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the NOCD Community

how has ocd affected your self esteem? i personally feel like once i got ocd i died. like i dont do anything anymore but isolate myself. not talk to anyone and cry alone with the only thing in my mind being the thought of how disgusting i am and how ill never recover and that its basically all over for me.

I don't think any of us truly realize how insanely easy it is to get over our condition. The answer has literally been right under our noses the entire time. Do nothing. Don't negotiate with these senseless fucking fears. Don't try to reason with them by any means. Give into a compulsion for clarity if absolutely dire but don't make this a habit. Think back at how many times this bully has made you repeat the same patterns over and over your whole life. Put an end to it. Breathe.

My grandmother just patted me on the head, which I realize is a sign of affection, but I HATE when people touch my head. I feel like I will gain all the “bad” from them and that my head will lose intelligence. Now I can’t stop compulsing.

is it normal to feel somewhat disconnected from your partner when you’re away from them and you’re having ROCD thoughts?

OCD is making me feel very depressed. I’m on the highest dose of fluoxetine. I was “okay” a week ago but now I just feel hopeless and irritated by everything. Can anyone share tips which make could make me feel better even just for a little while?? Thank you

I was thinking back today to see how long I've actually exhibited symptoms of OCD and I have found that it goes all the way back to childhood. One example is that I was VERY imaginative, but to a fault. When my parents told me that there wasnt actually a Santa claus I lost my shit, I mean sobbed, and tried to find every reason I could find to make him be real. Another example would be that I took the whole stepping on sidewalk cracks too seriously.. I really believed that if I stepped on the cracks my family would die... it only pisses me off that my parents were much too self involved to realize that there was something wrong with me.

This could trigger some so read at own risk. Does anyone else worry that people will think you're a pedo? Obviously pedos disgust me but I'm constantly worried that people will think I act strangly around children cause I get worried when I'm around them that I'll look weird. It upsets me so much, I even worry that the children will think I don't act normal. I had to take my niece to the toilet and I looked away which she thought was odd. I feel like I look scary or something. And I struggle when parents talk about their children because I over think that they'll think I'm a pedo when certain things are mentioned like potty training or something. Words are triggering and make me really worried that I'll look weird when they're mentioned. I have so many children in my family it upsets me so much. Does anyone else have this life ruining ocd?

I’ve known I’ve had anxiety for years but until a week ago I’d never even considered that I might have OCD because sadly like most people I fell for the stereotype that it meant you had to lock the door 10 times or wash your hands repeatedly or the world would end. For most of my life I’ve had arguments in my own head for hours on end which now seem to me to be obsessive thoughts and my rational mind trying to argue with them. This can be simple thoughts or things like a friend or colleague potentially hating me. These often lead to severe and crippling anxiety and depression that can leave me unable to move or do the simplest tasks. I’ve been in a relationship for a little over a year and for the first 6 months or so I was having a good patch mentally and I was able to let myself enjoy it. I’m 27 but this is actually my first relationship because I’ve suffered from such low self esteem in the past that I never had the confidence to approach a girl or imagine I had anything to offer anyone. When things started to get more serious and we were talking about meeting her parents and even thinking about moving in together I began to get anxiety. I was constantly obsessing in my head “am I attracted to her?” “Do I love her?” “Why does thinking about another girl excite me so much more than her?” This got worse and worse and I had a huge breakdown and had to be signed off work for a few weeks. Having previously been very reliable and in charge of a team it really may have permanently tainted my standing at work and affected my future as I feel they can no longer trust me. My biggest problem has been that my girlfriend is my best friend and biggest source of support when I’m having a rough time, so when thoughts about the relationship are causing the ‘rough time’ it makes me feel conflicted and unbelievably guilty. One minute I’ll think about leaving her because the thought of other girls is exciting and less ‘serious’ and stressful and then I get severe panic and anxiety because I think about losing someone so important to me and having no support anymore. When I’m having a good day and I’m in the moment I feel attracted to her and happy. However even seeing an attractive girl or thinking about someone I’ve been attracted to in the past is enough to make my mind spiral out of control to the point where I feel almost no attraction to my girlfriend. I am constantly arguing with myself between “you don’t love her enough and should leave her but the fear of being alone and losing your support is making you anxious” and “you do love her but your anxiety and OCD are stopping you from being in the moment and enjoying it”. How could I ever know which is ‘true’? Sorry for such a long post but I really had to get this out to people who may understand.

Do I have pure ocd or am i in denial. I have been getting intrusive thoughts, nightmares, severe loss in appetite, extreme anxiety, near non-existent libido, sex repulsion, identity crash where i literally dont know if im gay or trans anymore, very high suicidal ideation, I have been homebound for possibly more than a year, i cant look in the mirror without thinking how disgusting i am, and it literally feels like my life did a full 180 out of NOWHERE.

Here's the medications I've been on over the course of the last 12 years, and what they were like (as much as I can remember). I dont know if anyone cares, but I'm isolating, so this is exposure. Effexor -- my first med. I dont even think this is typical? Anyway, useless. Zoloft -- one of the better ones. It made me soooo tired though, alllll the time. It lowered my general state of anxiety enough to do ERP effectively for a while. Prozac -- tried it because I was tired of being tired. I noticed a sharp increase in anxiety on this. 3 months later I went back on zoloft. Lexapro -- again, I was tired of being tired, so I tried this. Was less effective than zoloft, but more effective than prozac. Luvox -- this is what I take now. I have MUCH more energy, I dont pull my hair out any more (trichotilomania), and my general level of anxiety has never been better. Been on it 3 years? I think? Others: Xanax -- HORRIBLE. Withdrawal left me in deep depression. Not worth it. I took it twice ever. Ativan -- helped me get over my very frequent panic attacks, but I became addicted and had to go through withdrawal. DO NOT GET ADDICTED TO BENZOS Clonopin -- no Adderall -- I took this while I took zoloft to counter the extreme tiredness. It started to do less good, and leave me in bad depressive episodes. Risperidone -- took it with zoloft because I just couldn't begin to tackle my magical thinking. It just made me even more tired, like that was possible. Abilify -- took this after I had to stop taking ativan. I think it helped, because I havent had regular panic attacks since I took it, but I had to stop because I had the common side effect of restless muscles all the time, which is SO unpleasant.

Hi all. This is my first time posting on this, and I’m a little concerned about it, but recently my OCD has reached some new levels that are getting pretty overwhelming. It would mean a whole lot to me if some of you would read this and offer me your two cents. Today I was at my girlfriends house for a Passover dinner and nuts were out for a snack. Something about me that’s important to know for this story is that I have an extremely sever Peanut allergy - life threatening. I carry two epi-pens on me at all times. Back to the story, although I am only allergic to peanuts and no tree nuts, these nuts that were placed out were assorted tree nuts, that were likely coated with peanut oil. I lost control. This was the most out of control I have felt in years. I watched the mother eat a nut then take a taste test of the chicken. I was convinced I was going to have a reaction. Later we sat down at the table, and I was in complete fear. The father offered me matzo, but I was too afraid to have anything he touched. I even ended up looking at my girlfriend, who is well aware of my condition, that I was going to end up in the hospital for sure. All I could think about from that moment on was a two-hour mental clock that’s end would signify I would no longer be in danger of going into anaphylactic shock. I had no control and was shaking all throughout the dinner. I truly had no clue what to do and felt completely overrun. Just one day before that, I had another freak-out. This one took place on a vacation, where I had to apply sunscreen to myself. I was absolutely terrified that I had gotten poison ivy from earlier in the day and that I was rubbing it all over myself, and would one day in the near future wake up with it all over me. I tried to voice these concerns to my mother, but I just couldn’t listen to her answer. No matter what she says I dismiss it because I believe she has no clue what she’s talking about, while I, on the other hand, am a self-proclaimed poison ivy “expert.” I know this is terribly long but, here’s what I’m getting into. This condition has been tearing me apart. I am constantly in a state of unrest and I feel that it is tearing down my relationship, even though my significant other is typically understanding. The worst part is, as much as I want to never have OCD again, I am completely afraid to break free from it’s shackles. I believe that my OCD has always given me significant intelligence, and recently had even let me see the world in ways that I could never have before. I have always said that it is the silent killer. OCD is the most subtle death to anyone. It has torn me apart and managed to make me feel dependent on it. As much as I find it horrible, I find it beautifully; and I don’t want to lose something that could potentially make me who I am.

My ocd is that I’m afraid about potentially thinking a violent thought so I constantly check to see if I am thinking one which, of course, makes me imagine all the thoughts I DONT want to think. Then I go straight into “what is wrong with me” mode. Am I messed up for having a random violent thought from time to time or is this normal for people?

Anyone with HOCD/ROCD have any tips about going on a date when the thought of it makes you want to die of anxiousness? I’ve been talking to this guy on tinder who seems nice and everything but every time in the past that I’ve started talking to someone and say yes to a date, I literally cancel the next day cause I’m so deathly afraid. This isn’t even necessarily ocd’s fault I’ve always just been scared to death of this kinda thing but obviously having hocd, and what I believe is pre-rocd thoughts, make it seem literally impossible. But I WANT it. I think about having a boyfriend all the time. Ocd is so detrimental to everything you want it’s so frustrating. Ik- news flash haha. Anyways. Should I go? Is this bad timing- will I make everything worse for myself? He’s really cute and seems really nice. Jeez idk idk idk.

I have a question about Prozac or other SSRIs. So I definitely showed some OCD symptoms before taking Prozac (especially in regard to health obsessions), but after I took Prozac, the really terrible thoughts came in. Did anyone else experience this when taking Prozac? I’m off of them now (for over a year) but after a lot of work I STILL have residual thoughts from it.

Sometimes I don’t feel all the anxiety anyone and then I think I don’t care. Then I’m worried that I might not care and if that means something. Then I have a thought and it doesn’t completely gross me out and then I’m like what does that mean? Like I don’t want it but it doesn’t bother me... Then I question if I really have OCD/HOCD or if I somehow made the whole thing up? I just took the same HOCD quiz twice just to make sure I didn’t lie and that it still said it’s a high chance I have it. Anybody?

If anyone can relate to this it would be greatly appreciated.. I’ve been struggling with the same “image” for months of me on a child, humping/sexually abusing it. I would never ever hurt a child- I work with kids and I love them and when I’m around them the thoughts aren’t so bad cause I am now able to dismiss them it’s just this image.. the reason why I am struggling so much is because I’m sexual and I get intrusive feelings that I might like it and stuff. As a child I used to sexually explore even by once humping my baby doll. I don’t know if im just messed up but i don’t know what to do anymore these thoughts have stolen nearly 5 months of my life and I want to go back to normal..

I just wanna completely give up. Its impossible for me to focus on the things I used to enjoy. It's so hard to have the will to keep going when this world is so evil and bleak.

Hello, I know my text is too long but please read until the end and sorry for my english it's not my maternal language. I am 23 years old and we have discovered at the age of 15 that I was suffering from depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) such as intrusive thoughts that are like unintended thoughts, ideas or images that provoke anxiety, fear, or discomfort. The content of these thoughts is often about pain, violence, aggression, sex, mistakes, physical appearance and many other things. I live constantly in anguish and when an event occurs due to emotions I lose control and I do what is called a panic attack or also called crisis of anxiety that comes under the sudden onset of a sensation of intense fear. It is usually an episode where feelings of fear (anxiety) and intense discomfort, brutal installation and for a few minutes to several hours. Physical symptoms may include sweating, palpitations, a feeling of choking, chest pain, nausea, tingling that causes a feeling of loss of control in the body. These symptoms are associated with feelings of loss of control or imminent danger unrelated to reality. These OCD are due to an excessive activity of the prefrontal cortex, it works more than the norm and because of this excessive activity it sends signals of danger even without reasons and it is what causes the anxiety and the panic attack. I have been on antidepressants for all these years and I still have some sedatives in my pocket in case it turns into a panic attack. Today I come to you because I am exhausted emotionally tired and physically it has become extremely painful for me to live with...I need to be understood... I read a few comments and I find myself in a few of them...you have to know that you are not alone...we must be proud of ourselves... THANKS FOR READING ME...:"(

I haven’t found anything online/ met anyone with OCD like mine. I’ve always had it, my mum suffered with it too and committed suicide two and a half years ago. Throughout my life I’ve seemed to suffer with all of the various types of OCD but the one bothering me the most at the moment seems to be not talked about. I have to wear specific clothes and underwear, wash, apply certain make up products before I go out socialising. All in the fear that if I don’t people won’t find me attractive, it now takes me up to five hours to get ready before going out. The main issue is, if I don’t do these compulsions people actually don’t find me attractive, no one talks to me etc. I know it sounds so vain and I remember the exact point it started and why I’m so bothered by people thinking I’m good looking. It’s widely accepted that by not completing a ritual the terrible thing won’t happen, but for me it does. It’s a similar story for me if I don’t do certain things e.g check the doors, oven etc I will miss my alarm, every time I don’t do these rituals I miss my alarm! It’s a bloody catch 22 for me!

Rocd kicking in again :( I feel like my man is kind of boring .. all he does is go to work and to the gym and play video games, is that normal for a 26 year old or ? #fml