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I don’t know if it’s my ocd or if I’m just crazy at this point. I haven’t been able to get my shit together. I keep acting the same way every single day I’ve been losing this battle and I don’t think I can take it much longer. I can’t take facing my toxic parts. I can’t take this battle anymore I feel so weak compared to these terrible traits of mine. They keep winning. I know for damn sure my boyfriend will not be in my life for much longer.. pretty sure he is only with me because of a trip we planned that’s a few days away. I can’t swallow the fact that I’ve done all of this to myself. I can’t face myself in the mirror. I can’t face these parts of me anymore but I also know that’s why I keep acting how I do. Because I won’t grow up and deal with it. I feel so disgusted with myself

I’m trying to remember that if I was gay I would know. Then my mind try’s to say “how do you know you’re not gay?” It’s honestly funny to me at this point. Because I literally said it before that I would KNOW I was gay. I kind of laugh because it’s just trying to play with my mind. I don’t need complete proof to know. It would just be known that I was gay, I might be confused but there would be proof that I was gay. You know??

Anyone else feels their mental health is at a its lowest? I don’t feel motivated to do anything since hocd started. It’s taken a toll on everything. I feel so exhausted, not motivated to do anything. I cry at least 3 times a week. Also could be because of being diagnosed with sever depression and generalized anxiety disorder

I don’t even think about the thoughts that much anymore, I mean I think about them but idk how to explain it but I think I’m in the backdoor spike. I’m not anxious anymore I’m just scared that my hocd is true. I’m scared I’m actually gay, I don’t analyze girls around me as much as before. I still get what if I’m attracted to her in my head sometimes but not as much. I know I’m not that way, I’ve never felt that way. I’ve never liked a girl so whyyyy?? Why am I so worried? It doesn’t make since, I still test to see if I’m gay, I do a lot of stuff online which I know I need to stop. Because it’s definitely reassurance. I’m so confused. Any advice?? Please

I’m so worried that I’ll never get married or be in a relationship because I’ve always pushed guys I was seeing away right before we’ve committed. Growing up this was always a constant thing, I’d like a guy, we’d have a good time together then I’d get scared, feel overwhelmed and trapped and start comparing him to what I “want” and if he met everything on my “checklist” and then push him away. I really liked these guys too and then I’d be so mean to them just because I wanted them out of my life cause I was just so overwhelmed and trapped. I didn’t even know ROCD was a thing, I thought I was just picky and then I thought I couldn’t receive love and then I thought I was aromantic and then asexual, but it wasn’t true because I did like being sexual with guys I really liked and I do like affection. It makes sense that this is ROCD because I’ve always had ocd tendencies and control issues. Does anybody else with ROCD just very hesitant about even getting in a relationship because they fear they’re stuck with someone forever and then start nit picking and then get turned off and then start to question everything??? I once talked to a guy who used the wrong “youre” and got scared and almost stopped talking to him fully. And the only relief when I feel overwhelmed is just being alone like I love being alone but I’m so sad because I want a boyfriend but feel I’m just not capable of loving and being loved. I guess now that I have a name to it I can work on it.

This is an exposure for me. I’m terrified to comment. I only hit “share”, “submit”, etc. with sweaty palms and a racing heart. And, only when it’s unavoidable. I seek reassurance from family. I ask them to read my emails and proofread my essays. But I feel dependent on others and I hate that. Recently, I challenged myself to comment on a FB post. “That’s lovely” is all I wrote. It wasn’t a controversial statement, but it caused me to feel intense anxiety symptoms. So, believe it or not, this comment is a huge step forward for me. And, hopefully it isn’t the last!

I’m new to the site but not at all new to OCD. I’ve seen a lot of posts about “hocd” and just generally posts about people thinking they’re gay or whatever. I’m a lesbian and honestly it’s a really confusing and awful thing to see. I’m sure the posts aren’t literally homophobic but like, it’s shitty to go on an app to help your mental illness and then to see people portray homosexuality as an illness!!!! I know that there could be straight people who have these intrusive thoughts but HEY!! I had those intrusive thoughts too and I ended up being gay. I thought it was all anxiety but it wasn’t! It just feels so weird to see this stuff. If I saw those posts as a teenager, I might still be closeted and self-hating. Anyone else have thoughts?

OCD is ruining my life. My parents have to yell at me almost everyday because I have to take the dish washing soap to wash my hands, even if there is a bar of soap right there I just feel like bar soap doesn't clean off germs as well. I could just touch a wall with paint and I think "oh I have to wash my hands now I don't to drop my iq" because i think there is lead on the walls even though it is in good condition. I feel like such a outcast because I know nobody around me does this, and my family is Jamaican and I know back then they didn't have water they could constantly wash their hands with.

Does anyone ever get thought like “maybe I should leave my bf to work on myself” but deep down inside you know you don’t want to leave him and in fact he helps you through the rough times?

Has anyone seen someone that has different subsets of OCD, GAD, panic attacks and get through it and live a happy life. I live in constant brain fog, with tension in my body all the time. I’m tired and lethargic and don’t want to live like this but my feelings are very overwhelming. What can I do

Might delete this app some people say things like they aren’t distressed by there thoughts an I’m not sure if ya recovery if if they never had ocd and it is triggering Which sucks I love the support in this app I just don’t know what to do

I’ve reached a breaking point and people seem to be noticing. A week ago somebody had moved something at work on my desk and it bothered me so much it sent me into a breakdown. Like I’ve always had ocd and the more I think about it I feel like I’ve always had ROCD because growing up I’d have such strong feelings for boys and then as soon as I was about to date them, cut them off because in my head I was scared they would have to settle. Like I’d purposely find something I don’t like about them and then get scared I’d have to spend my life with them. I was 15, why would I be marrying them??? in my head it made sense though. Every connection I had with a boy was alway ruined with these thoughts. I’d be out on a date and then see another cute boy and then be like wow do I really want to go any further with the guy I’m on a date with if there are so many other guys out there??? How do I know they’re the one?? I didn’t even know ROCD was a thing but it makes sense that I’ve had it all my life right?? I always passed it off as being really picky but now it just seems like ROCD. And then my family really honing in on my relationships and asking when I’d get a boyfriend really fucked with me. In my head I’d be like “I’ll get one when I find the right one” but to them I always had a feeling they thought I was just gay. Like I’d get so defensive like hello I’m just picky!!! Then everyone at work started asking and the more they’d ask the more I’d start to worry. I’d be more cautious of the way I’d dress and things I’d do and I’m starting to think that all that started to build up and now I have HOCD. Does that seem like a possibility to anyone? because now the intrusive thoughts are just “what if you’re not picky and you’re just gay?” but then I think back to all the times and all the feelings I’ve had for so many guys that got ruined because of my fears of commitment. Could it have been ROCD all along?

POCD TW: help :/ Just read some really triggering stuff about POCD and I’ve been in a down spiral for roughly 2 and half hours. I feel unwanted attraction towards children, sometimes sexual and I absolutely hate it. Then found a forum for pedophiles that commit to not acting on their thoughts and talked about how much stress and anxiety it bring them. And it just makes me feel like I’m in denial about my OCD. This mixed with some mistakes I made a few years back, what I hope to be false memories, and working with children for 9 hours a day. I’m a wreck. I can’t get to a therapist with my work schedule. I’m terrified and need help.

Help, would anyone please mind reading my past two posts? Im having an extremely difficult time and could really use some support.

It’s gotten to the point my boyfriend threatens to block me every time he gets a little ticked off at me and he doesn’t like talking when he’s upset he always needs space. My ocd goes crazy when this happens because I fear being broken up with, which he also threatened. Our relationship was perfect and after some fights he has come to resent me. When he’s mad he tells me he’s with me out of pity and then when he’s calm he says he loves me he doesn’t mean it. This is so hard for me to handle and makes me obsess like crazy. He knows I am lonely at home and we are long distance.

HOCD is telling me I have to be gay. I don’t want to be. I have always loved men. Every Disney show growing up I would develop a crush on a boy (zoey 101 it was logan, Hannah Montana it was jake etc.). No part of me has any desire to be gay. I hate this.

Does anyone stop getting anxious about an obsession but it still bothers them on the inside? I feel such a horrible pit in my stomach whenever I try to move on with my life and just try to be happy. Almost like I feel guilty for being happy when I have unresolved obsessions in my head.

Learning to manage OCD is possible and its so freeing. I have my life back and I have tools that help me manage this when it tries to pop up. You’ll get there too! So worth it.

I know any reassurance I get does not satisfy, it keeps coming back. Even if I think I have an answer, even if the answer is that I don’t have the answers and that’s okay, it does not last. The ocd will find a way to come back and make me question. But I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD still, I have gone through an eating disorder and severe malnourishment... and chemo. So I wouldn’t be surprised if my brain is just tired, exhausted, and trying to repair itself and my entire body. But even before all of that, I struggled with my brain. Someone would turn on a light switch, and my mind would be thrown completely off and I’d panic, if someone opened a door, my mind was thrown off, the color of the sky didn’t feel right, something didn’t feel right. And I spent hours to full days being thrown off and wondering why. I didn’t know what was wrong with me. And still to this day I don’t understand. I do not know if it’s OCD. My mind feels broken. I can’t concentrate and I can’t seem to focus on anything without feeling like I’m missing something and I have to figure something out and something is wrong. Not sure what the purpose of my writing this is, I guess I’m just processing some. If anyone has any thoughts, I’d love to hear:)

i was mindfully calling myself a boy and using him/his pronouns and i felt very comfortable. my tocd just sets back ?