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Does anyone else struggle to enjoy good moments because they’re constantly worried about what a physical symptom could mean, or because they have a gut feeling that the partner isn’t right for them, but they keep trying to ignore it?

For the past week my ocd has been telling me that my family logs into my email and everything related to my email my whole life the used my number, name, and email for anything. They know my email and password by heart, I changed the password for my email but I feel like it’s too late because they already went through it, I already have bad ocd that convinces me when I have an intrusive thought it pops up into my head and I write it down in google and it’s always disturbing and nasty thoughts so it’s not like i cant ignore it. I went to the great links of downloading the data but it’s taking too long.

I tried to get over my ocd thought but it has too much power and meaning. I have other posts about it, if you want to see what the thought is about, and I'm tired of the people that flag my posts. That does nothing to help my ocd, this is very real and flagging the post doesnt help at all, in fact it makes me want to do compulsions more.

I have tlly bad OCD but it got out of hand and I don't think it was ocd anymore My mind went outa hand the past few days and I just wanna cry I’ve cried 2 times already but I feel like I don’t even deserve to be upset. It started w old ocd spiral them then it flipped to another then it became “you wanna impress guys on ur vacation. And u want em coming up to you” then it got worse and more true feeling then yesterday i saw a cute guy and was covering my self up but i had thoughts that bc I never see him again I’ll miss him (which used to happen when I was single) bc I missed out or smth and it was just so awful yesterday til I had some epiphany that I love my bf so much bc he’s my soul mate and my best friend and I’m now very numb and upset and feeling so terrible and undeserving and he knows I was spiraling but he always assumes I don’t love him but that was smth that felt like it was up for debate when it shouldn’t be and today’s our 2 years and I’m just such a mess I feel awful And I am so afraid this wasn't an ocdspirql and I actually wanted it and I can't take that bc he's my everything and I'm supposed to love him Not rlly anyone I told him I spiraled but he gets upset bc he thinks I don't love him anymore but I do ik I do😖but I got so confused and I'm so terrible and then I can't talk to my therapist bc she isn't available on weekends PLS SOMEONE HELP ME THIS IS SO AWFUL I FEEL TERIIBLE BC I DO LOVE HIM I RLLY DO

(This is my first post in days... I've genuinely been trying to be better....) When i was 20 (i am 24 now) i was hanging out with this other girl friend of mine at a house party. I followed her to the house restroom where she was checking herself out in the mirror... i hugged her from behind... i cant remember whether i hugged her stomach or waist... most likely hugged her stomach from behind... i cant remember if whether I touched her rear or touched her chest or whether if these are both just false memories... i genuinely cant remember... im getting intrusive thoughts that i harassed her and that she'll accuse me of harassment in the future, when she said she doesnt remember anything I did that made her feel upset or uncomfortable when i asked a year or two later... I said "Your my friend and i genuinely care about you. And i wanted to make sure that if i did anything to upset you or make you feel uncomfortable, then i apologize" And she replied "Your straight I’m not worried about it" And then when i asked "But did i do anything to make you feel upset or uncomfortable??" She said "It was a long time ago I can’t remeber I’m sorry" So now my harm ocd is making me think I actually s3xually harassed her when I dont want to harass any woman in any way... All i want... is for my girlfriend to be happy and comfortable with life... i have said to her to let me know if i do anything to make her uncomfortable, and I'll stop and apologize... i genuinely feel broken and empty because of my real events... but she makes me happy... makes me wanna go further...

Hello. I’m new to this and I just wanted to share my experience to see if anyone can relate, to help anyone going through the same thing, or even some advice or just to feel community I suppose. I’ve never been officially diagnosed mainly because I haven’t realized everything until recently over the past year or so. When I was younger, I struggled a lot with anxiety about horrible things happening to me or people I loved, so much to the point where I was terrified to do anything or go outside. Another was huge health anxiety where I would convince myself that I basically had some kind of disease anytime anything felt SLIGHTLY off. Something I’ve done as I’ve gotten older is be VERY particular about specifically my hygiene. I’m kinda contradictory where I’m definitely not the neatest person and horrible at organizing and definitely not a germ aphobe, yet for some reason when it comes to my hygiene like showering, deodorant, or even cleaning my teeth specifically before going to the dentist, I have to do it until it feels clean. I developed scabs under my arms and different places because of how much I feel like I have to go over it. I take an unreasonably long time in the shower and when I get out I have a whole other process for cleaning my electronics which I’m not even going to get into. And if I feel like I messed up or missed a step, I get incredibly stressed and anxious and I have to go back and redo certain things until it’s right again. But more so, I’ve noticed something I’ve always done and has gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. I will pick something on or in my body that doesn’t feel right to me and basically hyper focus on it or try to “fix” it until it feels right. I used to do this a bit as a child but over the years it’s just been getting worse. For example, the past year it’s been stuff like pushing the side of my nose down until it “feels right” which caused scabs. And countless other things. And if someone interrupts me or something during it, I get IRRATIONALLY angry and frustrated and I don’t want to be but idk. This can take up HOURS of my day and it interferes with my sleep, my homework, my work, and even just enjoying time with myself and with others. It feels debilitating. I talked to my family about this and they suggested therapy but I’ve been to it before for my ADHD and I didn’t have the best experience and don’t know if that’s for me. All in all, I just want to share this because I know I’ve felt alone in this and I hope I can help someone who deals with these feel a little less alone, and if anyone has anything to share I’d love to hear :)

I'm worried about a lot of things right now.. I'm worried there's a blood clot in my left leg but I don't know if it is or not. I wanted to go to the hospital today but I didn't. Tomorrow I will go because I don't know what's going on with me. The right side of my stomach now has a pinching pain that came out of nowhere today and it has lasted the whole day. I feel like I'm not going to get the sleep that I need because of this. I'm getting thoughts that way I'm not going to wake up tomorrow in my sleep. I'm worrying a lot right now. I want to see a primary doctor but I can't because I'm waiting.

hey all! long time no post. im going through a very hard time right now, because im switching medication from sertraline to fluoxetine and its taking a good time to get to a certain dose. the issue is, ocd has once again latched itself onto one of my main interests at the moment, and giving me intrusive FEELINGS about something i had been looking forward in it (more specifically, making me feel uncomfortable about that certain thing happening). i've been, like, bawling every day. clonazepam is not working at all in helping me calm down. my question is, should i take a break from the series/content regarding the specific thing OCD latched itself onto, or keep interacting with it despite/in spite of the intrusive feelings? it is a bit scary, feeling like i want to take a break from it. i dont want to think its me genuinely wanting to be away from it, i think thats OCD in itself talking. but. i need advice. thanks!

So today was supposed to be an ok day. I wasn’t going to take a pregnancy test because I was going to wait a little. However I let my fears and thoughts get to me and took one after I went to the bathroom. I did notice that compared to the other tests, this test had a very prominent test line. It already looked like a grey evap line. The test had barely a drop on it. The test was not saturated at all. The result was not coming up right away. I figured it was a faulty test because I didn’t saturate it. Maybe 40mins to and hour later I look at the same test and I see two lines. Instantly my fight or flight kicked in. I ran to take another one. This time I saturated the test and waited the appropriate amount of time. Within 10 minutes i only seen one line. In that moment I kept thinking to myself: “Ok I took my birth control every same time.” “We’ve used protection and even during two withdrawal days there was still nothing left in me” I tried to rationalize with myself but I just can’t seem to shake it. I can’t do this again. Immediately I start googling things like “does not putting enough urine on a test mess up the results.” All the answers I was getting wasn’t pointing me in a direction I needed to hear. I started to think ok I need to buy more tests and I need to get bloodwork done. So I went and got bloodwork done. I’m praying I get results tonight. I keep waiting and refreshing my health app to see if any results are posted. The palpitations won’t stop, the fidgeting anxiety. I have no appetite. I have no desire to move off my couch. This happens every month and every month I spend so much on tests and do bloodwork and all the same result: negative. I am trying so hard to wait for these results and fight the urge to buy more tests. I have been protecting myself so much. Withdrawal has been working. I sent pictures over to a friend who’s a nurse and has gone through TTC. She told me that again I am making myself sick that harboring old pregnancy tests and looking at old results is not healthy for me. She also told me that I could have just as well messed up the test because of the lack of urine. She told me that I should believe the test I took after on a full bladder. I cannot relax. All I want to do is sleep. All I want to do is get my results.

this is my first post so i’m a little nervous, but i wanted to talk about how awful meta OCD can be. to preface, i’m 19 and undiagnosed with OCD, but have had pretty severe harm OCD, moral scrupulosity OCD and POCD (along with real event and false memory OCD that feeds into these other themes) since i was 14. i only realised that i had OCD this year a few months ago, since before that i had a very poor misconception of OCD as only involving physical compulsions and mainly being about cleaning, obsessively checking locks and the like. but since discovering i have OCD, all my symptoms have gotten much worse since i’ve been hyperaware of every compulsion and intrusive thought. i went into a spiral that lasted days and it was agony. i became fully convinced that i had subconsciously tricked myself into believing i have OCD. somehow, all my obsessions come back to moral and POCD themes- so i started believing that i, at 14, was completely normal, and then suddenly had a subconscious urge to be a pedophile…so i forced myself into being a pedophile…and then the guilt got too much to bear…so i subconsciously repressed the memories of doing all this…and then years later discovered POCD and moral-type OCD subtypes and assigned them to myself. it’s all very convoluted but it made me feel even more evil. because the original fear with POCD is ‘what i’m a pedophile’, but due to the meta-OCD it has now evolved into ‘what if i wasn’t a pedophile, but i forced myself to become one out of some strange subconscious desire’. so now i’m scared i’m some kind of new predator- one that actively chose to become one but suppressed memories of choosing this. it’s just so exhausting, and the worst of the spiral has passed, but my mind keeps coming back to the ‘what if i’ve tricked myself’ obsession. does anyone else have any experiences with meta-OCD or have any tips on how to not spiral into these meta-OCD obsessions?

I caught my husband watching porn again. I can't do this mentally anymore. Hes made me feel so ugly. Im not I can't do this anymore my ocd and mental is worse because of him I want to leave but I can't. Idk what to do anymore

Hiiii, how many of you experience real event themes? What do they look like for you? For me they always over analyse some things I engaged with during my teenage years and they also obsess over embarrassing things I’m not proud of, oftentimes thinking I’ll get exposed and my whole life will be ruined </3. I’m looking forward to finding new profiles of people who struggle with real event so that we can support each other. Do you want to talk about it? I’m here, xx 🫂

Mine tried to convince me once that if i dont say God and Jesus Christ and imagine him perfectly while praying id be praying to a random guy named jesus or whatever id be looking at 😭 cant look at statues pcs ect bruh

First let me start this off, I mean this in a philosophical way (yes I know I’m a real person). Recently I had the thought (maybe time just noticing the realization) of my own consciousness. My own self. Like, I see through my own eyes. I can’t see my face without a mirror, because I am me. Others can’t hear my thoughts. I can talk to myself in my head. I can choose what I say in my head. I’m sure everyone who’s ever lived went through a realization like this, but my OCD/Anxiety mind just keeps looping it over and over in my head until it freaks me out, where I start thinking deeper “how would I really know other people do the same realization”? Anyone else experience this?? Feeling better the brain loop is almost over lol

Does anyone have false memories from their childhood? If so would ou mind sharing and how do u know these are false memories? Did they pop up as a memory or was it a thought? Guess im asking how do you know if false memorh or real?

hi there! i’m new here and new to ocd in general. i apologize if i unintentionally come off as assurance seeking, so please don’t hesitate to hold me accountable. i really just need an outlet so i’m not holding in all my panic. i understand that there isn’t a solution. but basically i was introduced to social media at a very young age. and of course i was very irresponsible. i was in multiple fandom spaces and my young brain thought i needed to create an account for every fandom. i’ve gotten rid of a good chunk of them but there is one i lost access to and i tried to get back in today so i can delete it. it turns out i might have gotten the username wrong because a screen popped up saying the log-in info was incorrect and they sent an email to the person’s account about the log-in attempt. and now i’m paranoid that instagram might somehow punish me for trying to get into someone’s account when it was just a mistake. and i worry that i might have caused whoever the account belongs to panic when i didn’t mean to (if the account is even still active, it looked blank). but yeah. i’m not sure what the point of this post was. i was just very distressed and typing it all out kinda made me feel better. so thanks for just reading if this even reaches anyone.

I really hate that scrupulousity is called religious/spiritual OCD bc there's no other name for the non-religious version that I've heard other than scrupulousity, which nobody here uses and is seemingly associated with the religious aspects. Harm OCD isn't the same either. I'm terrified of being morally wrong, a bad person, a terrible member of society, someone who, if hell does exist, belongs there. But I don't believe in God. Or hell. Or religion. As much as I've tried so hard to, I simply just dont...but I still I experience every aspect of this form of OCD just minus religion. In conversations about it or definitions of it, if you replace "sinning" with "being immoral" , "God" with "society", and "religious practices/values" with "moral duties and obligations" and then maybe some other things, that sums it up well. Obsessing overdoing the right things in the right ways and staying true to my beliefs but also making sure that my beliefs are acceptable in society and valid and if I disagree with the majority of society's opinion I have to make absolute sure that I'm not a terrible person for it especially if it's a moral issue and if I can't be certain of it then it means I'm evil and I have failed as a member of society and I'm a terrible person and that scares me because I just want to be good. Constantly overly evaluating all of my beliefs why I believe them where they came from where I get my information how I process things how I decide what is or isn't right or wrong in my own personal view of the world and versus everybody else's. Why I agree with people on some things why I disagree with people on some things why I'm mixed on some issues and why and how I go about everything related to my belief systems. I can't help myself I review everything so often that it gives me headaches. I have even prayed to nothing out of desperation "just in case I'm wrong" despite not being religious or spiritual or at all believing that my prayers are heard/taken in. It's a nightmare. I just want to be a good person. I don't want to be bad or problematic or evil. But I'm scared that if I disagree with a moral value the majority holds, despite all the review and reconsideration and time looking at all sides and evaluating myself, then I am evil. And that makes me wanna puke.

What is a hobby outside of what ocd tells you that you actually enjoy or used to enjoy!

Hi OCD Community, Does anyone have checking compulsions? Mine, for instance, make me do alot of things I know are not necessary, but of course I do the dance of OCD. Some, for example, are checking multiple times to make sure doors are locked (car home) and make sure nothing is plugged in that can catch on fire, which are just some OCD compulsions that I think are more normal. The one that really frustrates me and affects my life the most is I will have something whether that be a bag, a package I just opened, clothes I’m getting rid of, etc, and I have to check everything before I throw it away- every little crease of the bag, every little crease of the box, every little crease of the pocket of the clothing, and as you can imagine that gets exhausting, and very frustrating. I am prescribed Prozac and it takes the edge off, but I honestly don’t even take it because it doesn’t solve the problem. If anyone has the same compulsions, have you came up with anything that’s been able to help them or to help you get through your day? I would really appreciate advice especially on cleaning faster where you’re not taking forever to throw one thing away because you have to completely, thoroughly search it. Thank you!

Hi everybody, right now I’m also spiralling around relationship themes. As some of you might know as of now, I struggle a lot with real event themes. But right now relationship theme is hitting real hard. My partner is going through stressful finals. We haven’t seen each other in almost three weeks by now, but that doesn’t bother me as much. I’ve explained to them that I feel like they don’t tell me they love me as much lately. They explained that it’s nothing personal and that they’re feeling stressed. They also told me that they are not as good when it comes to expressing their feelings. I trust them a lot, but getting told “I love you” means a lot to me. But I think that this is just reassurance seeking from my side. Does anybody have any tips? Thank you xx