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My OCD has gotten to the point where it’s really affecting my relationship and I know I need serious help. My fiancé can only be so patient when I constantly bring up sensitive things and badger him about them trying to get reassurance. It’s not like I want to bring these things up or even think about them at all, but the OCD is so loud and so demanding that I can’t help it. I’ve tried everything I can, ignoring the thoughts, fighting with them, saying “maybe, maybe not” but nothing seems to be working. I’ve had these themes since last September when a YouTube video triggered them. It’s been so long and my fiancé can only take so much. I still do the compulsions and it feels like I only catch myself after they’ve wreaked havoc on my life and I see how much it’s hurting my fiancé and the people around me. I’m so tired of suffering. It’s like I can’t think about anything else, and when I do get a break from them I sit there scared because I know they’ll come back. It’s this vicious cycle of intrusive thoughts, doing compulsions and then complete shame and devastation. I want to start ERP as soon as possible but I’ve been having so many insurance problems and was on the phone with them for over 3 hours this morning trying to figure it out and I didn’t get very far. It just feels like there’s this mountain to climb and I don’t know if I can do it, I know when I start ERP it will be extremely hard but it will help in the long run. All I know is I can’t keep treating my fiancé the way I do. I feel like my OCD is this massive monster in my head that I can’t fight and win against. It’s taken everything I love most (my fiancé, God, being a mother someday) and turned it against me. I feel stuck because I can’t get my insurance to work and I’m at a breaking point where I feel so depressed and hopeless. I can’t get anywhere without therapy and I can’t get therapy without an insurance that will cover it. And on top of all that my fiancé and I are in the process of figuring out how to move apartments, and the stress is just piling on my shoulders. What can I do in the meantime while I’m waiting for my insurance to be figured out? I need to be able to do something about this now or I’m scared it will leave a lasting impact on my fiancé and I’s connection and God forbid he gets too tired of having to deal with it and leaves. What did you guys do before you could get ERP to help lessen the impact of OCD on your life? I need encouragement and helpful advice please.

18+ only Oh my god i actually feel horrible over this, it's really fucking me up rn, I feel so sick. Okay so I think this was when I was 18, but when I was scrolling around on cornhub I saw the thumbnail of this corn vid and I didnt see the face of the woman just her back, and I didnt read the title at all and I pleasured myself to the video and then after a while I noticed the title said "stvd3nt" and I panicked and clicked off super quickly. Now i am so scared that what if it was legit and I WATCHED it and touched myself to it even tho i didn't notice at all at first and I feel so disgusting and guilty even tho the woman looked like an adult. I hate pornhub so much for allowing such gross content to be normalized. I'm so scared I did something horrible and iredeemable even tho it was never my intention and never will be to search for stuff like that. Pls idk if my ocd is distorting this memory, it feels super real and im so scared, I avoid corn altogether now bc of this event. I'm so scared.

Hi, all. I am new here. My name is Bee. After a long period of physical illness that involved some intense suffering at times, I began to develop severe OCD symptoms about four months ago. I have struggled with depression and anxiety in the past, some of it serious business, but all of that truly felt like a walk in the park compared to this. I am suffering from obsessive and intrusive thoughts about religion, to start with. Some days I pray for hours, other days for less time, but every day I wake up praying now when I did not used to, begging for mercy and forgiveness. I feel obsessed with how I don't know if God is real or not and how I will go to hell for doubting. I also feel obsessed with needing to find the correct religion and change my entire life and become a different person and become pure and devout. This can cause intense terror for me and I can spend hours obsessing over this. Last month I had about four days where I wouldn't get out of bed except to drink milk and water and pray. I have also developed a fear I have forgotten something life-altering. The subject can change, some themes are persistent and more distressing than others, all of them are upsetting. I replay memories for hours and hours and try to retrace movements. I have no evidence for any of these quite frankly whacky and paranoid thoughts and have even disproven some of my obsession points, yet new ones keep cropping up. After suffering for months in silence, I finally revealed to my family what was going on. One person was initially understanding and supportive. The other two basically thought I needed to get over it and stop being crazy. I feel my one supportive person ran out of patience pretty fast, which is understandable considering how crazy-making this all is. I feel I am not taking very good care of myself (lost about five pounds in a week from stress) and am considering inpatient in a couple of weeks if things do not begin to improve. I can certainly say my outlook has dimmed to where I can barely see a glimmer in the dark. I am really struggling with the level of fear and uncertainty I am experiencing. I feel if I could have some relief from this and think more rationally, I would be in a better place. Anyway, I just wanted to say hello to this community and thank you for reading. I am not looking for reassurance. However, any similar experiences/insight would be appreciated. Thank you -- hope everyone is safe and well.

Every single day in my head, I can’t stop having these issues of thoughts about breaking up with my girlfriend, even though everything is perfectly fine and she did nothing wrong and I don’t want to break up, but my ROCD keeps telling me in my head and I’m having these issues of thoughts about it and I’m not thinking about the present And thinking about what if that happens in the future giving me anxiety and panic attacks I know I’m not going to do it but why am I thinking about it?

Hi! I’ve been suffering for SOOCD/ROCD for 4 years. I have done ERP, currently trying ICBT- but I have a very sticky obsession that I’m not sure how to “not care about” anymore or brush off without needing to know. Sexual attraction. OCD latches on to that theme because I was always very romantically driven- never had that urge to rip someone’s clothes off, but sex feels nice with my partner once we figured out what we like (took years). Anyways, of course my fears are saying I am not sexually attracted to him or men but I must be sexually attracted to women because of (corn). Before OCD, none of that bothered me (maybe a what’s wrong with me here or there) but now I’m convinced it means my relationship with my bf has to end and I need to go sleep with girls. I spend all day and night looking into this concept. It’s been an ongoing for a couple months now, which for me usually I get a break in between- but it’s constant and I always end up googling, ruminating in my head if I don’t research, and hyperanalyzing everything it feels automatic. HOW do I stop? What advice can you guys give me? Please help.

I’m so unbelievably stuck. I don’t want to to want to leave my husband and I don’t want to feel so negatively towards him. I’m in this loop where I’m grateful we’re committed and married and that I refuse to leave him so I don’t have to fear losing him and then I feel all these negative feelings and ocd tells me I’ll feel awful with him forever then and freaks me out that way. Any advice?

Sometimes something just rubs me the wrong way and ruins it for me or I can’t get past it. For example it pissed me off how nocd listed someone as an optional therapist, well they had a massive list of therapist, and I did my due diligence by reading/watching all their bios to thoughtfully pick my top 3, only to get on a call with someone who books your first session, and have them tell me those therapist are not taking new patients and then continued to force feed me all these other options. I understand nocd is a business, they want to book appointments out, it guarantees a positive cash flow especially when health insurance is involved. When I said I’d wait until one of my top 3 were available they said no and then suggested I book my first appointment for the next day! I said I’m not in a hurry and I’d rather take my time since therapy is a big commitment and I’d rather not have to play musical therapist. (I booked my first appointment a month out and it’s here next week already). Anyway just had to get that off my mind, first session is next week and while they weren’t in my top 3 I’m still hoping to get closer to healing from ocd, and they seem like they are well qualified. I’m not trying to offend other therapists I just know who I’d probably click with and wanted to avoid having to switch.

hey guys! this is my second time writing this bc I got distracted and the app restarted…… so, in short, I’m at a restaurant eating during traffic hour (hoping to avoid the traffic on the way home) thinking abt the choices I have for school. earlier, I was at one of my campuses since I had some time to go to my afternoon class after my consultation appointment. after class, I thought abt the program coach I talked to this tuesday (I called her a guidance counselor….almost the same thing ig) & walked to the faculty office area I thought abt it and was considering going home, but I ended up talking to her. one of the best decisions I’ve made. I somehow ended up venting a bit & she listened to me. after being by myself for these past few years, it feels great when you can talk to someone. this talk being abt my future career. right now, it’s either I continue engineering, do the technical route, or do a completely different career with the associates degree I’ll get. I withdrew from my precal course. it had to be done. I just couldn’t keep up and it was fast paced. I overestimated my ability to do it. so, now a good chunk of my worries are out of the way and I can focus on my other classes. another thing is that I need to drop a club bc I can’t do all. so, the math club it is. I wanna keep my art club & still interested in the other two engineering clubs. the coach basically said to pick a club where I feel like they’re my kind of people. wheww, I can’t wait to finally start having friends. being alone irl has been a ride, but now I’m ready to grow and not be stuck inside. ofc, I’m not gonna be going out everyday and doing crazy things. I just want to make my life more fun and interesting. I’m quite nervous of what to pick but I’d just like to have a good job that pays for what I need and want, gives me my preferred work life balance, and good work benefits. thinking of engineering being done for another 5 years…..bleugh. it pays but idk if I wanna be in school for that long. now, if I decide that I wanna do that in the future, then for sure. I just hope to find a great job that will keep me happy in life. I wanna be content. I am blessed with what I have now and will do my best to use the resources I have can we get a moment to congratulate me?!?! I’ve been visiting health professionals so I can get back on track on my health & finally focus on issues that have been present for so long!!! I have been using this app and trying tips to help myself be stronger and gain control of my life back!!! I am no longer engaging in intense gambling!!!! I actually saved money to pay for my kitty’s tooth removal surgery!!!! I am a pet parent who has kitties that love her!!! I am getting better at accepting uncertainty of things!!!! I am finally asking for help at school!!! I’m networking when I can!!! I joined a couple of clubs!!! I attended campus events!!! I’m actually doing homework and doing well in my classes?!?! (we don’t count the math class I just withdrew lol) I EVEN VOTED FOR THE FIRST TIME!!! & not just a general election! the primary election that is the MOST important election!!! I’m one of the few that decided to use my voice!!! the smallest actions can make the biggest impact. can you believe it?!?! wow!!! that’s a lot but my goodness! I have accomplished more this year than I have this past year!!! I knew the light wouldn’t die out while I was at war with myself. I didn’t give up on myself. I didn’t give up on life. I’m strong!!! and I know you, who is somehow reading this, are strong as well! some days are tough, but better days replace them & we get stronger each time. I’m not giving up!!! I have much to think abt but I’m not as scared as I used to be. still a bit scared of what I’ll choose, but I always have the choice to choose better! I’m blessed to be in such a position. I hope with time, those who don’t have the opportunity get the chance. I’m yapping again…..well, I’ll leave it at that. since I’ve been sitting here at the restaurant for about….2 hours…..haha….. I’m def gonna shower and work on hw!!! will now get a good portion of my stress taken away (math class) and can focus on chilling with my fam! ain’t that great. I’m hopeful of a better tomorrow. I will try my best to end today on a good note. I can do this!!! wow, I have a lot to do, but it feels quite good. anyway, I might post later. remember to breathe. be kind to yourself. you can do this! hugs 🫂

First off, this may be VERY triggering for some... that is exactly what happened to me and it's lasted for 5 months and counting... I think this is some combo of Health OCD (about the brain) / Existential OCD (what does this neurological stuff mean?) / Pure O etc. .... What neurological damage can happen from memory-checking 1000 times in a row? etc etc etc Idk if this happens for anyone else but I feel like I am VERY / TOO AWARE of my own "neurology" TECHNICAL processes. Like I really NOTICE the TECHNICAL stuff. Like I'm noticing technical thought patterns, brain chemicals, brain circuitry, memory checking and ability, etc. Like some mad scientist who is too much in his own head and over-doing it to the point of destruction. Or maybe this isn't breaking news to anyone, but I feel like I'm alone in this "type" of OCD. It's like if you're taking a jumpshot in basketball. Imagine doing all the technical calculations just to shoot the basketball -- "ok I'm 20 feet from the hoop, my elbow is at a 90 degree angle, my feet are here, blah blah blah".... no that'd end up in an air ball. You're supposed to "think" in basketball but that is clearly over-thinking to the point of destruction -- and the end result is not good, it's crap. When someone like Steph Curry is "in the zone" it's not because they're like over-thinking everything, it's because they've like "become one with the ball and the hoop and the flow" lol. Almost instinctual. Like many, the OCD process: 1. Trigger / Inquiry > Anxiety 2. Memory checking "Ok did I already deal with that inquiry? Let me check my memory... did I miss anything? etc etc. 3. Rumination / Problem Solving 4. Conclusion / Dealt With / Reassurance It's hard to explain, but every time this progression happens, I feel like I am experience the same neurological technical loop. I'm not a neurologist, but I feel like I'm noticing too many neurological processes in real time. Every time this loop happens, I am TRAINING MY BRAIN and strengthening this destructive loop and destructive neurological effects. So if the loop ends with a thought about the memory rather than the memory itself, that's going to be the new circuitry going forward. But with OCD, it feels like an unstoppable train! If I do basically the same lop 1000 times and it's destructive, that's gonna do something to my brain right!? It feels like I'm a train on fire, and the endless fuel is OCD, and the destination is Alzheimer's. Who asked for this? I'm just trying to live my damn life. At this point I'm more scared of actual neurological damage than the inconvenience of having to deal with OCD. Maybe I need to get a brain scan just to put my mind at ease. I do realize that me worrying about "what OCD does to the brain" can become an obsession and anxiety in and of itself. I think my brain is literally fried at this point. It's so mentally exhausted that I just do what I can to deal with whatever the theme is. I just remembered, and I've had OCD for 10 freakin years! I thought I could fix it myself, I put therapy on the backburner to focus on other things, I haven't made it a priority to get it fixed even though it's screwed everything up. I'm working towards that hopefully this year. My advice is to get treatment and no tt wait til OCD fries your brain!

So I’ve been together with my partner for 3 years, and since being together, I’ve found myself using victim mentality when it comes to uncomfortable situations. For example, yesterday he was having a rough day mentally and just didn’t want to be talkative and just needed his space in general and what I took that as (this is also where my ROCD comes in) he doesn’t want to talk to me or touch me and I start to convince myself that it feels like we’re roommates. I start crying and feeling a gut punch in my stomach, and I just start to think the worst that he has a problem with me specifically. So he voiced to me that it leaves him frustrated because he feels as if he can’t show emotions because then ill over react. I obviously feel so horrible now because of me, he feels as if he can’t show emotions which is not what I wanna do. I really want to improve on that aspect of myself and realize that it’s not always about me yaknow. So if anyone has advice on how to grow from that, it would be super appreciated<3

hello!! hope y’all are doing well today. just checking in :3 warning: loooong post I’m currently awake now. I was gonna “sleep” my morning away until my dental consultation appointment but I decided to wake up at 10. I felt a bit weird today and still feel so. dunno if it was because of yesterday at work or because I now have slept and recovered from those 2-3 hours of sleep lolol I was going to post last night bc I was quite spiraling over replies on posts abt ppl still sleeping with their parents sometimes as adults. MANY said that it was awkward and to never mention to a future partner. thing is, the times I’ve slept with my dad was when my ex broke up w/ me & I couldn’t stand my room & this year’s winter storm. the ex thing was back in 2023. I have slept in my own room for as long as I can remember. then I read more & thought, am I being dependent on my dad? I mean, he does pay my bills so yes, financially at the moment, but emotionally? I was scared looking at the results bc it might mean that I may have some underlying issues that need to be fixed. maybe I might’ve done some compulsions. anyway, recently I’ve been a bit anxious being by myself in the house while my family is off working (my cats are there, so not rlly alone. need to remind myself each time lol) it’s times when thoughts come into my head and don’t make me feel happy. other times bc I rlly don’t have anything to do & don’t have irl friends. I do have hw to do sooooo, I should focus on that. I’m just quite anxious at times bc my boy is more active than his sister and wants to play sometimes. I do play w/ him when he asks, but I wanna add a window catio for my kitties to chill in while I do my things & as well as a catio on my patio so they can also have access and I don’t have to worry abt any of them escaping. I’ve been thinking of going to the local library to study so I’m not thinking in the background; “my cats are most likely bored. I’m probably boring and don’t play with them enough. I need to focus on them more” when I should be focusing on my studies. I’m taking time to really think about this engineering thing. I rlly want to focus on getting a job I like that can make me financially independent and not worry on homework. bc lately, I’ve been worried on finishing hw & having to cancel some family time bc of said homework. I want to dedicate weekends, sundays for the most part, for family. that’s when almost everyone is off. my brother just works in the evening. I think most of this is bc I’m working part time & doing 17 hours of school credit. 4 being my math class that’s fast paced. I overestimated my skill. at least I’m doing great for my other classes. I dunno. I rlly have to think abt this. I might have to tell the guidance counselor I was speaking with the other day that I need more time to think. my brother is 19 and just working for the most part, but he doesn’t have hw at least. he can chill after he comes home & he has friends to hang around with. he’s going on vacation again for the 7th time & I’m glad he’s doing so. I do have something to talk about to him though. will need to plan later. ANYWAYYY, I’m getting sidetracked. I’m in my car typing this away and should’ve been at the pet store already cmvmvmv I’m trying to do less of reddit searches, bc when I have a question, I usually go there. some may be compulsions, others are just advice. so, I will do my best to use it in a good way. about the whole sleeping with parent thing, I was waiting for my dad to come home to hug him but also was thinking of sleeping beside him. I’m the one that always asks and I ask if he’s ok with it. he’s fine with it and never has he asked that I sleep in his bed. he values his kids’ privacy, which we have our own rooms for we as siblings tend to just hang out in his room sometimes even tho that’s what the living room should be for lolol idk, maybe bc the bed is comfy anyway, I’m talking too much. in short, I still feel a bit weird, but riding thru it. I’ll get over it eventually. trying to like being by myself again, since I didn’t mind in the past. trying to solve issues and be content! I think being “stuck” at home is boring now. ofc, I love my cats, but yk, they chill for the most part and the house gets realll quiet when the kitties are asleep. it’s just me and the ceiling fan running. maybe I’ll start walking outside. when my boy wants to get out, I obviously go out with him but I think it’s helping me heal??? like I still deal with thoughts, but I’m getting a bit better?? so a win??? OK, time to end the post! I’m rambling… going to the pet store to get treats for my kitties. gonna wait to eat until after my appointment bc I’m not sure if I’m supposed to lol and then see if I can get out early enough to attend my afternoon class. gonna do my best to make today good. remember to breathe. be kind to yourself. hugs 🫂 see y’all on the next one

I will concede that many, if not most, therapists want what they believe is best for their patients. They might not even realize that they are doing what I’m about to say, or that they are being defensive when called out on it. With that said, I think much of therapy is gaslighting. At least, that has been my personal experience. For example, when it comes to family issues, I’ve noticed therapists can have the tendency to prioritize keeping families together even when they are abusive or toxic, which can involve gaslighting the adult children (can also be elderly parents, I guess). My parents are very religious while I am not, which has caused friction in the past. I remember telling my therapist over a couple years ago that I am an adult and am financially independent and my parents making demands of me concerning religion and other facets of my personal life doesn’t make sense, and she said I was being totalitarian and that I should take my parents to my office which would prove to them I’m an adult. Keep in mind I was almost 24 at the time, had a full time, professional job and lived several states away from them (they just happened to be visiting). You might be thinking, if I’m so independent, then why does my parents trying to pressure me bother me? I told my current therapist last year that it’s like someone constantly throwing rocks through your window. You can withstand it and could easily replace your window, but you shouldn’t have to. She said that my parents could just as easily argue that I am throwing rocks through their window by not being religious. This is…really dumb. I’m sorry. I know that therapists are supposed to challenge us, but I hope you can see why this is a false equivalence. Pressuring someone to be religious is not the same as someone just existing as a religious person. One is a violation of the person’s boundaries, especially if they made it clear they don’t want that. The other is just existing while not believing in something. I later messaged her about this and instead of apologizing or admitting she was wrong, she told me, among other excuses, that I should’ve said it during our session, a common refrain she has used to this day. This leads me to another issue I have encountered in therapy: any criticism or complaint you might have, no matter how valid, means that something is wrong with you. If you think what your therapist said doesn’t hold under scrutiny, then you are ruminating. If you want your therapist to refrain from something you don’t think is helping you, then that’s resistance. I told my therapist about all the negative experiences I had with her and other NOCD therapists including but not limited to forgetting referrals, lack of accountability and accusing me of rumination whenever I raise a criticism and she replied with, “I am sorry you feel that way” and said that I was seeking reassurance. In the session itself she said that ERP is not suited for “soft” approaches. None of the complaints I raised had anything to do with ERP as we weren’t doing exposures when she said what I referred to. I could go on and on, but I will stop here. Just wanted to give a glimpse of the type of stuff I’m talking about. Trust me, there is a lot more. Am I being anti-therapy by saying all this?

This is a really specific theme I’ve been struggling with lately and I’m not sure if anyone else could relate. My biggest dream someday is to be a mom, and my OCD has latched onto that. I’m terrified of messing up my future children. I’m scared they will grow up to resent me or that I will hurt them without trying to, or that my OCD will traumatize them (I’m trying to get it under control before we even bring them into the world) My fiancé and I know we have infertility issues (male factor) and we know we will definitely have to have babies in another way other than the conventional one. My scrupulousity says it’s sinful to still want to have babies with him even though we can’t do it the way “God intended”. And I know the methods we will have to use are considered sinful to other Christian’s but they’ve never had to deal with this kind of thing. The real grief of infertility and OCD have sort of tangled together and it’s been extremely hard. I’m scared my future children will hate me and my fiancé because of the way we have to have them. I also ruminate on future conversations I will have to have with them about their origin, rehearsing in my head over and over what I would say and how they might react/feel about it. Has any other young woman here dealt with this? And if so how did you deal with the thoughts and fears? I would really appreciate some gentle reassurance here (obviously not to feed the theme but about handling the theme). Thanks guys ❤️

I'm currently in a relationship and i have been for about 3 months now, so far, our only conflicts have been consistently connected to my ocd. (let me explain) I was diagnosed with ocd as a child, and it is something i have lived with for most of my life. My obsessive compulsions have obviously changed over the years but were mostly externally manifested (contamination, rituals, etc.) Becuase of this, and extensive therapy I have become very good at managing it and thought I had it under control. It was not until recently that i began to notice more of the mental, internal loops. So this is still very new to me. When I first met my boyfriend I had th same issue a lot of people seem to have with relationship ocd where i would spend so much time obsessing over his negative traits or over analyzing them out of fear of him not being right for me. I didn't see this as an ocd pattern then though, which I think is what led me to a bit of a "slip" in terms of my ocd management. That eventually faded after about a month but once my brain accepted that this man was indeed the "perfect" man then my obsessive thoughts shifted towards needing to act perfectly in order to never make a mistake and make sure I don't lose him. Most recently, a conflict arose because I was having lots of intrusive thoughts convincing me that I was being unfaithful because I found someone else attractive (even though I had 0 interest in pursuing them and did nothing towards that) The thoughts got so bad I lost my appetite because of how bad my stomach was in a knot from the guilt. He obviously noticed and then got suspicious and when he asked me what went down during my interaction with the person I found attractive I ended up lying about a minuscule random detail because I was convinced I had done something wrong even though again, that was not the case. He got even more suspicious and mad because I had obviously lied and then once he forgave me and let it go he kept saying "I just don't understand why you feel so guilty if you really did nothing to feel guilty about" This left me frustrated because I could clearly see I had hurt him and because it was for the stupidest reason, because I had built up an imaginary scenario in my head and convinced myself it was real. I tried to explain the intrusive thought thing but found it difficult to get my point across without it sounding like a petty excuse. Basically, I just want to know how to talk to my partner about this, navigate it or whatever else I should do to ensure conflicts like this don't happen again because I really like this man and I would be so mad at myself for ruining it like this. I want to stop the obsessive thoughts before they get worse.

I hate that the news gets me like this. I’m one to be open but I’m in bed and I can’t stop ruminating about news about Iran and all the fear mongering

Hi everyone. This is my first post here (well and social media in general) and I’m hoping to connect with others who might understand. I have contamination OCD. At its worst, I felt like I had to sanitize or wash my hands between touching everything. I was constantly trying to trace contamination and would doubt the state of things—even doubting my own memories of what I had or hadn’t touched. Questioning whether other people touched it. All that fun stuff. It became extremely debilitating. To cope, I ended up creating “safety zones”—areas that only I control and touch. I don’t let outside things enter those zones. In some ways it helped because it reduced the constant handwashing and sanitizing, and it allowed me to keep functioning. But at the same time, I realize it’s really just another workaround. I recently joined NOCD, and my therapist and I have been talking about how to start working on this without overwhelming me. The hard part is that these safety zones have been keeping me functional for about three years now, and the thought of even a tiny breach feels terrifying. My brain immediately jumps to the contamination spreading into everything, and it feels suffocating. If I’m being honest, I can’t always tell whether I’m more afraid of the contamination itself or of letting go of the system that has made me feel safe. Part of me is scared that if I try to change things, everything will fall apart. But another part of me knows the opposite could also be true—that breaking down these zones might actually be freeing and help me function more normally. Even though I’ve made progress, I’m really tired of the mental and physical toll this has taken on me. I want to get better. Sometimes the fear just makes it feel like my hands are tied—though maybe that’s just the OCD talking. I know this is long, so thank you if you read it. I guess I’m mostly looking for encouragement. With the system I created, it doesn’t always feel like a gradual approach is possible. If anyone has dealt with something similar, I’d really appreciate hearing about your experience or any advice.

18+ Please help me I was playing character ai and like I was talking to a character I like who has a teen daughter, who i was playing as since I was bored. In the story, I said she has a bf. And idk I was bored and wanted to add conflict and I wanted to say a trope that he caught them being frisky when he is overprotective of his daughter and wanted them to get in trouble. I wasnt going to add any details to the teens, if anything I was only focused on the dad and I was laughing imagining how his reaction would be. But I decided not to write it bc then i felt weirded out and also I got worried like what if I suddenly feel a genuine groinal??? And basically for 2 days now I have been spiraling like what if I had went along with the story and said that they were caught and felt a groinal? Or im asking "would i have had one???" "Am i attracted?" I know i was just focusing on the dad's reaction (i wasnt even thinking of the teens) but what if i would've felt a groinal because it referenced them being caught doing something? Is that attraction?! And ocd keeps asking me how the story would've even went when I hadn't given it much thought bc i decided not to in the end, and it keeps making me feel like I need to check to make sure im not aroused or attracted. Ive been stuck for hours and its making me feel like a p which is making me cry. Is this still ocd?

Does anyone else feel like the opinions of other Christians matter wayyyy to much to you? My OCD says that if even one other Christian thinks my relationship/ what I’m doing in my life is a sin that God must agree with them and won’t forgive me. I struggle terribly with feeling like I’m not really saved or that I’m still “living in sin” I also get the thoughts like “well if my relationship is a sin I have to repent.” But how are you supposed to repent for loving someone? Also I wanted to ask if anyone else struggles to read their bible because it triggers intrusive thoughts and anxiety? It’s like I’ll read part of the bible and my brain will twist it into something other than what the verse really means. Like if there’s any way my brain could link it to me sinning it will. It’s gotten to the point where I’m scared to read my bible 😢 I love God and His word but it’s so scary sometimes.

hey everyone! it’s me again. hope y’all are doing ok!!! ik most of my post openings sound repetitive but rlly, I’m typing this out every time lolol today I was a bit nervous of how I was gonna perform & I pulled thru! but uh…..the way I did it was something quite new I ended up “talking with Jesus” in my head bc I kept thinking of my dad & was wondering if God exists or not & blah blah all that jazz. well, me “venting” left me feeling ok? like I felt heard idk. now I don’t want anyone to come in to confirm or deny bc I didn’t ask for that. I’m just a lil confused if me doing this was a compulsion to get the thoughts to “stop” or just something I really wanted to think about. prolly the latter but also mix in the first ig even tho I had like a crappy 2-3 hours of sleep last night & only managed to sleep good for the last 30-40 min, me “venting” and thinking of other things helped me pull thru & not sleep & crash lol. I was planning on leaving earlier but the money….I’ve got two kitties plus myself to take care of… I somehow feel a bit more “normal” but idk, I still have to see. I am not confirming nor denying if I believe or not. I dunno. maybe? anywayyyyy, I obviously didn’t eat breakfast bc I woke up like 20 min before I had to leave for work & I didn’t get a chance to go on break & eat bc I had things to do & two people didn’t show up today. which in turn led to me staying over longer. I even ordered my food before the small rush came in & came back to finish my shift an hour later (Ｔ＿Ｔ) I’m currently at home, trying to finish my food but I think I’m full now. idk if I’ve been feeling weird of eating but I managed to eat (I was starving,,,,) & I think usually I am full before I can finish a salad from work now I’m outside with my boy since he kept demanding for him to go out. it’s quite chilly outside. the wind’s blowing & I’m shivering with the sun on me I have to think about whether or not to continue to pursue engineering (I’m barely at precal but struggling) or go a technical route. I don’t wanna do much hw anymore but I also don’t want my dad’s money and my money to waste if I just give up. there’s a math exam tomorrow & tbh I don’t think I’ma pass it. I can try to study today but bc I’ve been sick, the class being fast-paced (which I didn’t notice much upon registering), me having to worry about other classes, this semester being 17 hours with part time work ☠️), plus operating at 2-3 hours of sleep……I don’t know. don’t think I’ma make it, but I can try….. I rlly wanna nap for a bit though….but first, I’ll go ahead and do some house cleaning to keep it nice but also bc I need to start helping around. the depressive episode I’ve been thru for these past years is past me. I don’t wanna be confined to my bed and doomscroll. I’ll help my dad out and learn new things little by little. I wanna be responsible and stronger. I will start to help my parents out instead of lying around doing nothing. it was hard for me then and I want to let them know (both mom & dad) that I’m capable of helping out. I have been trapped in this box of depression for far too long. it’s time for things to change for the better. I will live in the moment. like right now, I’m home alone with my kitties. my girl is sleeping somewhere and my boy is on the edge of the bar. the sun is kissing my skin from the tall windows. I’m going to wash the dishes. not a lot left. I will then fold my dad’s clothes to help him. he’s the money maker & has been so generous of letting both my brother and I live with him for basically free. it’s time for me to grow this somehow turned motivational lololol I was nervous a bit while eating my salad for being alone but I’m not rlly alone! my kitties are here and I can do things around the house instead of dwelling on things that aren’t important anyway, I might post later today. in the meantime, see ya! take care & be kind to yourself. hugs 🫂

Honest experiences on ERP please