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Came back home, today was okay as when it came to work- but I felt super insecure today because out of impulse I trimmed my bangs and it ended up super short and because of the weather it made my hair super static, I look like a mess now, I barely paid attention to class since I kept looking at myself in the camera and old photos of me and just kept cringing or feeling jealous about my past looks compared to now I feel super gross. 😣💔 Kept my jacket on the whole day too because my outfit sucked and I felt super duper overstimulated and when I came back home I found my room to be all picked up but now I can't find certain stuff that I was going to use today, my closet broke, I need to still finish some stuff today and I still have classes tomorrow and I have to talk to people + OCD is now making me freak out over the thought of someone seeing me look at myself constantly in the camera and now thinks I'm a freak, or classmates saw me mumbling to myself and struggling to fix my out of control hair and now everyone thinks I'm even uglier and weird and tomorrow something bad is going to happen- intrusive thoughts are making me rewind to every conversation and text I've gone through, and my mind is saying that I'm done for and I feel like a failure to everyone and everything.. I'm just super overwhelmed right now and so upset this is not how I want things to go ughhh. 🥹💔

In regards to my relationship, this is just what I keep asking. Is it ROCD or am I just not into her? I see some people writing " I Know I love her but my ROCD tries to tell me that I don't", and that seems understandable, but in my case is "Do I love her? shouldn't I know and so I'm just using ROCD as an excuse not to break up so that I won't be alone?". For context I have been diagnosed with OCD here at NOCD, and I do have thoughts like ( I don't feel as attracted, she's gaining weight and this and that, is she the right one for me, will I be happy if I get married, do I want to get married? have kids?, etc) She's a great person, the best! but do I love her? or rather am I in love?, etc

I just need somebody to talk to please

Adults only For some reason, I didn't sleep good today. I had trouble sleeping and I only got about 4 hours in. I hope it doesn't happen tonight. I was so anxious and scared that this was going to start up all over again and I really don't want that. Unfortunately I have a routinely use of porn still and today it triggered a lot of POCD. I looked for fictional characters and found a lot through several channels but unfortunately these channels have some really disgusting things on there that clearly involve minor characters and it's just gross. I just try to scroll pass them and avoid clicking on them and just focus on the content I'm comfortable with. There was one that I found very attractive but then it made me feel uncomfortable because I found out the character is 19 years old but is also a ghost that has aged overtime. I just feel uncomfortable about the theme being around a dead person even if they aren't real. Then it made me worry about other times I may have found underaged characters attractive in the past. I also recall characters being aged up in results I saw, which I normally don't like and don't watch because it feels wrong. I think the only reason people upload this nasty stuff is they argue that they aren't real people and by law it's not illegal for that exact reason. That doesn't mean it's not fucking disgusting, wtf. Another thing is several times I've seen adult women cosplay as fictional minors in their sexual content. I don't know why this is so common. I'm not having the best time right now. Even though the character was an adult I still feel triggered about finding attraction to people in their late teens, even if they are adults. I guess it's the age gap consideration. I just hope that I sleep better tonight and I also hope that I can put this stupid habit down forever. The only reason it's so strong is because I feel I need my phone to sleep at night and when I wake up, the first thing on my mind is my phone and porn. Before all of this I was doing really well. It was just this one night that threw me off track.

i automatically compulsive imagined a trigger se*ually and "attractively". As soon as I saw that i felt automatically instant arousal, not in the groin, but in my mind, as if I experienced attractiveness. As soon as that happened I instantly felt dread and distress, i was panicking, because it happened without my control, automatically. Can someone explain this why and how it happened? And if it's normal. Or if I did something irredimable.

Lately I’ve been noticing the early signs of my OCD flaring, but I’m already in a depressive phase - even with the awareness, I still struggle to pull myself out of it. I stop leaving the house, basic self-care drops, I avoid groceries and day-to-day tasks get slow, compulsion FORCES cleanliness, from cleaning the windows, to the vents, carpets, literally doing any home cleaning tasks, over and over, each day, telling myself things will be fine once everything is done. Fun fact, things still aren’t fine but the house is clean. I’m just shut down mentally. It’s hard to feel stuck even when you can see it happening, and feel it happening. I’m sharing this here because NOCD has helped me understand my patterns in such a short time, and I’m trying to catch them earlier instead of disappearing into them, but I’m asking for help with this one, because it’s hard. If anyone else goes through these cycles, how do you stop the slide before it gets too deep, before you fully shut off from things & the people around you? I’d appreciate something small to start off with before recommending big tasks or outings.

I'm going to a concert tonight in a really intimidating area of the city I'm near. I say intimidating cause I never know what's gonna happen. But mind you I'm 19. And I really don't wanna screw this up or get screwed up. My parents are being very trusting of me and society rn. They never usually are. Especially me going to a show by myself no matter the venue. I'm going early but by the time I leave people could be drunk. And I'm scared this is a christan music artist and it's supposed to be really positive vibes but I swear I'm going to have a panic attack I did last time in the area even when I was with my parents. Well more of anxiety attack but still I'll be by myself. I'm not vulnerable but I look like I am. I also don't wanna ruin the night for the musican or anybody. Should I like ask the staff or musican he's small enough that I can probably talk to. And I'm one of the regular fans like regular customers. So... Idk... How would I ask if I can wait inside the venue after. I'm actually so scared rn. I'm having anxiety rn😭 I'm for sure I'm gonna have a panic attack. I mean I have my imaginary friends for a reason but they're not physically real. I also have a fear of the government and stuff related so how would I even ask security if I can stay and wait with them. I hope I can make some new friends so I won't have to go out alone again. I'm pretty sure the musican seems nice enough to let me wait by stage if I really feel uncomfortable in the crowd by myself. Idk I just feel like I'm begging for attention so I'm probably gonna end up making myself suffer.

Could really use help and all my posts are getting hidden and I don't know why, even though there's nothing bad I don't think so I think I'm just going to leave this post here to talk about it instead of repeatedly making the same posts

I’ve recently hit a very big milestone with my boyfriend. The problem is my fear happened again, I didn’t enjoy it, and couldn’t feel anything because I’m always subconsciously monitoring everything I feel/don’t feel. TMI but It’s really REALLY hard for me to get turned on and the last time I was FULLY in the mood was a couple years ago when I met up with my ex. But after that It’s never happened again. Extra TMI but I can’t even get aroused to things I used to be aroused by before this theme bc I feel like I’m watching for my reaction. But when it’s things I don’t want to feel any arousal towards I get aroused. Moving on, when I first noticed I had a crush on my current boyfriend 4 months ago, my mind was clear and I wasn’t really checking as much. But, when I noticed my feelings and attraction for him my body went into a “scanning” mode and I felt myself going numb. I would start to check if I found him attractive every time I saw him, if I still felt the same way the day I realized I thought he was cute, or if I was still excited about calling him. There’s times where him and I kiss and I’m fully present and enjoy it. But when I notice I start to focus on it again and I start to feel nothing. The best way I can describe it is there is a mini me in the back of my head watching everything I feel. Everything I think, feel, and dont feel is always being “watched” and I don’t know how to stop it. I miss being fully present when I’m with him because I finally felt the things that have been “shut off” ever since this theme started when I was 15. The more I subconsciously monitor the less I feel for him and I hate it.Im trying really hard not to ruminate on my lack of strong feelings, attraction, and libido when I come back from dates with him now. It really sucks because in the beginning of the relationship I was so happy about finally feeling attraction and emotions again. This is so annoying and I really hope someone can relate 😭. I need tips please.

Ive been thinking a lot abt what happened still w last post i made on here ,and I also have had some stuff happen for an update. Summarizing my last post really briefly, I found out a friend had unadded me and softblocked me on everything whilst I was already very paranoid that my friends did not like me. When I asked about it I was told that it was because 'our communication styles clash/ different kind of autistics' and it wasnt my fault. When first discovering they had done this (unadded/softblocked me on everything suddenly) I tried to handle this well,but I got very very paranoid and frantic,and I asked them if it was ok to re-add me and I asked if they were upset w me bc they did not do this to anyone else in the server ,which i think bothered this person and I should not have done (i was added back for a little while but eventually unfriended again) it was the next day after all this happened I was told that this friend felt pressured when I came to them about this,and though I also apologized for this i cant stop thinking abt it. Lastly was the fact there was an incident a few weeks ago where this person felt I was derailing convos,again this was something I apologized for,but I cant stop thinking abt it and if it played a part. I feel really guilty and like I keep fucking up,and im still quite scared everyone is going to leave me.

Why can’t I just have it all. Why can’t I just have it both ways . Life SHOULD be fair. I have been so active lately bc I’m in such a dark place and I feel selfish and I’m sick of trying to control everything especially things I can’t control or that aren’t my business. But I genuinely feel so depressed and I don’t know who to talk to ab this erp hasn’t been helping me

I recently have been diagnosed with OCD at the age of 28. I spent my life dealing with obsessive thoughts and habits I didn't know it wasn't normal. Anyway, I am having trouble dealing with my triggers and one of them being my brain convinces me that if I tell anyone about what my OCD thought is, it for sure will come true. Even typing this post is making my heart rate go up thinking me even posting this is going to lock things in. I have tried medication and talk therapy, sadly they didn't help. My therapist just kept saying "get over it", and I so desperately wish I could. So if you have any tips or ways around this please share. Thank you so much.

Hey so I don’t actually have ocd but I’m trying to understand my girlfriend better to be there for her in actual helpful ways, and I think she might have ocd and talking with her she thinks she might to. She is a huge perfectionist and definitely a germaphobe, as well as some sensory issues. She also has some things that seem like compulsions, she’ll feel like she needs to squeeze her fingers and hands, sometimes picking at them even if there’s not like dry skin or anything to pick at, and sometimes she’ll even feel like she needs to like rub them across something spiky or just a very specific surface but its not always the same. She also feels the need to have her whole body squeezed when she’s really stressed, almost like she wishes she was in a hydrolic press, so really really tight hugs or things like that help but I think that might just be a different thing and not ocd. She also has a weird feeling that makes her not want to kiss(as well as intimacy) and she struggles explaining what it is like. She really didnt want to kiss me for a while but she thought that it was just because of past experiences that were bad but then we finally kissed and she said she felt almost panic but different. I really care about her but this block making it so she cant kiss has recently made some bumps in our relationship. I would like to kiss her but I would rather have her happy so it’s fine, but I know that it affects her not knowing what is wrong and its made some doubts in the relationship. We’ve been able to talk it out and Im being really patient with her, but I want to fully understand her so that I can actually help her Does this sound like ocd? And what can I do to help?

I swear my obsession changes every day from being psychic to quantum leaping to God‘s plan to what is truly aligned with me to manifestation to the perfect outcome to the perfect decision to perfection. It’s constant it’s constant and driving me insane and I feel like so stuck and I just I feel like Rodgers is not getting to the root of all the system from like they’re only focusing on getting rid of my symptoms, but I know there’s more to this than just the symptoms because there’s something deep within me. There’s a wound deep within me that is keeping me from moving forward and feeling more comfortable in this confusion and I cannot like put my finger on what I need to do so that I can like face this part of myself like I’m constantly just likeanalyzing everything and it’s exhausting

NSFW content warning For the past 3 weeks I’ve been spiralling 24/7 about the years when I was in a long distance relationship with my now husband. I would make a bunch of nsfw photos and videos for him and we would make videos together for when we were apart for a long time. This stopped years ago when we moved in together and we have since deleted the content from anywhere we actively had it stored. My problem is that I’m obsessed with the idea that I could have been hacked somehow and the content could be online without my knowledge. I never had any signs of being hacked or having a virus and I had 2FA on my accounts (most of them at least, I can’t remember exactly it was too long ago), but I had multiple accounts and maybe had some that got abandoned that I don’t have access to. I used to do virus scans and never had a problem with a virus but what if I didn’t realise I had one. I’m also obsessed with the idea that somehow this content could have ended up on someone else in my households devices somehow, thoughts like “what if i shared this folder by mistake” “what if i accidentally put it on an SD card or memory stick”. I’ve been honest with my family about this and I’ve even gone through all the family photos (as best I can, there are thousands and some glitched and were unavailable to view) and found nothing, but I’m scared that there could be stuff on my old laptop hard drives at my parents house and whilst I know they would never snoop I’m scared they could get robbed and the hard drives taken but I don’t know if digging them out and erasing them would be compulsive? I’m also struggling hugely with false memory that has worked its way into this overall fear. What if I recorded something bizarre that I didn’t even send to my husband and don’t remember? Everyone I’ve spoken to including my husband and mom think I am being irrational and say this is my OCD but I am struggling too much to believe there is no real threat so I’m not avoiding my compulsions because my brain is making me feel like this is an active threat. Is ERP even effective for something like this that has basis in reality? I feel like my life is completely over from this fear, sometimes I think I am being irrational to put my life on hold and have it destroyed over something i have no proof of happening but I have considered suicide over this.

I have a a person with a girl child working in my house right now, and when she was here, I was already distressed due to a past event. Her kid came to drop a cloth and told me "work is done" even though her mother had told me the same before. But at the time, I was anxious, and I thought to myself, why did this kid tell me when her mother had already told me. And I assumed the kid just wanted to be friendly, and say something. But then I started to feel weird, I started getting intrusive thoughts of weird nature, that I assumed the kid was interested in me or I'm a weirdo who thinks too much over a simple interaction. Then I realised, the kid probably just wanted to inform me the work is done why did I think she would be friendly, and go out of her way to tell me again, and I have been disgusted at myself due to this, This is not even OCD, this just feels like a weirdo confronting themselves.

Hi. I'm a 25yr old female. Ever since I was a kid, I have had crushes on teachers and older men. For example I remember when I watched daddy day care I was only 5 and had a huge crush on eddie murphy. I was dreaming of him holding me on his lap. Then later had a crush on my teacher. And almost every single male figure in my life, that was even a little bit nice to me, and was attractive, I have had a crush on. Even doctors who were like 50, even if they werent that good looking but if they were just friendly. Usually it's not even sexual. It's from somehwere between and its weird. It's like I want to be taken care of and I want them to hug and give me attention and thats it. With some I desired to be their daughter. Well now it's really been triggering me because somehow my brain is mixing platonic and romantic love, and if I see a good looking father who is attractive and is treating their daughter right, I think "I wish I was that daughter" but somehow I also wish it was romantic at the same time??🤮 That is so twisted I know and I have tried to understand why my brain thinks this way. Because I know if he REALLY was my father I would never be attracted to him. I could never think of anything about my own dad 🤮. But somehow my brain can't comprehend that maybe their own kid doesnt have a crush on them even if I do. This is when it gets really triggering for me. Even if it would be a child. A girl. Still my brain goes "oh I wish I was her" "she must be so attracted to him" (like I am)I cant explain this its so weird. Like for example, I have had a celeb crush on chris martin since I was 9. And I believe its because he is so charismatic and loving. I remember to this day having these dreams where he would come to my house with roses. And when he had a daughter I was so jealous and I was like "she is so lucky to have him as a father" and at the same time it felt like she must be so attracted to him because I couldn't comprehend that maybe not EVERYONE is attracted to him even if I was. I'm feeling extremely awful because whenever I see a picture of them together I just get this weird feeling and my brain doesnt understand that they are a daughter and a father. Or if it does it still views their relationship as romantic. That is so weird and disgusting I know. I do have some issues with my father, he has not been very present and he is very unavailable emotionally, so i dont know if this somehow could be related to it.. but still its very disturbing. I know this is not only ocd because I have felt this way all my life and never been anxious about it, thought it was normal. I only realized it was not normal when I started to pay attention to my feelings more. Now its problematic, for example in school there are 2 male teachers, and I have a huge crush on both of them. I feel like a horrible person. I am so anxious because I have noticed that seeing a man with a daughter sometimes makes me feel turned on. That is so weird and disgusting. So my question is, does anyone else with a conplicated father relationship experience feelings like this? Do you mix romantic and platonic feelings? Or am i the only one? I fear this is proof of something horrible. It doesnt help that i have pocd and false memory so i feel like this only supports both of them. Guys if you reply its not giving reassurance because Im genuinely curious if anyone has experienced anything like this

I have been habitually waking up straight into a doom cycle of thoughts, especially before I have to get ready for work. This morning it got the best of me, I was fighting a panic attack as I was pulling myself out of bed. Even threw up from intense overwhelming anxiety of what I cannot control. Taking action is the best thing you can do for yourself in this moment, still brushing your teeth, washing your face, making a quick and easy breakfast, stepping outside for 5 minutes, it helped me re-center myself and have an opportunity to remind myself of my values, which brought a spark back into my body and motivated me to turn my day around, and I realized I am deserving of a better morning. For context, I really struggle with figuring out what’s “worth it” in my life, and that’s consumed most of my daily activities but mainly my job. I’m 23 and have been working my first 9-5 corporate health care job for the past year and a half, the thought of working a 9-5 monday-Friday for the rest of my life terrifies me, and this is because I’m a creative person, and I didn’t expect to reach a point where I had to abandon my creative projects to afford living, and now I’m incredibly burnt out and exhausted and it terrifies me. I just want to know if someone else can relate to that struggle, and if there’s any realizations or tips that help when trying to find your purpose again but also trying to survive and afford the cost of living.

i know i have to sit with it and not ask for reassurance but the thing is that i dont know if i deserve to do that. i'd never hurt my cat but still i think i kinda did, because if you lift a cat only by his armpits all the weight of the cat will shift to his armpits causing strain, and my cat on top of that is a but overweigheight (i didnt really know that, but i also knew enough that it wouldn't feel comfortable). i needed to sleep and my cat kept jumping on the bed and being loud, no matter how many times i get him off the bed. i was frustrated. and i lifted him up to get him off the bed without properly supporting his legs, only the armpits, because i was exhausted and also like angry with him so i thought that i shouldn't bother being nice, and i felt horrible. also i heard a voice, which i don't know if it was intrusive or not, telling me "let him be still in air" and i followed that command automatically, it wasn't out of genuine evil or malice, I just listened to see, a self sabotage. "do it" and i immediately did. I felt immediately like i did something unforgivable. I need to study for a very important exam in my life. and this happened like a month ago.