mentioned that this might just give my OCD more power over me. Or use the guilt against me. I’m scared to do it. I know it’s harmless again. But I’ve been thinking about it for a while and I don’t know if I should take that advice. Can anyone give me their input or perspective? Or maybe even what they think their therapist would say? I trust my therapist but we’re both very new at this and I’m terrified of this getting worse but I also hate this restriction feeling/anxiety. Input please, I really appreciate it

Today i didnt look on reddit and didnt looked on this app at other peoples posts to seak answers. But i still had major anxiety that made my heart racing . O had moments when i thought that my bf is annoying and that he is not for me, i didnt live him bla bla bla. Felt real, still feals real but i did some progress. I dont really know how to do erp on my own and i need advice. i feel like im seaking reasurance everytime i post here because.. i do but i need advice from people that understand me.

Is this an ROCD thing? I get really annoyed and start to think ‘maybe he’s not actually nice’ because sometimes he likes to be playful with me but my ocd HATES that. There are a few things he does that trigger the hell out of me. I’ve told him what they are. But sometimes, I think he forgets. I think it’s his way of showing affection but it irritates me so much. I feel so guilty because it’s probably normal. If he hugs me too tightly, I have to say ‘you know I don’t like that, please don’t do it.’ I hate being negative like this, it hurts my heart 😟 But if I haven’t seen him in a while, and he’s missed me, he gives me a tight hug, like a squeeze. It makes me feel trapped and my ocd thinks he’s trying to ‘control’ me 🙄 I have a big thing about being listened to, because in my past relationship, I wasn’t at all. So now my ocd has taken this to the extreme. One slight thing I’m not sure about, my brain goes to ‘he shouldn’t have done that’ ‘why would he want to annoy me’ ‘a good person wouldn’t like annoying me’ ‘maybe he’s not good then.’ I don’t know how to get out of black or white thinking, or whether I am valid in not wanting certain things and maybe he’s not listening to me or respecting me? That was very hard to write, because he is respectful and listens to me 😩 when I say don’t do that, I expect to be listened to and that thing never happen again. But they are such little things, and new things come up all the time, I don’t think he can keep up. Or am I making excuses for him? I don’t know😩 it’s like I need someone to tell me if what he’s doing is normal or not. If I’m stressed, sometimes he’ll jokingly pat me on the head, but I hate that, it just makes me more annoyed. Sometimes he hugs me too tightly and I feel resistance when I try and let go. That one makes me feel controlled, but really, it might be he just really misses me. I’m so scared I’m ignoring signs or red flags. I know in my mind I’m not, but I have to be listened to end of, otherwise I can’t relax. (Comments that say ‘that’s not good’ or something like that will just REALLY trigger me , thanks 🙏🏻)

I’m having a really difficult time and was hoping someone could give me guidance/advice on how to deal with this? It’s tricky because I know ocd is playing a part but there is actually a moral issue here and I feel extra trapped in this. Basically, my dad had this girlfriend when I was a kid who he was engaged too. She had this dog who I fell in love with and the dog actually came to live with us instead of her townhouse because he could roam freely at our house. Long story short, they broke up when I was 16 and the dog stayed here. The dog was never trained and had a lot of behavioral issues, and my dad was so terrible at handling them, plus I think the dog reminded him of his ex. Anyway, he treated the dog so horribly. He’d lose his temper so often, and if the dog wouldn’t come inside, he’d just leave even if it was bad whether because he had this mindset of his life not revolving around the animal. That’s eventually how the dog died, he accidentally was hit by my dads truck. I know my dad felt awful about it, because he never would’ve wanted that, but it still happened because he wouldn’t take care of the dog. I think the dog was sick, probably Lyme disease, and he needed help, and I didn’t do nearly enough to help him. I didn’t know how to get him to the vet as my dad really wouldn’t do it, I’m disabled, and like I said, he had lots of behavioral issues and was a biter. I was scared and just felt frozen. I feel like such an awful person. I didn’t do enough to help him, both in terms of his health and to get my dad to treat him well. On top of that, my dad has always been my best friend, and now I feel like an awful person for that as well. Nothing excuses what happened, but it’s been years and I don’t know how to handle it now. I feel like I need to tell everyone but that feels like a compulsion but also I feel like I’m doing something wrong if I do that and I’m just suffering from guilt and anger and I’m upset this ever happened and my dad ever did something like that and I don’t know what to do because this one is genuinely bad and I loved that dog and everything in my life today feels like a lie.

Sometimes I really think it’s not ROCD because sometimes my boyfriend actually does annoy me. He might just be doing normal boyfriend things, but they really trigger me. He’s being playful, but it makes me anxious, and I can’t handle that sort of thing atm. I don’t know whether it’s my ROCD tricking me or whether he just annoys me and I don’t like it, simple as? He does something, like pats me on the head in a playful way. I say ‘why did you do that?’ ‘What did you mean by that?’ I didn’t give him permission to touch me on the head, so why did he do it? Does that mean he doesn’t respect me? He knows I don’t like that sort of thing, so my ocd sees that as being disrespectful (I know, ridiculous🙄) I’m expecting him to be perfect, but I can’t control the actions of another. I’m probably blaming it on ROCD because I don’t like the idea of not having a boyfriend. This is really hard, I am so sick of this shit. I need a break from this crap. I’m triggered every time I see him, can’t be present and just feel so tense. This is not what a relationship should be like surely? So why am I continuing? Before I see him, I get really excited and when I’m not with him, I miss him, so I’m very confused. Would I miss someone I didn’t want to be with? If I miss him, that’s a good sign right? I just want a break. The guilt is overwhelming. I feel like I’m living a lie, like I’m not being true to myself, which is really hard because in my past relationship, I did lie to myself. I wanted to believe he was a good person, but he wasn’t, and deep down I knew but I didn’t want to accept it. My current relationship is the complete opposite; he’s so kind, respectful, wants to spend time with me. My family really likes him. I’m not lieing to myself in the same way as before, but how can I not feel as if something is off again now feeling like this😔if a regular person without ocd felt like this, they would break up because they weren’t happy. I can’t say I’m ever happy spending time with him at the moment, which breaks my heart😞 I carry on though, because I’m hoping I can get through this with therapy. How sad if I find out it’s not ROCD. I don’t think I’ll ever trust myself again. I don’t know what I’m looking for posting this, because reassurance doesn’t help anymore, it just makes me feel better writing my feelings. I would love an answer, do I want to be with him or not? But, I know I can’t get that. That would be so simple for a non ocd person to answer, but I will never know 🥺 I’m wasting this precious life, it makes me very sad 😔 (I get really triggered by comments that agree with my ocd, like ‘that doesn’t sound good’ etc, thanks 🙏🏻)