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What do you all do when u have tried your tools and techniques and the panic has lasted for hours????

I've been dating someone for almost two months and I've recently started to struggle with rocd. It's a new theme for me, as I've never been in a relationship before (or at least not like this). I've been having intrusive thoughts like "what if he doesn't fall for me like I'm falling for him?", "what if he leaves me because of something I do or say, or just because I'm too difficult to deal with?", "what if I'm just a distraction and when he gets bored of me he'll leave me?", "what if he cheats on me?". These thoughts are really giving me a hard time. Everyone tells me to "take it easy" and not to worry but it doesn't help. My worries intensified after a discussion we had about polyamorous relationships and relationships in general. He's not polyamorous, but he has friends who are, and he says he finds the concept fascinating. I told him I do too (and it's true) but I could never be in a polyamorous relationship, not even an open one. We then talked about the seriousness of our relationship, and he said he doesn't think it will ever be too serious (note: we had this discussion like a month ago, and I'm pretty sure our relationship got more serious from then: for example, I met his close friends, he invited me to go to his house the next week, and most of all I had my first time with him; so what I think he meant is that this relationship will not be "too serious" like it's not leading to marriage lol). This led my ocd to make me worry about him not actually liking me, cheating on me because he doesn't really consider ours a "relationship", and all the intrusive thoughts I have described, although I know they are just irrational worries. I'm also dealing with a lot of stress these days so my ocd worries have intensified. I've been thinking about opening up to him about my struggles with ocd (he still doesn't know I have ocd), but I'm scared. Do you have any advice about dealing with rocd? I'm falling in love for maybe the first time, with someone who I genuinely believe likes me a lot and is falling for me too (even though ocd makes me doubt it), and I don't want to ruin everything. Sorry for the long post but I really had to get these thoughts off my chest :')

In my previous post i explained how due to my disgusting thoughts and feelings i have stopped engaging with the things i used to love such as my nice clothes, music, tv shows etc… This is because 1. i believe i dont deserve to enjoy these things and 2. i dont want them to be tainted by my terrible thoughts and feelings. Anyways, this has caused me to abandon a lot of the things i’ve received from people or i bought myself, Like a new JC tracksuit or a brand new camera i got for my birthday. I haven’t used these since my birthday (jun 7th) because i am terrified of ruining them. They’re infact my most prized possessions and my mum believe i hate them, im ungrateful and that i love wasting peoples money. I don’t. i just cant tell her why i don’t wear my nice clothes or branded fancy shoes because she wont believe me. I sound insane even trying to explain my behaviours rn. i hate the way i live. I don’t wanna be like this but i don’t wanna ruin my favourite things either. This rule applies to everything in my life. Oh as a side rule, once i ‘poison’ something i cant use it again. Recently i’ve been trying to break out of this habit by coming back to the things i once ‘poisoned’ but it makes me feel the same dirty way i did when i tainted it. It brings back all the bad memories and the things remains tainted forever. I fucking wish i could enjoy everything like i used to but i can’t. Its so difficult and i just feel like shit for it. I feel guilty about making my loved ones ‘waste’ their money and i don’t wanna be like this anymore. I haven’t listened to my favourite songs in months. I’ve been rotting in the same clothes for god knows how long and i haven’t been myself in a long time. The more i live like this the further i feel the things i love slip away, leaving me terrified of ever going back to engaging with them because they’ll get poisoned. I’m sorry if this post makes no sense but i just can’t deal with my mum making me feel so guilty all the time. I can barely speak about my feelings on here to people who understand and can sympathise with me let alone my mum who has no real idea how i feel and thinks my ‘ocd’ was a phase when i was 12 and just some joke.

hi there! so after i got together with my partner, i found out i have rocd :) it's excruciating and new to me, so i really have no idea how to fight it back. i constantly have thought regarding my feelings towards him bc what if i dont love him? what if I've been pretending all this time? what if i'm confusing love for something else? i also have a really hard time processing positive and happy feelings bc i usually get this punch in my gut, as if I'm not supposed to feel that good feeling (idk if you can relate). well that too makes me believe i dont love my partner and it's really really tiring because I can't stop doubting my feelings. yk how ocd is the doubt illness so I'm used to it, but i am so so so sure that i love him, I've never been so sure about something in my life and i literally doubt everything. but what if I'm just avoiding the truth, what if I won't admit to not love him bc i dont wanna hurt him? who knows anyways it's really exhausting and i could really do some advice. thank you in advace :)

How can we forgive ourselves for some really bad past decisions that affected a lot of the things ?

Hi guys. I'm asking for help on different ways of approaching groinal responses. Whenever I have intrusive thoughts, like really bad ones, I can feel my heartbeat "down there". I used to always associate it with arousal so now I just feel like I like thinking about the intrusive thoughts I've had about POCD and other stuff. It makes me take a shower everytime to "clean" myself but I need help because it's exhausting. Does a heartbeat down there always mean arousal? Do I make it happen because I just think "don't happen" a thousand times in my head?

Hi has anyone tried this medication before for OCD? I’ve been on it for just over two weeks and I feel like it’s made my POCD worse. I’m on 150mg btw.

I have been on this app and on treatment for almost a year now, and I am recovering, but I have recently started experiencing false memories- I feel like it’s my OCD trying to interfere more now that I am unbothered by my symptoms. Recently I have been having moments where I wonder if I had said something terrible to someone or if I committed an act, it feels so real but it’s never as vivid as a real memory. It’s like trying to remember a dream. It is okay, I know I wouldn’t have done any of those things.

I am so tired of waking up in the morning and being hit immediately by my OCD and anxiety. Literally, before I can THINK about anything it’s like something hits me in the face and all the thoughts and worries come crashing in my head and within about 3 seconds my body reacts and I get instantly fidgety, I feel nauseous and I feel panic setting in as if something horrible is about to happen. The first thing out my mouth is, Father, help me!🙏🏽 it’s all I can say because I’m so overwhelmed with waking up that way😢. I really don’t know how to help myself. I can’t remember the last time I’ve awaken and felt at peace or could just breathe and I mean years, decades even. I would love some tips on how to help myself with this.

What do you do? When you want to leave it all because you’re afraid you’ll hurt people

When i was about 19-20 i had this 16 year old acquaintance who i met through a friend. They were like a little sibling to me. Theyd ask me for advice since i was older, i’d help them etc! Was never sexual or anything and i had strict boundries about our relationship that nobody ever crossed. I started not doing amazing mental health wise and i noticed this person seemed to have a crush on me. I knew his dad and i wanted him to ask his dad something for me completely unrelated, it had to do with ROTC. I asked him because i knew he’d do it since he had a “crush on me”. Did i groom him? Or just manipulate him? Help:( i was groomed myself id never do that

I went to therapy a year ago for 8 months with my suicidal ocd, and i stopped going because many reasons and i feel guilt cause i might have been really angry and waywarded, even if i accept it that i was like that its okay it doesnt help cause then i jump into "that means what she told me was real". So what she told me was that i have suicidal thoughts but i also have ocd, and this just made me crazy and this is one of the reason i left therapy. I was so depressed when she told me this cause i thought i am actually suicidal. Since a year this comes back everytime, that she was right, im maybe suicidal i was just so wayward and anxious that i didnt wanted to face the pain. It happened too many times now i even thinking about going to another therapist to ask what to do with this cause it makes me feel guilt and panic. Saying maybe maybe not doesnt helps cause i think "but if she was right this doesnt helps cause i keep avoiding the real problem and i not face with it". It is so hard to face it and say she was right tho... it makes me feel so bad to think that i actually have suicidal tendecy... I keep having these thoughts even after doing recovery work so i question if its really ocd...

A couple days ago I was angry and had a really bad thought about someone and remember feeling like I liked it for those couple of seconds (I wasn't going to act on) and didn't think much about it afterwards like I completely forgot about it at the moment when I was upset. After I cooled down I felt like a psycho and feel so gross and wish I never had thought about it. I've been having anxiety bc I'm scared this means I'm some monster who's in denial. Ive been waking up with knots in my stomach. Im scared that this isn't OCD anymore. Is it still ocd?

Anyone have a real event / false memory but because you were drunk it feels even more scary? Mine has real details , false details and I don’t know what’s real.

For the longest time, I struggled with feeling like everyone hates me, even my own friends. It’s exhausting. I pay attention to every shift in someone’s tone of voice and body language, and I will overcompensate or compulsively apologize to people for no reason. It creates a lot of frustration and even resentment because I try so hard to be perfect for everyone that I end up disappointing myself when I realize certain people just don’t like me, even though I’ve done nothing to them. It wasn’t until this afternoon when I was crying to my manager about my coworkers coming together to talk about me in a bad light, even though I’ve done absolutely nothing to them personally. I never thought for a second that this may have been my OCD at play. I wasn’t aware of it until today, and I never thought my OCD would be connected to this obsession.

How do you handle it if there’s actually a chance you did something wrong? I have bad real event/false memory, though I don’t know how many are actually false memories. Anyway, when I was 19, I had a flirty relationship with someone who was 17. We kinda did this on and off for a while and we used to text a lot. I know at a few different points, we had a sexual relationship and it often came out through text, but I can’t remember when we did certain things. I don’t know if I broke the law or something and because this is such a serious matter, I feel like I’m dying inside. I don’t know what to do, there’s no proof of it because it was a few years ago now and even if there was I don’t think I’d go back and look which makes me feel like I’m a terrible person. What if I did something awful? Can someone give me some advice? I’ve been doing really well the past few days but then this came up and knocked me off my feet. It feels like there’s a real possibility I did something and I’m so terrified.

Hi all. Kinda freaking out here. It’s the girl with the dog here again. It’s 5:30 in the morning here and I am legit in a freak out. This is going to be long so please bear with me. My intrusive thoughts about my dog have gotten so bad even with ERP, I can barely function. I am constantly seeing in my mind her being chopped into pieces. Over and over again. And it’s like I suddenly become aware of different body parts that I’m seeing in this images, so if I am around her, I become aware that she has them, and it makes me feel like I’m so freaked out I’ll do something to her because I’m freaked out by them. It’s usually her neck, or her internal parts, etc. I get near her, get reminded, and all these images start coming and it feels like I’m being pulled/will do these things. All day every day. Not to mention the fact, that I consciously think of the thoughts and sometimes still feel like I’d do them. It feels like I’m actually considering doing these horrific things. And I have different feelings that go with them - physical sensations, urges, etc. It puts her in every horrible violent situation and makes me feel like I’d actually do these things to her (i.e - see her being pulled apart - I get a weird feeling in my chest with these thoughts that feels like I’d actually kind of black out and do them or be okay with it; almost like a sense of dropping calm thought my body?!). I ate meat today and it made me think of someone doing that to her - and made me feel like I would - and would be okay with it. Sometimes I get these waves of this feeling that it would be no big deal or I wouldn’t care. Frankly, I’m freaking out. I feel like I will actually end up acting on these thoughts. The longer this goes on the more I feel like that. I also feel like I don’t care about her anymore and that scares the living shit out of me because then I feel like I don’t value her and that it wouldn’t bother me to act on them. I have loved this dog for 8 freaking years. What the hell is wrong with me?!!! I feel like my thoughts about her are SO much more violent and the rest of it is just so off - I then start scouring the internet for stories of people with harm ocd, and instead found a story of a guy who went into psychosis and killed his pet. Which of course makes me feel like with everything I’m seeing and already feeling…let’s just say it didn’t help. Am I a lost cause??! Is my dog unsafe with me? I feel like she is. I don’t sleep anymore because of these thoughts so I’m literally up all night watching tv because I’m so scared and convinced that I will do these things. I don’t understand what happened.

Hi all. Kinda freaking out here. It’s the girl with the dog here again. It’s 5:30 in the morning here and I am legit in a freak out. This is going to be long so please bear with me. My intrusive thoughts about my dog have gotten so bad even with ERP, I can barely function. I am constantly seeing in my mind her being chopped into pieces. Over and over again. And it’s like I suddenly become aware of different body parts that I’m seeing in this images, so if I am around her, I become aware that she has them, and it makes me feel like I’m so freaked out I’ll do something to her because I’m freaked out by them. It’s usually her neck, or her internal parts, etc. I get near her, get reminded, and all these images start coming and it feels like I’m being pulled/will do these things. Not to mention the fact, that I consciously think of the thoughts and sometimes still feel like I’d do them. It feels like I’m actually considering doing these horrific things. And I have different feelings that go with them - physical sensations, urges, etc. It puts her in every horrible violent situation and makes me feel like I’d actually do these things to her (i.e - see her being pulled apart - I get a weird feeling in my chest with these thoughts that feels like I’d actually kind of black out and do them or be okay with it; almost like a sense of dropping calm thought my body?!). I ate meat today and it made me think of someone doing that to her - and made me feel like I would - and would be okay with it. Frankly, I’m freaking out. I feel like I will actually end up acting on these thoughts. The longer this goes on the more I feel like that. I also feel like I don’t care about her anymore and that scares the living shit out of me because then I feel like I don’t value her and that it wouldn’t bother me to act on them. I have loved this dog for 8 freaking years. What the hell is wrong with me?!!! I feel like my thoughts about her are SO much more violent and the rest of it is just so off - I then start scouring the internet for stories of people with harm ocd, and instead found a story of a guy who went into psychosis and killed his pet. Which of course makes me feel like with everything I’m seeing and already feeling…let’s just say it didn’t help. Am I a lost cause??! Is my dog unsafe with me? I feel like she is. I don’t sleep anymore because of these thoughts so I’m literally up all night watching tv because I’m so scared and convinced that I will do these things. I don’t understand what happened.

I told my therapist about my childhood, I told her about the things I didn't wanna think about but was always in the back of my mind leaving me with guilt and disgust, I finally talked about those memories of doing things as a kid that I shouldn't have been doing with other kids, even with other kids in my own family. It's always been hard for me to think about because of how disgusting it makes me feel, but I finally had the strength to talk about it I felt so relieved that I said it all out loud, and it turns out I was just an unsupervised and curious child looking for attention from other people my age For a long time this has massively affected my pocd because of how much I think about those times, at the time it felt good but it's conflicting because I was a child back then and so where the others, I thought I was a pedophile for thinking about it so hard, I wanted to apologize to all of the others, although it was all consensual, it was still easier to blame myself fully and in my head I made myself out to be some kind of predator when I wasn't at that age and I'm not one now, I just felt guilty. Guilty about exposing the others to things that I was exposed to by other kids. I think the worst thing that came out of it for me was when I was chatting with someone on Omegle and they told me to do something very inappropriate even though they knew how old I was and I did it, even though I knew I shouldn't have, and then they just left. I still struggle with pocd, I get triggered when people make jokes about me, implying that I'm a predator (me and my friends make obviously bad jokes to each other and exaggerate, they'd never actually call me or anyone that lightly, just to make things clear because I know that sounds AWFUL but it's like "oh you like this kids show? Guess you must be a pedo😵‍💫🤢" and wed say it in an obviously stupid way to let everyone know that it's a joke and it's kinda like mocking people that actually say things similar to that, I'm sorry for explaining the joke too much this probably makes it look even worse than it is 😭😭) And I get highly defensive, and then I think that everyone thinks that I'm a predator like I just did with that little rant explaining a stupid joke, even now It's still hard because I never want people to misunderstand me, I always try to clarify what I say and make sure I can't possibly be misunderstood, probably to an obsessive extent which is why there's an O in POCD lol It WILL get easier for me, and hopefully one day I won't feel like I'm on trial all the time because of my own brain, I will admit though, it was hard admitting this on a public platform, but I have to remember that people are more understanding than I give them credit for, if I saw a post like this then I'd understand, so I'm sure other people will too, and if they don't? I can always obsessively explain everything I said in detail!!

I need someone to talk to i feel like i’m the worst person in the world cause i did something terrible when i was 18, i hurt someone i love cause i was stupid and selfish and i felt scared and so sad… i don’t know if i’m a horrible person but i would never do that again