Welcome to
the NOCD Community

Just all social media, the white and black thinking is just horrible and makes me spiraling a lot. Specially when I read comment like, If you dont think the same then you are *insert something horrible * I struggle a lot with moral scrupulosity so the cancel culture the anonymous comment etc just makes my anxiety go high I am trying to sit with the discomfort and continue doing what I am doing but it feels bad I want to be more flexible with myself and the world but it is so difficult I am not going to delate my social media because I want to be able to manage this anxiety withow having to avoid thinks I like I dont want to change what makes me happy in a intention to calm this horrible feelings But it is so difficult Thinks are better but low moments hits hard

I'm in the bathroom rn and I left class just too post this 😭😭 my teacher said some shit that scared ME so bad. She literally keeps saying shit that's triggering my ocd so bad, and it got my friend really anxious too. See I don't listen to wholesome music most of my music is about murder, or abuse stuff like that. She straight up told my class that if u listen to dark music like that u can end up that way. I am so pissed off. My moms got ahold of her too, she started arguing almost with me and my friends because we literally tried to tell her no it does not. She said "scientific studies prove" and I'm fucking scared as shit and my mind already has the fear of going insane because of my music. So now I'm sweating head down and I'm super pissed to say the least. It was almost as if she was tryna scare the kids. She says shit all the time that triggers it and it gets me SO pissed off. I'm so like stressed rn today was going good now it's going fucking down :(

This is just a petty rant, but has anybody else had this experience where you tell someone you have OCD and their response is “Really? 🤨 YOU?” I’m a pretty disorganized person. Cleaning isn’t easy for me, I’m not good at prioritizing small details, and my physical presentation is acceptable but not excessively neat by any means. So sometimes when I’ve told people who know me that I have OCD, they almost don’t seem to believe me, because their image of someone with OCD is “clean freak (but only in a convenient and acceptable way).” Things like cleanliness and symmetry have never been themes of mine. I’m sure those who have it can attest to the fact that those types of themes are very much not pretty up close, but the popular concept of OCD seems to encompass only that theme and only in “cute” ways. Like when people go “I’m so OCD haha I have to keep my car super clean!” And it’s just so frustrating, because it feels like people think you’re making it up if you don’t have whatever they’re looking for from your mental illness. It feels like they look at me and my messy spaces and go “If you had OCD, you would be more organized than this, so you probably don’t have it.” I developed religious OCD when I was seven. I mentally ‘erased’ sinful thoughts and raised my hand to get saved every Sunday because I was always afraid I didn’t mean it enough last time. I developed suicidal OCD at twelve. I hid pills from myself in the back of my dresser and refused to be home alone and laid on my floor for hours completely still because if I didn’t move I couldn’t hurt myself. I developed POCD at seventeen. I looked away from every commercial with a child in it, monitored every sensation in my body, hid in bathrooms during family gatherings because I thought I might be dangerous in a way I didn’t even know I was. I developed home invasion OCD at nineteen. I checked every lock day and night, kept a knife under my pillow, slept on the bathroom floor because I was sure if I opened the door someone would be on the other side waiting to hurt me. I developed existential OCD at twenty one. It’s been two years. I’m not a Christian anymore. I don’t want to be. I’ve found something different that makes me happier. I wonder every day if I’m demon possessed. I look for answers and find that everyone says they have them but nobody can prove it. I sit alone in my bedroom and beg for mercy from a god I don’t believe in, just in case. I almost want to die sometimes, but I can’t, because if I die I’ll get my answers, but if I’m wrong about what I believe I’ll fast track myself to eternal suffering. I look at my loved ones and their spectrum of beliefs with suspicion. Who of them is manipulating me? Who is being puppeteered by something evil? Who is just…wrong? If I could trust myself, I would, but I can’t. This is what OCD is for me. For a lot of us. This mental illness doesn’t exist to make our cars prettier for people without it to look at.

This is a repost ------ Imagine your mind is like a house on Halloween night. Intrusive thoughts are like persistent trick-or-treaters knocking at your door, with thier silly and scary customs. At first, you might feel compelled to answer, just as you would with kids in costumes asking for candy. You try to be polite, explaining you don’t have any treats, but they just stand there, waiting. If you keep responding, they’ll keep knocking. But if you turn off the lights and ignore the doorbell, eventually, they’ll get the message and move on. They might even tell others not to bother knocking because no one’s home. Treat intrusive thoughts the same way. If you react to them, they’ll keep coming back. Instead, let them knock without opening the door. With time and no reaction from you, they’ll give up and fade away on their own.

**long post, sorry, need advice so if anyone could help, I’d really appreciate it, thank you** So I’ve been a little anxious and mad at my boyfriend lately since I found out he’s voting for trump in the upcoming election. I’m voting for kamala for a lot of reasons but I also simply don’t like trump one bit. (I’m not considered a democrat or liberal either, I’m neutral with stuff, but not with anything trump stands for). We’ve been together for almost 2 years so I already knew my bf aligned more with the Republican Party rather than democratic, but that wasn’t really a problem for me since I think that both parties have their issues, and he’s mainly neutral with a lot of topics, and so am I. And we’re not really political people either, but this is our first time voting in a presidential election so ofc we talked about it and he said he was voting trump bc he wants the economy fixed. And I agree with the economy but I don’t like a lot of the things that trump says and the fact that he 🍇’d a woman, and everything with abortion, so it threw me off. And then I started to research more and found out that trump wouldn’t fix the economy, he’d make it worse, and when he was president before, we were under obama’s tax plan so that’s why the economy was so good. But anyway, after learning more and more, I started to grow angry at my bf cuz I just don’t see why he’d vote someone who would actively take away my rights if given the chance. I’ve tried talking to him about this and he understands where I’m coming from, and agrees with me that a lot of stuff that trump says and does is ridiculous, he’s not even a trumpie at all, and my bf isn’t against abortion either, he’s told me himself that if people should be allowed to carry guns, we should be allowed to do what we want with our own bodies. And all that makes me feel better, but he’s so focused on the economy and the fact that he just doesn’t believe that my rights would be stripped away, he just thinks that the government wouldn’t allow that to happen. And I tell him that they definitely would, but idk he just doesn’t believe it. He told me that he’s mainly voting for the Republican Party rather than trump, and that statement made me feel better at one point but regardless, the vote is still going to trump so it just rubs me the wrong way. It also doesn’t help at all that I keep seeing TikTok’s and tweets of people saying “if your partner loves you so much, why are they voting for someone that would take your rights away?”, saying to break up, etc., and that really freaks me out because of my rocd. I know my bf loves me and he wouldn’t want anything to happen with my rights, but I think he’s so oblivious to that the fact that there’s a possibility that bad things can happen. He doesn’t think anything will happen and everyone’s being dramatic, but I guess he’s not so skeptical about the government. I’m just hoping that kamala wins so I can move on from this, but if trump wins and he takes away womens’ rights, just like I thought he would do, I don’t see how I could ever forgive my bf. I would just hope that he’d admit he was wrong and actually understand, but it’s also sucks that something would have to happen in order for him to believe that any bad thing can happen. And I know that if trump loses, he won’t be able to run again after this, and that gives me some peace of mind, but now it’s freaking me out that if someone comes along in the Republican Party, that’s similar to trump, I feel like my bf would vote for them and it’d be the same thing every election. Idk I’m thinking too far ahead. I guess I just needed to vent about this, it’s all confusing, idk if anyone can relate, or has any advice (that isn’t to break up with him).

The app just informed me, that your post we had currently been using to talk, got deleted. In case you want to talk further about the topic, please let me know.

Sitting on a machine at the gym and worry another man just used the chair and inworry bout groinals. I adjusted my feet which caused more groinals. I know its ocd and dont want the groinals and me shifting doesnt mean anything

I want to let everyone here know that even if ur the “bad” person u think u “are” i still love you. Not that i would be okay with ur actions (depending on what they are) and part of me may not like you anymore but in someways I will still love you. Because you exist, you matter, man. Everyone here are human beings, y’all are more complex than ur good or bad thoughts and actions.Y’all’ve gone through so much and still do. Y’all are still human, and ik most people don’t agree with this take but I truly think no one deserves to be tortured on this earth, this lifetime. Not saying people don’t deserve consequences for their actions or that the consequences should be fine and dandy. I just don’t see a point in making someone else suffer even if they made others suffer, like as much as I want my abusers to suffer and I still do, for me atleast it’s like, they are still humans and they deserve to better themselves and hopefully they do. Even if they don’t well, that sucks, but for me, hating them and wishing them the worst has unfortunately done nothing good for me and plus I don’t like to hate anyone and it only ends up making me hate myself in the end weirdly enough. And dw I don’t want any of you to stop hating your abusers if hating them benefits you, in fact keep on hating on them if u need or want to! And im not here to make you think they don’t deserve to suffer either, again keep thinking that if it makes you happy. My point is that extending empathy to these people is somewhat helping me extend empathy to myself and I wanna lyk I’m always here for everyone because I will always recognize everyone’s humanity, you will always have my empathy even when you can’t always give that to yourself. I hope everyone can find some way to give that empathy to yourself in a way that is most authentic to you!

Today has been, not ideal, but better maybe? I actually was able to spend the night at a friend’s house. We went to a haunted house place, I was dressed as Mario. I kept getting these thoughts, what if I was uncomfortable with the Mario costume? It was very distressing. Halloween has been hard for me since I started my whole OCD journey. Last year, halloween was hard because my Harm OCD was at its peak. Halloween and scary movies would really trigger my thoughts. This year my theme has been identity typically pertaining to gender. Picking my costume was very triggering because I would look at the female costumes and I would be like “Do you want to wear those?” or “You want to wear a girl costume.” it was VERY hard. I’ve also been struggling with this crippling derealization, i’ll look around me and things just.. don’t feel right. They don’t feel real. My head is constantly spinning and honestly i’m just tired. And my question is, why? Why do these things happen to us as people? We’re given a gift, a chance at life, a chance to find all the beauty in every corner of our lives and yet we are plagued with a curse that most people don’t have to endure. Everyone has their issues.. everyone has their battles and endeavors. But why is that? Why do we struggle so much? What makes it worth it? I fight to survive, I grasp on to little shimmers of hope with my life. But it all fades.. and it’s back into the abyss. It’s overwhelming how insignificant our problems can be in the grand scheme of life.. I’m only 16, people say these are the glory days, the days I will remember and cherish for the rest of my life. And yet, I’m living in constant torture. Constant pain, questioning, and suffering.. There was a point in time where I was so connected spiritually too. Where I felt like God heard me. I felt Him.. but lately I don’t feel that way. My psychiatrist and my mom think that this is me just self-sabotaging. And for all I know they may be right. All I know is I am tired of this. I am tired of every minute of my day being taken and controlled by OCD. I hate anxiety, I hate depression, I hate OCD, I hate it all. It makes me feel weak and futile. There was also a point in time where I saw the good in everything. I saw the light. When I was younger I was the friend that people could talk to when they needed a boost. Now I can hardly keep myself together. I miss the person I was. I miss that Landon. I miss that boy, who was kind, and optimistic, and tried his best in school and didn’t constantly question every aspect of living and only saw the good in everything and even people. I feel helpless, scared, and most of all alone. TOCD has been worse for me than harm. This theme has warped not only my identity but my sense of reality, my sense of hope, my sense of self. I just hope the Lord has a plan for me, that he’s working through me for something great..

When I was a child I remember being very social. More than I ever would be now. I tried to make friends and I think I did but there were also times where I was shut down, and bullied. I never liked confrontations with people and I still don't. If someone says something about my in the background I'll just act like I didn't hear it because I just don't want trouble. I distinctly remember a time where on my way to class I was shoved but pretended to not notice it. There was a time where a group of people made it clear they didn't like me. I remember the negative ways other students and even teachers treated me. I've had some teachers that I feel legit did not like me and made it clear passive aggressively. I don't know why this stuff continues to stick with me in adulthood. I don't know if it's OCD or not that makes this so. I did not like high school and I don't like things that remind me of it. I remember in my freshman year where I felt like I couldn't fit in with anyone because of my interests, which is probably why I'm so insecure about the things that I like. I just couldn't relate with most people until I found my group of people much later on. I had problems standing up for myself unless I was angry enough to do so. I didn't open up that much with others and I just kept to myself in classrooms. I just remember certain people picking on me once in a while and I just didn't know why. It makes me feel like a joke. A loser. Or that I'm not good enough. With very little time, I can recall several different times where I wasn't treated fairly by other people or teachers and I just don't know why. Without even doing anything to them. When I was a lot younger I guess I just thought I could talk to just about anyone and things would work out. I remember being a very optimistic kid. It just feels like that side of me has completely shut down. It's stuff like this that just makes my self esteem hit rock bottom. I can recall so many times where I was treated unfairly and that's made when worse by the addiction I picked up in high school where I did really regrettable, awful things. I just didn't have a good time in high school for the most part with some negative moments that just hurt my confidence in junior high and elementary. I don't know how to stop feeling this way about myself. I don't know how to stop feeling like a wimp about stuff like this. I just don't know how I can pick myself up with all the stuff that has happened in my life. I've been trying on and off to work on my self esteem but it eventually just comes crashing down again and again. I just hate that I keep seeing myself as such an embarrassment and a loser. That's what my mind keeps telling me but I don't necessarily disagree with it. Based on the things that happened in the past, it just feels true. I just want it to be the opposite but I don't know how to move on from all of these bad moments that have been buried in my head.

Everytime I go bike riding I like to speed or do tricks and stuff. And everytime I go bike riding I have a blast it always helps my mental health. Yet whenever I go I feel like I'm annoying other drivers. My head will say "you're going too fast and they will think they'll hit you. " and it scares me. I'm so scared that other drivers might hate me if I don't slow down. I'm trying to not slow down to not give in to the obsession and it's just getting worse and the urge is getting even bigger. I think I'm too reckless and that other people will think I'm disrespectful towards the public. I'm very scared of being posted on my towns Facebook for some reason? I'm scared that someone will post about me going to fast on my bike. I know this is a lot but I don't know what's up with me 😭. My ocd has been off the walls lately.

I went to my friends house for a couple of hours and they have a ton of siblings. Every second one of the siblings would ask to play with me, and so I did. Yet I kept thinking, "you're not giving your friend enough attention and they'll hate you." It just kept coming to my mind over and over. My friend was kinda out of it today so they weren't as hyper as usual. So they didn't join in a lot. I feel like a horrible person. My mind keeps telling me I was third wheeling. Once I got home they didn't say their usual stuff that they would like "I had so much fun" and now I'm so worried that I'm a horrible friend. It's causing so much distress.

I am so unsure of what to do. I have had 4 sessions with my new therapist, but after each session I feel even worse. I’m frustrated with it because she is not giving me any coping strategies. I need to know what to do and how to cope when I’m triggered. I’m so scared to keep carrying on every session but not learning how to actually cope with my problem. That will make me more stressed. Is this normal? I can’t afford to waste money, it’s soo expensive 😪 I would have expected to have started erp or some sort of intervention by now, and she doesn’t give me an answer when I ask when will we start erp. I don’t think that’s an unreasonable question. I don’t even know what type of intervention she’s got planned! I’ve just told her I’m interested in erp. Surely I should know that by now? I just need a rough answer so I’m working towards a goal and I know what’s happening. She just says that’s me looking for certainty again. I disagree. I’m not looking for certainty, I’m just asking for what to expect from the sessions and whether I’m going to get what I’m paying a lot of money for. This will probably be my last chance for therapy because of finance and I don’t want to waste it on the wrong treatment 😩 would any therapists start erp or coping strategies earlier than the fifth session or is what I’m dealing with the norm? Thanks 🙏🏻

Hi, could someone give me some advice or at least a friendly word? Or even a like on the post so I feel I'm not alone or whatever (This post contains mention of depression, porn and, as always, OCD traps) For a while now I've been feeling a deep sadness and struggling to live a minimally happy life, or at least one without so much melancholy. In order not to make this too long, I'll get straight to the point. Yesterday I drank and got a bit drunk, but nothing too bad, in fact when I drink it's one of the few times I feel like my life is happy. But I wasn't drunk enough to just go to sleep, and I felt like trying to feel something because I'm desperate to feel something other than this emptiness. So I thought about porn as a way of trying to feel something, but I didn't feel anything significant, I don't know, the emptiness continued. And to make matters worse, OCD came along with its traps, and I began to question "Have I watched any problematic content?" even though deep down I know I haven't, but OCD always makes us see the traps as things that are all too real. I've tried checking the list of videos I've watched just to make sure and eliminate these thoughts, but I watch in private mode because I'm ashamed to use it to try to feel something, so the history isn't saved. The truth is that when it comes to videos, I avoid as much as possible anything that seems the slightest bit problematic, even some terms that I find disgusting. So now, in addition to feeling immense emptiness and sadness, I'm dealing with these nonsensical OCD thoughts, like, I would never feel satisfaction from something problematic or wrong. When I was younger and, obviously, much more ignorant, and got to know things I didn't understand how problematic certain topics and terms were, but I really was very young and didn't have someone to explain them to me, but today I know. Well, back to the other point, it seems that even this way of trying to feel something doesn't work, simply because it hasn't caused me any great things lately and also because of these OCD traps, which I really wanted some advice on how to deal with. Or at least a friendly word. Sorry if this is too long, I feel the need to explain every detail. And sorry for any English mistakes

I don't even know what my compulsions are so how can I resist them? I am always doubting my OCD diagnosis because of this very reason. How can I get better when I don't even know what is keeping me from getting better?

i had some intense intrusive thoughts about the past while trying to sleep and it scared the hell out of me to the point that i couldn't sleep. i just woke up this morning feeling like crap after getting a nightmare afterwards.

I am struggling recently. I am working with my therapist and I have recently finally did an exposure I have been struggling to do for months. However, I also recently have had more obsessions and given in to more compulsions after the exposure which has made my ocd worse and caused me to mitigate the exposure I did in the first place. Since my worst point with ocd, I have made a lot of progress. This is one of my hardest areas to overcome, but I feel like it’s setting me backwards and resulting in me engaging in compulsions that I have not engaged in for while. I am feeling mentally exhausted from all this, and it reminds me of how I felt when my ocd was at its worst. I am exhausted of ocd winning and know I need to make a change to be free of ocd.

I’m afraid of falling in love with anyone now. Especially since I have pocd. I fucking hate it. I’m afraid of liking someone that’s even 1 year younger than me (I’m only 18 btw). I’m so scared this has been the most terrifying thought for me. I sound and feel like a creep writing this. How can I stop these thoughts I do NOT want them turning into feelings which I’m very afraid of. I want to not wake up again but I still keep waking up. Might eat a whole jar of melatonin just to not wake up again. And I’m afraid if I don’t have ocd then I’m actually a creep which I do NOT want to be!!! I’M SO AFRAID THAT I HAVE FEELINGS AND THOUGHTS WHEN I SEE A CHARACTER THATS MY FAVORITE BUT IT’S A KID IM TERRIFIED. I’M SO SCARED OF MYSELF AND I JUST NEED TO GET IT OFF MY CHEST. I am petrified. It’s like I’m in a never ending nightmare but I’m not in a dream… it’s like there’s another side to me that is not me…

I'm really struggling atm w what I think is rocd. I know for an absolute fact that I love my boyfriend 100% with all my heart. I'm only 15 but I know that he's the person for me. We've been together for a year and a few months and I've been in love with him since I was 11. I'm almost 16. We've never had an argument, he's so incredibly supportive and he's very aware of the whole situation. I've been having horrible thoughts for about 6 months now that I'm not in love with him anymore. Obviously this upset me so so much but at the beginning I knew it wasn't real and I miss when my biggest issue was how to tell him and not upset him. Luckily I have the kindest most loving boy and he completely understood me and he is the only person who can fully comfort me. At the beginning I knew the thoughts weren't real but 6 months later and they're all i can think about I'm believing them and it's horrible. At one point about 3 months ago I came to the realisation that love is a choice, I loved being around him qnd kissing him and being his friend, and qt 15 that's basically all a relationship is. Since coming to that conclusion, and also telling myself that even if the thoughts were real and I really didn't love him anymore, then I would again because of who he is, and the sheer fact that I want to love him, the thoughts have changed into what if I dint like him and now I've convinced myself that I don't even like him and I don't want to love him again, and that's the worst part of it all because I believe it. He knows I believe them, and he's only 16 but he's handling it all so so we'll. He says that he knows that the thoughts aren't real, even if I don't know because he's got an outside perspective, but it's okay if I don't realise it because he'll wait for mw as long as I need. Some days I overthink so much I refuse to kiss him, and he's handled that so well, he'll always ask me if I want a kiss or a hug beforehand if I'm having q bad day, and he's gotten into the habit of watching Disney films with me ro help calm me. I don't understand why I don't think I want him in my life anymore. I miss feeling like i love him. I do have therapy, and she says that the thoughts aren't real qnd she knows this because of just the way I speak about him. My mum said she knows that they're not real, ans his mum says the same. For about 5 days last week the thoughts were gone. I felt like I loved my baby again. I was so so so happy because I loved him again and he was so proud of me. Then the thouhjts came back. I dint want this to be too long, im so sorry of you're still reading. Just any tips on how to love my baby again? I'll do anything except break up with him. I love being a part of his family qnd I miss how it was, but I'd much rather be so so sad ans scared all the timw with the thoughts then not have him at all. I've had very intrusive thoughts before but nowhere as bad as this. Maybe the intensity of the thoughts is mimicking the intensity of the love I have for him? I just want to love my jude again, my lovely boy :(

I’m going to a Psychiatrist today for the first time because of ocd. Do all Psychiatrist knows about ocd and the themes ? Or I need Psychiatrist that knows about ocd cause im afraid she will not know and then she will think I’m crazy or a bad person