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I feel like I have OCD and have for 30 years. I'm always arguing with myself wether I have OCD or not what should I do ?

I’m 29F. Does anyone else have a phobia of mice? If so how do you cope with it and survive knowing that they are in your house? Even if I do not see them every day. I don’t have an infestation luckily. But for over 1.5 years I lived in my house and never saw one myself. My bf would deal with traps and all I ever saw was droppings. It made me anxious but it felt better to have help. Then all of a sudden at beginning of September, I’ve had 3 sightings, in the kitchen, the living room, and the bedroom. Now all those rooms feel unsafe to me. Especially after 7pm when the sightings occurred. I haven’t been able to truly relax in these rooms in the evening or at night in over a month. And I tend to avoid them. This is really getting in the way of how I participate in our household and we have a puppy who spends most of his time in the living room. So I am not helping with him enough in the evening. It’s causing big problems in my relationship and I feel so much guilt and shame. But the intrusive thoughts about the mice are so bad and the fear that I might see one again is consuming me. I’m hyper vigilant and it’s almost like I have ptsd. I can’t live like this anymore.

Hey everyone, I’ve shared a lot on here about my severe harm ocd surrounding my loved ones and especially my most beloved one; my french bulldog. I’ve been in therapy for months and it hasn’t helped, and I’m at the point I’m 100% sure I want to harm her, don’t love her anymore and will never be able to be normal with her again. It feels like I’m holding myself back all day every day from something I actually want to do - if I think about it or get the intrusive thoughts, they feel like my own and like I want them. I get thoughts that I’m scared of her insides and that she has them and my heart pounds/I get nauseous over that often. Which in turn convinced me that I actually do have a reason Even though it never bothered me or even crossed my mind pre diagnosis. I’m getting constant feelings over my own feelings of liking this, being capable of it, or even wanting it and not wanting to get better or have her back. Even though that’s the ONLY thing I ever wanted in my life. She was the most important thing to me - did I really just stop loving her? Has anyone else ever hit this point and gotten better? Or do I give my pup away and give up. I never, EVER thought I would be in a place like this with her. Ever.

So I made a mistake. 3 years ago and it's been haunting me since. I didn't hurt anybody or anything. But I crossed a boundary and I know it was wrong. Basically I am in a long term relationship and I had a crush on this barista. And I definitely went out of my way to talk to him and dressed cute hoping he would notice. I used it as a confidence booster, I liked the attention. And I didn't plan on taking it any further. All together we spoke max 10 minutes together, normal casual talk. I snapped out of it 3 days later and changed my coffee place. And horrible cheating ocd came out of it. But still, I did act on my crush - I went out of my way to talk to him and dressed cute. That I know was wrong and I won't do it again. But the guilt is eating me alive! Any advice? :(( I keep spiraling and asking myself what if, what if

But how do i know if its cheating or my ocd overthinking?! We ran out of condoms pretty quick because i thought we had a 12 pack and he said no it was a 6. In that case it made some sense as I’m pretty sure we used 5 and maybe he lost one, but then today he found another 2 in his car which he forgot were there once we purchased a new box That would make the total 7 not 6 which means he would have bought a 12 pack?! Somethings not adding up- he either is cheating and bought a 12 pack OR i mis calculated What do i do?!

My ex sent me paragraphs and paragraphs the other day because I was being disrespectful, hurtful and immature, when all I did was try to make sure he was okay, stop people from saying rude and hurtful shit and say he didn’t deserve for his new gf to cheat on him even though the pain I felt might be his karma. His new gf has completely thrown the truth and said I was saying horrible shit when Infact she was the one saying it to other people. As well as this seeing the one person I wanted to be friends with after the situation ended but couldn’t I had some heartfelt feelings of genuine concern, I unblocked him as a way of saying if you need a friend I’m there for you, but it didn’t come across that way because his gf said I’d only just blocked her when that wasn’t true I’ve had them both blocked for months and then he started attacking me saying basically I wanted to get back with him when that’s not the case because I’m seeing someone else atm. I told him it over and over that I just want to be friends and that in my mind was the first start to unblocking because there’s no need for the animosity, but he just kept blaming and blaming and blaming me which hurt beyond anything because I was genuinely only trying to be nice after all I’ve been through is insane of me and everyone that night said that I had too big of a heart. How am I meant to go on now thinking everyone is gonna judge me when all my friends said that they would never think that. It’s painful in my head rn, what am I to do

I cant even feel anything I havent been able to cry, im like completely detatched and whenever i cry i feel like "what if im just faking it", i dont even know how to feel, i know the intrusive thoughts are ike i dont want to have at all and this isnt me, just a fee days ago i was fine and didnt even think of anything remotely close to thing, its getting so convincing and i dont want to be a bad person, i just want to cry and let ut all out but i cant, and my brain keeps telling me "well uour numb so you must like the thoughts" does anybody have advice, i just want to feel like myself again, this is genuinly so bad and im having a really hard time, i feel so empty and ive been stuck on this for a few days now, a couple of weeks ago i was sobbing over the same theme and it came back just 2 or 3 days ago also j think im starting to have false memories that are scaring me, idk its just a guess hut i think theyre startibg ti show uo a little. im so so so tired and i just want this rough bit over with, i want to feel kike me again, i barely feel alive rn this is just a repost of what i said on reddit but nobody ever responds and i really am so tired of this and i dont want to be a p word

Hey folks, I’m asking for advice on how to go about this situation! So, ever since last year (my first year riding the bus) I’ve sat in the same spot on the bus. 4 seats back on the left when walking in, but on the right when seated. The seat right in front of the escape window. This is my second year on this bus and so far I’ve been in this seat. But two days ago a random new freshman sat there. In the mornings specifically. I have been the first person on the bus for the past year so I’ve never had anyone in my spot before. I’m almost certain they will be on the bus the rest of the year. Now this doesn’t seem like a big deal, it’s a seat I know. But the way my brain works, I NEED to be in that seat. 4 is a safe number. Sitting there will make my day a light one in my eyes. And it’s the left to enter. Left/rights have the same effect on me that numbers do. “Good and bad” Sitting anywhere else in the bus makes me feel dirty. I can’t explain why or how. That’s how my brain works. I feel gross on the inside and out. And cannot have a peaceful ride. I want to know what I should do.. I’ve come up with the idea of talking to the freshman. I’d see them and be like “Hey, would you mind switching spots with me? I have OCD and this seat has been my safe spot since last year. Sitting anywhere else really messes with my head” but I’m scared of coming off as a petty or weird person… My friend jokingly said “just sit on them” like act like I didn’t notice them, and keep doing it till they move??? Idk Or do I just suck it up and ignore this as best as I can?? It’s only been two days and it’s eating at me. Help is needed

okay guys i’m kind of worried. me and my finance just recently got engaged. well about 3 months ago or so i was watching a documentary about a man who killed his wife and kids so he could start over with a new women. i’m so scared that i would do something like that just to keep from losing him. i know i don’t want to hurt him but it worries me so bad. also im on zoloft and i feel like my intrusive thoughts don’t worry me as much which makes me worry that im not worrying enough😭 what do i do?

Hi all. I’m writing here to see if anyone can relate to this, I’m just trying to get a grasp on understanding my symptoms. I experience what I like to describe as “visual contamination OCD”, where I don’t really feel the typical simplified “afraid of germs” OCD for the most part, only really when it’s visual. For example, taking a shower in a tub that’s visibly stained or dirty, seeing hair or stains on surfaces. It has made life even harder for me and it feels shameful to try to talk about it. I can’t even use towels after the shower because I can see and feel the lint and little fuzzies from the towel on my body. I don’t know if this all stems from my childhood, but either way it feels like my life is now run by it. Anyone experienced anything similar?

I just can’t let go of the fact that I don’t know my sexual orientation for sure. I am seeing a guy right now and I think we are going to make it official soon and it’s everything I’ve ever wanted it feels unreal. We clicked so much and our connection resonates with quotes I’ve saved from romance novels like it’s so unreal. But my soocd latches onto specific individuals and colleagues that I see regularly which makes it feel so real. I also have roocd and nitpick things he does and jump to conclusions about how he feels about me even though he communicates to me his feelings. The longer we go without seeing each other the more anxious I get but I also over analyze things when were together and it’s horrible I just want to enjoy this relationship and see where it goes I have never clicked with someone like this. I just have this fear that I’m being inauthentic or trying to suppress my true sexuality even though at the most I would be bisexual so it wouldn’t even change how I feel about him. But I don’t know what to do anymore I have never thought about labeling myself differently from straight until someone told me my friend and I came off that way. It’s consuming me and getting in the way of this connection even though I genuinely don’t want to explore with women and I struggle to believe that my ocd is even real or if I’m just making it up as an excuse and I’m truly just in the wrong relationship and meant to be with a woman. I also am a spiritual individual and I feel like we were meant to cross paths like I feel like he truly is just who I’m meant to be with which puts more pressure on it and makes it distressing. Please help

Trying to accept that these thoughts are there is extremely difficult as essentially it feels like agreeing with them even though I don’t. I can recognise that I am going through ocd and I do feel lucky in the sense I know it’s not just me and it is a disorder but actually it just doesn’t stop that doubting thought worm. I am in the process of seeking help and holding onto the hope that it can get better but I can’t help but notice when I have a happy moment when socialising I reflect and think wow I can actually enjoy myself regardless of this, my brain is then immediately taken hostage and is tells me u can’t be happy because remember this awful thought you have and immediately pulls me down, I try not to let it effect me but it is so depressing it just takes everything joyful away from me and manipulates it to be ruined. I’m so sick tired of it, or even a past memory it just steals it and reminds me I can’t enjoy life in the same way anymore. will this gloom ever reside?

TMI, sorry! I bought an adult one usage toy from Amazon. I noticed that the seal was already cut but I’m thinking it was a production line defect because the area where it is cut is where the cap and and the other piece of the toy connect. It’s definitely too precise for a human to cut evenly, the circumference of it. But long story short I didn’t think much of it cause it definitely looked clean. Little dry lube cause it comes prelubed. Before using it I washed it and used rubbing alcohol and lubed it again just to be on the safe side but now my brain is telling me to go get tested for STD’s because what if someone used it from the factory or at Amazon and that’s why it’s open. I’ve been sitting with the uncertainty but then it also feels like a serious matter so now. I don’t know what to do! I’m lost. Plus I’m super embarrassed and ashamed to go get tested just cause I think a toy may have been used because it was opened. It’s going to sound dumb if they ask me why I want to get tested.. Big ol sigh. What do I do?

The thoughts are coming in like rapid fire. And I’ll be fine for a minute and they are back again the next minute. Scarier and more intense. It legit feels like I am losing my mind.

This is a question that I’m sure is going to sound like a typical proof that I DO, in fact, have ocd. But hear me out. My OCD has surrounded my puppy. Harm OCD, to be exact. What started as images I knew were intrusive, has turned into constant images, feelings and urges when I look at her that I can’t tell if they are intrusive anymore. When I think about the future with her, which is all I ever wanted, it feels like I don’t want it anymore. And sometimes like I don’t care or want her anymore. And that what I really want is to act on the thoughts. What if, because of this, these are real? What if because the OCD traumatized me so badly, I don’t actually love her and want her anymore and will never see her the same way?What if I actually don’t want to get better and want to hurt her because of the way I feel now? What if I’ve become this person and suddenly don’t want everything that was so important to me? I know these are all what if, which is textbook ocd, but it feels like they’re actually true. Please help me figure out what the odds are of this.

I’m hoping someone else can relate to this. I think I have seasonal depression. This happens every year around this time. I always say autumn and winter are my favorite seasons, but I think I just prefer the weather; the mental toll is soul crushing. I feel so insignificant and lonely. I feel like the most insignificant person in my friend and family’s lives. I don’t think they worry about me or often think about me and I don’t get invited to things very often. I don’t know how to not feel like the biggest, most worthless piece of shit in the universe. I don’t know how to change. I thought my anxiety meds would help but they don’t touch this feeling. The B12 vitamins, either. Does anyone have any advice? I don’t think I feel suicidal, just like no one cares about me as much as I care about them. Every year. Gosh I hate this disease. I feel like I live in a completely different reality from everyone else. Sorry this is a long post and I said a cuss word. Okay bye. Thank you.

I was in a relationship for 11 months, we couldn't really get along but I loved him and I met his family and all so it was a big step and my longest relationship ever however he did a lot of things which made me question it, when I was experiencing ocd for the first time he tried helping me but he got fed up and irritated by it and he would play the game and show me no attention so I knew he wasn't the one for me but I loved him anyway, we broke up and I met my first love and I moved on into another relationship without healing I guess because I always healed like that but truthfully I knew it didn't heal 100% , now in this relationship I keep thinking about my last relationship which comes with guilt and not only that but my ocd latched on to that because I fear going crazy so I had a intrusive thought such as "What if I go crazy because of a boy " and the reason for that thought is because I asked what happened to someone that's "mentally ill" and he is homeless and I asked and someone told me he went "crazy" because his girlfriend left him and moved to another country with everything they both worked on so he lost his mind because of it and I was scared that would happen to me which led me to get scared I might go crazy too because of my break up and I'm so scared and I'm torn between being alone ( one of my biggest fears) and heal from everything n learn how to love myself or idk.

I know I need therapy. I have a flare up every three months that rocks my world— it’s been like this for four years. I’m just too scared. I’m too scared to have a therapist tell me I’m a lesbian. I’m too scared to do ERP and have it not work because it wasn’t actually OCD. I’m too scared for the ERP to work and me finally feel comfortable with being bisexual or a lesbian. I don’t want any of that to happen. I don’t understand how I can get over this and still be straight. I’m petrified at the thought of therapy, but what is going to happen to me?

Join us in raising awareness, fostering education, and breaking the stigma this #OCDweek! Special guest and NOCD partner Alegra Kastens, LMFT, founder of the Center for OCD, Anxiety and Eating Disorders, will be hosting an Ask Me Anything (AMA) on OCD right here in the NOCD community. Ask Alegra your questions in the comments below, and she’ll respond to as many as she can inside the NOCD app during our AMA this Thursday, Oct. 17th, at 6 PM ET / 5 PM CT / 3 PM PT. Don’t miss this opportunity, exclusively for NOCD community members!