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Do you isolate yourself because of these thoughts? I am scared to go outside having these thoughts.I am scared to even go to a shop to buy something

I KNOW I AM NOT ATTRACTED. I just met that person in the middle of my So - ocd flare up and it has messed me up badly, they caught my attention because they were VERY weird and acted weirdly too. I was talking to them and out of nowhere a thought popped: "What if you just met your soulmate?" that immediately made me feel sick and disgusted, because I didn't even want to be friends with them. It's been so hard since that happened and bow everything triggers an intrusive thought about that person, I genuinely don't want to do anything to that person, not even approach them ever again. I must say this has happened with more people, not just with this specific person, but I can assure this one has been the one that has affected me the most. I need help, what do I do? I feel so bad and disgusted, I love my boyfriend with my whole heart and I feel like I'm betraying him. I feel very, very guilty.

I feel like i deserve a head full of pain because I’ve been so toxic and I’ve done things I’ve never been held accountable for so it feels like my punishment that I deserve

at a young age i was diagnosed w anxiety and ocd. i was on antidepressants, and eventually got off them and quit therapy. i recently started again, and my ocd has been insanely bad and anxiety has fired up a lot too. however i can’t shake the feeling something else is wrong with me. i feel like i feel emotions more than anyone else does. i feel so not normal. i think i might be crazy. i wonder if i’m bipolar or have bpd, like genuinely. but then i think, is this just my anxiety and ocd making me think i have this? but sometimes i genuinely really want to be evaluated. it’s like am i just looking for something to be diagnosed with? but i feel like anxiety and ocd shouldn’t make me feel ALL of this. so idk i’m kinda stuck. i feel like i’m making myself want to be diagnosed w something, but all i want is answers

I have plenty of stories that The dumbest I have is that while watching a “lofi chill beats study” video, someone in the live chat typed “how’s y’all’s day going?” And typed “poo poo caca caca” (ik) But then quickly deleted because some how in my brain-if I didn’t then then someone who doesn’t like me would appear use that one dumb message to track me down and hurt me and my family-all because I typed caca 🧍

So recently me and this guy broke up but not on good terms. He basically slowly stopped responding to me and eventually ghosted me. I’ve already sent him a message about how I felt and then blocked him. But I just can’t get over him. I thought he was going to be the one because he seemed like prince charming until this happened. For anyone out there that wants to answer, how did you get over someone you were really into? I can’t stop thinking about him and wondering why he did what he did. I remember noticing his replies getting slower and asked him if everything is okay and he said yes. And that he’s very interested in me. I don’t understand how you can ghost someone you’re interested in. When I am interested I want to talk to them all day everyday.

I just read someone who had hocd and he realize he was bi, and the worst is he said he was straight for 19 years, right now I feel I identify, and I feel like I'm about to have an "honest conversation" with myself

This may make someone uncomfortable. My brother and I have shared a room and bed for our whole lives. I’m a girl by the way. When I was 10 and he was 8, I very slightly pulled down his diaper to smell his fart when he was asleep. For some reason, I liked the smell of farts at that age and I don’t anymore. I’m really scared that I abused him. I told him about this and he doesn’t care and he said it’s not a big deal since we were young. But the guilt is eating me alive. I feel like I sexually abused my own brother. Just to be clear, I’m not attracted to him AT ALL. I never have been. The reason I’m so guilty is because he was asleep. And I don’t remember if I had done it for arousal or not. But if I did, then it would be sexual abuse. I would never ever do anything like this today. I looked it up on AI and it said that this was sexual abuse. I’m terrified. I’ve never ever had thoughts of abusing him and I’m scared that this could possibly be abuse. I haven’t been able to eat or sleep because I feel like I abused my own brother. I’ve had crippling anxiety all day and I’ve had several panic attacks. Please help me. And also please be honest. Am I an abuser?

I’m growing more open about my journey through ERP, and I had a significant moment I would like to share with this wonderful community. Back in August, I saw one of my favorite artists (NF, whose music touches on his mental health/OCD) live, for the first time. The day after the concert, I wrote in my OCD journal how sad I was that the concert was over (because during the concert, I felt free, and present, and not thinking about my disorder). I also wrote “Part of me knows as I keep doing ERP, I’ll have more happy & free moments.” On Saturday, I saw him live again. And the immense difference in my recovery between August through now, is a lot. Shortly before the August concert, I had a big backdoor spike, and I was spiraling. 6 days after the concert, I left an abusive relationship of 13 years. As we all experience, major life changes can really make your OCD harder. I was struggling mentally and emotionally over the breakup, which caused some new ocd thoughts to come up. I was resentful, tired, depressed, angry over how unfair it was to have to navigate a disorder on top of navigating a life change. I had to learn to rely on my support system, to accept help, and to really dig in to self-compassion. I sought a second therapist to process my breakup, while still seeing my NOCD therapist, so it was double the mental load. And now, despite all the hard times, I am stronger, 10 months later. And I am having so many more happy & free moments, and that’s because of my own grit and hard work, but also because of ERP. I love where I’m at in my life, for the first time. And this is after another spike a few months ago, and a depressive period in December. I went to the concert on Saturday with my best friend. I drove us there, when I couldn’t drive more than 20 minutes on the freeway last year without panicking. I was going to avoid driving over a bridge that scared me, but I went over it, not knowing if I was going to fling us off the road. I have never driven that bridge before, but I got tired of fear taking over. I was present over the weekend, and I loved hearing the music live. I wish I could say I’m healed™️, my OCD is gone, no more hard struggles. Of course, that’s not reality. Truthfully, I’m struggling this week-my job is insanely stressful, I’m tired, and I don’t have control over my workload. But this isn’t causing me to spiral like it would have before. ERP has helped me see that I can go through all my hard times. Do I hate hard times? Yes. Am I always hopeful and positive? Nope. But I share this to show that the hard times, the difficult exposures, aren’t always going to feel insurmountable. You’ll learn to navigate life with OCD, and it’s never too late for that life to be where you want. I’m in my 30s. I was diagnosed 2 years ago. And finding joy at this point in my life, when I couldn’t picture it for the longest time, is everything. And this is what gives me hope. Thank you for reading ❤️

Lately, I will do something, any small action and thought will get mixed in. A bit different than urges. For example, I moved my fork towards my mom slightly, and in between I had a thought that I was doing it to st*b her. Or, I will brush my teeth and if I drip water it feels like I'm doing it to contaminate others. Sometimes it shows up as feeling or thoughts and most of the time I cringe as soon as I realize. This is just worse because they're being mixed with my actions, and I'll question whether it was intentional or not. It also feels scarier to bring up to a professional in fear I'll get reported.

I had confession ROCD. i have confessed many small lies or stupid things i did at the very beginning of my relationship. i told him about one guy who i kissed in the past reaching out to me a year ago. i know that i told my bf this. yesterday, i thought about it again and my confession ocd made me re-tell him in case i forgot any details. well apparently he didn’t remember me telling him and he did not talk to me for 6 hours. now i just remembered another friend who used to flirt with me who texted me around that time. i genuinely don’t really remember if he ever texted me when me and my bf were actually dating. maybe once or twice. but it was around that time i stopped being friends with him. i KNOW i told my boyfriend about this. i remember having a convo w my bf about him. but, now i’m worried he forgot about it. or i’m worried i forgot to mention maybe his text was flirty, or maybe i got the timeline wrong when i told my bf. i feel like i need to re-tell him in case i missed anything, but i know it will cause another huge fight and we still haven’t fully recovered from the last fight. however, when he called me this morning i had a panic attack because i feel like i’m lying to him.

For someone looking for more hope today

I really don’t like it when OCD ruins excitement. Excitement is usually a rare feeling for me , but it feels like I’m walking on ice, trying not to let ocd “ruin” my excitement. 🙃

i’ve had a pretty good day after my harm thoughts relapse. however, i still will get this feeling of dread and state of panic when the thoughts try and take over my mind. i was in the bathroom brushing my teeth and it hit me hard for a minute, but now i’m okay. i just keep thinking about last summer and how i REALLY do not want to repeat that. i want to have a good summer. i don’t have a therapist and am not able to get one at the moment. i’m not even diagnosed and trying to get my mom to get me a call on here is not looking good. so i need advice on how manage that feeling because when i feel it coming on, i start to think about what if those thoughts, urges, and feelings will be my life for forever. that makes it so much harder to try and sit in the discomfort and let my thoughts just be thoughts while still proceeding on with my life.

has anyone else ever been so weighed down and exhausted by your own thoughts that you just break down and feel like everything is falling apart? i worry a lot about being poisoned or having an illness and today has been especially hard, not sure what to do anymore because i feel as if i have tried everything to stop the thoughts or distract them and nothing works anymore, really wanting some help 🫶🏼

There's no other way to explain it but it feels like I'm on the edge of losing my mind. I've been struggling for the past month a lot and my biggest fear now is schizophrenia. And every day it feels like I'm waiting to get it. I'm waiting to start hallucinations or psychosis to come. Obviously I don't want that at all I would do anything for that not to happen but because I'm so scared it feels like any second it could happen and like I'm waiting for it. Like I'm listening to music and I'm afraid I'm gonna hear something that isn't there. Or even looking around I'm afraid to see something that isn't there. I'm trying really hard to let the fear be, let the thoughts come, say maybe maybe not, try to not figure it out. But it's not helping I'm more and more scared and tired every day

I got engaged in December and will be marrying my best friend next year. We've been together a little over five years, and I know he is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. However, my SO-OCD and ROCD are making it very hard to enjoy my engagement. I seem to be triggered by everything, but it's especially bad this month. I'm so sad because this didn't start until I watched the bathroom coming-out scene from Stranger Things in 2022 and fell down this rabbit hole. I don't know what to do because the thought of being with a woman literally gives me nightmares, but the thoughts are still there and are so loud. I just want to enjoy my life with my soon-to-be husband, but this is making it so hard.

I’ve only been in ERP therapy for a few weeks. Recently I feel frustrated like it’s not working. I know I probably need to give it more time and that it may take quite a while but I’m looking for advice here. My therapist is doing a good job but I feel like I need to be doing different exposures. Right now we’re working on things more specific for someone with triggers like putting a belt around my neck, holding my gun in my lap all while saying I’m going to kill myself or I’m going to shoot myself. I don’t have specific triggers though. Mine are more mental and I feel like I need exposures that are going to help me because I constantly say “I’m going to kill myself” or just “kill myself.” Does this make sense?

Can anyone give me any tips on how to stop seeking reassurance. Once I start I can’t stop

I have been taking Clomipramine for over 2 months now, starting at 25 mg and titrating up to the maximum of 225 mg (of which I have been taking for 2 weeks now). I still do not feel any benefits as my OCD is still as strong as ever. I was wondering if anyone else has had similar experiences with clomipramine where it just took longer to get working. I should mention I am also doing ERP with NOCD as well. I had tried Fluvoxamine and Paroxetine prior to Clomipramine, both of which resulted in side effects that I could not managed. However, with Clomipramine, I have minimal side effects so I’m willing to stick it out. Any input is greatly appreciated.