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the NOCD Community

Hi everyone, this is my first post here so sorry if the format is off. I’ve been working with my therapist for about a year and a half. I’m not clinically diagnosed, but based on everything I’ve shared, she believes I have OCD. My obsessions shift over time, and for the past six months it has focused on relationship OCD around friendships. I constantly analyze whether the people I feel close to actually feel the same way about me. If I don’t get the exact kind of reassurance I’m hoping for, I spiral. Therapy hasn’t helped this specific issue much yet, and honestly it feels like it’s getting worse. I keep convincing myself that I have no friends, that I’m a loser, and that I’m basically a social reject in my town. I’ve even gotten into this pattern where I obsessively Snapchat people every single day because I’m terrified that if I don’t, they’ll forget about me or think I don’t care. Then I end up feeling like I’ve annoyed them. And when there’s a group outing with the girls in my town and I’m not invited, I get devastated for weeks. I don’t know if that’s normal or not, but it feels like confirmation that I’m rejected and don’t belong. I talk to a lot of people on Snapchat and I have several male friends (I’m female), but my OCD tells me that male friends don’t count and that having a big female friend group is the only “normal” way to be. That thought really eats at me. I want to put myself out there, but I get too scared. I’ve tried apps like Bumble BFF but never follow through. I’ve messaged old friends to hang out, but I get anxious about going to the things they do. The strange part is that I’m not even sure what I’m looking for anymore. I just know I’ve had good and bad friendships, and I can tell there are people I’d genuinely love to be friends with and others I don’t really want in my life. I’m not sure what to do next or how to break out of this loop. Any insight or similar experiences would mean a lot.

idek if this this fully ocd related anymore, but i’m wondering if anyone could relate. i really struggle with a deep sense of shame all the time. i constantly cycle in obsession over the same past events, aspects of my identity, etc etc, that feel “wrong” or socially weird. i especially worry about other people judging me. i always gave a lot of weight to external validation, and it seems to be the main struggle here. does anyone else experience this?? it literally makes life miserable lol. and it’s constantly around the same events and topics, maybe things that have to do with trauma idk. i’m just so lost with this and i don’t think ERP is the helpful response here. can anyone give their insight? i would really appreciate it 🫶

Adults only So I watch adult content and I'm trying not to be ashamed of that. It's something I'm sure almost all of us seen and may watch. Does anyone else struggle with POCD and see content that has fictional minors and it's just disgusting? You don't search for it but it still comes up anyway? Whether it's channels that have the content that is okay but then you go on their channel and they have disgusting stuff on their channel but you hope that they are just adults? Whether it's playlists, channels, it's annoying when people upload stuff like this and it's gross. I don't ever search for stuff like this but it still comes up and I only try to watch content I'm comfortable with. I get horrible flare ups and intrusive thoughts related to POCD whenever this happens. Worse, I'll watch something with a character I think is an adult and I get really worried about their age and then I get thoughts that say "You were attracted to this minor and didn't know her age" which really hurts me mentally too Do people without OCD just not care about this stuff?? I'm sure they do but not to this extent. If they see it, do they get very disturbed for a long time? I just don't know what to do. I feel very alone in this.

I’ve been having so many sleepless nights lately. I’ve always dealt with insomnia from rumination, but now that I’ve stopped smoking weed to fall asleep, I’m realizing how much it was covering up. My brain literally will not turn off. It is not even conscious thoughts. It is like my subconscious is running in the background while my eyes are closed. It feels more like I am stuck in meditation than actually sleeping. Last night I got maybe thirty minutes of real sleep. My body is so used to this that I still get up when my alarm goes off, but I am a zombie the whole day. I tried to lay back down around 8 a.m. for just an hour, and when I opened my eyes it was 8:52. I was not actively thinking about anything. It is just this quiet mental noise that keeps my whole body restless while I am praying for REM. Melatonin does nothing for me. I tried it again and it did not change anything. I am honestly scared my system is out of sync, and part of me keeps wanting to go back to weed because at least I slept. But I am trying to stay sober and clear headed, and I also have this dental implant so I really should not be smoking anyway. Just needed to get this out. If anyone has dealt with this level of insomnia, what helped you? I am struggling.

How does one get over a breakup? I have very little experience will take any ideas

Hi all I wanted to come on here and share this story because it’s been bothering me for so long. My fiancé knows of my hyperfixations and such, for instance I love reading dark romance books and I loved reading smut books for a long time and in November of 2023, about 3 ish months before I met my fiancé I downloaded an app called Character ai. I used the app for quite a bit and then I got really attached and decided to stop using it because I would be on it foreverrr, the same would happen to me when I’d read my dark romance books, I’d get too invested and I’d forget to do things so I stopped them all together. About 3 ish months after my fiancé and I started dating he got a new job that changed his schedule, and I wouldn’t be able to see him until the weekend so I got back into the app to have some hobby while he was at work. I’d write romance/ dark romance/smut stories with many different characters or just enemies to lovers stories because I thought it was fun and I could cater it to my liking if I needed to edit anything. Again I got too invested in these stories and then I remember at one point I grew out of the app and I deleted it in November of 2024. Then one day randomly I had a thought like “Wait what if that’s cheating?” And I spiraled. I was compulsively googling and researching to figure out if it was or not and I was having bad anxiety for days. During this time period I had a really bad issue with the “M” word and explicit content, and as time went on I realized I’d do it because of anxiety or stress as a quick relief, and I’d sometimes use this app to do it as I’d read my smut stories and such. I remember one time as well I panicked because some people were like “What if it isn’t ai and it’s real people” etc etc. For months I panicked and I went to my fiancé multiple times to talk to him about it and every-time He’s reassured me that he doesn’t consider that cheating because it’s an ai chat bot. Just back then when I played this app when we first started dating we never discussed playing certain otome interactive games and such and so I just thought of it as a hobby like how I’d read my dark romance smut books. Even though it’s almost been a year and a half since I deleted the app I’m so scared and anxious because of the thoughts “What if I had cheating intentions when playing this game? What if back then I played the game for malicious intent?” Just all thoughts along the lines of this and it still worries me to this day because my biggest fear is hurting my fiancé’s feelings :( I just don’t know what to do and no matter how many times my fiancé reassures me I still always get anxious about it and I’ll cry and break down because of it.

my friend has girlfriend who met on tinder abroad and they started seeing each other as she came to our country. The issue is that she lied to my friend on being 19 the whole time she was with him, and she actually was 3 years younger than him. He didn't know that and still had s&x with her many times. During her stay in my country she was still 16 and my friend had just become like 720 a week ago, she would have become 17 a month later. My friend discovered it during her stay, and i'm afraid he kept having s&x after discovering the age gap during that time frame where on paper they would have been 4 years apart . My friend is a good guy, I do not know how to ask this without sounding weird

I had a very bad dentist experience in 2020 and have not been able to go to a dentist since. Its not a phobia, I dont think. It really feels like my OCD. I ruminate, then avoid. Something bad will happen if I go to a dentist again. Im not sure what, but of course Ive imagined every possible thing over and over and some of the scenarios are so outlandish I know its my OCD. I also stopped flossing after that and have to distract myself with something in order to be able to brush my teeth, so sometimes a few days go by before I can get myself in a frame of mind to be able to brush my teeth again. Just related subject matter sets me off: I run through what happened again and again and run through all the bad scenerios that could happen -when I brush my teeth or something related comes up,etc. Like I had to leave when a kid showed me where her tooth fell out and I realized over an hour later that Id just gone out to my car and sat in the parking lot ruminating over it all. So all that was a perfect storm for a dental emergency, which is why Im going to dentist on monday to avoid sepsis. I can't be the only one who's had a situation like this: maybe not specifically the dentist, although I feel like that might be kind of common, but something where you HAD to go somewhere to do something that youve been avoiding HARD -there is no way to continue avoiding this. But I had to take the day off from work to even get myself to a place where I could call and make an appointment. What are some things that have helped you get into the headspace to go do something like that -and to keep from freaking out while waiting? And I feel like just laying eyes on the stuff in the office is going to trigger me big time. Im worried I'll get there and won't be able to go through with the appointment and I really, really need to. I mean, I was trying not to say it because it bothers me so bad i feel like saying it might be bad for someone else with OCD reading this: but how the heck am I ever going to be able to let a stranger touch my mouth?

I just had an unexpected trigger I can’t even put into words how hard the OCD is….I wish I had someone here with me right now that has the exact same cross contamination OCD as me…so that person could tell me step by step what they would do …I can no longer function without OCD. It’s so hard for me to explain. The sad part is …the last couple days I was hopefully …trying to do ERP one tiny step at a time. And then this trigger happened tonight. How am I supposed to get better when there are constant triggers ??? It’s like trying to swim and giant waves keep pushing you back so you can’t swim past the waves that keep rolling in!!! I can’t find a therapist thats takes insurance. I feel so alone in this battle and I have to be my own therapist. It is going to take hours to decontaminate from this trigger. And I’m exhausted. The only thing left to say is Jesus please help me. If anyone has cross contamination that interferes with daily functioning, do you have any advice…I don’t know anyone that has this type of OCD. I really could use some words of wisdom and encouragement from anyone who understands cross contamination OCD.

last post got flagged lol not even sure what i did wrong but now i feel worse. not doing too good at the moment but i have finals to finish so i’ll just power through it🙃

I'm 20, but I feel so behind my peers. My mental health has caused many roadblocks, and sometimes, I'm afraid of never getting to a point where I actually feel content with where I am. For the past couple of years, life has been stagnant. I don't have a job (due to high anxiety and possibly procrastination), I haven't pursued higher education, even though I do want to, and I don't have a single friend I'm in active communication with. My best friend and I grew apart in high school (I switched to online), and although we keep in touch, we're not as close as we once were. She's across the country in another state attending college, so I only see her in-person once in a blue moon when she returns during breaks. Besides that, we respond to each other's stories, send happy birthdays and such, etc... Realistically, I know I haven't "failed" in life. I try to remind myself that there isn't just one path in life to take and that things are going to be okay, but... I don't think I fully believe it. I want to, but I often feel hopeless. OCD is one of the worst things that has ever happened to me. I'm constantly stuck in the past while trying to live in the present. I feel like I'll never be able to TRULY move on from anything. It will always find some way to reel me back into obsessing. I miss the peace and quiet when my brain wasn't constantly harassing me with horrible intrusive thoughts. I miss it so much. There's so much I want to do in life, but I feel like I'm nerfed or something lmao 💔 I genuinely experience a lot of embarrassment due to everything I talked about above... Any advice or just support would be very much appreciated. I'm just having a rough day.

i am just so frustrated. i keep doing research on the difference between pocd and an actual P, and it just seems the exact same. and everyone keeps telling me “no there’s actually a big difference” but in research there’s literally not. i’ve tried so hard to find more but the only difference i can find is the actual attraction part, but when u dont know what real attraction is because you generally have no experience in it and have natural low attraction it’s like how can you even figure it out for yourself and see if you’re attracted or not??? im just so stuck. its making me angry because i want to figure it out so badly but i just can’t because all the research to me just seems like “yeah real P’s can actually experience and feel the exact same as someone with pocd” and the only difference seems to be real attraction, but when POCD makes you believe you are attracted and have thoughts that people who are attracted can also experience, and even with pocd you feel all negative emotions about the thoughts that also real P’s can feel its like OH MY GOSH HOW DO I FIGURE THIS OUT!!!!!!!! then people are like “if you were a real P you would just know” BUT WHAT IF I DONT???? its possible for a real P to be confused and not really know for sure so like!!?!?!?. i just wish i had a machine where you could type in a question about yourself and it would give you a real definite answer cause then i would know the real cause to all these things im going through.

I had a thought while at work abt my brother and I got really strong groinal respones and I kept replaying it until it stopped. It felt like real arousal. I feel like idk how to fantasize anymore or what the difference is between fantasies and intrusive thoughts. Everyone says intrusive thoughts are thoughts u dont agree with and I feel like ive lost touch and dont even know whats me anymore. Which is disgusting

This is my first ever post on here, because honestly my anxiety over my health has gotten really bad. Ive had really irregular bowl movements as of thanksgiving and that’s about it no pain , no weight loss, no change in appetite, no blood , etc. My Brain is still trying to convince me that I have some horrible disease that’s going to kill me. I have an appointment with my doctor today at 9 but I’m do scared and anxious. I can’t fall asleep because I’m actually stressing out and my brain is telling me if I fall asleep I won’t wake back up. Honestly I’m struggling really bad and if anyone relates I’d love to hear how you calm yourself down or what makes you feel a little bit better because I haven’t been able to leave my house or panic attack free in about 4 days. Anything helps 💕

Has anyone developed SOOCD before before getting into their first relationship? If so how did you handle that? I’m scared I’m never going to be able to have one without intrusive thoughts getting in the way (if I even have OCD, lol)

First of all I apologize for my grammar english isnt my first language Im 19 and I am from germany, ive been suffering with severe ROCD since ive been 14 :(.. I have a big fear of cheating on my boyfriend thats why I keep analysing ALL my intrusive thoughts and actions ive done, for example if another guy from my class texts me and asks me for homework I keep thinking: Oh this is cheating.. or I asks myself: have I ever done this? Example: I handshake a guy from class my false memory ocd tells me: oh but youve also kissed or hugged him, you just dont remember Then i am not sure anymore if thats false memory ocd or reality I must admit my boyfriend has been toxic for a long time and it started at a young age, he often thought I was cheating or didnt believe me when we were around 14/15, I was very insecure and full of axinety at that age thats why I can tell myself this was strongly traumatic for me. it gets worse, I once convinced myself im cheating on him because im lesbian or p... (POCD) and also sexual orientation ocd. I keep asking others: Have I done something wrong? Do you remember when you were there when I was doing ... did something bad happen? Did I cheat? What If I cant remember or what if thats considered cheating? I once deleted my textmessages from my male classmates because I had a fear my boyfriend would think: why is she so nice to them or why is she laughing that much? I also chat with chatgpt all day to make sure none of my actions are cheating or none of my thoughts. I always get triggered when people talk about relationship rules because I compare myself with it, for example a girl tells me its considered chating if her boyfriend talks to his girl classmates. I tell myself: oh I have done that too I am a terrible person, girlfriend, daughter etc.. If he treats me good, it gets worse because I feel like I dont deserve it. Sometimes I wish I was single and alone so I wouldnt have ROCD but id probaly have other forms of ocd. Im tired from this, I cant focus on school because of these thoughts, I skipped so many days because it became worse, currently Im in 12th grade and its my last school year so the most important one. Im trying to fight myself against this but I cant, there were also times where I didnt have ROCD 24/7 and if I remember these times I feel like ive lost control over these times.. I analyse every joke ive made, every step, every thought, every breath, every intention, every conversation, everything. Im tired. :/ I go to sleep with ocd and wake up with it continiuing. My class friends dont understand me, "You wont pass this year" or "Just dont think about it" they dont understand how it feels thinking about this sh.. everyday all the time Im just tired of everything. Im dizzy and tired all the time, Im zoning out in classes and always talking to my amazing parents who are helping me 24/7. Theyve always been perfect, helpful and kind and Ive made a huge mistake not telling them earlier, Ive been suffering alone with these thoughts. I love my parents I just hope somebody can relate to all of this, I feel like Im alone deeply I know that I love my boyfriend more than anything but I cant handle it anymore Im tired.

I don’t know when or how I developed OCD but I remember it coming out of nowhere. I think I was 14 years old and I kept obsessing over silly things. I would do things because I thought that if I didn’t do those things, then bad things would happen. for example, if I was making something in my microwave and I didn’t stop it once second exactly my family was going to die that sounds very silly and I know probably some of you relate to this I’m sorry if you do, I noticed other things like I have to count something couple times or make sure that the oven turned off even though I didn’t use it but somehow maybe there’s a chance that I did and if I didn’t turn off then I would probably die. I would constantly constantly wash my hands and if I had a cut I had to wash it and keep an eye, even though if it was a very, very small cut, I would think I would eventually get an infection and die!! Sometimes if I don’t have things in a right way, I feel like unsettled and there’s like this weird bad feeling and if I don’t fix that thing, then I just feel uneasy until I fix it. I’ve gotten better with my OCD but they are definitely sometimes I struggle more. Recently I have been having lots of health OCD or whatever you call it thinking I’m going to get sick, I feel like I feel like this every single time there’s an important event coming up. This Friday is my birthday and I’m terrified of getting sick and ruining plans so I’ve been very cautious about getting sick washing my hands constantly, taking all the precautions etc. I think I just have this feeling that like if I have an important event coming up then I will get sick and then it will just ruin the plans I have because it has happened to me. I know that there’s an OCD where you have intrusive thoughts or compulsive thoughts and it is where you have weird thoughts that make you think something I really don’t want to say it out loud I’m using text speech, but I’ve had that too. For example, this is a less serious one, but when I was dating someone I had to thought that I would accidentally cheat on them, even though I would never do that and that’s not possible because I control my actions I’m not gonna cheat on someone. It was so weird. i’m in a new relationship that’s healthier. I’ve never had that thought so I’m glad I got over that. OCD is just so… I’m trying to think of the right word. It’s so restricting I feel like I can’t live a normal life like everyone else. I think I’m weird for the thought to have for the compulsion or whatever, my brain is different from normal person. I think the worst part about OCD is when you’re trying to explain it to “normal “person. I’m explaining these feelings and thoughts and they’re like what the heck I’m like yeah lol that’s so weird who would even say that, I think the worst flair up of my OCD was when I had fiberglass in my bed and the fiberglass was getting everywhere. I had to clean my whole room put a thing on my bed to stop it from spreading more fiberglass. In my head, I thought every single thing in my room was contaminated and I wanted to throw everything away but I couldn’t. Do not have money to go buy a whole new wardrobe or new bed or new shoes was probably the worst ever experience I’ve ever had. To this day I still feel uncomfortable in my room. Sometimes I feel like all my clothes still have fiberglass on them and I’m cautious, I feel like I won’t feel normal in my room until I move out and get a different room but I wont for a long time. It’s something I’ve accepted. I guess I just want to share my experience with OCD. If anybody has experienced these let me know show your story I know this is a lot to read, but I’m using text to speech ha ha thank you for reading if you came this far, take care.

Hello, i don't even know if this is ocd related but i feel like i need help either way Me and my boyfriend have been together for three years now and i love him so much like i truly believe i want to be with him the rest of my life, the only thing is he doesn't have a job, not that he doesn't want to, he's an artist and yeah its a really hard area to get into, but i really believe in him and his talent, and he even applies for like regular jobs at stores and restaurants but it just hasn't happened yet, and it's something that really frustrates me A while back i was crying really hard on the phone about it because i felt like he wasn't making as much of an effort as he could to get a job and to create content on his own to get his art out there, and he recognized it and apologized and has gotten a lot of work done actually Getting to me being mean to him, he has an opportunity with someone in the industry, like to pitch his idea, and like 4 days before they were supposed to meet my boyfriend tells me he still needed to get things ready And i flipped, like i started saying all the same things, that he isnt taking it seriously and i spoke in a way that i am not proud of After he explained better to me i understood that he obviously already had like everything done and planned, he just needed to like fix the storyboard or something, and honestly, even if he had procrastinated, it was not okay for me to speak the way that i did, and i fear its something i do a lot, i get angry and lash out and say mean things/am rude and im really scared its going to drive him away eventually, how do i work on myself? Does anyone have any tips?

Ever since 2 days ago I have been so anxious thinking that I’m losing feelings for my boyfriend, I know it can’t be true cause I still feel attracted to him, but it’s just the little things like for example, whenever I say “I love you” it feels like I can’t feel any emotions, or when I look at pictures of him, it feels like I don’t have any emotions, like before we hung out 2 days ago, I would just admire and think about how handsome he looks in the photos and now I just feel nothing, but sometimes I’ll feel emotions. Idk. My mind is so confusing. And it’s been putting so much anxiety on me cause like he is the most sweetest, most caring man I’ve ever been with. I can’t let him go. Can anyone give advice on how I can get rid of this feeling?

I don't want to talk about what feels like nearly a novels worth of needless mess,severely unhealthy behaviours,lack of respect of boundaries and guilttripping over not making yourseld available 24/7 as the vent friend or ounching bag but how does anyone cope with not ruminating so heavily on what ifs and waiting for a big catastrophic moment to happen after trying to distance/being in a fallout with a messy online friend group,its also been leaking into other things like worrying I've hurt people despite being calm and polite through it. It's been making me feel so anxious and down,this isn't the first I've dealt with toxic individuals and drain alot of myself for their happiness and trigger a bunch of stuff. Its now making me worry over what ifs about a friend who knows these people and while doesn't support their actions,who has been distancing to an extent and been stressed and unhappy with the stuff too they've done too?Any advice would help,this has been making the last few months difficult.