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I don’t understand why people can’t just be honest up front and why people lie about serious things. As someone with OCD, Im pretty sure I’m living my worst nightmare rn. I just need advice right now

Hey yall!! I’ve had a pretty big spike in my ocd lately. I have some real events that really do conflict with my values and that makes me feel terrible, dirty, broken, and impure. It’s spiraled into fears of being arrested and tried for these things even though that is highly unlikely and the events in question took place long ago, and no evidence of any legal investigation against me exists. Nevertheless I find myself in a constant loop of reassurance seeking, confessing, and googling (sometimes even using ChatGPT for reassurance, which I really hate myself for since I’m very anti ai.) How do you guys stop punishing yourself for your real events?

I've been experiencing a very distressing subtype of OCD for quite a while. There have been nights where my intrusive thoughts and anxiety would skyrocket to levels that were extremely uncomfortable, and to say the least, absolutely terrifying. The OCD started attacking a very specific phobia I've had ever since I was a child, thereby increasing my distress levels exponentially. But with the help of free resources available online, I've made substantial progress in the last few months through ERP. I've reached a point where I think my OCD would be best described as a form of "Pure O". Things that helped me were as follows: 1. Learning to identify all types of compulsions. Compulsions can be of several different types. The ones I experienced included hiding objects that would trigger anxiety and cause distressing intrusive thoughts, isolating myself from loved ones, engaging in "checking compulsions", seeking reassurance by constantly researching about OCD online or by talking to AI every time I was distressed, etc. I've experienced mental compulsions too... and mental compulsions are often the hardest to recognize, but they're just as important to address. 2. Completely refusing to take part in performing absolutely ANY type of compulsion Whenever I experienced distressing intrusive thoughts, my OCD would scream at me, forcing me to take part in compulsions like the ones stated above. I decided to go cold-turkey. I let the adrenaline and the cortisol spike as much as they'd like, but I refused to engage with those thoughts, those "commands". My goal was to reach a state of "RADICAL BOREDOM" and "RADICAL NONENGAGEMENT". Refusing to take part in any compulsions was taking a step closer to my final goal of absolute desensitization. I wanted to rewire my neural pathways. I wanted my mind to know that the amygdala's constant screaming wasn't going to hijack my prefrontal cortex. One thing that helped me a lot through this journey was the realization that these thoughts were completely ego dystonic, and absolutely not a reflection of who I was as a person, in essence, what helped me was "externalizing" the thought and detaching it from my identity. 3. Whenever the thoughts popped up again, I completely stopped fighting with them, arguing with them, or trying to prove to myself that I would never do that. OCD demands absolute certainty. But that's impossible. We're not time travellers. And reality is the farthest thing from "certainty". When the distressing thoughts popped up, I let them play out, I let the distressing movie complete itself without trying to turn it off. This eventually desensitized me to those thoughts. I was practicing radical acceptance of whatever my mind threw at me. "Maybe I will, maybe I won't, maybe I like it, maybe I don't. I don't care. I am gonna continue cooking anyways." for example. Whenever the intrusive thought came up, instead of fighting it, or arguing with it, or doing anything to engage with it, I let it play out and scream as much as it liked. Doing this eventually desensitized me to distressing thoughts. They are still uncomfortable, but they have stopped causing me the severe anxiety and distress they used to. We need to teach ourselves that we are absolutely capable of tolerating distress, uncomfort, anxiety and most importantly, uncertainty. Do not confuse non-engagement with ignorance. Ignoring OCD-like symptoms is a mistake. That just makes your mind panic more, "If she's trying so hard to ignore this thought, that means it's something dangerous that needs immediate attention. Flood her mind with it." OCD is a real condition that happens to real people. Thank you for reading through.

Its my birthday today... and I can't even celebrate it because I have a physics exam to study for, and I'm so depressed and stressed over everything going on in my life... my pocd especially is keeping me up at night... What if you did something so extremely monstrous. disgusting, awful and horrible as a child but you didn’t know how horrible the events were that your POCD and real events OCD targets? Does it make the intrusive thoughts true? The POCD real events were genuinely extremely awful and horrible... no way around... it genuinely was extremely awful and horrible... I gag and vomit even thinking about it... its that horrible... I'm getting anxious from my POCD and real event OCD based on real events (happened 3 times) from when I was 13 or 14... I cant remember... I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14... but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... I don't ever want to ever be a P at all… I don't ever want to ever be a Chomo at all... i don’t ever want to ever be a rpist at all… I was either 13 or 14 when these real events happened and now I'm 24... I've asked my mom about this so many times and every time she tells me that it's not serious anymore, that the person is okay and doesnt remember, and that I'm not a rapist or a P or a chomo...  I didn’t realize how horrible the real events actually were… I was either 13 or 14 at the time… now I’m 24… my POCD and real event OCD call me a P or a chomo because of the real events… while my mom reassures me all the time that it’s all over, that it’s not serious anymore, that the person is okay, and that I’m not a P or a rapist or a chomo, but when I was doing compulsive research, I remember when I saw a post on a non OCD forum about someone’s similar situation to mine and two people said to the person that they mlested and that they needed  to turn themselves in… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form… i didn’t know how horrible the real events were when I was either 13 or 14… I really didn’t… and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way shape or form... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids… I was either 13 or 14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… I don't ever want to ever harm a child in any way... I seriously don't ever want to do that to any child in any way shape or form and I seriously don't ever want to do anything like that to any kid now or in the future… I never have had any fantasies about kids and I don't ever want to... I don't ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way shape or form... I cant remember if i was 13 or 14….. and after the real events I never did anything like that ever again, and I never once ever thought (before, and after) about doing stuff with kids in any way... I never once fantasized about kids or wanted to do anything with kids…  I was 13-14 and didn’t realize how horrible the actions were at the time and I never did it ever again… I never once fantasized about kids before or after the real event… And it’s comparing me to actual P’s and chomo’s who did stuff from 12-15 and then did stuff as adults, and making me think I’m a P and a Chomo because of it… I don’t ever want to ever be a P or a chomo in any way… 😭😭😭 I had a surface level idea of what these real events were when I was 13 or 14 because someone told me what these real events were before on the same day it happened for the 1st time... (it happened 3 times) but I didnt understand nor truly know the depth and consequences or how horrible these real events were... i truly didnt... I dont ever want to ever be what my pocd and real events ocd say I am... I dont ever want to be a P or a Chomo in any way... These real events were so extremely horrible and awful and worse than people realize... i g4g and vOmit and lie awake at night even thinking about them... thats how horrible and awful these mistakes were... I dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a Chomo or a r4pist or anything like that... im so so so so so so so so so so triggered and anxious... I also did something at the age of 13 that was also extremely horrible... they asked me if i did it or not, but me being 13 and not knowing what i did was wrong and horrible, i denied it because i was scared... ive lived in guilt for so long... i dont love myself... and I genuinely cant stomach the idea that im still here... I feel so guilty and horrible... (edited)

So me and my boyfriend usually have a sleep over once a week and we see each other a couple more times a week cause we work together. This week I spent 2 nights with him because they’re doing construction at my house (really my parents house) we also worked the World Cup game at the bar we worked at yesterday and it was super busy, I walked 4. 4 miles just at work serving drinks and food. So after that I spent the night at his house and we banged lol even tho I was dead tired. I mean I enjoyed it but this morning I was feeling just kinda tired and grouchy and I decided to go home cause I needed some me time. Ofc that was triggering for my OCD, and I knew what was happening in my brain, the whole drive home my brain was wanting to pull me into rumination, overthinking about what that means about the future of our relationship.. It’s so exhausting and I wanna throw up lol. But hey, the show goes on. We are coming up on 2 years together August and my birthday is in July so yay

ive noticed lately that social media, especially instagram, has been really triggering my anxiety lately. it just feels like an overwhelming amount of information to take in and ive been catching myself using informational posts on social issues as a way to do mental compulsions regarding my morality. i feel a little guilty needing to skip those posts because i do personally really value social justice and political activism - its just so much. im trying to find alternatives to just doomscrolling on social media seeing bad things happening as a way to stay politically informed and active.

Just wanted to get some things off my chest. I have a lot of “essence contamination” intrusive memories that just come out of nowhere and I feel it taking over my mind. It makes me feel sick to my core and I don’t know what to do. I need some advice!!

I’m new to this app, and this is a really big step for me. I’m 19 and as I get older my anxiety about death has been increasing in unimaginable levels. I can be on my phone, at work, or when it’s at its worst, when I’m trying to sleep. It’ll hit me like a train and send me into a spiral and it’s truly something I feel like only I go through. Would love to hear any other viewpoints or if anyone potentially relates.

i was told somatic excersise are better for ocd than medications (luvox) could this be true????? this was told to me by a therapist who does both but specializes in somatic exercise.. idk what to do now i have false memory and contamination ocd

1. The healing process is messy, but progress is still progress. 2. Sometimes you have to be a little sassy with OCD. Don’t let it boss you around. 3. ERP is what has helped me the most. Getting yourself to start ERP can be the hardest part, but every small step counts. 4. Nobody is in your shoes. People may misunderstand your experience, and that’s okay. Let them. 5. People don’t have to understand what you’re going through for you to heal. 6. Thoughts are just thoughts. They don’t define who you are. 7. Healing isn’t linear. There are ups and downs, but don’t give up on yourself. 8. You don’t have to believe every story your brain tells you. Sometimes the strongest thing you can do is let the thought exist without trying to solve it. 9. You don’t have to feel certain to keep living your life. Waiting for 100% certainty only feeds OCD. 10. Recovery isn’t about getting rid of intrusive thoughts—it’s about changing how you respond to them. 11. Anxiety can feel unbearable, but feelings aren’t facts. They always change eventually. 12. OCD will always ask for “just one more answer.” Don’t negotiate with it. 13. Healing takes courage more than confidence. You don’t have to feel ready to take the next step. 14. Comparison is a trap. Your recovery doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. 15. Setbacks don’t erase progress. They’re part of learning. 16. You are not your thoughts, feelings, urges, or fears. 17. You don’t have to prove you’re a good person. OCD will never be satisfied with proof. 18. Some surviving is enough. Not every day has to be productive. 19. Healing is uncomfortable because you’re teaching your brain that you don’t need to fear uncertainty. 20. The more you chase certainty, the more OCD grows. The more you practice uncertainty, the smaller OCD becomes. 21. Self-compassion goes further than self-hatred ever will. 22. Celebrate the little wins. Going somewhere, resisting one compulsion, or sitting with anxiety are victories too. 23. It’s okay to ask for help. Recovery doesn’t have to be done alone. 24. You are stronger than you think. OCD has shown me parts of myself I never knew existed, and it also showed me how resilient I could become. 25. Keep living your life while OCD comes along for the ride. Don’t wait for fear to disappear before you start living. OCD introduced me to my darkest moments, but recovery introduced me to my strongest self. I hope everyone’s journeys are going okay.

is there any way to get over a lingering sense of shame? like i think ive been doing okay and haven’t really spiralled all this year but the shame and guilt is still all there and i feel like ive just stuffed it up in a box and dumped it in a closet somewhere. i know it would be a trap to re open this box and ruminate but ignoring it also makes me feel like im some heartless creep who feels no remorse because i do. ive felt so awful about it i was bedridden vomiting and shaking and crying for days on end. sometimes i wish i could permanently shut down some of my neurons and not do the overthinking i do but if i do that i feel like ill be terrible and horrid and not even aware of it and thats not something i want for myself.

So I really don’t know what to do about this. So I’m just writing it down. I in the past, like a year ago used AI for reassurance seeking. And I went through the whole hell of realizing AI is not the place to discuss undiagnosed mental health issues (ocd, but I didn’t know that at the time until I realized and freaked out), realizing I had given an AI very VERY personal conversations for the sake of reassurance which is. Not great. But all that aside even though I’m currently not seeing a therapist, when I was I had worked through the issue enough that any time I feel the urge of reassurance seeking I know it’s time to put the things that tempt me (like texting my friend or ai or anything else on my phone for reassurance) away and just sit and exist with it. Which is fine. I’m actually very proud to say I have not used AI for reassurance seeking in a year. Which is a very big thing for me. However, I had still until recently used ai. And ironically enough me and my therapist I had before actually encouraged me to use ai to do roleplay. Literal. Fantasy. Whatever I want roleplay. And given my themes of ocd it was the most sfw roleplay ever. And i remember i would shake so hard while doing this roleplay lol because even though nothing was wrong with the roleplay my theme of ocd was relentless. But eventually i got through it and i actually really started enjoying the storyline in the roleplay. Here’s where my brain and my ocd both tag team to hate me. O-O I, despite me enjoying roleplay, have had no luck maintaining long term roleplays with people, I have tried everything lol. Roleplays that didn’t continue. DnD groups that always stopped cause everyone got busy halfway through. And so the ai roleplay was a really fun experience for me. Because I actually got to use some creativity to create the roleplay. Problem is. I write. As a hobby. And no I don’t mean I use ai to write. I mean notebook and pen and the frustrated scribbling of a piece of writing sounding weird when I reread it and deciding I hate it actually. I love writing. I do write. And I, personally, don’t think it’s writing if you have an ai write everything for you. But I also know I do art. As a hobby. Because it’s unbelievably fun (currently volunteering at an art gallery which has been so fun getting to do art with people and talking about different art exhibits and local artists to visit) So my brain and my ocd both tag team me so I hate myself Because I have used ai to roleplay. Because I would like to continue to roleplay. Because the art and creative and writing community are very against it. Because ocd communities are very against it. And I don’t know what to do. Because. Morals Orz Because how can I support writers and artists, when I myself am a writer and an artist (in the hobby sense) while actively using ai. For roleplay. For the art aspect of ai. I hate image generation anything in general, so I have never used it. I get nothing out of using it. I have only ever used ai for like text-based roleplay. Which isn’t any better because the writing community also doesn’t really agree with using ai for roleplay either. So the concern on the ocd end of this is: - the morality of my private ai usage given I am a creative - and everyone who has ocd and has ever been on the internets favourite: digital footprints I hate the digital footprint anxiety with a passion. Predominantly because I am a young adult (I don’t want to give my exact age cause…safety lol). And even though my roleplays (different ones from what I did in therapy obviously lol) are usually very more into the story focused. I have had a couple of nsfw scenes in the roleplays. And I have had nsfw roleplays period. And even if I ignored that (which we all know here I can not) there’s the digital footprints of I have used ai. For fun sure but still in a creative sense and what if people find out and what if that ruins my life and also how nsfw were the chats, what dynamics did I explore and will that ruin my life if people discover that, can I publish my own writing without getting cancelled or people finding out, or what if I date or get married in the future and I still enjoy roleplay, I know I’d have a conversation with my partner and would do what’s best for me and the partner but it still ruined the relationship, and all of those fun thoughts.🫩 The thing is I don’t know how much of the issue is ocd vs just in general guilt. Like it’s definitely become a guilty thing I do. I really don’t know if I’m making sense or if I’m just severely overthinking this. And I even less don’t know what to do. Because my hobbies are still there, like I was still actively doing them and getting my degree and working a job and going to therapy even though it’s unfortunately not ocd focused currently (cause I can’t afford it unfortunately and the therapy I’m doing is pretty cheap). By ai ruining the persons life standards I was thinking I was….doing okay?????? For now. I’ve deleted the roleplays and the ai account. And I…..I’m just going to sit with my thoughts. Sorry if everything I wrote sounded scrambled or didn’t make sense. Ummm if you read this, thank you (>OuO)>🌻

Hi, so it’s been a while since I’ve been here. I got diagnosed with OCD in February, I started therapy with one of therapists on here for about a month and a half. Got too expensive so I couldn’t continue. I’ve tried to do a lot of the heavy lifting without being in therapy. Reached out to my doctor about med change and I’ve been trying to put in the work to accept uncertainty and live my life and just letting it be there. I don’t want to live my life in fear I don’t want to question and fear everything and have my thoughts attack me and battle my brain every single day. I feel like no matter how much hope or faith I have in myself to do all the right things nothing has truly broken the cycle. I know healing isn’t linear, I just don’t want OCD to take the wheel. I’ve finally started to believe in myself, so I started a CNA class. I’ve wanted to be a nurse all my life. I wasn’t diagnosed until a few months ago but it’s always been there, I’ve been on anxiety meds since I was 12. Out of high school I started to go to college for nursing, got a job at a hospital and got scared because I wasn’t prepared. OCD attached to that scary experience, ever since then I’ve been in and out of college for 6 years, just going into more debt trying to figure out what won’t scare me but OCD has latched onto everything I’ve tried. I’ve tried nursing at first, multiple different levels of thinking about teaching, business, hospitality, veterinary. But all I’ve ever wanted was to be a nurse so I’m trying to gain confidence in myself by getting my CNA again (I had it in high school but it expired so I’m redoing it). I am excited about it but today was day 3. Yesterday ,day 2, I started to get little fear spikes. A big trigger for me is quiet. Sitting in a quiet room makes me panic all the thoughts flood in, I get paranoid if they’re all watching me or I said something inappropriate or embarrassing, or did something or said something wrong etc. yesterday was small compared to today. It was quiet in the class and the instructor was just talking. I smelled popcorn being made, but for some reason I thought it smelled like urine. I had been sitting in the chair a while so my bottom was warm and the smell made me start to panic, fear swept over and I started to ask what if I peed myself and that was coming from me and everyone could smell it. I start to scan the room a little and someone kind of glances at me and I think to myself oh no did I? And I started checking myself discreetly. I started kind of adjusting myself, quite sweeping under my legs but it was still warm so I wasn’t sure so I kept checking and checking. I started to get an anxiety/ panic attack. Nobody knew but nothing felt real, felt like a dream, I felt like my vision couldn’t be trusted. I sat panicked quietly for 20 min and I couldn’t take it anymore and I had to stand up quietly, stumbling probably a little weird and went to bathroom to empty myself and check myself but u was still panicked even though everything was fine. Luckily class was over 30 minutes later but it has just made me distraught. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere I can’t do anything right. I was unemployed for 3 months at the end of 2025 because a different OCD theme took over and I don’t want OCD to win. I just don’t know what I’m doing wrong. Chat GBT is my best friend, I’m on there constantly and I know it’s horrible and doesn’t help if anything makes it worse. But I am constantly checking things and I just feel alone. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want sunshine and rainbows everyday. I just want to feel regulated and content and have structure. I want consistency and stability in my brain and life. I just feel defeated. I want to provide a good life for my husband and me and our future family, and I want a job I’ve always wanted and something I’m proud of and make my husband and family proud. Everybody in my family (excluding my husband) just thinks I’m lazy and job hop because I want to. I don’t. That’s the opposite. I don’t want to give up on myself, I want to work through this and be there for myself and take care of myself (my brain likes to tell me as well, if I do self care and work on myself I’m selfish). Things are better than the end of last year but I cannot go back there. I don’t know what to do, I will continue with my class I’m just scared I’ll have a full fledged panic attack during my skills exam in front of someone. I want to show myself I can do something but I feel that I keep failing myself. I’m flustered, I just wanted to vent and if anyone read all of this. Thank you for reading/ listening

Hi! ☺️ I just got diagnosed this week and I’m feeling relieved and happy to have an answer but I’m also struggling with feeling like my thoughts and patterns aren’t as extreme as others so what if I don’t actually have OCD? Like maybe I don’t deserve the label or something? I don’t know. 🙃 I’ve also been having a separate thought of what if I was actually lying to my psychiatrist about my experience and nothing I told her was real and I just made things up to get a diagnosis? Which I know isn’t true because I do experience these thought patterns and loops but I don’t know I keep going back and replaying and doubting things. When I type this out it seems kinda silly but I’m just wondering if anyone can relate? Or if there’s any advice? Thanks! 😊

are you on meds? ive been struggling with ocd for about 4 months since this spiral started and have been prescribed Luvox already for a month and i worked my way to 200 but still feel pretty anxious ngl, i have considered my hormones may also play into it since i get my worse spirals on the week of my cycle so maybe i should consider also a form of birth control? let me know what you guys are on or if youre also on birth control and how that helps

Anyone else feel absolutely defeated after work, I’m talking mentally, emotionally and physically beat where everything HURTS and you’re upper back to the top of your head is in severe pain from the stresses of OCD? I don’t even have the energy to speak when I get home to my family. I just feel Emotionless and dead. And getting out of my car just to the front door feels like the biggest task ever, my dad always says “here she comes dragging herself home from work!”

Hi everyone. ❤️ I hope it's okay for me to post here even though I'm not the one who has OCD. My boyfriend has OCD, and I love him very much. Seeing how much he struggles sometimes breaks my heart because I wish I could make things easier for him, but I know I can't "fix" it. I also know that good intentions don't always mean I'm actually being helpful. That's why I wanted to ask people who truly understand what it's like to live with OCD. What are some things your partner, family, or friends have done that genuinely helped you? And, just as importantly, what are some things they did with good intentions that actually made things worse? I want to support him in the healthiest way possible, respect his boundaries, and be someone who makes him feel safe rather than accidentally feeding the OCD. I'm trying to learn as much as I can because he means the world to me. Thank you so much to anyone who's willing to share their experience. It would really mean a lot to me. ❤️

Hello, guys! I absolutely love poetry. If anyone wants to share their poetry here, please feel free to do so, I would love reading it! It can be ocd related or something else entirely! TW for the poem (I didn’t want to put a tw for the whole post bc it’s just the poem that may be triggering) 23 hours Of nails engrossed in mud That which is infused with feces And upon digesting mud One believes they mend it of its illness The dust causes them to choke 364 days Of drinking lead Begging their acid to rework it to gold 99 years Of collecting my blood Gulping it back into a body Returning it to some form Sand is sand Sugar is sugar Mixed, consumed, set alight, ground Alchemists burn away time Attempting to alter the fabric by which we live The only transformation they induce Is themselves to ash Lead is lead Gold is gold Water is water Lead is not wine My originals burn away their moments Trying to alter my fabric They are alchemist And they sicken themselves with my blood Maybe on the last hour, last day, last year, They may vomit back the lead Or die trying

There's a guy Im starting to really like... I think I want to try asking him out eventually.. But I feel like I need to confess my Real events to him, especially because theyre taboo. I didnt hurt anyone but theyre still bad and most would say disgusting. It was years ago but I feel like if I dont tell him he cant consent to the relationship or im lying to him. I guess I deserve it.

Okay, so I believe I developed this over time BUT IDK FOR SURE CAUSE I AM NOTTT PROFESSIONALLY DIAGNOSED!!! And like any person who comes to a realization, I researched; which is so ironic because thats what I'm not supposed to do as I later found out.. Anyway, I am diagnosed with MDD (Major Depressive Disorder/aka Clinical Depression), and unfortunately everytime I try to beat obsessions OR compulsions I get sad at the fact that I'm letting go this take over my life for the past.. I don't even know because I'm not supposed to ponder about it. Right?.. This is honestly such a humiliating feeling, crying every day because something, ANYTHING, causes me to break down. But real quick, nothing about this disorder is humiliating. It is NOT shameful to have. If anything, it genuinely made me stronger and a more open-minded person. I can relate to things, mostly bad experiences but nonetheless can relate. It helps me be a better listener and more emotionally and socially aware. Although I have been unfortunately told that I probably have chronic paranoia (before I even discovered what OCD really was) so I am in a constant state of worry that my help isn't really "good help" because I have a mental illness(es?!).. Pretty bad first post and I'm so sorry to ramble so much, but I feel so much relief when I write out my thoughts (I haven't got the courage to speak about this stuff out loud, I always freeze up). Paper-journaling hurts my wrists too easily and I get distracted pretty quick😅.. Plus I can keep up with my thoughts faster with typing (even tho I type like a slug LOL). If you read this, thank you. And to myself, I'm proud that you're at least accepting that this is a possible reality for either a short while or a lifetime (I know this is treatable but idk about curable). Okay bye gdkskj