Has anyone taken 25mg Zoloft and noticed a big change in their OCD symptoms?
If you are in crisis, please use these emergency resources to find immediate help.
Anyone else feel like at a deeper level, the core of all their obsessions and compulsions, is just the inability to trust yourself. I feel disconnected from myself.
Like right now, I know I want nothing more than for a guy to look at me the way I’ve always imagined, but recently my brain can’t see it happening. It’s like I’ve stressed myself out so much that my brain is exhausted thinking about it. I can’t even imagine guys anymore. I’ve just had so many bad experiences it’s like nah give up and just live your life alone. I don’t want fhat, I know what I want! But I feel completely dead inside when it comes to the thoughts I used to love
I wanna be a little kid again before this all started
I can’t keep pretending to be okay when I’m not. IM NOT OKAY NOTHInG IS OKAY
I’ve noticed I definitely use this app for reassurance which has become a problem. It terrifies me to think I have been turned on by same sex videos/experiences But I need to accept it. It doesn’t mean I need to leave my boyfriend. I don’t want to be with women. I need to accept that and not put so much meaning on arousal. It’s incredibly hard when the world puts so much pressure on.
Last night I compulsively sent a really long text to my friend. She didn’t respond, which makes sense because (a) I had told her she didn’t have to and (b) it was long and rambly and OCD-like. I really want to undo it, but obviously I can’t and know I need to accept it. BUT do you have any advice on how to move forward? I think apologizing just makes things worse and fuels the OCD cycle? Should I follow up with another text or just let it be? If I text her, what should I say? She knows I have OCD but really doesn’t understand what OCD is so I don’t feel like it’s easy to explain.
OCD has been a massive part of my entire life and only recently did I know what it was, then I was able to with some difficulty, really accept it as an illness and is part of who I am it’s part of what make me who I am and is not to be despised or loathed even tho it can cause severe distress. As soon as I hate it and myself then I am not accepting who I am, OCD does not make me a bad person it makes me a sick person with a mental illness that is 100% recoverable but not curable - I have been doing therapy for 14 weeks and it has literally changed my life. Yes there are down days but it does not cripple me the way it did and acceptance is a huge part of that. ERP helps me to identify, sit with and stay free from judgement of myself whenever intrusive thoughts or urges come, they do not define me as a person. My name is Lee I have OCD and I love who I am.
Question when i look at people like my teacher Where should i look , at their mouth,ears,eyes or body ? I’m really worried that I’m looking in an inappropriate way, I mean i have sexual intrusive thoughts about almost every person i see or talk to, so you know intrusive sexual images lead me to look in inappropriate way So..can anyone help?
it's so illogical how my brain comes to conclusions on my intrusive thoughts. yesterday i was being productive and actually doing my homework and i was proud of myself. it's something i normally struggle with because my intrusive thoughts lower my motivatio. so now i think just because i'm being more productive means my intrusive thoughts are true and no longer bother me. anyways just something i realized and wanted to share.
I have days where I find it hard to fight my ocd, because of my past it takes it as proof that i am my fears.. I even did things I regret this year..last year I did things I really regret and through the years from ages 9-19...I feel I'm a messed up human being, like no matter how I fight these thoughts there "real" the urges are "real" but I don't want them to be real, I don't want to be my passed..I want to forget and be happy.
Have you guys tried the 15 minute call? I am new here so I'm really stressed about actually trying it, because I do often doubt the fact that the stuff I experience might not even be OCD and that I'll waste the therapist's time...
Does anyone struggle with picking at the skin or the scalp? I unconsciously do it when stressed and it has gotten worse where my scalp bleeds and am not sure if it is associated with OCD.
I recovered from severe POCD that heavily impacted my daily life through NOCD therapy. I have been practicing ERP independently after my horrific battle with POCD. I always had OCD but never knew it until it took form in this theme. I changed my life since last March and I’m so grateful for NOCD. I dont come to this app much anymore but for those of you going through your journey, I know the pain. OCD is horrible. But this theme? It’s different. I promise it gets better when you do the work. Peace and blessings to you all.
Does anyone’s OCD center around the theme of having other mental illnesses? I saw a video where someone has tics/Tourette’s alongside with OCD and ever since I saw that I’ve been having intrusive images of me with tics/Tourette’s and they feel so real like I can feel the tension in my neck and am more hyper aware of my movements. For instance when my neck twitches I automatically believe that I have it. Also the idea of other mental illness. I have mental images of me being mentally crazed and like always they feel very real and I hate it.
Has anyone tried CBD or medical marijuana (legally of course lol) and has it helped? How does it compare to an SSRI like Zoloft or Lexapro? One of my friends has anxiety and he said it helped him, of course OCD is a bit different so idk...
Why does rocd feel so real like today I was chilling with my bf and all of a sudden the thought of “your not gonna be with your bf next year” or “you don’t love him anymore break up with him” came into my head and it actually felt like I didn’t love him all of a sudden which scared me and gave me the urge to break up with him which makes me feel like shit and guilty because five minutes before these thoughts came in I was saying how much I love him…this really sucks and it feels So real.
Religious themed friends: in using ERP, how do you mentally develop exposures for the thought: God has rejected you and you are going to hell?
I have become hopeless there’s no saving to this and no end This girl pictures i found hot and i was like I wouldn’t mind doing something with her and it didn’t feel like an intrusive thought what if its isn’t or is it my hocd making me think that i would like or want this but what if its real but why would i think like this now if someone says sit with the uncertainty and i do and its like okay so you did like then that means you were in denial and this is what it was and you were just living a lie what is this this is never ending how do I help myself why did the thoughts feel so real as if i wanted them when i know I don’t but do i and am j writing this cause i want to run away but i know that i want?!?
does anyone else have an intense fear of jinxing yourself?? for example if someone asks how my day is going i don’t want to say it’s going good because what if something terrible happens after i say that? anyone else?
How much does nocd therapist treatment cost? I live in Sweden.
Has anyone dealt with a major loss before? Or trauma related to death? I'm a senior in college and I just lost my Grandma a few months ago. It was the first loss I've ever experienced and it came so suddenly. I wasn't able to say goodbye to her either. 2 days after her death I had to go back to school and I just wasn't ready, I was very close with her. Thankfully my friends and teachers are being patient. I was starting to feel better emotionally when this past sunday I watched a freshman die. I was cashier at the school's cafeteria when he fell right outside the window. He was groggy, hardly awake, and could barely move. A police officer came to help and called 911. An ambulance came and checked his pulse and immediately took him inside the ambulance. A few moments later a firetruck came and brought out a Lucas (automatic CPR machine). I didn't know what it was at the time and thought the kid was still alive. Eventually they all left for the hospital. I kept telling students that I'm sure he was okay, and tried to calm down a bunch of people. I had to work after seeing all that. The next day in class my friend got an email that a student died and I knew it was him. I started bawling and left to call my Mom. She talked me through everything and calmed me down. Now I keep thinking about that kid thinking about when he died and if he was still alive when the ambulance got there. Then I see his probably lifeless body being dragged onto the gurnee. This kid who was maybe 17-18 in an unfamiliar place with his family 1,000 miles away. I just hate thinking about it but my OCD is hyper fixated on it. I'm stressed out from school and can't process all of the loss I've experienced. I can't afford therapy right now and am on a waitlist for a free, volunteer based therapy group. Has anyone been through something similar or has any advice??
My room is so bad at the moment. I have no motivation to clean it or do anything about it but it’s disgusting. I’ve got rubbish and plates everywhere and I know that when I clean it it will be so much better and will make me feel better I just can’t do it. I also know that when I do clean it my ocd is going to make me freak out. Someone please give me some advice :) x
your head ever get to you so bad you start feeling like you could care less about things that really mattered to you
So I was sitting with someone I know and on TV someone was talking about being bi and how it works in a relationship with a straight person, and I was doing fine. And then the person I know says "how can you be attracted to both men and women? It's a bit weird." Because I can understand it and have a more open mind, and they don't, I felt a lack of validation with my open mind and sort of went to panic thinking me understanding meant I was more likely to be bi (when I don't identify that way). I caught the panic and acknowledge it as ocd before it started. But it's hard to not ruminate cos there's a lack of validation (and logically I know I don't need the validation but it's hard).
I’d be nice if nocd took my insurance but I couldn’t wait any longer so I’m glad I’m receiving therapy here anyway
How to manage intense early morning or mid-morning anxiety where your heart starts racing as soon as you wake up along with chest tightness? This usually happens to me when I am aware that I have to do an exposure on that day or in coming few days.
Anyone read Reid Wilson’s Stopping the Noise in your Head? Highly recommend
Ok so I really need help I’m freaking out So I’ve heard a friend of mine say “that kid is hot” or something like that. She even said that Chucky the doll was hot but I don’t know if chucky is a kid or not but anyways I’ve heard my other friend say someone was cute and they looked like a minor. I saw a picture of a girl that passed from the Travis Scott concert that was 16 and before I knew her age because she didn’t look younger at all I had an intrusive thought that she was “hot” but was like no she’s just really pretty and now I’m freaking out because what if I’m a monster now? I don’t want anything to do with a minor ever! I don’t understand. Because people say things like my friend said and it doesn’t bother them but when my mind says things it freaks me the heck out. Is it normal to think or say those things? I’m lost. I think it’s wrong and I feel real icky and horrible about it.
Hi all, I'm new here and I guess self diagnosed or unsure of if I have HOCD. So I'd just like to get my story out there and just see if it's relatable at all or if I'm just denying my feelings, if anyone can respond..(sorry for a long one) It's been causing me a lot of stress lately and it can't shake the constant loop of thoughts like "Am I a lesbian", "you're not boy crazy so you must not be attracted to men", " you fit these stereotypes so that must mean you are". It all started when I was young like 13/14 when I had watched lesbian porn online accidentally at first and then I had watched a few more because it was the first time I had watched porn at all, let alone same sex porn. So I guess I was curious at the time and like you read "sexual things can cause a sexual response". So I was fine with what I watched but then like a few years later it was like, you watched that video and had a sexual response that must mean you liked it and want to be in that type of relationship. And that really stuck in my head. I began thinking about how I've never had a boyfriend and never felt like my friends when they would be drooling over boys, but I just assumed that having a boyfriends was something I'd get when I was older and like ready. Like I did have crushes, but also had low self esteem and just assumed that no guy would ever like me. Additionally I don't think I've ever looked at another girl and felt attracted to them or the need to be with them. But then reading things online caused me to doubt that. Anyways the thoughts come and go and sometimes I'm able to tune them out for months or years, but recently I have been really stressed about them. I currently have a boyfriend and I enjoy spending time and being with him. But these thoughts have been causing a lot of anxiety with respect to my relationship because then I think am I just dating him to his my feelings,I'm just stringing him along and using him. But I know that I don't want to break up. I find that I am searching stuff online a lot to try and find an answer, and then reading all those things makes me compare myself. Like the stereotypes and things I put to myself like oh I like playing sports that's a masculine thing, and how I dress and I don't find myself pretty or dainty so that must mean I'm not girly. It's a thought overload and making me so anxious because I feel like I don't know myself anymore and that I fear I've been lying to everyone if I figure out that I'm not straight. and like even if I thought I was bisexual that would be okay because that doesn't completely eliminate dating men, and I could still only date men. But being completely on the other end of the spectrum would feel like I'd have to completely shift my thoughts to fit and make these looped thoughts go away. I guess all I want to know is if this is normal or if it's ocd at all, am I just lying to myself or trying to hide my true self because I'm afraid of the consequence?? And I know that reassurance seeking which I shouldn't do hahah but this is my first time seeking ocd help and I may not get a therapist soon because of where I live.
I've been using this app to ask questions about OCD. Is it a reassurance-seeking compulsion? Should I stop?
Hello, I am undiagnosed but I had relationships doubts rly badly the last week...I had thoughts like 'do I love him?'.' I'm scared hes gonna leave me.', do we fit together?'.... U know it... I talked about them with my boyfriend and he was so supportive and said that those doubts aren't true... All I could do is ask for reassurance and cry for 4 days straight.. I found out about rocd and I think it fits my symptoms. It felt as if the reassurance didn't work.. now 2 days later I feel so much stress, anxiety and sadness still... I am so scared to lose my boyfriend.. do u guys have tips on how to fight my emotions and thoughts? They r killing me rn... And can anyone else relate to these things? (Also sorry for bad English)
i’ve found that learning more about OCD is dreadful. like, the more things i realize about myself and my brain, the more i notice the little things OCD makes me do. now anytime i do anything, i find myself wondering if it was a weird compulsion or intrusive thought. anyone have anything to combat this?
He asked me out on a date over the weekend but I have a phobia where I get worried that I'll vomit. Or I'm worried something bad will happen. I really want to go but I'm just so nervous. Does anyone have any tips?
I remember telling my (past) therapist that I was scared of randomly forgetting how to walk, forgetting how to breathe, and even fear of stopping my heart if I thought too deeply about it. She didn’t understand these feelings I was having, and even stated that they were a bit ‘unusual’. Even I didn’t understand them, until I’ve recently realized that fear of loss of control is a component to OCD. It’s such a relief knowing why I have these anxieties, now.
Oh hey, OCD warrior here, just wanted to let everyone know it DOES get better. I haven't posted or even looked on NOCD for over 2 years now (until now lol) because I don't need it anymore. For such a long time I was at a place with my OCD where I didn't think I would ever get out of the hole my OCD had dug me into. I was hopeless, I really thought I would never get better, but with therapy and medication, I DID! No matter how much you feel or believe that you're stuck like this forever if you do the work I promise you will be ok. My HOCD and other OCD topics barely bother me ever anymore, even though that seemed impossible for a while. Please keep going, you deserve to live a good life.
I feel like one of the hardest parts of dealing with sexually themed is OCD is the confusion around feelings. Physiologically, there aren’t a lot of differences between arousal and anxiety. It’s basically impossible to tell the difference between fear and desire when you have OCD, which sucks. It’s a vicious cycle, and the only way out is to try and disengage, acknowledging physical feelings and sensations and continuing on with life. Doesn’t make it any easier.
I’m so worried about offending people or hurting their feelings somehow. I feel the constant need to apologize to people for the smallest things, and if I feel like I did something rude I’ll think about it for a long time. I’ve been told I’m a people pleaser, and I really feel like it stems from this strong fear I have of bothering people, it’s really on my mind every day.
I did had such disgusting habits in the past and did disgusting things...I have a problem and I still when said problem happens don't know how to handle it well so I always feel I'm being super gross still to this day...but I'm the past I was way worse ...
I’m so confused. People talk about if your thoughts bring you peace then they must be true. But as I’ve has HOCD so long they cause me less anxiety. The only time I feel slightly more at ease is when I can tell myself they aren’t true. But that’s so tiring these days. Last night for example I just felt like I had completely given up fighting, I felt so depressed that the thoughts could be true but I couldn’t be bothered to reason with them. Does that mean they are true? Sorry for this messy message I’m just very confused.
Does anyone with TOCD has like „two personalities“ inside of themselves. Like I have my „old selve“ were i liked to dress girly and be a lady and so on, which now often feels fake and like i am in denial. And then I have the „Trans“ side that feels really scary like i am a man inside. I do try to supress the side that tells me „I am a man“. I don‘t know which „person“ is the true one inside of me :( Maybe someone can help?
Wrote an email to this therapist that I may see soon? Idk for sure, but I asked him to guide me on what I should do. Frankly speaking I dont have any hope, I think I already know whats going to happen and what my future looks like. I just feel sad that my fears are true now and perhaps Im only sad bc Im not accepting and embracing it properly and once I do those Ill even be okay with it. I can even envision these things like wtf man. I feel like I unlearned everything about myself and now im starting from beginning. I feel very disheartened.
she says she's done nothing but get worse since she started erp, and that she feels like I'm forcing her to do it. I'm trying to encourage her and stay neutral, but it really does seem like she's getting worse. I don't know what to do, and I hope I'm doing the right thing.
spent some time on here reading about SOOCD, since that seems to be the theme my OCD is putting me through right now… i read a lot of moving posts and learned how to sit with whatever anxiety i have about being gay, (even on 100mg of Zoloft) and i was okay for a bit.. but my past and analysis of my childhood really makes me think i am not heterosexual.
Me: about to do an exposure in my bedroom 5 minutes later: in the hallway making tea Still 5 minutes later: wait why am i randomly walking into the other room across the house Me: oh right, self, you’re avoiding OCD: hiiiiiiii I’m here 👋🏻 Me: back in my bedroom but now on this app 20 minutes later: …TBD but I will report back! Goodbye avoidance, exposure here we come!!
Hey all, Just been through an OCD flare up that lasted about 2-3 weeks plus I haven't been well with a cold and then a reaction to my Covid vaccine. So overall, my body has been through quite a lot. Anyway, I feel like I'm coming out of the OCD Flare up and associated bout of depression it brings. Thing is, I feeling anxious at the thought of enjoying life and being happy. It's like a sense of 'don't get too comfortable because there is impending doom'. Anyone else get this? I have no idea where to start with ERP/ACT/CBT....
After that one instrusive thought I’ve never been the same …
I was having a pretty good day, until I saw the police at my neighbors’ house. Now my OCD is trying to convince me they’re looking for me, trying to make up memories of things I haven’t done, but I can feel the doubt coming. I’m so anxious right now, I keep expecting them to come to my house and taking me, and another part of me is thinking of confessing this memories I’m making up already. Any tips?
Idk, this is very strange to me but ever since I recovered from a really bad relapse in my OCD, my anxiety has gotten better but the contents and frequency of the thoughts have gotten worse. This then, of course, gives me a second kind of anxiety about that meaning I must actually like my thoughts. Maybe it’s because I’ve gone back to school and so my brain is distracted by the social anxiety and work stress. Has anyone else gone through this?
I’m extremely worried about being “exposed”. (Even tho I haven’t done anything wrong). But I told my best friend most of what I have been struggling with - POCD. And I don’t know why I keep doing it because every time I say something about it I instantly regret it. She understands it and doesn’t judge me or anything because she KNOWS me but in my head I’m incredibly scared like basically fearing that she will say something to someone or accidentally let it slip and then my whole life will be ruined as people would make assumptions due to the taboo nature of my ocd. I’m so worried that if this got out that I would just have to kill myself because I couldn’t live with the thought of people thinking I’m a monster. I know it’s just ocd but so many people see the p word or anything taboo and jump to the worst. I don’t want this to get out and obviously she knows not to say anything and I do believe she won’t but like, what if she does and then that’s it for me. Has anyone ever felt like this?
I think I just have to accept and grieve the loss of my old self and move on. She's dead now. She's been replaced with this new me who hates femininity and the word woman so much I can't identify as female anymore. I love her and miss her. But she is no longer me. She loved being a woman, and I no longer can handle it.
i truly have no idea how i feel anymore, i feel numb
Can your ocd make you feel like you “desire” to do that bad thing I know I don’t want to stab anyone, but I can’t help but it feel that I have a “desire” to or that I’m “curious” about what it would be like to do it. Sometimes I’m anxious about this but other times I’m not ? Is this normal with ocd ? Usually when I’m near a knife I get intrusive thoughts, images and urges to stab the ones I love, and it’s frustrating because I know I don’t want to, but the ocd always makes it seem like I want to… if that makes any sense I’m trying to not be anxious and alarmed about this stuff bc it won’t help me ocd and anxiety at all, but I can’t help wondering about this stuff. It’s like ocd tries to make it seem like I want to stab someone, but I’m so anxious about it. There’s been times where it felt like I wanted to or had a desire to. Wtf is going on ?? This doesn’t seem normal But then I try to talk about it and my ocd says “you’re just manipulating them to make it seem like you’re a good person” “You’re a murderer in denial”
I went out last night and today I started getting such bad false memory images of me cheating. I don’t remember doing it and have all my other memories hit it’s scaring me right now what do I do
please help I can’t stop analyzing every word I hear and trying to understand it even though it’s often banal. I am especially triggered by idioms. I keep repeating in my head the words I hear from people and I try to understand them in detail. I'm actually scared of words and that's why I just sleep all day. And that’s why I think I’ve become very stupid. I can't handle this. Does anyone have a similar experience?
I feel I dont have OCD. I have thoughts at times but I can typically just roll my eyes about it. These thoughts are based around OCD though such as what if its this OCD, feelings of being scared and worried. Scared and worried about having a mental disorder. I do have daily / all day headaches and mood swings and waves of fear, depersonalization or dissociation. I question having manic episodes. I feel like is just a different disorder. Im so lost and over it all.
Life is too short for regrets. Don’t look back on the bad experiences just to feel like you need to fix them. Look for the positive aspects of the past and just reminisce on the good old times.
Hi Everyone, I have this obsession over a girl, This obsession started around 5-6 years back, I realised I have very strong feelings for her, and when I went up to her to talk and she didn't reciprocate what I was feeling, I felt unwanted. I couldn't believe what I had just faced, not capable of handling rejection, I started obsessing over her and in my mind, I always thought she liked me, which is the reason why maybe I started having feelings for her. So after 4 years of avoiding everything, I finally told her everything, and to my dismay, she told me that she didn't know me, How do you move on from this OCD/heartbreak? Sometimes I feel there is nothing more to life than her, Thanks a lot!
I hate when I’m almost asleep and then my mind throws an intrusive thought or memory my way and then I’m filled with guilt and anxiety and I really just need to go to sleep
My sister had a conversation with me about r*pe crime and I had this uncomfortable feeling (the groinal) again and it’s been so long since I had that feeling but i was very confused and unsettled
I did it again guys, I committed self-mutilation. I feel disappointed in myself, I feel shame and fear. I'm so scared of myself when I'm in a anxiety attack, so why do i get hurt? i want to stop
Last night around 3:30 I had to call for an ambulance because my friend texted me that she had taken pills to kill herself. I was high out of my mind and didn't really know what to do. I am scared that all of the distress that comes from EMTs knocking at your door at 4am and waking your whole family because of a suicide attempt will outweigh any help she gets after. She didn't want me to get her help, she didn't want to cause a scene and I feel awful for forcing her to endure that. Her mom texted to thank me this morning so I do feel better. I still worry it won't be better.
I am a 19 year old female struggling with ocd about porn. I actively saw porn from when I was 15-18 but one day it hit me-"what if it is not consensual" and I am just so much scared. The sites I used to watch are still there but for some there are many with same name and different extension so I don't know what to do. I would never want to see something non-consensual and I am very much scared about this. What if the site got banned because it had some abusive stuff on it,what if I didn't see any problem with it-all of this is making me scared of myself. I am not a person who'll watch something which was illegal. I have stopped watching porn because of this but what to do with my past. I just don't know. I thought till now they were safe sites because they were the only ones available in my country but now I am in doubt.
I saw people on Reddit who were stating that HOCD and SO-OCD does not exist and people who were experiencing those symptoms were just people that take their denial to the next level. ( OF COURSE, I WAS TERRIBLY TRIGGERED BY IT) What are your thoughts on the topic?
My ROCD has caused me to cut several friends off lately, especially if I had any sort of romantic possibility with them. I can reason in my head why one of them in particular would have been incompatible with me and my life goals (his military lifestyle, which is great if that’s what you want but I know it would be hard for me, and some of his narcissistic tendencies and trust issues from the past), but I am still consumed with rumination over my decision. I keep telling myself that you can love somebody but not be IN love with them, and that sometimes not everything needs to be pursued. It isn’t fair to force myself to figure it all out immediately. And yet I am filled with constant worry and destructive thought patterns. It’s tiring. I’m tired.
Hello everyone. I would like to ask something that is not very much connected to OCD. I am a little bit confused about something. As far as i am concerned mindfulness is about not judging our thoughts but only recognise them and letting them go. On the other hand, CBT in my eyes is the exact opposite, where someone must judge his or her thoughts in order to change the distorted thinking. Is it only me that I find mindfulness and CBT to be the exact opposite? Can someone explain to me because i am confused. I am not talking about ocd because I know that erp os the best approach and I have started mine, but i would like someone to enlighten me about cbt and mindfulness.
Soocd and/or trans ocd folks, leave words of hope below. I'll start first, You've been here before and survived it, you will this time too. You know those good days are indicative of you, not the bad ones, hold onto the good ones. They are still real <3
So I had a major breakthrough last night. I don't work weekends, so I usually stay up a little later than when I have to work. Last night, I made grilled cheese in a pan for supper. I went to bed about 11:15 pm. About 12:30 last night, I thought I smelled something weird. I then had this thought "What if your apartment is on fire?" Even though I already knew I had turned the burner off, I felt compelled to double check. When I got back to bed, I experienced a perfect storm of what ifs. I always get what ifs in a string about 10 at a time. But never like I had last night. They were coming fast and furious. It was hard to deal with. I was only partially awake, so I don't even remember what they were. But they were random and many different themes.. But I decided that I was not going to do anything. I just said NO. I acknowledged they were there but didn't respond to them in any way. I didn't argue with them and I didn't ruminate. I just laid in bed and waited.. They continued to swirl for a few more minutes, but then they just stopped. I was blown away and realized I had just experienced a major victory against my OCD. It also made me realize just how far I have come. Just a few short weeks ago, this never would have been possible. So if you are feeling discouraged and like you aren't making progress or like you will never be able to beat OCD, remember this story. OCD is tough, but WE are stronger. We CAN beat it.
I can’t get over the guilt of knowingly having hurt someone 3 times. At first my intention was to make her feel included or help her but something took over in the middle of it. I want to know what is wrong with me since two days ago. I want to know if I am worthy of living after this. 1. I knew she had her first day of class and she told me she has an adjustment disorder but I still asked her if she had homework. I probably knew it could make her wanna die if I reminded her of hw. 2. She was saying something to my mom in the car ride home and my mind said she will be hurt if I put my shoulder on my seat hard because it will make her feel like I hate her or something. She was sitting in the back seat and I was sitting in the front seat. But yet i put my shoulder down on my seat back pretty hard. My mind associated it with her being offended and it adding up and making her want to die. But I still did it. 3. Today she seemed more talkative and lively than yesterday and I was trying to help at first when I started saying “maybe you are starting to adjust” but in the middle of it my brain said its gonna offend her bc I am bringing up her adjustment disorder in the car infront of my parents and son, yet I still finished the sentence. And it would be ok if it were once but I’m afraid that all these together will add up and make her want to die. If not now, then later. Then I started to think well there are bullies who bully someone everyday. But then my brain is saying that bullying someone around the same time everyday at school is different from the times that I unintentionally bullied her. Well it was unintentional at first half of it and then when i decided to ignore my brain that told me it will hurt her and i still did those.. I feel so guilty and i never did this until yesterday. I dont know whats going on with me. Why am i being this way all of a sudden? The guilt is eating me i dont even wanna talk to anyone incase i hurt/slowly kill them bc of something i said or action i did. But i feel suicidal now bc of the guilt.
How do I deal with guilt?.. (Not ocd related but I do have intrusive thoughts about things i did in the past)
Cancel culture is making OCD worse. It’s becoming evident to me that the world in which I’m living in is contributing to my fear, anxiety, and depression. I can’t escape constant judgment and ridicule from things I do. Also social media advertising “perfection/perfectionism” in just about everything and everyone is also damaging. I’m sold a lie every day while being told I’m a degenerate for whatever interests and hobbies I like by random faceless people on the internet. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety for a VERY long time. Since childhood. I can tell you I’ve never felt this suicidal in my entire life as I do in this moment. I can see why so many take their lives at 27 because the thought of it has been crossing my mind more and more frequently. (I’m still trying to fight it though. I haven’t completely given up yet) but I can’t shake this feeling of loathing and undeserving of happiness. I can’t forgive myself. I can’t move on past the pain in my life. And seeing everyone’s thoughts and opinions 24/7 online isn’t helping either…idk I just needed to rant. I needed to get this out I’m so tired and broken. I’m starting to think I’ll never be ok again.
you know what's just a good feeling? stressing out and then realizing you're stressing out about NORMAL THINGS. things NORMAL PEOPLE would be stressed out about. that the sum of your emotional distress has nothing to do with your OCD, and that you've done multiple things today that would have 100% triggered your OCD for days/weeks/months/years if you hadn't gone through ERP. it's mindblowing. you're just sitting there and all of a sudden- holy crap, I'm NORMAL. I'm doing NORMAL BRAIN SHIT. I'm fine. Like, what???
Any shared concerns, advice, or kindness is much appreciated. Ocd has gone after everyone that I rely on for support (my family and pets). As I thought this a new fear was unlocked… my therapist is the only one left I can rely on. What if ocd goes after this last source of support? Right on cue I read about someone having an intrusive thought about being attracted to their therapist. I was worried that the seed had been planted but I tried to move on from the idea. I just finished watching a tv show and (of course) one of the main characters sleeps with his therapist. I have been trying to use may/may not statements, mindfulness, and I finished watching the episode even though I didn’t want to so I am not using avoidance as a compulsion. Unfortunately, this concern is really engrained and I am so afraid ocd is successfully destroying my last source for support. I hate this and I hate ocd.
I need help My rocd is out of control I’ve lost all emotions I want to feel again
I had a huge fight with my husband over my Rocd thoughts and accusations and i don't believe we can go back to what we were. Even if he tries to understand and help in the end he gets extremely furious about my behaviour and i believe it has made him not really enjoying my presence. He must feel more pushed and horrible with my Rocd and i feel like this is the end of our healthy relationship. Now it just looks cloudy and miserable. I feel so lost and alone with my Rocd...
I’m so scared my OCD is going to last forever. Am I going to feel this way? Are my thoughts going to be like this forever?