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the NOCD Community

I feel like I’m going crazy again. I moved to a new state so that means new doc/therapist. Since I’ve moved here about 4 months ago I’ve been dealing with terrible episodes and I’m just miserable. I haven’t been on medication and recently i decided to try it again. About 2 weeks ago i called around to see if they take my insurance and the ppl that did either aren’t taking new patients or they’re way too far for me to travel as i have no car and I’m very very low on cash bc my mental hasn’t been able to get a new job bc I’m terrified. I made an appointment but they didn’t have anything till later this month and I’ve been trying to be positive but I just keep having this obsession that i NEED the medicine and i dc if it will make me a zombie and emotionless bc that’s just how miserable i am. Im crying uncontrollably because my thoughts won’t chill out. I don’t know what to do in the meantime & i can’t afford to commit myself . If anyone has anyways to cope while I’m waiting to see a doctor I’d really be grateful. I feel like my brain is going to explode.

anyone with POCD, what is your POCD like? the topics etc

I’m afraid that one day I will get pleasure from the idea of being bisexual. I feel like it’s inevitable that I come out. I don’t like girls and I never have, but what the fuck? What is this? I am so scared that I feel joy when I think about being bisexual. I am terrified. What if this is just internalized homophobia? I am alone. I am the outlier. I’m sure I don’t have ocd. I’ve made this all up to cover up my sexuality.

Odd question: has anybody tried any sort of ahem ~non regulated~ drug in an attempt to treat OCD (They aren’t legal in my state)? Y’know things you’d find in a garden....weeds....mushrooms. I’d like to know what people’s experiences are because most prescribed medications are super harsh and some “garden variety” substances actually seem like very natural remedies to anxiety/ depression. I’m thinking they could possibly alleviate OCD too?

Does anyone suffer from "what if "OCD? Like what if I did something harmful in the past to a person and don't remember it?

Hi everyone, really needing some support and advice. I have recently had a melt down after reading a horrifying story in the paper.it was about a child being raped and murdered. I was feeling anxious before I read it but after reading it I got a horrifying feeling of anxiety and started to think what if something happens to my kids, which quickly turned into what if I hurt them etc and that was it, my head went into overdrive, I focused it on my youngest who is two. I was worried to change her nappy, bath her etc and I actually begged my a Auntie to take me to the hospital to be sectioned as I thought what the hell is going on in my head!! I have read other threads which have helped and talked with others who have been here too. This has been going on since Feb last year, and I honestly feel. Like my brain is fried, its a constant intrusive loop day in day out about all this nonsense and I honestly feel I can't take anymore. I have tried self help. I am currently taking 40mg of citalapram and after a long long wait I will be starting CBT on Thursday 9th my daughters 3rd birthday. I have two older children and never experienced anything like this. I'm so lost in my thoughts please help

So worried that I seem like a lesbian. so incredibly worried because I have amazing gaydar, and that seems like a trait a lesbian would have.

Anyone struggling with Emetophobia OCD? (Fear of vomiting) it's taken over my entire life, I cannot eat out of fear of vomiting, I cant stop washing my hands and disinfecting everything so that I dont get sick. I'm so tired of feeling this way

Can someone please give me some advice I’m so scared I’m going to kill someone. These thoughts pop up while I’m walking past old people’s houses or just at random times. Please someone help

I’m doing better on reading forums and reddit. But I’m really scared I’ll realize I’m bisexual or lesbian. I know there’s nothing wrong with it. It’s just it’s all going against what I believe in. It’s all telling me different. I hate this. I don’t want to date a girl or do anything sexual with a girl. Yet it’s telling me I don’t know for sure and I hate it. Anyone else just feel hopeless in what they thought their sexuality is?! I just feel bi and in denial at this point. I don’t want any of this. Am I alone?

It’s like my newest obsession is my brain saying “we get you want to be with a guy but you can’t cause your gay” and I wouldn’t be with a girl but then I’m scared I’m just repressing it and ya this sucks. Is this even ocd anymore do any of you experience this??

Started Luvox yesterday, anyone taking /taken it? opinions?

Very time I see a video on Instagram like “my toxic relationship with a narcissist” it trigger me so much ?I don’t want to be a narcissist

Hi, I want to share. Can anyone relate? I think I struggle with pure o, scrupulosity, and HOCD, and I wanna talk about HOCD. That’s the one that’s realllly bothering me lately. Not going into my whole history and experience, but: I’m a guy and I’ve longed for male friendship in my life and brotherhood for a long time. Over the past year and such I’ve gotten very close with a guy, I really do consider him a brother. Just one reason why he reminds me of a literal brother is how physically affectionate he is — big hugger, and we play around and wrestle a lot. We definitely have a bromance haha. But at some point a groinal response was triggered in me — intrusive thoughts have been present about various situations in my life, so I didn’t pay a lot of attention to them, but the groinal response was really concerning. I started checking my body and checking my motives and trying to understand my desires. It’s been really hard, but I can believe that I’m NOT looking for anything romantic or sexual with this friend, it really is just friendship — but now groinal responses when this friend and I touch seem natural...they happen quickly and are full on ? I’m fighting to remember that I’m NOT attracted to him, this is an anxiety thing, and that our bodies respond to “relevant” stimuli whether... we want to or not. A fear that I have is that my groinal response will become noticeable and the dynamic of our brotherly relationship, which I really cherish, will have to change...throw some scrupulousity in there too.... not asking anyone to tell me that my fears won’t come true (reassurance) even though I really wish I could know that, :p

Its like ocd wants us to be misrable and be alone the rest of our lives. Im holding on to hope, but its damn hard because ocd has ruined everything in my life.

Hey guys. I really hope I’m not being a bother. I’m having so much anxiety and stress right now. A little background info: I think I mentioned this before, but there was a plumbing issue at my apartment, and the maintenance guy got soiled toilet water on the tool he used to clean the toilet and brought that tool throughout the apartment and set it outside the apartment. I don’t know exactly where it touched or where water may have flung off of it. I hate going back to my apartment because I haven’t cleaned where it might have touched and can’t clean where he set it outside of the apartment. I tried to not clean for sake of some ERP, but I’m so distressed by it. I’ve been on holiday for a few weeks, but I have to go back soon. It’s to the point where thinking of it makes me nauseous and I feel like I can’t stay there. I think about this almost every moment of every day, so I feel awful. I haven’t been able to enjoy myself. I feel like my apartment is contaminated, and that I can’t escape the contamination even if I were to clean it (but I’ve tried not to even though that sounds gross I’m trying to do ERP but idk if it’s working because someone said I should’ve cleaned it so I’m incredibly stuck). I feel extremely uncomfortable in my apartment and when my family comes to visit me or my friends come over, I feel like I’ve spread it to them. I’m not afraid of getting sick; I’m just afraid of being and spreading contamination. Any tips or advice is greatly appreciated. I’m currently super stressed and anxious and crying writing this out, so I apologize if it doesn’t make sense. I appreciate your responses. Hopefully I’m not a bother. Thank you.

Acceptance has made my condition worse. Has anyone experienced finally giving in & accepting you have a seriously problem has then made my contamination OCD worse than it has ever been before, it’s getting heightened by the day. Have booked into my first OCD specialist session but it’s not for 3 weeks. Every day contaminations happen it can cost me between 6- 12 hours of cleaning each time, I’m so exhausted, so tired of crying and having sore hands from washing them. A huge trigger is flys which I can not control. They just keep getting the house. I can’t touch anything in my own home due to various contaminations.

Has anyone with hocd gotten to a point where they cant even say they are straight anymore? This is super triggering for me as Ive seen a lot of people saying that they know their straight. Like I feel like a liar when I say im straight. I know I dont want to be with a girl or anything but what if I do? What if that is what my future holds?

Is someone (over 18) with sexual obsessions available to talk to me? I’m a little nervous.

I need help. Badly. I used to watch young/old porn and before I thought it was weird, not common but it kind of turned me on (probably bc it's also just sex) and I did get off to it. By young/old, I mean to my knowledge, two consenting adults with a large age gap. So both legal, on a site called xvideos and usually it looked professionally done. However I've been scared cause what if the videos I have watched before were bad? Like the girls were not of legal age and I wasn't aware but still, that makes me bad right? I've stopped watching that now because I'm more aware now. However, awhile ago while doing my business (masturbating) and watching porn (i'm stopping now, please don't advise me to stop because I will try now) I came across a young/old, it looks professionally done and usually when it is, all parties involved are of legal age. Anyway I got curious and checked it out, but of course before that I was already doing my business so when I stumbled upon that I was already a bit aroused but I felt like that also kind of turned me on (I usually focus on what they're doing to the woman in videos and I'm assuming cause well, it's sex, it's a natural reaction) so I kind of continued and I did get off but I felt bad cause why would I do that. videos like that are wrong to me if I wasn't so clouded over lust I guess? because to me it feeds the wrong type of fantasy to grown men esp when the girl is labeled as a "teen" (even if they're legal women) I feel bad cause it makes me think I'm a predator or a pedo. i'm a 20 year old female but i feel disgusting for watching that. feeling like i condone to pedophilia but i dont. i hate sexual predators. why do porn ike that exist? am i one of them? help my pocd. I'm starting to spiral down again.