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The only thing that makes me feel like I somewhat know myself is the fact that when I wasn’t having a flare up (no anxiety, rare compulsions, barely any thoughts, rare grounds response, RARE false attraction, just numbness and 0 libido/attraction) is that I didn’t fall for a woman or have any desire to be with one (funny bc as I type this my brain is already questioning). Even when I was doing good/happier and feeling actually pretty good, even with no libido and barely any attraction (still am dealing with this/kinda worse bc of the flare up) I still fell for my boyfriend. I just replay that moment where i felt calm, excited, and just so happy to be around him. I can’t even describe how good it felt 😭. I was shocked, giddy, happy, SWOONING even (ik corny but i can’t find the right word) and it felt RIGHT 😭 it felt right when i was realizing how attractive he is (always have thought he was cute (esp when he let his hair grow MY GOD that was a moment) but i’ve been dealing w OCD for a while so i always ignored it/been numb), how i just wanted to play with his hair, how i wanted him to kiss me when we were listening to music, how his smile is so attractive, how beautiful his eyes are, how i love the fact that he knows me and has seen me at my worst and STILL likes me 😭. IT FELT RIGHT AND NORMAL. I was having so many wins But bc of my numbness my brain IMMEDIATELY started to check, question, analyze, review memories, bring up the proof that im not 100% straight. Yesterday i tried so hard to enjoy the moment with him but my compulsions feel so automatic. I had my small wins where i was just being present but the intrusive thoughts were still in the back of my head and i can’t feel all there yk? Before my flare up i felt OCD slowly letting go of me, I truly thought my life was going to be back in my hands. TMI!!!!!! But i was even starting to get the libido back and i was feeling real attracted to him at times when i wasn’t automatically checking. Why does OCD have to ruin my life like this. Even when i was doing better (again rmbr no attraction or libido), I remember i would just sit and literally mourn the fact that i’ll never be able to marry or share my life with someone bc i truly cannot see myself with a woman. My brain is holding onto the proof (i made a couple posts ab this) and questioning everything about me and everything if done or felt. At this point Idc if i turned out to be bisexual, if anything ID BE GLAD bc it means I’ll have a chance to be with a man/my man. Even when i did/felt the proof i still had no desire to be with a woman and never had a crush on one 😭. BUT WHY DOES MY BRAIN CONTINUE TO QUESTION EVERYTHING I FEEL, THINK, DO, OR HAVE DONE. LEAVE ME ALONE BITCH 😭 IT WONT EVEN LET ME FEEL ANYTHING MY DEFAULT EMOTION IS NUMBNESS. I was triggered by a post of two lesbians who got married. One of them was masc and I immediately got triggered and had false attraction or whatever it is. They weren’t ugly and looked masculine but I hate this because prior to SOOCD if i thought a masc lesbian was a man and found out they weren’t i’d be like “oh ok….nvm.” and move on 😭. If i saw one in person I wouldn’t care 😭 The only time i “freaked out” prior to ocd was when i was younger, i looked at my older teammate who i literally couldn’t gaf ab (who was a super masculine lesbian) and thought “why does she look like a boy?” and for some reason that gave me a huge wave of anxiety. I can’t remember this correctly bc i used to obsess over this and analyze it when this theme first started but all ik is i i just looked at her again and was like “well whatever” and that was it. I went the rest of my life not attracted to or even caring about masc lesbians. l even remember my friends, who are straight, share their reassuring experiences (i’m not going to say them here for obv reasons) when seeing a super masc lesbian or a stud in person or online and how it literally didn’t affect them at all or send them into a spiral. I literally went on a reassurance search prior to writing this n it just made everything worse because i saw a post about someone talking ab how my biggest soocd fear happened to someone (won’t say it here but im p sure anyone who reads this and has soocd would have that fear). IM SICK OF THIS. I was doing so good a month ago but now im back to being almost completely numb 😭 yes i have tiny wins here and there but I WANT TO BE DONE WITH THIS. I can’t even enjoy looking at my man anymore 😭(even tho i would check and analyze my emotions i had moments where i was definitely feeling attracted). I really thought this relationship was the beginning of a new chapter for me 😭 i should’ve known. I want erp to work so bad but im so scared of it at the same time. I’m scared it wont work and I’ll be stuck living like this, i’ll have to break up w my boyfriend, i’ll remain numb for the rest of my life, i’ll be triggered all my life, i’ll question everything all my life, i’ll never get married, i’ll have to live my life alone, i’ll just continue floating through life. Im grateful I’m handling this better than when i was younger bc i simply refuse to feel that level of depression again. I feel like my body is blocking certain emotions that maybe that’s why i can’t feel other emotions/attraction or get aroused 😭 this is so exhausting. This is so long but i needed to get this out. If u read this hi and thank you I hope everything gets better for you soon.

I feel like I’ve been obsessing a lot more since I started reading everyone’s posts. On one hand I really do care about people and I’m grateful that we can support each other. If I’ve ever replied to your post, it’s because I care about you and what you have to say. On the other hand, what I read makes me dwell on my own past and current experiences. I’ve found that I spend more time than I want reading posts. Has anyone had this experience? How has this app been helpful, and when do you decide to take a break?

I’m totally in love with my partner and he gives me all the love and support and I would never want anyone else but him. But I often find myself really wanting to be seen as attractive and desirable by other people and want them to have crushes on me even tho I don’t want relationships with them. I have this pattern of wanting to be wanted even tho I don’t have a crush on anyone other than my partner who i am marrying. Like I’ll make sure I look good and attractive to make sure other guys find me good looking and desirable. I hate this pattern that I have and I would never ever try to have an affair cuz I 100% don’t want that. But it feels like a huge betrayal to my partner

so i’m not officially diagnosed with OCD but tomorrow i have my first appointment with a therapist to hopefully get tested. im not too sure what to expect. does anyone have advice? i’m really scared if they say i dont have OCD, bc ive been set for about 3 years confident that i do. i never self diagnose though. if they say i dont have OCD i think it would set me back immensely. i’m not too sure how quick the process is either. please lmk any advice because im quite nervous. i’ve never seen a therapist in my life other than my school counselor.

I spiraled about something a few days ago and since then I feel like I'm in a completely different mood. I used to be very happy about who I was but right now I feel like the complete opposite. I feel embarrased about everythingggg I do. And then Instarted obsessing over certainty and now I feel like I can't be certain about anything. I feel like I lost my whole personality is gone and my OCD is off the charts. BUT surprisingly I feel much less anxious than before. I don't know what to do. I'm starting to consider taking medication. I'm scared.

I am hoping for some guidance on how to move forward. For some time now I think I suppressed doubts and negative feelings towards my relationship and always found a way to be “excited” and plan for the future. A couple months after my engagement on a trip to Hawaii I spent a week very irritable and distant with my fiancée and it resulted in a fight that was very triggering to me (feeling pressure or trapped). I wonder if this is bringing up trauma of being around some nasty divorces as a kid. I then spent the next week spiraling emotionally like I never have before researching “gut feelings” “why am I irritable or not connected” and comparing and searching for answers on the internet and with people in my life until I stumbled across ROCD, read a book and found some level of relief because it felt like what was happening in my head. It’s been over a month now and my new obsession is do I really have ROCD or am I just in denial. It’s exhausting. I’ve had ocd tendencies in the past, such as health ocd that led me to tests and obsessive over sleep and the ruminating has significantly hurt my life. But I feel as though my rumination always comes from a real issue and my brain distorts the significance or the severity of it. It’s so hard because we do have some incompatibles (I am high energy and she is so chill, I’m more extroverted she’s more introverted) but I used to see our differences as complimentary and now they are scary and extreme. I also get so much anxiety when I notice things I don’t like or perceive as an incompatibility and it makes it hard for me to be around her. We are in a long distance relationship right now but see each other each weekend. I’m at the point where I’m ruminating a little less but underneath is a depression and apathy and when I stop worrying I start to get scared because I’m not obsessing but I’m still not feeling hopeful. How can I move forward? Obviously searching for excitement and stimulation isn’t the answer. How can I distinguish real relationship issues from my obsessive mind? I’m pretty lost and would love some guidance from anyone going through something similar. Thanks for making it this far and reading my post.

I was going so well with my ocd, so so so well hardly any compultions. However today I told my therapist about something that happened recently, which was this situation….. I was whiping something off my boyfriends cheek and got the erge to press on harder to hurt him and in the moment it felt wanted and I felt stressed with my ocd and him kinda but idk… it’s scaring me so pressed on a little harder on his cheek and felt horrible after. However I told my therapist this and they said “I’m not sure that’s ocd so keep an eye out on it, because ocd thoughts are usually unwanted but you said it felt wanted. I’m now so scared thus situation wasn’t ocd and I’m now spiralling

I have lots of intrusive thoughts about “what if I did something wrong” or “what if I hurt someone without realizing it” in the past and have an overwhelming urge to reach out to everyone I’ve dated and ask if they are okay with me (even though doing so would be super weird and random to them probably). Is this a common experience? My thoughts feel so convincing that it has progressed from a much more mild state to full out believing what my thoughts say about me although no one has ever said anything bad about me (to my knowledge) and I’ve always been a loving and respectful partner. Three of my past girlfriends have told me that I was the best to them and they are forever grateful for the time they spent with me yet I still have thoughts about them and others! Any guidance is appreciated, I feel as if I’m alone with these worries! I need help to stop seeking reassurance.

hi, i live somewhere in the US where the current political administration has a lot of focus on. i also attend a PWI that is excellent for their law school - this is to understand the context of my guilt! i do not align with the politics of the area i live in, or the institution i attend as a student and am employed for. i’m in a masters program for a health disparity public health field… which doesn’t align with the views of the institution i go to. i feel struck with so much guilt and feel a cinder block of anxiety on my chest because of how powerless i feel in my academic “society”. some of my most politically “likeminded” peers ended up shaming me for my ocd too, so overall, i feel this imposter syndrome of just not belonging here at all. (i move in a year but, i need to work on this feeling because “running away” won’t solve it) this powerless feeling extends to more guilt because i am in a place of such privilege that i need to use my power. then i am left frozen/paralyzed in stress and anxiety bc the battle of personal life stressors, the weight of the world on fire, and my social circle crashing are all adding to the pile. TIA for understanding the mental health aspect of this and not talking about personal politics.

My previous post continued.. I’m starting to wonder if maybe I’m a bad person and I feel like I’m experiencing some false memory with my overthinking, that my mind is telling me I was the problem. I did something. That I’m a bad person, I never meant to hurt the guy at all and even though I said I didn’t like him back and acknowledged I felt merely as emotional connection after he left my place Monday. I apologize for my terrible behavior which was unhealed from stuff in the recent breakup I was in, though it wasn’t an excuse I warned him that sometimes I say stuff that is rude with out knowing and that I have trouble understanding social cues. Literally all I wanted to do was give him a chance. Give myself a chance. Just said why not. I’ve never had anyone choose me. And I felt like I was in a good place to at least TALK with someone, get to know them, test the waters before a whole relationship and taking stuff further and he was okay with that. I noticed alot of stuff too, he’d say he wanted me in his life and talked about the future and stuff when he first confessed to me and it was like the 2 day. Monday before he started acting like this he told me everything was okay and told me he loved me. It’s like he changed completely and I understood from hurting but just started acting rude, distant, cold. He never once said “Hey listen I’m really hurting right now and it isn’t your fault with the choice you made not liking me, I might be distant and a bit off if we talk”. Just full blown ghosted me. No communication. I never expected us to be friends immediately afterwards. The only thing he said when I messaged him Monday was he needed time to think, I understand and assumed space but all I wanted was to talk. And I would’ve left him alone if he just would’ve communicated to me more. He’d been so sweet and kind and nice and understanding the past 3 weeks and when he left he just became distant and told me he needed time to think when I mentioned we should slow things down, I asked if I did anything wrong and tried communicating. I have such a terrible habit of persistently trying to get an answer to things, from others or myself, and I feel shitty for texting him alot on his phone a few times cause I was overthinking, just because I wanted to talk for 5 mins about if I did something wrong or what not. He finally responded and said he’d been busy all week and he has a busy life and he’s a busy person. I even asked if he even knew how it affected me when he ignored my asks to talk and my apologies. even though I’d seen him online so many times and he’d leave me on read, I knew it was annoying and vowed to stop on wensday night (that’s when he replied). I just wanted communication. I was overthinking and I feel like I’m a bad person now. I was aware of what I did and told myself I would work on it too with alot of things. I just feel so fucking guilty for saying repeatedly he wasn’t my type and when I talked about my ex boyfriend cause I was still hurt by him. I apologized but I feel guilty.

Have you other Christian’s delta major shift spiritually. I don’t know what’s to come but I feel heavy in my spirit and I’m kind of scared. That I’m uncertain and everyone’s emotions are very high right now.

Hi guys, I'm currently dealing with another setback that started about a week ago. I was doing pretty well for the past month and a half, and was so happy that I was able to stay more present in my life. I had another setback in July but came back stronger than before, and I know I can do that again this time but it feels SO hard. My OCD is latching to my fear of other mental illnesses ("going crazy, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder), but also has hit me where it really hurts and is now targeting the love I have for my dog. Has anyone had a setback that added a new theme? I'm having intrusive thoughts AND images now, and I have a lot of DP/DR. I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of a panic attack, and the only reason why I'm not having one is because I know how to let them pass (thanks for the DARE method). I know that my OCD is based on my fear of not being able to live my life (even though I know people with the conditions I mentioned are able to live fulfilling lives), and I'm trying to treat this like all of my other OCD themes/fears. My therapist said to do exposures based on what's really bothering me, but it feels chaotic since multiple things are bothering me (fear of "going crazy", fear of hurting myself or someone I love, what if I don't love my dog anymore?). Any advice helps! I really am appreciative of this community. 💛

Is it normal to not feel like you have much to talk about on the phone with your partner?

I question my intentions and doubt myself and my actions when I catch myself making an observation or doing a double take on someone out in public or online. I get really triggered because I feel I’m disrespecting my girlfriend. Example: I caught myself doing a double take looking at a picture of someone online while trying to find someone’s email for work stuff. I continue to question my initial “thought”. Was it “oh that persons attractive” or “that person looks familiar”. I felt like my attention was taken away from my girlfriend. Obviously my brain wants it to be the most “negative” thought so I have the compulsion to confess to my girlfriend just an observation that was made. Can anyone relate to this and maybe some strategies that have worked for them or if I’m genuinely just being wrong in doing a double take?🤷🏼‍♂️ it’s getting to the point where I can’t even watch TV or have social media because I’m “looking elsewhere”

I worry about my salvation like every second of the day I don’t know how to have a normal relationship with the one true God

started ERP this week and it hasn’t been easy. i think i’ve also started obsessing about trying to “practice my skills” correctly and burning myself out. not to mention, because i’ve been trying not to give into compulsions, my anxiety has just been at a constant for the last few days and i just need some relief. i just don’t know how to handle it

I’ve felt more alone than ever lately dealing with this. I tried a little to talk to my boyfriend about it but it’s so hard to explain it to someone who doesn’t have it. And whe at the same time my brain is trying to convince me I don’t really have it and I’m lying to myself and I don’t really need help. Like I genuinely don’t know how to look him in the eyes and say I can’t stop thinking that he’s not over his ex or he wants and other girl and my brain pulls things out of thin air to back me up he doesn’t get that it feels so real for me and when I tried to talk about really extra over thinking and like I said making stuff up he was like “well I think it’s just a girl thing” and that hurt cause I like i just don’t know how to express how I’m feeling in a way that makes people understand and it hurts that I can’t do that and it also doesn’t help that I did try therapy and she completely made me feel crazy I feel like within the first 10 minutes she made up her mind - that it’s mostly anxiety she picked one thing I said and that was the only thing that sounded like it to her a pattern thing I just feel like she wasn’t listening to me about my thoughts and I told her I started realizing around 2020 and she brought up Covid I said I wasn’t scared and I genuinely Meant that I was really only scared for my grandma and my mom since it affected older people I was never scared of it like that and she only looked at physical stuff I feel like I told her I have to count them I pass a biker and look and keep making sure and she was like you just want to be safe and then she went on to tell me that “not everything I do is abnormal other people just don’t do it” that really hurt and now I feel so self conscious talking about it because I feel insane I know what I’m going through but everyone either doesn’t get it or thinks they do too much and that’s just as worse. People think ocd is just being organized and we all know it’s not. I’m not mad at him for not understanding I don’t want him to get it in the way that I do no one should have to deal with this but I want him to know enough. we “broke up” a few times just couldn’t get it right now we both agree we weren’t ready and it wasn’t in Gods plan yet and things are genuinely different I see it it’s crazy but my mind still try’s to tell me I’m not good enough for God for him to give me a relationship yet I just don’t know how to sit there and tell him my mind keeps replaying the past over and over again and convincing me I need to leave so he’ll come back “my way” or how I think we should’ve happened which I know is me trying to play God it just feels too good to be real some people spend a lifetime searching for love and I don’t understand why I get it now we’re still teenagers and then I think like maybe I get it now cause I won’t be around for long or he won’t and I just sit there and scare myself and I don’t know how to explain that to him and honestly I don’t even know how I want him to react I just want to feel seen whatever that means. I have this other friend I talk to about it she used to have really bad anxiety she started taking medicine for it and she thinks she understands ocd cause her mom has it but it’s not as bad or the same kinds as me and she try’s to help I know she does but at the end of the day it’s really just her telling me my thoughts are crazy which I understand that I know they are and her telling me I’m not gonna enjoy life or my relationship if I keep thinking like this and yes obviously but I physically can’t it’s not a switch I can just turn off I try so hard to ignore it but I can’t it’s just gotten so bad recently and I don’t feel like I deserve my bf right now cause of it especially if I can’t open up about it or find a way to make him understand what I’m going through and I just feel crazy and alone and if you read all of this thank you so much I really do appreciate it.

Hey everyone! Not trying to seek reassurance, but more so would just love to know if others can relate so I feel less alone. I am engaged and planning my wedding for next summer, which has been very exciting and fun, EXCEPT that I sometimes get triggered by seeing TikToks or hearing people say that wedding planning should be like 100% equally shared between partners. I would say I am handling a bit more of the planning, mostly because I am the one who wanted the wedding more (as opposed to like a courthouse wedding) and will have many more guests, and my fiance is also just very easygoing and doesn’t have a ton of strong opinions about wedding stuff. But I’ve been hearing people say things like “planning your wedding together foreshadows how your marriage will be” and it’s causing me to overanalyze things, like how much we’re each contributing and whether it’s “enough” or whether it bodes well for our marriage. Even though we have a very healthy relationship and I’m super excited to marry him, and I really do consider us partners in every way. I just hate the black and white idea that everything should always be exactly 50/50 because my OCD brain latches onto that and starts looking for ways that we are “doomed.” Anyone out there experiencing something similar?

18+ No minors please I feel like a p because I have this checking habit to see if my brother is not doing anything inappropriate to me or on my bed and yesterday I checked and I saw he had no blanket and was laying down on his back and it felt like I would go and do something to him or like I was thinking it and I didn’t feel anything I’m so confused there are times where I feel disgusted

i have a crush like really crushing over him and suddenly i went and see another guy's profile on dating app and i feel like cheating??? i know its weird but its my mind telling me?