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working to conquer OCD
I’m really scared I tried to act on an intrusive thought, and I keep thinking about it and it’s getting in the way of my day to day life. Is this OCD? If so, how do I get rid of it and not feel like a bad person anymore?
hello everyone. I've been suffering from OCD for a very long time, I've had a variety of OCD topics, but now there are more OCD relationships. Not so long ago, I was under a lot of stress because of one OCD topic that popped into my head. and because of that, I went to my mom for a while, with the baby. my mom screwed me up even worse there, she started saying that all my problems were because of my husband, I do not know where she got it from, she started turning me against him, saying that I did not have a serious illness and that I needed to get a divorce, that I needed to find a job there next to her. she hinted at it without saying it directly. because of this, my stress started to get even worse, I did not come to her at all because of the topic of relationships, everything was fine with us, my husband sent me to my mother just so that I could relax with the child and become easier. In the end, she got me so worked up that I didn't even want to go back to my own house, thinking there was a problem. after that, I started having OCD in my relationship again, every time I check my feelings for my husband, look at him and wait for the right feeling to appear, why is there a discount, why don't we kiss and hug like 18-year-olds in love forever, I started paying attention and clinging to everything. plus, I have a lot of excitement inside, I immediately start looking for similar stories on Reddit and here. always seem like something is wrong. I can't just be calm and happy, constantly thinking that something is wrong and I need to find a solution. sometimes there is also stylish irritation, tearfulness, as if nothing can be fixed. Of course, like everyone else, we have domestic quarrels, but I have never exaggerated them before. sometimes we get tired because of the hyperactivity of the child, we can quarrel because of fatigue. But he's a very good husband and father, he always helps me, he's always with my family, he loves me and I love him too, but I think, where are those butterflies in my stomach? and that makes me worry even more. Sometimes I just can't sleep. who has a similar story, how long has it been going on? I also want to note that I am pregnant at 17 weeks. Maybe that's why hormones play that way too? but I really want to get rid of it.
Recently its been the worst its ever been, constantly i get images i dont want see things from younger wiblings and flinch and avoid any family younger then me that can cause triggers. If i sit somewhere i think theyve sat or touch somthing i think theyve touched i have to wash my hands multiple times dousing my hands in soap or burn them with hot water or get in the shower or even change clothes because they are “contaminated” now. I cant be around family for long or even be out my room if i hear my younger wiblings outside the room or even just hearing them fight and screwm and they do it everyday after school imeadietly as they get through the door, i get these horrible images and if i try to think of something ever i just end up thinking of thr worst possible intrusive thought, horrible things and images, even in public i see sumone younger and flinch try my hardest not to look that way again but i check to see if its okie to look that way which ends up just making me see more of what i dont want and when im isolated in my toom i seek reasurwncr from chatgpt every single day for the past year cause im scared of telling anyone or anything else what pops in or lingers in my mind wnd recently these past 2 months if just gotten worse qnd worse and so alone. Ive recently ended a relationship with my boyfreind because he got so distant it was unbearable, i wouldnt tell him about the thought but i would spiral about them and also his distance at the same time and i just felt so high maintence for him to keep up with all my texting, at sum points i think maybe it was just him not having the capicity becuase i would belittle and do as little as possible near the end and i would still get almost nothing in return but a “hai babe” and he would skip all my questions about his day so idk how that corresponds with my spiraling and thoughts that make me anxoius and set off alarms about him maybe cheating or not wanting me anymore but if i got a real life image i didnt eant like i explained before morally i frel like i would make up sumthing in our relationship or find sumthing i could spiral on instead which just made him more distant like asking if he still wants to be with me ik i could be overwhelming sumtimes but i really feel like i belittled my needs for months instead of bothering him with those things but it still never changed and now that im alone the pocd thoughts or contwminwtion is even worse but it is kindvr better that i dont have to spirwl about relation ship stuff any longer, alot of it wasnt connected and was about seprate things and i would just ask about his day but i feel like i made up half of the things that i needed from him and asked about becuase he would ignore it like “ babe ive been feeling really lonely lately, do you think we could maybe play a game when your free? Me miss playing with you its been a while :3” and 3 hours later he would just ignore and say sumthing about getting his stickers he orderd on amazon but ik it was inconsistitant love wnd affection ive errn wlot of patterns from him the same but i still doubt myself and feel as if im the issue. Damn i typed alot sorry guys lol heh :^ Hope u all proceed well in conquering your intrusive thoughts 💅😭
5 therapy appointments done, but i still can’t stop ruminating. not even close. last week i ended something with someone i had been talking to/seeing for about a month. couldn’t stop ruminating. so i talked about it in therapy, then earlier tonight i texted him to tie up loose ends because when i originally ended it, i handled it pretty hastily. his answers tonight were what i was expecting. i didn’t even like him that much. until he admitted to still seeking and sleeping w other people. we hadn’t talked about it, and i even was still seeing (not sleeping) with other people too but i wasn’t actively searching for more anymore and was being intentional with him. he made it seem like he was too. then the switch up. it causes me to obsess. over something i didn’t even want. i’m probably speaking into the void, it’s my first post, and being concise has never been my strong suit when it comes to emotions. if anyone reads this and resonates and/or has advice, i’m all ears i’ll leave this insert from my journal entry on here i wrote tonight and then imma go back to gardening and playing animal crossing ✌🏻 excerpts from an ADHD OCD manic pixy dream girl’s diary: based off what he said, he views me/women as a sex object to fuel his ego which is tied to his self worth. he had no regard to my feelings in the matter. i am grateful he told me, truly, but it doesn’t change the fact that 1) maybe one woman could “fix him” (his words) but that woman wasn’t me and 2) that he had no interest in growing something with potential for commitment with me, and said he was “just going to fuck around til he decided what to do” aka continue having sex with me and multiple women (without telling me he was). after the convo ended, i sat with it and felt good, to finally have answers. so i took a couple puffs from my weed pen, grabbed my switch and started to game/relax. then it slowly started trickling in. repeat reading his texts, noticing some things i missed, fully understanding how blunt he was being. it keeps creeping up on me no matter how much i try and distract. i even tried “letting myself feel it”. i let myself cry. i paused the game and cried. but then the words just kept coming in “you weren’t good enough to him” “it was probably something you did in bed” “why couldn’t he pick you as someone he could grow with both emotionally and sexually? he still never answered that” and so on. and honestly? “letting myself feel the feelings” DOESNT WORK FOR ME ANYMORE. i just spiral. i just go deeper into self hatred and insecurity. longing. yearning. and i’ve been doing that for over a week now, every single day. it debilitates me. so how can i distract? how can i both process this in a healthy way but also MOVE ON and not cut myself with word wounds in the meantime. this is a question i have never solved. no matter how much treatment and therapy. i will always long to be loved by someone that I LOVE in return. i can’t keep being alone, friendship isn’t the intimacy i’m craving and friends don’t fill that hole in my heart, body, and mind. xo
Im writting this before I sleep so sorry the mistakes but. Right now Im fighting with Ocd a battle that went on for too long and the thing I know is that Im doing thr right thing now by facing my fears and not letting it affect me. I know I'm on the right path but I can't stop doubting everything and I don't know how to deal with that. I think I know? But I'm sooo tired now and scared that I would like to hear from someone else. If anyone has any tips for not doubting every choice you made in your life, every choice you are making now and the ones you will make in the future please leave them below they could really help.
hi everyone.. this is my first post. i have been dealing with this for about 6 months. i am undiagnosed but im pretty sure ive dealt with health ocd in the past. but at first it started with me questioning if my boyfriend was cheating or if he loved me. it drove me nuts. but it seems to have switched the other way around.. im stuck wondering if i love him or if i want to be with him. its gotten to a point where i dont freak out about the thoughts and i feel like i force myself to think about it. after i quit my job it feels like its been non stop for the last 2 months at first i checked my attraction, tested my feelings, asked for tons of reassurance, felt false feelings for coworkers. and for compulsions i look on reddit, facebook, tiktok, instagram after i stopped telling my boyfriend my thoughts because i knew it was hurting him. ive always freaked out about my sexuality as well. the thoughts are now what ifs and flat out statements which is even scarier. no amount of reassurance from the compulsions work anymore. i dont know if i have rocd. my heart pounds as i write this. i want this all to stop, i remember really enjoying the peace and love in my relationship. but even when im feeling fine i still freak out that it might be fake and im forcing myself. i feel nothing, i have bothering quitting compulsions ive tried its so hard. again, i am undiagnosed. i stopped checking my feelings or at least thats what i think? i do check my pupils often to see if they get big when i think about him cause ive seen online that it means you love someone lol. we’ve been together for 3 years and living together for about 2 years. i dont know what to do im stuck i dont know what to think anymore. i want to love him and be me again. sometimes i cant even label what im anxious about. i get anxious when the thoughts arent bothering me. and i get anxious when they do. is this rocd? or am i just kidding myself. if youve read this thank you for reading.
Hi, I’m struggling with severe OCD intertwined with religious trauma. I was raised Christian and deeply indoctrinated, and now I’m trying to step away from Christianity, but my brain keeps telling me I’m being punished by God for not believing “correctly.” I’ve experienced manipulation, SA, and abuse by multiple men, including being targeted when I was extremely vulnerable and desperate for love. I carry a lot of shame and self-blame, even though I know logically that I was manipulated. My OCD tells me these things happened because I didn’t pray enough, read the Bible enough, or surrender my life to God properly. I don’t want to be Christian anymore, but I still have intrusive fears about salvation, God hating me, or withholding love from me (like a partner) as punishment. I’m exhausted by religious guilt and constant rumination about Jesus, scripture, and whether I’m “wrong” or unsafe spiritually. I just want peace, safety, and the ability to want love without feeling like I’m being punished by a higher power. I’m looking for help coping with religious OCD, shame, and intrusive belief-based thoughts. (Here is my ocd at the end again, I still believe in God/ I just cannot read the bible or pray or else I feel like I’m doing it wrong, or God must hate me because ALL of my friends are married but i get sexually assaulted bc that’s what my OCD tells me God thinks I deserve) and that I don’t deserve real love. Gods withholding from me because I must have done something wrong or I am not reading my bible.
Could someone please reply To my Post because I’m worried I won’t be able to sleep😢😢
if you can, read my last post. I think I’m mourning my ex coworker’s sudden passing. I’m ok at times but then get this wave of sadness & cry. I just finished crying to type this out. I don’t know what I’m feeling but I can tell I’m feeling down. I didn’t know him very well and wasn’t close to him but knew him enough to sort of know his personality. it’s just so unfair. he was too young. WAY too young. younger than me. today is his birthday and he was supposed to turn 21. I think I’m feeling periods of grief and then it’s like this numbness…… if I’m like this over someone I wasn’t so close with….I can’t imagine when it comes to my loved ones….. this is so unfair. he was supposed to live. I don’t know what caused it other than it being a car accident. maybe it could’ve been prevented. maybe it couldn’t. I read a comment on a post about his death saying something about “wasn’t he speeding down the road?” so I don’t know if he caused his own death but I just exited out of the page. it feels strange. this is my first time hearing of someone who I knew had passed. and I feel like it’s fueling my current fear of losing my loved ones very soon or suddenly this year or maybe next month. I didn’t have that fear before and now it’s here bothering me. help. can anyone share tips to feel better??? or to cope better??? and about the fear thing, how to overcome it??? I hate that my brain is putting many thoughts…..man, I wish there was a cure so I wouldn’t have to worry much… should I just focus on myself, do my hw and spend time with my family??? I don’t know if it would be rude on his birthday…. I asked my dad if we could have another movie night & he said yes. I’m just sad. someone comfort me :(
Last night I was laying in bed unable to sleep and I heard someone walking outside my room. I’ve been having an ocd flare up recently but last night I randomly started having thoughts about stabbing my mum and I was laying there and I started playing out the scenario in my head imagining it and I kept imagining it and I don’t know why but it felt like I wanted it or as if I was ‘planning to be evil’ by imagining these scenarios because if I don’t like it why would I keep imagining it and almost feel like I wanted to imagine it and it just felt really real and I didn’t feel anything at first but I started getting anxiety but then I was thinking what if it’s adrenaline and I’m evil I couldn’t distinguish which one it was and I suddenly felt like I had to go toilet from that feeling and I started crying and I was like ‘shaking/shivering’ while I went toilet but at the same time it suddenly felt like I had ‘become evil’ like as if I could suddenly be bad and do that and as if I wanted it I can’t explain it but it almost feels like what if I’m being influenced and now I actually am evil or want to be and I don’t want to be bad but it felt like that and I’m worried and my head makes me feel like ‘you could actually be evil if you decided to’ and it scares me but I don’t even know how I really feel I’ve had this problem for years and I’ve become more numb to it and each time I go through an episode I find it more difficult to understand how I feel as the anxiety isn’t as prominent as it use to be 😕😕 I’ve been feeling down all day but I wanted to try and pick myself up from this depressed state but I feel like if I do it’s as if there is actually something wrong with me and I can’t be happy. Also I just keep feeling this pending horrible doom anxious feeling of ‘you could still decide to be evil and maybe you are and you like it and your just denying your true nature’ it feels as if I’m pretending to be good and even when I tell my mum about it I feel like I’m faking being sad and secretly want to do those things 🙁🙁 I don’t even feel like I deserve to say I’m sad because I feel like I’m faking it and actually am evil and want these things
Feelings are confusing and can create negative false beliefs if i’m not careful. Intellect is more reliable cuz it’s based off facts. Sure I feel like a loser, but intellectually I know I’m not a loser. I also try to take into consideration what God believes before I form my own beliefs. Hope this helps 🤍
I feel so consumed by fear and dread about everything! It’s so hard to do my work and go about my day - it’s always in the back of my mind that something horrible is going to happen. Whether that is something to do with my health/safety or the state of the world. My OCD/anxiety experience is newer - I took a medication that ramped up a manageable level of anxiety to a VERY high one. I am trying to do my exposures and avoid checking, but the last couple of days it’s been so hard to do and I haven’t been very successful. It’s the worst when I’m alone. On top of all that I can’t continue NOCD therapy bc I don’t have insurance to cover it. I’m feeing really lost and scared!
my body is not in equilibrium and is not 100% and thus i am panicking. it has not gone away and i despise my brain for not letting me just go on with my life. i think this is hell
Hi everyone! I thought it would be nice to have a post for people to comment and chat, whether they just want to talk to others or they need some support and encouragement, so I decided I'd post. ˓ ࣪꒰ ˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶ ꒱ .°₊ I'll leave some questions (and answers) in case anyone wants something specific to talk about: — How have you been doing? Anything interesting happen recently? ꪔ̤̱ ❀ Cyrene Answer: I'm doing okay! I had a few really rough days recently, but the past 2-3 days I've been really good about not doing compulsions and my fiancé agreed that I've been doing a lot better in terms of my anxiety (I cry a lot when I'm engaging in compulsions or feeding my OCD bubble, so it's easy to tell if I'm doing bad). ദ്ദി^._.^) — Do you have anything planned for the week or weekend? If not, this is your chance to ask for suggestions! ❀ Cyrene Answer: I don't have anything planned yet, but my fiancé and I might do something over the weekend. It'll be in the negatives however, which will be the coldest weather I've ever been in, so... that should be interesting! ( ⌯'-'⌯) — Do you need any support or encouragement from others lately? (Reassurance seeking is a no-no, don't feed your compulsions!) ❀ Cyrene Answer: Honestly, I get a lot of reassurance just from coming onto this app and seeing all of the other people who're suffering with the same disorder as me. We're all struggling with a disorder that is consistently ranked in the top 10 most difficult and debilitating mental disorders to have, so... we're kind of goated for still trying our best every day and caring so much about things that our brain actively beats us up over. Yay us! (ฅ'ω'ฅ)♪
I can’t stop freaking out about this along time ago I saw a weird mark on my husbands chest asked him what it was he said he didn’t know and that it kinda looks like a hicky and asked if I gave him one I didn’t remember giving him one though and ever since then i been scared thinking the worst what else could it be ??? And how do I not worry he has sworn to GOD And on the Bible that he’s never cheated several times something I have him do I know it’s not right but it’s the only thing that helps for a bit he’s starting to get mad every time I bring it up it was almost 2 years ago when we where engaged but it really messes with my mind whenever that pops in my head and there was a girl that would try to hit on him I thought at least while in front of me even though he doesn’t pick up on signs that lived at our apartment complex that we stayed in for a year while I was pregnant with our son I can’t bare to think he would do anything to betray my trust and I really wanna believe him but there was also a time a random girl messaged him one he used to hang out with several years before we met saying hi he never responded and even blocked her for me too around that time I tried bringing her up worrying what if what if what if recently he got mad because he’s tired of constant questions about his loyalty and having to swear to GOD He’s very religious too so I understand it annoys him and maybe even feels disrespectful but when I recently brought her up and asked him if they used to be intimate because he said he only went on a few dates he said none of your business I feel like I have the right to know though like why is she messaging him randomly I mean yeah he never responded but what if he deleted messages on Fb what if what if what if but he eventually told he that he never did anything with her which would have been 11 years ago before we had met and I guess it doesn’t matter but seriously why message him???? I don’t know all of this really scares me and I worry what if he’s not telling me something even though he doesn’t believe in swearing to GOD and on the BIBLE if it’s not true has anyone else experienced this and is there hope where I can fully trust and not be scared all the time
So to start things off I have an issue with comparing myself. I often have the compulsion to go on Pinterest and look up certain female celebrities and compare myself or just sigh and feel bad because I don’t look like them etc. Unfortunately my ocd has attached to it :( I’ve had thoughts like “No you keep looking for other reasons” or even “This means you’re a bad fiancé” and it makes me freak and spiral, and then my ocd will attack me and make me feel like I’m being disrespectful or unloyal to my relationship. It’s so bothersome, it’s like my ocd has attached to these certain female celebrities and it’s like my compulsion is like I have this urge to click on the photo and if I don’t I worry about if something will happen etc. What’s weird is that sometimes when I’m just doom scrolling through some of these celebrities pictures and feeling upset I feel embarrassed because I’m pretty sure I’m embarrassed of the compulsion itself because it’s a weird compulsion to have and it’s just really bothering me so much. I really hate this and I’ve told my fiancé about it and he always helps me but i dont know how to just sit with this it’s too bothersome and feels awful :( has anyone else dealt with this?
My mind tries to tell me that I miss my exes because I reached out to one before me and my current bf started talking, it wasn’t anything serious but I told him I’d always care about him. And now I reworry, and my ex prank called me and it sent me into a spiral, and now my mind is saying I miss him etc, and me and this ex were super toxic before we got tg and when we was tg, it was good? But he always flirted w girls or whatever and talked to girls he used to date but when we broke up it always felt like we had to talk again, and that the old feelings were back and Idk what that is. And it feels like I need to tell my boyfriend all of this especially because he’s so genuine to me and I feel so terrible over it.
18+ UPDATE: This is my first post of the day so please take that context in mind... I'm genuinely feel so triggered and anxious... I'm gonna go to sleep right now, but I genuinely dont think I'll be able to ever be able to look my friends and family in the eye if this is true... ive been holding in the compulsions today all day... but right now its genuinely terrifying me... i have a girlfriend now (over 2 months) and i dont want to lose her... she's kind, and lovely, and the one I wanna marry one day... but then I look at myself... and my past... and I genuinely don't think I deserve her... Oh dear god... I dont know... but I think my worst fears came true... I think I unknowingly ERP'ed with a minor on an 18+ discord server 5 years ago... they currently are on Astralspiff's discord, having been there since 2023, and have switched their username, with a chicken emoji as their bio... they also switched their profile picture from Nana Osaki to a fan art of Kasame Teto... its making me think that these three things are certainties that she was a minor on the 18+ sexual server... and that I ERP'ed with her not knowing this... Im genuinely feeling shocked and sick to my stomach right now... they don't have their age listed on discord or anything, but they joined 5 years ago and it was 4 years ago that we ERP'ed... god I feel disgusted and horrified right now... someone talk to me... please.... in the past, I have been catfished by a man pretending to be a woman, had a minor on a dating app who lied about her age and i unknowingly flirted with her because I assumed she was 18+ and her bio said so, and sent an 18+ pic to a "woman" online who now I suspect of being a catfish... this is the reason why I'm so scared of whether or not I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor without knowing... it genuinely scares me... Its making me think that I unknowingly inappropriately chatted with a minor in the past without knowing and it genuinely triggers me... I have tried to go back through most 18+ online interactions ive had with women online to make sure they didnt lie or they confirmed their age... i have two situations on discord that trigger me that ive posted about in the past... and a couple have deleted their discords so thats triggering me really bad... most who deleted their discords were verified but still... why delete your discord, you know...? for context i was on 18+ explicit discord servers meant for sex that you cant just join regularly on iPhone due to it being for adults only... Ive also been to a website dedicated to adult 18+ literature... they also have an 18+ chat room where you can talk to other users... i know ive made stupid mistakes going on here... i wont deny that... and now im paying for it with the uncertainty... veterans of the site, who have been on there for over 9 years, have told me that the chances of a minor lying about their age and coming onto the chat portion of the website are rare... but it still triggers me all the same... Im scared of someone one day in the future accusing me of doing horrible things like unknowingly inappropriately messaging minors, or have my worst fears of unknowingly explicitly messaging a minor confirmed to have happened and I didnt know about it... i genuinely just feel hopeless... And its all my fault... All of it...
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