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the NOCD Community

Idk why but I am not feeling myself, I feel like I can't control this all anymore and wanna cry badly but can't cry. Everthing feels so heavy, (not trying to sound dramatic) but I really wanna hug someone tightly and brust into tears...

So I'm pretty much at the point where anything sexual is too triggering for my anxiefy one way or another. What sucks about this is that I have a lot of trouble stopping sexual acts. I believe I have a sex addiction and I can't seem to stop doing sexual activities even though I try to several times. I'm really worried that my neighbors heard me when I engaged with this behavior and I feel embarrassed or like a bad person even if it's such a normal human activity. Then I get a worry that someone younger may have had heard me and that's really messing with my pocd. In the past this happened and I was actually heard but I was too embarrassed and said it was something else but I wasn't this anxious about it before but now I am. Bad things always seem to happen when I do this but I can't seem to find success with stopping because I'm so used to it.

I don't know what to feel anymore. Loads of times I'm around my mum I feel what I'm going to call groinal responses, but they feel real. Whenever she makes any little noise it annoys me to no end, but also leads to these groinal responses which don't make sense. I don't know if they are them or they're real. I love my mum so much and would never want to do anything weird. I just don't know what's going on. I don't like it.

What are some highlights or wins against your OCD today?

Does anyone else really struggle to do their erps? When I do it with in the therapy session I can do it but when I’m doing it in my own I just can’t bring myself to do it The thought of doing it makes me feel sick Does anyone else get this?

I've got a horrible urge to search up CP and I don't know what to do. It feels like I really want to do it. I can't tell if I want to do it but it's telling me I want to and that I'll like it and I'll never enjoy anything again until I do it. How do I prevent myself from doing it, is this is a sign of ocd and how can I distract? I'm scared I'm a pedo but I'm perhaps more scared that this thought won't go unless I do it or that I'll do it because of ocd and then go to jail.

Hocd has tortured me for sure with all these confusing symptoms. It started with thoughts and images, those turned into urges and feelings like I want the thoughts or want to be gay, then came false attractions. The realness of everything is so crazy to me, like how could a disorder possibly do this to a person. While these symptoms drove me crazy, I have gotten better and have learned to accept some of the symptoms. The false attractions and urges still get me a lot but there’s been slight improvement. I’m just trying to figure out my next step is. Since I’ve dealt with this for so long my libido and attraction to women is very minimal which scares me. I guess I just don’t know how to get back to how I used to feel, we’re liking a girl just came natural and there was no questioning about it. I feel so unproductive because I’m constantly trying to figure out this unawnsered question in my head. I play college football and it’s so tough for me to stay focused during film and practice because I feel like I need to focus on the hocd. My hocd makes me notice everyone on the team and it drives me crazy. I was always very confidently straight growing up and had good sexual relationships with girls I dated, so this constant fear of my sexuality just changing still terrifies me. I just don’t know how to disregard these symptoms that make the hocd feel like it’s my sexuality that’s changed permanently. Just kinda wanted to hear some peoples thoughts on this.

a lot of people have POCD surrounding really young kids and sometimes I get intrusive thoughts about it too, but mine gets triggered by teenagers. I'm always afraid that I'm attracted to them and in denial somehow. I also have a fear of being attracted to teenagers when I get older (because a lot of older people get called out for being predators) even though I'm super against that. The thought makes me want to puke !! It's creepy and I never want to be like those people !! Is anyone here the same?

Hi, this is very long apologies lol ,I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD however Id like to share my story and questions, any advice appreciated!(I’m 23male, North of Ireland) In 2020 I started having thoughts about suicide etc however I never wanted to ever do it and had no reason to think like this, I have loving family/ friends/ my girlfriend at the time. When these thoughts would pop up it would trigger anxiety etc.. it was like part of my brain was arguing with the other,I eventually went to my doctor and was diagnosed with depression and put on citalopram(celexa). I had around a month of absolutely terrifying side effects, my thoughts about suicide became absolutely off the charts, I had my girlfriend sleep with me because I was scared I was going to kill myself. Even looking at my curtains would trigger me… throughout this time I never ever planned or consciously wanted to do such a thing. I spent basically 2 months locked in my room watching tiktok and sleeping..Eventually I levelled out and within 3/6 months I was back to normal life again and pretty much recovered having no intrusive thoughts. At this point I had never heard of OCD apart from the usual stereotypical “being clean” OCD. Fast forward 2 years of pretty consistent good mental health and normality for the most part. Last month I noticed that these crazy thoughts would slide into my mind about being a pedophile and over the next week would get worse and worse. I had a feeling my citalopram was becoming less effective so my dosage was upped, I think this triggered side effects again and caused me to completely fall apart and had the worst mental health episode I’ve had. My brain was fully trying convince my I was a pedophile and I stayed pretty much bed bound for over a month, I couldn’t work or socialise and even barely talk to my family, the shame was absolutely crippling I thought at a point I should just commit suicide because no one likes a pedophile and that even if I’m not, how can I live like this, it was insanity, and for a few hours a day I’d come around a little and realise I was being ridiculous. Most of the time I knew in myself that I’m obviously not a pedophile And the thoughts were absolutely abhorrent. This is also when I researched symptoms and found out about OCD and all of its different forms. This is where my question comes in. I didn’t think I had any compulsions as such. However I’ve just heard of avoidance, which seems to fit me. I spent the whole month in bed watching tiktoks and researching ocd and “ruminating”. And I mean like 13hrs a day on tiktok. It was really the only thing with the constant swiping and flow of different content that could keep me distracted. Another thing I was doing was just sleeping. I was sleeping a crazy crazy amount and anytime I got realllly bad, I would just sleep try sleep it off. Like if I woke up from 10hrs sleep and 2 hours later I was spiralling into anxiety, it would be back to sleep, sometimes sleeping all day. Would these actions be considered compulsions? I really don’t have physical compulsions and seem to fully line up with “Pure O” Anyways, my medication seems to be working well again considering I can even write this and I’m doing well and I’m happy again. As if none of that even happened only a month ago.. hopefully that gives someone hope. Does it sound like I have OCD and also has anyone experience with a diagnosis with the UK NHS? Thanks for any advice people 💪

TW I obsess over the fact that people don't need me. I'm not necessary to people, you know? Not even a future spouse wouldn't be just as glad without me. Of course, it's mutual -- I don't technically need a particular person in my life either. Still, it's a hard thing to think about

Hi all, I am curious what others experiences are with marijuana usage. I feel like marijuana exacerbates my OCD and provokes really visual intrusive thoughts. I am wondering if others can relate?

TW IF YOU HAVE EXISTENTIAL OCD i have convinced myself that life is hell and it has just started unfolding into my hell and my brains reasoning for this is that i can’t seem to imagine how i’m living my own life and everyone else is living theirs — does that make sense at all?? i can’t fathom we are all conscious im freaking out over this and have been for a month or so

I keep having panic attacks.

Hello, I've used this app before but sometimes avoid to not remind myself that I do have ocd. So acouple of months ago there was an upsetting video that circuled around the internet and I deleted my tiktok and instagram to avoid it. I've been using ig only on other people's phones because it just feels safer. Safe to safe just the description of this particular video left me traumatized and my ocd "flares up" when I have PMS. For me, I'm scared of being on ig because I get scared I'm gonna see or hear about that video or even worse, look up the particular things to "make sure" its deleted off of the internet. I know I would never put myself to witness something so awful, but the idea of me even thinking about it is enough to scare me and makes the simplicity of enjoying ig kinda nerve-wracking and I wonder if anyone on this app understands this feeling and knows ways to use social media in a peaceful way. I would really appreciate advice and thank you a lot to anyone who took the time to read this! Thank you 😊

I always think I'm "wrong" or I'm going to be punished for something. For anything or any mistakes I've made even though most of them were years ago. For example, if I got into an argument with someone, or vented to the wrong person about something going on, I feel like I'm just a bad awful person. And that's just not true. I know a lot of this is a perfectionistic mindset and I just never know what to do or think about it. I try to redirect my thoughts but that's getting harder and harder to do. My home life isn't perfect and it seems like whenever someone is upset it's always my job to fix it or try to fix the situation. I try not to control the situation, I just try to be reassuring and do what I can to fix things but that seems like it isn't enough, either. I'm just worn down and broken down. And I'm tired. I battle my own mind every day and it just feels like I'm not getting anywhere.

i already posted around an hour ago, but i really need help. The anxiety i feel from these thoughts give me horrible physical effects. My stomach hurts and i throw up so so much if i have a really bad flare and crying. I really need help or suggestions on what people do to help soothe the physical effects. I know ill be riddled by these thoughts constantly but I cant keep crying and throwing up during school or even at home. The stomach pain and chills i get also are hard. I feel like i cant live, this feels debilitating.

Hello, I am Non-binary (They/Them), and have never been diagnosed with ocd, but i do relate/ connect to a lot of the symptoms i have been experiencing. Tw: mentions of eating disorders such as anorexia and throwing up for these past two ish months, i have really been struggling with anorexia. i got the whole day without eating, and only eat at dinner. even with dinner i take a few bites and get sick. i get these thoughts like "people like you dont deserve to eat", "you should starve yourself til you rot in your bed. so that everyone you love can find you cold, ridged body.", and it scares me, but today was weird. tonight for dinner my parental figure made us tacos. we had two bags of cheese in the fridge, and i used the older bag to finish it(it was still good. i always check the dates) and it smelt funny. i asked my parental figure if they thought it smelt funny and they told me, "No, smells fine to me" so i trusted them and put it on my tacos. the whole time i heard "its bad dont eat it, its bad dont eat it, its bad dont eat it..." repeating and i ignored it because my parent said it was fine. i sat down to eat, but when i did, the cheese tasted horrible. i started to gag, but i tried to swallow to not get in trouble. i swallowed and for another bite, but once the cheese hit my tongue, i threw up on my plate. i havent eaten very much today, so it was my little bit of taco and some clear stuff. i started to cry. i felt so gross because i threw up on my hand, and that now it was all over my plate. i got more tacos after calming down with new cheese, but i cant stop the idea of it being bad. i dont want to eat the tacos. i want to smell every bite before eating it. should i just eat my tacos? i know the cheese isnt bad, but at the same time im scared of vomiting again. im most likely going to eat them to not get introuble for wasting food

I just want to vent and talk about my experiences because its hard to cope every day feeling like this. its so painful especially because i am 17 and my obsessions center on time and aging and the feeling of loss. i really hope someone older than me with experience with ocd can read this and comment or something but it is insanely long so i get it Truly I think i began to struggle with these things at 10 years old because thats when i first began to feel old and that became a constant worry of mine. 14 is another age when it peaked and now once again. at age 16 i kind of overworked myself and blanked out for the year and would even hit myself until bruising to cope with the stress and thats why turning 17 ten weeks ago really triggered it to get so much worse again. Since last year I barely recall I feel sickened. Ive been in therapy for five weeks and two days now and it hasnt really improved. I havent been officially diagnosed but she tells me I have strong symptoms of ocd. Its really debilitating i can barely get through school days and even while im at home it hurts so bad. even writing this the thought that this post will one day, one minute sink into a part of my past makes me feel really really horrible. I think before i used to cope with these feelings by food restriction, fasting, and purging. Part of the reason i blamed for feeling so old is because i was big so I really wanted to be small and not fat and ashamed but that led me to a spiral of like having a full blown eating disorder. i really regret that because my years 12-14 were largely a blur as thats when my eating disorder was the worst and so much time was devoted towards it. and now that im actually older and dealing with these feelings of being just before adulthood i feel like i lost so much time. and that really just exacerbates the obsession. No matter what i do i cant even distract myself. my compulsions (usually its counting down days or counting days/weeks from a certain day/event and giving myself how much time i have left) they dont give me any relief anymore, not even momentarily. they used to but since these days that i recall and count from i was having these same feelings and distress it just brings the feelings back and gives me an even bigger sense of loss. I cant enjoy anything anymore and one day i broke down in the morning and i was praying(im not even really religiouss) for god to either kill me or wake me up. that was still this month but only the very beginning. idk everything just feels like it isnt real and it just scares me so much. i keep crying during class and i even feel such horrible loss from even just a few hours ago. My one friend from school relates in some ways, he also feels like its a struggle to understand that things are real and are actually going forward especially because of the covid year, but idk he has adhd and that might play a role in it for him. Idk i just wish i got help earlier. like when i was 14 it was really bad and it was related to age and other stuff but in a different way than now. Any way it just is so hard to live and if things continue how they are ill be an adult before i realise it. im trying so hard to get better but its so difficult. Like other than being the only thing i think of its also impacting how i view others and i feel nasty. Like ill see people in their twenties and i find them so disgustingly old even though rationally theyre young but if i convince myself theyre old sometimes ill feel younger. I also feel so guilty because i feel like the faster i take in life the faster i make other people experience life and i feel like im throwing away other peoples youth. I also get occasionally delusional over time. like in july, i jokingly prayed to "tell on god" about one of my classmates, because shes christian and practicing but in class she drew demon sigils with me as a joke. but i thought oh this is a really short prayer and i prayed to god about another thing, asking him to take down the internet once im ready (which would be when i was 20 in my head) and then the next day i saw a video about how space showers might shut down the internet in the future and i got so anxious that it was all my fault and i almost started telling people that it would happen in 2026. I feel so insane and like im living in a limbo, that everything is fake and time hasnt passed a second in the past 5 years, but it has and it continues too and i cant stop thinking about it no matter how much i try to accept it or use these techniques im given. Even if i dont get actually diagnosed with OCD at my appointments, it wont change the distress and hopelessness i feel and im so scared. The more time that passes to more i feel like i lose something. I barely look different from how i did a year or even three years ago, besides my hair length, but i tell myself i can feel myself aging by the second and i even feel like i look horribly older than i really do. honestly im sorry this is so long, i just wanted to vent it all out. this certainly isnt even everything though, but its hard to even acknowledge some of it. i want relief but as it stands with these feelings i dont know if i want to experience the future where i might find the relief. Anyways its already a little bit nice to type here because on crisis lines or with my school counselor, they dont really acknowledge OCD and that may be what i am struggling with. they also just give me like worksheets of anxiety help and stuff which idk they hardly ever help.

Has anyone found a medication for them that has worked. I’m on my second day of Luvox, but my anxiety and depression from intrusive thoughts and ruminating are so through the roof, that I feel like I’m going out of my mind. I’m contemplating trying Valium as need be until my ssri kicks in, but I’m afraid of feeling the need to take it too much and become addicted. Advice?

OCD is a struggle, what has personally helped you to get past it? I am going to see a therapist soon once my insurance starts up, but in the meantime, what are small tactics that help you?