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the NOCD Community

In no way am I trying to say anyone has it easier than anyone else, becuase I know how exhausting and distressing any theme can be. But I’ve been struggling with pocd and false memory so bad the past few months and sometimes I just wish I had health ocd the worst or something because then I couldn’t be considered a monster. It couldn’t get me in trouble. I wouldn’t be an awful person or question myself then. I just feel so unworthy and ashamed so much for having these thoughts I hate it.

For me, sitting with it feels like there is a storm going on inside my body. It’s such a challenge to just sit there and continue about your day when your body feels like there is a threat and your brain feels like it’s being pierced. I wanted to share/ask because we are told to “sit with it” but never told what that actually looks like or means. At least for me anyway.

I’m new to NOCD and just wanted to share my experience to see if anyone else can relate or has any thoughts or advice. My thing is needing a system or some kind of digitally saved reference (online article/notes app) to make decisions on how to live my life and spend my time- then I get super caught up in what is the objectively “right” system to have which never really leads anywhere- over the last 6+ years I’ve probably changed this system over 100 times because at some point I realized it wasn’t “right”. At best, I stick with a system for months and be pretty free from OCD but at worst I can go months where I only experience intermittent periods of living free from OCD and spend hours and hours putting my life on hold trying to figure out what the right system is or to answer and figure out impossible answers to completely subjective things. I get a lot of regret over all the time and life I’ve wasted in this cycle, and feel kinda like everything I’ve done in previous systems was “wrong” so I try to fix that by undoing some of those actions. I think part of the root of this is wanting to control so many parts of my life and the fact that there are other parts of life I could be experiencing, ways I could be improving, and that there is so much out there that I could never ever do or experience all of it leads me to try to figure out some system that gives me a better feeling of control over this. If anyone reads all this that’s awesome- lmk if this resonates with you at all

Anybody else struggling with harm OCD?? Father here, mainly goes for my wife and son. It’s been very debilitating. Just started with nocd, anybody going through the same thing or has gotten better??

discovered mold in my a/c right before bed last night. we've had weeks straight of constant high temps and high humidity. the relative humidity in my room never really going below 60%. well, as such, mold started growing in my portable air conditioner. its probably been there for awhile and I never noticed. well, I'm absolutely freaking out. mold spores are now likely on every square inch of my room. not to mention the hassle and nastiness of having to clean the a/c itself. I was never worried about mold before but now it is a huge concern for me. where else is it that I just don't see? how will I know if its gone? what if its elsewhere in the apartment? how much of it have I ingested in all this time? it feels like theres just too much to worry about to bare. need a dehumidifier now so my a/c doesn't get moldy, which is just another reservoir and filter that needs to be cleaned or else IT will get moldy. on top of the maintenance for the a/c. on top of literally everything else. like is this really what life is? go to work so I can afford to clean the only apparatuses that keep my sleeping quarters safe? how am I supposed to conquer ocd when literally every facet of existence ties to it? I need clean water. good food. exercise. sunlight. all my vitamins and minerals. sleep well and regularly. and now i have to add on keeping an eye out for mold? on both food and just basic appliances? I'm fucking tired of it. its just one thing after another in life and I've had my fill.

Does anyone else find it hard to make eye contact with people? (it makes me feel like they can somehow see through my brain, and read my thoughts, ) that’s something I struggle with especially when I have flares ! And does anyone else feel like their OCD spikes when they’re experiencing there period ☹️☹️☹️

So I do my best to abstain from checking my heart rate but sometimes I think about it and I can feel it beating in my chest. It’s not abnormal or anything but I notice it and it’s all I can think about. It’s usually the trigger or start to my anxiety spiral. How can I mitigate that? If I’m busy doing something I don’t notice it unless the thought comes along and says “hmm ur moving very quickly I bet ur heart rate is fast” I have zero symptoms of anything wrong. It’s a mental obsession followed by an urge to check it and if I don’t I feel anxious but if I do I’m still a little anxious especially if it’s faster than I think it should be. This is some sorta trap that I can’t seem to break

signs of comphet (comphet is when lesbians who don’t know it and just follow norms and believe there straight) ive felt: “I never really felt anything when kissing boys and totally thought that was normal… I talk to men, go on dates, but I think it’s to keep my life ‘interesting’ and have something to talk about with friends.” • lack of deep, natural emotional connection • trying to replay moments where i “felt” something with my boyfriend (probably arousal or excitement from being wanted, not actual sexual/romantic attraction) to again remind myself of my “attraction” towards them• talking about my boyfriend to other people made me feel “cool”, “worthy”, “interesting” and felt like a way to prove myself • being able to clearly articulate all the reasons I liked a guy crush/my boyfriend (he’s smart, funny, kind, handsome, etc) whereas with a girl crush I can’t exactly put my finger on why I like them but I’m just naturally drawn to them • never missing my exes or feeling heartbroken about them (i would feel sad from being lonely and no longer having that daily routine of having someone to talk to, but didn’t necessarily miss that specific person) • i was always very hesitant about “becoming official” with a guy i would be seeing and would make him wait before deciding to date because i “didn’t know if i really liked him or not” (i didn’t!) only being aroused by their desire for me (this is what made me figure out I was a lesbian). • Thinking I was cooler than other girls because I didn't spend any time thinking about how cute boys were or being "boy-crazy". I was under the impression for a while that I must just be less shallow than other people because I didn't really take looks into account when I had a crush on a boy, I only factored in their personality. Turns out this is called not being attracted to men and just wanting to be their friend! XD i’m scared my experiences with men have been only comphet because they all align with this. like when i had my hocd break for two years and went back to men it aligns with comphet so now im like was me going back to men not genuine and im actually lesbian. but it’s like have i been emotionally or romantically actually attracted to a man or has it been comphet and i haven’t and i just did it because i thought i should like my sister or friends

Tw for people with pocd maybe I'm so tired of eighteen years old being consider adults or whatever i don't want to be an adult I'm fifteen I don't want to be fifteen leave me alone I want to be fourteen forever fifteen is too much I want to be fourteen I don't want to be fifteen,I never want to be an adult I want to be a child why can't I stay 13/14 forever I turned 15 19 days ago and I can't get over it leave me alone I don't want to be an adult,why do people consider 18 years olds adults when they're still in highschool and if 17 years olds are consider teens then why 18 years olds aren't when it's eightTEEN and neunTEEN,i literally saw a video of an 19 year old with an 33 year old man like it's a teen stop,and I saw a girl who's 2010 just like me say "stop treating us like kids we will be adults in 3 years" like eighteen is still so young please stop,i feel like a child,I don't feel like I will be an adult in 3 years why is 18 even consider an adult when you're still in highschool and brain develops to 25 just leave me alone please Can any adult 20+ tell me how it's like being an adult like the way you think and the way you see things? sorry for any grammar mistakes I was frustrated and English isn't mine first language

I haven’t posted here in a while but I just wanted to ask a question. While having ocd is it normal to have days when you don’t feel like talking to anyone even if you wanted to? I have felt this for a while and I can’t figure out why do I feel like that. Usually I’m a very talkative person and even when I don’t feel like talking to anyone I always talk to my boyfriend but now even talking to him feels like a burden and I just don’t understand why. This situation has also made my intrusive thoughts even worse:( Idk what to do and what to feel like, I’m feeling kind of empty and emotionless. I was diagnosed with ocd some months ago so I’m kind of new to all this stuff and that’s why I’m asking. I don’t want to ask questions in a compulsive way and I try very hard to avoid it if that makes any sense. I would be very grateful if someone could answer me:)

I feel like I've been doing good with trying to get better. Sticking to therapy as much as I can (with ups and downs). But I just feel somehow more blue than ever. Anyone else feel like that? My self talk is such a drag. Im trying to shake it.

Hi hi, my therapist recommended i look into medication options to help with my treatment. i want to try meds, but im a little weary after an evil zoloft experience,, though that could just be that zoloft is generally evil lol. what are your guy’s experiences (good or bad) w meds/what did you take? i know they aren’t a sole solution but im looking for all the help i can get. thank you!!!

My favourite animal is me when i cry because its possible to be gay and have hocd. Im so tired.i know im just 14.i know. Im simply like men.i know I shouldn’t think about this,but my ocd keep telling me that im not,because i have no experience.I don’t like or want women.i dont.i dont want it to happen.im not homophobic.i try to accept it because im afraid to not be honest with myself,but the pain is more and more. Im afraid that i wont love a man in future,and that i will love a women with no control..i hate that im just a silly teen that isnt “enough to know what i want”. I hate when people say im just young.i hate when my ocd say im just shame to be gay and im still homophobic because of my country(im a lgptq supporter and atheist for a year)i hate reading some people experience with hocd and they was really gay,i hate when my ocd tell me that when i travel to an open country to lgptq im gonne love women,i hate that it seems so true,i hate when i dont know whats ocd and whats not,but all i hope,that i heal from ocd..and still being straight..my peaceful dream..

Hey everyone, I’m reaching out because I’ve been going through one of the hardest mental spirals of my life, and I’m hoping someone can relate or shed light on what’s happening to me. About 4 months ago, I accidentally came across a trans porn scene. It didn’t do much at the time, but later it triggered this overwhelming intrusive thought: “What if I’m gay?” Since then, it’s been absolute hell. I’ve always been into women—emotionally, sexually, everything. I’ve been in a long-term relationship with a girl I love deeply. But after that moment, my brain started spiraling into nonstop analysis. I began checking how I felt around men, whether I felt attraction, whether I was in denial, whether I was lying to myself. Literally everything became a test. I got stuck in this loop: • A thought pops in → panic • Try to solve it → brief relief • Another thought → worse panic • Repeat. At times, it got so bad I couldn’t feel anything at all—toward my girlfriend, toward women, toward myself. I started doubting everything. Some days, I feel emotionally flat, like I’ve lost my personality. Other days, I wake up with a full-body jolt of “truth” like “I’m definitely gay”—only for it to fade into numbness again. I’ve also noticed that I get short bursts of peace when I stop reacting, but then the fear comes back louder, like “See? Now you’re accepting it. That means it’s true.” Therapy hasn’t helped much so far—it felt more like general counseling. They told me to sit with the thoughts, but didn’t clarify if this was OCD, identity questioning, or trauma. That just made it worse because now I’m back to thinking “What if I’m just rejecting my truth?” I’m exhausted. I’ve lost connection to everything I used to love. • I want to love my girl again the way I used to • I want to feel desire without overthinking • I want to trust myself again I’m not looking for reassurance—I just want to know if anyone else has gone through something like this, and if this sounds like HOCD or identity OCD. Thanks for reading.

I flirted back to my friends bf one time. Maybe this is a confession. The thing is I dont judge myself, but I do feel judged by them. OCD got its grips in me this week. Convinced im the worst person in the world for these crimes. Can't read any of the messages she sent me after calling so many times. He is messaging me too and I cant read it. Its been a week. I dont know what to do. She has his Instagram and phone and was calling me from his phone and his ig too. Part of me wants to block them all to stop the harassment, part of me wants to defend myself, part of me wants to tell her the truth that I dont gaf about him and he was coming onto me not the other way around. But she would never believe it anyway.

agh .. okay .. i’m so so embarrassed to post this, i’m literally crying .. but i need some help and advice. or maybe just a place to vent. i don’t know yet. so .. i was hanging out with three of my cousins today, and a few friends. one of my cousins was driving us around, and it was a pretty long drive, and we all just chatted, had fun, you know, normal teenager shit. but i couldn’t help but shift my focus onto certain things about my cousin driving — “wow, he’s going so fast, he’s so cool,” “i like the way his hands are gripping the wheel. wow his hands. hands hands hands” “his happy trail looks nice” (we went swimming) “i feel jealous of his girlfriend” and all sorts of things. i just feel. so awful. i don’t want these thoughts at all, and i feel just horrible. my ocd mixed with hypersexuality from trauma is just not helping at all, and i just want to get rid of these thoughts. i feel so disgusted with myself, and i’m scared that even though intrusive thoughts are normal, maybe mine are too far and i’m just “unfixable” or “broken.” any advice on what i could do? :( edit: i would like to add that we’re not even blood cousins, since we’re “related” through my step dad, which makes these thoughts worse and makes my head go, “oh, well, it’s okay!!” aghh. so frustrating :(

Maybe I am a horrible person. Maybe I do deserve to go to prison forever. Maybe I do deserve to not be with my mom for the rest of her life. Maybe I do deserve to be shanked to death in a prison…. Or maybe I don’t. Sitting with that uncertainty no matter how horrible, helps you to think rationally. Hope you’re all thriving today. “Maybe” has helped me through my worst theme so far. I hope it helps you too!

So basically, I’ve been with my husband six years already I’m 24 and he’s 25th. We don’t have that much money at the moment but I’m trying to work as hard as I can to save so when I become a mom I can be able to stay at home. But last week our condom broke during my ovulation period and I’m afraid I may be pregnant. My husband say that he loves me but he doesn’t want babies at this moment and he want me to drink something to take “care” of it. I don’t want to but he said we don’t have money and he’s not able to give us the life he wants for us. I’m having suicidal thoughts and my anxiety it’s just driving me crazy. I don’t know what can I do to calm down and stop thinking about it cuz it’s driving me crazy .

No need to dig into your subtype if you aren't comfortable with it! I noticed I could have a disorder when I was listening the Jurassic Park audiobook and my brain just went like "WHAT IF YOU CHEATED ON YOUR PARTNER AND YOU DIDN'T KNOW" out of the blue and I was girl wtf 😭 I tried to brush it off and ignore it but we all know that didn't work and without noticing I would still thinking on it

I saw a video of an animal that someone was cleaning or doing something to the intimate region, and I automatically sexualized it and got some strange feeling, something like groin, even the animal looked like it was enjoying itself and I just feel different and disgusting because I know it's not normal, I didn't have zoocd and it's not clear to me how that feeling precedes my thoughts...