i really don’t know what’s true anymore
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Hocd The worse I feel, they more gay I feel and vice versa and Im on the verge of accepting myself and probably eventually acting on my thoughts either willingly or losing control of myself. Me from 2 years couldnt have imagined writing some BS like this but Its happening. I feel awful though man, why did It have to happen to me.
I don’t know how much this bothers anyone else, but I can’t stand it when people use OCD as a punchline. Like “oh so you have a debilitating mental illness where you’re intrusive thoughts consume your mind 24/7 from the time you go to bed to the time you wake up? Yeah didn’t think so…. So don’t use “I’m a little OCD” in a sentence. You can’t be a little OCD, you either have OCD or you don’t. How have you responded to comments like this? From either a family member or friend?
I need school advice from fellow neurodivergent peeps
I just want to be a normal 22 year old girl who is in love with her boyfriend doesn’t question it. Be there for her siblings and her family. Have friend to go out and laugh. Worry about what I want to major in at school since I dropped. Think about the holidays like plan cute Halloween dates. Think about thanksgiving, be surrounded by all the people I love on Christmas. Go out gift shopping for gift exchange. Instead here I am questioning everything in my life and ruining everything good I ever had. I want to cry but the tears won’t come out. I hope one day I’ll be able to do things and have control of my brain and my thoughts and I get to worry about what makes sense to me. I hope I can post something positive on this app soon. Thanks to all you people who respond to my post. You are all so supportive and sweet!!
I’m so worried that this isn’t ocd this thought has been stuck in my head for like 2 months now
As a lifelong OCD haver, I find it helpful to think back on old obsessions and compulsions that don’t bother me anymore. It puts current ones into perspective a bit. So in light of that, what is the most bizarre past obsession/compulsion (so one that is currently not affecting you) that you ever had? I’ll go first. Mine’s pretty embarrassing. When I was around 21 (12 or so years ago) one time while I was taking a shower I had a super intense groin all response out of nowhere. At the time I was really struggling as it was with religious scrupulosity. So in my OCD mind, I felt that I needed to do EVERYTHING IN MY POWER to not be sexually aroused, and that now involved getting naked in order to take a shower. So for a period of around two months, showering basically meant splashing my upper body and legs with soap and water. And then instead of actually properly cleaning my genital area I would use basically a wet wipe without removing my underwear. Guys, I reeked. I was not cleaning myself properly for over 2 months. I didn’t know I had OCD at the time so it wasn’t as easy as trying some ERP. Finally I realized that this just couldn’t work, and that I was driving myself crazy. After thinking really hard about whether I should or not, I approached my dad about it, whom I trusted. And without knowing it, he basically told me to do ERP. “You need to get clean, you can’t keep doing that.” “But what if I feel something sexual.” “I really don’t care what you feel, go right now and take a proper shower.” Bless my dad for that dose of sanity when I needed it.
Anybody here ever obsess about being perceived as gay?
“I’m taking a vacation from OCD. For a few days at least…. Maybe the rest of the week.” And I’ll keep telling myself that when I start to ruminate.
I am going to university soon and I am terrified of making new female friends incase I realise I like one of them. And I feel like the fact that I’m even worried about that shows that maybe this is real. :( What if after 7 years I should just finally try to accept that it was true all along?
Hooooo boy I’m standing extremely close to a bunch of LGBTQ females and I’m having a panic attack What if I enjoy it God please help
Hocd I dont feel weak, I feel sick, physically and mentally and I think Im gay. I was even leaning towards the idea of Bisexuality last night. Why does it hurt though man? Why did I suffer with absurd amounts of anxiety nonstop for a year plus? Acting on my thoughts just feels inevitable now. I dont think Ill ever be normal again, forget having a good career, I cant even understand simple shit ughhh
My mom has always said i have a thing for feminine looking guys w/ feminine features and that’s apparently a sign of comphet & being a lesbian :( Cause i can admit i don’t like masculine guys w/ a lot of muscle, but i also don’t like super feminine boys that wear like skirts and makeup and such (not that it’s bad! Just no my preference). Kinda like neutral type boys with good personalities. And im scared that’s because im a lesbian & just refuse to accept it I also have a lot of the signs of comphet And like i have this fear / vision of myself in the future as a lesbian & looking back on this whole thing laughing & seeing how much i was in denial & being in a happy relationship with a women And that vision scares me so much and gives me so much anxiety & i’m simultaneously scared it doesn’t give me anxiety & i’m just forcing myself to feel that way Like i can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep hitting myself every time i get these thoughts. I just can’t do it anymore
i feel like i only like the idea of men :( i really want to like guys but why? is it internalised homophobia? heteronormativity? i am so scared i don't like them and it feels like i don't and like now the next step is for me to come out and start dating women and it feels like i am gay in denial
I am loosing control over everything I truly hate myself and what this disease has done to me. I used to be so loving towards my bf and cuddly and warm. Now I feel like I snap a lot and push him away and I hate myself for it. I’ve been doing a lot better, but then it all circles back to intrusive thoughts I’ve had before and I can’t say to myself “maybe yes, maybe no” My boss was telling me today that it’s obvious someone we know is gay. And that this person couldn’t accept themselves. And my thoughts were RACING. “Is that you?” “People think that of you too” Has anyone else had these thoughts? I just want to feel normal again.
I just wanted to say that I have been on lexapro for 2.5 weeks now and I don’t have any ocd anymore! The thoughts rarely come and when they do I don’t care about it? This is so strange to me, I haven’t been on this app for so long.❤️ I truly recommend trying medications for ocd (I also had severe depression and anxiety) and I feel free from HOCD now
Like I’ve always worried about my family getting hurt or something happening to them so how can I have these harm thoughts how could my mindset change so rapidly I used to be normal would never have k*ller thoughts …. I feel like I forced my ocd diagnosis on my doctor and I changed idk
ok so i was watching a tik tok of some tik tokers who got murderd and then i got sad and cried and then i watched more tik toks about them and the situation that happened and in one tik tok they showed the shooter and yeah and then seconds later I was like “wait did I think the shooter was cute?” and i got so anxious for a second and then i calmed down....I’m still calm but the thought is still lingering in the back of my head....ugh I hate this....also it’s 1:25am and im supposed to be sleeping and now i wish i went to sleep earlier so I could’ve avoided this thought and anxiety....
Is it a compulsion that you are trying to neutralise your urge to perform a ritual by reasoning with it?
I've seen people give the advice to embrace the anxiety that intrusive thoughts bring me and feel whatever comes until it goes away. I try to do that, but it sometimes feels like I'm doing a compulsion to hold the intrusive thought in my head to feel it more and like I'm actively searching for intrusive thoughts sometimes to test myself and to recover faster and not fear the intrusive thoughts anymore. I know I'm not supposed to avoid triggers or thoughts, but sometimes it feels like I can dismiss an incoming intrusive thought and be better off. Should I always try to sit with an intrusive thought even though it feels like rumination?
Is it only me or are people treating you as if you're in denial. This makes me more anxious as they say "Its completely normal to recognize and find out who you really are" even tho we are aware of our sexuality before hocd. People even say "you can say that you have hocd but it could just be denial" Im really desperate to get rid of hocd
Just booked a call with a NOCD therapist. Just wanting to know if the time it shows for the call is my local time?
I always feel ignored. I can’t tell if I’m just paranoid and overthinking or if there’s something about me that’s unpleasant to others.
I’m here to say that I could of NEVER been through what I’ve been through with this monster without Jesus. Thank you lord for being my strength when I had NONE ❤️
Does anyone have intrusive thoughts around the vaccine? Specifically religious? I’ve already had my first dose and I heard an anti vaxer say that taking the shot is against God. Like the Mark or something. I’m really struggling with this. I felt confident at first but I think it’s just my OCD getting to me. Prayers would be also greatly appreciated! My faith is everything to me in this world and I’ve been praying, but feeling not as close as I was before. I think again it’s just my OCD play with me.
Can sensory overload be related to ocd
ERP has definitely helped my ocd tremendously. But when I do an exposure I still ruminate for a little and it’s hard to accept the thought and sit with it. Does anyone have any phrases or things that say to yourself to help the instructive thought?
it feels so real and like it's a fact and there's nothing left to be done but for me to accept it. there's a lot of proof from my past and stuff that couldn't be explained by anything else than me being gay :( i feel anxious, but it's the bare minimum :(
Hello, I'm new here, I seriously can't keep going with perfectionism ocd. Everyday i start with my day 1 of recovery trying to do things to make my life better but when i reach day 2 or in rare cases i go till max day 4, i start getting thoughts and strong feelings that i didn't do day 1 "right" or didn't do a task "right" and I should start again to make it right. I can't even complete a week. What should i do now i have my university opening from this week and i don't know how will i study while battling these thoughts. How do i stop myself to starting over and over from day 1??
Something positive for us to talk about…when are you happiest?
Tw Hocd Actually think Im gay now, I have anxiety again in my chest again, its not a full blown anxiety attack but Im at work and Its making it difficult to focus or think. I just feel like crying really hard right now. But no matter how much I cry, It wont do anything would it
guys, today THE UNIVERSE was testing me. I went to the gynecologist (doctors scare me) and a woman SNEEZED in my direction!! she was without a mask and I was hit by the sneeze 🤢🤢 I tried to stay calm but almost passed out. I didn't go to the appointment, came home and took five showers. I think I'm still dirty 😖 conclusion: USE A MASK 😷
if your ocd wasn't so bad right now what would you be doing ?
My OCD got triggered so badly last night. I’m feeling exhausted. Does anyone else lose sleep frequently? I’m just tired of feeling like a “bad person” and being obsessed with being perceived and reassuring myself as “good”, especially when I don’t even believe in that philosophy. I just want to live in ignorance and care free. Then I have such supportive loved ones but I don’t even know how to accurately explain my pain.
Good day everyone. I hope we all have a better day today than we did yesterday. Let's continue to fight this demon because we deserve peace. If anyone wants to chat feel free to msg me. I don't know anyone with OCD where I live.
Does hocd make u have false attraction?
Y'all with OCD notice how something compulsionary is twisted back on you? For example, for someone with HOCD when they fear they are gay they look at an article about women in revealing clothing. They see an ad on the page for men's clothing and then the thought comes that you really wanted that over the woman. In past experiences, that's how OCD seems to flip the script on you. So best advice is to avoid compulsions. Have a good morning everyone.
i’ve never felt so alone before
I'm terrified. I prolly had good 3 days until yesterday. It is so bad today. It feels real, very real. It feels like I have already accepted that I'm gay but I'm not. I'm 15 now, before hocd i didnt even have a thought about me being gay because I was damn sure about my sexuality. Also is checking if my heartbeat is fast a compulsion. Please someone help me, I'm having a very rough day, in practically begging yall🥺
at this point in my recovery, my biggest problems are rumination and intimacy. i just constantly ruminate all day, and constantly catch myself. i avoid being intimate with my partner because i’m afraid i don’t *really* want it which means i must be in denial, which causes more anxiety than anything. anyone have any suggestions for either?
Tools to help along the way, been reading a lot of post since I’m new here, by no means have I mastered ocd I’m here to start erp and take my recovery to the next level, but I’ve had years of recovery in other areas and therapy and found lots of tools to help. ACT workbook was a huge help, therapist for sure! Self care, journaling, mindfulness, meditation, calling things what they are for example if I have an urge I say yo myself that’s an urge anyway to sum it up sometimes better to take an action towards recover than trying to find the right answer even if it’s small like lighting a nice smelling candle or calling a friend. By no means a substitute for erp just sone bonus help.
How do I understand the root of my thoughts without engaging in rumination? Anyone have advice?
Can OCD lurk in the background in pure silence? Honestly it feels like it's just sitting there, silently observing and faintly influencing how I see everything and everyone around me, like in the peripherals of my consciousness
Hi everyone. Does anyone who struggles with ROCD get really anxious when their partner is very kind/warm towards them? I’m in the midst of a breakdown because he was so sweet towards me tonight, and I got home to a very nice text from him and just lost it. He’s everything I’ve ever asked for, but my ROCD is telling me to run and be super scared of him. I also struggle with SO-OCD and feel like I’m in a spiral right now 💔
I'm repeating over and over a text cause I get a throught and so Everytime I delete it to restart what can help
I just wanted to share some positive experience with you guys😊 For me ERP has helped sosos much. I recently had more than a week without anxiety. I felt normal like I didn't have ocd anymore. Of course it came back. But not nearly as bad as it did 6 months ago. For me I really notice how not doing the excersizes consistently can make it come back more/make it worse. It's a journey. It comes with ups and downs. But it gets better, trust me. I'm not writing this to promote this platform or anything. But I personally found doing ERP with the help of my therapist really helpful. Have a great day everyone. You can do this. ❤️
Has anyone recovered/recovering from ROCD and have a successful relationship?
i just read something that's supposed to be SUPER triggering and all i felt was a light heart rate acceleration and a bit of a fast breathing rhythm, but not the full on panic with thoights flooding in. why am i not panicking over this? it IS a BIG deal??? why am i not ruminating? or having a flood of intrusive thoughts? is this not ocd?
i know this sounds awful but i want my ocd back. i want the huge panic and constant rumination back. at least back then i knew it was ocd and it wasn't me, now i don't even know anymore. now it just feels like these are my own feelings and i have 0 panic
it's like my ocd is just...gone? minimal thoughts, minimal anxiety, but i still have some feelings that bother me but i don't even try anymore to disprove them, i just ignore them. but it feels like what i went/am going through is a sexuality crisis and not ocd
Can ocd be episodic? I feel like I’ve had episodes of it throughout my life but periods where I don’t experience symptoms
Good night all....in india its 9:47pm now ....plz ignore ocd and just live your life..take care
Morning everyone. I had about 4 days of not ruminating and was doing really well for the most part. But yesterday, another thought popped up, and it was like there was this voice inside of me saying “this one is different” and “just ask for reassurance this one time and it will all go away.” Well it didn’t go away. I asked about 5 different people for reassurance and then tried to do my big compulsion which is confessing to my fiancé. Luckily, he does not allow me to confess and cut me right off. So although I am a little sad that I gave in, it was another learning experience that all my thoughts are the same, none of them are an exception, and seeking reassurance doesn’t work. I’m recommitting to recovery today and will fight whatever is thrown my way because I’m ready to take my life back or die trying.
Can OCD be triggered because of PTSD?
I miss my normal life. My mind has been so messed up. I don’t know if I’m still in love with my boyfriend my mind tells me I don’t but when I think about leaving it says I love him. I’m not sure if it’s cause my codependency issues but it sucks. The only reason I feel like I don’t love him is because he’s the reason why I started getting intrusive thoughts. And I kinda hold that against it my mom told me if I really loved him I would be able to forgive and move on but I can’t :\ than I think about all the memories we have and all the good and the bad and it hurts. I’m afraid of people asking why I left because we look so happy and it sucks. I just hate my mind every thing is falling apart. I just want to go back to loving him and having that love for him. I feel like he’s noticed I’m distant now. I feel like I’ll never be able to fall in love again or stay in love. It just sucks and because of my POCD I’m afraid of being with someone younger than me even tho I’ve only ever really liked guys older than me and who are more on the Heavier side. Sometimes as soon as I’m texting my boyfriend I say I love you and my brain says no I don’t I like kids and the crazy part is that even though I get intrusive thoughts about kids I’m not attracted to them at all but I’m sure my OCD is seeing that I’m thinking this and it will attack that too. I just wish this never happened and I just want to be in love with my boyfriend. I feel like sticking it out but I been trying and nothings changed. I feel like taking a break but I don’t want to hurt his feelings and we work at the same job so I feel like it be awkward. I just hate this so much. I just need help and want to end it all.
I miss me
I hate the sound of people eating, breathing and making weird noises really loudly. It makes me uncomfortable, makes my intrusive thoughts go crazy and gives me bad groinals...
GUYS!! I wanted to share the thought that my psychologist said today: if you have to force a friendship or a love, it's poop 💩 that was really funny at the time, i just wanted to tell someone 😊
THATS IT. OCD will NOT latch onto what is important to me. IM DONEEEE
Does getting used to the thoughts mean I’m desensitized or does it mean that I’m starting to accept it ? I keep telling myself just because it dosnt make me as uncomfortable dosnt mean I want it . But of course I doubt that too . I just want it to go away
Just did an exposure and I was nervous to do it because I had a great day and didn’t want to be ruminating before bed. I did the exposure and started off at a level 4 of stress and towards the end of the exposure I realized my stress level didn’t become worse it just stayed the same. I guess that alittle progress?
This is a message of HOPE for this experiencing ROCD. You can get through this ane I know this because I have. This year has been the hardest of my life. I started experiencing ROCD with my new partner in January and it absolutely crippled me. I could barely go to work, I was in tears almost all of the time. I wasn't sleeping, I lost about 8 kg because my appetite was so suppressed because of my anxiety and I genuinely thought that I was incapable of loving and would be alone forever. Fast forward to now and I went through three different therapists having no idea that I had ocd. I found NOCD about 3.5 months ago, started taking an SSRI and I feel like a new person. I am happy and smiling again, I feel great affection for my partner after feeling so disconnected and often repulsed by him and I am excited about a future together. Whereas before, even the thought of planning our future in any way made me feel sick with dread and anxiety. I genuinely cannot believe what a difference these past few months have made and if you are thinking about doing ERP, please talk to your doctor and do it. It has made such a difference to my life and this can be you as well. I know that when you're in the thick of it, it seems impossible that things will ever change, but they can if you're willing to do the work. You can do this ❤️❤️
what should i do to stop ocd from continuing to ruin my favorite things? am i supposed to fight the thoughts or just let it happen? should i stop doing the things i like that ocd is telling me i dont like anymore? for the past year or so i have been terrified that i dont like my favorite things anymore. the main thing is that my brain tells me i dont like my favorite band anymore, and then it transferred to saying i dont like music at all. now its to the point where im scared to like music. i dont really know what to do. i taught myself how to play guitar and piano, and i thought about asking for harmonicas for my birthday in 2 weeks but im scared. music is a big part of my life but im scared of not liking it anymore. what should i do? i am not looking for reassurance but instead i am wanting to know the proper way to deal with these thoughts instead of worrying about them for hours on end
I’m about to go to sleep, and tomorrow’s Sunday, so here’s my weekly recap- I’m on my period right now, so my OCD is bad. Really bad. I had a mild episode, reminiscing about before my intrusive thoughts began. My mom told me how much better I am now though, and I got a mug cake :) I told some friends about HOCD. Very worried because one said I give off both gay and straight vibes. Triggered me badly, and am still not over that. Considering restarting a crush on a bi guy. Dunno how I feel about that. Super super worried that thoughts of being LGBTQ+ are becoming more realistic or comfortable. I would prefer to not be lesbian/bi/pan, as I do not feel that accurately reflects who I am. I had a really fun past couple days despite my thoughts, which have been at a high lately! Tomorrow is Sunday, so I’m going to pray a lot at church and overall just relax! Goodnight everyone! Let’s make this next week AWESOME!!!