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Does anyone with OCD abstain from alcohol or anything that alters your present state for fear their thoughts will manifest? Anyone avoid being vulnerable for that reason as well

There was a sexual YouTuber I saw on YouTube that demonstrates sexual content that I've seen in the past and watched yesterday but I got iffy about her age. I looked her up again to try and see if I could find anything, once person said she was removed because she was 17 but another debunked that saying she's actually 23. She currently has her YouTube channel again but I'm still worried about it It's hard for me to tell the age of young adults and it did look and sound like a young adult to me which is why I stuck around. But then I worried about it and saw that which spiked my worries.

I dont know if this is the right place to post this so please let me know its not so I can delete it :) I've had this problem since what feels like forever- I can't remember a time where I haven't. Recently, it's gotten so much worse- my hairbands that I can't take off my wrist, the fact I can't walk through a door without having to go back and walk through again because I got 'caught', turn on a light without doing it again with my other hand, walk past a chair without walking back past the same way, put a book down on the table and if the corners don't go down evenly I have to do it again till it feels right, leave a person without counting otherwise something bad will happen to them, throw something away even as stupid as a piece of paper without having to count to 8 twice or do it again or do it for a certain number of times or until it feels right. I have to tap my candle every morning and every night otherwise something bad will happen. I have to put all my makeup back in my box the same places it came out of otherwise something bad will happen. I have a set routine of how I have to put away Lottie at night and get her out in the morning. I can't lose the anklets that I wear. I have to lie flat on my back to go to sleep because otherwise it's uneven and my duvet has to be evenly across me otherwise I'm wonky. I have to chew my food a certain number of times and it gets to the point where it's just easier to not eat. I can't walk on any of the cracks in the pavement and I have to have two steps in each square, one with each foot. If I hit my leg on a door I have to hit the other leg in exactly the same place. If I apply concealer on a spot on the left hand side of my face I have to apply it to the same place on the other side of my face even if I don't have a spot there. I have to tap my fingers evenly and switch my lamp on and off an even amount of times. I get emotionally attached to inanimate objects then I can't throw them away e.g. the carpet in my old room, the wallpaper in the study, mum's old desk chair I snuck out at 3am to the car just so I could cut two pieces of the fabric off to keep in my box upstairs. I can't have the volume on my laptop or the TV at any number that isn't even and even then it can't be on certain numbers because they are wrong. I can't walk on the little squares on my carpet in the lounge or up the stairs. It's just so draining because it's constantly me vs my thoughts and my thoughts always win and I'm always in the wrong and I always have to count twice to 8 if I do it wrong.

Why do I feel anxious even though I’m on meds. I’m on Zoloft 25mg and steel feel anxiety about my hocd. Also I’m in therapy every Monday.

Hello everyone. If you don't know me, my name is Sarahtonen and I used to be active on here in the fall of 2021 and winter 2022. Most people I use to see on my feed are probably gone but I thought I make this post since people are joining this app every single day. I come from a family that has mental illnesses such as OCD, depression, anxiety, and schizophrenia so its no surprise that I found out I had OCD. I joined this community and it was a life safer because reddit was doing me no good. This is how I found out more about my themes and details about ERP. I recovered from my theme which was SO-OCD almost a year ago. I get questions all the time about recovery which is fine with me. You can probably find it in the search bar if you type "my acute hocd recovery story" and "life after hocd." Before joining I was a mess analyzing my feelings, thoughts, etc. It was a horrible time for me and I hated it but thanks to this app I gotten better and no longer have so-ocd. Now, I'm struggling with a new theme and at this point I am getting annoyed on why I keep having these thoughts for almost 4 months. Every time I see something on social media or videos I freaked out and perform my rituals. I was confused on how I made recovery before and not now. I was the same before with my first theme - awful thoughts, questioning, spiraling, depression, etc. why the heck was going on this time?? People would consider my SO-OCD theme a difficult ERP recovery because people, regardless of sexual orientation, will think SO-OCD is a challenging theme. I read all of my old posts on here and something clicked. Before joining this community, I cried and was so anxious I was shaking. Finding this app was my saver because I thought I was going crazy or lying to myself. I didn't know OCD had all of these themes. It was a breathe of fresh air for me but even scrolling though here I was still dealing with my triggers and anxiety - even during my erp recovery I was still having negative thoughts but I realize persisting in my recovery and letting these thoughts sit there outside of ERP is what really helped me. Releasing emotions is important during recovery. You are going to feel anxious and scared at first but over time you will realize how false those thoughts, feelings, etc. are. The anxiety will calm down because you are basically getting rid of them to the point where you do not care about them anymore. In my recovery story, I talked about riding a bike or going to the gym. This is what I said word to word: "At first, it was scary and it sucked but I told myself its okay to feel uncomfortable it will get better over time. (Like riding a bike or going to the gym - you're not going to see instant results - recovery will take time)." THIS IS WHERE IT CLICKED. I was so rushed to get better, I didn't release any emotions outside of my ERP and the time it will take. I wanted to get better and get better NOW but you must be gentle with yourself during recovery. Back to the gym, since this is a real life example, my goal for 2023 is to get healthier and lose some weight. At first, I dreaded working out and wanted my results in a heartbeat - getting it done and over with. Overtime, I realize how much I liked working out and feeling better about myself. I'm 6 weeks into my fitness journey and I feel much better such as making better food choices, enjoying workout videos, etc. Why does this relate to ERP? For me, I didn't want to do ERP because I was scared to the point I was dreading it. I didn't want to do it AT ALL. Almost 2 months later, I was pretty much better. Since my theme was SOOCD I avoided lgbtq+ topics but now I'm listening to the girl in red and watching lgbtq+ films ENJOYING THEM like how I am enjoying work out videos once I started to put the work in. Hopefully that makes so much sense. Your brain is like a muscle. You are basically training it to go back to "normal" before you had your theme. Before you had your theme, those thoughts didn't bother you before, huh? they were passing by for years until your ocd decided to mess up your thinking. ERP is basically training your brain to go back to normal. Most of those thoughts in regards to your OCD are false. It's okay to feel negative, anxious, etc. outside your ERP recovery. Basically those thoughts are fighting back or leaving your brain. ERP is basically there to tell them "Hey I know you are here but I don't care" making them less and less. Trust me, ERP is scary but in 6 weeks you could be a different person. I realize what I was doing wrong and going to do it like I did it before. I believe in all of you on here and on other OCD websites that are similar to NOCD. I plan on being more active here because I know I'll have questions of my own and helping those here.

Has anyone got something similar to me? I get the harmful thoughts I involuntarily plan it and then it gives me anxiety but it feels so similar to having an urge which makes me even more scared. Also another thing that scares me even more too is that I kind of feel desensitised to everything now so when I get those thoughts I don't really think anything of it sometimes and it makes me more scared because it feels like im maybe going crazy and that I might act on it.

I've realized a while back that I've had OCD since I was a kid. Pretty extreme, Religious paranoia, magical thinking, for the most part in the beginning, and it became so much worse (diving into all types of harm, specifically sexual harm, religious, magical thinking, false memories extra soup pot) till I started treating myself a couple months back Surrounded by pretty low support, and some people who would feed into my magical thinking They did indeed become delusions. Thats just a basic history on me, now. I've noticed that because of how intense and terrifying my ocd has been for me A way that I chose to combat a lot of my everything was by letting other people think for me Letting them set the pace and choose for me Letting them come to me Letting them speak without interrupting And because of that I developed Almost no self-thinking tools/skills (I am also autistic so this might also be a factor in my social path) I've let many people lead me into foolish roles, and it wasn't till I've almost screamed at myself crying and begging myself to stop and leave them That I did Its been a very long process I have better people now And in general Many things are better though its still is very difficult Living in a mind that only wants to keep me prisoner out of absolute fear I still want to get better, I'm not sure what many other steps to take besides talking out loud and taking it day by day

I’m so sick of my mind it’s so cruel, I want to feel happy again I’m so over this. The past 3 weeks I have been stressing over multiple things/mental issues. At first I remember I saw a video about someone saying if u see shadows you have schizophrenia and I didn’t see shadows but I went into a freak out and started searching around looking if I saw anything of course I didn’t but this led me to feel paranoid and not leave my room sitting and crying in bed, then I worried about how I saw a video on the internet about how some people go mental over the fact the world might not exist and everyone might be a figment of our imagination so I went into a spiral and started questioning everything, once again stayed in my room crying. Then I worried about harm ocd since I had a scary dream and I thought omg what if I wanna do those things and my mind tries to think about bad peoples perspectives and of course I felt grossed out and thought omg I must be insane, and now then I worried about DID ( dissociative identity disorder ) and now I’m convincing myself I have evil alters when I don’t even hear voices or anything. I feel insane, I’ve also got depersonalisation to add to that which makes it worse. I’m so over it I’m sick of everyone saying I’m going to get better because I don’t feel like I will it’s just getting worse I’m only young and I had so many things I was looking too this year but I feel like my mind just wants me to be miserable. I want to be happy. I’ve been taking Effexor for 2 days now and I feel worse, that may be normal but the intrusive thoughts keep coming and they are scarier. Im sick of being paranoid it’s annoying my family now and I feel bad because I also want to happy for them and not cause them stress but I have no idea what to do. Is this normal with ocd or am I going insane?

So much of the advice I have heard about treating obsessive/compulsive behaviors and anxiety is about "letting go". What does this mean? Does this imply I am "holding onto" something? What does it mean to "hold onto" something? How did I "pick it up" in the first place? Is "letting go" a positive act, like deciding to do something, or a negative act, like deciding to not do something? Is this something I can just decide to do, or does it require practice or preparation? Are there studies in psychology about people who practice "letting go"? Is this related to the ego? Where can I find answers to these questions?

Hello! Ahoj!🙋🏽‍♀️ I would like to ask if you also experience this: Everywhere where I have my things - my bedroom, my shoes storage etc. I need to have it perfecly clear, everything has to have its place and I need to know where all of my things are - even the smallest unimportant objects. Thank you for replying.

how come my bf is fine with going long periods without me? he has said he doesn’t mind it and why is he so much less unbothered by it than i am

I think this is genuinely the worst I’ve ever felt at a stage in ocd, I’m exhausted and I’m literally believing I’m evil. I’m so tired honestly, because it feels like when I imagine the intrusive thought to test myself it feels like I like the feeling of doing that action (the thought is about smothering) and I literally can’t persuade myself otherwise, it feels like I can’t be trusted as long as it feels like ‘I like the feeling’ because sometimes I would imagine the thought and it would feel like I ‘like the feeling of imagining doing that’ and then it would feel like it was actually about to happens and was backed up by the feeling of ‘I like the feeling’ so now it feels like I can’t trust myself being alone with a animal or a person because if I get that feeling I might actually do it since it feels like I ‘like the feeling’ and ‘want to do it’ I was feeling better and then my period started and I started worrying again and now I’m like this, feels like the worst I’ve ever felt, normally I can pick myself up but it feels like there’s no hope and I’m genuinely believing that I like the feeling and that I’m evil, I’m trying to not worry but it feels like I’m just ignoring it while still believing it, today my cat died as well and I was balling my eyes out crying so hard, and I still believe I’m evil because when I imagine the smothering thought it feels like ‘I like the feeling’ and that feeling feels so extremely real, most times when I imagine the thoughts it feels like I get anxiety or a jolt feeling but sometimes I imagine it and it feels like I like the feeling of doing that action of squashing someone’s face with a pillow and stopping them from breathing (sounds horrible I’m sorry) but that feeling feels so real and it’s so depressing, I feel miserable like I can’t be happy because I’m bad now and may eventually be bad and because this feeling feels so real i literally now believe I’m evil and like the feeling and I don’t know what to do, how am I suppose to stop believing this? Surely if I hated it I wouldn’t be so easy to believe it’s true that I like the feeling? Surely if I really didn’t like it I would feel a little more confident and know I would never do that or never want to do that? But the fact I feel I can’t trust myself makes me think maybe It’s actually true that I like the feeling and would do it since I’m literally believing that? I keep worrying I will give in to this urge especially now that it feels like I ‘like the feeling’ I honestly don’t know wha to please advice me I’m literally now believing this and my head thinks of scenarios in the future where I’m evil because it feels like I like the feeling and I imagine being somewhere and I start testing myself on the thoughts by imagining the smothering thing and then it feels like I ‘like the feeling’ again and then I actually act on it - This is what my head thought of today and I had an intrusive thought like ‘prison wouldn’t be that bad’ then I was thinking ‘omg say I would actually act on it and I’m not bothered about going jail’ I just think crazy things all the time I don’t know which thoughts are real and which feelings are mine and which are false ideas from ocd 😞😞

I started lexapro a week ago and I feel that it’s making my anxiety worse. Does anyone have experience taking lexapro? Did you notice the same? Thanks!

Has anyone ever had an intrusive thought that they have a crush on someone else while they’re in a relationship? I had an intrusive thought about one of my co-workers who is female. I don’t believe I am even gay but for a moment I had a small panic attack that I had a crush on her. I know I love my boyfriend and want to be with him but now I feel like I betrayed him by thinking about someone else like that even though it was an accident. I know I can’t say anything to him about it because I’m pretty sure the crush isn’t real and it would just make things weird between him and I. Anyone have any suggestions or can relate to this?

I have family coming tomorrow for the first time to see my new place and I want to be excited because I love them, then there’s OCD, which ruins everything. I need my family not to worry about me. They don’t know how much I’m struggling. Asking for prayers ❤️

I was diagnosed with ocd like 2 months ago. I have excessive rumination about my orientation. As long as I can remember I’ve only been attracted to woman and never with men. I’m having intrusive thoughts like I’m gay and that u have to come out to everyone because your gay. I’m just worry I’m in denial.

Is there anyone out there who suffers from probably the worst kind of ocd, the so called emotional or thought contamination ocd? I have lost basically almost all one can lose in life because of it. It almost ruined my life. I've been seeing a psychiatrists and a clinical psychologist, but none of them have much knowledge of ocd in general , and have never Heard of my type of ocd. I get no support whatsoever. I am all alone fighting Ocd, Well with the help of an AD, that helps somewhat, but has such side effects that I can hardly function anymore. Without it, I would have killed myself sooner or later. Exposure Response prevention therapy is not for me. I would rather commit suicide. I dont know how to fight it. Is there anyone outthere who knows what I am talking about? Is there Anyone who has actually found a way to wink the war with ocd? I only have a husband. Nobody Else. He's been through hell with me. How do I help him understand what I am going through and why and what ocd is. I dont want ocd Take him away too. I've lost everybody Else due to ocd. I feel so much love and compassion for each and everyone of you suffering with ocd. I wish I could hug you all. I Feel So hopeless from time to time and I wish I had someone who understands to hug me. My hubby is far away for the time being on account of his job. Well, He would hug me, but still, after 18 years together, he does not understand it. My Best wishes to All of you. Love.

Hi there, I’ve been dealing with OCD (harm) most of my life but was just diagnosed at 30 years old.. I am now a mom of an amazing 2 year old so when my OCD flares up it’s a bit more disturbing to me than it was in my past.. news stories have always triggered me. And most recently there was the story of the nurse mom who strangled her 3 kids and tried to kill herself. I’m obsessing over it, comparing myself to her trying to convince myself I would never do that, looking into the story on the internet, the whole 5 yards… I just can’t stop thinking of this woman and I’m so disturbed and scared, it’s making my OCD so much worse. I just started treatment last week and I can’t wait to learn the tools I need to help. But I wanted your guys opinion as well. And was curious if there’s any other moms on here that struggle and how they cope ♥️

I’m not going to harm myself but I’m ready for god to come take me out of here . I’m tired of dealing with this 😭😭😭

For everyone who believes In Christ don’t let your faith waver because of this, no matter the theme remember that if we are able to overcome this mental hell then it is a testament to his sovereign power. Let His love and grace saturate you and illuminate out of you, I know how low the lows can get and your emotions are valid, He also will never change and His word endures forever. “I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:13