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the NOCD Community

Hey, I just got here! And this is crazy, but you know all my problems, so talk to me maybe? ? I’m always worried my partner loves me too much or that I love him too much. I don’t want anyone being hurt in the long run by how unequal we’ve been. When it’s him, I want to break off the relationship now before I make it worse. When it’s me, I want to break it off now because I must be so pathetic. I have such a bad fear of my partner cheating that I’ve started telling myself that I already know he is — just so I won’t compulsively watch him text, check his phone while he showers, stalk his social media, question all his friendships, etc. I’m so shocked to be finding out this is something a whole group of people experiences! It used to make feel physically ill; I was so anxious I couldn’t sleep or eat for days at a time. The *only* possible relief for me was breaking off my relationship and also all contact. Once the thought has entered my brain, there’s no backing down from it. I have to end it, or else that nasty feeling in the pit of my stomach stays forever. I guess that’s a form of compulsion? Maybe? It first happened when I was 16 and had my first boyfriend. I didn’t love him, but he was in love with me. I felt guilty, and he became annoying. One morning, I woke up to the instant and insistent thought that I must break up with him. All day, I was physically nauseated thinking about my boyfriend. That afternoon, I did it, and I honestly cried tears of relief - not from the end of the relationship but in response to not feeling that way any longer! So it began...

Any insomnia buddies out there tonight. Dealing with relationship OCD?

My ocd lately is mostly internal, I’ve been reading about ocd and how people confuse pure o with mental compulsions meaning the person still has ocd but because they don’t have to do any physical compulsions they’re not diagnosed with ocd. Rn I’m dealing with a fear of everything I watch/read, I’m scared that they are bad or of poor quality or don’t have three dimensional characters... stuff like that so I have to end up checking, mentally over and over again to make sure the things I like are good or are of good quality. Would type more but stupid trigger warning is in my way.

Anybody else fear of having kids?? My boyfriend wants some and I do too but I’m terrified thinking about it.

I definitely am not asking anyone to reassure me, just wanted to share. I’m feeling kinda down because my OCD has made me really doubt the existence of God which is hard because I’ve been a believer my whole life. Just a shitty feeling that’s been hard to deal with for me.

lately i’ve been having a lot of violent intrusive thoughts, and i don’t know why because i’ve never had them before... i can’t control them, and i always feel really alone and outcasted because no one i know has this form of ocd... i’m not worried i’ll act on them, i trust myself enough, but it bothers me that i always think of harmful things and it can really stress me out

(About sexual ideation) “The thoughts are not really part of the person's identity, but they are the sort of thoughts or impulses the person with OCD fears that he/she may have.” Okay, I struggle with this. I feel like I think about situations that I don’t WANT to be sexual but my body makes sexual. Does that make sense? Say I’m thinking about wrestling with a friend of the same sex, and bam, suddenly HOCD thoughts are there. I’m struggling because — someone COULD have sexual thoughts about wrestling. I could see how a physical activity like wrestling could be arousing. And maybe my body is aroused by it. Maybe it’s “sexually relevant” enough. Maybe it’s mostly my anxiety and fear. I DESIRE the wrestling, I ENJOY it, but I do NOT want arousal or sexual intercourse or anything sexual like that. What defines something as sexual? My arousal is unwanted. Is not wanting arousal enough? Does anyone hear me, here?

How do I help someone with POCD who is suicidal?

does anyone else have the type of ocd where you obsess over one person for years and only their opinion matters and you never feel good enough? i don't know if this is a specific sub group of ocd, so far for me it's just been considered pure o. but i've never met or heard of anyone who experiences it as well. it'd be cool to know that i'm not the only one because sometime i feel like an obsessive stalker even though i don't stalk??¿¿

This isn’t fair. This isn’t how I want to live my life but I can’t help it. Constantly I get thoughts that I killed someone. Idk what to do

Schiz-OCD issues: So for the past day or so I have felt like I'm on autopilot but even that feels weird to me. Like how do I even know what to do on autopilot? Where is the autopilot even coming from? Are these my own thoughts? Are they coming from somewhere else? Where else would they be coming from? What if I have a split personality? How can I know this is me? I googled some of these and came up on thought insertion and now I'm freaking out that I am having a psychotic break or something.

TW for mentions of illnesses, death, and attempted suicide I really, really really need help. I have a history of OCD with intrusive thoughts about my loved ones dying. I used to think, as a child, that my parents had actually died and no one could convince me otherwise. I called them repeatedly and they could basically never leave the house without me being worried sick. Lately I've been terrified because of this feeling of impending doom and the clear sensation that my dad will die sometime this year. I'm so terrified, I've been scared that saying it will make it real so I'vee been avoiding it as much as I can but something happened now and I dont know what to do. What really scares me is that a couple years ago I had this feeling, I told my therapist and a few days later she had a stroke. She survived and I'm still in her care to this day but it still happened. The same thing happened when I had the distinct underlying feeling that one day eventually I'd wake up after my brother had gone out at night, and find out he never came back. It did happen, and he was injured during a failed suicide attempt, no matter how many times I kept trying to convince myself it was just me being irrational. I'm aware of how irrational this sounds, I really do know but after that I dont know how to convince myself that it's only a thought and doesn't mean anything. I'm scared that my thoughts will reinforce future events, that this feeling means that it will really happen. I am so terrified of this I really really need help I dont know what to do anymore. My dad is a lifelong smoker and since he had the flu la month ago, he's been coughing very often even if the other symptoms are gone, but he won't stop smoking. Actually he's been smoking more than usual for the past months because he and my mom broke up. He refuses to see a doctor and doesn't care enough to stop smoking, he made this very clear. Multiple times in the past months I've had episodes of really bad intrusive thoughts about him dying soon and spent a lot of time researching symptoms. I'm really worried because I keep seeing hints of it everywhere. Many small things keep happeningg, one of my episodes were caused by randomly seeing someone mention cardiopulmonary diseases and it sent me into a hours long crisis during which I couldn't hold back from performing several compulsions like going into his room to check his breathing while he slept. I couldn't stop thinking that me seeing that thing was not a coincidence. It hit me again last night and now I'm scared again because my mom and I were watching a show together, and we usually watch 3-4 episodes every night. Tonight on the second episode there was a man dying of lung cancer and he and his wife hadn't told their son at all. After that episode she said she had to go to the bathroom and I'm paranoid that she might have gone because she was crying and afterwards she said "I think I'm tired of watching for today", with a really weird expression. I'm terrified that it's because the episode reminded her of my dad and maybe they're hiding something from me, maybe he has an illness and they're not telling me. I have to go ask her if she's ok and why was she tired of watching, if something upset her even if I really really really dont want to do it but I'll have to I'm scared im so so so so so scared and I dont know what to do with all of this. It doesn't help that I've been dealing with derealization for a few months now, and it's been really bad. I'm so scared and anyone is going to think I'm stupid for this I'm so scared I can't talk about it with anyone because I'm terrified that saying it will reinforce it. What should I do? Please help

So my health/contamination OCD has been really bad lately, and I’ve realised that I’m not only afraid of physical illness (cancer, kidney stones, heart attacks, etc...) but I’m also afraid of getting other mental health disorders too, and I thought that I was the only one that done so but it turns out that I’m not? A lot of my health/contamination OCD comes from what I’ve seen other people go through in the past: I’m constantly checking for pains around my kidney area, whenever I get a chest pain I check for signs of a heart attack, and so on. But I’ve realised that my brain latches onto other people’s mental health disorders too and tries to convince me that I have them, or that I should have them. More specifically, because of thing I’ve seen others experience in the past (I won’t go into detail because it’s personal), I’m so afraid of schizophrenia. Not as a mental illness itself but the thought that I will get it/I will have it. I always hate saying this because I know it sounds incredibly selfish and absurd, but once I know a lot about an illness (physical or mental), my brain will just latch onto it and try to convince me that I have it, and when I tell myself that I don’t, my brain will THEN say that being “psychosomatic” is a thing and that if I think about it too much then I will get it. My brain will take all the symptoms of this one illness and analyse it, making everything I experience an entire clusterf*ck of “it could be x” or “what if it’s y?” or “what if you were experiencing z right now?” I think what I’d like to hear is other people’s experiences who relate to what I say, especially the “afraid of getting other mental health disorders” side of things, because I never really come across others who do the same thing. Thank you!!

I can get behind the idea that arousal doesn’t mean much... our bodies can get excited for all sorts of reasons that don’t mean we’re sexually attracted to X. Sometimes when I’m aroused I also feel the arousal as a sensation in my chest/lower body... I’m wondering if that sensation DOES denote actual sexual desire. It feels more personal than a groinal response reacting. But, perhaps “arousal” refers to more than a groinal response, after all? Sensations might also be part of the random physiological nature of arousal, which can be expedited by stress or fear of anxiety. I’m concerned about accidentally using people in my life for sexual gratification... who gets to decide if a desire is sexual or not? I don’t want to engage with X sexually... but if my body (groinal reaction & upper body) is aroused by a “harmless” action...even a harmless, fun action, I wonder if engaging in that harmless action for mutual, innocent fun, would actually be... gratifying myself? I don’t want to do that...that seems like it may be immoral.

guys did anyone try medication for ocd?does it work and are the side affects dangerous or does it cause depression?

Anyone else with HOCD feel like they need to be bi to fit in

My brain is killing me? I need a therapist in my life.?People help me people.I live in a remote place in India andWE DONT HAVE THERAPISTS HERE.Help before i kill myself bc my mind is telling me so.

I am not sure how to explain my situation alot of you probably gonna think I am crazy, I feel the same way. But I cant stop obsessing about my finances I keep opening new bank accounts, investment accounts, and credit card accounts then keep closing them because my mind keeps telling me it's not good enough. Like I probably opened 21 new credit card accounts last few years and closed almost all of them. This is what happens in my mind, I open new credit card/Account then my mind tells me this is not good enough I am missing out on rewards or that card has this fee so I need to close it, then I close the account and I open another one cycle again. It's like there is this voice in my head keeps repeating what if that is better, I should open that account. Because of this I made alot of financial mistakes its driving me nuts. It's like fear of missing out but with OCD. My brain works like this with everything I obsess about everything my brain wants everything to be perfect. This is why I hate choices, if I have to choose between things I go crazy. Somedays I will spend all day obsessing about it. I am just tired I feel like I am wasting my life. Any tips? I just want clear head and do fun things maybe start a business but it's really hard when all my focus is spent on obsessing. I know what I am doing is stupid but I just cant help it. it's like I am a puppet and someone is controlling me. I told no one about this I feel like no one will understand me plus I feel embarrassed. Sorry about the grammar English isnt my first language.

I hope this doesn’t come off as reassurance, but I’m in need of some positive thoughts. I’m in the middle of ERP where I touched my hair on something where I know a dirty toilet snake had been and I’m resisting for 2 hours (I have to anyways since maintenance has to come fix something unrelated so I can’t shower now or while they’re fixing it). I feel so contaminated and gross right now. Any positivity is much appreciated.

starting cbt soon!! any tips??