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Does anyone with Scrupulosity deal with feeling like you might quench(disobey) the Spirit?

I am in the process of dating a guy. It just feels right with him and deep down I know the feelings are there - my brain now tells me all the time that I’m lying to him, I’m lying to myself, I’m not allowed to tell my friends about him because I’m one big liar. It also tells me that I actually like women and not men to the extent I’m believing all those thoughts. I just cried because it felt real so I did some mental compulsions to make sure it’s still him I have feelings for. It’s all one big downward spiral today… Does anyone experiencing SOOCD during a relationship? 🥲

Why do relapses feel stronger or more convincing? I made the mistake of agreeing with my thoughts and it's made it feel like I want these thoughts even though I was close to being suicidal at one point because of these thoughts. I'm scared I've been changed

Hi! So i've had intense fear of developing schizophrenia for quite some years now. I'm on a point now where I really don't know how to continue with this. So lately I've been having paranoid thoughts when going outside; like thoughts about friends poisoning my drinks, everybody hates me & wants to get rid of me. I do know these aren't true/ won't happen, but they do feel very real. I see the possibility of these being intrusive thoughts. but then there's this other thing. It's when I'm home, no matter if alone or not. I always feel like something's creeping up to me. I could be in the kitchen, just being on my phone, or with my roommate watching tv, and I'd have the most intense, unbearable feeling of something just being there, and going to enter the room. I can literally feel it coming. It pretty much happens all the time, but the evenings are just another level. I can't even tell if I'm hallucinating or not. Like idk if the shadows I see hushing by are in my imagination or if I actually hallucinate them. As with the feelings mentioned before, I know there's nothing going to attack me, jump out etc. but It's almost impossible to just act normal. Like I'd turn away of any doors/windows, I just feel my body wanting to escape. What could that be? I never felt emotions this intense before. I'm diagnosed with OCD, Anxiety and depression.

Hey, I feel like my OCD is a bit different. I not only have the „usual“ OCD voice that says me to not touch my Eye when my Hands are „dirty“ I also have a voice that demands me to touch my eye so I don’t listen to the OCD voice, this Voice is like a Exposure Voice but also demands me to touch my eye when my hands are dirty for real, so it demands me to do dangerous things sometimes and to do exposures wich are over the top. It’s hard for me to divide what is right and wrong sometimes. Does anyone has this too?

There is a person whom I like (few momths ago) suddenly i felt sudden fear i am not into him and I liked this other boy and i wake up everyday woth a rush of fear inside of me i can’t know what’s true is it ocd or is me not liking the boy 100% but i really feel he is a good person wbut once i saw another boy i said this is good better looking more rich bla bla and then the whole fear spiraled again

So things have been okay in my relationship. I feel better after my medication and I’m able to get through my days. I’m slowly battling my OCD but it is hard when it gets colder. I found that because I find happiness in my relationship, the fear of him leaving becomes more and more prominent. There’s a huge feeling in my chest and stomach and even in my mind that something bad is going to happen and he’s going to disappear from my life completely. Right after we’ve been having important discussions (at least to me since I’m in college and been wanting to build my life after I graduate) about marriage and moving in an apartment together. What’s wrong with me? Is this OCD? I keep asking for recurrence that he still loves me and won’t leave me. But that feeling won’t go away. Maybe I’m destined to be alone. Because I truly really love him.

Before I was 19 I never had violent thoughts toward anyone. Ever. My brothers would sometimes fight physically, but it was spontaneous and we always made up. But when harm OCD hit me at the age of 19 on Feb 2, 1995 I have been immersed in the hell of negative thoughts and depression and harm. It has affected my entire life. I've never made enough money to be on my own. Never had a girlfriend. Never had any hopes or dreams. All I ever tried to do was keep my head above water. Along the way I've realized I have borderline personality disorder and major depression. And currently I feel evil and without love for anyone. Indeed I always doubted my love for others I was a good kid, I had always tried to be good. Maybe all that time I was simply selfish and not realizing this. I know I am proud. I haven't worked in 10 years. I broke my back in 2015. Every day is worse than the next. I know it is selfish to worry about yourself, but I have to bc I'm worried I'm going to murder people. I am an alien in the body of a once normal human beings. I have prayed for years for God to kill me or for God to have me win the lotto so I could be alone. I can tell my mind has deteriorated. And I feel that my inability to kill myself means I want to kill others , that if I cared for these people I would do the right thing. Add in the fact the world had lost its mind since 2020 and I just don't recognize myself or anything anymore

Hi, I have lived with OCD for 47 years. I was 12 years old in 1977 when this was diagnosed. Unfortunately at that time very bad decisions were made at that time on how to treat this. Just in case I forget, I place no blame on my parents for this decision. I was the typical OCD starter story. I washed my hands constantly after I came home from school to wash out thoughts of people I saw at school (grade 7). In my mind, I washed my hands because I didn't want to look or act like kids who were being made fun of. I told my mom that I thought I might be going crazy. Within a month of me telling her this the psychiatrist had me institutionalized. I was there with kids who were up to 6 years older than me. Severely autistic kids, kids who were violent, kids who were obviously there for sexual reasons. 3 months. I'll make this long story on this brief by saying the 1st day I was there, I was showering at the boys side of this place, came out to see two girls standing outside the shower room commenting that I had hair down there. I didn't belong anywhere near a place like that. So when I came back home, I went back to my life. Travel hockey (goalie), and baseball and hid my obsessing from everyone for the next decade. I was afraid to ask for help out of fear of being thought to actually be crazy and put back in a place like where I was. I apologize if this is long. I am sure if I dont do it this way, I might never share my story. Without treatment up until I went to college was very difficult. I had an extremely mentally and emotionally abusive father. Hockey wad extremely difficult, especially once I reached high school a played goalie for 2 years on that team. When almost the entire school is there watching being very nervous before a game was a given. But that on top of my OCD going full blast. Now it was seeing a geek kid ( yes I know the label is wrong), sent me to obsessing that unless I wash my skin, or whatever compulsion, that I would play goal the way he would and get embarrassed in front of the whole school. In college for those 3 years it eased up. Never disappeared, just eased up. I'm getting long winded so I'll try to summarize. I did not tell my wife of my illness until it exploded on me a year after we were married. I know that was very wrong of me. But we're still together ( sort of) all this time later. From that time in 1989, it took until 2018 before I found a psychologist who actually knew how to deal with OCD. I went years without looking for help because of being so discouraged. Now my time's spent with psychiatrists were worse. The 1st one prescribed drugs that I ended up in hospital after having a seizure in my family doctor's office. I was seeing him because I thought I had a severe case of the flu. I didn't know any better in 94 that it wasn't the flu, it was the drugs. I didn't know this until an anxiety med I was on was discontinued and in trying to find something to replace it I got the same case of the flu. I actually walked out on a psychiatrist when on the 1st visit in the mid 2010s he was writing out 3 prescriptions after we talked for 7 whole mins. I said sort of still married. We have 2 young daughters just now hitting there teenage years. Over time (and not because of not telling her of my OCD, but just who she is), she has been the trigger of my anxiety which flows to my OCD. Which is where the help coping comes in. The initial overload that brought my OCD out after a year of being married was her telling me that she'd stopped taking her birth control. We were young and I didn't want children so quickly. I have to continue staying here with her now because she has no parenting instincts at all. So I need to counter balance her with my daughter. The level head if you will. But she is a constant trigger of my OCD. After finding the psychologist who finally had a firm handle on OCD and having a number of sessions, during one he stopped me a said that we can talk about the illness all you want but you have ( and I did) a firm handle on all the ins and outs of it, but until you get away from what triggers you ( my wife) it won't ease up in how often it hits you. But as he knew I can't just leave my daughters. I was supposed to have a knee replacement a few years ago that I canceled because my youngest daughter who was 8 at that time went in full panic mode because I said I would probably stay at a friend's for a couple weeks as he was in a bungalow and our bedrooms are on the second floor. She was in panic saying you can't leave me alone with mom. Now how we have the girls is a long story, but it's true that you most times never know what unconditional love is until you feel it for your kids. So here I am. I've had family doctor and a relative and a couple friends tell me I'm an abused spouse. I basically in a nut shell married the female version of my father. So I had one of the worst fathers for dealing with OCD and then went on to marry the worst the same type in my wife. It will be a number of years before my girls can hit yhe leaving the nest stage, so I have a number of years left with the person who triggers my OCD. The second that time comes, I see a divorce lawyer. I wish that I had seen the right person for my OCD 20 years ago, so the divorce would be way in the rear view mirror but it didn't work that way for me. I'm asking anyone in a similar situation, in that you're with a person that triggers your OCD and you can't just leave. How do you cope, what things do you do....

I’ve wrote about this before but I’m doing so bad right now. I struggle with Pure O with a religious theme. Not so much scrupulosity, as much as just what feels like blasphemous thoughts against what I have believed to be true. Genuine questioning of faith is normal and actually I think it should be encouraged! But I feel like I’ve gone past that. I can’t remember the last time I went through a whole day without ruminating and googling information about my beliefs. It’s the first thing I start thinking about and it distracts me from everything that I try to do. I just want 100% assurance in what I believe but I can’t find that. Im searching for something that can’t be found. That doesn’t stop me from ruminating and devoting all of my energy to something that won’t be found. Any suggestions or help from Christian’s would be helpful

Some questions for y'all -when did this start for you? -how long has it been for you? -how real does it feel? -are you in a relationship? -whats your biggest trigger? -have you dealt with other themes - if so what? -is this your worst theme?

I have been sick lately with what I think could be bronchitis or something but I can’t afford to go to the doctor, and in times I’m sick or sad my grandma and my mom are two very different people (I’m 24 work full time and in college full time staying at home) My mom when I’m sick ignores me, gets mad at me, won’t ask me if I’m ok or if I need anything, does not support me and makes me feel worse than I already feel by making me feel hopeless and alone. I had told my grandma who stays downstairs in our house that I hadn’t eaten all day yesterday because I was upstairs asleep and she said I should of let her know so that way I didn’t have to be alone and could have support while I’m sick and she would have made me something to eat and put it by the door or something so I could eat (which I’m capable of making it on my own and the just the idea that she would of been there for me) Needless to say I don’t want to live here. My mom has always been emotionally distanced or detached whenever I tell her I’m upset, sick, mad or whatever she just gets so pissed off to the point of telling me I’m passive aggressively blaming her or it’s all in my head or threatens me, and so on. I can’t afford to live on my own but it hurts to feel like my mom hates me and I really do think she does because I refuse to ever have children one day and them feel the way I have felt my entire life. I feel like giving up when this happens because I feel like I’m alone and have no one who even cares. Just the idea of my mom hating me makes me just done. I wish I could get out but I’m stuck and I don’t want to leave my grandma and my cats too (which only me and my grandma take care of she doesn’t even get their food or give them water or litter). My mom has helped me money wise but it always comes back up in some way. Anytime I do anything for her comes back in an argument. One time I worked really hard to get everything cleaned in the house for her so her boyfriend could stay with us and she said it looked like nothing got done and she would just do it herself which hurt my feelings so much. Another time that really hurt my feelings is when I told her about the ocd and all it entailed especially a certain theme that has hurt me so much, she didn’t believe that I had ocd, she told me my room was a mess so their was no way I had ocd because she had clients that have ocd, and would continue to call me horrible names that were very triggering and hurtful. I told her I wanted therapy because I felt like I needed help she told me that I didn’t need it and then when my dad had cancer she supported him and told him that he could get a therapist which I understand and I miss my dad so so much because he supported me more than anyone, but I was so sad because I told her I needed therapy and she just didn’t care so I eventually got a therapist all by myself through NOCD and got diagnosed so now whenever I have a bad day she just tells me it’s “my ocd” or it’s “all in my head” so I don’t talk to her about it anymore and I wish I never did. I’m sorry to rant about all this but it has been weighing heavily on my heart and I have no one to talk to. I just really needed to get it out 💔

I can’t see any light at the end of this tunnel. I don’t deserve anyone in my life, I know for a fact I don’t deserve my bf and I can guarantee nobody would be with me if they can see inside my brain. I literally avoid calling him because I know I’ll just start crying on the phone. I just can’t get over any of this, I keep finding proof or evidence of being a p and it’s beyond distressing. I feel like I’m living an actual nightmare

what if god gave me this to punish me for everything i’ve done wrong in life and now he hates me and i’ll never get to see my family members who have passed again and i’ll never get to heaven?

Hi, I’m new here. I just started ERP therapy for relationship ocd and health ocd. Today I’m having a particularly rough day. I can’t get out of bed, can’t eat, etc. I found out that we may have to put my family dog down tomorrow, and my heart is broken. I emailed my therapist to let her know that I was particularly struggling, and she told me to stop throwing an “adult temper tantrum” and to not give into the distress and to force myself out of bed. While I do feel that there is some merit in her recommendations, I did not appreciate the fact that she referred to my experience as an “adult temper tantrum.” Does anyone have any advice or any similar experiences with therapists on here? It just made me feel a lot worse about myself.

When you’re struggling with OCD, connecting with others can be a great source of support. But frustratingly, OCD can foster feelings of loneliness, shame, and anxiety that lead us to withdraw from our relationships and self-isolate when we’re most in need of support. The good news is that we can change this pattern. Through developing our support systems, we can find the connection and understanding that are vital parts of every OCD journey. There are many ways for each of us to cultivate a sense of community and belonging. Other people with OCD, as well as those with a deep understanding of the condition, can be an especially powerful source of support, normalizing your experiences, helping you face challenges, and providing inspiration by sharing their own stories. Reaching out for connection can help us face OCD with emotional support, encouragement, and the knowledge that we’re not alone. Learn how connection can help you face OCD, and ways you can strengthen your support system.

Hello everyone, I am in need of some tips for ERP. I have been in therapy for a couple of months through NOCD and I have been having the hardest time doing ERP. I rarely do it in-between sessions. I am so afraid of my theme coming true but I am so sick of feeling anxious and sad. SO-OCD has truly ruined my quality of life and I just want to get back to feeling better. What are some of the things that help you when doing ERP for SO-OCD?

Yesterday i was checking my gallery, and i stumbled across an ai generated picture of a character i created, the ai pictured him with than skin and white hair. I felt like i didn't like the picture, and my mind obviously started (these are hard days, my obsessions don't stop): "YOU DON'T LIKE IT BECAUSE YOU ARE RACIST, YOU DON'T LIKE THE SKIN TONE", and i tried to fight this thought with: "Maybe you didn't like it because of the art style?", and the second one came in: "Maybe you don't like it because the hair color doesn't match with the skin tone?" The worst thing is that i kinda found logic in this second one, i felt like i kinda agreed, but moments after i thought: "That's not racist too? I CATEGORIZED HAIR COLOR BY SKIN TONE", i kinda spiriled into thoughts that only made my fear of being unconsciously racist becoming bigger, I LITERALLY send an audio to my boyfriend of a thought: "Right now i can't think of a hair color that doesn't match white skin", moments after i deleted the audio and i thinked: "Wow, that's so much WORSE, that's racist", but i had that thought because, when i was imagining a person with brown skin tone for checking, I IMAGINED A NON-ATRACTIVE PERSON FOR MY STANDARDS, and i spiriled so much worse: "Oh, no, I DON'T LIKE BROWN SKIN AND DIFFERENT FEATURES OF THE EUROPEAN ONES?!", The fact that i imagined an "ugly" person by my standards with the premise of "brown skin" killed me, and the rest of the day i was thought-checking trying to imagine that unattractive person with white skin to find out if i find it unattractive with another skin tone. In the night i continued with the obsession, and i tried to create a story in my head of an african woman in past times empowering and becoming a philosopher, or something like that. You guess it, that only made it WORSE, my thoughts and imagination went horrible and i imagined the worst stereotypical thing; TRIBES. I was imagining with native americans too, but i hate myself, because i was doubting: "Wait, how are the white skinned natives?" moments later i thinked of vikings and i just felt worse. I fell asleep, and i woke up with thoughts caming in, and even WORSE and hate thoughts, the thing that makes me feel more shameful is that the worst thoughts i inmediatly turn them off somehow and I repudiate them immediately, but the others i kinda tried to find them logic or deep inside me i thought: "Maybe they are not as bad", but i don't know, i'm afraid of having implicit racism and prefering white skin over brown skin, but in a pretty bad way, this is honestly hell

Does anyone else suffer through this and have advice on how to handle it? It's like I have a dream about security intimacy with another woman I know, but I clearly do not want that and never have wanted that with that person. I love my wife so much and I feel utterly guilty. Should I tell my wife? Or is that just compulsion for relief? I continue to think "what if I liked that feeling in the dream?" Or "you cheated because of this and because of past events." I've never been in an intimate relationship or really any relationship at all, and I know I would never cheat. Like I found girls attractive, but not like I want to have a real relationship with or have a sexual one with. Thoughts to help?

What do you when your OCD gets big again? When you have a bad flare up? The past few weeks have been so much more manageable and I’ve been so thankful about that. But yesterday, in true fashion, the OCD got bigger and scarier again. I think awful things about my health, dying, etc. Every sensation in my body is the craziest thing like cancer or some rare, awful disease. It feels SO REAL. And SO SO SCARY. To say I get terrified is an understatement. And then the rumination kicks in where I try to logically figure it all out. It’s so hard to manage at times even though I’ve been better. Has this happened to you? How have you gotten through it?