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My OCD is looping so bad on this. I really don’t know how I’m going to survive this breakup. My relationship was ruined from ROCD and all the faith he had left in me is gone. People keep telling me he’s going to come back eventually and I really feel it too, but I know it isn’t guaranteed. Nothing is. I don’t know what to spend my days doing anymore. The thought of talking to him makes me panic. I have to see him at work in a few days and I just can’t bear it. I can’t fix things, he won’t let me. How do I get him to understand? I know I can’t do anything… I know nothing I say will work right now. But will it ever? He said he still loves me. But he can’t date me. I’m crushed and I feel like it can’t be over.. I just wish he understood and believe me, I tried. I can’t stop imagining him talking to other girls it’s making me sick. What can I do????

I’m really confused about my feelings for my boyfriend and I don’t know what to trust anymore. A while ago, I started getting really strong thoughts about breaking up with him. It didn’t feel like a random thought or just an urge. It felt like I genuinely wanted to break up, and that scared me because I love him and didn’t understand why I was feeling that way. I kept asking myself, “Did I actually want to leave him? Why did I feel that way so strongly? Shouldn’t I feel more upset? Why wasn’t I scared enough?” Now I constantly question whether I love him. Sometimes I ask myself, “Do I even love him?” and my brain immediately says no. Then I panic and think, “What? Why can’t I prove to myself that I do love him?” I keep wondering if my brain somehow knows something about my feelings that I haven’t realized yet.When I’m alone, the breakup thoughts and doubts can feel extremely real. I start thinking things like:Do I even care about him?Do I want to break up with him?What if I don’t actually love him? What if I’m too scared to realize that I don’t? What if we break up later in the school year? Why am I not scared enough?Why don’t I feel more worried about losing him?But then when I’m actually with him, things can be completely different. I can feel happy seeing him. Sometimes I get this huge smile when I see him and feel so happy I could cry. I want him close to me. I can be affectionate and lovey dovey with him. Sometimes I feel comforted just being around him. I’ve also enjoyed flirting with him and sometimes things feel completely natural. That’s what makes me so confused. If I really wanted to leave him, why can I feel so happy and affectionate when I’m actually with him? But then when I’m alone again, my brain starts asking if I even care.One time when he came over, I was already anxious and overwhelmed. I wanted to hug him and I asked for a kiss, but while I was doing those things I suddenly started thinking, “Am I doing this naturally? Am I showing my parents something? Am I proving something?” I wanted to hug him, but then I started analyzing whether my affection was genuine. Sometimes I can recognize that something he does is cute or that I would normally find him attractive, but I don’t get the emotional “aww, my baby” feeling I expect. I’ll know intellectually that something is cute, but emotionally it can feel empty, like I expected something to happen inside me and it didn’t. That scares me because then I think, “What if I don’t love him?” or “What if everything I’m doing is fake?”I’ve also noticed that sometimes I can know that I’m attracted to him but not actually feel the attraction strongly in the moment. It’s like I know I find him attractive, but I can’t access the feeling I expect to have. I also sometimes notice other guys are attractive, and then I immediately panic and wonder what that means. I’ll think, “Why do I care about other guys? Am I pushing my boyfriend away?” I don’t necessarily want them, but noticing someone else can become another thing I analyze. Another thing that scares me is looking at my boyfriend’s pictures. Sometimes I look at him and feel like I’ve lost him or like he’s disappeared from me. It can feel like he became a background character or like I forgot about him. Then I panic and think, “Where is the love? Why don’t I feel it?” The weirdest part is that sometimes I’ll think, “Okay, maybe I don’t love him,” and then immediately I feel like, “WAIT, I don’t want that.” I can get really upset or want to cry. It feels like two parts of my brain are fighting. Recently, I started a new school year and I was extremely tired, anxious, overwhelmed, and had a headache. I noticed that my emotions felt even harder to access. I kept asking myself whether I loved him, and then when I saw him I became really happy and affectionate again. But afterward I questioned that happiness too. I don’t know if I’m experiencing ROCD, anxiety, emotional exhaustion, feeling detached from the moment, or something else. I want help understanding why I feel so confused and why I can’t seem to trust my own feelings.I especially want to understand why I can feel so happy and affectionate when I’m with him, but then when I’m alone my mind immediately starts asking whether I want to break up, whether I care, and whether I even love him.I’m honestly exhausted

March of 2024 was when I started therapy with NOCD. 4 months later was when I got an OCD conquer achievement but honestly, felt imposter syndrome. I wrote something about my journey with OCD treatment that September but I never posted it. I always wanted to but I never did. So here I am, 2 years later and want to let my words out for others to see because I deserved that achievement and still do. Here it is :) OCD Conquer In July, I got awarded an OCD Conquer badge congratulating me on my progress in therapy and my reduction in my symptoms. When I first got it, it was very hard for me to accept the progress that I have made. I have a difficult time being happy for myself when it comes to accomplishments and I have imposter syndrome a lot. So when I got the news that I got the badge, I kind of pushed it to the side. I knew it was a huge deal, but I doubted myself. I still do. Now, it is September and it has been about two months later. I keep seeing “ write a community post” and “ share your milestones with others” and I want to do that today, even after all this time. My OCD began in 2020, at least when I noticed it, and it was really bad. My first theme was sexual orientation OCD. In 2021, all of a sudden, new themes started making their way into my mind. POCD was a huge target for me and just everything to do with sexual attraction whether it was animals, family, everything. I felt so confused and lost and awful. On new years eve of 2021, that is when I decided that I needed to go to therapy. I was so scared of myself and what I might do to others and I opened up to my mom that it was time. Long story short, I first saw a councilor then a therapist before I started at NOCD and they were good, but the underlying issue was not being figured out, my OCD. A friend of mine told me about NOCD and recommend I try it out and see how I like it and its methods for treating OCD. Here I am, months later, and I am very thankful for NOCD and my therapist. I have learned a lot about OCD and what not to do in-order to avoid doing what OCD wants, but I have also learned a lot about myself and I have noticed so many ways OCD has controlled and impacts so much of my life. It has and still affects my relationship with my family, my friends, my pets,, my values, my beliefs, and sadly most of all, how I see myself. I still have a hard time with self worth and confidence but I am working on it little by little and learning to lean into the uncertainty with things. Whether I believe it or not, I have come such a long way. I am doing things that OCD made me believe made me a bad person ( maybe it does :) ) and I am learning not to be a people pleaser. I have learned that sometimes it feels like my OCD is gone, then it comes pouring down on me reminding me that it is still very much present. I am learning to patient with myself and my progress and being proud of myself my accomplishments instead of just brushing them off ( which is difficult). And something I am so proud of myself for, I am not avoiding the things or people that trigger me. I am putting myself in situations that are uncomfortable and training my brain to realize that avoiding these things does not necessarily make me safe. I am doing things today and thinking things today that me even at the beginning of this year would be so scared of. And trust me, I still have those days. In fact, I had one today. But the fact that I have had thoughts that would make me ruminate for a long time and I am actively continuing to live my life and stopping compulsions is a huge step for me. I am so proud of me and how far I have come and I am so thankful for my therapist here at NOCD and everyone who has helped me every step of the way in my mental health journey. I have had ups and I have had downs, but I am here and continuing, and that is beautiful. To finish off, one piece advice someone with OCD told me that has helped me a lot with days that I feel like OCD is taking over or I feel like I am right back where I started is this: “ Expect and accept” expect hard days. Expect to have days that OCD feels extra difficult, but accept it. Do not be so hard on yourself if you have a day where a theme you thought you got over came back again. Bad days are inevitable, expect it and accept it. We can be too hard on ourselves sometimes ;)

⚠️ I did turn on the trigger warning for this post as I am going to be reflecting on some past experiences be upsetting or triggering for others. So warning that this will contain topics of hoardering, filth, and trauma. ⚠️ I want to start by saying, I am new to therapy and as you know the beginning can be really hard, as it contains a lot of reflection and that can cause some distress. So, I thought that a good way for me to deal with some of those intense feelings would be to openly talk about it with people who may understand where I am coming from. I started struggling with OCD in middle school and really saw the uptick in early high school. I moved back and forth between my mother and father a lot growing up, and that is a whole other can of worms that we won't get into. With that said though, I moved in with my mom full time sometime during 7th grade, and it was a difficult transition for many reasons, but one that became a big issue was the living conditions. My mom has always had a hard time with having too much shit, just clutter everywhere, and over time it got worse. Everyone in my family love animals, and would have a rescue if we could, but we know that we don't have the time, money, or space for that. Well my mom didn't seem to understand that, and as other material things became less satisfying, she started talking in animals we did not have the capacity for. THIS is when things got bad! It started with 2 cats, an elderly dog, and 2 ferrets, and you'd think "oh that's not bad?!" But it didn't end there... Those cats both ended up pregnant, (they were unfixed outdoor cats) we got 2 more cats, and here's the big kicker... 23 FERRETS!!! Now I want say that I love ferrets, they are hilariously adorable and ridiculous, but they're not clean, they are smelly, and require high maintenance. So, picture this: a home with 5 people (2 adults 3 kids) 23 ferrets, 4 cats, (2 pregnant) an elderly dog, and a house that was never clean in the first place. My step dad with in the military, leaving for deployments for long periods at a time, leaving my mom with 3 kids and all those animals. She did nothing... She barely cooked meals for us and did laundry, and as the next oldest person in the house it fell to me... Or I was screamed at to do it. Naturally, things built up, my two sisters who were in early elementary school, and myself were made to be responsible for everything. When it got bad, it was our fault for "not doing our chores" and it got to a point that I only had one friend that I was comfortable with and trusted to come over and not judge me, who is still my best friend to this day. She and I, when my mom would be doing something with my sisters out of the house, would have to try and clean as much as we could before she got home and even then secretly try and keep cleaning when they got back. This went on until I moved back in with my dad somepoint into my freshman year of high school. After I was not living there full time and had some level of control over my own space, I noticed that things started to change in how I needed/wanted my environment and how easily triggered I was by clutter or mess. I can handle "dirty" I don't have a contamination issue, but order, I do need. Everything has to have a designated spot, certain colors together are an issue, some aren't, even and odd numbers or amounts, even down to how my clothes HAVE to be folded or hung. I also struggle with PTSD and ADHD, which can also almost counteract with my OCD, causing procrastination and avoidance, making chores build up until I can't avoid them anymore and then I have to have a manic cleaning day where I spend hours upon hours cleaning, rearranging and working tirelessly to get everything back to perfect. I will stay up all night to finish the project and then I have to patrol my own house to make sure everything remains the same, until I fall back into the cycle that always repeats... This is the story of where my OCD began, and where it has brought me. I am here now because I need and want to make a difference in my life and break these intrusive compulsions and thoughts and better my day-to-day life. I am looking forward to what therapy has to offer and the tools I can gain to better cope and improve.

I have an extremely hard time saying “maybe, maybe not” in regards to harm OCD. Especially as a mom. I know we are told to accept uncertainty but I’ll never be able to accept harm. I’ll never be ok with that. How will I ever habituate to these intrusive thoughts if it’s so against my morals? I’m going on year 3 since the onset and I’m still terrified of it.

I have posted my feelings on reddit , nocd noone replied but ai replied instantly and was caring

So I recently got reacquainted with an old friend from high school. When we went to school together, we weren't the absolute closest but I was always very fond of him. I was really struggling with covid related illnesses and depression at the time and have always struggled with maintaining friendships, so I wasn't really all that close to anyone. However, out of everyone that I was friends with, I got along with him the most / he was my favorite person to talk to. Anyways, we started talking again, and it was all very easy. We pretty much fell into the same rhythm all over again. I'm worried about two different things. The first thing, before we started talking again, I was really convinced I had / would get a crush on him based on how he treated me in high school. It's not that I had a crush on a teenage version of him, but rather that I was more inclined to get a crush on him based on reflecting on things he did for me during our time in high school / imagined he was still just as kind as then but now also a mature adult. Back then, he threw me a surprise birthday party with my favorite foods, drew me, comforted me when teachers at the school made racist remarks, etc. I took all these memories and projected them onto an idealized adult version of him. Basically, I got a "crush" on an idea of him if that makes sense. I dont even know if I would fully consider it a crush; it felt more like I was expecting to get a crush on him if we reconnected. Anyway, now I'm worried I'm a weirdo and am actually just pretending that I didn't have a crush on teenage him as an adult. It feels extra worrisome because as far as I can remember I never felt romantically interested in him back in school. Again, I dont really think I had a crush on teenage him, I just created this idea of an older version of him based on the information I had, but Im still worried that I was somehow being weird. The second thing Im worried about is that Im pretty sure I actually ended up developing a real crush on him, and I can't tell if its because I was expecting to all those months ago. We've been talking online for a couple months now, not super often but just every now and then. A week ago, he invited me out to go to the local art museum since he'd been wanting to go and I had never been. I should clarify, prior to this outing, I had pretty much shut down any expectations about developing a crush on him and did not have one at the time. I got it in my head that I only knew this current version if him so well and any "crush" would just be an idealized version of him I was fabricating and nothing real. Anyways, we spend pretty much the whole day together, and it was genuinely the most fun I've had in ages. We joked a lot and just got on really well. I really can't stress how nice of a time I had. The whole time I was with him, I wasn't really all that worried about crushing on him or anything. I was just focused on the hang out. While we're together, Im learning a lot about his current life and interests and vice versa. He's very understanding of my OCD and just overall very kind and super funny. Again, Im not really crushing on him at this point. Then we get to my place in the evening, and he drops me off and heads back to his place. The next couple of days, Im riding the emotional high of being around someone who I truly feel myself around, but still not convinced Im crushing on him. We continue to text a bit, and he tells me he watched my favorite movie which made me really happy. It's around this point where the thoughts about liking him start popping up. I dismiss them at first cause Im convinced they're OCD related. Then today, as Im trying to take a nap, my mind drifts back to him. I was thinking about inviting him over later this week since my mom is making a traditional hispanic dish (hes half Mexican, but doesn't get to eat authentic hispanic food much since that side of his family lives far away). My brain starts running made up scenarios in my head. First its things like what if he thinks I like him and stuff like that and I just ignore it. Then, it starts running similar scenarios only this time it's what if he tries flirting with me. This is the part where I start to realize I actually have a bit of a crush on him because I start to feel a little happy at the idea. Also, when I tried dismissing the scenario by being like oh I'll just politely decline any advances, I felt bummed out because I didn't want him to think I wasn't interested. And thats when it fully dawned on me, that the singular outing and texting sessions we've had since then have already swayed me. Im not madly in love with him or anything. If I found out he was already seeing someone or just wasn't interested in me, I'd be alright and simply happy with being his friend. But I cannot deny there is definitely interest and I've just been trying to convince myself otherwise. So the thing Im worried about is that Im just projecting again and not actually interested him. I really feel like that one outing was enough to make me crush on him a bit, but again Im scared im being a weirdo. Also, Im now getting super in my head about how to approach the way I talk to him now. I do like him, but Im not planning on asking him out or flirting or anything. However, I feel like now Im just gonna start being awkward around him and its gonna ruin or friendship or something. I also have no idea what to do if he were to be the one to flirt with me. I really dont think he likes me, which is more than okay, but on the off chance he does, I wouldn't know how to handle that. I dont think Im in a place to be in a relationship with anyone because of the severity of my OCD, but there's this nagging part of my brain thats like what if he expresses interest and I tell him no and I miss my only opportunity to be with him. Compared to the crushes I've had in the past, none of them have ever been this intense or real if that makes sense. I used to be superficial when it came to dating cause I just wanted everyone to like me and I would throw myself at people. With him, it feels very different since its rooted in an actual friendship. This also the first crush I've had in years. I just dont know how to approach this situation. Any tips on how to handle ROCD would be great as this is my first experience with it.

Despite me being truly convinced that I've been abusive to her. I had met my current best friend in Junior year of highschool, and we only became truly close during our Senior year and the following few years. She's been basically the only person I've associated with (outside a few buddies I had before graduation) amidst my depression and my life basically falling apart. I've done a lot of rumination over my handful of years of having her in my life, and the conclusion I've come to is that I've been absolutely terrible to her, despite the fact that she swears up and down that it's not the case. The first point of rumination is just all the times I've said creepy/perverted stuff to her, tried to engage with her in a sexual way, etc. There's been so many moments throughout our 4+ years of knowing each other where I would say something dirty/flirty in hopes something would blossom, and it was either so ill timed she would call me out on it, or she didn't really realize the implication. A handful of occasions I had been a bit pushy/trying too hard without really realizing it, but as I've grown as a person over the last few years I end up remembering and feeling gross about it. I'm also struggling with a couple of false memories, or at least, what I HOPE are false memories, convincing myself that I either have tried/wanted to touch her without her wanting it at some point. She tells me that I haven't done that and she would remember if I did, but I'm so scared that I've wanted to do so at some point and convinced that I've tried at this point and the thought horrifies me. I sometimes feel like I only ever became her friend for sexual reasons, or something. Something I'm horrified could be true. A point my mind holds against me often is how I'll video call with her when she's in a state of undress, and it's like, I'll want to do it more because of it? As scummy as that sounds? What makes it worse, is that I talked to her the other night about things that we often do together that in my eyes are an intimate thing, whereas she sees them as stuff she does with close friends. Showering on the phone, stuff like that. Which makes me feel worse for pursuing a relationship like that with her when it was never there at all. The second point is largely a byproduct of the first point, where I had often felt immense guilt over my previous actions and would profusely apologize and deliberately avoid her for long periods of time. She's told me that I've caused her a lot of pain doing that to her, despite me feeling like it's the right thing to do quite often. So despite everything I've talked about, like I said, my friend doesn't have any issues with me. She swears up and down that I'm too hard on myself, and when I ask what exactly she wants out of our relationship, she says she just wants me to keep being who I've been, who in her eyes, is her chill friend she can talk about whatever with and play games with. All of what I've talked about isn't even a factor. Something me and her have talked about is how she's pretty dense when it comes to social things, so part of me can't help but wonder if I really have been as horrible as I think I have been, and she simply hasn't had it click. I care about her so much, man. Maybe high school me was only thinking about sex. I don't know anymore. All I know is that even if I didn't care back then, I DEFINITELY do right now. She's such an amazing person and easily the best HUMAN I've ever had in my life. That's why this is tearing me apart so thoroughly. The idea that I've been so horrible to the only person who actually CARES about me at all makes me lose sleep.

I got my first job which and I feel like I’ve been too reckless with money ever since 😭 Well I’ve always kind of been reckless with money but I’ve spent like $400 on clothes this week while making minimum wage and that’s like half my paycheck. Not to mention other stuff like groceries and gas. I have a savings account and i rly rly need it to pay for college (i also lost my financial aid bc i did rly bad last year due to mental health reasons… i rly hate myself for that cus i actually love school and my major but that’s a whole other topic). Anyway i also wanted to move out in like 3 years so i rly shouldn’t be spending money like i have. And I’m cutting my hours a bit next month too because my job is burning me out and I’m taking the fall semester off, but i’ll come back next year and I’ve already struggled to balance school and my job individually and it was hard enough finding a job so i can’t quit to prioritize school and i can’t wait too long to go back to school bc knowing myself if i take too much time off school i might not come back. I’ve only been working for 2 months (so I’ve had like 4 paychecks) and i tell myself I’m just splurging because this is the first time i have my own money, and i’ll probably run out of things to buy the more i work. I also tell myself I’ve been wearing the same clothes since middle school so i should update my wardrobe now that i can, and last month i spent about $400 on a kindle because I’ve been wanting one for a while and i wanted to read digitially without getting distracted by my phone bc I’m running out of space for my physical books and i can’t get rid of them because I’m a bit of a hoarder (that actually is ocd related). And after every hard day at work i buy myself a matcha latte (which is like $8 in my area) because i want to reward myself for making through the day y’know? Something to look forward to to get through the shift but turns out everyday is a hard day—and I’m not just using that as an excuse to spend money, this stresses me out SO bad 😭 I have a bit of sensory issues and i try to refrain from doing my compulsions bc i don’t have time to bc there’s so much to do and because I’m trying to hide my OCD. And my manager is so stressful. She scolds and yells at us for *everything* and when she’s in a bad mood, she’ll keep an extra eye on us just to find something to yell at us for no matter how small it is. I’m trying to stay bc itd look bad on my resume to quit this early and because I’m trying to prove to myself I’m not a quitter because I’ve had a bad history of giving up when things get too stressful and life isn’t easy so i gotta learn to be tougher. Which is also another issue on its own. I genuinely feel so weak and stupid and i have so many examples and evidence to support it. Anyway I’m typing this before i have to go in for work and im stressed just thinking about it and im hungry and didnt have time to eat and didnt bring any food and we’re not allowed to leave to get food during our breaks (my break would be too short to even if i could) 😔

Okay so I know it sounds dumb but anybody with ocd might understand the feeling of small decisions feeling like life or death. So I went to bath and body works and bought three scent refills for my car freshener, but the one I chose kinda sucks and the smell makes me feel anxious and weird like it doesn’t reflect who I really am, so idk if I should take it out and buy a new one or just keep the scent and feel really weird about it and overanalyze it everytime I get into my car. The other two scents are specifically for later fall so I can’t use them yet. I know it sounds like I’m being so overdramatic but the fact that this scent will forever be a theme and memorial of this era of my life is really weighing on me. I feel like I need to choose the perfect scent to be the theme for these next few months or else I’m gonna regret it and feel guilty

Hi everyone! I’m 23 F and would love to have some friends to talk to who also experience relationship ocd. Mine has gotten a lot better but was flaring up this week as my boyfriend just left and we are in a long distance relationship. Any advice or people to chat with who have experience with rocd would be nice:)

Usually i am a very empathetic person, when i was younger i’d always cry when my siblings got hurt or when they were upset and i am so terrified of physically hurting people, i never want to cause someone pain because why would i want someone to feel that if i don’t want to feel that for myself. but recently i have been thinking what if i don’t actually care for other people and their feelings or whether they feel pain or not, and it scares me because it makes my harm ocd worse and thats not me. i want to go back to my normal mindset it feels like my thoughts are consuming me

I’ve had a really hard day, night. Back to back (what I presume are) crippling anxiety/panic attacks. I’m trying not to convince myself to go to the ER yet again this month. I have been so many times the last two months.. Every time, I go in with the same symptoms, squeezing icy cold chest pain/discomfort, having to focus on my breathing, feeling like I’m having a heart attack or on the verge of death.. each time I keep saying “this time it’s actually something serious” and thankfully it’s not, but dang it I can’t keep doing this. How can this simply be just anxiety/panic? How can it literally make me have symptoms that feel like I’m not okay and in such danger? It’s been back to back to back today and night, sometimes lasts a few hours.. I’m literally living in the shower or bath to find relief. I’m scared to sleep tonight. Please tell me I’m not alone. I feel hopeless. The problem is, I don’t even feel anxious or have an impulsive thought or panic and then boom, out of no where I am hit with feeling like I’m not okay. I’m exhausted.

i was wondering if we had any “gardeners” on here, if you know what i mean lol. 🍃💨 and if so, does it help with your ocd or other mental/physical health issues, and how?

I want to know if anyone else has ever had issues with this. Recently, I have been struggling a lot with ROCD. The thoughts are typically centered around comparing my current bf to an old situation-ship I had. My old situation man and I started off as really good friends who had a lot in common. We had really good deep talks and he was and still is such a great person. A lot of people around me wanted us to date, but when he told me he had feelings for me I just couldn’t let myself allow things to take that next step because I did not feel 100% attractive to him in all the ways i felt i should and i knew that i would not be fully in it. After i made that decision, it felt right. I had no second thoughts about it because in the long run I knew that it was the only fair thing for both of us. About two months after I made that decision I met my current boyfriend. He was very sweet and we started hanging out and I did feel that attraction that I felt I was missing in the past. However, in between situations is when I started experiencing my first OCD spirals. Spirals about my sexual orientation, spirals about harm and spirals about my identity. These overlapped with when i met my current partner and he helped tremendously. However, right now it seems. The topic of my spiral has switched to my relationship, which has been the hardest one. I’m experiencing thoughts such as Is this person right for me? Did I make the right decision? Do i miss my old partner? Do my bf and i have enough deep talks? Will i ever get my old partners out of my head? Should i have stayed single? Am I feeling things as strongly as i should? Should i have given my past situation a fair shot? Am i wasting my time? Will i ever be able to be in a relationship with no anxiety? Etc… I think this is all stemming from relationships being a very important thing in my life. I’m a very empathetic person, and I care deeply about other people’s emotions. The scariest thing for me right now is I just can’t tell what’s my intuition and what’s my anxiety. Is my brain telling me that I miss my old partner because I feel I’m more compatible with them and I have regrets? Or am I just stuck in a loop that I can’t seem to get out of my brain is telling me that I don’t deserve what I have now even though my current boyfriend is truly amazing. I just wanna know if this sounds familiar to anyone. It’s very vulnerable of me to share and I could use support and I hope that maybe this helps somebody else.

I got great advice but the problem is the fact that I acted on this by giving a look, hoping he’d see it AND that I told my ex I wouldn’t do anything with anyone else. Pls read I feel like I deserve hell for this. I told a recent ex of mine that I would stop going out with other guys and etc. In hopes we could make it work.. but I saw a different ex at work, and for some reason felt kind of way, so I gave him a little bit of like a look to see if he would reciprocate the look back. I genuinely feel like I committed a war crime.. like nothing I do will make me not feel guilty. Me and the ex from the beginning are currently not in contact but I agree to not do anything with any other guy. I literally can’t stop feeling bad. It’s been over 24 hours. I feel like I have to confess that to him. What do I do? I know it was just a look, but it meant something. I’m not going to be in contact with the recent ex for a while, but I feel like once I am, I’ll have to tell him and he’ll be extremely upset.

Lately I’ve been getting these strange “certain feelings” and sensations whenever I think about my boyfriend or look at pictures and videos of him. Sometimes it feels bland, soft, watery, heavy, or like a weird warmth in my chest or throat. Sometimes I get a sudden jolt or an anxious “yes” feeling when my brain asks things like, “Do you have to let him go?” or “Do you really want to be with him?”One of the biggest sensations is this feeling that he isn’t mine anymore, he isn’t really here with me, or I’m losing him. It can happen really fast and feel extremely convincing. Then my brain starts saying things like, “You’re losing him,” “You don’t want to be with him anymore,” or “You have to let him go.” Sometimes I even get an anxious feeling that feels like a “yes” when I ask myself if I’m ready to let him go. The sensations feel very convincing, so I start wondering if they’re revealing what I actually want. I’ll think about my boyfriend and suddenly get a feeling like he isn’t really there with me anymore or like I’m losing him. Then my brain tells me I need to leave him or that he’s becoming a side character in my life. This scares me because I genuinely don’t want to lose him and the idea of letting him go makes me really sad. Sometimes I feel bland when I look at his pictures or videos, and then I start thinking, “Does this mean I don’t love him anymore?” Other times I’ll see him doing something cute or funny and naturally feel happy, warm, or think he’s adorable, but then I immediately question whether I forced that feeling. The hardest part is that the sensations can come very quickly and feel like they’re telling me what I want. I’ll ask myself, “Am I ready to let him go?” and get an anxious feeling that feels like “yes,” and then I get scared and wonder if I’m supposed to break up with him. I keep trying to figure out whether these sensations are actually telling me something or whether they’re just part of the intrusive-thought/OCD cycle.I’m exhausted because I just want to know what I genuinely want. I love and miss my boyfriend and want him in my life, but these sensations make me question whether that is genuine. I’m scared that one of these feelings means I have to let him go, even though I don’t feel like I want to lose him.

Help :(These thoughts plague me every single day. I can’t find anything anymore that will distract me away from these thoughts. I would rather be single the rest of my life than be with a woman. I desperately want another baby and want to feel ok with a man but everything is screaming at me that I only want a man because it’s normal and I want a family. I have had these thoughts on and off since age 14. I had a break from them for about 3 years when I first got with my ex …I was more obsessed about him cheating and I just put my arousal to lesbian porn to just that arousal because it’s taboo. My partner and I broke up 3 years ago after being together 6 years but he was abusive and he also wanted a sex everyday. Unless I’m drunk or just before I ovulate I don’t mind sex but I’m not hugely turned on but I like the intimacy with a partner and I think I’m more responsive desire. However the longer this goes on and the longer I’m single the more I feel like I just can’t be “in denial” anymore and that im desperately trying to cling on to the idea of soocd to let myself be in denial and not have to come out. I tried to come out to my mum once but just kept thinking I don’t want to be with a woman even though I’m saying I’m aroused and feel like that’s what deep down I am and when she was like it’s normal nowadays to be gay so it’s fine so I was like ok but then cried because I was like but I don’t want to be with a woman and I don’t know how to be a lesbian because I’ve never related to that or felt like that. It’s more that I just don’t feel right with men anymore. I am so lost and every waking moment is like this. I really want a happy relationship and more kids and the idea of a man is lovely but I don’t know if that’s just society in my head. The idea of same sex intimacy really arouses me but I feel sick afterwards and I’ve never wanted to be romantic with a woman. I’m so scared of therapy (I’ve done a tiny bit before but never fully got into ERP) because I’m just so scared it’s going to prove that I really am a lesbian. I got triggered yesterday as my sister has just broken up with her partner of 7 years as they had become like room mates and didn’t have sex or fancy each other anymore …..this has really triggered me because that’s what I want though a man best friend to cuddle and do life with and have kids etc because I so struggle with the sex side of things unless I’ll drunk. I also think I was using reassurance that they were best friends and not having sex all the time as oh I want a relationship like that and it’s normal but now they’ve broken up it’s not normal….I don’t know if any of this makes sense but I just feel like I can’t find any excuses left to not be gay. I don’t want to be with a woman! I want to be happy with a man I just wish I had the arousal with men like I do with lesbian porn (I haven’t watched in years as it feels wrong). I’m also only attracted atm to unavailable men which makes me thing it’s comphet. Am I only not wanting to be with a woman because I just haven’t experienced romance with a woman….but even typing that makes me feel sick but is that internalised homophobia? I don’t know how any of this is going to help. Reassurance no longer works for more than a few seconds. I feel like I’m wasting my life but I’m honestly truly happy when it’s just me and my son playing but I want to give him a sibling so I feel like I need to do something with my life but I can’t find a man because it’s not truly “me deep down”. Sorry this is the longest post ever. I don’t want to spend loads on therapy that I don’t have just to feel worse and for it to prove I’m a lesbian. I’ve tried to not engage with the thoughts I’ve tried lots of things …..I used to get like what I call “glimmers of hope” where I feel straight but these are so few nowadays

If I been on Zoloft and abilify for a year can I stop taken it cause it's not working no more and my doctor won't do anything to help me get off it

I am scared of uncertainty that am i going to heaven or hell cus i had intrusive thoughts about denying Jesus,God.i don’t even know it was intrusively or intentionally but i just don’t want to go to hell.So how do i get right with God and live in Grace of God.Pls can someone give me some advice or give me some scripture that can help me.